“What are these ones again?”
“Chantenays.”
“Right… and those ones?”
“Imperators.”
“Cool, cool… what about these ones?”
Carrot sighed.
“Nantes, Caramel.”
“Right, thanks,” the stallion replied, flashing a shaky smile. “What about–”
“Those are the Chantenays, just like they were five seconds ago.”
“Oh… oh yeah, my bad,” Caramel said, laughing nervously. For her part, however, Carrot Top wasn’t finding any of this amusing in the slightest, as evidenced by her scarcely concealed annoyance.
“Caramel, you’ve been asking me more questions than I ever thought anypony possibly could ask about carrots for the last half hour. Are you actually planning on buying any, or not?” she testily asked.
Caramel nodded, though his eyes continued rapidly darting from one type of carrot to the other.
“I will, trust me, it’s just… gah, this dinner for Sassy tonight has to be perfect! It’s my first time putting together a homemade dinner for her since we started going out, and I just want to give her a meal she remembers for all the right reasons.”
Carrot tried to offer Caramel a sympathetic look, but truth be told her sympathy was starting to wear thin. She knew that it was hardly unheard of for love-struck ponies to make mountains out of even the smallest of molehills when it came to courting their loved ones, but even so, this was all more than a tad bit ridiculous as far as she was concerned.
“I got it!” Caramel exclaimed. “Which one would you say is the tastiest out of all of them? What’s the most scrumptious carrot you’ve got?”
Carrot groaned in frustration, much to Caramel’s confusion.
“Look, if I’m being perfectly honest with you there’s not all that much difference between how different carrot varieties taste. Don’t get me wrong, I love growing and eating ‘em as much as anyone in my family does, but carrots aren’t like apples or tomatoes. Some are earthier, others are sweeter, some are even sort of peppery, but those distinctions are minimal at best, and virtually nil when they’re cooked.”
Caramel offered a blank stare in return.
“OK, so… which is the tastiest?”
Carrot buried her face in one of her hooves in disbelief, her patience finally at its end. Her impossible customer, for his part, winced when she looked at him once more. If the red-hot glower she was currently shooting straight at him was anything to go by, then Carrot was more than a little bit pissed at the moment.
Just when Caramel was sure she was about to blow up at him, however, she instead snatched his saddlebag right off of his back and started feverishly throwing a wide array of carrots into it.
“Alright lover-boy, pay attention! These orange fellas here are Autumn Kings. As for the rest, the names Lunar White, Atomic Red, Solar Yellow, and Cosmic Purple should be self-explanatory enough, but because I’m feeling extra nice today, I’ll even write them down for ya. Sound good?”
“Um… sure, I guess,” Caramel replied, largely just relieved that she hadn’t given him a tongue-lashing. Carrot promptly dumped Caramel’s now carrot-laden saddlebag back onto his trunk. He groaned as he adjusted to its weight while she scribbled down the names of the different carrot varieties on a scrap of paper, which she deposited into his bag as well as soon as she was done.
“There you go, you can make a real nice carrot stew or salad with all of those. Now then, that’ll be fifteen bits,” she stated.
Beaming, Caramel happily dug up the bits he owed Carrot and hoofed them over.
“Great! Aw thanks a lot Carrot, these all look delicious.”
“You just be sure to put ‘em to good use and give Sassaflash the best dinner you can, got it?”
“I sure will… just as soon as I get my hooves on a cookbook. Say, you wouldn’t happen to sell any of those, would ya?” he asked hopefully.
What he got in return, however, was the most withering glare Carrot could muster.
“Seriously? You don’t even have a cookbook yet?”
After he shook his head in reply, she rolled her eyes and said, “Try the library. I’m sure Twilight will have just what you need at Golden Oaks.”
“Oh wow, that’s a great idea, thanks again, Carrot! You’re a real lifesaver!”
With that, Caramel trotted off as fast as he could, which wasn’t very fast at all given that he was now supporting a very heavy saddlebag full of carrots. As soon as he turned a corner, Carrot let out a long, heavy sigh.
I swear, why do colts always do everything at the last minute? It’s like being master procrastinators is their true special talent. Maybe it’s genetic. Now there’s a frightening thought.
Shaking her head in bemusement, Carrot began securing her vegetable stand, covering and locking away her produce before pulling out an ‘Out to Lunch’ sign. As she finished locking everything up, she heard the fluttering wings of a pegasus lighting down right beside her and turned to find Derpy now next to her.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” Carrot replied, nodding easily in recognition, though internally she was anything but calm, even if her exasperation from a moment ago was now all but forgotten. Although nopony nearby would be able to tell from looking at her, the level of anxiety she currently felt had instantly shot through the roof the second she’d laid eyes on Derpy. They’d missed each other that morning on account of Derpy sleeping in as long as she reasonably could after her late-night rendezvous, so Carrot as of yet had no idea how things had gone with the princess. It was hard to tell from Derpy’s fatigued appearance, but despite the apparent circles residing beneath her eyes, there was a curious smile affixed upon her face, and her eyes seemed aglow with a nervous energy.
“So… how’d everything go last night?” she carefully asked.
“Well. Very well,” Derpy cryptically answered.
“I see. C’mon, let’s go grab some lunch at the Hay Burger. We can talk on the way.”
Carrot beckoned her friend to join her and together the two mares began strolling through the market as leisurely as any pair of friends could on a typical day in Ponyville, though their speech itself was considerably more hushed than one would expect in a seemingly casual conversation. A discerning bystander would have noted the abnormally high amount of times that Carrot’s eyes appeared to grow as large as saucer plates, an occurrence that happened about as often as her jaw dropped as Derpy continued recounting the events of the previous evening to her.
When they arrived at the Hay Burger about five minutes later, they remained outside for a few more moments, having more than enough to discuss with one another.
“Are you actually telling me she’s going to get somepony else involved in all of this?” Carrot hissed with a fair amount of alarm in her voice, shaking her head in utter bewilderment. “That… I’m still shocked that she said yes so easily, but to immediately propose that as well! C’mon, you’re pulling my leg, right?”
Derpy shook her head sharply.
“I was just as surprised as you are, trust me, but that’s what she said, I swear.”
“Sweet Celestia, you’d think a princess would be the one to shoot down an idea like that, not actually propose it! Are… are you absolutely sure she knows what she’s doing? I mean, she has been gone for a long time. A really, really long time. Maybe she, I don’t know, isn’t as prepared as you might think for something like this.”
Derpy tilted her head in confusion at Carrot’s puzzling suggestion.
“What do you mean?”
Carrot bit her lip and stared at the ground as though she were embarrassed by what she was about to say.
“Well, she… I’d never question the competency or ability of a princess to rule. They’ve been doing that for pretty much a hundred lifetimes before you and I were born, even if Luna was gone for a lot of that. But you know as well as I do that Luna was definitely… strange in more than a few ways to say the least at that Nightmare Night two years ago. I think everypony in town would agree about that.”
Derpy snorted at that.
“Oh, come on, Carrot, she was a blast! I’ll grant you that things were a bit awkward at first, but she eventually came around and got the hang of things, and in the end, we had one of our best Nightmare Nights ever. Sounds like somepony’s still sour about the princess accidentally getting a spider on her.”
“It was in my mane, Derpy, my mane! That thing was as big as my hoof and it was in my bucking mane!!” Carrot countered in annoyance, shuddering at the memory. “Thank Celestia it wasn’t poisonous.”
“I should hope not, considering it was a magically enchanted spider toy,” Derpy said, giggling.
“Was a toy, Derpy, was. That thing was definitely real as real could be when it landed on my face,” she firmly asserted. “But that’s beside the point. My point is that Princess Luna still has a lot to learn about how things work in this world. You saw that as much as I did that night, between the weird way she talked and how long it took her to get the hang of things. And that was just holiday festivities we’re talking about, not even close to being as serious as what you’re asking her to get involved in.”
“Carrot, I think you’re being a tad unfair to her. Nightmare Night didn’t exist before Luna was banished, and I can’t begin to imagine how weird it would be coming back after a thousand years to find that there’s a holiday centered around yourself as a terrifying symbol of the night. I’d imagine that’d be just a bit surreal, wouldn’t you?” Derpy asked testily.
Carrot held her forehooves up defensively.
“Look, I swear I’m not trying to badmouth Princess Luna or question her sanity or anything even remotely like that,” she assured Derpy. “But can you tell me with absolute certainty that based on your interactions with the princess you’re positively sure she knows what she’s doing and isn’t going to do something that’s going to get us both in a world of trouble? Please Derpy, no snarky comebacks this time, just your honest judgment.”
Derpy let out a deep sigh, not out of exasperation at Carrot, but rather out of disappointment in herself. Carrot’s fears were hardly unfounded or irrational, especially considering what was at stake, and it wasn’t fair of her to not take them seriously.
“I guess I can’t Carrot, but not because I don’t trust the princess. I simply don’t like trusting or believing in anything with ‘absolute certainty’ these days except for the principles and values closest to my heart. But Princess Luna, she… well, she’s an interesting one, that’s for sure. She wasn’t nearly as awkward as she was the last time we both saw her, but it wasn’t hard to see that there’s a lot she’s still getting used to about our world. It’s funny, though, in many ways seeing her and listening to her last night was like looking at a mirror image of myself.”
Carrot raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“Really now? C’mon Derpy, that sounds like more than a bit of a stretch.”
“No, I really mean it,” Derpy insisted. “You weren’t there, Carrot, you didn’t see what I saw or hear what I heard. Luna was very open and, well… vulnerable with me last night, at least it seemed that way. The things I brought up to her, the Dark Knights and her history with them, it really seemed to affect her. All of that history, the destruction of so many ponies when they tore themselves apart after her corruption and banishment, she clearly feels some major deep-seated guilt over all of that, and really who can blame her? Yet even though I know I’ll never know the burden of as much history as she does and always will, I still know what the weight of a heavy past can feel like, how the worst chapters in your life can oppress your entire soul for years to come.
“For whatever reason we were able to connect over that, and I… well I just kind of knew she’s taking this as seriously as we are. She wants to see this work, Carrot, and wants to do whatever it takes to make it happen. I know I still hardly know her, but I’d like to think I can trust an alicorn princess after she’s given me her word to do everything she can in her power to help me that she knows what she’s doing. Well? Is that good enough for you?”
After a moment’s contemplation Carrot relented, offering a wary nod.
“It is… for now. Hopefully your faith is well-founded and it remains that way going forward. So, any idea who this mystery friend of hers is?”
Derpy shook her head.
“Not a clue. But if she thinks he’s a potential supplier for my activities and willing to do so discretely, then he must be pretty important, connected, and a bit of a wild card who’s unafraid to step out of bounds sometimes.”
“It’s curious that the princess would know somepony like that, much less be friends with them,” Carrot noted.
“Very curious. But then again, Princess Luna’s a pretty curious character herself, so maybe this isn’t as unusual as it might appear at first glance, at least not for her. Whatever the case, right now all I care about is that, whoever it is, they say yes.”
“I suppose that’s all we can hope for right now,” Carrot agreed. “That and that, whoever they are, they know how to keep a secret as well.”
“Well then, here’s hoping,” Derpy said with a smile and as much cheer as she could muster for the sake of Carrot’s nerves. Maybe it was even a little for her own nerves as well, if she was being honest with herself.
Fortuitously, before they could worry themselves any further pondering Luna’s next moves and what might come of them, they were hailed by none other than Cloud Kicker.
“Why hey there, ladies, how’s everypony doing on this fine day we’re having?” she asked as she landed beside them along with Blossomforth and a few other members of the Ponyville Weather Team.
“Right now, I’m cranky and starving,” Carrot dryly replied. “Dealing with lovestruck stallions who can’t even figure out what carrots they want to buy will do that to ya.”
“Oh-ho, what’s this now? Does our dear Carrot have a smitten suitor?” Cloud excitedly asked, waggling her eyebrows in the most salacious manner possible. “Do tell, do tell, I want to hear all the details, especially the dirty ones.”
Burying her face in a hoof, the annoyed mare shot back, “Not me, you nymphomaniac! It was Caramel. He’s making some fancy dinner for Sassaflash and was bothering me at my stand for the last hour. I swear, why does ‘being in love’ make something as simple as buying carrots an impossible task?”
“Well that’s just love for ya, Carrot. It’s the most irrational, illogical thing out there, always has been, always will be,” Blossomforth answered matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, heh, it’s pretty great,” Cloud declared.
Derpy giggled at that blunt assessment while Carrot just shook her head.
“If you say so,” she remarked. Just as Cloud was opening her mouth to say something, Carrot interjected, “And before you proposition me at all, the answer is no as always, Cloud. I’m not going to get love any more than I do now if I shack up with you.”
Blinking in surprise, Cloud turned to Blossomforth and the other weather ponies and asked, “Damn, am I really that predictable?”
Without a second’s hesitation Blossomforth bluntly stated, “I think we all saw it coming from a mile away, sweetie.”
The whole party laughed at that, even Carrot in spite of her currently grouchy temperament. Once they’d all had a good laugh, Blossomforth said, “Well, we should probably head on inside, don’t want to waste our whole lunchbreak after all. You guys wanna grab a bite with us?”
“That sounds like a plan to me,” Derpy said. As they all headed inside the bustling Hay Burger, her thoughts briefly drifted once more to the considerably more serious matters she’d been discussing with Carrot but a few moments earlier.
I trust her. Really, I do. I have to. This whole business was crazy even before I got a princess involved. The only thing that’s changed is that now, for the time being, at least, I have to wait on someone else and have faith that she knows what she’s doing. That she’ll do whatever it takes to get me what I need.
I don’t like the added risks, and I really don’t like that anypony else, much less a princess, is sticking her neck out for me. But I don’t see any other way forward, and now that we’re here, there’s nothing to do but stick along for the ride, wherever it goes.
This friend of hers, though, that’s the wild card I’m worried about. I mean, what if he’s just plain crazy? If he’s crazy enough to say yes to all of this and helping me out, then he’s got to be batty enough as it is. But if he’s just nuts altogether, then, well… that could be a problem. A really big problem.
Gosh, I hope you know what you’re doing, princess. I really, really do.
Luna Moonrise, just what exactly are you getting yourself into?
Alone in one of Canterlot Castle’s dozens of resplendent halls, the princess asked herself a question that had been incessantly buzzing about her mind ever since the previous evening’s rendezvous with Derpy Hooves. Regrettably, the only answer she’d been able to reach thus far had been that she really couldn’t say for sure where this course would lead. That is, if she chose to proceed down it, of course.
Nay, do not think like that. There is no choice to be made, not now, not after you gave her your word. For better or worse, I am now bound by honor to aid her enterprise one way or another, even if that means enticing others to this cause, reckless though it may seem.
She frowned, contemplating the exact individual she had in mind.
Yes, exceptionally reckless indeed in his case.
The individual in question who Luna was currently hunting the castle halls for was Blue Moon, an outlandish character with a well-earned reputation for being eccentric, impolite, and highly temperamental. He also just so happened to be the current head of one of the oldest noble families in Equestria as well as the chief executive officer of their family business, Moon Enterprises.
An unfortunate combination… he’s too volatile for most ponies to get along with, but also important enough that most can’t afford to ignore him. Ah well, at least he has a good heart. If his priorities were as petty as the bulk of Canterlot’s elite, he’d be one of the worst of the whole lot of them. But everything I’ve observed of Blue since my return has left me fairly confident that his intentions are pure and true; this is a pony with the means to make the world a better place who intends to do just that, an all-too rare quantity indeed.
Luna had not lightly formed such an opinion regarding Blue Moon. The fact that he was a Moon to begin with certainly didn’t hurt; before her banishment, the Moon family had long fostered close relations with the princess while also doing much to enrich Equestrian society. That Blue would do the same was hardly surprising, but nonetheless Luna had to admit that he’d proven himself an exceptional quantity since first meeting her. In the days following her return and redemption, droves of sycophantic nobles had swarmed her once she finally rejoined her sister at the Canterlot Court, seeking to curry favor with her in order to advance all manner of agendas. It had all been quite overwhelming yet also depressingly familiar, to say the least.
Blue Moon, however, took a rather different approach when it came time to introduce himself. Though his reputation for exhibiting cavalier behavior was not baseless, it was not the sum of his nature. With Luna, he’d displayed a remarkable amount of care and thought in his conduct, quietly setting up a meeting with her in the solitude of the castle gardens, away from the chaos of the royal court. Though a bit put-off by the unusual circumstances of their meeting at first, Luna eventually acquiesced after some gentle nudging from her sister, and when they finally did meet, Luna found not a pony seeking to gain favors, but one more interested in conversation and fellowship instead.
He proved to be very sensitive to how alien most aspects of Equestrian society were for her after being absent from it for a thousand years, and had done what he could to help her acclimate to her new environment. Private conversations, dinners with his family, and even trips to cities throughout Equestria had done wonders for helping Luna adjust to and better understand the present state of her kingdom and the world at large. As a result, she could also state with certainty that Blue, by this point, was in fact one of her few actually close friends in this day and age, something that Luna made certain she did not take for granted.
Still, despite her utmost confidence in the sincerity of his friendship and good nature, that didn’t make the prospect of seeking his aid in this particular matter any less nerve-racking. Delicate affairs tended to get only more complicated when Blue got involved in them.
Honestly, most of that stallion’s affairs wouldn’t be half as difficult as they usually are if he weren’t so headstrong. His candor and laid-back personality may be a breath of fresh air compared to the conceitedness of so many other Canterlot nobles, but it certainly hasn’t helped him gain ponies to back his causes either when it’s mattered most. I mean, sure, he’s right most of the time, but it is one thing to be right about something and another thing to convince others that you are. Blue could stand to learn a thing or two about catching flies with brine rather than caramel. Is that how that newfangled saying goes? Yes, I think so. Contemporary expressions are so odd, sometimes.
“Your Majesty?”
Luna blinked in surprise, her train of thought derailed by a vaguely familiar voice. Glancing to her immediate left, she spotted one of the Royal Guard’s more renowned officers from the pegasi ranks, Nimbus Gust.
“Ah, Major Gust, my apologies, I did not see you there.”
In Luna’s defense, it was all too easy to overlook many ponies when most were at least a head shorter than her. Nevertheless, she chided herself for allowing her anxiety to so heavily distract her. She needed to be as focused as possible right now if she wanted things to go smoothly.
“No harm, no foul, Your Majesty. Are you looking for something? You seemed to be quite deep in thought.”
“Oh, I was simply looking for Royal Guard High Command. I was told they were meeting somewhere in this wing of the castle.”
“Well then, it’s fortunate that you ran into me. They’re right inside there.” Nimbus nodded, indicating a pair of doors adjacent to the both of them.
“Truly? Fortune smiles upon me indeed, thank you, major! If I’m being perfectly honest, I may have been just a tad bit lost. This castle is so much larger and labyrinthine than the one my sister and I shared prior to my exile, it’s astonishing anypony knows where they’re going.”
“It can be pretty overwhelming at times, yes,” Nimbus agreed, offering a sympathetic smile to the diarch. “So… are you hoping to join their meeting?” she asked carefully.
“Join? Oh, no, no, no, that… nay, that was not my intent today.”
“Pity,” Nimbus bluntly remarked.
Luna shifted uncomfortably where she stood, the guardspony’s disappointment in her response palpable.
“My sister has a longstanding policy of… taking a ‘back-seat’ approach to High Command’s general activities, and I wish to reflect that policy. We’ll directly intervene in more urgent matters of the utmost importance regarding our national security, but daily affairs and inner politics we… well, we leave to you, as I understand it. There is a certain level of wisdom to such an approach, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I’m well aware of the virtues of your benign command of the Guard, yes. The level of autonomy you afford to us is very much appreciated, believe me. That said, at the end of the day, we are still servants of both Equestria and Your Majesties; some of us could stand to be reminded of that more often these days. Our internal politics have been particularly petty as of late in many respects, to the detriment of several important projects.”
Luna was somewhat taken aback by the major’s candidness, though she didn’t necessarily disapprove of it. The Royal Guard’s upper echelon, she had found, had become just as entrenched in Canterlot politics and social affairs over the centuries as its nobility was, a fact that she regarded as rather annoying. While as a whole the institution was as sound as it’d ever been, many of the Guard’s highest-ranking officers engaged far too often in catty disputes with one another, seemingly more concerned with preserving or advancing their own standing and levels of influence than actually guaranteeing Equestria’s safety.
It was certainly encouraging to see that there were officers like Nimbus who deplored this frivolous infighting, but at the same time it made her all the more frustrated with her and her sister’s own inaction in the face of it. She knew quite well from past experience how effective a firmer hoof could be at quelling such needless nonsense.
Nay, you mustn’t think such thoughts. Things aren’t as they used to be, and I cannot simply force my will upon the Guard like some pompous despot. If I am to take any steps to change the way it functions, I must do it together with Tia. I cannot, must not act without her.
But do you really believe that, when you’re doing just that with Derpy Hooves? Going behind your own sister’s back in enabling someone to dole out their own notion of justice to others, isn’t that exactly the type of rampant behavior you’ve been trying to avoid? Or are you simply trying to prove something?
Well… well maybe I am. And what if I am? I’m not trying to sate my own ego. And I’m not trying to prove something to Tia, or the Royal Court, or anypony else. All I want is to answer Celestia’s challenge, to prove to myself that I can uplift and enlighten my subjects and allow them to do the same for me. It has to start somewhere, and maybe this is where it needs to start with me. But if things go wrong–
Luna’s contemplative introspection was brought to an abrupt halt by the doors mere feet away from her practically exploding off their hinges. The princess instinctively jumped where she stood and lit her horn, assuming a defensive posture. Next to her, however, Major Gust simply stood rigid as a board and scowled at the source of the disturbance, a diminutive and absolutely incensed unicorn with a terracotta-coat and short, disheveled mane whose cobalt color bespoke his name.
“Damn it, Blue, was that really necessary?” Nimbus asked.
“No, but it felt good,” Blue Moon dryly responded before sharply turning back to the room he’d just stormed out of. Behind him, most of Equestria’s highest ranking military officers were either gaping at him in disbelief or glaring at him with a mixture of shock and fury, though any anger they showed paled in comparison to the fire in Blue’s eyes. Aides from Moon Enterprises were presently scrambling to collect whatever it was they’d been presenting to High Command, but Blue ignored their frantic activity and seemed to shoot daggers at the contingent of unicorn officers on the far side of the room. His ire especially seemed fixated on one figure in particular, a heather-colored unicorn who, unlike his more indignant colleagues around him, appeared altogether composed, and even somewhat amused.
“I’ve had just about enough of you miserable, treacherous bastards! Everyone else in this room are trying to be adults while the lot of you are treating matters of national security like a bucking pissing contest. But you disappoint me the most, Fervent. I would think you of all creatures wouldn’t be one to tolerate this petty shit, but instead you’re the bucking ringleader of this entire farce. It’s just plain disgraceful, is what it is.”
Lieutenant Commander Fervent Quest just rolled his eyes at Blue Moon’s outburst, clearly having weathered his fair share of them.
“Oh, stop being so sanctimonious, Mister Moon. You’ve continually failed to address well-warranted concerns that we’ve repeatedly raised about your prototype technologies, and until you do, our position is–”
“That’s just a damn piss-poor copout and you know it!”
“Our position is clear. There will be no field-testing of Moon Enterprises streamlined weapons systems until you can offer High Command confirmation that they will not represent a potential threat to the authority of the Equestrian government or military. We need fail-safes, Moon, not mere assurances that there’s nothing to worry about.”
“And then what, eh? You expect me to believe you’ll greenlight everything if I come back with every single failsafe one could possibly imagine? The world’s changing, Fervent, far faster than any of you are willing to accept, and you’re so terrified of it all, so unwilling to accept the reality of any of it, that you’re content to simply stick your heads in the sand and blissfully hope that the way we’ve always done things will continue to carry us into tomorrow.
“I refuse to believe that fool’s dream, not after the amount of times Equestria’s flirted with disaster in recent years. We either adapt or die, and yes, the changes we need to make will at times be risky, scary even in some of their unintended consequences, but every major shift in society comes with that kind of baggage. Better to adapt while we still can, even if it means sacrificing some old things we’re very comfortable with and plowing ahead into an uncertain future, than standing around and doing nothing until all we’re left with, all our families and friends, cities, traditions, customs, and mores, are all reduced to a pile of ash.
“When you’re ready to play the part of adults and make those hard choices with me, let me know. You know where to find me. Until then, you can kiss my ass when you’re done kissing each other’s, you bunch of dickless horn-heads.”
With that parting tirade, Blue Moon stormed past a wide-eyed Princess Luna and evidently exasperated Nimbus Gust, his aides frantically following in his wake, leaving behind a room full of slack-jawed ponies with shocked or outraged visages fixed upon their faces. For his part, Fervent Quest still appeared to be simply annoyed more than anything else, but when he noticed a royal guest standing in the doorway, he hurried from his seat to greet her.
“Ah, Your Majesty, when did you get here? I’m terribly sorry, nay, I beg a thousand pardons that you had to witness that… most unfortunate outburst. Politics are such a dreadfully nasty affair all too often, I’m afraid, and that was most certainly the case just now.”
Internally, Luna bristled at Fervent Quest’s greeting and had to put forth an extra effort to maintain her composed demeanor.
‘Politics are such a dreadfully nasty affair,’ doth thou think we are a newborn foal! We were leading armies and vanquishing terrors thou canst not even dream of a hundred lifetimes before thou were even a sparkle in thy mother’s eye, and thou supposes to warn us of the coarseness of politics?! Insolent, naïve, patronizing dolt, we… we… I… steady Luna, steady.
“It’s quite alright, Commander Quest, hardly my first exposure to the uglier side of politics. I’m afraid I only just arrived at the very tail end of your meeting, and unfortunately the pony I sought just stormed off.”
“Moon? Tempestuous colt, what’d he do now?”
“Oh, nothing really. I… simply wanted to seek his counsel on a certain matter.”
A sharply raised eyebrow clearly demonstrated how skeptical Fervent was of the notion of anypony seeking Blue Moon’s advice for anything, much less royalty.
“Truly? That seems… ill-advised.”
“Now, now, Commander, it’s hardly our place to question the company Princess Luna keeps.”
The trio of ponies turned to see Tornado Kicker coming over from High Command’s contingent of pegasi, bowing his head respectably as he neared Princess Luna.
“Besides, despite his quirks and temper, you cannot deny that ol’ Blue’s proven to be quite an exceptional confidant to our dear princess.”
Fervent merely shrugged at Tornado’s point, but carefully conceded, “I suppose you’re right that he has been rather devoted to her. With that being said, I’m afraid I couldn’t possibly tell you where he’s gone off to sulk, Your Majesty. We’re not exactly close, he and I. Seeing as I’m unable to help you in this enterprise, with your permission, I shall take my leave.”
Luna nodded.
“Of course, Commander, by all means. I bid thee farewell.”
Fervent bowed once more and departed, a number of his subordinates among the unicorns following his lead. Despite the pleasantries exchanged, Luna was troubled by the bitter bickering she’d just witnessed. A certain amount of healthy debate was to be expected in matters of national importance, but what she’d seen was more akin to foalish quarreling than anything else. She wondered if Celestia was fully informed regarding these troubling circumstances and made a mental note to take it up with her the next time they spoke. For the moment, however, she had other business to attend to.
“Hello there, dear, how goes it?” Tornado Kicker asked his wife, greeting her with a subdued, tender nuzzle that she returned in kind.
“Oh, just fine, Tor, just fine. Took care of all of today’s duties with Machwing and finished a tad early, so figured I’d save you a trip and meet you in Canterlot.”
“Heheh, couldn’t wait to pick up your date, huh?” Tornado remarked, winking at her. Nimbus rolled her eyes at that, but couldn’t stymy a slight chuckle of her own either.
“Come now, Tor, now’s hardly the time to be an incorrigible flirt.”
She nodded towards their hard-to-miss royal guest, which seemed to elicit both a slight blush of embarrassment as well as a more serious disposition from Tornado.
“Sorry, Your Majesty, didn’t mean to slight you like that. Bad form on my part. Now then, you said you were hoping to meet with Blue, correct?”
“I did. Would you perchance be able to tell me where I might find him?”
Much to Luna’s dismay, Tornado shook his head.
“My apologies, princess. Blue and I don’t mingle much outside of our regular dinner parties, but those are always at our homes. I haven’t the slightest idea where he might be, which is probably a good thing. When he gets in a bad enough mood, chances are he’ll take his frustrations out on some poor dive’s liquor cabinet.”
“Oh, that’s rubbish. Honestly Tor, you really need to do a better job of keeping up with our friend’s affairs,” Nimbus asserted before turning back to the princess. “I can take you to where he is, Your Majesty. Trust me, I know exactly where he went.”
Not one to question a mare who seemed as practical and straight-shooting as Nimbus did, Luna nodded and simply said, “Lead the way, then, major. I am in your hooves.”
Before Tornado could get another word out, Nimbus lightly pecked him on the cheek and began to trot away, with the princess following closely behind her.
“Don’t worry, Tor, I won’t be too long. We’ll have plenty of time yet for date night.”
With a final parting wink, Nimbus led Luna away from her grinning husband, whose cheeks had already reddened in the wake of Nimbus’s teasing farewell.
“Um… are you quite sure he’s here?”
“Positive.”
“Odd. It’s just, I had expected something more akin to one of Canterlot’s pubs, or even some out-of-the-way dive. What with his reputation and all.”
“And back in the day Blue would’ve been in just such an establishment, believe me. But he hasn’t gone on a bar spree in at least a year.”
“Might I ask why?”
“His wife. I’ll leave it to him to explain the details to you, Your Majesty, if he’s willing to share them of course, but knowing Blue I doubt that’ll be an issue.”
“But… a Hay Burger? Really? He’s actually in there?”
“Been his go-to guilty pleasure for quite some time, especially when he’s in a rotten mood. Believe me, princess, if I could explain it I would, but Blue’s just always been an oddball like that.”
“On that much we are at least agreed,” Luna remarked, eyeing the unassuming fast food establishment with curiosity.
“Well, come on, no sense in standing out here. I’ll take you to him,” Nimbus stated, heading towards the entrance.
“W-we’re not going to cause a scene, are we? I am a bit conspicuous, after all.”
Nimbus only offered a modest shrug.
“Probably, but you’re not going to let a few fawning subjects keep you away, now, will you?”
“Well no, but… I will seem a bit out of place, will I not?”
“So what? You may be a princess, but you’re also a citizen just like any other pony in there. Far as I’m concerned, you can go wherever you please.”
Luna was starting to warm up to Nimbus’s unusual level of frankness. It wasn’t hard to understand why Blue had always spoken so highly of her in their past conversations. Before she could protest any further, Nimbus offered one last concession.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep any nosy onlookers at bay, I promise. On my honor as a Royal Guard.”
The princess dithered but a moment more until finally, bolstered by Nimbus’s reassurances, she straightened herself up, took a few deep breaths, and with freshly steeled resolve advanced upon the foreboding entryway.
Alright Luna, you’ve got this. Take it one step at a time, and just… play it cool. Yes, that’s right. Play it cool. Be at ease. And whatever you do, don’t draw attention to yourself.
Standing in the doorway, Luna braced herself for the worst. After an awkward minute of tentatively hovering in place, however, she was pleasantly surprised to find that, instead of a gawking drove of onlookers, all that greeted her - for the moment, at least - was a welcome silence. Aside from a few curious glances, most of the ponies inside simply stood in line placing their orders or sat quietly at their tables, chatting amongst themselves while they waited for or ate their food. In short, things were about as normal as she could possibly hope for.
Huh… well this is unexpected. Not that I’m complaining, to be sure. It’s honestly a relief to see my fears were completely unfounded. Although… even if they were realized, so what? Who cares what the denizens of this establishment think? As the major put it, they’re just ponies like you, after all, and you a pony like the rest of them.
“Ummmmm… excuse me.”
Besides, you have faced horrors the likes of which most of them could never dream of, not even in their wildest imaginations.
“P-p-princess?”
Monstrous beasts, armies opposed to all things good and true, the lord of chaos himself, and the deepest, darkest desires of my very own heart! What indeed are these piddling anxieties next to such adversaries?
“W-watch your step, ma’am, uh, that is, I mean princess, the floor’s a bit–”
Aye, ‘tis but a… a slice of cake, as the modern expression puts it. And like Celestia, I too shall devour it with the utmost relish. Look out, Hay Burgers of Equestria, here comes Luna, and she’s ready to –
“Ack!” the princess shrieked in a definitively unregal manner as the floor seemed to give out beneath her hooves. Before she had the mind to even wonder what was happening, she spectacularly face-planted on the floor in front of her, wings reflexively splaying apart and flank hanging in the air. Putting it mildly, it made for a most undignified display, even by Hay Burger’s standards.
Even before she’d gotten over her initial shock and regained her bearings, Luna could feel the stares. Looking up, a brief survey confirmed her dreaded suspicions; every eye in the room was now firmly fixed upon her. Wide eyes, gaping mouths (some full of half-chewed food) and an unbearably awkward silence that now hung in the air were all undoubtedly derived from the elephant in the room, or rather, the alicorn on the floor.
Feeling her cheeks already starting to redden, Luna avoided the stares as best she could under the present circumstances by fixing her eyes on the floor in front of her. It was only then that she noticed the slick spot that she’d evidently just slipped on.
Ah… the treacherous culprit, I see. Now it simply lays there taunting me, the damned spot.
Morosely glancing to her right, the hapless princess also perceived a pimply-faced, slack jawed unicorn holding a mop and wet floor sign in his magic. The poor bus colt appeared to be even more dumbfounded than Luna was, if that was even possible, and it looked like all the color had drained from his violet face.
So that’s my would-be savior? The poor thing, he’s but a stripling and was only trying to fulfill his duties. It’s not his fault I was too absent-minded to even heed his warnings. But now he’s left standing here as though struck by lightning, bearing a face that just screams, ‘Please, please, please don’t fire me! This is my first job and nothing in its description said anything about a princess of Equestria tumbling into a heap right in front of me because she was too dense to even notice me or the enormous wet spot I tried to warn her about.’
I really must say something to his manager; ‘twould be shameful if my bungling carelessness were responsible for somepony losing their job. Regrettably, that entails getting up.
On second thought, maybe I’ll just stay down here a little while longer. Let’s say… until the earth swallows me up. I’m sure by then everypony here will have forgotten this entire episode as though it were naught but a bad dream. Oh, who am I kidding? I could only wish to ever be so lucky.
Despite wanting nothing more than a rock large enough to hide herself under, Luna presently became aware of a helping hoof being proffered by Major Gust and gratefully accepted it, gingerly lifting herself up. Of course, that didn’t change the troublesome fact that everypony looked ready to mob her with unnecessary aid and a barrage of questions, but all Luna could really do about that was brace herself for the inevitable torrent. It’d be coming, oh, any second now, if she had to guess.
Then, glorious salvation!
“For buck’s sake, princess, you really need to watch where you’re stepping! You’ll scare half of Equestria to death if you’re constantly tripping like you’ve got four left hooves.”
Well, in a manner of speaking. It was Blue, looking fairly less wound up than he’d been after storming out of the High Command meeting. He had his usual, devil-may-care air about him that’d left such an impression upon Luna the first time they’d met. It was simultaneously his true nature, but also, as she’d quickly learned, a lie. Well, lie wasn’t quite the right word for it. A calculated deception was a more accurate way of putting it.
Truthfully, Blue Moon was indeed uncommonly candid by nature, to the point that most ponies simply believed he had no filter whatsoever. It was this belief, however, this public perception that Blue used to his advantage, and so, he was disingenuously transparent to most ponies whenever it suited him; yet, as Luna had very quickly grasped shortly after befriending him, these deceptions were not committed with malicious motivations in mind. He simply preferred concealing the more serious aspects of his character, for a variety of reasons, both personal and professional.
In this particular instance, it was clear that he was deliberately playing the brazen, inconsiderate fool only to draw attention away from the embarrassed princess in order to spare her enduring any further discomfort. Judging by the stares and, in some cases, angry glares he was already receiving, it was working like a charm, but he didn’t mind; that was just his own odd way of being considerate.
“Well, come on then, don’t just stand there like a couple of yokels, you two,” he continued, talking as though they were the only ponies in the room. “Grab a seat. Er, maybe two in your case, Luna, these chairs aren’t exactly built to accommodate alicorns.”
“Hey.”
“Hmmmm… on second thought, scratch the seats, you might be better off just standing instead.”
“Hey, buddy.”
“Though I suppose if you’re feeling unsteady after that spill, you could always use the table as a recliner. It’s a bit unorthodox but I doubt the management in here would offer any objections. You could probably dance on the bucking thing like a mare in heat and not hear a peep out of ‘em.”
“Hey pal, I’m talkin’ to ya!” a broad-chested construction worker barked at Blue.
“Hm? Can I help you?” Blue asked with only tepid interest.
“Yeah, you can start by shutting your gob, after you’ve apologized to the princess. Unless of course you’d prefer my friends and I teach you a lesson in manners,” the earth pony foreman warned, indicating a couple of tables behind him occupied by about a dozen other construction workers, all of whom looked as burly and pissed off as he was.
Oh wonderful, now you’ve really gone and done it, Blue. It wasn’t enough that you took everypony’s eyes off of me, you just had to keep going and make a whole scene. Now all Tartarus is about to break loose.
Blue, however, remained unfazed and didn’t miss a beat.
“Ah, the chivalrous sort, I see! That is extremely commendable, you just don’t see that enough nowadays. Sirs, I like the cut of your jib; you’re exactly the sort of fellows I like having in Moon Enterprises. What do you say you come work for me, eh?”
The foreman blinked and tilted his head, his expression shifting from one of anger to puzzlement.
“Wait, what?”
“Now I don’t have any particular jobs in mind off the top of my head, but I’m sure if you speak with some of my assistants, we can easily get you set up with something. Celestia knows we’re always building something around there. So, how ‘bout it?”
“What the hay are you talking about?”
“Ah, playing hardball, huh? You’re a tough nut to crack, but I can respect that. Very well, whatever you got paid on your last job, I’ll double it, and if you’re currently contracted with someone else already, I’ll triple it if you come and work for me instead! Bring however many members of your crew you’d like, the more the merrier.”
“Well, I, uh… um… you’ve got yourself a deal?”
“Splendid! Now then, here’s my card. In fact, have a whole stack of ‘em, plenty more where those came from. I’ve got to meet with my friends over there, but just come to Moon Enterprises tomorrow and we’ll figure out a good job for all of you. Just tell the front desk you’re the honorable chaps I met at Hay Burger and present my card and some form of identification, they’ll know by then who you are and to send you up. Until then, gentlecolts, I bid thee farewell.”
“Uh, right… I’ll be sure to talk to the guys and figure something out. See you later, mister. I guess.”
Just like that, the entire situation had been defused. By this point nopony besides Blue seemed to have any idea what had just happened; most now seemed engrossed with trying to figure out just who the fast-talking unicorn was, and the foreman and his coworkers for their part simply appeared dumbfounded, probably from trying to wrap their heads around just how much money Blue was offering them, or why he even was in the first place. Blue just allowed himself a self-satisfied smile, shot a cheery wink at Luna and Nimbus, and beckoned them to follow him.
“Alright you two, come on,” he said, heading towards a table at the back of the joint with his friends in tow. All things considered, it was about as isolated a spot as you could find in the Hay Burger, though just as Blue had feared, the seats were in fact too small for the princess. She elected to simply remain standing rather than follow any of Blue’s more outlandish suggestions. She didn’t mind; it certainly wasn’t the first time a chair had been too small to accommodate her.
“So,” Blue began, “what can I get you, ladies? My treat, and don’t say no; it’s rude to take up a table and not order anything.”
“Nothing for me today, my friend, though I wish I could stay,” Nimbus stated apologetically. “I’m afraid I was merely our fair princess’s escort in this matter; she needed to meet with you but didn’t have the faintest idea where you’d stormed off to after your temper got the better of you. I figured this was the most likely place you’d gone so offered to lead her to you. Now that I’ve fulfilled my duty, I shall be off; besides, I was under the impression that Princess Luna wished to meet with you privately. Isn’t that right, Your Majesty?”
Luna nodded.
“Indeed. The major speaks the truth, Blue.”
“Fair enough. Wouldn’t want you to be late for your hot date with Tor, after all, eh Nimbus?”
Blue shamelessly waggled his eyebrows and flashed a most devilish grin at Nimbus, who in turn just rolled her eyes, but nonetheless couldn’t conceal the faintest of smirks.
“Goodbye, Blue, and try to act with some level of decorum, at least. I’ll hear about it if you don’t. Your Majesty, with your permission, I will take my leave.”
Luna waved her hoof in assent, though felt silly doing so given their surroundings.
“You’re dismissed, major, and thank you again for your assistance. I’d surely never have found him without your help.”
“Bye Nimbus, don’t forget to drink plenty of liquids,” Blue called out, eliciting a rather noticeable blush from the princess.
“Blue,” Nimbus said in a warning tone.
“Sorry, sorry, I’ll behave. Now go on, shoo, shoo! And do tell Tor we must have dinner again sometime soon. Azalea’s been dying to see you and I could go for a double date myself.”
“Will do, Blue. Send Azalea my regards, and farewell.”
As the major finally departed from the Hay Burger, Blue turned his attention back to the princess, scrutinizing her with an inquisitive gaze.
“And then there were two,” he remarked. “A most curious pair indeed. So, princess, what can this humble servant of yours do for you today, hm?”
Luna’s chest tightened upon the alarming realization that she had no earthly clue as to how to best broach the subject she’d come to discuss. She’d been so absorbed with tracking Blue down that she’d completely lost sight of formulating a feasible plan of action.
Well, isn’t this just grand? Alright, don’t panic, just… stall him while you come up with something. Look for an opportune moment to bring it up. Whatever you do, don’t just blab about it all at once; even a pony as eccentric as Blue wouldn’t go for such a preposterous-sounding venture as the one you’ve got in mind if you just proposed it out of nowhere like a raving lunatic. Think, think, think.
Locking her eyes on their table, her mind scrambling like a schoolfilly struggling to answer a challenging question in class as she tried to come up with something, Luna noticed a disheveled assortment of food, napkins, wrappers, and a rather large, half-full milkshake. It all looked decidedly unhealthy to say the least, but suddenly the sight of the messy display gave her a fairly novel idea.
“Well, you see Blue, I… I was thinking we’d start with something to eat, as you suggested. What, er, refreshments would you recommend from this fine establishment, if I may ask?”
Blue positively glowed with delight upon hearing that.
“Oh, this is going to be fun. This is going to be so much fun. One moment, your highness, I’ll be right back.”
The unicorn dashed back to the front of the Hay Burger as fast as he could, leaving behind a now very concerned princess.
Oh dear… that level of enthusiasm from Blue is very worrisome. Very worrisome, indeed.
As though attempting to allay her fears, her stomach abruptly growled at her.
Well, I suppose I am hungry, at least. Besides, how bad could it really be?