//------------------------------// // The crystal riot // Story: The elements of metal // by sykko //------------------------------// Twilight sat a table in Sugarcube corner sipping on a glass of juice and munching absentmindedly on a piece of cake while wracking her brain on some new lyrics. Pinkie and Applejack say across from her discussing some new musical techniques they had been developing. "I was thinking of going with wicky-wicky-wrr-rrr-rr-rrr-ebbit-ebbit-shoo-shooo!", Pinkie said while moving her hooves moving on a pair of turntables, "Then I hit out a few chords on the keyboard like dun-doo-doo-dee-dwa-dun! Tomorrow I'm thinking of talking to Vinyl and seeing if she has any sampling techniques she'd like to share." "Jus' dun sample any of those little blue pills or ya might jus' find yerself gettin' rutted stupid by five stallions.", Applejack said. With a sigh, she looked off into space, "Ah need tuh see if'n Ah still have their numbers." Twilight didn't register the conversation as she wracked her brain trying to figure out what to write. She began to absentmindedly doodle. Applejack looked over at Twilight. "Whatcha drawin' there Twi?", she said pulling the sheet of paper over. "Eep!" Twilight desperately grasped at the paper with her hooves. "Well Ah say, this here's a right proper likeness o' Thrasher.", AJ said with a grin, "If'n Ah didn't know no better, Ah'd say that yuh were in love with her." Twilight blushed and looked down to the floor. "It's not that...I just can't get her out of my head today. I mean she drives me crazy with her abrasiveness, but she's also sweet and we have fun together." Pinkie looked at the paper the back to Twilight. "Thrasher is as uncomfortable with the L-word as you are. But whether you two L-word each other or just have fun, I can say that Thrasher is the happiest I've seen her in a long time." "Yuh know Pinkie now that ya mention it, she seems to be drinking less now than at any other time Ah've known her. Dun get me wrong, she can still put enough away to give an alicorn cirrhosis, she jus' now spaces it out more. It's been a month since Ah've found 'er blacked out inna a field or an alley.", Applejack said passing the paper back, "Whatever has bitten you has bitten her hard too." Twilight blushed a deeper shade of red as she folded the paper and put it in her saddlebags. "Thanks." Spike rushed in the shop, the frills on his head and back normally green were dyed multiple neon colors. "Twilight! Twilight!", he shouted waving his phone in his hand, "You got a text from Celestia!" The three mares snickered at the multicolored frills on the little dragon. "What in th' wide world of Equus happened to you spike? Ya get jumped by a rainbow an' a neon sign?", Applejack said trying to hold back laughter. Pinkie simply fell onto the floor roaring with gut-busting guffaws. Spike simply glared at the three mares. "If you must know, I volunteered to help Rarity test out some new dyes she recently developed." "More like*snrk* you let her smear that goop on yer scales*snrk* while ya rutted her with yer eyes.", Applejack said before falling over laughing. Rainbow Dash busted in the shop. "Omigosh, girls have you seen-bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She began rolling around in the air. Spike glared up the the laughing laughing pegasus. Rainbow wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry Spike. It just looks like you've been bukkaked by a malfunctioning rainbow machine." This time all four mares lost it as they fell hard on the floor with gut busting laughter. Spike growled as he crossed his arms. "I don't what's so funny about helping one of the nicest, prettiest*sigh*, most beautiful ponies in the world." He shook his head to clear the current line of thought. "When you decide to get serious, Twilight, you have the text from Celestia to see about." "I'm sorry I'm sorry!", Twilight wheezed as she got back up to her hooves, "Let's see the text." Spike ran his claw across the phone, opening the text. "It seems there's a video attachment." Twilight levitated the phone over and opened the attachment, a few seconds later the video downloaded revealing Celestia. "Greetings my faithful student, I need you to come to..." Luna pushed her way into the video. "Is this the new smartphone you've been trying to get me to use sister? Hello little version of me!" She waved a hoof. Celestia sighed as she nudged Luna aside. "Luna, please! I only have a short time to make this." "Maybe if you didn't eat so much cake, then your flank wouldn't be so big and then there would be more room for both of us on your picture phone.", Luna said dejectedly from off screen. Celestia sighed before continuing. "Twilight come to the castle. Your biggest test as a frontmare is coming, the-" The video ended. Twilight began to slowly hyperventilate and dropped the phone. Spike dove for the phone, only to miss it by a fraction of an inch as it hit the floor and the screen shattered. "Crap! That was a brand new fifteen-hundred bit I-plum. Why didn't I get the insurance for it?" He scrapped up the broken remains of the phone. "Well that's hard earned money shot to shit." "You don't understand Spike!", Twilight shouted, "This is the big! Celestia has a test for me! There's never been a test she's given me that I haven't prepared and studied for! What happens if I don't get a perfect score?!" Her eyes became pinpricks. "What if I get an A minus or a*gasp* B plus?!" She swooned and nearly fainted. Thrasher walked into Sugarcube corner. "Hey Pinkie! I got that burn cream you wanted! Next time be more careful when taking pans out...whoa it looks like I just walked in on a full blown Twily-nanas. And Spike, why does your head look like Dash clam stamped you?" "Ya want th' long or th' short story?" Thrasher shrugged. "Gimme the short story." "Twi received a vidjuh from Celestia 'bout a test an' now she's havin' a breakdown.", AJ said, "As fer Spike lookin' like jus' got mugged by a neon sign, Rares was testin' out some newfangled dyes on him." "You left out the part where she broke my new I-plum.", Spike grumbled. "That's why I refuse to upgrade from the old Tia thirty-three-ten.", Thrasher said pulling out her old phone, "I've had this baby for ten years, other than a couple of nicks and scuffs, it still works perfectly fine." "I don't see what's so great about a phone from twenty years ago that can't receive video attachments.", Spike grumbled smugly. Thrasher smirked. "You drop your phone from the counter top and it shatters into a million pieces. I could throw this baby from the top of Cloudsdale and it would hollow out a crater in the ground, plus it has an amazing anti-theft feature." When spike raised a skeptical eyebrow, Thrasher replied, "Go ahead, try and take it." When Spike reached for the phone, she threw it into his head. Spike laid on the ground with his eyes spinning in his head for a moment. "Ow!", he said rising from the ground, rubbing his head. "Uh, Spike? You might wanna go and wash the goop offa your head.", Rainbow said pointing a hoof. Spike looked down at his hand seeing where the dye had rubbed off his frills. "Crap." He left Sugercube Corner to find a shower. Thrasher sat Twilight in a chair. "Twilight, look at me. Just breath. You're going to be fine. If anypony can ace any test, it'll be you." She pulled out a can of beer and passed it to Twilight. "Here, drink this." After Twilight drank the beer, she gave a small burp, "Thanks." "No problem babe.", Thrasher replied, "Now no more worrying about this test for today, instead let's look at the new lyrics you've written." She reached a hoof to Twilight's saddle bags. "No!", Twilight exclaimed blushing, "They're not ready!" It was too late as Thrasher pulled out the folded up piece of paper. "Well I'm flattered.", Thrasher said looking over the doodle of herself, "But it's missing one thing." She picked up a pencil and began adding to the doodle and passed it back. Twilight blushed even harder as she looked down at the paper, Thrasher had added a doodle of herself kissing the doodle of Thrasher, a barbed wired heart floating above their heads and the words, "Best sexy friends forever" written on a banner. Thrasher turned and left the shop with a flirtatious flick of her tail. The next morning the seven mare and Spike boarded the train to Canterlot. "I'm so sorry Spike.", Rarity said looking looking over the weird swirling colors on Spike's frills, "I guess I'll have to give out some refunds." Spike chuckled sheepishly. "Aw don't worry about it. You didn't know how it would respond to my scales." Twilight fumbled through her overstuffed saddlebags. "Did I bring enough quills, ink, parchment? What if it's an oral exam?!" Thrasher snickered. "You're making it too easy. Just relax, everything will go fine." Applejack leaned over the back of the seat. "Dun worry yer head one lil bit sugarcube. Jus' remember what my second cousin three times removed Bob Marely said, 'Don't worry about a thing 'cause everything is gonna be alright'." "I forgot he was your cousin.", Pinkie chirped, "Your family basically created trotstafarian music." "Eyup!", AJ replied proudly, "His family still owns th' ole plantation in Jamaneca." As the train passed the checkpoint leading into Canterlot, the two guards uncrossed their spears. "I still don't see how we're supposed to stop a train with just these spears.", the first guard said. "If you want to complain, go ahead. As for me, I'm perfectly happy to earn easy bits on this job. It beats patrolling the streets or scrubbing toilets.", the second guard replied. The Seven mares and Spike walked up to the castle. Standing at the entrance to the throne room, Twilight shuffled her hooves nervously while she hemmed and hawed. "You got this babe.", Thrasher said nuzzling Twilight, "You'll do great." She swatted her on the flank with a hoof. "Go knock 'em dead!" Twilight swallowed the lump in her throat as she entered the throne room and froze seeing the princesses waiting for her. "Pr-pr-princesses Celestia a-a-and Luna.", she stammered bowing before taking out the books, quills, ink pots and scrolls out of her saddlebags, "I'm ready to take your test, I even brought extensive notes on everything in the event the test is oral." She unrolled several long scrolls covered with notes. Celestia smiled softly as she looked over the notes, then folded them up and passed them to Twilight. "It's not that type of test my faithful student." She stared out a window facing north and sighed. "The Crystal Empire has returned." Twilight quickly flipped through her notes and text books. "I don't see anything about the Crystal Empire." "I doubt you would.", Luna replied, "The Crystal Empire vanished before reliable records were kept." "Oh.", Twilight said softly as she put her things back in her saddle bag. "It used to be a most righteous kingdom that not only exported the most beautiful crystals anypony had ever seen, but also the best metal with the crunchiest licks anypony had ever heard. It was ruled by a just and righteous queen until a lame-flanked unicorn named Sombra seized power with the intention replacing all metal with*shudder* easy listening.", Celestia said stoically, "Luna and I defeated him and banished him and that totally unrighteous easy listening in the glacers of the north. Unfortunately he had cursed the kingdom and with his defeat the Empire vanished." Celestia turned to face Twilight and lit the magic in her horn, making a crystal appear on the floor. "If righteousness and brutality are restored to the Crystal Empire, then metal will reign across the land protecting all music. But if lameness and easy listening are allowed to rule..." Tacky, glittery swirls of magic poured out of corners of her eyes causing the crystal to warp as wrongteous music began playing. Twilight began backing away in fear before Celestia dropped the spell. With a gesture of her hoof, the two sisters guided Twilight back out to the foyer where her friends were waiting. "Shining Armor and Cadance will be waiting for you all at the Crystal Empire. And remember Twilight, as you being frontmare, the success of this mission falls to you.", Celestia said calmly. The two sisters raised an eyebrow at Spike's multicolored frills. "Spike?", Luna asked, "Why does it look like a rainbow masturbated on your head?" Spike grumbled under his breath as he left the foyer, followed by the seven mares. Once the group had left, Celestia and Luna fell out laughing. "Oh my me, Luna!", Celestia exclaimed between laughs, "I nearly busted out laughing when I saw Spike and then when you said that, I nearly pissed myself!" Luna couldn't speak as she gasped for air between gut shaking laughs. As The group boarded the train for the Crystal Empire, Twilight fidgeted in the seat nervously. "Relax sweetness.", Thrasher said laying her head on Twilight's wither, "I bet you did great." Twilight rubbed her temples with her hooves. "That wasn't the test. We have to go somewhere called the Crystal Empire. I have to save it from easy listening or all music in Equestria will be threatened." All the mares and the dragon shuddered visibly at the mention of easy listening. "Shh. Shh. I'm sure it's not going to be that bad.", Thrasher said trying to calm Twilight down. She dug around under mane for a moment before pulling out a narrow black box. "I was going to save this as a surprise until we got back to Ponyville, but...will you be my special somepony?" Twilight gasped softly as she opened the box revealing a thin silver chain with a medallion depicting two crossed guitars. "I-I don't know what to say.", she said, her voice catching in her throat. "You say yes!", Rarity exclaimed. Twilight looked up to her five friends. "Did you all know of this?" The other mares shook their head no except Pinkie who nodded her head yes. "The only pony who knows Thrasher betterer than me is my older sister!", she chirped happily. Twilight leaned in close and kissed Thrasher hard. "Yes! Yes, I will be your special somepony!", she shouted excitedly. She turned her back to Thrasher and lifted her mane. "Help me put it on?" Thrasher smiled gently as she took the necklace in her hoof and clasped the necklace around Twilight's neck. Pulling Twilight backwards, she said, "Now just lay back and relax." After Twilight laid back against her, Thrasher wrapped her forelegs around the lavender unicorn. Looking up at the other beaming mares, she said, "What? You all never seen two special someponies snuggling on a train?" After the other mares had turned around whispering excitedly to each other, Twilight closed her eyes to take a nap, buzzing happily. As the brakes on the train squealed loudly, Twilight snapped awake. Every pony and dragon on the train lurched forward slightly as the train came to a stop at the station. Stepping out on the platform, the mares and dragon shivered as the snowstorm blew. Shining Armor walked out of the whipping snow wrapped up in thick winter clothing and wearing a pair of snow goggles. "Come along everypony, we've got to make it to the city! There's dangerous things out here in the snow!", he shouted over the wind. Shining Armor led Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Thrasher and Spike through the near-blinding snowstorm. Deep laughter could be heard over the wind and the ponies and dragon looked behind them. A column of black smoke with a pair of malicious eyes, glittering with tacky magic began floating along the ground towards them. A head of a black unicorn with a curved red horn materialized. Shining Armor fired off a blast of raspberry-colored magic, causing the smoke creature to dissipate momentarily. "Run for the city!", he shouted pointing a hoof, "I'll hold him off as long as I can." As the unicorn began materializing out of the smoke again, an empty beer bottle sailed through his head. He glared down at Thrasher and said in a booming voice, "Really?! Look at me! I'm fucking made of smoke and you throw trash at me?" Thrasher dug in her hooves facing the monster and took out a keg. "I guess I'll have to step up my game then. Bring it on!" Applejack grabbed Thrasher by the nape of her neck between her teeth. "Wun now, grink lafer!", she shouted through the mouthful dragging Thrasher back towards the city. Shining Armor lit the magic in his horn ready to fight as the snow swirled around him. After the eight of them made it into the city, Twilight turned back and shouted ,"Shiny's still out there!" Thrasher shoved Applejack off of her. "Alright alright! We're in the city." She trotted over to Twilight, pulled out a bottle beer, drained it and smashed it against one of the crystal structures making an improvised knife. "Let's go get you brother!" As the two prepared to charge out into the snow, Shining Armor staggered back into the city with dark crystals embedded in his horn. "Your horn.", Twilight whimpered. Shining Armor tried to summon his magic, only to find it blocked by the crystals. "I'll be fine for now, we just need to get to Cadance." The group made their way into the massive spire that was the Crystal Castle where a very exhausted looking Cadance sat on the throne, her horn blazing with magic. Twilight hugged Cadance. "Are you okay?", she asked with a concerned look on her face. Cadance put on a brave smile., "Cady's been been up for three days keeping the barrier in place that's been keeping Sombra and*shudder* easy listening out.", Shining Armor said concerned. "So do you know what you're supposed to be doing?" Twilight's expression fell. "Not entirely. I know I'm supposed to stop Sombra and*shudder* easy listening, but I don't know where to start." "Dun you worry none sugarcube.", AJ spoke up, "If'n anypony c'n firgue this here out, it'll be ya." The other mares voiced their agreement. Shining looked down at his little sister and her friends, a small glint of silver around her neck caught his attention. He pointed a hoof, "I like your necklace. Where'd you get it?" Twilight looked down at the necklace and blushed slightly. "Thrasher gave it to me." As the seven mares turned to walk out, Shining Armor hummed approvingly. Cadance smiled weakly. "I'm glad for her." Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Thrasher, Applejack, Pinkie and Rainbow began spreading out across the city. "There's got to be a library or a hall of records or something we can use to find some information on what we need.", Twilight said. "Um...sorry...oh...ah...I'm s-sorry, can you help us find the library? It's okay if you can't.", Fluttershy whispered to a passing crystal pony. The crystal pony didn't respond, instead keeping it's face turned downwards in a depressed expression. "Tell us where the library is.", Rainbow demanded, getting in the face of a crystal pony. "I...I can't remember.", the crystal pony replied before cowering in the ground, "Please don't hurt me or play anymore easy listening." Twilight screeched to a halt, causing the six other mares to slam into her flanks. "If anything looks like a library, that has to be it!", she exclaimed pointing to a building. She hurried up the step, with the six others behind her. "Excuse me...", she said to an elderly crystal pony mare standing inside, "...can you help me find the historical reference section." The crystal pony only murmured a depressed response. AJ waved her hoof in front of the face of the crystal pony. "Ah think we're on our own with this'un." Twilight sighed, "Alright, we each take a section of the library and see what we can find." After several hours the seven mares sat at various tables or on the floor sorting through stacks of books or fruitlessly flipping through pages. "We're getting nowhere!", Rainbow exclaimed as she flopped face first into an open book. "Wait a minute!", Twilight said excitedly, "I think I found something." She flipped back and forth between a few pages. "It says here that the Crystal Empire used to hold a festival that culminated with a concert and an object called the Crystal Microphone was brought out. When the leader of the empire would sing into the microphone, it would spread metal throughout the empire and it would fill the crystal ponies with inspiration to protect the music of the land." Twilight read on for a couple of minutes before continuing, "It says here before the concert, they'd have jousting tournaments, T-shirt stands, crystal wine booths and smaller venues where newer bands and even solo musicians would perform." "I can take care of the T-shirts well enough.", Rarity said. "Jousting will be cinch for me.", Rainbow piped up. "Seeing as we don't have enough time to make wine, I can give up a few kegs.", Thrasher added, "Though it may not be wine, booze is booze and from the way these ponies look, they could definitely use it." Twilight rubbed her chin. "Then I guess I can gut one of our amps to build a Crystal Amplifier. We can each trade off on the smaller venues." The seven mares nodded and hurried off to set up the festival. Applejack scratched her head looking at the amp that Twilight had hastily constructed. "Uh, don't take this th' wrong way Twi, but Ah dun think that'll amplify a slide whistle without blowin' out or fallin' apart." Twilight sighed. "I know AJ, but I couldn't find any specs on a crystal amplifier, so I carved the box out of a chunk of crystal, then took the speaker and board out of one of our amps. Hopefully crystal amplifiers serve more as ceremonial pieces than actual musical hardware." After Twilight set up the amp she had built on a pedestal at the base of the Crystal Castle, a few depressed crystal ponies ambled by. "Come an' see th' Crystal Amplifier!", AJ called out. The nearby crystal ponies seemed to regain some of their color as they hurried to see it, they almost immediately lost their color again as they slipped back into a depressed state. "That's not the Crystal Amplifier.", one of the crystal ponies said sadly. "Eh-heh-heh-heh! This here's jus' a representation o' th' real Crystal Amplifier.", Applejack said sheepishly, "Th' real one's bein' adjusted an' polished 'fore it's brought out." She hurried to Twilight. "Twi! Th' Crystal Amplifier ain't a ceremonial piece, it's a real thang!", she whisper-shouted. Twilight quickly snatched a flag off of a pole with her magic and covered the fake Crystal Amplifier with it. "Stall tham as long as possible while I try and find the real amplifier!", Twilight whisper-shouted back. "Spike!", she shouted, "Come on! We've got to see if the castle has a records repository or a library!" Spike hurried to Twilight's side as she hurried into the castle. "Come on Fluttershy!", Rainbow said forcefully, "Let's show these ponies how to joust!" She placed a crystal helmet on her head before slapping one onto Fluttershy's head then picked up a lance in her hooves. "If you wanted to spear Fluttershy, you should just ask nicely!", Thrasher shouted, "Also I think Rarity is going to feel a little left out!" Rarity rolled her eyes at Thrasher's comment as she ironed an Iron Mare transfer onto a T-shirt. "Here you go darling!", she said in a chipper tone as she helped a crystal pony put on the T-shirt. Twilight flipped through old books in the castle library as Spike brought her a pile of ancient scrolls. Unrolling a scroll, she gasped, "Spike! I just found the specs for the Crystal Amplifier!" She quickly scanned through the other scrolls. "Oh my Celestia! The Crystal Amplifier is hidden in the castle!" A crystal pony walked up to the drink booth and looked at the beer kegs. "That doesn't look like crystal berry wine casks." Thrasher pushed a tap into the keg and poured a cup of foamy, amber liquid. "True, this isn't crystal berry wine. We didn't haven't time to ferment any. This is the nectar of the gods. It's called beer!" She passed the cup to the crystal pony. The crystal pony took a sip of the beer, suddenly the stallion's face lit up as the color began returning to his body. "This is great!", he shouted before downing the rest of the cup, "Now I wanna punch Sombra right in his bitch face!" "Yeah it's pretty great.", Thrasher chuckled as she filled another cup, "Here, have another." As Twilight hurried through the halls of the castle with Spike in tow, Shining caught up with her. "Twily! What's up?! I haven't seen you this determined since Canterlot." "The Crystal Amplifier is in the castle and I think I know where it is!", Twilight exclaimed, "Help keep the crystal ponies occupied while I find it." Shining Armor nodded before quickly hurrying off. When Twilight reached the throne room, she and Spike began inspecting the throne. Spike tried shoving the throne, before slumping in exhaustion. "I don't think I can move it." Twilight clicked her tongue in thought. "I think I know how he hid it. Quickly Spike, cover your ears!" "Why?" "Nopony needs to hear this*shudder* easy listening." After Spike had stuffed his fingers in his ear holes, Twilight lit her horn and painful music began playing from her magic. The throne disappeared, revealing a spiral staircase leading down. Looking down the staircase, Twilight shard of crystal and dropped it. She strained her ears listening for the sound of the sound of the shard hitting bottom, a frown spread across her mouth when she didn't hear the shard hit bottom. Twilight gulped hard before walking down the spiral staircase. Her hoof slipped on a piece of loose crystal and she slipped off the edge of the stairs, as she plummeted into the darkness, she narrowly caught the edge of a flight of stairs with her hooves. "What the fuck, Sombra! Have you never heard of safety railing or banisters?!" She pulled herself back up on the stairs and looked down, when she could see the bottom of the stairs, she said, "Fuck this!" Summoning up her magic, Twilight teleported to the bottom. Twilight steadied herself after materializing at the bottom of the stairs. Looking around she saw a door. Reaching up a hoof, the door moved. "Of fucking course!", she grumbled. Lighting the magic in her horn, she fired a beam of magic at the top of the door, a beam of magic fired back at her from the top of the door as it opened. "Princess Celestia! Please no, I can do better! Thrasher, please don't leave me! I love you!" "Twilight!", Spike shouted as he nudged Twilight, "Are you okay?! You were down here a long time crying." Twilight quickly shook her head to dispel the disturbing images. "Thank you Spike." Her eyes glistened with inspiration, she quickly shoved Spike in front of the door and fired a beam of magic. A beam of dark magic fire from the top of the door and hit Spike in thge top of his head as it opened. "Rarity! Please no! Why are you giving me a restraining order?! Twilight, please no! You love metal! Don't take up smooth jazz!" Twilight dropped the spell and pulled Spike in for a hug. "It's okay Spike! It was just a spell meant to show you your fears." She rubbed her chin in thought. "I've got an idea." She summoned up a mic with her magic and began singing Iron Mare. The door snapped open revealing another spiral staircase leading up. "Great! More stairs.", Spike said dejectedly, "You'd think Sombra has never heard of elevators." "Come on Spike!", twilight shouted as she levitated the drake onto her back and began hurrying up the stairs Shining Armor and Cadance made their way out onto the balcony as Pinkie blew a sour note on a horn. "What?!", Pinkie shrugged, "I play turn tables and keyboard, not trumpet." Cadance gasped in exhaustion as she slumped onto the banister, her magic dropped and Sombra began to materialize on the edge of the city. As he lifted a flugelhorn to his lips, Shining nudged Cadance. Opening her eyes, Cadance quickly reignited her shield spell. The descending spell wall knock the flugelhorn from Sombra's grasp and it landed on the edge of the city. The evil *shudder* easy listening loving unicorn laughed wickedly as he dissipated into smoke and the flugelhorn sank slowly into the ground, causing cheap brass instruments to begin slowly spread. Cadance slowly rose to her hooves and said weakly, "Fear not my subjects, I have been assured that the Crystal Amplifier is being brought out soon." She winced in pain, causing the shield to flicker momentarily. Shining looked out at the shield seeing Sombra in his smoke form laughing as he spun a flugelhorn in his hooves. "Please hurry Twilight!", he whispered, "Cadance keep the*shudder* easy listening out for long!" "Princess teatfucking Celestia!", Spike exclaimed, "How high do these stairs go?!" "All the way to the top.", Twilight snarked, trying to keep her spirits up. She looked out and saw the shield flicker. "This isn't good!", she murmured to herself. "Hang on Spike, we're taking the express route!" "About damn time!", Spike snapped. Twilight rolled her eyes as she cast a spell. Gravity for her and Spike inverted as they landed on the bottom of the spiral staircase, using it as an impromptu slide. As a crystal pony came to peek at the fake amp, Applejack placed herself between the pony and the fake amp. "Dun worry, th' Crystal Amplifier will be revealed soon. Why don't y'all go get a beer." After the crystal pony trotted off, she flopped down on her haunches sighing and wiped sweat from her forehead. "Rainbow Dash!", she called out to the cyan pegasus, "C'mere! Ah need ya tuh hol' down things here while Ah help keep these here ponies occupied." "Can do!", Rainbow exclaimed as she flapped over. AJ started to walk off, only to stop in her tracks. "Uh, that cain't be good.", she said as she turned Rainbow's head with a hoof. RD's eyes became pinpricks at the cheap brass horns slowly spreading towards the castle. "You go and help keep the ponies entertained, I've got this on lock down!" Rarity trotted over. "I've run out of T-shirts and had to improvise one with a burlap sack." A crystal pony walked over wearing a burlap sack with a Maretallica iron-on freshly pressed on it. "I made it work." Sparks flew from Twilight's hooves as she slip upwards on the base of the spiral staircase. Reaching the top of the castle, she landed with a thump. "Hot hot hot hot!", she shouted shaking her hooves. "What do you think you're looking at?!", Rainbow shouted, getting up in the face of a crystal pony. Another came to look under the flag hiding the fake amp. "Hey! Get away from there!" She flew over and shoved the crystal pony away. When another crystal pony started to pull the flag off the fake amp, Rainbow grabbed it in her teeth. "I shaid ket akvay shom dere!", she shouted through the mouthful of flag. Rainbow successfully snatched the flag away from the crystal pony and accidentally revealed the false amp. The crowd of crystal ponies who had gathered to watch the struggle gasped as they false amp was revealed. "The Crystal Amplifier!", Twilight gasped seeing the gleaming crystal amp. She reached up a hoof to touch the magical artifact. "It's beautiful!" Veins bulged in Cadances neck and forehead as she struggled to keep the spell up, as sweat poured down her face. "Ngh! Can't...keep...it...up...ngh!" Her eyes rolled up in their sockets as she collapsed from exhaustion. The shield flickered a few times before it dropped. Twilight's eyes became pinpricks when she saw the shield flicker and drop. "Oh no!" She reached up and grabbed the Crystal Amplifier in her hooves. Black crystals and cheap brass horns surrounded her. "Twilight!", Spike shouted as he reached out claw to help the lavender unicorn. Sombra laughed as he manifested from his smoke form and began walking on a rapidly growing dark crystal formation. He placed the flugelhorn to his lips and began playing a wrongteous tune. The crystal ponies screamed in fear as they began trampling away from the *shudder* easy listening. "It's Sombra! Run for your lives!" Twilight cast a teleportation spell and materialized outside the circle of dark crystals and cheap brass horns. A dark magic spell immediately snapped her back into the circle. Tossing the Crystal Amplifier through the gaps in the crystals, she shouted, "Spike! Get this to Cadance!" "What about you?!" "Don't worry about me! I'll figure out a way to get out of here! Go before it's too late!" Spike nodded hesitantly before running to the edge of the castle. Narrowly dodging dark crystal growths, he leapt onto a downward sloping crystal formation and began running as fast as his stumpy legs could carry him. Twilight watched as Spike disappeared from view. "Get there safely.", she whispered. As the dark crystals and cheap brass horns began slowly creeping towards her, she placed a hoof on the silver necklace and closed her eyes. "I love you Thrasher. I don't know how I'm getting out of here." A single tear trickled down her cheek. "Look!" Thrasher shouted as she pointed a hoof at the purple drake with green frills running as hard as he could. "Hold on! I'm-ahhhh!" A growth of dark crystal tripped up Spike. He went into free fall as her plummeted off the castle, desperately grasping at the Crystal Amplifier. "Spike!", Shining Armor shouted looking up. He quickly pulled Cadance up to her hooves. "The Amplifier!", Sombra shouted as he launched himself off the rapidly growing dark crystal formation. Cadance quickly looked around assessing the situation. "Shiny! Stage dive now!" Without a moment's hesitation, Shining Armor hoisted Cadance above his head and she launched herself with renewed strength. Every pony held their breath as the seconds felt like hours as Cadance and Sombra reached their hooves for the Crystal Amplifier. Cadance snatched the amp away with her hooves at the last second and grabbed Spike with her magic. Cadance's landed on the ground, her hooves making a loud crack. Sombra landed on the ground, his hooves making a loud thud. "Good show heir of Mi Amore, but the empire is mine!" Cadance quickly plugged a mic into the Crystal Amplifier and shouted, "Ponies of the Crystal Empire! Unleash your inner metal!" Magical crystal instruments appeared in front of Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Thrasher. Sombra laughed evilly as he lifted a fluelhorn to his lips slowly. Cadance growled dangerously. "This motherfucker is gonna get my metal!" As the six mares began playing, pyrotechnics went off and a banner unfurled reading "On Hoof Death Buck". Cadance raised the mic to her mouth and began singing. This big bully tryin' to shove his hoof in my chest and tell me he's the best I don't give a good Celestia-damn 'cause I got the Crystal Amp and I'm armed real well! I got the Crystal Amp and I'm armed real well! I got the Crystal Amp and I'm armed real wwwwweeeeeelllll! When I grow up, I wanna be a heavy metal princess Oh when I grow up I wanna be a heavy metal princess So nopony fucks with mmmmmeeeeeee! Yeah! I got the crystal ponies at my back And in the empire Ima throw down! Wanna go? Wanna rumble? In the Crystal Empire Ima throwdown! This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal! This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal! This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal! This motherfucker's gonna catch my metal! When I grow up I wanna be a heavy metal princess! Oh! When I grow up I wanna beeee a heavy metal prrrrrriinnnceeeesss! So nopony fucks with meeeeeee! Hah! Sombra found himself being pushed back by the wall of sound. Sneering, he raised the flugelhorn to his lips and a crystal brick slammed into it, shattering it into thousands of pieces. Sombra looked around shocked as crystal ponies started storming forward shouting as one, "This motherfucker's gonna catch our metal!" They began throwing more bricks, bottles, burning torches, pitchforks and a very shocked cat. A crystal pentagram launched from Cadance and slammed into Sombra. "Nnnnnoooooo!", he screamed as his form shattered into millions of pieces. All across the empire the dark crystal formations and cheap brass horns shattered into dust. Twilight gasped in surprise and glee as the formations that were creeping in on her turned to dust. A massive pentagram shot into the sky and spread across the land. Celestia and Luna watched out the window as the pentagram in the sky spread. "I knew Twilight could do it.", Celestia said proudly. Luna said nothing as she gave the metal hoof. That evening Celestia met Twilight. "I'm proud of you my faithful student." Twilight shuffled her hooves. "But I didn't get the Crystal Amplifier to Cadance, I-" Celestia gently placed her hoof on Twilight's lips. "You did what had to as a frontmare. I only told you that you had to make sure the mission was a success and you showed true leadership by making sure it got to Cadance. That's all that matters." The other six mares made their way into the room along with Cadance and Shining Armor. Twilight rushed over and kissed Thrasher, "I've had a rough day." "Need a beer?" Twilight grabbed Thrasher and started pulling her away. "No talking! Bedroom!" "Third door on the left down that hallway!", Cadance called out after the two mares. "You think one day soon I'm going to get a sister-in-law?", Shining Armor asked. "Shut up and kiss me!", Cadance said pressing her lips into Shining's.