Sadly for the Crusaders, after the excitement of Monday, Tuesday proved to be a bit of a let-down. The excitement of finding out their History of Magic teacher was a ghost was quickly extinguished when his voice droned out across the classroom…
“Now today we shall be learning about the Gargoyle Strike of 1911.” Professor Binns monotone voice sounded across the classroom.
Even before the end of the first sentence Scootaloo was asleep. Apple Bloom tried her best but quickly zoned out as she often did when Granny Smith waffled on for too long. Within ten minutes most the class were fast asleep. Only Hermione and Sweetie Belle seemed able to avoid the sleep-inducing droll of the professor’s voice and both Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were extremely grateful they were able to copy the latter’s notes in the library in the free period that followed.
Following their morning break, they then had to deal with their first Potions lesson where Snape the snake informed them that this would be their theory lesson for the week, often in preparation for the practical session at the end of the week. He then gave them an introduction to the subject involving the importance of potions, the effects they can have and the ten vital steps to a successful potion. These included clean equipment, correctly functioning equipment, correct ingredients, follow the recipe, timing, ageing, stirring techniques, bottling, using the correct incantation, and most importantly competence in your own ability and skill. He then went on to talk about what they would be brewing Friday, a cure for boils and set them their homework, which was preparation for their first potions attempt. By this point Scootaloo was near breaking point from boredom and swiftly left the classroom to go for a fly. Her two best friends accompanied by Hannah, Megan and Susan followed her and sat in the grounds watching the breath-taking acrobatic display whilst going over their notes from the previous lesson and preparing for Friday.
After this, the horde of Hufflepuff first years made their way to lunch where Scootaloo exclaimed. “I swear if I have to listen to one more boring lecture I’m going to scream.”
The girls all looked at each other a little worried before Apple Bloom piped up.
“Don’t worry Scootaloo, next up is Defence Against the Dark Arts. I’m sure that’ll be a little more interesting. Plus, remember you need knowledge to brew potions. Wouldn’t want any accidents now, would we?”
“You forgot one important detail Apple Bloom: Sweetie Belle. If there is a potion lab left by the end of the week it’ll be a miracle.” Scootaloo deadpanned.
“Says the girl who blew up the south tower.” Sweetie Belle snidely replied.
“Touché. Although I am really looking forward to this next class.”
*
“WHAT IN TARTARUS WAS THAT!!!” Scootaloo screamed. “It was worse than history. Sweetie, please tell me you understood some of th-th-that. Oh, sweet Celestia I’ve caught his stammer.” Scootaloo exclaimed.
“I’ve no idea what we just spent fifty minutes witnessing. Girls, any help?” Sweetie replied.
Five girls shrugged their shoulders.
“Right, that’s it. Girls, to the dormitory. It is time I wrote a letter.”
*
Being over one thousand years old very little shocked the Princess of the Sun, although a one-legged, one-eyed parrot shouting Fat Cow needs to lay of the fucking cake would do the job just perfectly, especially after several nights with little sleep. After having blasted a hole in the castle wall in a moment of sleep-deprived insanity a letter dropped upon her muzzle.
Dear Princess Celestia,
We do hope you are well and apologise in advance for Wally’s bad language. I just wanted to inform you that Magic School is going well although we’ve found some of the teachers a little lacking in their abilities, most notably in Defence Against the Dark Arts. We were hoping that you would be kind enough to release my adoptive father and see if he’d be willing to tutor us in such a subject. I know he really wants me to succeed but without his help I’m unsure how we can possibly do so when such a subject is taught by a nervous quivering buffoon.
Yours faithfully,
Scooti Alaw Prewett
Hmm, interesting Celestia mused. Not only could this help to reform Discord, this could also help in getting rid of him for a few months and giving her some much-needed peace and quiet. The consistent late-night chuckling and bird choirs were really eating into her sleep.
*
Scootaloo walked gloomily into the Great Hall. She’d been kept behind for nearly half an hour after falling asleep in Astronomy theory. Professor Sinistra had not been pleased especially when she’d apologised by saying that she couldn’t help it after so many awfully boring lessons today. It had also cost Hufflepuff ten points. Sighing she squeezed in next to the girls as they all waited for dinner to appear.
“So, how’d it go?” Apple Bloom enquired.
“She totally hates me.” Scootaloo groaned.
“Yeah you were rather rude to her.” Sweetie added.
“Well I’m sorry that I’ve been stuck in three boring lessons already today and couldn’t stomach a fourth. She’s also given me extra homework because of it instructing me to write a five-hundred-word essay on the importance of astronomy before tonight’s practical. I’ve half a mind to skive off but don’t want any more trouble in my first week.” Scootaloo complained.
“Oh, I am sorry that some of the teachers are not meeting the chaotic standards you expected. Nice job on that tower yesterday by the way, truly chaotic. And I hear congratulations are in order, someone finally got their cutie mark.” A voice sounded from behind Scootaloo before the sound of party poppers followed by confetti reigning down upon her occurred. The girl swiftly turned around and hugged her adoptive father. “Discord, you came.” She mumbled her head buried in Discord’s chest.
To avoid permanently scarring the minds of some of the humans the draconequus had taken the form of a middle-aged humanoid male with slightly tanned skin and black hair with a hint of white. He wore a white shirt and brown suit with yellow patches with pink polka dots on the elbows. To top it all off he had a pink tie with yellow polka dots.
“Yes. I wasn’t exactly given much choice. Celestia stated it was either this or being turned back to stone and sent to the moon for a thousand years or more. I think I kind of made her cranky with all those midnight bird choirs I orchestrated.” Discord chuckled.
Scootaloo guffawed. “Yes, that would do it. Would you like to join us for dinner?”
“I’d be delighted, but first I’d better introduce myself before the scowling man behind me does something he regrets.”
“Explain yourself and how you got through the wards and protections.” Snape growled; wand raised at Discord’s back.
“It’s okay professor.” Apple Bloom pitched in. “This is Discord, Lord, Master and God of Chaos. After a frankly disastrous Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson Scootaloo sent Princess Celestia a letter. He’s come here to tutor us on the subject.
“Hmm.” Snape considered his position for a moment before lowering his wand. Even he knew going up against a literal God would not end well for him. Thankfully at that moment Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall strode into the room.
“Huh, looks like we’ve an unexpected guest. Anyone like to explain?” The headmaster said cheerfully trying to hide his surprise at the sudden intrusion.
At this Discord turned and shook Dumbledore’s hand. “Ah, Albus Dumbledore, a pleasure to meet you. Name is Discord. I have many titles as Apple Bloom here just pointed out but think the most important one is God of Chaos. Princess Celestia received an unfortunate letter in relation to one or two of the girls’ teachers and thus she has hired me to take on their Defence Against the Dark Arts tutoring. I hope you will have no problem with this.” Discord explained quickly handing the dumbfounded headmaster a letter.
Scootaloo giggled.
Dumbledore read the letter in astonishment before turning his head back to the new arrival. “I’m guessing you are properly trained to take on such a position.”
“Just a moment.” He snapped two of his fingers and copies of The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection and The Essential Defence Against the Dark Arts appeared floating in front of him. Putting a pair of glasses upon his nose he took one of the books and flipped through it at break neck pace before doing the same with the second one.
“Incredible.” Dumbledore murmured.
“Yes, that seems like a good place to start. Although they are young, I think we will start by looking at the three unforgivable curses, on a theoretical basis of course, and possible ways to combat them. You can never be too young to learn of the dangers of such power. Alongside this we will also look at dark charms and how to combat them, whilst also possibly exploring the beneficial use of these. Curses and Counter-Curses (Bewitch your Friends and Befuddle your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and much, much more) by Professor Vindictus Viridian will be of particular help here. Yes, these may not be the most ethical approaches to teaching the subject and they may be young but you never know when or where dark magic will spring up and they certainly will not play by the rules. Thus, an unprepared student is a dead student and looking around I don’t feel we have enough to spare right now.”
Dumbledore and Minerva stared at him mouth agape, shocked at his blasé attitude. Snape looked at the new so-called tutor with disdain. Discord just continued his basis for the curriculum.
In between all this we will study dark creatures and how some of these spells and others can combat such creatures. This will likely cover the majority of the first two years of the course and part of three I would suspect. As we head into the third year and I feel they are proficient enough I’ll add the concept of duelling to the curriculum although I may introduce this sooner if the girls are ready. In years four and five we will likely revisit what they have learnt over the course of the first three years in preparation for their O.W.L’s and if I feel they are ready will introduce them to some of the more advanced aspects of the course, teaching them the unforgiveable curses and seeing how they combat them alongside some of the more gruesome dark creatures out there. I feel that should suffice for an explanation.” Discord finished shutting a notebook that had appeared from nowhere.
Minerva still had her mouth wide open. Dumbledore looked at the new addition impressed. Snape continued with his death glare.
Folding up the letter the headmaster spoke. “Fair enough. You’ve provided a very detailed and thorough explanation of your knowledge and how you plan to apply it. Although I trust Quirrell’s ability and qualifications for the post I cannot stand in the way if a parent/guardian feels such teachings is not adequate enough and hires a personal tutor. So be it, would you like some dinner and then we shall see to your living quarters. Oh, and will it just be the three girls you shall be tutoring?”
“Although I have only been tasked to tutor them, I’m quite happy to tutor any of their friends as well.” Discord explained.
Every first year Hufflepuff looked at Scootaloo pleadingly.
The girl laughed. “Think you can tutor twelve of us?”
“Thirteen including myself, what a delightfully chaotic number. I’d be honoured.” Discord chimed. “And remind me to take a look at the damage my charge caused yesterday, I’m sure I’ll be able to sort out the damage she caused.” Discord cackled.
Dumbledore wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or worried.
*
Soon after dinner Discord stood in front of the pile of rubble with Dumbledore that used to be the South Tower. “Hmm” he mused. “Yes, that should do it.”
He pulled out his wand, dogwood with draconequus hair 13 inches and 13mm in length rather bendy. Muttering some words, he flashed his wand at the pile of rubble and to Dumbledore’s amazement the tower reappeared, albeit a little crooked. Wandering inside he found stairs to nowhere, slanting floors, a classroom where the gravity had completely disappeared and he floated onto the ceiling, another classroom that had books flying all around. As he explored more and more of the rebuilt tower, the eccentricities of the tower grew more and more. There was a door which led straight into a brick wall, another classroom which transfigured him into a pony and back again once he left and so much more. Dumbledore loved it. It was pure honest chaos and totally what Hogwarts was all about. Nothing dark or dangerous he had previously been fearing.
“I love the improvements.” He commented as they left the newly rebuilt tower, I think I’ll rename it the Discord tower. Yes, that suits it perfectly.”
Discord chuckled, “I knew you would. Shame that misery guts Snape won’t be teaching here.”
Dumbledore laughed. “Oh, he would just love that. Sadly, I don’t think I could move the Potions lessons just for comedy value alone.”
“Hmm, well you know that Miss Belle has a restraining order against her for ovens back in Equestria and her first attempt at a potion nearly led to the Burrow being burned down?” Discord quipped.
Dumbledore looked at him for a moment before sighing. “I really wish you were joking. Oh well, at least if the Potions lab suffers damage we know where we can place some of the lessons until its fixed.” Dumbledore ended with a good hearty guffaw and was soon joined by the God of Chaos.
Somewhere in the bowels of the dungeons Snape shuddered suddenly and unexpectedly.
*
“Miss Prewett. Do you wish to fail Astronomy?” Professor Sinistra sighed coming across the girl fast asleep and drooling upon her telescope.
“Huh, what, uh oh. Crap, I’m in trouble again aren’t I.” Scootaloo summarised jerked awake from her slumber.
“I read your essay. How can you not see the importance of stars and our solar system aside from it being a tool in your Divination studies. The sun provides us with heat and light, the moon effects the tide and gravity. The stars guide us when darkness surround us. The universe around us provides us with life and a vast ocean to explore and understand. And that’s before you consider the beauty of the night sky. How can you not see that?” She tried to explain to the girl.
Scootaloo was fast asleep once again.
Sinistra sighed. Unfortunately, there were some students you just could not help no matter how much you tried. At least Miss Prewett’s two friends seemed to be greatly enjoying the class and were constantly in discussion about the stars and planets positions. Two out of three wasn’t bad Sinistra thought to herself.
*
Despite Scootaloo sleeping through much of Tuesday all of the girls slept in till ten the next morning before heading to the Great Hall for a late breakfast.
“So, what have we got first today? Scootaloo asked with a yawn before picking up and nibbling a piece of toast.
“How can you still be tired?” Megan exclaimed. “You slept through most of yesterday’s classes.”
“Pegasi. What you expect. Her role model is even worse. She’s either doing something extraordinary and insane or being incredibly lazy.” Sweetie Belle interjected.
“Hey, I’m not lazy and I actually had a very good night sleep thank you.” Scootaloo argued. “So, what delights do we have today?”
“We start with History of Magic fourth period.” Sweetie Belle paused as the groans chorused round the table.
“At least Scootaloo can get even more sleep.” Megan joked.
“Ha ha, very funny. I didn’t see you staying awake yesterday either.” Scootaloo retorted.
“Of course not, you were fast asleep.” Megan jested.
Scootaloo was about to retort back when Sweetie coughed politely.
“Apologies, what else we got?”
“Transfiguration fifth and Herbology seventh.” Sweetie finished.
Megan laughed. “Anyone want to take a bet Scootaloo will fall asleep in the lot?”
“Hey, I resent that. Anyone else need to finish their homework for Transfiguration?” Scootaloo continued trying to change the topic. Several girls raised their hands.
“Awesome, shall we get started then.”
*
After the chaotic nature of the past two days Wednesday actually managed to pass quite peacefully. After almost all the students took a nap in History, especially as some were still tired from being up so late the night before, they did a bit more studying for Transfiguration over lunch before Dumbledore again went over the four types, five exceptions and transfiguration formula, although this time he applied the knowledge to a number of demonstrations. Scootaloo had to admit seeing a desk turn into a pig was pretty cool. Still, unlike Charms which seemed to be pretty instinctual, there seemed a lot of science and precise preparation in order to make a transfiguration occur correctly making them a lot more difficult. The whole transfiguration alphabet they’d had a brief intro to in their first lesson also seemed very confusing. It was an alphabet devised as a generic language for the transfiguration research committee to breach language barriers and was now used widely across the magical world for magical texts and research papers. By also marking the correct shapes for each letter out with one’s wand, there was a greater chance of a successful spell due to the greater concentration this required. Still, as Dumbledore had explained, this method came with numerous flaws in that it was a lot slower than just saying the incantation due to having to precisely draw each symbol correctly in the air and that one small mistake would not only mean the spell would not work, you’d also have to start over once again. Although helped by Apple Bloom and especially Sweetie, Scootaloo knew she was likely to struggle in such a subject.
After a short break the girls were back out in the greenhouse again where Professor Sprout started to show them how to take care of some of the more sedate plants and continued to inform them of their uses, which Apple Bloom continually found fascinating and asked many questions. This seemed to please Professor Sprout a lot although she was a little concerned with Scootaloo’s feigned interest that she could see right through.
After this the Crusaders found themselves in the Great Hall where they went over Sweetie’s History notes, assisted Scootaloo with her Potions homework and continued practicing the Lumos spell in-between dinner.
Finally, after sending Wally off with a letter for their sisters it was bed time once again. Sweetie was a little concerned with the wide grin that Scootaloo had upon her face.
“Might I ask why Creepaloo has returned?” She enquired.
“We have double Defence Against the Dark Arts with Discord first thing tomorrow. It’s going to be awesome.” She squealed with glee floating several feet of the ground.
“Ahh, I see.” Sweetie replied a similar grin appearing on her face. She had to agree, it certainly would be interesting.
*
Applejack and Rainbow were sat snuggled on the couch, the latter now with both left legs in cast after Monday night’s antics. Suddenly, just as Applejack leant in for a kiss that darned parrot flew out of nowhere perched upon her hat and vomited a letter upon her lap.
“I’ll never get used to that.” Applejack grumbled.
“Lesbian Whores.” The parrot chimed.
“Or that.”
Rainbow Dash just giggled. “Well he’s at least half right and I’m sure we can make the other half true to. I know you don’t like liars.” She gave her marefriend a sultry look.
“Get a room and a dildo” Wally piped in. “But get me some fucking crackers first you whores.”
“I hate that bird.” Applejack groaned her orange coat suddenly becoming tinged with red as Rainbow fell of the sofa in a laughing fit. She rolled open the scroll.
Dear Applejack, Rarity and our families,
Our first couple of days at Hogwarts have been extremely interesting and busy. We arrived late on Sunday evening upon a train entitled the Hogwarts Express and shortly found ourselves in a massive castle with a huge hall where we were sorted by a talking hat into our houses. We were all a little nervous but were extremely happy and relieved once we were all sorted into the same house, Hufflepuff, yippee. The other houses are called Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Anyway, after a massive feast we went to our house common room where we met our head of house Professor Sprout who is also the teacher of Herbology and who gave us our first-year timetables. Aside from Herbology we also are taught Potions, Transfiguration, History of Magic, Defence Against the Dark Arts (DADA), Astronomy, Charms and the basics to flying on broomsticks in our first year. I think the most important and exciting thing to happen across our first few days, as I’m guessing Pinkie has already told you is that we all got our Cutie Marks in these areas!!! Scootaloo’s represents flight and being able to predict the future, thus she has an extra class called Divination, mine is in transformation magic and Apple Bloom’s is in potions, although the Potions professor is a mean old bloke who has already given her one detention. We’ve ultimately been enjoying a lot of these lessons, although some we have found a little tedious or difficult to comprehend, and are having a great time so far. Thanks a lot for freeing Discord to teach us DADA. We could barely understand the professor assigned to us due to him stammering and stuttering so much. He also assisted in fixing one of the school’s towers after Scootaloo had an accident on her first day when she attempted her first magic spell and accidentally, I must stress, caused it to collapse. It is now a lot cooler to and has been renamed the Discord tower. Today we studied transfiguration whilst books flew all around us! Anyway, hope everything is well in Equestria,
Sweetie, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.
Applejack stared at the letter in complete an utter shock causing Rainbow’s laughing fit to finally come to a halt.
“What’s wrong?” She said with a worried look upon her face.
“You know how I thought Mayor Mare was being a bit unfair at wanting to keep the girls away from Ponyville as long as possible?”
“I remember you absolutely blew a gasket at her.” Rainbow replied.
“I owe her an apology. One day, one day.” Applejack murmured still shocked by what she had read.
Rainbow took the letter from her marefriend’s hooves and quickly skimmed over it before falling into another laughing fit. Slowly as she managed to get control of herself, she managed to eke out “oh that’s priceless. More importantly though what will it be my dear, twenty bits, the lacy underwear photoshoot or the Macintosh 3000.”
Applejack face hooved. “Why’d I ever take that bet.”
“I’ll be upstairs love.” Rainbow said in a smug tone hobbling to the door.
“Fucking lesbians.” Wally cawed. “And where are my fucking crackers?”
“Oh, can it.” Applejack retorted heading for the kitchen. It was going to be a long evening.