“I cannot believe you’re doing this to me,” I said over the line.
“I’m sorry! Look, Rainbow, this shouldn’t take forever, but I can’t exactly turn Mister Diamond away when he shows up at my doorstep. He pays more taxes in one month than half of Ponyville does in a year.”
“Uh-huh. So, let me get this straight. You’re turning away me, your seven-month-pregnant best friend and old buddy who you called to set up a visit, to… please your sugar daddy?”
Twilight sighed. Yeah, no two ways about it, that was a winner. “Dash.”
I laughed. “Oh, no, I understand. Gotta get those royal knees dirty when money’s involved.”
“I’ll call you back when I get done.”
Ah, now she’s pissed. “You’d better. I can’t fly to Ponyville on my own anymore because, as I said, I’m seven months pregnant. I had to pay for a balloon ride here, ya know. Ain’t cheap.”
“I told you I’d cover it!”
“Yes, yes you did. And I plan to hold you to it.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Wait!”
“What?”
“Friendly advice: don’t get it in your mane.”
-click-
I chuckled at the phone and threw it in my bag. Twilight had a lot of meetings with a lot of powerful ponies, so the time she did have for personal stuff was very limited. Being an absolute schedule freak though, she was pretty good about managing it.
Today, however, Diamond Dust, owner of Diamond Resorts and a good portion of Ponyville’s inner ring districts, decided to pay Twilight a visit. Not a guy you can just turn away. Did that mean I’m not going to give her shit for it? Absolutely not. Did I really think Twilight could whore around for powerful ponies? No, not in the slightest.
That was Rarity’s shtick, and I’m pretty sure we all know that Pinkie, Applejack, and Shy raised Pearl more often than her own mother did. To her credit, Rarity does try her best and often takes the others on trips every now and again to make up for it with the loads of cash she has, but I somehow feel as if that won’t fix her problems.
With Twilight, I couldn’t be sure she wasn’t still a virgin. She was never very good at approaching stallions in the first place, but she was… a little more than depressed the day we learned that alicorns weren barren. The price of power, as Celestia said. The moment Twilight accidentally cast that spell, time was stolen from her, and it wasn’t even her fault. She’d always been the hopeless romantic type, reading trashy novels for the day her prince would arrive to sweep her off her hooves. That dream was shattered all at once without so much as a warning.
Maybe she experimented since then, it’s been about eight years after all, but who knew? It’s not something she liked to discuss, and there was always a melancholy around her when we all got together for Hearths Warming. We had families and kids, and she didn’t. She couldn’t even if she wanted to.
I shook my head and leaned back in the balloon basket. The breeze was gentle and the sky was clear and blue as it could be. I was in a good mood not having to think about last week or the impending shift in my world in about four months. Twilight called me because she said she had an idea which I hoped meant a way out of this. I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want to leave my parents, I didn’t want to raise Prism on the ground, and I didn’t want to leave my home. If she could get me out of this, I’d be all for it. That said, I didn’t know what I’d do with the extra hours here I hadn’t planned for.
I suppose I could visit somepony. Going through the list, Pinkie was probably working right now. When the big construction boom started back in ‘05, Twilight offered ponies preferential treatment for businesses within the inner circle, and Pinkie hopped on that to finally get a bakery of her own. Open from Tuesday to Friday with the famous ‘Princess cupcakes’ being the top seller. In part because she makes sugar wings and horns modeled after the four of them, and also because they’re the actual favorite flavors of the princesses. (She caters for the castle a lot.)
If I went to see Shy, I’d have to deal with Discord. I didn’t hate the guy, but he liked to get under my skin for the fun of it, sometimes literally: I just don’t want to deal with that right now. I'd seen the baby, Magnanim… Magnamin… Maggy, and the other kids not too long ago, so if I skipped now, I could excuse it as avoiding a car ride. I love her kids. They’re fun and not as annoying as their dad.
Safe bet was that Rarity wasn’t home right now. I didn’t know her schedule, just that she was only there half the week which made her busier than Twilight somehow. She could barely make time for her kid; I can only imagine what little time she’d have for me.
Another safe bet was that Applejack was home right now. If she wasn't watching the kids, she'd be in the orchard. If I went to see her, I could just walk from the castle and not have to get in a car. Sure, they’d all probably make time for me if I just showed up on their doorsteps, but I could bother Applejack without feeling bad about it.
Destination decided, once the air balloon landed, I started the trek over.
Sometimes, it still blew my mind that this was Ponyville, especially the part I used to live in. A few historic wood cottages with thatched roofs survived in District 1, but every other building either jutted into the sky, was owned by the federal government, or was part of a big fancy shopping district.
Busy streets, shuffling ponies, car horns, traffic lights, and something unique: a crystal treehouse castle that stole the eye. Every road led to the castle, and one could see all the way to the city’s edge from the castle’s second floor. Clear-cut paths branched into streets and alleys that cover the place like veins, most roads following a grid-like system Twilight had planned, save for the castle and Sweet Apple Acres. All in all, a living and breathing city filled with everything and everyone you could imagine.
A fifteen-minute half-trot half-flight left me winded at the Acres’ gates. The main family lived closer to the northern side, but there were a few guest houses for relatives and visitors plus a ‘barracks’ for the ponies that worked and lived on the Acres. Applejack’s operation had come a long way since Granny died.
The gates were closed right now, but I just flew over them and didn’t bother; I was welcome anytime. A short, tiring flight got me to the porch of the main house. Once I was there, I could hear them all.
“No, it’s gotta be like this! A big guy like Uncle Mac!”
That’s one of the twins.
“How come you get ta choose? It should be somepony like the princess!”
The other twin, arguing like usual.
“Come on y’all, don’t get ta shoutin’. Gin’s asleep. If ya wake her up, Ah’m gonna kick yer flanks.”
Mom, being mom.
“Can a boy be a princess?”
Ah, she has Pearl today. Rarity isn’t home.
“Boys are called princes, Pearl.” An answer from the oldest son. A pause. “Ma, does Equestria have a prince?”
Hard to believe that kid is already six.
“There’s an old story that says Equestria was founded by a king, but we’ve had princesses since the beginnin’. Ya might call Twi’s brother a prince since he married a princess, but Cadance doesn’t really have the kinda power the other princesses have. Ah’m sure Twi’ll tell ya all about it if ya ask her, Whiskey.”
Fin must be working today. I walked up onto the porch but got called out before I could knock. “Now that sounds like the hooves of a freeloader. Come on in; door’s unlocked, Dash.”
I rolled my eyes but followed directions anyway. To my left was the familiar sight of my old friend with a foal on her belly relaxing in a wood rocking chair older than the town of Ponyville. Just one foal now, and a little green filly at that. Applejack had her mane all done up in a bun like Granny used to, and she’d taken up wearing that old apple family shawl too. If that wasn’t a picture older than photography, I wouldn’t know what is.
Whiskey sat on the couch, tentatively keeping an eye on his little brothers and Pearl while playing some kind of game on a tablet. It was strange to see the modernity in this house that was practically ancient at this point, but time waits for nopony I guess. The apple blood in his veins was already beginning to show in those muscles of his, and one of these days, he’ll look like his uncle Mac. It was hard enough to get Pearl away from her ‘brothers’ now, just wait till they grow up.
Walls covered in pictures from ages long past till now led my eyes right, where they fell on the twins and Pearl. A different kind of familiar, they were all gathered around the end of the coffee table and playing with multi colored blocks and figurines of superheroes and princesses. Yellow ears flicked up at the sound of my hooves, and I’d been spotted.
“Auntie Dashie!” the twins called. They were my favorites in this family, but that had to be because something about them reminded me of myself. Stout, the self-proclaimed oldest by a second, was a leafy-maned little yellow colt with his daddy’s orange eyes and the family’s freckles. Were it not for his freckles being a bit closer to his eyes than his brother’s, I wouldn’t be able to tell him and Cider apart. Speaking of, Cider was a bit quieter and more passive than his brother, but they share, like, two brain cells, and the twins confused ponies for the fun of it.
I gave the pair a wing hug since kneeling with a foal in me wouldn't be easy. “Stout! Cider! Good to see you guys.”
They hugged me back, but they backed off when they felt my belly. “Oh, geez, Auntie Dashie got fat.”
“Way fat.”
“Did ya swallow a balloon too?”
“Ma swallowed a balloon once.”
“It turned into Gin!”
Yep. Favorites. I shrugged for the boys. “Yeah. Keeps getting bigger too. Here in a few months I’m gonna… pop!” I grabbed them with my wings and started tickling with my most precise attacks. In mere seconds, my little victims were rolling, trying earnestly but futilely to fight me off.
“You’re in a good mood fer somepony who thought it was the end of the world not too long ago.”
I released the twins and put my wings away to huff. “Geez, Ma, way to bring the mood down.”
“Ah try.” Applejack took the little green foal off her stomach, got out of her rocking chair, and shifted the foal to her back. She made a short effort grunt as she did, and I noticed she was wider than I remembered. “What brings ya round these parts, Dash? Lookin’ fer houses?”
“Well, not really. Her purpleness called me, but then got a surprise visit by one of her sugar daddies, so I got sidelined. But uh…” The more I looked at her, the more it stuck out to me how I could see her belly behind her shoulders head on. Applejack was about as muscle bound as mares get, so it couldn’t just be fat. “Swallow another balloon, Ma?”
Applejack raised a brow then turned her attention to the oldest. “Whiskey, keep an eye on the troublemakers. Auntie Dashie and Ah are gonna go talk in the kitchen, okay? Ah expect said troublemakers ta behave. Do Ah make myself clear?”
She eyed the little yellow colts who both turned their heads the other way. “Who do ya think she’s talkin’ about?”
“Ah don’t know. Probably you and Pearl.”
“What? Naw, Ah bet it’s you and Pearl.”
“I’m not a troublemaker!” the only unicorn in the room complained. “Auntie Applejack means you guys!”
The twins both looked at her then at each other. “Naw, couldn’t be,” they said together.
I put my wings on their heads and leaned into the conversation. “Hate to break it to ya guys, but she’s right. If not for Ma, be good for me, alright?”
In a strange, near-unnatural perfect unison, the twins groaned. “Fine.”
“Auntie Dashie?" a sugary-sweet little voice little voice called. "Are you really gonna pop?" Though she was innocent here, Pearl was more Rarity than she seemed with the potential to be just as devious as her twin best friends. Her looks, however, took heavily after her father which would only cause her problems down the road.
I put a hoof on her silky little blue mane and smiled. “Oh, don’t worry, kid. I’ve popped before. Ma over there’s popped more times than I have. It’s not that bad. You get a free foal out of it, so I’d say it’s a win.”
“Ooh!” Her big blues widened like she’d just found a piece of candy, but then her brows came down and she blinked. “How does that work?”
I froze. Shit. “Uh… y-you should ask Rarity about that! She knows all about it!”
“Mommy does?”
“She does! I’m gonna go talk to Applejack now! See ya.” And with that, I escaped behind the kitchen door.
Laughing, Applejack strode in after me with Gin still sleeping soundly on her back. “Ya sure do know how ta fit yer hoof in yer mouth, Ah tell ya what. Don’t ya worry though; Ah’ll make sure Rarity knows who ta blame fer that one.”
I let myself slide against her kitchen cupboards with a pained moan. “Oh, stuff it. Where is she, anyway?”
Applejack met me by the sink, moved Gin around to her lap, and sat down. “Oh, ya know. Off in Canterlot dealin’ with whatever new project she’s got goin’ on. She was supposed ta be home this week, but this came up suddenly as these things so often do.”
“Ah. I figured as much, but I didn’t want to assume.”
Applejack rested a hoof on the polished granite countertop. “At this point, Ah just expect ta have Pearl most days. Makes it hard ta separate her and the twins sometimes, but Ah don’t mind. Ah just hope she doesn’t come ta regret it later.”
“Pearl or Rarity?”
“Rarity.”
“Thought so. Yeah, she’s… something alright. But uh, speaking of balloons…?”
“It’s already that obvious, huh?”
And that confirms it. “Yeah, I just know what a fit mare looks like and you don’t have the ‘softness’ to be putting on weight the normal way.”
Applejack brought a free hoof to her mouth. “Ah don’t know how ya do it, but ya just always find a way ta phrase even the most innocent sentences in the worst way possible. If ya weren’t like a sister ta me, Ah’d be offended. Maybe even enough ta give ya one of them black eyes ya liked ta get so much.”
Pride made me giggle. “I know it’s not my special talent, but it’s definitely a talent of mine.” The cool wood and the familiar smell of this kitchen had the aches leave my wings. It wasn’t, but this place sure feels like home. My eyes trained back on that belly of hers. “I swear, it’s like every time I see you there’s a new foal on you and you’re still pregnant.”
She rubbed at her belly below the sleeping year-old. “Apples are as Apples do, Ah’m afraid. Applebloom’s expectin’ again too.”
“Already? The first one was in like… January, wasn’t it?”
“That’d be correct. Course, she had trouble keepin’ her hooves off Oro before they got hitched. Now that she has him all ta herself, Ah imagine there’ll be lots of little apples in their house soon enough.”
Thinking about the absolute Adonis of a stallion Applebloom hooked made my mouth water, so I generally tried to avoid that. “Yeah, no, same. Can’t blame her at all.” Shook Oro’s body out of my head and let out a breath. “You guys sure are… fertile. I couldn’t imagine…” having it so easy.
“Some say it’s in the blood, Sugarcube. Ah’m amazed Mac and Sugarbelle haven’t had another one yet, but Ah get the feelin’ that she doesn’t want another one. Two’s enough fer most ponies and Mac would do anythin’ fer that mare. If she decreed it, he’d make it so. Law ta his order, justice ta his judgement.”
It was something to admire, that's for sure. “It’s nice when you’re always in sync like that.”
Applejack leaned her head left and I could feel her eyes rooting around in my soul. “Hmm? Things not so ‘awesome’ at home?”
I clicked my tongue. She always catches everything. I don’t know who’s worse, her or Pinkie. I’m just not allowed to keep things to myself when they're around. “Well, I mean, things are always awesome, but…”
“But… somethin’ about the move is makin’ waves?”
Blew a raspberry at that. “Yes, Mrs. Detective.”
She held a hoof up in defeat. “Technically, that’s the truth.”
“Whatever.” She’s just trying to give me a headache now, and her smug fucking face is gonna do it too. “Look, I don’t wanna move. I haven’t been looking, I’ve been putting it off, and he yelled at me the other day for, like, the first time in my life, and we had a real fight last week and I… I don’t know what to do anymore.”
It’d been gnawing at me ever since.
‘We cannot stay here forever! Even if you find a solution that can help him live in the clouds, how long is that gonna last? What happens if he falls? We both wanted him, and now that he’s not what you expected, he’s not even your top priority anymore? What the fuck, Dash!? You are not this stupid! Get real! If you don’t figure something out soon, I will.’
I didn’t dream anymore. Everything he’d yelled repeated over and over again in my head like a broken record. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean I have to like it. It’s not supposed to hurt this much. They’re just words, so why won’t they let me go?
“Well, what can ya do?” Applejack began. “Ya can’t keep an earth pony in the sky. Not even factorin’ in the sheer stupidity of tryin’ ta live up there without wings, ain’t it expensive ta live in the tourist-y parts of Cloudsdale? It’s not like ya could have him cloud-proofed every day. Even Twilight said the spell ain’t the easiest thing in the world ta learn. Worst of all, if ya ever miss the timin’ once, he’ll fall.”
I bit into my lip. The pain of that felt way better than having this shit drilled into my head over and over again. “Don’t you think I know that? I know we can’t afford it. I know there’s no good solution here. I know I… I have to do something, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Mom and Dad, Soarin’s parents—I can’t just… they make things so easy. We never have problems with Prism because they’re always around to help. If I need to go out and Soarin’s working, they’re always happy to see him. Anything I don’t know, I can just ask them and get an answer. Moving makes all of that so much harder.”
Applejack chuckled. “Must be nice.”
I took a deep breath and ignored that. “Whatever. If I have you guys, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad as like a stand-in for my parents, that’s fine. But then comes the money issue. Do you know how little it costs to be a pegasus in Cloudsdale?”
“No, Dash, Ah don’t. As ya might know, even visitin’ Cloudsdale fer a day ain’t the easiest thing in the world fer somepony like me.”
She makes me want to tear my mane out half the time, I swear. All these years and I still can’t tell if she’s serious or not. “See, every time I complain to you, I always leave thinking I shouldn’t do that, because your sympathy ends when I walk in the door.”
Stroking her daughter’s little red and white mane, she said, “Sugarcube, if Ah didn’t care, would Ah’ve left the kids ta come listen?”
Well… no. “I guess not…”
Applejack nodded. “Right. Ah only laugh at yer misfortune because ninety percent of the time, it’s yer own fault.”
The itch on my scalp was getting harder not to scratch. “Whatever. Back to the topic at hoof: the most expensive thing for a pegasus in Cloudsdale is utilities and groceries. Pick air space, get clouds, build house, done. Literally made the original parts of the house when we first moved in together. A one day job. We just added on after Prism was born. I built a whole extra room for the new kid already, and I spent like thirty bits on sky pipe and cloud wire! That’s all it takes!”
Applejack drifted off till’ she imagined the costs and whistled. “Now that is cheap. A house like yers in Ponyville is gonna run ya a couple hundred thousand at the minimum. And that’s like in a second ring district. If ya don’t want a yard or anythin’ nice ta go with it. Ah suppose ya could be like Mac and move ta somewhere like the far corners of the third ring and get land fer a little under ten thousand an acre, but…”
“I don’t wanna do that either! I can’t even cheat the system like I did before and just build a cloud house out here because he has to live in it! It’s not like we don’t have money stored away in case we need it, but just the housing bit is going to run through most of our savings if we want something decent. He’d have to find a job, I’d probably have to find a job, we’re both going to have to learn to drive—”
“Ooh, right. A car’s gonna run ya a few thousand too, huh?”
“Yes! I hate cars; it’s like trying to fly wearing a cage four times my size, and if I screw up, it’s not just me that gets hurt or worse; it’s potentially several ponies! But if I don’t learn how to drive, it’s not like I can take my new baby everywhere on my back. Eventually, he’ll be too heavy for that. Did you see me when I walked in? I couldn’t even fly all the way here from the Castle without getting winded! It’s like, what, five miles?”
“Well, yes, but it’ll be easier ta carry him around when he’s outside of ya. Ya have a point regardless.” She let that sink in, rocked Gin a bit, then paused after something came to her. “Speakin’ of, what about a name? Ya keep callin’ ‘em ‘he.’”
Name? “Oh, Goddess.” I don’t have a name picked out! He’s due in early February! It’s already September!
“Ya… ya alright there, Dash?”
A whimper escaped my lips. Motherfucker! My head fell into my forehooves. “I don’t know, man! This whole thing just sucks. I haven’t even had time to think about that. We were supposed to come up with something after we found out the gender, but…” we’ve been arguing about what to do ever since.
“Whew, boy. Let me go put the lil’ one in her crib real quick. This seems like ya need my full attention.”
She went out, left me alone to rest my head on the cool countertop. A name! A name! I cannot fucking believe he still doesn’t have a name! For all the stupid shit in the world, how the fuck did we not come up with a name yet? There’s just been so much other shit to think about, but that’s kinda fuckling important! If we got a house here, this park would be within walking distance. This school sucks; it doesn’t even have a flight team. Should we get a smaller car or a bigger one? Do I even want to think of having more kids in the future right now? Can we afford rooms for everypony or can the boys share? If we do have more kids, should we buy a house with them in mind or just one that fits us now? Furniture, neighborhoods, vehicles, schools, housing, taxes, fees, jobs! Where do we even fucking begin!?
“Okay, Ah’m back.”
I just about jumped out of my skin when I found her standing beside me. This close to her, the baby bump was more obvious than I thought, but she was clearly not far along right now. “Pretty light on your hooves for a pregnant mare.”
She sat next to me with a nod. “Comes with the territory. Ya’ve got light sleepers like Whiskey, who’ll jump at anythin’ that goes bump in the night, includin’ his parents, and then ya’ve got heavy sleepers like Stout and Gin who could and would sleep through a twister even if it tore the roof off.”
“Heh. Including his parents, huh?”
“Let’s just say Ah’ve since installed a lock on our bedroom door.” She let out a breath and clicked her tongue. “That boy…” She sent her eyes my way and let them fall on my belly. “But enough about my life. Do ya really not have a name fer him yet?”
Frustration overflowed. “No! There’s been too much to think about. This is my third trip to Ponyville in the month, and all we’ve been doing is looking at everything, never agreeing, and going home mad at each other.”
“That’s not good. Ah thought ya said ya haven’t been lookin’?”
“Well, I haven’t. Not here anyways. The only reason I know we can’t stay in Cloudsdale for sure is because the houses in the tourist district cost more than the ones in the inner ring here. All Soarin does in his free time lately is look at the Ponyville districts. Even bought a cloud-proof computer just to check everywhere online.”
She tapped at her lips. “Y’all got generators up there?”
I shook my head. “Lightning bottles are pretty easy to make. So long as you don’t live too close to the ground, they’re pretty stable. Plug in a converter cap and you’ve got a few months of power in a bottle.”
Applejack blew air out her nose. “Geez. If the world wasn’t movin’ toward all this new tech, y’all’d have it made.”
“I know!” I threw my hooves up. “Everything would be easier if he was just a pegasus like the rest of us, but no, the mom Soarin won’t tell me about destroyed my life without being a part of it!”
Applejack brought a hoof to her snout. “Mom ya don’t know? Don’t Ah know Soarin’s mother? Ain’t she a pegasus?”
“Yeah, but that’s not the one he came out of, apparently.” I motioned outward in no particular direction. “She lives somewhere in this city. Or at least she did before it grew.”
“Huh.” She found a strand of mane on her face and threw it away. “Ya don’t happen ta know a name, do ya?”
Did she know something? “Why? But also, no, he won’t tell me. Laying off that issue was part of why he got me my phone, finally.”
“Hmm.” She brought a hoof to her mouth and I could practically hear the gears turning in that head of hers. “Well, even without a name, Fin could probably find her if ya asked him to.”
I sat on that one for a bit. It was tempting. Really tempting. If I knew the who, it would probably explain the why. But I decided against it. “As much as I’d love to, I can’t just go behind his back like that.” I pressed my forehooves together over my belly. “We’re… not in a good place right now. Things need to get better before we go over any more touchy subjects.”
“Are ya sure? It really wouldn’t be that hard for me,” a male voice said from behind. The door to the back porch closed and standing in front of it was Fin Sharp.
Applejack turned toward the door. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Welcome home, Sugar.”
In a single fluid motion, the green stallion swooped in from behind her, picked Applejack off the ground, and dipped her into a kiss. “As long as my angel’s here, appearing at your side is the best part of this devil’s day.”
In what I could only imagine was an attempt to contain sheer joy, Applejack smothered a smile into a smirk and kissed him back. “Somepony’s in a good mood.”
Fin let Applejack down and tugged at his tie. “First day in months without shootings in any district. I didn’t have much to do, and that means something is finally working.” Then, he turned to me. “Hey, Dash. How goes it?”
Usually, I never thought my friends had better marriages than I did. Sometimes, however, when I was around these two, I got those little needles of envy poking me in the back. The current situation only made them burn hotter. Applejack and Fin wouldn't tell anypony how they met or why they got married, like, a month afterward, but they’re perfect, and sometimes, I hated them for it.
I willed the needles away, if only to shake a few of them out, and sighed. “Oh, you know, fighting with Soarin, stressing over the new kid, stressing over what to do, stressing over my crumbling life. Normal, I guess.”
Applejack was less than pleased with me, but Fin brushed it off just like he always did. “Fun. Looking for houses today?”
Applejack took him aside and filled him in on the situation.
“Oh. That’s less than fun.”
I took in a sharp breath. “Yeah. I was actually supposed to see Twilight right now, but Diamond Dust stopped by the Castle, so I got shooed away till’ further notice.”
“Mister D is in town, huh? I would make a joke in poor taste at my employer’s expense, but he’s not exactly a guy you can just ignore.”
I crossed my forelegs. “My thoughts exactly. I’m hoping she wouldn’t summon a seven-months-pregnant mare just to tell me she hasn’t found anything helpful.”
Applejack shook her head and brushed her mane back in place. “No, not the Twi Ah know. But even if she does have a magic way ta fix yer problem, wouldn’t her past record of these things suggest somethin’ won’t go wrong?”
Why is my head so damn itchy today? “Well, no, but what other choice do I have? If I don’t bet on Twilight, then I have to make some serious decisions about my family’s future basically immediately! Do we buy or rent? Do we settle now with what we’ve got or do we plan for more? What do we do for work? How are we gonna feed the kids? How long do temporary measures last if we take them? Do we try to live near a park or buy enough land to train Prism on? How do I go about getting a license? Who can teach me how to drive? What kind of taxes will we pay if we move here? I still don’t know how to start, and time is running out!”
Fin scratched at his salt-and-pepper beard. As far as I know, he was a year older than Applejack, ex-royal guard, and currently a detective for Ponyville PD. He was only twenty-eight, but because of his naturally black-and-white mane, he looked way older than he was. That said, going to Fin for advice was never a bad idea. Fin was good at what he did because his cutiemark was a silver tongue, and he could usually tell you anything you wanted to hear. If he cared about you though, he’d do the opposite and give hard advice not unlike his lie detector wife. Between the two of them, I’ve been called out for more shit than I can remember, so I’m not exactly excited about what he might say.
“Hmm. That is a dilemma. Let’s start at the beginning and work our way through then, shall we?” He crossed his forelegs, closed his eyes, tilted his head, and raised an ear. This was Fin’s ‘thinking mode’ as Applejack called it, something he and his boys shared. A moment of silence, then a single orange eye opened to pierce through me. “If you really needed it, I’m sure we or Twilight could put you guys up for however long you need. Renting wouldn’t be a bad idea, sure, but that whole expanding family question would need to be answered sooner rather than later. My opinion is: the more the merrier, but that’s not for me to say.
“You guys were both Wonderbolts, so the force would love to have you if you’re open to that, but the crime rate in the third ring and further out gets scary, especially near 28, 34, 40, and 46, or the airports. I could tell you stories that would make your skin crawl. It’s not pretty, but Twilight’s more open to reason than most mayors across Equestria, so we’ll never be as bad as Manehattan. Provided we get more guys to keep up with the population, that is.
“With the automated weather system in place, it’ll be hard to find ‘pegasus’ jobs, but schools looking for flight instructors will chomp at the bit for you both. It won’t be anywhere near the salary a Wonderbolt trainer gets, but you can afford a decent house in a nice neighborhood and a serviceable car on it. As for which one to shoot for, that’s out of my hooves, but Fluttershy or Rarity can tell you. Special circumstances from one, all the money and influence from the other, and you have two well-researched mothers with eyes on every private and public school in the city.”
Fin shifted his jaw, then straightened his neck to pop it. “I can’t tell you how to train your son, but if you want to be closer to your friends, I’d say find somewhere near a park instead of buying land. If you do buy land, again, stay away from the cardinals and the districts surrounding them provided you go for the third ring. Go any further out and you probably won’t run into other ponies very often.
“There’s a city office in every odd-numbered district to apply for licenses and such, the castle serving as one of them. They offer driving lessons at all the colleges and several high schools, but you have to provide your own vehicle. I suppose I wouldn’t mind teaching you guys, but if you really wanna learn, Cheese is one of the best drivers I’ve ever seen. Rarity and Shy took classes for the longest time, but it wasn’t until Cheese and Pinkie showed them around did they finally get it. As for taxes, you’re about to go see Twilight, right? If anypony knows what you’ll owe down to the bit, it’s her.
“Lastly, the first thing to decide would be whether or not you want more kids later on. Even if you can’t come up with something now, I’d lean towards ‘maybe another’ and get something with an extra room just in case.” He put on a big smile and wrapped a foreleg around Applejack to bring her close. “We weren’t exactly planning for another one, but here we are. We might even be in for two again!”
Applejack turned her head and blushed. I squinted at her. Sometimes, it’s just not fair. “Twins? Again?”
She made an attempt to scratch the embarrassment away but only got cheek for her efforts. “Oh, come on, now. W-we don’t exactly know fer sure, but Apples are prone ta this kinda thing, and, well, it… it feels like two again.”
Fin kissed her cheek and she blushed a little harder. I felt the needles digging in again.
“Anyways, I think that was everything. Anything else?” he asked.
It was my turn now. Shit. So much for excuses. Complain to my less-than-empathetic friend, she points out the flaws in my problems. Complain to her fixer husband, he tries to solve the problem. I don’t ask for much, but for the love of the Goddess, please get me out of this, Twilight. “W-well…”
And just then, my phone rang. As if my prayer had been answered, the name I wanted showed up on the caller ID. Speak of the devil… “Hello?”
“Hey, sorry about the delay. I’m almost done. Are you still around, or do I need to send somepony to get you?”
“I’m actually with Applejack and Fin right now at the Acres. I can be there in about fifteen.”
“Oh, cool. Tell them I said hi and that I’ll see them on Sunday. Let me know when you get here and I’ll walk you to my office.”
“Okay, see ya.”
“Bye.” And with that, she hung up.
Not sure what to make of it, I passed the message along. “Twi says hi, and she’ll see you Sunday?”
Applejack snickered. “Well, ain’t that nice of her. Some ponies give ya notice before they just show up at yer doorstep.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I stood up and stretched out my wings. Left wing shoulder pops, the most strain I could get out of the elbow joint, and the furthest out I could bend the finger till’ it relaxed. Repeated with the right, got way more pops, and when I went after the elbow, I got a sharp pain for my efforts. “Ah, bitch!” I brought it in and removed an offensive feather that stabbed into my skin. “This is what I get for not stretching this morning. From my parents to my husband to my drill sergeants, I was always told to stretch before I fly, and the one day I forget because I think I won’t…”
Fin and Applejack shared a look, then she turned her eyes on me. I already felt the irritated groan coming. “Well, Dash, that’s what ya get fer thinkin’.”
And thus it came. “Ugh, don’t you have like, forty-two kids to look after and another twelve cooking? Go away.”
Applejack cackled and Fin wrapped a foreleg around her. “Oh, come on, Sugar, be nice.”
He whispered something in her ear that made them stand on end. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen her face any redder. She swallowed and cleared her throat. “A-Ah suppose Ah do have a few youngin’s Ah should check up on. Ah’ll see ya around, Dash. At least just give me a heads up before ya just drop on by next time, alright?”
I deliberately rolled my eyes in the most drawn out way I could. “Yes, mom.”
She narrowed her eyes and pointed a hoof at me with every word. “You’re Goddess damn right.” Applejack looked at Fin and nodded her head toward me, then made her exit.
Now he cleared his throat. “You need a ride?” Fin offered. “In any other circumstance, it’d be quicker if you flew, but that’s only like a five-minute drive from here.”
I thought about that for a second. In a normal situation, I would flat out turn him down for a number of reasons. I am faster than a car on my own, I’m not trapped in a box if I don’t go with him, and in the nicest part of Ponyville, I’m safer outside a car. I looked down at my belly and came to a conclusion. “You know what? I’ll take you up on that.”