//------------------------------// // I'll see you in a thousand years, kid. // Story: After Death, Creation // by TheOnlySaneDraconequus //------------------------------// It had been a few months, but after all Hell broke loose on multiple occasions, I didn’t want to interact with anything. I didn’t want to exist, but I didn’t have a choice. I kept blaming myself. Everything in my castle reminded me of Discord. I hadn’t even thought of what to do with his house, I should probably lock it up. My castle didn’t synch up with normal time, I could spend a week here, and only an hour would have passed in the outside world, but I didn’t want to experience the reverse of the outside world passing me by in a moment. Even if I did want to sleep forever, I knew I would get sick of that. I was curled up in bed, anyway, not even bothering to breathe. Apep and Alexis were trying to get my attention, but I just ignored them. They both knew better than to touch me, but I hadn’t known they had magic. I found myself levitating down the hall, still laying down with my blanket wrapped around me. We headed into the kitchen and I was gently tipped into a sitting position and placed on a chair, before Apep wrapped my blanket around me like a burrito. Alexis walked into the room with my phone and a small portable speaker. He plugged the phone in and pulled up a song in my files that always cheered me up, putting it on loop. A tarantula crawled up the counter and started batting its head against my hand like a cat. I started to gently pet it. I wasn’t paying attention, but Alexis had put on a frilly pink apron that read, “KISS THE COOK,” and was busy getting ingredients out of the fridge. Apep walked behind him and wrapped his arms and wings around him, giving him a peck on the back of his neck before nuzzling into his fur. “Hon, I need to make us lunch,” Alexis said, gently pushing Apep away. I blinked, not sure if I’d heard right. “Hon?!” Are you two a couple now? The two wolves walked over, holding paws, both with a sheepish smile. To my surprise, Apep was blushing. “Uh, well,” he started to say… “Eeyup!” Alexis said. I grinned. Mazel tov! “You’re not Jewish,” Apep said. I sighed. Congratulations then. I was kind of hoping you two would wind up together, what gave it the final push? They looked at each other and in unison said, “Who else is going to date him?” I guffawed. Alexis then said, “In seriousness, we found out we’re not that different, and we get along very well, we obviously have a lot of the same interests, and we … don’t have a lot of other options,” he said, rubbing the back of his head with a paw as his wings fluffed slightly. “It doesn’t weird you out, does it?” I took a sip of hot chocolate I materialized and said, “My conscience is dating my id. What’s weird about that? Don’t tell Sigmund though, I’m still flipping him off…” Apep snickered. About the third time Starcourt played I started playing along like there was a keyboard on the counter in front of me. “Glad you’re feeling better,” Alexis said with a small smile. “I was worried you were going to hide in your room forever.” I would have gotten bored of sulking. Eventually. In a decade or two, so might as well start to snap out of it now. … I – I don’t think Discord would want me to spend the whole thousand years curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself. At least, I hope he wouldn’t once he gets over this hissy fit, I sighed, screwing my eyes shut. God, I’m a horrible father. I have to wait a thousand years. No more than that, he didn’t show up for a few seasons. I – that’s a long time to not see him. “You’re over six thousand years old at this point,” Alexis said with a smile. He was frying something. “Shadow of My Life, would you cut some tomatoes, onions, and avocado?” “Sure,” Apep said as he quickly dashed over. I facepalmed. Oh, god, you’re doing pet names now? The two snickered. “Yes, we shall be as nauseatingly adorable as we can,” Apep said, booping his nose against Alexis’s. It really was adorable I take it back. I hope you get a drawn-out, messy divorce. I realized something. Uh, is he the best one to handle the sharp objects? He is my id. “I’m not going to use it on anyone!” Apep snapped looking affronted. I sighed in relief. “I’d just talk you into using it on someone,” he said smugly. I groaned. What are you two making us? “Smell and tell me,” Alexis said with a grin. I did. Onion, tomato, avocado, lettuce, toasted bread… I licked my lips as I started to drool. Baaacooonnn, I moaned happily. You’re making us B.L.A.T.s? I asked with a grin. Alexis set a plate down. “Eat hearty. You need something to eat. It’s been a few weeks.” I was messily tearing into my sandwich. I don’t need to eat, I pointed out. “Nice try, but that isn’t go to fly with me,” Alexis said. Apep grabbed Alexis and licked his face, getting grease and onion smell on it, his wings flaring out. “Babe, I love you. Never stop cooking for me.” If you two keep this up, I might walk in front of another car, I groaned as I ate. “You might find someone too,” Alexis said. NEVER! I shouted. I sighed. Sorry, I don’t want to think about it. Any suggestions as to what I should do for the next thousand years? “You could get a job…” As what? The only degree I have is in annoying people. “Yes, but it is a Ph.D.!” Apep said with a smirk. Ha, ha, ha. “You’ll find some way to occupy your time,” Alexis said. “Why don’t you go visit Aleyebraxus? I’m sure she’d like to hear from you.” I’m not sure the Gallopfreyans would appreciate an unannounced visit… Alexis picked up a newspaper and lightly whapped me a few times over the head with it. “GO! VISIT! YOUR! FRIENDS! I WILL DRAG YOU THERE BY YOUR TAIL IF I HAVE TO!!!” I put my paws over my head defensively, too late. All right! All right! I blinked. Where the heck did you get a newspaper?! They haven’t even been invented yet! Alexis blinked. “Good question.” He glanced at the paper. “Huh. It’s the Canterlot Sun, almost a thousand years from now.” What?! … Any news I should be aware of? Alexis glanced at the headline. “Yeah, don’t buy Betamax.” I already knew that. “And the Grand Galloping Gala is sea themed that year.” I’m sure that will be of great use to me at that point. I rubbed my muzzle. I’m somehow winding up with newspapers from the future, I don’t want to know what that could do. “I wouldn’t worry about it,” Apep said with a grin. “I just found that same day’s paper.” He held it out. The headline read, “QUESADILLA UPRISING!” and a blurry photo showed a gigantic mutant cheese quesadilla consuming a horrified pony. “You’re finding papers from multiple futures, not the future.” I sighed in relief. Apep grinned. “If we’re going back to Gallopfrey, and if they can’t see us coming … can we say hi to the Lord President?” I grinned back. We both glanced at Alexis. He shrugged. “I don’t have a problem with it. Try not to get too dangerous.” And that is how after I spent a good day catching up, the Lord President of Gallopfrey retired to his chambers, only to find them overflowing with Furbies. “Weyan’a!!!!” he shouted in rage. The Furbies quickly disappeared. The President rubbed his muzzle. “How in the world did a being with that many screws loose manage to create an entire universe?” The only response he got was a rain of screws in his bedroom. I knew that this had Bad Idea written all over it in multiple languages, in all capitals, then highlighted, and underlined twice, but … I still cared. I felt like it was my fault. Maybe it was. Equis looked peaceful from the moon. Small. And very, very far away. She knew I’d arrived almost as soon as I set foot on her new home, judging by the fact that thirty seconds later she tried to take my head off with a blast of magic. “You dare show your face here?!” I sighed. I warned your sister. And you. You can’t say I didn’t. Hello, fair moon. Nightmare Moon’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “You call me that now? When I am like this?!” I shrugged. To me, you will always be the Fair Sister, and the moon is still your domain. You are going through a heck of a goth phase, though, I said with a grin. “The moon is my prison, not my domain. You sided with Little Miss Sunshine. You are as guilty as she is. When I am freed from here, you will pay with the rest of them.” I didn’t side with anyone, Nightmare. I’m on my side, not Celestia’s. Not yours, not Discord’s. Her eyes narrowed. “Can you leave this place?” I nodded. I can’t take you with me, though. You are a separate creature, and the Elements won’t let you back into Equestria yet. She chuckled darkly. “Oh, that is all I needed to know. I don’t have to be a separate creature at all. Not once I’m in that useless head of yours…” My eyes widened. You really DON’T WANT TO – too late, the next thing I saw was Nightmare Moon heading into my head. … Nightmare Moon chuckled. Oh, this was too easy… “I don’t think that foal’s as powerful as he says, or he certainly could have kept me out of-” her eyes widened. “Stars…” she breathed as she looked around her. Nightmare Moon was no stranger to entering the minds of other creatures, that had been her job when she was that weak-willed Princess, but this… Thunder rumbled overhead, and she shivered. Stretching in all directions as far as she could see was a featureless, frozen waste. The sky overhead was obscured by churning jet-black clouds, fingers of red lightning darting down to hit at the horizon. The entire place felt sullenly hostile to anything that dared try to live in it. She was shocked. Most minds, asleep or awake were full of thoughts that were shown as creatures of some sort. They could represent people known to the dreamer, memories, or their fears, hopes, … just about anything. Here … nothing. Just the freezing wind, and a feeling she was trespassing. She flapped her wings a few times, and took to the air, trying to find something, anything to focus on and conquer, so that she could get off the rock she’d been chained to. The landscape ahead changed slightly, and she touched down. Icy ground met blackened earth, cracks of reddish-orange lava showing through. The ground was still cold, snow whirling around her, not even melting as it hit the melted rock. Nightmare Moon was surprised, this time there was something besides the ground and sky. A trio of statues in a brownish-grey rock. She hadn’t seen creatures like this before, they looked a bit like Minotaurs, but without muzzles and horns. They also didn’t have hooves, instead they had five-fingered hands. They were wearing odd clothes and covering their eyes with their hands. She didn’t know what these things were, but they weren’t alive. If they were, she would have been able to tell right away. She supposed they were just scenery. She kept walking, surprised to find the lava icy under her hooves. After an interminable time, the landscape changed again, this time to an ashen waste. The permanent snow/thunderstorm continued. To Nightmare Moon’s surprise, she spotted light in the distance. Flying towards it, she saw what she thought was a sculpture. It was a large metal triangle 3 times her size, but only the outline. Floating in the center of the space was a white orb, with light shining from it. She touched down in front of it, and it swiveled around to look at her. It was a giant eyeball with an electric blue iris. It seemed to be staring into her soul, and it was marking the parts it didn’t approve of for future use. That was the last straw. This place was too creepy, and the emptiness was getting to her. She quickly got out. I was panting heavily. Nightmare Moon grinned. “You were fighting me? I didn’t even feel you.” I shook my head. Not you. Everything that lives in my head, to keep you alive, in one piece, and sane. It wasn’t easy. You’re welcome. Now, you messed with my mind, allow me to return in kind. GO TO SLEEP. She fought me, but she quickly collapsed. I sighed. I was mad at her, but … I considered this an extreme form of violation without permission, but I “walked” into her mind. I wanted to help, if I could. To my surprise, the world inside her head almost perfectly matched the world outside her head at the moment. I was once again on the moon, Equis hanging overhead. This time, it was glowing almost painfully bright. There was no sun in sight. “You dare enter my mind?” Nightmare Moon shouted. I sighed. Guess we’re both hypocrites. Nice mind you’ve got here, more peaceful than mine. You’re not attacking me… I noted with interest. “I don’t believe I would have any power over you, even in my mind.” Doesn’t make you any less impressive. “I AM THE MASTER OF FEAR!!!” Nightmare Moon shouted. “You should be on your knees, begging me for your life!” My head tilted to the side as I over-processed something. ‘Master’ of Fear? I glanced at her. Nightmare Moon had Mistress of the Night and Feme Fatale vibes in spades. It must have just been a slip of the tongue. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. There’s a stallion who earned that title before you, and he’s slightly more qualified. “Sombra?! HAH! He’s nothing. We defeated him, remember?” With the help of your sister and the elements. Nightmare Moon bared her teeth. “You’ve seen me in combat. I can match any stallion easily. I am better than many of our warriors. Do you really think I couldn’t have taken him alone?” You could have, I have no doubt. But you both would have died, pointlessly. “What do you want, Arachnos? To lock me in a nightmare? To punish me for being a ‘Bad Girl?’” she simpered with doe eyes. I gave a laugh. Drop the sweet girl act. It won’t work. Nightmare Moon chuckled. “I didn’t think so. So, what will you do, oh Mighty One?” I sighed. You know those dreams where you wake up, go about your day, and you think you’re awake but you’re still dreaming? Then you wake up again, only you haven’t? “Of course,” Nightmare Moon scoffed. “Why?” You’re going to have quite a lot of those. Nightmare Moon woke up, surprised to find herself in her quarters in Canterlot. She sighed in relief. She’d thought she was back on the moon. She still had troubling dreams about those dark days. She stretched and glanced out the window, admiring the permanent night sky, the picture of her sister’s screaming face on the moon. She donned her armor and set out to conquer a new day. She grinned in satisfaction as she saw her loyal subjects waiting for her orders and her ability to lead. Equestria flourished under her guiding hoof. She was needed, no, wanted. This day was going to be perfect. I sighed. Nightmare Moon, no, I still thought of her as Luna, looked peaceful, breathing deeply, a serene smile on her face. Was that cruel of me? Alexis shrugged. “You did trap her in a never-ending dream for the next thousand years, but … they’re the best dreams she could have. Beats sitting on this rock going crazy.” “Still probably qualifies as an act of evil, even if you had good intentions,” Apep said. “You know what they say about those…” I nodded. Apep shuddered. “Watching you fight your inner demons, I’m glad I wasn’t a voice in your head when you were with your father. That guy is scary as all get out.” Not my most cherished memories, no. Anyway, he doesn’t deserve that title, even “glorified sperm donor” sounds too invested. I just happen to unfortunately share 50% of his D.N.A. His other kids aren’t happy to have that “honor” either. Let’s go get something warm to drink, it’s too cold in my mind. I glanced at Luna’s sleeping form. Feeling theatrical, like always, I bent down and whispered, Goodnight, sweet Prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest! It seemed fitting. Celestia knew this was foolish, the Everfree had had a reputation of danger and unspecified certain death even when she was a filly. She had no idea why Arachnos would create a slice of the world that went against the rest of the world’s natural rules, or why he seemed to find a dark chaotic wood full of monsters peaceful. She often felt she didn’t know him at all, but … he seemed to care for her. He’d built her a castle so that she could get away from it all, just because he thought she’d like it. That was where she was heading, the Castle of the Two Sisters as it came to be known had been all but destroyed when she and Luna fought, and she hadn’t returned. It had been too painful, but she wanted to see what could be salvaged. She crept into the ruined main hall. Her eyes closed in pain. Everything was the same as it had been 50 years ago. The same pieces of rubble in the same places. Perhaps she shouldn’t have come, it – “It creeps in dusty places…” “None come here but the dust and the broken dreams” “So tall!” “Old, sad…” “Foolish one…” “Is it lost?” “Can we eat it?” “No eating, not the pony-folk.” “Window! It is the one in the window!” Celestia had excellent hearing and could tell that there were voices coming from the walls and ceiling above her. “Hel- Hello?” she called nervously. The voices were high and whispery and didn’t sound like anything she’d heard before. Her horn lit up and the shadows vanished. She screamed. Star Spiders. HUNDREDS of them! They recoiled from the sudden light. One dangled in front of her on its thread, looking at her carefully. “Beautiful…” it whispered. Celestia blinked in surprise. “You … you talk?!!” Laughter came from all around her. “We always talk, ponies just don’t listen. You must have needed to hear someone here…” “What are you doing here?” “We watch for Master. All eyes, watching, waiting… We keep the castle until we are no longer needed. When the ponies return, Master will find new homes for us, until then we tell who visits this place…” “I … do not believe I will return here for some time. You can stay here. I need to check some things, is that all right?” “Our webs, your stones. What need have you for our permission?” “Th-thank you.” “Beware, Sun Sister. As a dream can become a Nightmare, so a dawn can become a Daybreak. Keep your friends close…” They scuttled away, back into the dark and quiet corners to keep their vigil. Celestia breathed out slowly. She still wasn’t … overly fond of spiders, but her castle’s new occupants seemed decent. The first thing she did was check that the Elements were safe. Satisfied that they were, she began gathering some of the personal possessions she’d left behind that were still salvageable after a battle between two demigoddesses and 50 years wear and tear. She stepped outside the castle; the forest seemed almost peaceful. She chuckled. “Well, that could have gone much worse.” The loud growling nearby informed her that she’d just tempted fate. She turned and saw a massive Timberwolf with glowing purple eyes. It was covered in fungal growths, and its jaws were foaming. Celestia didn’t need to be an expert to see it was sick. She tried backing away slowly. It sprang. She kicked it in the head, breaking off the lower half of its muzzle. She turned and ran. She then tripped on an exposed root and tumbled to the ground in an undignified heap. She glanced up and saw the Timberwolf looming over her, its head regenerated. Celestia hadn’t aged in some time, but common sense suggested she wouldn’t survive being torn to shreds. She opened her mouth to scream, her horn lighting up, when a massive shape dropped onto the Timberwolf. This time she did scream, it was a gigantic wolf spider, three times as big as Celestia. The Timberwolf struggled and snapped at the spider, but the spider bit down heavily and began pumping in venom. The wood at the bite turned an ashen grey, which quickly spread throughout the Timberwolf’s body. It fell down and twitched a few times, letting out one last raspy breath as the lights in its eyes flickered out. The spider walked over to Celestia. She fired a beam of magic at it … which bounced off harmlessly. The spider sighed. I did just save your life, I snapped. A little appreciation would be nice, rather than having my hair singed off. “Arachnos?!” Celestia asked in shock. Do you know any other giant spiders this dashing? I shifted back into my pony form to put her more at ease. Are you all right? If it bit you, I need to give you medical attention immediately instead of bantering. Celestia shook her head. “I mostly injured my pride and got quite scared.” She gestured at the Timberwolf. “What’s wrong with it?” I grinned. Nice to see you’re still as sharp as ever. The Everfree is sick. To use a metaphor, it’s attacking its white blood cells, which in most lifeforms means cancer. “White blood cells?” I sighed. Ah, yes, I forget we’re still in Ye Darke Olde Dayes. Your body is made up of trillions and trillions of units called cells too small to see. There are many different types of cells that specialize in serving every function your body needs. In your blood are white blood cells, which fight infections and diseases. If your body is attacking them, it means something is quite wrong with you. Timberwolves aren’t dumb dogs, they serve as an extension of the Everfree itself, and guard it from harm. The Everfree is turning them into that, I pointed at the wolf, even if it is unintentionally. Try and picture how sick that means the forest is. Celestia put the advanced medical knowledge to the side for a moment as she looked at the wolf. “Do you know what’s wrong with it specifically?” I gave a twisted grin. I know exactly what’s wrong with it, but every time I try to cure it, it fights back. When’s the last time you saw a Timberwolf covered in mushrooms? Timberwolves call it “Heartrot.” If you’re even suspected of having it, you’re exiled from the pack, instantly. It’s a type of Cordyceps that affects only Timberwolves. It grows into your wood and replaces your tissues with itself, slowly, painfully taking you over. It doesn’t stop once you’re dead, that’s just the beginning. It then puppets your infected corpse around looking for other Timberwolves to infect. It’s a horrific way to die, and Timberwolves should be immune to it! I snarled. For Timberwolves to be affected by something like this, the whole forest would have to be rotting, and it isn’t! I groaned, feeling rage bubble up again. I’d been working on this for over a year, and I still hadn’t figured out what was wrong, even after interviewing every kind of creature in the Everfree. It wasn’t fair of me to yell at Celestia for something that wasn’t her fault, though. “Is there anything I can do to help?” I let out a slow breath, trying to simmer down. The Everfree doesn’t respond to Pony magic. Thank you for the offer though, it is very appreciated. I can fix this; I just need more time. There is something, actually. I don’t hold political power, never enjoyed the stuff, glad to be rid of it. When you get back, write a law to quarantine the whole Everfree. Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. She nodded. I grinned, showing off rows of sharp teeth. May I walk you to the border? Celestia quickly nodded. “Please.” Once she was safely back in Equestria proper, I said, It was nice to see you again. I wish it had been under better circumstances. I- My eyes widened. OH MY GOD!!!! I whinnied in terror. I leapt straight into the air and landed in Celestia’s arms. There was a hissing sound from where I’d been looking. “WHAT?!” Celestia shouted, trying not to buckle under my weight. IT’S A GOOSE!!! I screamed hysterically. Celestia looked. There was indeed a goose. “Is it a monster goose from the forest?” I shook my head, refusing to break eye contact with the fiend. No, it’s just a regular goose. “That’s it?!!” You don’t understand. Geese are manifestations of pure evil from the nethermost realms of the Abyss, intent on destroying all that is non-Goose. You can’t reason with them, you can’t bargain with them, and they will never stop hunting you until you are dead. The goose hissed menacingly and spread its wings, preparing to charge. Celestia rolled her eyes and fired a few shots of magic at it, all but one of which hit. The goose turned around and ran off, honking angrily. You … you saved me! I said in shock. Celestia dropped me like a sack of potatoes. “You’re all-powerful and you’re afraid of geese?” she teased. “Afraid” doesn’t cover it. Thank you for that. Celestia was laughing hysterically, more at the day she’d just had than my seemingly unfounded fear. I wasn’t upset. When she calmed down, she said, “I’m glad to see you again as well. I … I’ve missed you. What have you been up to these past fifty years?” I shrugged standing up. I don’t change much. I’ve made a few hundred afghans, wandered the world, explored the universe, watched my little ponies grow. “Are you the one who puts a scarf on Discord’s statue every winter?” I nodded. I … don’t want him to be cold. I know he can’t feel the cold when he’s in there, I know it’s stupid, I just… “It makes sense. Did you also put up all those enchantments?” I nodded again. “I’ve never seen a statue that clean, or a statue that magically repels pigeons. What are those things they turn into if they land on him?” Hacky sacks, I said with a grin. Much more useful and entertaining than pigeons. “Yes, the guards have invented a game using them. You try and keep them off the ground as long as possible while kicking them back and forth.” Exactly the point, I said with a pleased nod. I still enjoy making and inventing potions, perhaps I’ll write a book one day. “I’d read it,” Celestia said with a smile. “I’m thinking of starting a school for the brightest and best in Equestria, what do you think?” I think that is an excellent idea! You would do well at that, you have a very maternal instinct. Would you teach there? Celestia’s face fell. “I don’t think I would have the time.” Oh. Celestia grinned. “Would you teach there?” Ha! No. I have no experience with children, and I’m not fit to teach them. What would I even teach? “You’ve lived through all of history, that qualifies you. You’re well-versed in magic of many kinds, and you know more about the natural world than most Earth Ponies.” Don’t butter me up, Kay-Kay, you couldn’t afford my salary. I was grinning as I said it. I believe I’ve kept the head of state long enough. What were you even doing sneaking into the Everfree? “I wanted to recover some of my belongings from the Castle, I – Oh, no, I lost them!” When you were being chased by the Timberwolf? She nodded. I suppose you would lose everything while fleeing for your life. Oh, except for this, I held out a suitcase. It had all of the belongings she’d taken. I grinned wolfishly. “How did you-?” For being so graceful, you’re quite loud while running cross-country in terror. I followed and picked these up. Now get, I believe I entrusted a country to you, and I’d hate for something to happen to it. Till we meet again! I set the suitcase down and disappeared, leaving a Cheshire Cat grin hanging behind for a few seconds. Celestia simply shook her head with an amused grin before heading back to Canterlot. Two nights later Celestia was woken by light fireworks outside her window. She rubbed her eyes and glanced down to see a certain liontaur Draconequus beaming up at her. Glowing red written words spelled out “I DID IT!” “Get up here before the guards find you!” Celestia hissed. She blinked and I was gone. “Could you spare some hot chocolate?” I asked from behind her, shivering. My voice was quiet and in a more mortal tone. “Do you even sleep?” Celestia asked, glancing at a nearby clock tower. “I … try to avoid it. I enjoy it too much, and I get locked in bad dreams. I figured out what’s wrong with the Everfree! The Tree of Harmony was glit – not working. I think Discord did something to it when he took over, to help keep his power working. I fixed it! It’ll take a while, but the Everfree will heal! No more mushroom-zombie wolves! You should still keep ponies out, the Everfree wasn’t supposed to have ponies in it anyway, I-” “Is this worth waking me up for?” I blinked. “I thought you’d be happy I figured it out.” “Not at three in the morning.” I realized my mistake. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I suppose I’ll have to get rid of this celebration cake then,” I sighed as I held it out. Celestia smirked. “Do you always carry cake with you?” “Not always. It’s chocolate,” I said with an evil grin. “You’re a vile tempter, Arachnos,” Celestia said grimly. “You do know this goes straight to my hips, right?” I’d never had a poker face, so when something accidentally crossed my face, Celestia shouted, “DON’T YOU EVEN!” I was laughing hysterically. “Quiet! You’re going to wake the whole castle! I don’t want to go to prison!” After a few snickers I said, “You have a nice figure, I wouldn’t worry about it. Are you going to eat this with me or not?” Celestia nodded. We spent the rest of the morning joking and catching up. As the sun streamed into the room, Celestia said, “So, you’ve forgiven me?” I shrugged. “Eh, fifty years is a little longer than I can hold a grudge. Well, most grudges. I do expect you to apologize to my son, you hurt him a lot more than you hurt me. You were hurting too, of course.” I sighed. “Everybody hurts. I hate it. I am sorry. About your parents. I never expressed my sympathies at their passing. I only met them a few times, but they were some of the good ones.” Celestia nodded. “That they were. Why don’t you like the nobility?” I snorted. “I was raised on the other end of the scale, and don’t like those who look down on others. Having money and huge tracts of land doesn’t make you a better person, just a richer one. Anyway, everyone’s blood is blue until it’s on the outside.” Except Changelings, I thought with a snort. They’re genuinely blue-blooded! Celestia smirked. “Be grateful you don’t-” she blinked. “When did the sun come up?!” “Seven thirty-two, right on time,” I said with a proud grin. “I’m eternally grateful for your punctuality. It’s refreshing. I enjoyed that; I haven’t raised the sun in a long time. Mind you, I designed the bloody thing to raise itself. Don’t get me started.” Celestia started to panic. “What time is it?!!!” “A little after 8. There’s a rather flustered cute stallion on the other side of your door wondering if it’s rude to wake you this late. I should leave you be, sorry if I’ve thrown off your schedule. See you later!” I disappeared, and the guard walked into the room. Celestia glanced at him, puzzled. “Cute stallion?” Some years later I was walking through a seedy district of Mareis. Not intentionally, I’d simply been in Prance for the food. The mares stretched out seductively or leaning against walls and doors dressed to kill informed me as to what kind of business district I was in. There was even the occasional stallion to my surprise. My face was burning, and I mostly stared at the ground. I then crashed into someone. “Good evening sir!” an older mare called in Prench. “Might I interest you in some company this evening?” I dusted myself off. “No, thank you, I just wish to go home,” I replied. One of the benefits of being bloody ancient was that I spoke almost every language on Equis. Although languages evolved as well, and I could sound remarkably out of date between visits to other countries. I glared up at her. “Please, sir, I am no common peddler of flesh. I create a living image of your deepest desire. There is no investment, no drawbacks, simply a night of pleasure.” “I am not interested in your enchantments, please let me be.” She put a hoof on my chest. I drew my lips back in a snarl. She lowered her hoof. “Please sir,” she begged. “The image costs nothing, only the use of!” I sighed. “Fine. Create an image for me, but don’t expect me to pay for it.” She smiled, nodded, and concentrated, her horn glowing. To my surprise, something did appear. My eyes widened. Hers opened, and an expression of shock took over her face as she saw my ideal companion for a night of sinfully indulgent pleasure. “Oh, WOW!” I said in amazement, starting to drool. “Look at the size! Look at those curves! Look at the piping! LOOK AT THE CHOCOLATE WORK!” Standing in front of me in all its delightful, decadent glory was a peanut butter and chocolate cake the size of a large stallion. It was shaped … like a cake. It had some of the most intricate decoration I’d seen outside of Pinterest. It was truly glorious. I handed the shocked Madame a large sack of coins. “Shut up and take my money,” I sighed in defeat. “Oh, I see! There is a pony inside the cake, yes?” My head tilted to the side in confusion. “Why would I want to eat a pony? They don’t taste good, it’s like licking a carpet. Anyway, that’s cannibalism for you.” “I mean there is a pony waiting to pop out and surprise you for a night of pleasure.” “Noooo… it’s just a cake. Cake is sacred. I don’t want a ‘night of pleasure’ with a pony, but I’ll take cake any day!” She sighed and made the cake more tangible. I grinned wickedly, attached a rope to the cake and began to drag it to my lair. “You’re all mine now…” I whispered lovingly. The Madame stared in shock as I walked away. “Who on Equis would prefer cake to sex?” she asked. Maybe it was because I’d been “alive” for so long, but the thousand years didn’t feel as long as it normally did. I kept as busy as I could; making blankets for charities for lost foals, traveling the world, and then traveling the universe, helping where I could. Just taking life one day at a time, really. I worked as a law clerk for about 50 years in an old firm. I enjoyed it, although it was pretty stressful. Towards the end of the millennium I got a job in retail, because shouldn’t every Millennial carry on that tradition? I was fired at the end of my first week, but I’d been surprised I’d lasted that long. I was always polite and respectful, but I couldn’t take crap from customers. I wasn’t planning on being in that job very long, I’d done it to say I had done it, and because I was bored and wanted a change. The first few centuries were very boring, honestly. The only upside was that I could tell Ponies were heading out of the Dark Ages and helping lead the way for other creatures, which was good, because otherwise I would have hit them upside the head. It was actually fascinating to watch new technologies being discovered. I let off fireworks in the city where it happened when the printing press was invented, because now books could be mass-manufactured for the general public. Art improved as well, surprisingly quickly. Shading, perspective, anatomy, color, all the elements that made a picture better that had been drastically improved during the Renaissance on Earth also made leaps and bounds here. I got to see a Shakespur play in person, during his lifetime. That was an amazing experience. It was a truly great love story. They all died, tragically. Teenagers, am I right? There was one particular event that stuck out the most in ye bade olde dayes. I’d been minding my own business when glowing runes in a circle appeared around me. Wind started blowing through the room, and I felt like I was being pulled somewhere against my will. What in the world?! The next thing I knew I was sucked through the ether and landed in what looked like a wizard’s laboratory. In his basement. That wasn’t what I was focusing on. I was in my leotaur Draconequus form, and I could see in 360 degrees, at varying angles. I could also feel wings, which I hadn’t had before. I was in sensory overload, so I closed my eyes. And closed my eyes again. After a bit of experimentation, I finally figured out what had happened. Sprouting from my back were four large feathery wings. The feathers were black and white, and … They had eyes!!! My wings had eyes! I wasn’t sure how many eyes there were but built in between the coverts of each wing were large eyes with black sclera and glowing blue irises. I opened my main eyes again and took a few deep breaths, trying to get used to my new range of sight. I tried snapping the wings away, but they wouldn’t vanish. Huh. That’s … new. I would get eldritch angel wings instead of the normal kind, I grumbled. It’s not like I earned them! Anyway, I didn’t hear any bells ringing… I’ve got three pairs of arms and four wings now. I must have really weird back muscles… I then finally noticed my surroundings. I was inside what looked like a summoning circle, and shackles made of glowing blue light kept each pair of arms together. OK… “Heh. Heh. Hee, hee, hee, ah-ha-ha-ha AHHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!” Ho, ho, I added. A wizened unicorn stallion stepped into the light. He was certainly dressed like a wizard. “You’re him, aren’t you?” he asked with a slightly crazed smile that scared me. Who? “Arachnos! The Weaver! Creator of Reality!” Uh … yes? I did NOT like where this was heading. The grin grew more wicked and terrifying. “Excellent. My name is Midas, I am this kingdom’s greatest mage. I’ve read extensively on you. You may find this hard to believe, but I have bound you firmly to this spot. You cannot leave without my permission. Go ahead, try it.” I found that I was in fact sealed to that spot, no matter how much I struggled against the magic or tried to go around it. How are you doing this? “Research. Now, I’ll be happy to let you go, in return for your granting me one wish.” You’re crazy, I snarled. “I’m DYING!!!” he shouted. “I have days left. I was lucky to haul my decaying body down here and complete the ritual without collapsing.” What are you dying of? “Cancer,” he spat. “I didn’t know I had it until it was too late. Now I have less than a week, the healer thinks.” Death is part of life, I died, so will you. So will everyone. “I HAVE BOUND THE CREATOR OF LIFE IN MY BASEMENT! WHAT RIGHT HAS DEATH OVER ME??!!!” I sighed. I could simply wait here until you’re dead, I certainly have time. Midas grinned nastily. “If I don’t let you out of there while I’m alive, you’ll stay there forever. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” I growled. Fine. If it is in my power, I’ll grant your blasted wish. What service may I do you? Midas actually brightened up like he’d just heard he was actually getting a Hearths’ Warming present this year. He cleared his throat. “I wish to live forever, and to rise above all others as the brightest star in Equis.” I grinned, showing off too many teeth. Technically, that’s a run-on wish, but I can do that… The shackles dropped of my wrists and I rubbed the feeling back into them. I bowed hammily. Your wish is my command! I snapped my fingers. Midas was surprised to find himself floating in space, not anywhere near a planet. “What’s happening?” Your wish! The years began to reverse themselves for Midas, his white hair shortening and turning back to its former electric blue color. His scrawny body bulked up with muscle and the skin under his fur became less wrinkled as his fur became a muted blue. The changes were internal as well, and within a minute Midas was no longer a dying elder, but a stallion in his prime. He kicked his legs in joy, tumbling over before he managed to right himself. “Ha-ha! YES!!! YOUNG!!!” He stopped, and his body spasmed slightly. His tongue lolled out as a burst of pleasure worked through him. “Nnggh! Feels … SO good! Feels warm…” He glanced at me. “What are you doing? Why do I feel so good?” I grinned wickedly, my new wings unfurling and spreading out. You wished to live forever as the brightest star in Equis. I’m giving you exactly what you asked for. “What?! Ngggh…” he panted happily. “I … No! NO!!!” he shouted as he realized what I meant. Too late, even I can’t undo it now. You obviously never heard to be careful what you wish for. “PLEASE! STOP THIS!!! Uhhh-hmmm… Nggh… Don’t stop!” he moaned in ecstasy as wave after wave of pleasure shot through him. Cracks appeared in his body and bright light shone through them. I closed all of my eyes and fought back a memory of the last time I’d seen something like that. I could still smell the snow and the blood that wasn’t quite blood. I opened my eyes and saw that it was almost time. I teleported over a thousand miles away and put on a pair of sunglasses. A distant speck erupted, and soon a white star that was almost close enough to touch appeared, pulsing gently. I sighed. He couldn’t hear me, but… That was very foolish of you. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure your tale is passed down through the ages. Stories live forever, after all, and that’s what you wanted. I teleported back to his basement lab and explored the building. He was the only occupant, and it was miles away from the nearest village. Good. I collected all of his work and notes, placed them neatly in a pile on the floor, and carefully burned his house to the ground. I watched the blaze from a nearby forest. The irises in the eyes on my wings were glowing red. My teeth were drawn back, and I was running claws along the trees, leaving deep cracks. NO ONE will bind me again! I snarled. I then disappeared. Not that I was obsessively counting down to when Discord would be free, (I would have counted to the day or even the second if I knew it), but I had a rough idea of when things might start leading to the show. If that even happened, since I was about 70% sure this was an alternate universe, although it had followed the script so far. One century to go! In terms of science and technology, Equis as a whole was at about 1900. The year as measured on Equis was 1,238 A.H. (After Hearths’ Warming). I remembered that cars would be in the future from my TARDIS trip. I was surprised that they chose to use biodiesel instead of oil made of recycled dinosaurs, but that would help keep pollution down, so that was good. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to whack the atmosphere back into shape in a century. The telephone had also been invented, although mail was still preferred, and Celestia still sent dragon-fire mail rather than calling. I could understand why. I considered learning how to drive, had flashbacks of my death, and decided to stick to walking, public transport, and teleportation. Yeah, I was still afraid of cars. At least I couldn’t die a second time. I’d rather not discuss how I discovered that, it’s embarrassing. I had a house in the hills of San Franciscolt, with a bedroom for me, a larger bedroom for Alexis and Apep to share, a decent kitchen, and a craft room/library in the attic. I didn’t need a house, I had my realm, but … it was nice to have something in one of my favorite spots in the world that stayed there. I used it as a summer home to hit the beach. I’d built the house a few hundred years ago, when San Franciscolt wasn’t quite a city yet. All I’d had to do was buy a plot of land, which was easy enough. The house was known as “Spider House,” and even though it was in good shape, everyone in San Franciscolt knew it was haunted. The reasons for both should be obvious. I had to remember not to stay in one “alias” for more than a few decades, but that wasn’t too hard. I was rather surprised that San Franciscolt was like San Francisco in yet another way, it was the starting point of the gay rights movement. This version of Equestria wasn’t quite a Reversed Gender Roles universe, but mares tended to hold more political office, and “coltcuddlers” weren’t exactly welcomed historically. I wasn’t political enough to attend a protest, but I supported where I could in town council meetings and the like. When ponies realized that the stallions were serious, I dropped by Celestia’s castle. Unexpectedly, of course, like always. Celestia was startled by my sudden appearance, but luckily, she wasn’t in the middle of an important meeting or in the bath. “Oh, Arachnos, I-” She glanced at my wings. “Those are new…” Celestia hadn’t seen me since before the incident with Midas, although a few years before she had invited me to Hearths’ Warming dinner. We had goose. I wasn’t amused, but it tasted fantastic. I shrugged. I can’t get rid of them in this form. I understand they can scare other people. “What can I do for you?” Are you aware of the movements in San Franciscolt and across the country of coltcuddlers demanding equal rights with straight stallions? Mostly they want protection from discrimination and violence. She nodded. “I have heard yes. Why?” I’d like you to write laws granting that protection, as a favor to me and to them. Please, it’s important to me. I haven’t asked for very many favors. I know this will earn you political backlash, but I think it’s the right choice. Celestia looked at me. “Are you a -?” Coltcuddler? I asked with a grin. No, but people tend to think I am. I used to be offended, now I just find it funny. I’m asking because I think discrimination against anyone is wrong, and if we can make laws to help prevent it, we should. Celestia nodded. “I can see your point; I’ll see what I can do. It won’t be overnight; you have to understand that.” I do. Changing laws can be a lengthy process. There are other groups besides coltcuddlers and fillyfriends I’d like protected as well; it's quite a broad spectrum. May I discuss it with you? If you’re not busy at the moment. Celestia grinned. “I’m always busy, you know that, but yes. I can spare about an hour for lunch. Would you like some?” Thank you, that’s very kind of you. The laws didn’t change overnight, and Celestia did face massive backlash for the laws I’d helped to create, but she agreed that it was the right thing to do and stood by her principles. Three years later, I was watching the first ever gay pride parade in San Franciscolt. Almost everyone was buzzing with excitement, I was happy to have helped make this possible. There was a slight downside. In order to be considered indecent on Equis, you had to be wearing clothes that exposed you a bit. Not all clothes were provocative, but some were, and a few of the outfits making their way down the street made me chuckle and avert my eyes. I’d forgotten leather harnesses were a thing. It was going well until I heard a voice from the sidewalk shout, “FILTH! ABOMINATIONS! PERVERTS OF NATURE! THE WEAVER WILL NOT STAND FOR YOUR DEVIANCE! HE WILL CONDEMN YOU ALL!!!” I glanced at the source of the shouting and found an older stallion struggling to get through a small police blockade, practically foaming at the mouth. Now, prejudice is just built into some people, and there was nothing I could do about it, but you use MY name to do something like that? That pushed a few of my buttons. A shadow in the shape of a spider appeared on the sun, a beam of light snapped on and centered itself on the bigot, and a voice spake: Actually, I have no issue whatsoever with this. I do have an issue with what you are doing and would very much appreciate it if you STOPPED RIGHT NOW. Oh, and I know what you did Tuesday. The stallion whimpered and ran away. I didn’t have the slightest idea what he’d done Tuesday, but everyone does something wrong every day, his just appeared to be pretty bad. I grinned toothily and dispensed with the special effects. The parade had paused and everypony was staring in shock. The parade then erupted into cheers and several ponies threw their hats into the air. I chuckled. “You’re welcome,” I muttered. One afternoon years later I was in a science museum in Manehatten and saw a crowd eagerly looking at a presentation a stallion in a lab coat was in the middle of. I joined the back of the crowd. An enormous rectangular machine was behind him, covered in flashing lights, with what looked l like giant tape recorders built into it. A feed of paper was coming out of a small slot. “Yes, this marvel of science is capable of mathematical operations at speeds much faster, and answers much more accurate than ponies are capable of doing on their own! Because it computes numbers so well, my colleagues and I call it a “computer!” he said proudly. The crowd oohed and awed appreciatively. I raised a hoof. “Uh, yes?” he said uncertainly. “Do you have a rough estimate of when we can expect the internet?” I asked. He blinked. “The what now?” “Sorry. Something I’m both looking forward to and dreading. Congratulations, by the way, you’ve helped advance science in leaps and bounds, and started to help society in ways you can’t picture yet.” “Um, thank you,” he said uncertainly. I walked away, contemplating what the future would bring. I’d been minding my business when I could feel a magical anomaly opening in Manehatten. I quickly got there and noticed a vortex of storm clouds centered over what appeared to be a portal opening above a skyscraper. Gigantic tentacles were starting to emerge from the portal. Ponies were fleeing the building in terror and crowds were staring in shock. I sighed wearily and ran into the building. I pressed the “Up” elevator button. The elevator dinged open to reveal not the inside of a car, but the inside of a sharp-toothed mouth with a tongue that lolled out. The elevator let out a low growling sound. Uh, no thanks, I’ll get the next one, I said, frantically pressing the button. The doors shut. I headed towards the stairs. I opened the door to spot a charred skeleton as flames roared towards the door. I slammed the door shut. BLOODY ELDER GODS! I roared. I headed out of the building, shapeshifted into a giant spider, and headed up the outside of the building. Think they can just kick a door open into a universe and take over, I grumbled. Well not today Jack! After a few minutes I made it to the roof, grateful spiders are fast. I was surprised to see a blue phone box parked in a corner. I shapeshifted back into a pony. “Oh! Weyan’a!” came a voice. I spotted Doctor Whooves. What’s up, doc? I asked with a grin. “Some sort of eldritch being is breaking into our universe,” he said. I can see that. We both waited, the tentacles dangling further down. “It’s funny,” the Doctor said. What is? He laughed. “We seem to get together mostly when the world’s about to end.” You’d know better than me. Anyway, who else are you going to call? The being finally spoke. LE͚̝͌͌SSE̪̽R̫̯̍͡ ̻͗F̣̍Ĺ͎̙̕Ȩ̰̓͠SH̫̄E͗͢S,̣͌̏͢ Ý͈̈́ͅÖ͔̹͐U̧͎͆͛R͓̞̓̕ T͕̖̓̿Ḯ̟̜͘M͈̾E͎̍ ̦̙̔̄I̖̋S̮̐ ̤̊OV̡̠͆̚E̛̮͎̽Ṟ͐.̡̿ ͇̃T̩̹͐͠H̨͋E̤͐ ̝̈́AG̣̞̓̔Ě̮ ̉ͅȎ̢F̥͂-̰̿ OI! SQUIDFACE! I shouted. The being stopped, shocked that someone would dare interrupt it. I made this universe, and I’ve put way too much work into it for you to break in and trash the place like some kind of eldritch frat boy! People have died because of you! SO GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!!! The being paused. A̜͋Ŗ͓̎̅E̟͌ ̱̝̾̚YŐ̧͙̓Ų̽ Ä́͢͞ͅ ͉̄G͈͑Ǒ̮͜͠D?̧̠̍̈ ̖̋ it asked in a mocking tone. I don’t know where the surge of confidence came from, but I knew that I could wipe the floor with this jerk, especially if he actually came through. YES! I shouted. The nearest tentacle reached down and touched my head. There was the sound of horrified eldritch screaming, the tentacles quickly pulled back into the portal, the portal snapped shut, and life returned to normal. The Doctor stared at me in shock. “What did you do?!!” I showed him how “eager” some creatures are to meet beings with gigantic tentacles, I said grimly. Pretty sure I scarred him for life. “What? I – Oh!” the Doctor said, blushing. Eeyup. Mind you, anybody who would actually do that is a sucker. The Doctor winced at the pun. He pointed to the crowds below. “You know, there are creatures down there who are some of the nicest people you could ever meet who would happily grind you into dog food while still alive for a pun that bad.” I considered it. Really? Wow. That’s ruff. The Doctor charged towards me screaming at the top of his lungs, tackled me, and we both tumbled off the tallest building in Manehatten. My day was looking up! It’s not every day one of my friends falls for me. There wasn’t long to go before the thousand years were up, about thirty years. I wasn’t sure of the Mane Six’s exact ages, but I knew they were in their early to mid-twenties when the show started. I followed Twilight’s family, actually managing to be subtle for once in my life. Shining Armor was a bright and happy baby, but I didn’t know how much older he was than Twilight. At least five years. There was something unusual that happened before Twilight’s birth was due. I once again got the feeling that there was somewhere I was supposed to be. I both dreaded that feeling and looked forward to it. This time I was pulled towards the Badlands, and stood on the boarder of Changeling territory, looking at the Hive. Go in there! the feeling nudged, it’s urgent! I sighed. I knew better than to ignore this when it happened, but I wasn’t exactly eager to visit the Changelings, and I really didn’t want to wind up stranded in the Hive with no magic. I tried casting a small spell through the boarder. To my surprise, it didn’t dissipate after a few feet. I guess I could still use magic, even near Chrysalis’s throne. I agreed with Discord that that was a pretty far walk, so I turned invisible and teleported. Even invisible I knew I could be spotted, Changelings could sense any emotion, not just love, and I was radiating nervousness. To my shock, there didn’t seem to be anyling around, and I wasn’t jumped the minute I appeared. The feeling was leading me around to what I supposed was the back of the Hive, if there was a back of a roughly circular structure. I heard the kind of sniffling that meant someone was trying to cry as quietly as possible. Sitting on a rock was a Changeling grub, “crying” silently. He was honestly pretty cute, he looked like he was wearing a cocoon with his head and little legs sticking out. This is where I’m supposed to be? I thought in confusion. I then spotted what was making him cry, his left hoof was split open, blue blood oozing between his pudgy fingers. That had to hurt. I sighed. Normally I didn’t like children at all, but a grub crying with no one caring tugged at even my frozen heart. I didn’t want to spook him by being invisible, so I changed into how the Changelings pictured me. In Changeling mythology, I looked strange. I looked almost exactly like the Pony of Shadows, who I still thought of as Stygian, but instead of being made of living shadow, I was made out of soft rainbow fire. My aura whenever I used magic was rainbow colored, so I suppose that’s why I had those colors. I carefully walked over to the grub. Hello, I said carefully in Changeish. The grub looked at me in shock. I’m Calbrax, I said with a grin. Changelings didn’t see me as being as kind as other races did. Calbrax meant “devouring fire,” since if you got too close to me, you burned. Can I see that? He held his hoof out. I touched it and bound it together, getting rid of any infections. Better? He nodded. I ran my hoof up his leg to see if there was any further damage. He twitched and giggled. My eyes narrowed and I grinned. Ticklish, huh? I picked him up and started tickling his belly. Changeling grubs secreted mucus to help them get around, but I didn’t care. “EEEK!” he squealed, squirming desperately as he started to laugh. Oh, yes, I am the father of tickle monsters! I proclaimed. He giggled. I didn’t want to assault him with tickles too much, so I stopped soon. I booped his nose. Beep! He laughed again. I thought I saw a thread-thin flash of red, but it was gone in less than a second. Weird. A voice from inside the Hive startled me so much I nearly dropped him. “THORAX!!! GET BACK IN HERE!” Huh, his name was Thorax. I placed him on the ground. He looked back at me and whined slightly. I sighed, and gently pushed him towards the entry hole. He’d have to go through while it was still open. Go on, it’ll be OK… He slithered towards the Hive and went inside. I’d turned invisible before anyling could see me. I then teleported away. Huh. I wonder why I had to do that. That actually felt … good! I could feel that I was grinning like an idiot, I had no idea why. In my long life I’d made many mistakes and failures, but few made the “My Greatest Failures” list. This did. I was in my realm, knitting and watching What’s Up Doc?, quoting along with my favorite parts. I then dropped my knitting. Oh no! Something was going catastrophically wrong somewhere. Planet-destroying wrong. I teleported to where the feeling was and found myself looking at Gallopfrey. Green lines of magic encircled the planet, making it look like an illustration of an atom. The Citadel glowed so brightly it hurt to look at. I got down there. I could hear chanting, and the air was so charged with magic my fur stood on end. I walked into a large chamber and saw twelve Time Lord mages collectively casting a spell. The same thing seemed to be happening in the other three cities on Gallopfrey. I saw a sheet of paper; I glanced at it and saw it was an incredibly complicated formula for a spell. I could read and think very quickly. They couldn’t hear me, but I snarled, OH, YOU IDIOTS!!! At this point, the spell was almost cast, even if I interrupted the casting, it would likely just complete itself. I couldn’t undo it, either. I didn’t know what to do! Right, preserve what I can. I teleported to the Museum of History. I found what I was looking for in a glass case. It was a small black sphere that looked vaguely technological. It was the Encyclopedia Gallopfreya, and it contained a complete history of the Time Lords and their technology. The case was tricky to unlock, but it’s amazing what you can do with a summoned brick and super strength. Alarms started blaring. Guards ran into the room. “Halt in the name of - Weyan’a?!!” the lead guard asked in shock. “What are you doing? That’s theft!” It’s the preservation of a culture, I growled. You’ll be worse than dead in about twenty minutes, so I’m doing what I can. Get out of my way. He shook his head. “I can’t do that.” Then you can go sleeping. The guards all passed out, snoring gently. I was startled, someone was praying to me, for once in my life I could tell. I teleported to where it was. I saw a mother and father mumbling frantic prayers, a small brown foal between them. Yes? What do you want, there’s no time!!! They looked up and saw me. “Can you save him?!” the mother asked frantically. Who? “Our son! You can’t save all of us, but please, just save one person!” You aren’t going along with this? The father shook his head. “This was the President’s idea, and he wouldn’t listen to anyone who pointed out its flaws. Most everyone thinks it’s an amazing idea. We know better.” I looked at the foal. I’ll save him, I promise. Can you put him to sleep? I don’t want him to see this. The mother nodded. She picked him up and kissed his forehead. “If you don’t remember anything else, remember that we love you, brave one.” She touched her head to his, and his eyes fluttered closed. I grabbed him and just ran. I remembered where they kept the TARDISes. I ran in, desperately searching for a way out. One of the TARDISes was unlocked. I ran in and slammed the door closed. I noticed that this was an antique, and a Type 40 as well. I gently set the sleeping foal down and ran to the console. I set the coordinates and took off. The TARDIS materialized hanging in space. It was close enough to see Gallopfrey with the doors open, but far enough away to hopefully be out of the blast zone. I was frantically casting protection spells on the TARDIS and the foal, there was going to be a hell of a paradox in here soon. Gallopfrey shimmered and rippled, and slowly faded out of existence. I’d never seen something go so horribly right. What had happened wasn’t what was intended, but it was exactly what they were trying to do. They should have realized that. I slammed the door in disgust. I turned back to the foal. He had a light brown coat and the beginnings of a spikey mane and was crying quietly in his sleep. I stepped over to him, and gently linked our minds. This was the ultimate invasion of privacy, but I wanted to learn more about who the last remaining Time Lord was. I gently shifted through his memories, trying not to wake him. He was very young, but it seemed that his whole life, he’d defended the weaker and helped everyone he could in any way he could. He also had a decent knack for inventing for being around five, that made me chuckle. No matter what he’d done, he’d done it to make others better. I planted thoughts in his mind. The title “Doctor” means “wise stallion,” “healer,” or “the stallion who makes people better.” That is what you do, that is who you are, and so that is the title I give you. You’re going to have to do a lot of running to get where you want to go. But it will be fantastic, and so will you. Rest well. I stood up and sighed. I’m not sure how, but I suppose that could have gone worse in some way… It was at that point the console exploded. The TARDIS hurtled through space, the coordinate setter ticking frantically. I ran to try and stop it, but the whole room tilted, and I fell out the door, hanging on by my fingertips. I glanced at where we were headed. I recognized Equestria from the air, and that seemed to be Ponyville. We weren’t traveling in time, just space. The angle of our flight changed, and we swooped over the town. I heard a bell ringing loudly, looked up, and whimpered, crossing my hindlegs. I was anatomically correct, for no other reason than not to stand out, and Oh, God, why did the schoolhouse have a giant spear on the weathervane?!!! I closed my eyes and concentrated. A switch on the burning console flipped, and we swooped up, the spear narrowly missing my stallionhood. We sailed over the Everfree, and I could tell we were heading down quickly. I half pulled myself up and half slithered back inside. Thankfully the very young Doctor (WHY HADN’T I KNOWN WHO HE WAS?!!!) was no worse for wear, although we were about to crash. I curled around him protectively, and the whole room rumbled and shook as we hit the dirt. Well, we couldn’t stay in here! I set the ventilators to pull the smoke out and ran from the room, carrying the Doctor on my back. A key on a string appeared around my neck, and the door slammed shut behind us and locked itself. I concentrated and cast a high-level spell, and the residents of Ponyville forgot about our flight over their town. The crater around the TARDIS was smoking, but the Everfree would heal. Ponies never came into the Everfree unless they desperately needed something, but just to be safe, I folded space around the TARDIS so that it disappeared into a pinch in space. No one but me would be able to get to it. I swayed slightly. Between the adrenaline rush, the surge of extreme emotions, and the massive amounts of magic I’d been doing to keep the Doctor safe, I was going to collapse soon. I fought through it and struggled towards the town, locating the orphanage. The last time I’d carried an unconscious foal on my back into an orphanage, he’d conquered a kingdom and made ponies’ lives hell. Sombra wasn’t all pony, but neither was the Doctor. I had a feeling the Doctor would be different. The mare in charge gasped when she saw us. Between pants I said, “I found him in the woods. He doesn’t have any family left. I can’t raise him, and this is a good town for him to grow up in. Can you please take care of him?” I started to buckle under his weight. She quickly pulled him off of me. “His name’s the Doctor,” I managed to get out. “Doctor who?” she asked in confusion. “Doctor Whooves,” I said with a grin. “Anypony going around calling themselves Doctor Who would be silly. He has two hearts, but it’s nothing to worry about. … I have to go,” I said, starting to sway, “I’ll check on him in a while.” Ignoring her protests, I ran out of the room, and managed to make it back to the Everfree. The world span, and I hit the dirt as everything went black. I woke up to the sound of a TARDIS humming, and found myself in a Console Room. It was a bit steampunkish, which I loved. A voice said, “So. Now you know.” I looked and saw the Doctor, as an adult. I guess he’d found me and brought me in. I’m so sorry! There was nothing I could – He held a hoof up to silence me. “I don’t hold it against you. I will, for a brief while, but you’ll explain to me what happened. I’ll understand. To spoil things, you’ll actually be a godfather of sorts to me,” he said with a grin. “You’ve been asleep there for twelve hours, and you were mumbling, screaming, and crying in your sleep. I’m sure you’ll need to eat a lot to recharge. I understand you have a castle somewhere out there, but I can’t go there. Is there anywhere else I can take you?” San Franciscolt, I have a house there. I can find my way from anywhere in the city. He nodded, pulled a few switches, and the TARDIS made a groaning wheezing sound as we took off. He grinned. “You always make fun of me for driving with the brake on, but it’s stuck that way. So is the Chameleon Circuit. I don’t mind, actually.” The TARDIS thumped. “Here we are. Good luck!” I nodded. I’ll visit you soon. The present you, I mean. Well, my present. Time travel’s confusing… “I expect you to!” he yelled as I walked out. The TARDIS took off again. I sighed and caught a tram to my neighborhood. I was too tired to conjure up food, but I had some bits at Spider House, so that was useful. I went into my favorite all-you-can-eat restaurant and ate as much as I could, which was about twenty double-full plates, to the staff’s shock. I payed them three times as much as it cost to eat there, since no one ate that much. I felt better, but I’d need more rest. I went back to Spider House, crawled into bed, and passed out. The Doctor had been right, I really was crying in my sleep. Well, it was Delivery Day. The fate of Equestria hinged on this (and several future) moment(s). Twilight Velvet was busy giving birth. Night Light was allowed to be in the room with her, but Shining Armor wasn’t. He was busy playing a hoof-held video game in the waiting room. I had so much I wanted to say to him, but that would cause more complications than I wanted to think about. I went back to scraping gum off the wall. I was disguised as a janitor, in 90% of cases that allowed me to infiltrate a building, since most people wouldn’t talk to you. Eventually a nurse came out. “Shining? Would you like to meet your brother?” I dropped my tool. Your WHAT NOW?! Shining headed into the delivery room, I followed invisibly. Twilight Velvet looked tired, but she was happily holding a swaddled-up foal. The foal looked exactly like Twilight Sparkle, except for the obvious fact he was male. Huh, I thought. Shining put his forehooves on the bed and peered at the teeny bundle of joy excitedly. “Well, Shining, this is your brother, Dusk Shine!” Night Light said proudly. “I promise I’ll be the best big brother ever!” Shining swore proudly. I laughed and decided I had intruded on this scene enough. I vanished. So, Dusk is male. That’s not so bad. I wonder if his hopefully friends have been born? It took me a few tries to remember where the Mane Six had been born, but they had all been born, Dusk was the youngest, even if just by a few months. I was rather shocked by the time I was done. I was hanging in space, my mouth open. The Mane Six are all dudes?!! I asked in shock. I sighed. Well, that’s not too bad. I – My eyes widened. Oh, no. This is horrible! I conjured up what looked like a conspiracy theorist’s mood board. I facepawed. Arrgh! None of my ships work now!!! Apep popped into existence with a wicked grin. “You know, you could just make them all ga-” I flicked him away. NO. If I can’t interfere in free will, I’m pretty sure I can’t change somepony’s sexuality. “Can anybody magically make somepony gay?” I thought about it. Braeburn, I’m pretty sure, even if he doesn’t mean too. That’ll be interesting to see. Alexis joined the conversation. “So … what are your ships? Keep in mind you can’t force them to happen!” I nodded. Well, my OTPs are Fluttercord and Spirax. Everyone else, I’m honestly not sure. I’ve never been sure about Applejack; Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich go together well, and were even a canon couple; I kind of ship Twilight with Sombra, maybe Flash, although the fandom kinda hates that, and I’ve read some really good Discolight fics although I don’t think that would work; Rarity could maybe go with Fancypants, I have no idea; and Rainbow I am torn equally between Soarin And Quibblepants, although he wound up with someone else. Like I said, none of those really work now, unless lots of ponies actually are at least bi, I said with a laugh. Oh, well, it’s their lives, not mine. The next day I was sitting outside a café in Canterlot, sipping a mug of hot chocolate and reading the paper. The weather was perfect for the next week, the comics were funny, the crossword was challenging enough I couldn’t find the last word, and the stock market was incomprehensible as always, but seemed to be going up. I sighed. I was worried about Dusk. I was the most like him, I’d always thought, and I didn’t want him to be an antisocial shut in his entire life or wind up with frighteningly bad OCD. “If only there was some way I could keep an eye on him over his formative years,” I mused. “Without being rightfully arrested for stalking a foal,” I added with an eye roll. It was then I saw the help wanted ads.