My little brother had finished circling me and now sat examining me, trying to make sense of the elder sister he never knew he had. I did much the same, still trying to reconcile in my brain that he existed.
"You're my sister?" He finally questioned, not seemingly able to believe it. I wasn't sure I fully believed it yet.
I nodded. "It would seem so."
He kept gazing at me another few seconds. "You're old."
"You're young," I countered.
"You're like grandmare old."
I smirked. "I am a grandmare, which makes you a great-uncle."
Mom let off a massive squeal in response to this, and both me and my sibling turned to look at her. She was grinning ear to ear. "You didn't tell me I'm a great-grandmare! You have to tell us all about them!"
"Dry, we're supposed to be letting Sinker get to know his sister," Dad said, placing a hoof on Mom's flank. "We'll have time to hear about them later."
Sinker turned his attention back to me. "Nuh-uh, I can't have a sister so much older than me."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why not? It might be a little strange, but it's the truth."
"That would make Mom and Dad grandparents too. They aren't that old if they're my mom and dad," Sinker reasoned.
I pointed at them in disbelief. "What?! I think you can tell by looking at them that they're older than me." I gave my parents a sheepish smile. "No offense, you two look great." I turned back to my brother. "I have a daughter old enough to be your mother. How old are you anyway?"
He stuck his muzzle up in the air. "Six. How old are you? Like six-hundred?"
"Fifty-one, and a very young fifty-one it is," I replied. "And I do have grandfoals, three of them, and they're all older than you. They're all seven years old."
"Triplets!" Mom blurted out again in excitement. Dad jabbed her in the side and put a hoof over her mouth to quiet her down.
I sighed. "Not actually triplets. The fillies are twins, but Alfonso is a month younger and- it's a long story."
"Alfonso is a funny pony name," my brother continued.
I smiled. "So is Sinker. How did you end up with that name?"
Our Dad spread his forelegs wide "Hook Line and…" He kept his legs spread wide and waited for me to complete the phrase with a big stupid grin spread across his muzzle.
I gave my parents a flat look. "You've got to be kidding me."
Mom shrugged. "Pony naming conventions are still kind of new to all of us. There's no wrong way to name your foal."
Of all the ridiculous- it didn't matter. I turned back towards my brother. "Well, my daughter and her spouse decided that if their foals were going to have pony names, that could choose them for themselves after they got their cutie marks. Most adult ponies used to be humans, and we all had human names before. Mine was Charlotte. One of my granddaughters is named after me. Mom and Dad had human names too."
Sinker flicked an ear and seemed to be considering this. "So if you turned into a pony, can I turn into a human?"
I blinked. "Um- technically... yes, it is possible. My niece did that after being a pony for most of her life. She isn't much older than you. Do you want to be human?"
He shook his head. "Not really; I want to be an electrician, like Dad."
"That's not exactly what I- never mind," I shook my head again. Why did I keep asking questions I was going to get these kinds of answers for? "I'll just take that as a no."
"What do you do?" Sinker asked.
My ears folded. "Me? I used to be a preacher, a mayor, a mage, a businessmare, a researcher, and a pretty cruddy philosopher."
Sinker went wide-eyed. "That's six things! You can be more than one thing?"
I gave him a soft smile. "There's nothing stopping you from pursuing many goals. Never let the world tell you that you have to be something, or tell you that you can't change your mind about what you want to be."
"So, I can be an electrician and a big hero like Wild Growth?" Sinker asked in wonder.
I raised an eyebrow. "Wild Growth, huh? That's a pretty lofty goal. I'm actually friends with Wild Growth."
He frowned. "Are you fibbing? Do you really know Wild Growth?"
I chuckled. "I definitely know Wild Growth. She used to be someone I worked with. She's my daughter-in-law's sister. She's also my current landlord. I'm kinda surprised she hasn't called me while I was here so she could yell at me. She's been calling a lot to yell at me."
He tilted his head. "Why would Wild Growth yell at you? She's a hero, like Sunrise Storm. An even bigger hero than Sunrise Storm because she's an earth pony, and she makes plants grow like FWIP FWIP!" He stomped each of his forehooves with each FWIP.
"Like what?"
"Like FWIP FWIP! That's the sound plants make when they grow real fast!" he sat and repeatedly threw each forehoof into the air like plants were sprouting around him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him Wild Growth couldn't do that anymore. I wanted my brother to have his heroes. "She yells at me because she keeps finding things in my old secret labs."
He gaped at me. "So, you're like an evil mad scientist!"
I rubbed my hooves together in embarrassment. "I wouldn't put it quite that way…" I might not have brought it up if not for the fact it might end up on the news anyway.
"Can I be your evil minion sidekick!"
I sat still and blinked. "What- why- what? No! Definitely not! I'm not even an evil mad scientist. I'm retired!"
“But you were,” Sinker looked disappointed. "Aww! Why'd ya quit? That sounds like a great job. Now I want to be a hero, an electrician, and an evil mad scientist."
Mom gave a light cough from the couch to get our attention. "Sinker, how about you go to your room and draw a picture of you doing all those things for your big sister. All the grown-ups need to talk about boring grown-up stuff now. We'll tell you when the coast is clear. If you stay in your room and be good, you can have some ice cream later on."
His ears perked up. "Chocolate?"
She nodded. "Three whole scoops."
The little colt got up and started dashing out of the room. "I'll be good!" He yelled as he went.
"We'll talk to him about not saying anything about you," Dad said wearily. "Maybe we can tell him that you being here is part of a top-secret mission, and he has to do his part to protect you."
Mom gave a sad nod. "If he goes around saying you're his sister, it might cause trouble. Some foal with a Shimmerist parent will say something, and the next thing you know…"
I flinched, then lowered my head. "I didn't mean to cause you any trouble. Maybe coming here was a mistake."
"No, it wasn't," Mom replied. "You coming here has healed something we didn't think would ever be healed. Don't worry; we can take care of ourselves. You said you wanted some advice from us, and we want to hear all about what you have been doing all these years."
That was a very tall and dangerous order. "How about we start with you two," I suggested. "I was able to track you down with government records, but that doesn't tell me anything about your lives that I missed."
"There isn't much to say about us," Dad replied. "Your mother and I were living in Telluride for most of the time. I did some basic electrician work; your mother worked at the local convenience store. It more or less was just that for years."
"We thought on and off about trying to reach out to you," Mom added in, then sniffled. "But you had been so angry with us. We figured that if you wanted to talk to us that you'd take the first step. We kept waiting, but it never came."
"Then, about a year before ETS, they diagnosed your mother with lung cancer," Dad continued.
"Pack a day finally caught up to me," Mom whispered. "I spent so much time getting treatments after that."
Dad nodded. "It seemed hopeless. I was at the point I was going to try to contact you to tell you that your mother wasn't going to have much time left." He lowered his head and started to cry. "I kept putting it off. It wasn't even really about you. It was about having to admit that it was hopeless. I didn't want to do that."
Mom snuggled up closer to him on their flannel couch. "But then ETS happened. I thought that flu would do me in, but imagine my shock when I started to feel better, and the doctors came back to tell me the cancer was miraculously all gone."
"After the changes started, and we learned the truth about ETS, we just took it as a chance for a fresh start," Dad said. "Your mother was being given a new lease on life, and if the price of that was getting turned into a colorful pony- well, it seemed like a fair enough trade to us."
Mom gave a dry laugh. "When we found out they were building this place, we just up and left Telluride to come here. We did manage to get the house sold for a fraction of what it was worth. We used part of that money for some things here, but most of it we use to keep a storage space rented with all the sentimental stuff we gathered over the years. About a year later, the doctors told me I was pregnant."
Dad wiped his nose then pulled Mom in closer against him. "And that's pretty much it. Nothing that exciting, really."
My gut clenched up. My mom had almost died, and I wouldn't even have known about it. I didn't even blame them for not contacting me to let me know. I knew how hard that had to be after everything that had been said.
"And what about you?" Mom asked. "You've seemed to have had a much more eventful life than us."
I took a deep breath and started talking.
I don't know what prompted me, but I didn't hold anything back- save the stuff I was under compulsion never to speak about. Confession is good for the soul, and I had a lot to confess to. I started before the break with them, telling them something I'd never told anyone but my poor wife. I told them about the unplanned pregnancy and abortion in college that started me on the path that drove a wedge between us. I told them about my life as a housewife and Sunday school teacher. I told them about all the high and low moments of Phobia growing up, along with information about her family. I told them about the first days after ETS and my rapid rise to power with my fanatical commitment to bring about a pony world for the glory of God. I told them about Tonya and how much I loved her. I told them about many of the dealings I had through the years. I told them about the final days of Riverview. And I finally told them about how I was now the acting guardian of Yinyu's foals.
I'm not sure how long I talked; it felt like hours. My parents sat silently through the entire thing, just listening intently as I told them all about my follies and the harm I had done. They kept their expressions neutral most of the time, but sometimes inhaled in shock. They didn't interrupt me, even in the most shocking moments. I saw my mother cry at a few points- Phobia's rape, the death of Tonya, Luna visiting me, and asking me what I would do if set free.
It went quiet for a minute after I finished recounting my life. My parents needed time to process all of this, and I wasn't going to rush them.
"That's… quite a story," Dad finally said. "Some of the things you say you've done, I can hardly believe. If it weren't for the fact we've seen so many astonishing things in the past decade, I'd think you were pulling our tails."
"Like a character in a fantasy novel," Mom breathed.
I laid down and put my head down between my forelegs. "The villain in a novel."
"No!" Mom objected. "Maybe somepony who was misguided at times, but never the villain."
"Doesn't every villain see themselves as the hero of the story?" I asked and then sat back up. "I know I've done so much wrong, caused so much pain and suffering, and my actions continue to have negative impacts around the globe. I might not have been a ha-ha evil villain, but that doesn't make me a good person."
Mom hopped down from the couch. "So you made a few mistakes, maybe more than a few, but you always had the best of intentions, and you now recognize and regret the actions that turned out to be not so great. You always drew lines you felt you should not cross. You always had some sense of right and wrong, and did your best to be on the right side, even if it didn't always work out."
I looked away and shut my eyes. "What do my intentions matter if their guiding concepts were warped, or if the results ended up being so disastrous? I'm indefensible. Please, don't try to absolve me of my guilt."
Mom looked pleadingly at Dad, and he got down from the couch as well. "Honey, nopony is going to say you didn't do some wrong things, but you're your own harshest critic. If half of what you did is true, then you have so much to offer the world."
Urgh! First Starlight and now them! "Can we just drop the subject?"
They looked disappointed, but they nodded. "Alright, we're just glad you're back," Mom answered. She then brightened up again. "So when do I get to meet my great-grandfoals?"
I looked at my phone and saw I had a signal here. "I can try calling them."
Mom hugged Dad and started bouncing and squealing on two legs like a foal. He just accepted being used as a brace and smiled.
I hit a few quick keys, and the phone started ringing. It didn't take long to get answered.
"Hello? Who is it?"
I stared at my leg in puzzlement for a second. "Jordan? Why are you picking up the phone?"
"Because it was ringing. Is this Auntie Sunset?" Ask a stupid question-
"Yes, it's Auntie Sunset. What I meant was where is your sister, or Rosetta, or Crystal?"
"Hi, Auntie Sunset! Jackie is getting yelled at by Crystal. Phobia and Miss Rosetta are sleeping, and Crystal's yelling at Jackie."
"Okay, I see. Can you-"
"Auntie Sunset, Auntie Sunset!" Jordan interrupted. "I found out that both Phobia and Jackie are both my half-sisters. So cause they’re half, does that mean I only have one sister?"
"That means you have two sisters, dear. Why would you think you have only one?"
"Because, the other day at school, we were learning about fractions, and they said two halfsies equal one."
"That doesn't apply with sisters, Jordan- and the term is halves."
"Really? Math is confusing."
Foals were going to be the death of me. "So, is everyone asleep still?"
"Yeah," Jordan answered. "Mom and Dad said they are having a date night, which means they are doing icky kissy stuff, so Jackie and I are sleeping over here."
"Who is that?" Mom asked.
"She's one of Tom's daughters," I answered. "Jordan, can you tell Crystal to tell Phobia when she wakes up that her grandparents would like to talk to her? Can you do that for me?"
"I can do that!" Jordan declared excitedly. "Auntie Sunset, I moved a rock with my horn today! I was trying to make it float, but I still moved it- a little. It gave me a headache."
"That's very good," I replied. "Don't push yourself too hard. You'll be casting spells before you know it. I need to get going. Remember to pass that message along, okay?"
"I will. Bye-bye, Auntie Sunset."
"Bye-bye, Jordan." I ended the call and saw my Mom looking ready to have another happy outburst for some reason. "What is it? Are you excited that Phobia will be contacting you?"
"Well, I am excited about that, but also excited because that filly seemed to adore you," Mom said with a massive grin. "Sinker did too. I don't see where you would be having much trouble with foals. They all seem to love you."
I rolled my eyes. "I honestly don't understand why. I'm not sure yet how I get along with Yinyu's younger foals, to tell the truth. I spend all my time fussing with the oldest- who definitely doesn't adore me."
"Is she disobedient?" Dad asked.
I shook my head. "No, she's extremely obedient—one of the most obedient kids I have ever seen. What we do is argue. For starters, she's a Shimmerist. She is also a teen mother, and she acted as a kind of surrogate mother for her siblings. I can't tell half the time if she loves her mother or hates her. She's insistent on her mother being respected by others, but at the same time tries to discredit her mother's reasons for doing things and badmouths her. Arguments between the two of us have gotten bad, and we've only had to deal with each other a few days- so bad we've both struck one another."
Mom looked aghast. "You struck her?"
I should have figured that she'd be upset about that. My parents were always against physically disciplining a child, and I could only imagine becoming ponies had only reinforced that.
"I slapped her," I clarified. "She was mouthing off about how her mother didn't love her enough to endanger the world, and I lost my temper. It wasn't my proudest moment."
"You shouldn't be doing that," Dad agreed but seemed less upset about it. "She sounds just like a confused teen going through a very confusing time. She also sounds like she's had to shoulder far more responsibility than any teen should have to, and she's been doing that for a while."
"And I understand that," I replied. "If I didn't understand that, we might be getting into it even worse than we are now. It's just that she's so disrespectful. I had Starlight Glimmer over, and she was calling Starlight a traitor to ponies because she helped stop ETS. She said things about how it was okay if China got alien weapons as long as it didn't disrupt her life. I just can't deal with the things that come out of her mouth!"
"Maybe because so much of what she says reminds you of things you might have once believed?" Dad suggested. "Maybe you aren't angry at her, but angry at yourself. It's obvious you're carrying around a ton of guilt. Can I say something I observe about you without you getting angry with me?"
I scowled. "I can't promise that, but I can say I'll try not to get angry and that I'll understand you are only expressing an opinion. It's probably right, if it's something negative."
He sighed. "You're very… reactionary against yourself. You get upset about things that you've done, and you go full force against everything you were when you did them."
I sat up and crossed my forelegs like a human would cross their arms. "Well, I should be completely against what I stood for as a Shimmerist. Are you saying I should be okay with any of that?"
"I'm saying it isn't the first time you have turned on yourself," Dad answered. "You did it in college when you felt guilty about the abortion. You did it again when you turned into a pony, and you're doing it again now. You see the entire paradigm of your life as either right or wrong, and once you see it as wrong, you do everything you can to rip it all down, regardless of whether there were elements of that weren't bad."
"If that filly had been from here and content with our country getting those kinds of weapons, so long as it didn't disrupt her life, would the old you have had any disagreement with her?" Mom asked.
I wanted to argue that of course I would, but hesitated. Maybe they had a point. "So what? I've seen where that kind of thinking is wrong."
"You still see yourself in her, though, and just like yourself, you don't have any mercy for what she does," Dad concluded. "You may be harsher on her than she deserves. She's desperately clutching to what she understood to be true, as well as trying to make sense of a major loss, and she needs you to guide her, not condemn her."
Mom touched a leg to me. "And the same could be said of you. You want everyone to condemn you, and in your mind, they might be, but that isn't what you need. You need to find your new truth, just like that filly does."
I laid my ears back. "My truth?"
"Your anchor; what you believe in," Dad clarified. "Good or bad, right or wrong, you've always anchored yourself to something, even when you were a child, you had a guiding view of what you perceived to be right. Right now, you don't have that."
"And all you can do with that filly is tell her how wrong she is because you can't guide her to something you believe is right," Mom finished. "You're right; you don't have anything to offer the world at the moment because right now, you don't know who you are or what you believe in. You need to find that again."
My brow narrowed, and I snarled. "And how well has that ever worked out for me?! I kicked you out of my life because I thought I found a truth that was better than yours. I spread Shimmerism far and wide because I thought humans are inferior, and that was a great truth to believe in. Tell me what I'm supposed to believe in because I clearly can't judge truth."
Mom looked again to Dad for him to say something, and he stepped forward. "We can't tell you what to believe in. We're just simple ponies. I'm not sure there's anypony that can tell you what to believe in. That's something you have to find for yourself. I do have a suggestion, though."
I glared at him with tears in my eyes. "What?"
He sat down. "You said Princess Luna wanted to take you under her wing. If you're looking for somepony with some wisdom, you could do worse for yourself than a thousand-year-old demigod. Maybe she won't be able to help you, but you never know if you don't give her a chance. She wouldn't have offered to do so if she didn't think there was hope for you."
Mom hugged me. "We want you to be happy, baby. You can't be happy like this. You can't make peace with that filly like this. Do you want her growing up feeling like you do now?"
I sagged in her grip. "No- I don't want that for anyone."
"Then figure out what matters to you, so you can give her guidance," Mom whispered. "What matters to me is that you know I love you, and I never stopped hoping you would come back to us. I'm so happy you came, and I want to keep seeing you, but I want to see you happy again before I die."
I snuggled against her. "I'll do my best."