//------------------------------// // 2. The Last Doozy // Story: A Town's Story // by RoMS //------------------------------// There’s never enough sweets. Be you a foal, a grown-up, a grouchy donkey, or even a playful chaos god, I’m always timely to light up a party. I'll tussle and bustle and waffle around to shower everypony — and that means you! — with sugary treats. With me, It snows candy, that’s a pinkie promise.  But I’m just a silly pony and there can be tummy aches.  “I don’t feel so good, Discord,” I grumble. A candy wrapper tumbles over its bazillion empty siblings, piled smack-dab in the middle of Fluttershy’s living room. There was a tiny coffee table somewhere under them. Or had been, at some point, lost to the avalanche of wax parchment. I go slumping heavily into the pile — sliding, surfing — and the many wrappers flutter back on top of me. Soon, I’m buried; the way I want to be at my funeral.  So satisfying.  Anyhow! The last candy wrapper may have been empty, but the sweet it once held sure wasn’t playing along in my belly. Being a big meany to the end, it throws a roaring party in my stomach. A rollercoaster. A pirates’ ride!  Candies aren’t supposed to do that, you know, especially not to me. Unless... “A doozy!” I cry. Oh, what a schemy, nasty little twitchy-twitch, catching me off-guard like that. You don’t have a taste but you sure have a gut feeling. I carve my head out of the candy graveyard and eye Discord and his elongated smirk. I’m about to tall-tale about the storm soon to bear o’er Ponyville! And I’m gonna need a tricorne for that. A quick glance around; not a pirate’s hat to be found... Too bad Fluttershy never kept the pirate outfit I gifted her for Nightmare Night. “A twitchy-twitch is a’coming!” I blast, waving my shaky legs at Discord and the glimpse of an invisible white whale peeping behind his scrunched-up face. White whales are good at hide-and-seek, just trust me on that. “Ye damned!” I spring out of the pile, tip-hoof my way to Discord’s snaky side, and wrap my legs around his stringy neck. His eyebrows don’t even have time to furrow back. He definitely smells like peppermint. His fur and feathers stick against my coat with candy gore. He squeaks a bit, lifts a claw, but I stick an icky candy wrap in his muzzle — no time for his sailings-of-fancy!  I look away and finally blink. Fluttershy’s place is a confiseur’s mess; Discord made sugar snow indoors! He really needed to teach me that trick... Icing coats walls, sofas, and carpets — Angel could claim Rarity’s hide-and-seek record right there and then. Rarity’s a real hiding winner, you know, always distracting me with her ‘I’m not playing’ tricks. She can disappear for days! You know, melted sugar is its own kind of glue; I’m kinda stuck to Discord now. He garbles a sneeze — not a laugh, not a question, not even a snarky, millefeuille-y kind of a joke. His face is a gurgled grimace instead while he wears my breathtaking leg-lock like a necklace.  Uh, oh–  “Oh, puny Pie!” Discord coughs up once he’s out of reach. “I think you had too much sugar.” “Me! Oh, no-no-no! Not possible, Disco.” I shake my head hard, dusting off my sugar coat. As my belly growls, I curl back onto my withers. “Ooooh, it hurts real’ bad.” “Are you two alright?” Fluttershy asks from the kitchen where a tea kettle whistles. By the smell, it’s Pearl Gray. “Just Pinkie being Pinkie,” Discord replies, a paw tucked behind his back. My tail twitches and I glare at him. He grins. I squinch hard. He laughs back. “Truly a terrible doozy, Flutty. It’s gonna start raining chocolate. Again.” “I can see you and your crossed claws, Discord,” Fluttershy sternly warns a wall over. “Oh, shoo…” Nausea. A shudder and a jiggling and a flutter brawl inside me. The room swims and wobbles. That doozy sure is a heck-a-weird teeter totter. “It’s not a normal twitchy-twitch, Discord.” I huff, suckling air and staring without much aim at the sugary landscape around me. The wallpaper is dancing the Zumba while I’m lying in the sugar-snow! I don’t have a song to sing along, though. I don’t even think Zumba’s got lyrics. What’s Zumba anyway, right?  Oh! Ahem. Futtershy’s cottage got a crack in its retaining wall and somepony recently cleaned spilled tea not far from my nostrils. Angel must have had a tantrum again. Cups do go flying with him around. While I’m out of business on the floor, Discord springs airborne in a flap of paws, laughter, and wings.  “Oh no!” He whines and contorts and wriths with a grin like a snake in a tangle. “What’s it going to be this time, Pinkie? Flying bugbears? Angry geese ogling the streets? Oh, I know! World-ending foals!”  In a clap of paw and claws, a spyglass stumbles from behind his tail and somersaults to sit on his eye. Yeah, right!? With manic glee and many cackles, he starts surveying the living room. “Let’s find Twilight," he exclaims. "I’m sure she’ll be delighted to hear I have a shipment of pianos on the fritz.” “Discord,” Fluttershy calls, her tone snapping alongside a clatter of plates. “What did we say about wishing harm on our friends, or anypony for that matter?” “Oh, Fluttershy,” Discord replies, all pouty and sad. A snap of a claw and the pirate’s lens splatters into a hovering brown blotch. His tail whip-cracks and the blotch, now a centipede-legged stool, glides to the ground with him sitting atop. “They’re just pianos. Not anvils. And you pastel ponies are quite resilient. What’s a prank or two, or three, if it’s in good faith and with Pinkie here to bear witness.” Mr. Bear peeps through the cottage’s window and licks the sugar-coated wall. “She’s... green,” Fluttershy says, her head peeking through the kitchen door. “Oh, my.” She rushes to my side, sharing my above-space with Discord’s floating eyes. She gives him, or rather them, a look. “What?” Discord complains from his stool, staring back with two big black holes instead of eyeballs. “That way, she’ll only give me the stink eye if she starts puking.”  Fluttershy doesn’t answer. After a while, Discord clears his throat and flies over to retrieve two floating golf balls. “And I know of these doozies,” Discord explains, grumbling as he pushes two eggs in his sockets. “Twilight gave me the bird’s eye view.” “Is it a shaky tail?” Fluttershy asks, a hoof over her head. “It’s. A. Belly ache!” I blurt then inhale. “Not a funny one but an angry one. Like something real bad’s about to happen.” Fluttershy turns to Discord and stares, legs crossed against her chest. “Do you have something to tell me? Like, something you’ve been planning?” He raises an eyebrow, and so does she. He holds an empty paw out, and her leg-crossing tightens. Finally, Discord’s lips pucker to the side to hug his lonely canine. Fluttershy squints.  And my right hind-leg wobbles along with my belly.  “It’s not Discord!” I confess before Fluttershy can utter a word. “And I’m not sugar-rushing. I never get poisoned!” “What is it, then?” Fluttershy asks, a scaredy-shaky trill in her voice. Discord cracks his shoulders, a wide, toothy smile on his cheeks. “Let’s just take a quick peek, shall we?” Leaving no time for Fluttershy or I to protest, Discord’s cloven hoof snaps its digits, and the cottage turns inside out.  “Tadaaa!” he exclaims with pride and arms spread wide. We’re outside, scrambled atop one of Ponyville’s many hills. The sun's high and alone in the bluest of skies. Not a cloud at all — Rainbow Dash's characteristic hoof print, wherever my eyes can see. I am so sad that Ponyville is about to lose her most diligent weather-pone. Damn the appanage of the brass and stripes. So I oughta appreciate it while it lasts. Well, while we’re scrambling atop the hill, the greens and browns of the leaves and trunks of many trees, and the purple and yellow and white of a myriad flowers welcome us.  To the horizon, Canterlot’s hazy, mountainous shape catches the sunlight. “You see,” Discord ahahs, a paw stretched towards the good ol’ town of Ponyville. “Everything’s where it should be.” “Ahem!” interrupts a mare. I turn around to find a scene. And I don’t mean a scene scene as in a scene, just a scene. More like a theatre stage to spectate. Or a still life — though, a very lively, funny one. Anyway, I catch myself. Here it is: A field of green grass. A basket of fruits toppled atop a plaid cover. Fluttershy, awkwardly sitting on a crumpled bouquet of red roses and a toast. And behind her, two hugging mares staring at us with eyes wide as saucers. The oldest of the two pushes her scruffy silvery mane aside, and her black glasses up her muzzle. Pissed-off has gotten a face. And that face would be Mayor Mare’s. “Are we crashing a garden party?” I ask. “Hello, Mayor Mare. Hello, Cheerilee,” Fluttershy meeps, lifting herself off the mess she’s made. She brushes a strand of mane over her face. “I’m sorry for, uhm, the roses.” Unsure smiles fly across Cheerilee and Mayor Mare’s faces as they part their tight embrace. The former snickers under her breath. Meanwhile, Mayor Mare stretches with the dignity and full height allowed by her sitting position — she’s a mayor after all and needs to play the role even if she’s sitting on some grass and with flower petals all over her. Rubbing the red blush off her cheeks, Mayor Mare coughs into her hoof. “Don’t worry about them, my little ponies,” she dispels, motioning to the squashed flowers. “I’m more worried about…”  Her attention lingers over the sugar matting my coat but soon her gaze drifts to Discord, who now sits on the branch of a nearby tree, barely at a stone’s throw away. A wide grin splits his lips apart. “You,” Mayor Mare states. I want to cheer her and everypony up, say something, but I just crawl back into a ball, hooves pressed against my belly. “Foo! Don’t look at me like that, you boring paper-pusher,” Discord retorts. “We’re here because of one of your townfolks, I’ll let you know.” He points at me before his paws go up to draw air quotes. “Pinkie’s got a painful doozy. And though I am for once not responsible, I still ought to clear my name.” His low chuckle follows. “Simply put, we’re just out here to prove me innocent, and de facto and thereto prove her wrong.”  “It’s not a belly ache,” I croak back. “Oh, seeing what’s happening here, you might be right, Pinkie,” Discord muses, keeping up the toothy smile on his lips. His body stretches from the tree like a snake, his extending claw wobbling till it flicks Mayor Mare’s muzzle. Boop! “If there is one doozy going around these parts, this bureaucrat and her fair lovebird sure are it.” “Th– There’s no shame in enjoying a routinely beautiful summer Sunday,” Mayor Mare stutters, shirking her hoof at the draconequus before she steps in front of Cheerilee.  Her glasses drooping, she scrunches her muzzle left and right to push them back up; they barely hide her blush and pointed face. Cheerilee guffaws behind her yet again. “Come on, hun. Back me up, here!” Mayor Mare snipes.  “You’ve done this to yourself,” Cheerilee snickers, throwing her hooves up. She and I cross glances and she stands up, walking over to me. “Are you okay, Pinkie?” “Not, really,” I moan. “Oh, yes, the dull routine of two stray doves,” Discord peeps, pulling a bag of popcorn out of nowhere. “Anyhow, Pinkie’s been gurgling about a wild happenstance that will cast this picturesque town in total disarray. So typical. If we can’t prove her wrong, well, we can at least watch.” That earns him a few stares. “What? It’s true, don’tcha think? This town’s been boring for a while now?” “Boring is good,” Mayor Mare quips, twirling her hoof as if to wisp away Discord’s wishes. With him, the hypogriff’s paw does curl.  “Boring’s boring,” Cheerilee says. A smirk crawls on her cheeks as her girlfriend turns back to her. “Come on, sometimes you gotta spice things up.” Discord bursts out laughing and I crack a sheepish smile at Mayor Mare. Fluttershy latches her lips shut. And, as I struggle back to my hooves, I look down at Ponyville. Smoke is rising from the chimneys of Ponyville’s several bakeries, and the sweet and sour smell of bread carried by the wind greets us. I’d be hungry if my belly isn’t so painfully full. Maybe Discord’s right. Maybe I’m just poisoned. Oh, no, am I… aging? Will I soon have hair as white as Mayor Mare’s!?  Having her motherly smile wouldn’t be that bad, right? I shake the thought away. All I can see is a normal day for a normal town, except for Twilight’s castle, of course. It’s big and garishly exquisite, at least that’s what Rarity says. To me, it’s just real’ big and shiny. If only I could convince Twilight to host more parties — crystals make wonderful disco-balls. Something still isn’t right. I can tell. Or at least I can feel it down in my tummy. “You see, nothing’s going to happen,” Discord says matter-of-factly, flicking popcorn at my face. Oh no, he said the cursed words. That vile type of chatter prophecy. The Jinx! The paw’s curl.  My tail twitches, dances, and... rumbles? I snap around to catch Discord. He eyes me back with his raised eyebrow, and his frozen, barely opened mouth filled with overflowing popcorn. He knows it, he knows what he’d just done!  I return him my own flavor of a scared faceful because, when Fluttershy, Mayor Mare, and Cheerilee see my sorry face-y twisties... We all duck. At.  Once. Noon turns to midnight; darkness swallows the sky and hugs the horizon black! Silence robs my ears. My eyes! I see nothing. A windy sucker punch blasts me backward and robs me of air. I’m flying, like I’m falling from my hot-air balloon. Feeling dizzy like when you’re slowly falling asleep… Only to jolt awake! Aware and angsty! Twilight told me it happens when your brain thinks it’s going to ‘go to the other side.’ I think my brain just wants to party some more. Anyhow. Sounds and colors? gone! I’m blind. I’d be okay if I was playing Pin the Tail. But I’m not… I’m just scared. I can’t hear. I can’t see. I hit and slide against the grass and dirt, with wind rushing at my back. I land again. Bounce! What a crash. I smell copper. I never knew rust had an odor. Quickly, the world rushes back to my senses, a kaleidoscope whirlwind of images, flashes, colors, and noises. Noise... unlike any party I’ve thrown. A great thundering like my head’s stuck in a drum kit. My ears ring, my head hurts, my teeth stick, and all of a sudden my doozy’s gone for good.  At last! My eyes adjust and settle first on Canterlot in the far-far distance. It’s still there, at least. No villain to deal with today. Or at least, that’s what I think. The doozy may be gone, but it left me with a very cold hole in my chest. And I don’t like it. Oh, not at all. That sinking dreadful feeling that seeps down from head to hooves like a freezing cold, cracked egg yolk rolling through your mane and sticking to your scalp. I do not like it at all. That’s when I get a glimpse of Ponyville.  And I shouldn’t have. “It– It’s gone.”  Cheerilee spots it first, tells the truth first. Like the teacher she is. Matter-of-factly, only the substance of it. It hammers in that, yes, something’s missing. Oh, Celestia. Something is missing. Oh, no, oh no.  “Twilight,” Fluttershy mutters. I struggle back up, Mayor Mare coming to my side to prop me up without even a peep. We don’t share even a glance. All eyes, even Discord’s, are riveted away. Locked and captured by the novelty, a large, missing piece in the idyllic scenery. Darkness has snatched our hearts and bodies. And so much more. “Well, that’s new,” Discord whispered, the surprisingly intact popcorn box dropping out of his hand. He doesn’t pay it a thought. “The castle!” Mayor heaves at last. For all of us. There isn't a Friendship Castle anymore.  Something else stands in its place now. And I don’t like it. I don’t think anypony does, or will, or would. Even nature stands still. Not a bird tweets, not a cow moos. Not even a gust of wind drumming over the grassy hillside. Silent and observing, everypony stares at the thing, this new item in town. “W– what is that?” Fluttershy chokes up. Have you ever seen a jawbreaker? Now imagine it big… like, very gigantic. And black. So big it’s enveloped the castle, from the foundations to its golden weathercocks. Round, dark, smooth like that lava rock Maude likes a lot — obsidian, I think it’s called. There, it stands. A monster ball instead of the castle. A black hole of nothingness, still and cold. On a second take, I really doubt it’s obsidian or licorice, or even a jawbreaker. To be honest, it’s not even somet– “Not even something I’d dare you to lick,” Discord whispers in my ear. I’ve not heard him flutter off his landing spot. Now crouched next to me, his feathers shiver along his spine. Even his scales stand on end. He’s afraid, and it scares me more. Let’s face it, as Cheerilee would say, or Applejack. A massive black sphere has gobbled up Twilight’s castle. And that does not bode well for anypony at all. With its black so deep it’s like peering into a bottomless pit, it leaves a knot in my throat. It's got no details, no discernible jaggedness on its surface at all. A creepy smoothness. Light doesn’t even bounce off. “N– no,” I finally reply, the words having to break through my lips. Air fuzzes at the orb’s edge, like the haziness shooting off the asphalt on a hot Manehattan summer day.  But there’s no heat coming off that thing. It’s just hungry, and cold.  Oh, Twilight. What did you do?  Though the doozy’s gone for good, my gut’s still crawling… Doozies have always been nice to me before, often harmless. But now is something wholly different. Deeper, raw, sharper. A biting feeling like a snake’s fangs that sink into your heart — a terrible warning. One telling me we may never laugh about this ordeal once it’s over. If there ever will be an end to it. “Twilight!” Fluttershy squeaks, taking flight. The cold fangs turn into an icy vice, pressuring my ribs, shunting air out of me. My knees give out. Cold sweat drips off my brow. My tail and mane shudder like they never did before. “Pinkie, are you okay?” Cheerilee shouts, rushing to my side. I can’t say. Yes. No? I’ve never felt like that before or since. Fear. Plain and simple. Fear. I’d giggle at it. I’d crack up. Snortle... But something else rises in me in place of my generic laughter. An obligation that shoves aside everything else I’d care for: a joke, a laugh, making ponies happy. Anguish stands above it all, its urgency manifesting.  “Danger,” I hiss, unable to shout after Fluttershy. The wrinkles on Mayor Mare’s forehead crease further against her pair of cracked glasses. A scowl paints her cheeks, she too has this nestled fear. She knows. Her eyes follow Fluttershy as she gracefully glides down the steep hill and towards the town in the distance. Mayor Mare knows. Cheerilee’s words come hushed, defeated. “Somepony stop h–” We know. An imaginary dragon trashes my insides. I fight not to stumble again to the ground. I’m not here to eat grass.  Neither Mayor Mare, Cheerilee, or I can fly or teleport.  That’s when I meet Discord’s anxious eyes above me. We are rarely both serious, but I can see my serious face reflected in his determined eyes. Even though I know he knows what I know, I oughta tell him. Heave it out if not scream. I breathe it out. “Stop Fluttershy.”