//------------------------------// // Lesson 4 – Challenges of Marriage: The Matrimony Freak Show // Story: Discord Teaches Philosophy: On Love // by CrackedInkWell //------------------------------// In the center of this carnival stood a round circus tent. On the outside, it looked worn and torn, something like a setting to a horror film. Yet, around the sides were posters that bid anyone to come inside. At one end was the only entrance inside with two signs standing either side, pointing towards the parted flaps towards the abyss. The Matrimony Freak Show. “Y’all think that Discord would have been a bit more sensitive than this,” Applejack pointed out. “Ta put on a freak show when he kinda is one.” “What do you think this one’s about?” Rainbow Dash inquired. “Because I don’t know about the rest of ya, but I’m definitely curious about this.” “I have a question,” Silverstream raised her claw, “what’s a freak show?” “They’re used to be shows that exhibited creatures and weird ponies that could do strange things or they had an odd deformity.” Soarin explained, “Think of a pony that was born with an extra leg or could breathe fire. They’re no longer around though.” Gallus raised an eyebrow. “But this is a matrimony freak show. So what kind of stuff does Discord want to show us?” “Hopefully nothing too scary as that foal haunted house,” Fluttershy shuttered. “Now that was truly terrifying.” The rest of the group shivered at the memory. “Well, whatever it is,” Gallus said, “it can’t nearly be as bad… right?” “The only way any of us are gonna find out,” Applejack pointed out, walking towards the entrance, “is ta see what Discord has fer us.” With the group following behind her, they walked into a small space where there was only enough room for them to sit, and a large dirt arena with three rings with a black top hat in the middle of a lit spotlight overhead. They stood around the arena, waiting to see what would happen now. “And now, Mares and Gentlecolts!” Discord’s voice boomed in the microscopic tent. “Gather around the stage as we bring to you the most heart-stopping show in the world! Welcome, to the one and only – Matrimony Freak Show!” There was a flash of fireworks and smoke where Discord, now fully dressed in a royal red ring master’s overcoat rose from the stage, placing the top hat on his head. “Welcome! Welcome!” He bowed to them, grinning as he did so until he spotted Fluttershy. He froze. “Uh… H-Hello, you lovely madame,” Discord reached into a sleeve to pull out a cartoonishly large sunflower and offering it to her, “for you.” Fluttershy smiled back as she took the stem of the flower into her hooves. Discord turned back to his small audience. “Thank you all for choosing my humble little place. We have such a show for you today, so much so that those couples in the back are gnarling to the teeth to show off how bad they really are.” “Hey, Discord,” Rainbow Dash called out, “what’s this lesson about?” He grinned a little wider. “Oh, I’m so glad you asked! Before we start the show, let’s be honest about something here. If you think about it, choosing someone to be your spouse is the most important sort of job interview we’ll ever have to do.” “I guess it’s not surprising,” Soarin commented, “considering that whoever you go with, you will have to live with them.” Discord nodded. “The problem is, thanks to the Romantics, we’ve lost the art of figuring out how we would know for certainty that we would be able to live with them. As much we praise marriage, we’re strangely quiet on it’s more troubling sides. At least, the kind of stuff that couples tend to face on a daily basis. I mean, the divorce rating says it all. However, it’s important to keep in mind that we’re so bad at picking our spouses, not because we’re incompetent, but we’re wounded mentally.” “Let me guess,” Gallus folded his arms, “the whole childhood thing?” “Yep! And not just any childhood, our messed-up childhoods. The single greatest indicator of unhappiness as adults were sown in our earlier years. We grew up with parents and caregivers who left us miserable in a variety of ways. So, the idea that any damaged individual could grow up to make the right decisions is pretty insane. “With all that’s involved, especially when you get married to someone who is just as damaged as you are, you’d think there would be a little bit of training with some hazard lights to guide us, right? But no, all dedication to any so-called public safety ends as soon as you go dating. This is out of some weird fear that it interferes with the freedoms that we dive into our beautifully crafted disasters. We’re left alone to follow our gut feelings and hope that maybe, they might be decent. Worst of all, we make these mistakes from one generation to the next without drawing even the slightest lesson from those who have more experience.” Floating over their heads and the spotlight following him, he added, “Which is why I’m putting on this show. Think of this as a guide to why all of you may end up marrying the wrong pony or creature. I’m going to show you the problems that even the most die-hard Romantics don’t want you to see.” “Really?” Silverstream tilted her head. “Like what?” “There are six common reasons why marriages tend to go wrong. Starting with the beast that has descended from the icy mountains of the East. Please welcome to the first ring – our Freak number one!” He gestured over to the first ring in which another Discord in a showgirl outfit pushed a circular curtain to its center. Then pulling on a cord, the group prepared for whatever abomination Discord had in store, only to find… Gallus. The real Gallus that stood next to Soarin gave Discord an obscene gesture with his claws. “Huh?” Silverstream blinked at seeing herself. “Discord, what is this?” “The first reason why relationships go wrong, my dear. That we don’t fully understand ourselves or others.” “What?” The other Gallus questioned, “Now how can that be? I know who I am, right? So what do you mean I don’t understand myself, I’m myself, no one else knows better than me.” “Eh…” Discord turned his attention to her. “Okay, if you do know yourself, then tell me, what kind of behaviors might you prove to be difficult to someone else?” The other Gallus blinked. “What are you talking about? I’m pretty easy going, I have a good family, good friends, so I’d say that everything’s pretty good. It’s fine, all is fine.” “Behold!” Discord waved his arms at the other Gallus, “The very thing I was talking about, folks! This is someone who doesn’t realize that everyone, including himself, that we’re all deeply crazy in various ways. Some of us are anxious, or unbalanced, even immature. But the problem is, we’re so blissful in our ignorance. None of us knows the full details because no one else has encouraged us to think too hard to figure out why. And to borrow what was said in a previous lesson: our parents aren’t going to tell because they wanted to be sweet; our friends aren’t going to say because they just want a nice night out; our enemies and exes know but they can’t be bothered to tell us. So with this low self-knowledge, we wouldn’t have a clue who we might be most compatible with.” “Mr. Discord,” the Silverstream raised her claw, “Is this why the first questions we got for that dating lesson is ‘How are you crazy?’” “Yep!” Discord chirped. “You see, what singles out the emotionally mature from the rest isn’t not being involved with insane potential spouses – they’re pretty much everywhere – but to tend to spot the problem and detach themselves as quickly as possible. However, someone that has grown up with a difficult childhood has the tendency of getting stuck. But for good reason: this poor creature doesn’t like himself all that much. So when his future husband blows hot and cold, let him down, play mind games, make and then dances on the grave of those broken promises, denies tenderness, swears that they won’t do that horrible thing and predictably does – his first, second, and billionth impulse won’t just get out of dodge. Because he thinks he so bad deep down, he’ll wonder what he did wrong. That maybe he misunderstood something or wonder how he caused the problem. He’d rather blame himself than have the audacity to think that his hubby isn’t good. It could take him a lifetime to make that realization that anyone else could reach in five minutes – that they’re not worth it.” “Well screw you too,” Gallus sulked. “Flattered, but you’ll have to wait in line.” This got a laugh from the group before he continued, “But to be fair, it’s just as hard to figure out how our potential spouses are nuts as it is with figuring out what’s wrong with oneself. After all, they put on such a good show… at first. Ideally, anyone dating should be sent to psychotherapy for four years at least before deciding if they can tolerate each other. In a good hundred years, this will become the norm, and they will wonder what took the rest of us so long.” Discord turned to the next ring. “Bring out the next freak!” A disgruntled copy of Discord in a showgirl outfit carried out a bucket of water to have it set in the middle of the ring. “Now for the next reason why marriages go up in flames is the unique happy-go-lucky of the deep – it’s Freak number two!” Splashing out from that bucket of water was another Silverstream in her seapony form. Touching the broken pearl around her neck, she flashed into the familiar pink hippogriff. “Take a look at this lovely specimen,” Discord waved at the other Silverstream, “this one may look like your average hippogriff that loves to talk, but don’t be fooled, she has a fear that fuels most disastrous marriages – she views being single as awful.” “But Mr. Discord,” the other Silverstream objected, “That’s not fair, everyone else is happier when they have a special some creature.” “Oh yeah? And what’s wrong about being single?” She winced, “C-C’mon, you just can’t be both normal and single.” “Notice the fear in her voice.” Discord pointed out. “This one is so afraid of being alone, she would rather be in the wrong sort of relationship – than none at all.” “But Discord,” Fluttershy spoke up, “being alone isn’t all bad. I should know.” “Maybe not. Yet, you’d have to be very much at peace with yourself on Saturday nights, having long periods of isolation and lack of sex to be choosy in the right way. If you’re an extrovert, no wonder why a good chunk of the population just closes their eyes to take whatever is nearby. “Not to mention that it’s worse when you’re in a bad relationship. Especially when you want so badly to leave but can’t because you just don’t know what will happen if you do. Those like this one,” he waved to the other Silverstream, “are scared because they think if they do leave, they won’t know how much longer alone they will be. After all, who else would have them? And worse, who in the world would tolerate someone like them? They would stay for years, watching their hopes be smashed by their spouses’ cruelty. “You know when you’re not ready for marriage when the fear of being alone trumps the fear of marrying someone bad for you.” “Good thin’ Ah got hitched ta the right one.” Applejack commented, with a bit of pride in her voice. “And just like that, let’s meet our next Freak!” Discord turned to the third ring where another Discord in a showgirl outfit dumped a few barrels of apples on the ground. “Our next one comes out from the sticks, she’s a farmer’s daughter that prefers other daughters – it’s Freak number three!” “Yeeha!” Out from that pile of apples, another Applejack popped out. “Ya know, Ah don’t know why we’re here. Love’s just a feelin’, ya don’t need ta go ta school when it comes ta somethin’ like love.” “Mares and Gentlecolts,” Discord gestured, “I give you the next reason: no education required, just follow your heart. Let’s face it, outside of my class, there’s almost no information out there, is there? The couples that take classes are the ones that are in counseling for what’s gone wrong. This to me is upside-down. In a wiser culture, couples should learn from courses that are as strict and important as Magic ED. Countless couples get married without knowing why they fail, they don’t try to talk to other couples and their hardships – not to mention avoiding divorced ones like the plague. Most newlyweds assume that such a thing happens out of sheer stupidity that they’re so not like at all. Well, I got news for ya: you are. Maybe more than you think.” “Now that’s just a bunch of horse apples!” The other Applejack objected, “Everyone knows that it’s all about how ya feel. So what need is there ta think too much about it? Any sensible pony would tell ya that Twilighting yer relationships are the least romantic thin’ ya can do.” He frowned, “Hey real Applejack! Do you ever go out in the fields, or deliver your apple products, or even charge into battle without thinking?” “'Course not,” the real Applejack said, folding her forelegs, “anyone who thinks that they can just do somethin’ without the proper knowhow is jus’ beggin’ ta have it blow up in their faces.” “But that’s different,” the other Applejack called out. “When it comes ta love, are ya sayin’ that jus’ have it all arranged is any better?” “So what? Is getting hitched in a drive-through wedding chapel in Las Pegasus in the middle of the night when you only have known your special somepony for two minutes any more sensible? To your impulsive feelings, it sounds like a good idea – it won’t be.” Overhead at the first ring where the other Gallus stood, a cloud formed overhead while another Discord nearby in an angelic dress with a golden harp muttered why the author is forcing these background Discords into drag. “Up next in our masquerade of mistakes,” Discord pointed upward, “he’s from Cloudsdale, a pretty good professional flyer, and has no clue why his past dates keep blowing up in his face, it’s Freak number four!” Out from the cloud that flew around a few times around the tent was another Soarin that had on the trademark Wonderbolt outfit. He saluted before descending to the first ring, kissing the other Gallus on the cheek. “We’re in luck folks,” Discord announced, “because this one is a double-header! Because he has within him two reasons why he would end up marrying the wrong kind of guy. Don’t believe me? Watch this.” He waved to him, “Hey, other Soarin! Why did you get married?” The other Soarin smirked, “Because I’m in love and he makes me happy.” “Take heed of this,” Discord pointed out, “most couples think they want happiness, but remember, what we’re after is what we were used to since foalhood – which usually doesn’t involve too much happiness at all. (Ask a teenager.) For most of us when we grew up, the love we were introduced to by our families and caregivers were stirred in with other, darker stuff. From being controlled, humiliated, being abandoned, neglected, or abused. Or to put it simply, we suffered, but that’s what we were at home with. Now when they say they want happiness, what they’re after is someone that feels familiar. “Again, to borrow from another lesson, this is exactly why, like Gallus, had rejected so many good and kind contestants. Despite us can’t figuring out what exactly is wrong with them, we say that they were boring, not interesting, queasy inducing and that they felt off. These two have brushed off those sorts of characters because they threatened to be kind to them.” “Well, it’s not merely that,” the other Soarin told him, “I married Gallus because I can be sure that with him around, all the good stuff that I experience will be permanent.” He turned to the other Gallus, resting a hoof underneath his beak, “Like that time when we were in Manehattan above the starry skyline, just flying around without a care in the world. I married him to make that last forever.” “Except,” Discord pointed out, “it didn’t. Sure, the romantic setting was nice, and as much as those Romantics would want to tell you, it doesn’t last. All of that goes away, and what one is left with is their spouse in a different sort of mood. Even when Gallus turns cold and better against this hubby, Soarin won’t just go because of the faith that he held in foalhood – that maybe the ones he loves will magically change.” The real Soarin winced at this. “Gallus,” Discord told him, “take notes on this. Just to warn you, that the source of his stubborn faith comes from his family. As difficult as they may be, foals couldn’t just get rid of their caregivers, since they can’t go anywhere or do anything about it, Soarin had to settle on doing what other foals do pretty well in situations like this. Hope against all hope that the parents and siblings are on the edge of changing for the better. That as long as they hold on long enough, show that they’re good, polite, and obedient, then all the difficulties of the adults will change just like that! He will, once he gets married, carry that same faith onto his potential spouse. Because he’s never learned the art that will save his sanity – having the capacity to give up on certain folks.” “Hey! Wait a minute!” the real Soarin objected. “You can’t just give up on someone!” “Oh?” Discord stretched his already long body over to him. “And why not?” “Well for one, it’s the right thing to do. You have to give someone a second chance to grow. I mean look at you, the Elements gave you several chances to become better.” “Yes,” Discord frowned, “because I’ve earned it. Whenever I slip up, I have to prove that I could evolve. Tell me, Soarin, how many times can you give someone another chance to change when every single time they refuse to move?” Soarin didn’t respond. “Unless you have the patience of a saint, most would probably give two, three, maybe five chances at most before they have no other choice but to walk away from them. I’m sorry to shatter your faith, but hopeless cases do exist. Trust me, I’ve encountered a few that are so traumatized in their past that they are glued to the floor. All giving someone unlimited chances to change and then they don’t despite the honeyed words proves is the very definition of insane.” Then Discord craned his head back into place. “But back to the topic at hoof.” Overhead where the cloud still remained, suddenly and unexpectedly, a rainbow bridge spewed out and landed next to the other Applejack. The bridge was obviously fake from being made out of wood, had hoofrailings, even a sign overhead is written in crayon. “Not the Bifröst,” it says. From it, another Rainbow Dash walked out from the cloud where other copies of Discords swarm around her, trying to get her autograph while the real Rainbow looked on with envy. “Now this one needs no introduction, except that this one has an ego that would eclipse the sun, here she is – Freak number five!” The other Rainbow Dash got off the fake rainbow stairs and bowed, “Thank you, thank you.” “Folks, out of all the reasons why marriages fail, this one is probably the most fascinating. Listen to this,” he turned to the bowing pegasus that was blowing kisses, “Hey, other Rainbow Dash! Why did you get married?” “Just… cause.” Both the real Rainbow and Applejack looked at one another, their expressions shared the same level if skeptical disbelief. “That doesn’t sound like me,” the real Rainbow pointed out. “To be fair, it’s a little simplistic of an answer,” Discord replied, “because the actual reason here, is something far stranger yet, kinda sad at the same time. This one,” he pointed to the other Rainbow, “married to stop thinking about love.” “…. I don’t follow.” “If we’re being bluntly honest, trying to find the right one for us… it’s such a huge headache. I mean the endless streams of parties, the boring dates, advertising yourself to have someone notice you, putting up with expensive drinks at bars, the one-night stands that go nowhere, the orgies that make you walk funny for a week – it’s downright exhausting! Having to pretend to be someone you’re not, saying all those cringy lovey-dovey words, emptying your bank account completely to impress someone, tolerating their family while being embarrassed about your own, the interrogation from your friends and family about when are you going to settle down… you get married, to make all of that stop. You get married to shut everyone up and hope that maybe you’d get some peace of mind.” The real Applejack’s head slowly turned to her wife. Rainbow could feel her eyes trying to burn into her skull. “Ah! Not here!” Discord called out, “If you’re going to fight, do it at the Argument attraction. But for now, is the least common reason why marriages go up in smoke. Please welcome her royal highness, Freak number six!” A door was flung open in the darkness where an angelic choir welcomed in half a dozen Discord copies carrying a golden throne that had another Fluttershy on it. The very sight of which causes a few raised eyebrows from Silverstream and Gallus. Once the other Fluttershy was sat down in the ring with the other Silverstream, Discord turned to bow to her. “So, to complete this show,” he addressed the other Fluttershy, “if you don’t mind of me asking, do you think you have the right to disappoint your spouse when needed?” The other Fluttershy gasped, “Oh no! I can’t do that. If I disappoint anyone, that would make me as a bad lover.” “At first, it may sound that this line of thinking has good intentions. However, sometimes the source of this comes from a place where one wants to preserve whatever good they got. There’s a fear with this, that if one starts a conflict, it just might make it worse. So, in desperation, they settle in swallowing their hurt in the name of preservation. It gets worse when they’re forced themselves to settle someone that isn’t good for them. After all, how could they turn down the love of another, even if it comes with poisonous elements? How, given how someone is, could they bring someone else to tears even if they had a reasonable complaint?” The copies of the couples in the rings took hooves, announcing to their counterparts, “I want a divorce.” Suddenly, these copies collapsed like a tall house of cards, and all that was left of them were piles of playing cards. “All of these reasons,” concluded Discord, “is more or less why you will or have married the wrong individual. To be fair, however, it’s not exactly anyone’s fault because no one has really had us take a closer look at how many of us, with all our insanities, would have on someone else. Sure, in a hundred years we might get it right, but for now, it’s best to realize the impulses we have that we need to give ourselves a reality check.”