One day, in the ville filled with ponies, which is called Ponyville for some reason, I the detective jakkid166 walked through the streets of dirt and grass breathing in the fresh air that is made from 100% natural oxygen (and it is vegan air too which is good cause ponies dont eat meat.) I was currently arrived at the Schoolhouse to give my tutoring of human culture to the small young ponies of the land. But I was coughing a lot today for some reason, porbably because of the smoke factory that got built next to my house yesterday.
I walked into the door and said to Cheerilee "Okay Cheerilee the School Teacher I am here to give the lesson!"
"Good," said Cheerilee. "Class pleas welcome our celebrity guest star Detective jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world!" and the whole class clapped them hooves and I clear my throat.
"Today class," said me, "I teach you about the wonderfuls of human world. You see, the world I come from is a fantasmic place, where people die a lot and make corupt goverments that pretend to be good."
"ooooooo" the pony kids said in fassination.
I cough into my tie and said "And when you in a world as crimey as mine is, you need someone like a Detective to stop the crime from happening. Who here know what a detective is?"
One pony raise her hoof. "A detectiv is a person who uses a detective gun and is called Detective!"
"That is correct," said me. "You get a golden star!" i said and I threw the star at her and one of the pointy edges stuck in her desk.
"Detective jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world," said a pony children, "Can you show us you detective gun??"
"Very well," said me and I pull it outta my sock pocket. The ponies ooooohed and aaaaahed as it glint in the light. "This is the detective gun! Who want a demostration of how it work?"
"YEEEEEAH" shouted the class.
"Cheerilee can you put that appel on your head?" said me.
"Ok sure" said Cheerilee and she did that. the thing i told her to do
I aim my gun at the apple and said to class "Alright watch this class!" and i was abot to fire but I got distracted by coughing. "COUGH COUGH." and my gun misfired and hit the clock on the wall instead. "Oops sorry I am coughy lately. Let me try again." so I point the gun back again, but then I keep coughing.
I bented 54 degrees forward and coughed a bunch really loud and said "Wow this is really annoying" while I was coughing. I coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed and fired the gun everywhere until finaly I coughed and a white ball came outa my face.
"Ewwwww" said the class.
"What hell is that?" said me. I was confused because I hadnt eaten any golf balls in weeks
"Detective jakkid you beter go to the doctor!" said Cheerilee who had a buncha bulet holes in her hair.
"Shit"
~ TIME LATER ~
"Detective jakkid166 this is not good," said Dr. Jackass (he is a donkey so the name is fine.) "These white balls you are coughing up, they are tumors!"
"What is wrong with me doctor?" i said as I cough up a tumor onto his desk.
"I am sorry but this is bad. It seem that you have something even worse than the cold you had last week... you hav a TERMINAL cold!"
"SHIT!" said me. "What does this mean??"
"It mean you have like a week to live," said Jackass. "You better get you shit together. Write your will and sign up to donate your detective organs. And make sure you friends are provided for, just not by cooking meth or something. Don't do that"
"FUCK!" I shout and I put my head in my hands. "I cannot beleve this... how will I solve crimes when I am not alive??"
"I dunno," said Doctor. "But dont worry I am also a funeral holder guy! I can look at my schedul to see when I can hold you funeral for the town."
"Fine," said me. "But I need to say goodbye to my frends first..."
"Thats fine," said him. "But can you try to die on friday? That is the only day I'm not booked."
~ # MINUTES LATER ~
"NOOOOOO!" shouted Twilight sparkel.
"I know," said me. "It is sad."
"What" said Twilight. "Sorry I just died in Binding of Isaac. What were you saying?"
"im dying twilight."
"Oh fuck," said her. "Thats not good either! How cold this happen?!"
"I dont know," said me. "But I need to make sure you all ar provided for before I pass on to the Detective Heaven."
"You right," said Twilight. "But how will we do that? I am broke as shit after that vacation in Pony Vegas."
"Yes," said me, "And the odd of winning the lottery right now are 1 in 14,000,000 instead of 1 in 13,999,999 so its too risky. We need a better way of to get money."
"Hmm." said Twi. "Wait I have an idea."
"What is it"
"I can only tell you if you Detective promise not to arrest me! And Detective promise is legally binding."
"Fine," said me. "Now show me"
Twilight walk me down to her basement. we were in a hurry so twilight pushed me down the stairs and i fell down the like 30 steps and crashed at the floor. I got up and saw this was Twilights Lab, filled with lotsa science stuff like beakers and blowtorches and meth.
"Wait what" said me. "Twilight why do you have METH?"
"Like I said jakkid I am broke," said her. "And jobs is scarce here. So I need to get money to stay alive somehow!"
"But Twilight this is bad!" said me.
"Yeah but im a princess so I can do what I want."
"Oh good point." said me. "But Twilight are you suggest that we cook meth to get money to provide for you guys??"
"Well we also could Rob a bank."
"Hmm true but we dont know anyone named Rob." said me.
"Then we do this instead!"
"Okay fine," said me and I point at the camera. "It look like it is time for me to Break Bad!" and my hair fall out and I grow a mustache and goatee and Twilight did the same thing.
TO BE CONTINUUUUUED