//------------------------------// // Exploring Equestria ARC // Story: Fanfic Collab. What Have We Done Now? // by Darkyellowz //------------------------------// Exploring Equstria ARC “And then I was like; screw you! I’m 13!” Ben was telling Derpy about the time he fought off three guys at school. It was obvious bullshit, but it entertained Derpy. “So Derpy, where are we? Do you have any idea?” Tom poses. “You’re both in Equstria! Ponyville to be exact. Up there is Cloudsdale!” Derpy pointed at the ground. Tom could have swore he heard an audible DERP as Derpy finished her sentence, as silly as it was. “Yes, but do you have any idea where in Ponyville we are?” “Oh silly Tom. Ponyville is just one place. It EASY to get around Ponyville.” Ben waved down his hand at Tom. “I’m going with Muffin on this one!” Derpy adds in. “Cool story bros.” Ben hops off Derpy and gets out his wallet. “Hmm...” He analyzes the money he has. “$100... What do you think we could get with that, Tom?” Ben asks. “Nothing, because the currency is bits in Ponyville...” Tom shrugs. “Luckily, I’m even poorer than you.” “Well, lets go see. I’m hungry really.” Ben hops back onto Derpy and goes to the main marketing area. “We may find Epple Jecks!” Tom fistbumps Ben for that excellent pun and continues to walk towards the market. “Oh, hey. There’s the apple stand.” Ben directs Derpy to walk over to the Apple Stand. Tom spots his favourite pony, squees out loud and then wonders how he can actually do that in this dimension. “Let’s do this brother, Derpy will you be our wingmare?” Derpy giggles, “What’s a wingmare?” Ben then signs something in-front of Derpy that makes her blush. “That’s a wing mare.” “Wait you understand Australian sign language? Geezuz, this dimension is all over the place...” Tom, utterly confused, walks over to the apple stand and spots Applejack taking a break from her busy day. He motions the two over to follow him and approaches the glistening, glowing mare. “Hi there AJ! How’s business going?” Whilst this is all going on, Derpy is shaking her plot in the air whilst Ben is wearing sunglasses. “Dat plot.” “Well hello there, I ain’t never seen a thing like y’all before. What are you, and how d’ya know mah name?” Applejack looks confused. “Why you’re Applejack, the most dependable pony in all of Ponyville, if not Equestria! And the best damn applefarmer worldwide from what I hear.” Tom says ending with a wink. Although it’s hard to see, AJ suddenly blushes just enough so you could notice, quite a feat considering her coat is orange. “Well, that’s mighty kind of ya. So what can I, ah, help you with today?” “Well we would love some breakfast, what would you recommend?” Ben has his shirt off by now, holding the foal. “Hey, how do I feed a foal? Derpy doesn’t know.” Applejack’s eyes go a little wide as she notices this, while the good Doctor attempts to maneuver his face away from Ben’s pitiful man nipples. “Scratch that, four apple muffins please. If you could.” Derpy perks up at the mention of muffins and fishes just enough bits out of her bag to cover the cost. “Well. That’s one perk of having a sexually attractive mare on your side.” Ben puts the Doctor onto Derpy’s back and puts his shirt back on. Tom leans over and whispers to Ben, “You find a mildly retarded mare attractive? Don’t get me wrong, she’s an awesome pony, but sexually attractive?” “Hey. Fuck you. I’m retarded mentally.” Ben says as he slaps Tom. Tom does not know why he received a slap to the face, but takes it in stride as AJ drops the muffins down on the bench and scoops the bits up. Tom grabs the tray, says thank you and walks over to a table where he hungrily digs into the tastiest treat he’s had for breakfast in a long time. Ben takes one of the muffins and eats it. “I still wanna eat a normal apple...” Derpy started to cut up, well smush a muffin for the Doctor, and feed it to him, while aggressively devouring her own. It wasn’t pretty. But it worked, as soon we were all reasonably broke from our fast. “I want to go back home... Then beat up someone... Tom, can I punch you?” Ben asks. “You couldn’t afford it. Dude what happened to you? You were twice as sane as me back home and now you’re borderline psychotic!” “Dunno. I have ADHD.” Ben gets out a container that holds some pills in it. He then withdraws one. “Hey, Tom. Can you force this down my throat?” “Anything for you buddy.” Tom then, in a cartoony fashion and with a quick fist, throws the pill up and through Ben’s naval cavity, thus disarming his gag reflex. Mission accomplished. “Tank you.” Ben coughs and deposits the container into his underwear. “Hopefully, that does the trick. So Derpy, what are your plans for this fine day?” Tom muses while attempting to give eye contact to the mare. Needless to say, that didn’t work out. “Well, Doctor said that I had to stay with the creatures I deliver the little muffin mail to.” Derpy says calmly. “And how much mail do you have left?” “None. Its like the whole of Equestria stopped using mail to contact others.” “Well, I wonder what could have caused that.” Derpy then did something that made Tom and Ben audibly voice their pleasure: she did the LOL I DUNNO shrug with full derp. HOLY CRAP BEST THING EVER. Recovering from the best thing that has ever happened to him in this universe, Tom then said, “So would you like to hang around with us for the day?” “Well, she was told by the doctor to accompany us. So duh Tom.” Ben then slaps Tom on the back of the head and hops onto Derpy’s back as she fully stands on her four legs. “Lets go back to the trash pile to get what we need.” “Wait, but the Doctor hasn’t said a word? Ah what the buck.” The four begin walking back towards the trash pile of goodies with the Doctor on Derpy’s back. Suddenly out of fucking nowhere, Pinkie Pie could be heard giggling like a fuggin crackhead or something. “And I said Oatmeal, are you crazy?” Followed by that was the laughter of what sounded like a young human girl. “Ya’know. I think that this trashpile might be like a portal or something...” Ben hopped off Derpy and began to look through the trash pile. “My laptop should be here somewhere...” “What’s a laaaaaap taaaap?” Derpy says so derpy and innocently. “It’s a thing to store porn on.” Ben replies blankly. “Porn? Lovely....” The strange girl said in a disgusted tone. Meanwhile Pinkie began to nom on Tom’s head as if it were made of candy. “AAAAAH FUCK MY HAIR!” Tom yelled. “Actually, that feels pretty good. Don’t stop you silly pony.” Ben’s ears perked up, despite him being a human. He can move his ear muscles. “Rachel!?” Upon hearing her name she looked at the boy more closely, suddenly jumping in surprise “Ben?! The fuck are you doing here?” “Oh boy, it’s good seeing you here Rachel. But really, I don’t know.” Ben is suddenly hugging Rachel. “Tom just started rolling on the ground and we appeared here.” “Huh.....I see. I dunno how I got here. I was just derping on le computer when suddenly Pinkie here just came outta nowhere and pulled me in or something. I dunno. I was distracted by shounen-ai,” Rachel said as she was hugged by her friend. WHEW. “Group HUGS!” Tom immediately broke contact from Pinkie, and didn’t scream as half a dozen hair follicles separated from his scalp, and ran over to the two, glomping them aggressively. Quickly acting, Ben jumps away to avoid Tom then goes back to getting his Laptop out of the trash. “Well, here’s the laptop... Now I just need the charger and I can get a unicorn to create electricity!” “I’m not sure if Twilight will help us Ben... you did threaten to kill her.” “Where would we even find an outlet in here?” Rachel said as Pinkie quickly sat upon her head. “DA MAGICKS. No seriously Rachel, there are none, these are ponies, everything is magic run.” Tom said matter of factly, and patted himself on the back for having a correct headcannon. “Gee, I had no idea,” Rachel said as suddenly Pinkie’s tail started twitching. “Twitcha twitch, twitcha twitch!” “I already know an outlet.” Ben walks over to Derpy, then puts the plug for the charger into her plot. “See, an outlet.” Derpy didn’t seem to notice. “..........Idiot.” Rachel said, rolling her eyes. “Oh fine...” Ben takes the plug out and throws it away. Then he picks up his School bag and puts the laptop in it. “Lets just go see Celestia. Or should we send her a letter?” Ben patted Derpy on the back. The mare seemed to be having a massive DERP moment. “Ooooooooooo, you should send a letter!” Pinkie suddenly shouted. “I like mail too.” Tom stated. Both shared a smile, which turned quickly into a smile off, until Tom’s face hurt from having to accept physics as its lord and master. “Sooo.....what exactly should we say in the letter?” Rachel said as she was watching Tom and Pinkie goof around. Ben was sitting on Derpy’s back. “Lets go and talk to Twilight!” Derpy spread her wings. “Let’s all go!” *MUSICAL NUMBER START* *MUSICAL NUMBER END* Thanks to that musical number for depositing us at the library, and making the ponies a little less scared of us. Pinkie quickly knocked on the door, in a secret code for some reason. Note: No baby dragons were harmed during the making of this musical. Except for the bucket. He will be missed dearly. “Twilight! Your plot is sexy and I want to bone you!” Ben yells out. Rachel slapped her forehead and proceeded to kick Ben in the ass. “Idiot, you don’t yell that kinda stuff out!” she said in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’ve been dealing with that shit for ages now, I thought he was better after his pill, but obviously not... At least I’m a little more subtle about it...” Tom nodded his head as Twilight came out. And because Ben was on Derpy’s back, Rachel kicked him in the back. “Screw you all...” Ben slumped. Twilight came out, and with an already tired of this situation look on her face, said, “What the buck do you idiots want? Oh hai Pinkie!” “Hi Twilight!” Pinkie said excitedly. “These are my new friends!” “Ohoho, this is certainly the most interesting thing I have seen in centuries.” , Discord said as he watched from a far away place. “I certainly wonder how things will turn out.” He said with a devilish grin on his face as he continued watching. “Applejack likes bucking trees.” Ben says. “Imma let you finish Ben, but my sentence is the most important of AHL THYME. So Twilight, we were wondering if you could produce some electricity for us, we have technologies from Earth we could use to assist modern ponykind in their advancements!” Of course, Twilight perked up at this, “Ooooooh, what is it? What is it?” Meanwhile Pinkie and Rachel were having a nice talk about Pie. “I won’t show you the laptop... Not unless you satisfy a deal of mine.” Ben smirked. “Heheh, make me proud son.” Discord said as Ben was smirking. Twilight sighs for what seems like the thousandth time today, “What’s your terms?” “I wish for a nuzzle! Not a plain old one. One that’s all fluffy and stuff. like how Derpy nuzzles.” Sigh #1001, “Fine.” Twilight musters up all her adorableness for the next two months and nuzzles Ben COMPLETELY APPROPRIATELY IN A WAY THAT COULD NOT MAKE HIM SEXUALLY AROUSED OR OTHERWISE AT ALL. Makes Ben aroused anyway. “Heheheheheh~” Ben deposits the laptop and gives it to Twilight. “So what does this thing do?” Twi says once her BLEH face has dissipated. “Well essentially, it can connect to all the other laptops and computers around the world and get information about pretty much anything from pretty much anywhere.” Tom explains rather badly. Twilight’s eyes then sparkle madly, before she makes a mad grab for the device. “WOAH there nelly! This thing is not made for hooves. I can use it, but the problem is since we’re in another world, it’ll be hard to connect to anything else other than what’s already on here. And as this is Ben’s laptop, I’d say you don’t want to see what’s on here.” “Nothing much is on there. Just some games and what not. Oh and some of my pairings. Well, from Sonic the Hedgehog and what not...” Ben says in a matter-of-fact voice. “So we got the clean one then? Excellent news. All right let’s open this thing up then.” Tom turns on the laptop which has about a three quarter battery left. As the rest of them fiddled with the laptop Pinkie and Rachel started to make silly faces at each other while suddenly wearing old west attire. Ben walks over to Pinkie and Rachel. “Come on baby, shake that plot!” Thinking Ben was talking about a story, Pinkie suddenly grabbed one of Twilight’s books and began to shake it around. “Oh. Okay.” Ben sits on the ground. “Can we time skip?” “Yeah this is gonna take a while otherwise...” REWIND NOISE (So Tom [interjected occasionally by Rachel and Ben] has just explained the internet to Twilight, of course not mentioning the 80% of porn that makes it up, and blocking Ben everytime he tries to do so, but Ben was too busy telling the story of Cupcakes to Pinkie Pie while Rachel calmed Pinkie down and told her it was just a story and then cake happened. It was delicious and moist.] “Far out I’m tired after that.” “Well. I don’t want to sleep outside. So I’m sleeping under Derpy. With Whoovies.” Ben says. “Well this seems acceptable. Rachel, I’m sure if Twilight is willing she could supply us with a bed for the night before we head off on our next more eventful adventure?” At that moment, Derpy’s wings can be heard as Ben flies off on Derpy’s back. “To Cloudsdale! I will wreak chaos and havoc!” “What in the world is that idiot doing?” Rachel said as Pinkie hopped on top of her head again. “I honestly have no idea, but I’m getting a bit sad that everyone seems to have a pony compatriot but me...” Ben comes back “It’s Twilight. And remember, wear a condom or you get aids.” Then Ben flies back off, towards Rainbow Dash’s house. “........ wat.” Twilight firmly blushes until I am sure she has been broken. “I’ll kill you finally, Rainbow Dash!” Ben yells, laughing while disappearing into the skies, and Derpy laughing but not knowing why she’s laughing. “Anyway, yes you’d all be welcome to stay the night. Thank god Ben’s finally gone.” Twilight says relieved beyond comparation. “Yeah, but I have a feeling we’ll have a whole mess of trouble to deal with tomorrow.” Rachel said as she sat down on the floor. “Pinkie are you staying with us tonight, or are you heading home?” Tom asked politely. “Hmmmmmmm......I’ll stay here. Ooooooo, it’ll be like a sleepover!” Pinkie said excitedly. Later that night. Ben pushes Tom lightly, trying to wake him. “Tom... Tom... Hey, Tom...” “What the actual fuck is happening to my life.” Tom then raises his head from the pillow on the couch, “what the fuck could you want this late at night Ben? And where’s Derpy gone?” “Derpy is outside. But anyway. I need something to give to Rarity.” Ben whispers. “Alright, what’s going on?” Rachel as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. Pinkie Pie was still attached to her head for some reason, and quietly snoring, and occasionally giggling. “Ben wants to bang Rarity. God knows why at this hour.” “No, no, no. Let me explain.” Ben whispers. “So yeah... It’s why I want to go and talk with her...” Ben was laying on Derpy, watching the sunset. “Well, it might work. You never know. If it was me, you only have to give me a muffin!” Derpy tried her best to cheer Ben up. “Well, let’s just go meet her then.” Ben gets up and picks up Doctor Whooves, then climbs onto Derpy as she stands up. Then off she flew to the Carousel Boutique. Three knocks at the door Rarity opens it. “I’m sorry darling, we are closed.” Rarity says, her eyes closed. When she opens them she is greeted to a creature, the thing that Twilight was talking about. “Oh, hello darling.” “Dear madame Rarity, I have come to court you.” Ben put on his best english voice. (Tom interrupts the flashback) “I told you he was trying to bang her.” “Shut up Tom. Listen, don’t interrupt.” (Back to the flashback) During the time Derpy was crying, she felt Ben was one of her foals. She cried not out of sadness, but out of happiness. “My, my. What a gentleman... Well, you must bring me a gift by tomorrow. Then I shall think of it.” Rarity was blushing slightly. Ben got up from his stance “I shall return to you with a gift from my heart, dear Rarity.” Ben then ran and hopped onto Derpy’s back “Please, await for me!” Derpy then flew away. (Flashback over) “And yeah... That’s why I need help.” Ben says. “So out of fucking nowhere, you just wanted to be with Rarity. I’ve never heard about this before.” “I’m just more civilised than you. When I wish to be.” Ben grunts in his whisper. “Well as hard as that is to believe, I believe you. So what do you think a gift from your heart could involve?” “Well... I don’t know. I need you to come with me to the Everfree Forest so I can get something to make something out of.” “So we’ve been here for a day and you want to go into the Everfree? Far out man, that is a big task. Do you have any idea whatsoever as to what you want?” While Ben and Tom were talking, Pinkie and Rachel had already left Twilight’s library and were wandering about and walked into the Everfree Forest. “I’ve already had an idea. If we are stuck inside of some mind thing, then we should be able to find my OC’s Scroll Cave. Then I can grab one of his scrolls and give it to Rarity!” Ben was proud of his idea. “You think your OC exists in this world? I hope mine doesn’t, he’s pretty much me from what I remember...” “So ummm.....what are we doing in here Pinkie?” Rachel said as they wandered about. “Hmmmm....I dunno. Just to explore I guess” Pinkie said in a cheery, almost sing song voice. “Just get up. I’ll meet you over at the edge of the Everfree Forest near Fluttershy’s cottage.” Ben runs out loudly. Cursing under his breath, Tom decided he’d leave Twilight a note so she didn’t think anything terrible had happened, and thanked her once again for her hospitality and understanding in this matter. He also left a small XO next to his signature... then got pretty damn embarrassed. “Man, fuck that guy.” Tom grabbed his coat and started walking. Later, at the edge of the Everfree Forest. “Where the hell is that guy..?” Ben tapped his foot in frustration. “Right here bro, so tell me the plan. Where are we going? What the fuck are we doing?” “I need to get in there and find something to give to Rarity. Nothing back at the trash pile will satisfy her. No, I haven’t tried. But I’m sure it won’t please her. I mean like, I would give her my Rarity bedsheets. Buuuut... I kinda soiled them...” Ben rubs the back of his neck. “You know what? Let’s not get bogged down in the details as it were, let’s just push on and try to find something then get the fuck away from here, because the Everfree is creeping me out...” “Lets get the fuck in there then. Derpy, you stay out here. I don’t want your sexy plot to be violated.” Ben patted Derpy’s mane. “I like your mane... It’s yellow...” “Okai than.” Derpy agreed. Tom tries to ignore the one way sexual tension between the two, and starts walking towards the entrance. “Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.” Ben teleports in-front of Tom bending over With a very loud, “DO NOT WANT!” Tom kicks Ben in the presented arse and continues, a little more satisfied with life, walking down the path. “A/S/L?” Ben follows Tom in suit. “Shoulda put a ring on it~ Oh, oh, oh~ Whoa, ho, ho~ Uh oh~” “NO.” “I’m walkin’~ I’m clickin’~ I’m breathin’~ Like humans do~” Ben is now singing. Suddenly, a wild cave appears and Tom loses all his homicidal tendencies. “Tom. I wanna fart but...” “Let me just stop you right there, we’re here.” Tom and Ben stop to peer inside the cave, the dark dank cave. “Do you even lift?!” Ben yells out, with an audible echo. As the lifts subside, a small grumbling comes from the very back of the cave. “Dah fuck was that. I need to eat.” Ben is quite derpy. Meanwhile Pinkie and Rachel were still walking around Everfree Forest pretty much lost as all hell. “I’ll be back.” Ben walks into the dark cave. Random screams are to be had, and barks. “Arf, arf, arf!” “Whoa there boy! Calm down!” “Who are you?!” “Whoa the fuck are you?!” Boom, boom, slice, bang, bang. … … … Silence. “Bennnnn? You okayyyyyyyyyy?” Tom is yelling into the cave, but isn’t too enamoured with going in there... “UPUPDOWNDOWNLEFTRIGHTLEFTRIGHTBASTART!” Ben runs straight past Tom holding a bag of scrolls. After who the fuck knows how long, Pinkie and Rachel eventually find a cave. “Hey Ben wait, SHIT.” Tom spots a pony with what looks to be a very sharp horn coming towards him and decides the best course of action is to not turn around and be strongly violated but to move in the opposite direction quickly. “USE THE KONAMI CODE, TOM!” Ben yells. “It didn’t FUCKING WORK FOR YOU!” Tom screams out. “How am I already in Ponyville then?!” Ben yells. “I’m a pegasus!” Derpy joins in the yelling. Pinkie and Rachel just stand there in complete confusion. “Hey Tom! Heads up! Treebark boss!” Ben throws out a pokeball. “Tom get Pokeball!” Tom exclaims unnecessarily while catching the ball. Rachel suddenly pulls out a Digivice and uses it, causing Pinkie Pie to digivolve or something into Pinkiemon. Or Pinkie in an agumon suit. “I want to hug Rarity!” Ben flies down on Derpy next to Tom. All three humans then take a defensive stance against the treebark and Blin the OC. But Ben is just sitting on Derpy, watching. “NONONONONONONO! FUCK THE SCRIPT!” Ben jumps off Derpy and withdraw his katana. “FUCK THE POH-LICE!” His katana shone in the middest of the dark as he pointed it straight at the Treebark giant wolf thing. “When’s the first attack commander Tom?” “Awww yea. Go Rachel, destroy it!” “Alright. Pinkie, use your Pinkie Breath!” Already in an offensive position, Pinkie opened her mouth wide and sent a ball of pink fire at Treebark. As the fireball hits, a wild health bar appears over each of our heroes and villain. The health bar appeared to be reducing under the villain as the treebark caught fire. “Woo, go Pokeball!” Tom threw the Pokeball at the treebark as it opened and emitted a red pulsing light enveloping the treebark and enclosing it in the ball. As it slowly rocked back and forth, Tom pulled out a gameboy and mashed the shit out of the A button to further increase his chances. With a slight poof, the treebark was caught! Ben kicks the Pokeball away. “Screw you!” He yells at the Pokeball as it flies away. “... well fuck.” Tom starts walking away disappointed. Ben hops onto Derpy’s back. “Get on this fucking mare. She is sexy, you are not.” Tom then proceeds to recite the full version of Amazing Pony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cakkDjbBKmg “When we get back. I’m having sex with Applejack.” Ben jokes as the two fly away on the awesome mail mare Derpy’s back. Tom resigns himself to staying as silent as possible and not giving the retard he called a friend anymore ammo. ARRIVING IN PONYVILLE... “Ya’know. You go back to Twilights. I’ve got something really interesting to do.” Ben basically tells Tom to fuck off and sleep. “Cool story bro, see ya later!” Tom was glad to fuck off from that psycho. He began to walk to the library as Ben flew off with Derpy. LATER IN THE MORNING FUCKER... “Tom, the fuck up. I’m hungry.” Ben yells at the sleeping Tom. “Come on man, it’s fucking 5am.” “You might wanna act all sweetly around Applejack though. I kinda did something last night...” “Let me guess... flashback?” “Yes.” FUCK. FLASHBACK BEEEEEEEEEEEEOTCH... “Hey, orange mare!” Ben yells as he sits on Derpy, close to Applejack’s window. “Wake the fuck up!” “What in tarnation?!” Applejack opens the window. “Here, take this.” Ben gives Applejack the most romantic scroll in the bag. “It’s from my friend, Tom. We’ll come by the apple stand tomorrow.” Ben flys off on the mystical Derpy, then falls asleep in a bear’s armpits. In Fluttershy’s shed. FLASHBACK OVER BEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH... “Wow dude, you did that for me?” “Now come on. Buy me breakfast.” Ben pokes Tom’s right man nipple. “Okay then. Luckily, that bag has a couple of thousand bits in it, so we can afford to eat like kings!” Tom says with an air of control and smugness. “Oh... Okay...” Ben walks outside. “Get dressed!” “Dude, we’ve been wearing the same clothes for days... we don’t have any spares. I think my body has developed new subspecies of moulds.” “I had Rarity make us some new clothes. So we’re going there after breakfast.” “How did you convince her to do that for us? She barely knows you.” “I did things I didn’t mention in the flashback that I’m not proud of...” “Soooooooooo...... Foodbats time now?” Rachel said as Pinkie sat on her head once again. “FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM RACHEL!” as Tom jumped out of his skin. Then put it back on. “I’ve been here. Duuuuuuurr.” she said as Pinkie nibbled on her hair. “Come on now, we need to get Tom to his first date. And my breakfast!” Ben laughs as he sits on Derpy. As Derpy makes a slightly too delighted squeal, everyone starts walking towards the Apple family’s stand. “Hey Applejack! Your lovercolt is here!” Ben waves towards Applejack. Tom looks down at the ground really awkwardly. He waves towards where he thinks AJ is, “Hi Applejack.” AJ can barely even look up at him herself, she’s blushing so hard. In a small voice, she says, “That... that was you?” Tom then looks up a little more confidently, and says, “Eeeyup.” While Tom and AJ look at each other, Ben pipes up, “Hey AJ, do we still have to pay or can we get a free meal? Ya’know, just for today.” Applejack suddenly snaps out of her trance. “Ah, nope. Hey, uh, Tom, that’s yer name right?” Tom nods and AJ continues, “Can we talk in private over there?” She points over to the fields. “Woo! You go Tom!” Ben yells Tom on. “Yeah I think that’s going to be necessary.” They both walk over to the tree for the peace and quiet. Both of them both look at each other some more, and blush quite furiously, before Tom speaks. “So... what did you think of it?” “Weeeeeell... I’m not really sure what I thought. What did you think I would think?” “Um... I dunno.” “I’M SMOKING A BONG!” Ben was stealing from Applejack’s stand. “I don’t know either... But if you felt this way, y’ shoulda told me. I am after all the element of Honesty.” “Well yes AJ I’ve known this for a long time, and I’ve known you for what seems like a long time too. This is really weird.” as Tom rubbed the back of his neck. And the sun up in space, Celestia yells. “YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!” Both of them then proceeded to get even more embarassed, when AJ spoke up and said almost in a whisper, “yeah, maybe we should...” At the mention of this, Tom got down on his knees to AJs eye level and kissed her passionately for the first time. “WHERE’S MY FUCKING CAMERA?!” Tom then thought while he was engaged, well he did do this for me, so I can settle for this, then raising his middle finger to Ben. “FINE, NO MORE HELPING FOR YOU! ASSHOLE!” Tom broke the kiss and looked into AJs eyes, losing his grip on reality just that little bit, before feeling something touch his forehead. He looked up to see AJ bringing him into a hug. He and AJ then hugged for a few moments before the moment was well and truly destroyed by Ben. “No, fuck you OP. I’m eating apples. So I don’t give a shit.” Ben goes back to eating the stolen apples with Derpy and Doctor Whooves. No food was left for Tom. The two walked back over to the stand and AJ then put her hoof out. Tom fished out some bits and paid her up for the “stolen” goods. After all it’s only fair. “Dude you’re an asshole.” Tom looks defeated but luckily his sustenance was taken care of by the romance. So ha. “Have fun with that Faggot OP.” Ben put Doctor Whooves in his foal holder and sat on Derpy. “I’m gonna go to Twilight. I want to go to Canterlot.” “Yeah you do that mate. I’m gonna stay here for a little while and help AJ with the stand, if that’s ok with you AJ?” “Well I’d sure appreciate that. Thanks pardner.” AJ tips her hat, which has managed not to be rustled during all the drama and badly written romance. LATER, IN A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK... “Twilight, open the door.” Ben yells. “Good morning to you too human. What on Celestia’s green earth could you want now?” “I want to go see the princesses. I’ve been thinking about how we came here. It doesn’t seem right. And since I’m away from Tom I can start to think logically.” “Well that last part’s illogical in itself, but anyway, you’re right. It is strange how you just turned up here. I’ll write a letter and schedule an appointment right away. SPIIIIIIIIIIIIKE! Geez I feel dumb for not thinking of this earlier...” Twilight then starts to pace around the library. “Hah. I defeated Twilight.” Ben is now proud. “Yeah?” Spike said as he walked down the stairs. “Could you take a letter for me please?” “Sure” Spike said as he grabbed a quill and a scroll. “Dear Princess Celestia, For some reason I can’t even fathom, a human has arrived in Equestria, Ponyville no less. When can he and I make a visit to Canterlot to discuss their current situation? Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.” Spike quickly wrote the letter, rolling it up and using his magic fire to send it to Celestia. A FEW MINUTES LATER... Spike burped out a response, and began to read: “Dear my faithful student. Hearing about this has intrigued me further. I have noticed some weird energies emitting from the forest. I do require you to bring the humans here to Canterlot. I have sent the royal guards to pick you up. Your teacher, Princess Molestia Celestia.” “Huh. Well that’s odd. If my teacher has sent the royal guards, then they are only a few minutes away.” “Well. I wonder how Tom is doing. He seems to be Applejack’s new lovercolt.” Twilight looked at Ben for a moment confused, it almost seemed like she was... jealous? “Art thou upset?” “Ummm...” Twi then got her composure back, “No not at all, what makes you say that?” while she flashed one of the most fake ass smiles Ben and Spike had ever seen. “Hey, I was available. But you chose Tom.” Ben then coughs ‘Slut’ “ANYWAY. The royal chariot will be here quite soon so go and get...” she makes a slightly sickened face, “lovercolt.” “Hey, I wanted to be YOUR lovercolt. But then you went and loved up Tom.” Ben scoffed. Twi facehooved. “Let’s just go and wait for the chariot.” “Ya’know. I still like machine powered things.” “Well, you can tell me all about them outside while we wait.” Twilight begins to walk out of the library. “How about I tell you about how Tom and AJ’s date went?” Ben follows in tow. “I’m... not really interested in other ponies personal lives.” Twi said with that embarrassed look she’d perfected over the past couple of days. “Hey, I watched it. I was stealing apples.” Ben laughs. “Like I said, I don’t really want to know.” “Y’know. Its not really fair... Since I’m so young I’m not allowed to have sexual relations...” “Uh huh.” Twilight is feigning interest so she doesn’t actually absorb this info... “And then I was like, “You have caused many crimes upon this day... But in Lady Rarity’s name I shall end your life...” and I shot an arrow in his throat.” “Yeah.” “And then I boned Luna and Celestia in a dark dungeon.” “woooooow.” Twi is super unimpressed. “So, tell no one I told you this. I don’t want to die this soon...” Ben is finally finished with his story. “Oh look the royal chariot!” (“Thank Celestia that’s over” Twi thought in her internal monologue). “Now I can rape a stallion!” “Ok then... we should see if Tom has arrived yet.” “He’s a faggot. So nah.” Ben walks over to the chariot and gets in. “HEY YOU GUYS WAIT!” Tom comes running up to the chariot at full pelt with Applejack behind him. “We got the letter you sent. Thanks for the advance notice.” Tom says sarchastically. “I hope everythin’s gonna be alright with all y’all.” AJ says, more to comfort herself. “Ooohh... It was not a wise idea to bring your lovermare Tom.” Ben giggles. Everyone ignores Ben as Tom and AJ share a mutually comforting peck on the lips, “I’m sure Celestia and Luna just want to know what’s going on, there’s nothing to be worried about.” “This is what I get for being a loner...” Ben sulked. “So.......we going now?” Rachel said as she popped up behind Tom with Pinkie Pie. “Forever alone city...” Ben continued to sulk. “Sorry man... brohoof?” Tom walks over and offers his fist to the sadfeel Ben. “How about a punch-hoof?” Ben stands up. “You know what? Forget it. See you later AJ.” Tom waves as he climbs aboard the chariot. “Wait for us!” Rachel exclaimed as Pinkie jumped on her head again. “Hey Rachel, what have you guys been up to?” Tom asked inquisitively. “You two will stay outside of the royal throne room. Me and Twilight will take care of business...” Ben plans. “Oh just wandering around and baking cupcakes.” Rachel said as they climbed aboard as well. “Hyah!” Ben grabbed the rope and whipped the stallions to make them fly. The stallions then looked back at Ben with angry looks and self-reminders that they aren’t paid enough for this job. “Ok everypony, let’s go!” Twilight said over the top of everyone. The chariot set off, and Tom could have sworn he saw a look of genuine sorrow on AJs face... but whatever, he was going to meet the princesses! “Bye AJ! I’ll be sure he grows some balls to give you baby foals when we get baaack!” Ben waved at Applejack. Luckily AJ only heard a small part of that enough to comprehend it, but it was enough to make her almost lose control of her body to embarrassment. Everyone had a happy singalong to Smile Smile Smile on the way there, with Pinkie leading of course. That’s how the time was passed, not with fights and accusations. *liarjack face* Except for that one time were Ben touched Twilight on the ass with Tom’s hand. Alot of brusies. I can assure the readers that was pure accident. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it though. ANYWAY IN THE FUCKING CASTLE... “Tom, Rachel, Pinkie, Derpy, Whoovies. Stay the fuck outside.” Ben demands. “Oh okai.” Derpy agrees. “All right then, whatever. Good luck, and don’t be too much of an OP in there mate. I hear the moon is shitty this time of year.” Tom said surprisingly reassuringly. “Fuck you OP.” Ben walks into the Throne Room. “Twilight, your plot, here, now.” *sigh* “Look, I’m the student of the princess, please let me do most of the talking. And keep the plot worship to a minimum you pervert.” “Fuck you filly. I’ll do what I want.” Ben coughs. “Now let us continue, darling.” Ben puts on his best British accent. The two walk into the room of which the two sisters sit. “Hello, Twilight, human.” Celestia blushed slightly when she addressed the human, but straightened out herself and remained dominant. “Hello, princesses.” Ben bows. “Good morning Princesses.” Twilight joins Ben in an even deeper bow to try and outclass the gentleman. “It seems as if Twilight may be having a battle with the human, sister.” Luna giggles. “I assure you, it’s not a childish game my princess. Not as childish as last night I hope.” Ben got only a blush from the two princesses. A deeper one from Luna. Meanwhile outside of the throne room....”So....what should we do while we wait for them?” Rachel asked everyone/everypony else. “Well we can play I Spy, but I think Pinkie would know best. What do you think Pinkie?” “That sounds great! You go first!” Pinkie excitedly pointed at Tom. “Um I spy with my little eye something beginning with P.” “Pinkie?!” Pinkie Pie shot up out of a pie. “Nope.” “Hmmmmmmm.....is it Princesses?” Rachel asked. “Nope.” “Hmmmmmm......pails?” “No. Look a little closer to home.” Rachel sighed. “Let me guess......Penis?” “No. Come on guys, that’s a bit crude. I’m not Ben.” “Er right. Sorry. Ummmmm......Pie?” “No, do you give up?” “Hrmmmmmm......Yeah.” Rachel said with an exasperated sigh. “P is for the prettiest fillies in all of Equestria!” Tom says with the cheesiest and most retarded smile of all time. OF ALL TIME. Both Pinkie and Rachel stared at Tom for a few minutes before bursting out laughing. “And you too Derpy.” Tom gives her a genuine smile which perks her up. MEANWHILE, IN THE THRONE ROOM... Twilight, Ben, Celestia, Luna, sat around the round table of plannings. “So... From what I gather... There’s a force coming from the Everfree Forest? Explains the feeling I got when I went in there... But right over here.” Ben circles an area in red. “This is where the portal opened up for me and Tom...” “Princesses can you also feel the strange magical anomaly in the humans? It’s been making me uneasy for a while now. Also, this one has a mental problem akin to a manticore’s mindless rage.” “Twilight... Really... I do wish for you to pipe down...” Ben lightly flicks Twilight on the snout. All the ponies look at Ben as if he’d just vomited on their table for just a second, and then continue their discussions. “Anyway... It would be good if you humans could inspect this area for us.” Celestia said. “It would be my pleasure princess. After all, I have to thank you for the pleasure of last night.” And there it is again, another blush from the princesses. “Wait, you guys have already met? Last night? What happened that you would be bought to Canterlot Ben?” “It’s best we do not speak of it Twilight Sparkle... It is rather embarrassing...” Luna turns her face away. “But I’m taking care of this annoying human, I deserve to know why he had a discussion with you before your most faithful student and trusted confidant.” “Twilight. You know what happens when no one is watching over me. It’s better not to ask.” Ben puts his right hand on Twilight’s mane. Twilight shifts very uncomfortably under Ben’s touch, “Fine, I’ll drop it. But that is disgusting, and as your student, you should be setting a better example for me.” “They told you they didn’t want to talk about it. Anyway, lets get back to the others. We need to get to the Everfree Forest as fast as we can.” Ben walks out of the throne room yelling “I hope for another great night my princesses!” Causing the Princesses to be flabbergasted. Twilight sure didn’t want to know after all, gagging slightly at the thought of the pasty white, hairless human with the princesses.