//------------------------------// // Yours Truly // Story: Myou've Gotta be Kidding Me // by DataPacRat //------------------------------// Dear Princess Luna, I shall start with the time-sensitive items. For the encrypted text, please refer to our one-time pad, starting on line sixteen. 1. Please transmit the details of the spell which cures love potion overdoses to XETCZ UURSO, so that I can try to get it applied to Blanche. 2. Please use that same spell on Brick at your earliest convenience. The rest of this missive can wait until those are done. *** When I talked Princess Celestia out of curing Brick, I believe that I made a terrible mistake. Not only that, but it was a mistake I should have recognized. One of the most basic aspects of rationality is to recognize one's own biases, and much of the practical application of it is in finding ways to compensate for them, in order to approach the truth ever more closely. Looking back, I now believe that I used my skills not to figure out what the truth actually was, in figuring out the ethical course of action, but instead to rationalize and find justifications for a conclusion I already wanted to be true. This is, essentially, the cardinal sin of rationality. Now that I recognize what I now believe to be my prior error, I am trying to do two things - as I swore to do, whenever I discover I have caused somepony harm. One, to try to avoid making the same or similar errors in the future. And two, to try to un-do the damage that I did. If Brick is now cured, then the latter task is half complete; and I hope to restore Blanche's mind to where she can exercise her full free will again as soon as possible. The reason I have changed my mind on this matter is simple, and shameful. I used my power over Blanche in a way that caused her physical harm, for a short-term tactical end. It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it; but when the plan was actually executed, and when I later thought about the reasoning process I used, I had to admit to myself that the same reasoning could be used to undermine every single ethical rule I try to hold myself to. If those ethical rules have any value, even if being nothing more than showing how to achieve long-term profit by limiting one's short-term opportunities, then that reasoning process has to be false; and if it's false, then I caused Blanche harm without any justification. I would like to submit myself to trial, or to Royal Justice, but certain practical problems prevent my presence in Canterlot at this time. Another difficulty is that, until Blanche is cured, she will not be able to even consider that what I had done to her could be abuse. Brick is aware of the details of what happened, and my next destination will be LYEHT VZKWD INQCJ. I do not trust my own judgment in this matter as much as I trust yours; if you wish to pass sentence on me, and send the details, I will do my best to abide by your ruling. *** On another topic, I am sending along with this note a magical device I have recently developed. I have not officially named it, but have started calling it a 'truth wand' in conversation. Its operation is reasonably simple: 1. Ensure that the gem is charged, the way unicorns can recharge light torches; 2. Aim the wand at your chosen target; 3. Visualize them being unable to lie, and having to tell the truth; 4. Speak the activation word: PYADY UVPUU SNCAB. Should any of those steps be left out, or done wrong, I cannot guarantee the results. If they are properly performed, however, then for a duration of FDPBR XCDHY CBXJM, the target will not only be unable to lie, but will be compelled to answer any questions, truthfully, to the best of their ability. This, of course, raises a whole host of ethical and legal issues. Anypony who uses this wand on another can potentially gain a benefit thereby; but most ponies would object to having it used on them without their consent. Fortunately, society already has a way to classify such acts: it calls them crimes. Thus, until your government can write a bill covering the various nuances of this issue, I would recommend that you issue and spread a preliminary Royal Edict which firmly establishes that use of this magic is a crime equivalent to assault or rape. Like such crimes, there are certain situations where the action is justified anyway, the way in which police are allowed to use violence to prevent the immediate threat of harm to an innocent pony; and, in such cases, the proper defense can be raised at a trial. However, I also wish to stress that there is a very good reason that ponies have the right to avoid self-incrimination during a trial; magically forced self-incrimination is at least as bad as any non-magical form. While I am entrusting you with this wand, I will also be paying attention to how you use it. As I have learned, some of the worst abuses of ponies can come from the highest intentions. I have made a similar wand for myself, to experiment with. For example, I would like to see if I can use it on myself to help reduce self-deception. I am also seeing if I can extend the range - I am aiming for line-of-sight, and do not see any reason I cannot reach that goal. I have also come up with an alternative method of applying this magic which I find myself quite tempted by. You might remember that a month ago, my experiments with KPKFY SAUHR WUWAR KJRXA caused a simple light-spell to become wildly overpowered and uncontrolled. If my calculations are right, if I applied that same technique to this new magic, and set it off, say, in the middle of the Barn of Lords, then each and every noble in attendance would find themselves forced to answer all questions with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, for the rest of their lives. Given that such nobles are supposed to be entrusted with the responsibility of taking care of their realms and the ponies within, there seems to be little downside to such an action. However, given the potential downsides of second-order effects, and the fact that the current government seems to be at least minimally competent at their entrusted task, I currently feel that taking such action would be unwise. (However, if the government turns out to be unable to fulfill its duties, such as by allowing a significant cabal of its members to abuse the rights of Equestrian citizens, I just might change my mind.) *** Through no fault of your own, Your Highness, I expect at least a summary of the contents of this letter to fall into the hands of my political enemies. To them, I wish to say that should I discover you abuse any innocents while you pursue me, I now have an option for retaliation which I consider (and which I expect the Princesses would consider) to be much more humane than death, but which you might consider to be far worse. I would also like to point out to them: this is merely the first practical result of my researches and experimentations - or, at least, the first that I am willing to share the results of. I have a number of other interesting and entertaining ideas in the works. Whatever your disagreement with me is, I strongly recommend that you at least try discussing the matter with me before making any further attempts on my life. I recommend even more strongly that you abandon any and all plans to try to get at me through harming anyone I consider to be under my protection; you have absolutely no idea what lengths I will be willing to go to if you make me truly mad. To put it in formal terms - I will consider any harm to such individuals to be casus belli, and am quite willing to declare war on the entire Equestrian state should you attempt to hide behind its protections. And by that, I don't just mean trying to push for a negotiated settlement; I have reasonably high confidence that I could force an unconditional surrender from the Princesses themselves, if need be. I'm quite willing to have my own truth wand used on me to verify that particular statement. Such a conflict is far from my first choice - but since I have yet to see a limit on what actions you are willing to take, it seems prudent for me to mention that I am willing to play the hardest of hardball, if need be. *** Please accept my apologies for the tone of the above paragraphs, Your Highness. Most of your little ponies are quite willing to try to do the right thing, with only the most minor of corrections needed to show them the right path. But true evil does not respond to non-violence; as an author whose name escapes me once wrote, "now and then there's nothing left to do but hit the other person over the head with a frying pan." Yours truly, Missy Dear Missy, I am disturbed by many of the things thou wrote in thy most recent letter, and which Brick told me. Brick has had the curative spell cast on her. However, she was under the influence of the love potion for over a month; simply removing the magic may no longer be enough to completely get rid of the love potion's effects. She will most likely sleep for two or three days. Enclosed with this letter are the directions for the cure spell. To most Equestrians, I would say that they are quite difficult and require enormous power to follow, but I suspect thou may find a way around those problems. I am not going to issue a sentence against thee right now. However, I urge thee to return to Canterlot as soon as possible so we can discuss the matter. Thy truth wand was tested on a volunteer, and found to work as described. I then placed it in a secure vault. I am not sure what I can use it for, but I appreciate thy trusting me to use it responsibly. Please do not threaten to go to war against me and my sister, or to use magical truth-explosions against the nobility. Even if thou art fully justified in doing so, and thou wins, it is the sort of thing that makes the Royal Guard nervous about letting thee talk to us. I have discussed certain aspects of thy letter with my sister. She was also disturbed by them. She said she was reminded of a pony who once delved into researching magic, but who went mad, and hurt many ponies. We are both worried that thou might be following the same path. We have not broken doctor-patient confidentiality, but we know thou wert receiving psychiatric treatment, but have not gone to see thy doctor for days. We remind thee of thy first promise to us. Again, we urge thee to return to Canterlot. Sincerely, I am, Princess Luna Dear Princess Luna, If you receive this, I will point out in my previous letter that most of the encrypted text was not what was implied by the surrounding words, but instead contained an additional message, requesting that any response contain a certain attribute, to prove that it was from you. I recently received a letter, purportedly from you, which did not contain that attribute, and which urged me, more than once, to travel to Canterlot. Thus, I am concluding that your postal system has been both infiltrated and subverted, but that the one-time pad system remains intact. One alternative possibility is that you have simply misplaced the one-time pad, and the letter really was from you. However, this seems much less likely. I am afraid that I cannot base my actions on the advice given in that previous letter, and I must hold the curative spell enclosed with it as being highly suspect, both in general and in every particular. In case you still retain the one-time pad: VMVXE NMKKI WTSRN DUZAZ GKYBW EMYMK WVKMC, but I hope it does not come to that. Yours truly, Missy It appeared that, one way or another, I was cut off from royal support, at least unless I could make it past the various guards and into the direct presence of one of the Princesses. Still - whoever was reading Luna's mail, that last bit of code should sow some confusion among the ranks. Without the one-time pad to decrypt it, it was a mysterious something; and with the one-time pad... it was still a mysterious something, since it was actual random gibberish, not an encrypted message at all. Even if the letter-readers had the one-time pad, they'd probably assume that there was some further encoding scheme they hadn't been told about - and, if I was lucky, they would waste many pony-hours of their decryption experts' time trying to figure it out. If I was unlucky... one or both of the Princesses might call me on my promise to go to a mental institution if they said I should. I still planned to do that - if I could confirm that such a request actually did come from Celestia or Luna. I hoped Brick was doing okay - and really had been cured. But I couldn't think of a way to verify that without putting even more ponies at risk... and if she were in trouble, I didn't have enough resources on hoof to mount a decent rescue op. So the next step seemed to be the same either way - and, come to think of it, was the same step I should take if I really was going to have to face off against the whole Equestrian government all the way up to the diarchy: gather resources, gain knowledge, become more powerful. I really hoped I wasn't actually going mad. It would be rather embarrassing to go to all this trouble needlessly.