In all tears lingers hope.
- Simone de Beauvoir, unicorn -
Pinkie Pie was looking out the window of Sugarcube Corner. Her heart was full of immeasurable sadness, her face was empty of any smile.
Mr. and Mrs. Cake had never seen Pinkie Pie so devastated.
There had indeed been days when she had shown a long face. And that was quite normal because nopony can avoid life's torments forever. But this time, however, the couple had the dreadful impression that Pinkie had indeed lost her smile forever.
Pinkie had been showing the same injured expression for a week. Since the day Rainbow died.
She had lost everything that made her the bearer of the element of laughter. Her cheerfulness, her good humor and her desire to bring joy into everypony's life, all of that died the moment Rainbow took her last breath.
The first to suffer from her new attitude were the two twins, Pound and Pumpkin. They instantly felt Pinkie's pain as soon as she arrived, early on the morning of the tragedy. She looked tired and infinitely sad. She had gone up to the second floor without even looking at them, the ones she normally considered to be precious brothers and sisters.
At first, Mr. and Mrs. cake were taken aback by Pinkie's strange behavior, but they quickly understood and shared in her grief when they heard the news from Twilight a few hours later as she came by and begged them to spare and support Pinkie as best they could over the next few months.
And since the day of Rainbow’s death, passers-by could often see Pinkie leaning against the window on the second floor of the pastry shop. They even had the impression that her mane and her coat were of a darker shade. Always lying still, silent, her hair hanging in an eerily straight fashion along with her head.
To the disappointment of all those who met her and who knew her reputation, she no longer returned greetings, nor did she smile to those who greeted her politely. Her behavior left more than one perplexed. And as an infection, Pinkie's lethargy and sadness spread to many people in the surrounding area.
Joy and happiness were abandoning Ponyville.
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Pinkie looked out her bedroom window for the umpteenth time, letting her dull look soar over the puddles in the street. For a few days, she had been trying without success to regain her dynamism to get back to work.
When Rainbow died, she took responsibility for the upcoming funeral ceremony.
The despair that had seized her, however, was felt in her work. Her legendary inspiration was dried up and she felt more and more powerless in the face of the deadlines that were fast approaching. After all, she only had two days left to finish everything.
Many things were ready.
The invitations were sent, the seats assigned, but Pinkie just couldn't give the ceremony that original touch that would remind everyone how amazing and flamboyant Rainbow was. Pinkie had vowed to create an event that would live up to the pegasus' reputation.
But she couldn't do it.
Her grief acted like an anchor that pulled her heart towards an abyss of despair that she had never been suspecting before. And as the days went by, discouragement settled in her heart.
The element of laughter was doomed to disappear.
Pinkie sighed and leaned back against the window frame, tears flowing down her cheeks.
She cast an evil glance at the heavy black clouds, high in the sky. They were pouring their own cold and cruel tears over the entire region. Celestia's sun was rarely seen these days, and its absence took away Pinkie’s creativity.
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The hours went by, long and boring.
The bedroom door suddenly opened behind Pinkie who continued to stare down the street, insensitive to the presence of her guests.
A wing-buzzing sound filled the small room as Pound, holding Pumpkin in his arms, came to rest on the bed.
By dint of incessant twittering, they finally caught Pinkie’s attention who, after wiping the tears off her cheeks, finally deigned to take her eyes off the monotonous street for the benefit of her guests.
Pound and Pumpkin were watching her. Pinkie could see the worry on their faces. She sloppily but softly got on the bed next to the fillies.
“I'll be fine, don't you worry you two... I'm just... tired, that's all,” Pinkie said, giving the twins a smile that was not sincere, eyes still reddened with tears that threatened to start flowing again along her cheeks.
They were not fooled.
They threw themselves into the hooves of the mare who, surprised, only caught them at the last moment. In Pinkie’s hooves they multiplied the hugs, their only known recourse against sadness, so much that after a while, Pinkie sketched a small smile. A weak one but genuine.
“Thanks, I needed that,” she said.
She kept them against her for a while. Pound and Pumpkin, proud of their achievement, happily let themselves be rocked and cuddled by the pony until Mr. and Mrs. Cake entered the room.
“Ah, so that's where you two were! Sorry Pinkie,” apologized Mr. Cake. “I hope the twins didn't give you too much of a hard time.”
“Not at all. They are pretty... lively. And right now... I really like lively...” Pinkie said, threatening to burst into tears.
Mr. and Mrs., Cake exchanged a knowing glance. Those of parents worried about their offspring. Pinkie needed comfort, a discussion with her was necessary.
Nodding at her husband, Mrs. Cake begged him to pick up the twins and go down to the first floor while she took care of Pinkie.
“Pound, Pumpkin, let's go make some cupcakes.”
The twins rushed down from Pinkie's bed to follow their father. An embarrassed silence fell between the two ponies once the room was empty. Mrs. Cake sat on the bed taking care not to rush Pinkie.
“How are you doing Pinkie?”
“Super duper really finey Mrs. Cake!” exclaimed Pinkie a little too loud, her voice shaking and showing another fake smile. “I'm super good. Everything's... fine.”
A little bit like Fluttershy, Pinkie was also using her hair to hide her face from Mrs. Cake.
“Pinkie, you know that if something is wrong, you can talk to my husband or me. We feel like you need some help and we would like to help you in any way we can.”
She started rubbing Pinkie's back. Under her hoof, Pinkie was shaking like a leaf and was trying to silence the jolts of her body that were betraying her suffocated sobs.
Pinkie took a few shallow breaths. Then after a short break, she turned her head towards Mrs. Cake, still showing her sinister smile.
“Thanks, Mrs. Cake, but I'm fine. Everything's fine. The preparations are almost done. The ceremony will be... so… fine.”
She didn’t sound convincing.
“Pinkie. Are you really sure you're alright?”
Pinkie didn't answer right away, hidden behind her long, hanging mane. Then she threw herself at her, hugged her, and started crying profusely. In turn, once she got over her surprise, Mrs. Cake gave her a heartfelt hug back.
It was only after a long time, full of comforting caresses, that Pinkie was able to talk again.
“I... I can't do it. It's too hard!”
Mrs. Cake continued to rub the filly's back, encouraging her to tell her more.
“I've tried all I can think of. But I... I can't create a ceremony as awesome as Rainbow was. She should... No! She deserves to have the bestest of all the funeral ceremonies but I... I just can't do it.”
Pinkie looked up at her with tears in her eyes, begging for an answer to calm her anguish.
“Why can't I do it? Why is my special talent so useless right now?”
Mrs. Cake drew a small smile, relieved to have a chance to try to lighten the mood of this mare who so selflessly brought joy to everypony around her.
“You’re hurt, Pinkie. You’ve experienced the biggest shock in your life less than one week ago. You’ll need time to heal completely. It’s normal to feel sad and depressed from time to time, but I think that you’re only focusing on the sadness that Rainbow's death brought into your life. My advice about your ceremony would be to focus on the happy memories of your time with Rainbow. This will help you to get the inspiration you need. Try to take some time to remember all the good times you had with your friend.”
Pinkie remained silent for a moment, considering the advice.
“I… I'll try that,” she said after a little while, busy drying her last tears.
She straightened up and gave Mrs. Cake a little smile.
“Thanks, Mrs. Cake. I feel a little better right now.”
“I'm really happy to hear that Pinkie. And remember, you can always speak to us if you ever need to. We will help you the best we can.”
She hoisted herself out of bed and walked to the door, letting Pinkie meditate on her words. Then, near the exit, she turned back to Pinkie.
“Oh! Pinkie, will you be eating with us tonight?”
Still feeling out of sorts, Pinkie shook her head. She needed to be alone.
“Sorry, I'm not... very hungry. Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass.”
“I understand Pinkie. We’ll keep you a plate, just in case,” said Mrs. Cake just before closing Pinkie’s door.
Alone again, Pinkie trotted to the window, overwhelmed with worries. She was not entirely satisfied with the funeral’s preparations. There was so much to do.
Pinkie tried to put Mrs. Cake's advice into practice. A few anecdotes of her adventures with Rainbow came to mind and even though she did not find her creativity or new ideas to integrate into the ceremony, each of the memories she revisited warmed her heart a little more.
In her darkest periods, Pinkie knew she could always cling to the happy memories of the time when Rainbow was still walking among the living. This idea comforted her somewhat.
She continued to revisit her past in search of the spark that would revive her creativity, her imagination, her spirit.
It didn't work, unfortunately.
She did experience a few fleeting smiles, but her legendary dynamism did not return to illuminate her life as she had hoped.
Her most precious memory was that of that summer when she and Rainbow had spent a whole day, together, without anyone else. They had spent a day making harmless little jokes in every corner of Ponyville.
Scratch-off powder in a bouquet for Rarity, invisible ink in Twilight's inkwell, water-based paint on Applejack's beloved apples, and a fake stuffed animal to destabilize poor Fluttershy.
The highlight of that day had undoubtedly been the trick they had played on Spike, using thunder to scare him. The dragon's uncontrollable hiccups he got soon after had resulted in the instantaneous transport of about twenty scrolls directly to Canterlot.
Even if it had never been proven, Pinkie had heard, to her great joy, that Princess Celestia had been the victim of an avalanche of letters that day.
It was a wonderful memory, a personal memory that belonged only to her... and Rainbow.
But even this feeling could not get her out of her sad lethargy.
Discouraged, a more than familiar feeling lately, Pinkie sat on the wooden ledge of her window, which she opened wide, despite the rain, to let the fresh evening air chase away her dark thoughts.
Just like everyday of the week, it was still raining. Heavy black clouds were massed in the whole sky, roaring.
This time however, Princess Luna’s moon and a few dozen stars were visible in the sky, peaking between the clouds from time to time.
“Rainbow, I could really use some help here...” Pinkie whispered towards the starry sky before singing melancholically. “Don't be a meanie, give me back my creativity...”
Then she waited a long time, again and again, in search of a sign that never came. From time to time, to overcome the boredom, she continued to sing her melody, filling the small room with nostalgic music that, if it didn't talk about death and sadness, would have made a wonderful lullaby.
Soon, Pinkie, exhausted, found herself falling asleep. Fatigue took possession of her being. She closed her eyes, slumped against the beam of her window. She repressed another yawn, raised her eyes to the moon, then stretched, preparing to close the window to go to bed.
She didn't even try to hide her disappointment. Pinkie had hoped that by following Mrs. Cake's advice, some kind of manifestation of Rainbow, one way or another, would come forward and reignite the flame of laughter in her heart. But her hopes had quickly vanished, out of her reach, to join Princess Luna's stars.
“I guess it's my fault. I shouldn't have put so much hope in this.” Pinkie simply said bitterly. “Hey, Rainbow, let's... not do that again... ever. It hurts me too much. We had so many fun memories but thinking about it just makes me sad.”
A gigantic lightning bolt illuminated the sky and came crashing down right in front of Sugarcube Corner, instantly preceded by an intense rumbling sound. Pinkie, shocked, backed away at full speed and crashed on the bedroom floor, eyes turned towards the window, still stunned by the violent shock of the bolt.
Pinkie remained silent for a short while, uncertain, with her fast-beating heart. And then...
“Hic!”
Surprised, Pinkie brought her hooves to her mouth, trying to stop the hiccups of stupor she felt coming from her lower abdomen.
“Hic!”
A shadow of a smile appeared at the corner of her lips.
“Hic!”
Her smile widened with each hiccup that followed, and soon she began to laugh. A melodious, frank, charming laugh. A worthy laugh fitting the element of laughter was heard throughout the room, punctuated by hiccups.
“Ah haha hahaha! Rainbow! Hic! You big... Hic! meanie... You... Hic! You've waited all this time to... Hic! ...to scare me!”
She had to wait several minutes before the hiccups faded and before she could stop laughing. Her mane had recovered its bouncing curves and her body was now a much paler pink than before.
That dose of laughter had done her a lot of good. Hope and creativity had returned in the unexpected form of a flash that reminded her of the trick Rainbow had played on her long before, scaring her in the same way, causing her the same happy hiccups.
“Alright girl! You want it, you get it! We'll see who can best surprise the other, You had your chance, now it's my turn! I'll make you the most super duper awesome funeral ceremony you will ever have the chance to see!” Pinkie shouted, pointing a hoof towards the sky. “Just wait and see, Rainbow!”
She quickly walked to the bedroom door, completely forgetting the late-night hour, she went into the kitchen, opened the stoves, took out bowls, flour, eggs, sugar and a wide variety of ingredients and threw them all over the counter.
“First we'll start with the cake. Oh! Oh! I have so many things to do but I won't fail you Rainbow!”
_________________________
“Urgh...”
While Pinkie was in a much more jovial mood and was designing one of her most important cakes, Twilight, with a terrible migraine, was raging at another piece of parchment that she threw distractingly behind her.
The paper ball landed at the top of the bin already filled to the brim, bounced and then fell on the ground to join about twenty other drafts of speeches on which Twilight had been working for a few moons already.
“It's no use Spike, I can't do it. I just... can't,” sighed Twilight, rubbing her tired eyes with her hoof.
“Of course you can Twilight. You're the best at writing stuff. And if you don't write it, who will?”
“But it's not an ordinary letter Spike, it's a funeral speech. For Rainbow nonetheless. I wasn't prepared for this. At least, not so soon and certainly not like this! This whole situation is… so frustrating! After everything we have endured... together, this is how it ends...”
She started crying again. It was happening quite frequently in the past few days, especially in the late hours of the night when she could let her emotions run free. Alone. Without being pressured by the duty of the royalty, a duty requiring her not to show any emotion that could be associated with weakness.
Twilight had to be strong, even in front of her close friends. Only Spike had witnessed Twilight’s grief and she knew she could count on his discretion and support.
Spike came to take refuge against her side, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace filled with affection.
“Twilight, I can't think of no one better than you to write that speech.”
And he stood by her side, patiently, quietly. He gave the princess all the time she needed to regain the courage required for her painful task.
He fell asleep shortly after against Twilight, he was still only a young dragon after all.
_________________________
Spike woke up with a startle for the fourth time.
This time, however, he was not slumped against Twilight's side, but huddled in his basket, wrapped in a warm blanket. Twilight had made sure he was comfortable while she was writing again.
An obvious failure in light of the new and huge mass of paper, crumpled, scribbled, scratched, which was lying on the floor of the library.
Spike sighed as he saw Twilight standing near her work table, surrounded by candles that had melted to the point of spreading wax all over the table. She had been working all night on her speech if the dark bag under her eyes were of any indication. And the dawn that began to brighten the sky heralded a hard day for the princess.
“Good morning Spike,” Twilight weakly said. “Sorry to bother you so soon but could you write a letter? I need advice from princess Celestia. Last night was not very... fruitful.”
Spike didn't have the heart to refuse her this service. After a series of small growls and yawns, the dragon set out in search of a feather and a scroll, stumbling through the countless drafts of texts that littered the ground.
Thousands of words, carrying intense emotions that would never be heard...
“I'm ready,” Spike simply said, still fighting the sleep that was spreading its grip on him.
Twilight gave him a little smile both to apologize silently and to thank him for his constant efforts. He really was his number one assistant. Without further ado, Twilight began to dictate her letter, adopting a dull tone reflecting her obvious fatigue.
“Dear Princess Celestia...”
_________________________
“… Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. Thanks for your patience Spike, please send it as soon as you can.”
The sun was now shining its first rays in the bookstore, meaning that Princess Celestia had begun her royal duties.
Receiving no answer she turned to Spike who was staring at the long letter he was holding. His gaze impressed Twilight. He seemed shocked, as if struck by a sudden illumination.
“Spike? Is everything alright?”
The dragon laid eyes on her with the same strange expression. He looked at the scroll again and opened his mouth ready to spit his green flame on Twilight's letter and send it to Celestia.
Then he changed his mind.
“Twilight, I won’t send it.”
”What? Why? Is something wrong? What did I do?”
“You... you did nothing wrong Twilight. It's just that I... I think I have an idea. And if it works, we won’t need to send that letter.”
“Oh... Okay then. What is it?”
Spike seemed nervous, he was looking for the exact words, which would allow him to explain his idea, his intuition without it sounding too crazy. Twilight, as for her, was waiting, attentive. Twilight's gaze on him was one filled with insatiable curiosity, but also filled with hope.
And that was what Spike was afraid of.
He knew the extent of the pain Twilight was hiding behind her princess mask. But Twilight's eyes were begging him to reveal the idea that would allow her to get rid of that burden, to evacuate her pain and guilt for having failed to write her farewell draft text.
In the end, Spike finally decided to have trust in Twilight. She would respect his opinion, however foolish it may have been.
“I think you should write your speech as if you were writing a letter... to Rainbow,” said Spike, worried that the princess might not like his suggestion.
To his great surprise, this was not the case. Twilight straightened up, thoughtful. She had spent so much time last night trying to find a way to say goodbye to her friend, but she had never considered writing her a letter. An intimate letter to her deceased friend.
Maybe it was worth a try.
“Thanks, Spike... I think I'll try that.”
She used her magic to rid her office of all the papers that cluttered it, old drafts of text that she had quickly rejected. She kept only the essentials, a blank parchment, her inkwell and her faithful pen.
She was about to write, pen magically raised, when fear paralyzed her.
A drop of ink formed at the end of the pen’s tip and after a few moments that lasted for an eternity, the drop detached itself and crashed into the parchment. Twilight was experiencing the anguish of putting too much hope in a situation that could later plunge her into confusion.
Spike came to stand beside her and put one of his hands on Twilight's shaky hoof. The princess shuddered and then turned her head towards her assistant, to whom she offered a magnificent smile of gratitude. Then after a deep breath, she placed her pen on the parchment and began to write her first words.
Dear Rainbow...
_________________________
Dear Rainbow,
A week ago, you were still walking by our side, more alive than ever, a beacon of excellence and a close friend. A life full of exploits and dreams awaited you. A path in which we were ready to follow you side by side. Six friends united by an indestructible bond.
We had plans, a future traced in the hoofsteps of friendship. But all this was taken away from us, on a tragic day that will remind us all of the fragility of existence. Now, even as the sky weeps with tears in your memory, we struggle to believe the tragedy that took you away from us.
However, you have shown unfailing loyalty to the very end, reminding each of us of the qualities that made you a strong and extraordinary friend, true bearer of a sacred element of harmony. Your courage and sacrifice saved your best friend; Fluttershy, and for that, we will be eternally grateful to you.
We will honor your memory every day, and while you first explore the ends of this other world where we’ll join you one day, joyful and with hearts full of stories to tell you, we solemnly promise to live each day as the last.
We will live our lives as you did, intensely, and proudly represent the elements of harmony that unite us again and forever the same way that you have so faithfully represented the element of loyalty.
On our behalf, Rainbow, allow Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity and me to wish you a safe journey. The tears we shed today, filled with bitter sadness, will turn into tears of joy when we meet again at the end of the rainbow.
Wait for us with the same impatience that we feel at the thought of seeing you again one day. And, while waiting for that moment, let your element live among us. Let it shine in our hearts so that it gives us the courage that guided your steps. Become the light that will illuminate our dark days.
Our friend who is and will always be awesome.
See you someday, Rainbow.
Your eternal friend, Twilight Sparkle.
_________________________
Twilight wiped the tears from her eyes.
She had succeeded. She had completed her speech. Her heart swelled with happiness and she sighed happily. The anxiety and pain in her heart gave way to the hope and love she felt for Rainbow.
Twilight could finally rest while waiting for the funeral the next day. She dropped into her bed, tired from her sleepless night, and fell asleep quietly after a short prayer to Rainbow.
See you someday, Rainbow....