Glug glug. Aaahhh, that feels good. Finally, a chance to unwind after all the trials and tribulations of recent events. In other words, today.
Twilight Sparkle re-emerged from her wallowing in sudsy heaven to reach for the bubble bath located usefully nearby on a miniature side-trolley. Sprinkling more of the fluffy contents into the water, she allowed herself a deep breath before plunging scuba-like once more into the heated depths of the tub.
It was so nice of Celestia to lend me the use of her private bath after today’s little… misunderstanding. I really couldn’t face the long trip back to Ponyville at night, so a refreshing soak and an overnight stay are just what the doctor ordered. W-Well actually I’m more used to seeing psychiatrists for my neurosis, but the point remains the same. I think.
Once more, Twilight’s legendary penchant for overthinking and overanalysing everything surpassed itself, and the agitated alicorn quickly attempted to dismiss such intrusive interruptions from her imagination.
This is Twilight Time now. Not helping inexperienced fillies learn valuable life skills, but a period set aside to bask in tropical goodness. Just me, a full bathtub, loads of possibly unsafe chemicals added, a waterproof book and a giant dark mare staring down at me. Peace, perfect peace…
“That tub sure looks good, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Does thou mind if I join thyself before one’s night-time duties? I would certainly appreciate it.”
It took a few moments for Twilight to process the arrival of her unexpected ‘guest’, but only a millisecond for her to scream at the shock of seeing them after conjuring up such a soothing vision of nirvana in her head.
Tranquility gone, turmoil restored. Business as usual, then.
“Oops! Sorry, Twilight Sparkle. Did I take thou by surprise? It’s a bad habit my sister is trying to get me to stop, but when I blend in so well against the evening sky, it becomes almost second nature to sneak!” Luna moved to lightly lift a spluttering Twilight from underwater, where her gurgle of a screech had produced quite the mini-vortex. “Incidentally, try not to make so much noise. This is Celestia’s favourite bathtub, and she’d hate for anypony to use it besides her…!”
“Now hold on there. She gave me permission. Are you saying… you don’t have it?” A rapidly recovering Twilight had succeeded in squeezing the excess fluid from her lungs, and now looked at the black mare questioningly. “B-But anyway, back to the present. Though it’s always great to see you Luna, I kinda hoped for a little quiet time to myself. You know, after what happened earlier when I cut Celestia’s hair…”
“Oh, yes. I know all about that. Let me tell thou some tales about my sister and her ‘precious’ magical mane.” Almost as if she’d only been half-listening to Twilight, Luna wasted no more time in sliding into the frothy oasis, forcing Twilight to almost squat to accommodate this new giant presence. “I can never get it right for her! It’s always ‘too short’! ‘Too long’! ‘Too bouffant!’ It’s almost as bad as when we were foals, fighting over that stupid plastic duck! So anyway, I felt I deserved a break from her constant harassment.”
Twilight was putting together the pieces of what she’d just learned from her aggrieved fellow alicorn, but she hadn’t quite finished the puzzle yet. “S-So… what you’re telling me is...?”
“I was never really ill at all! Did she seriously think an eternally powerful being like myself who survived a thousand years on the Moon alone could be laid out by a mere case of lactose intolerance? Seriously?” Luna’s booming laugh echoed throughout the dripping facade of the royal bathroom, creating minor ripples in the moisture lapping around her knees. “It was a big sacrifice to give up that delicious Black Midnight cake, but it was one I was willing to make. Of course, then thou showed up, and everything just got more complicated.”
“In other words, I went through all that stress, strain and personal trauma for… nothing?” Twilight wasn’t usually one for showing anger, especially in front of a Princess. Luna’s latest shenanigans though had truly pushed her close to the edge. “After I made everypony stop being scared of you on Nightmare Night? Not to mention, helped in overcoming the dreams of guilt which were intent on consuming you? A great way to repay my kindness, I don’t think!”
“Hey, don’t be like that, Twilight Sparkle!” An extremely repentant Luna lifted up a frowning Twilight’s chin to address her directly. “I’m very sorry that my silly sister seems to have got it into her head that thou art some kind of elite hairdresser now. I’ll try cancelling the hundreds of bookings she’s lined up for you in the future, and in the meantime try making things up to thou in my own special way. Turn around, and let me see thine lavender back.”
“H-Hundreds?! But, I have a castle to maintain! A dragon to feed! A student to lecture! Well, Starlight’s not really my ‘student’ per se anymore. I mean, she’s made such fantastical progress and we’re all so very proud of her…”
“Has anypony ever said you talk too much?” Luna grew impatient with Twilight’s trademark talent for twaddling on about nothing. “Just relax. This won’t take long. After all, I have an appointment with thousands of sleeping ponies to keep.”
“W-What won’t take long? W-Why are you turning my body around with your magic? W-What are you doing with your hooves? W-Why won’t you answer me… ooohhh!”
“I may not be much of a barber, but I’d rate my skills as a masseur quite highly.” Luna smirked knowingly as a suddenly silent Twilight caved into the soothing sensations running up and down her spine. “I used to practice on myself a lot ‘up there’ whenever I felt down, which considering I had nothing else to do all day but explore shallow craters and watch shooting stars, was quite a lot. Now, if you’ll just loosen up a bit more, we can move onto the delicate lumbar region.”
Wow. This is great. Better than any massage I could get done at the spa, and I don’t even have to pay for it! Twilight sighed in pleasure, briefly concerned for the employment of one Bulk Biceps if word ever got out about what a pro Luna was. At least he still has his cinnamon nut stand to fall back on, I suppose…
In fact, despite her earlier extended nap in Celestia’s own bed, the delicate administration of Luna’s hooves combined with the ongoing warmth generated by the bubbly jacuzzi they resided in began making the placid alicorn feel sort of…
Woozy… zzzzzz.
Meanwhile, Luna continued chuntering on regardless. “...I mean it’s ridiculous. Just because I ‘stole’ Mr Quackers from her eons ago when we were mere children and ‘stamped’ on him repeatedly until he was naught but flat yellow plastic, she bans me from using the biggest and therefore best tub in the queendom forever! Honestly, though I love my sister with all my heart, she can be so petty sometimes, and… aaww. Twilight’s only gone and fallen asleep! How ‘cute’, if that is the right word.“
Smiling happily that she was able to temporarily ease the snoozing alicorn’s tensions, Luna then proceeded to gently lift her former bath companion out of the water until Twilight rested serenely on the plush mat at the side.
“Now that that’s taken care of, I have the entire bath to myself until I have to ‘clock in’ for work! Luna you genius, you’ve done it again! Helped somepony else out, and gained a rich reward in the process. Who says good deeds don’t pay off? Now, where are the licorice-flavoured bath beads which would make this intoxicating dip complete? Oh yes, in the side cupboard. Soggy heavenly utopia, here I come!”
…………………………
By the time a dirt and anxiety cleansed Twilight finally opened her eyes, Luna had long since departed to fulfil her nightly duties: emptying the tub on her way out of the window.
The only signs she’d even been present were some darkened fur caught in the plughole, a vile-smelling concoction added to the moisture after Twilight had passed out and…
Princess Celestia? W-What’s she doing in here? Is that a note she’s holding up? Written on official palace paper?
“I believe somepony left this for you before she left.” Celestia addressed her yawning student, in a strange tone of voice Twilight couldn’t quite grasp. “I think it’s best if you read it yourself, before I make any further comment.”
Curiouser and Curiouser Twilight pondered, and without further ado took the paper in hoof to delve over its hoofwritten contents.
Dearest Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Thank thou for a wonderfully hot and steamy evening. When our bodies rubbed together and I felt the moistness of thine tender flesh, a strange feeling came over me afterwards that I haven’t felt in millenia. I can tell thou loved it too, by the way thy slept like a newborn afterwards with a big grin on thine cherubic features. Hath anypony ever told thou before that thy snore? And drool? So adorable! Anyway, thank thou for helping me feel the wettest of pleasures tonight the likes of which I’ve never known. Don’t tell Celestia about our secret rendezvous, for as brief as it was for I do not believe she’d approve. Let it be known though, I’ll always be in your dreams watching out for you whatever happens next.
Take care
Luna.
“I-I can explain. You see, she told me herself she wasn't allowed in your bath, but then she just kind of jumped in without asking, then one thing led to another, and s-she…” Twilight audibly gulped, thinking she was about to be in trouble for Luna using the tub without permission.
“Twilight, you don’t have to explain a thing to me! All this time, I’ve been wondering when you’d find somepony special: never knowing the identity of that lucky suitor could be my very own sister. I couldn’t be happier for the both of you!”
H-Huh? Twilight felt slightly confused, as Celestia continued to make assumptions and preparations without her.
“Why Luna thought I’d disapprove, I have no idea! My favourite student and best sister living together as a loving couple: perfect! We’ll have the wedding at the castle… all your family can attend... invite Discord if he’s good… make five bridesmaid’s outfits for your best friends…”
“W-Wait, Celestia. You don’t understand…”
“Oh, okay. Six then, if Spike wants to be one too. I’m not one of those stuffy old-fashioned types that let gender stand in the way of somecreature’s happiness: Hence why I’m so pleased about your upcoming nuptials! Now, should I hire a disco, or not? Some of those newfangled pop records are awfully loud…”
And as Twilight continued remonstrating with a determinedly supportive Celestia, you could almost hear a gentle laugh ring through the clear night sky.
Or maybe, it was all just a dream.