Everything was packed and ready to go. I was spending my final night living at home. It wasn't like I was going to be far away, or that I wasn't going to visit my parents on a regular basis, but this felt like my final evening before going out into the wide world.
I wouldn't be returning home for the summer. My mother had made it clear that she expected me to be out on my own from here on out. I still had her as a safety net, and she would be paying for deposit and first few months rent for me for an apartment when school let out- if I wasn't immediately able to sustain it with some roommates, but she expected me to figure it out after that. I needed to learn to be an independent adult. My scholarships paid enough that I could put some money towards rent next year instead of paying for dorms, but I'd still need to get a job to support some of it. I didn't doubt that she'd let me return home if it all fell apart, but the expectation was I would still make a full effort to make it work.
Well, if I became a Dreamwarden I would get paid for that. Dreamwardens were listed as OMMR agents, and paid accordingly. It wasn't a top paying job, but it was plenty to live off of; enough to cover rent, utilities, and food, just so long as I didn't splurge on anything. I'd make far more as an architect than I could as a Dreamwarden, once I graduated and found work in my field. But my future status as a Dreamwarden was still questionable anyway, on both my end and the Dreamwardens'.
My stepdad prepared a big dinner, with eggplant casserole, mac n' cheese, side salads, and they even poured me a glass of champagne. My parents had let me have champagne previously on special occasions- like New Year's Eve, the last two Thanksgivings, and my most recent birthday. I didn't like it as much as just plain fruit juices. It wasn't horrible, but I doubted I'd ever have a strong craving for it. I did appreciate the gesture of having It served, and how it marked this as a special night. My stepdad took the special meals very seriously.
Conversation around the table that evening didn't touch on subjects of Dreamwardens or powers. We talked about whether I was excited or nervous (I was a bit of both). We talked about the classes I was going to be taking for the first semester. My stepdad talked about his job a little. My mom didn't really talk too much about her own job, as she rarely did, but she talked about conversations she had with friends. There was a brief mention that they'd be visiting Melissa and Locutus of Bear's house in a few days for dinner, but nothing else was said about that. It was just a normal conversation one might expect the night before someone was going off to college. I might have teared up at some point from emotion, but this was still a happy time.
I went to bed a little early that evening, knowing I had to get up early. Actually falling asleep still ended up being a difficult proposition. I went to bed around nine, and was so full of nervous energy that I found it hard to sleep. I even took steps to burn off some energy and make myself a little more sleepy, but even doing those things it was nearly midnight before the Sandman finally decided to visit me.
Once dreaming, my first impulse was to reach out to Miss Seapony, but I stopped myself. I had told Jess that I'd talk to the Arbiter about pretending to be her tomorrow. I wasn't sure when I was going to have time to do this thing, given I had to move into the dorms tomorrow and get settled, but it meant a lot to my friend, and I wanted to do what I could.
"Rebecca Riddle, it's a surprise to have you desiring my company," Arbiter's voice rang out.
I found myself in what looked like a pearly white temple, with big marble columns on either side of me, and open blue skies beyond them. The ceiling was a simple white dome, and in front of me was a silver throne with Arbiter sitting on it while looking at me. Even though it seemed to be daytime she had a pair of fire filled braziers to either side of her, and her bronze staff stood perfect in one hand as she leaned against the side of the chair. There was no other decoration, but there was a sense of power about the place. She sat smiling, and waiting for me to speak.
"Hi there," I began, not used to greeting any Dreamwarden but Miss Seapony in a dream. "Do you think this place might be a little much?"
She shrugged in a very undignified way, but kept smiling. "Maybe for a casual chat perhaps, but when someone intends to entreat upon me for something it is best to remind them who they are dealing with. It helps discourage the more petty requests if people are at least a little intimidated by their surroundings. I don't mind listening to and doing what I can to help, but you'd be surprised at the absurd requests we get sometimes."
"Like what?" I asked, not used to hearing about this aspect of being a Dreamwarden.
She waved a hand. "It goes without saying that I can’t get into any specifics but I get plenty of requests for things that would be violations of my oaths, others I would never consider doing, and things where they must think I can just wave my hands and make anything happen. These range from requests to force someone to fall in love with them, make them rich, make their bosses nicer to them, tell them other people's secrets, or just grant them magic good luck. I let my surroundings reflect what I think of their requests in that case, something I inherited from Psychic Calm, I believe."
Well, the place didn't look menacing in any way right now, so I supposed she was in a good mood so far. I knew she could read my mind to know what I wanted, but I hadn't given her permission to act on that yet. My searching her out could be seen as looking to make a request- which I was. I guessed I'd know quickly how she felt about what I had to ask by looking around me after asking.
"I talked to Jess today, your niece, she was wanting to do something, and I said we could talk to you," I began, then decided to just make this easier. "Um, you have permission to act on my thoughts in relation to that."
There was an instant change in the atmosphere. It was no longer blue skies outside, but grey ones, with gentle rain falling. I wasn't sure what to make of this. As a pegasus rain like this was actually kind of a pleasant thing, and she'd been a pegasus too- when she had been alive. She wasn't a pegasus since her death though, and she had a certain human aspect to her as well that could be harder to read in regards to the weather. A lot of humans saw rain as a sign of unhappiness. It was definitely not the same mood as before in any case.
"Give me a moment," she said calmly.
I sat silently waiting for her to say or do something, but she just sat as she had been, minus her smile. She wasn't frowning, but didn't seem happy either. It was what someone might call a poker faced expression. The rain continued to gently fall outside the columns.
After a short wait, Jess appeared in front of me. She was missing her pony parts as she looked at me. "Rebecca?" She said, seemingly confused. Then she seemed to realize she was in a dream. She turned around and looked at Arbiter, and for some reason briefly turned into a full yellow earth pony mare for just a second, before shifting back to her normal partial self. "Hi, Aunt Arbiter."
Arbiter's smile returned. "Jessie, you really must get a better grip on your dream form. Having it shift around like that can be a little strange for others. I could help you with that, if you give me permission."
Jess stepped back, and shook her head. "No thank you. I'll figure it out on my own. It only flickered this time. You know how I feel about anyone messing with my head."
The Dreamwarden looked a little sad. "As you wish. Although I do think you should spend more time considering why it happens. However, that's neither here nor there for right now. The two of you are wanting to give me an opportunity to speak with my brother, correct?"
Jess relaxed. "Yes, Aunt Arbiter. If you both agree to it. Rebecca said she would try to do it."
Arbiter sat still, and the rain continued to fall, although harder than before- a downpour, but not a storm. The fires of her braziers seemed to be a little less blazing, and the pearly white columns seemed a little less pearly. She just sat, quietly observing us.
Jess didn't seem to care for her silence. "You can think faster than I can. Why are you taking so long to give an answer?"
A single lighting bolt flashed outside, but Arbiter's expression didn't change. "Just because I can think quickly doesn't mean every decision is easy for me, or that I consider things with the same logical outlook you do. This holds emotional impact. I may now be something far beyond your ability to fully comprehend, but deep inside me is still the girl that wants her big brother's love and acceptance. These are things that touch upon my emotional needs, and I don't give those as much consideration these days so I am not used to dealing with them. Please, don't rush me."
"Rushing you is you asking for a few seconds," Jess impatiently countered. "You can process everything that I could think to consider and more in milliseconds."
Arbiter sighed and looked at me. "Do you see what I have to deal with? Even my niece treats me like I'm some sort of computer. I'm sure if you asked her she would sit down and calculate out my exact processing power and maximum memory storage. It probably wouldn't even take her that long to do, since she is rather brilliant."
Jess shifted back into pony form. She gave herself a look over and scowled at her body, while stomping a hoof. "Ooohh, stop that and behave!" She then reverted back to her partial form.
My curiosity was driving me crazy. "What's with-"
She turned and cut me off. "It's nothing."
"How very illogical of you," Arbiter said with a smile. "Emotions and reflections on yourself are powerful forces, and that is why I need time to consider. All the processing power in the world- which I have- doesn't speed such things up by much. I'll be glad when you get a little older and a little more patient."
Jess crossed her arms and snorted. She seemed to realize immediately after that she was letting her true age show through her behavior, and relaxed her posture. "Sorry, I guess I was being unfair. I don't mean to act like a child."
Arbiter stood up and approached her niece, then laid a hand on Jess's shoulder. "You aren't a child, you're a grown adult, despite your age. However, you had a very rushed childhood, and even your puberty wasn't typical. There's maturity that comes from age and there's maturity that comes from experience, and those two are not always in line with one another. I have faith the experience will catch up, eventually. You're too smart a young woman not to have that happen."
Jess frowned. "I feel like you're patronizing me."
Arbiter removed her hand and smirked. "My apologies about that. It's a little hard for me to avoid at times. As you like to point out, I am a superior being."
Jess smirked back. "Okay, now you're just trying to get a rise out of me."
"Is it working?" Arbiter asked.
Jess crossed her arms. "No."
Arbiter returned to her silver throne and sat down. "I see… I guess you're making progress then." She sat up straight after that. "I'll do it, if my brother agrees. Although we might want to do a test run right now. Having Rebecca try this with no practice at all is not fair to anyone, least of all her."
That was my cue. "How do you want to do this?" I asked. Still not sure how this was going to work out.
"You can shapeshift here as well as you can while projecting, so make yourself look like me to start," Arbiter instructed. She then pursed her lips. "Actually, let me give you a different avatar to copy. One that should be easier for you, and one Paul will be more comfortable with."
The Dreamwarden stood up and then shifted shape. She now had the body of a normal looking orange pegasus mare with a purple mane and tail. Her cutie mark was an odd circle with a cross going straight down at the bottom and an arrow jutting off at an angle from the top that I felt like I'd seen before, but wasn't able to place the exact meaning of at the moment- something to do with gender, if I was remembering right.
"This was how I looked as a pony in life," she informed me. "He'll probably refer to me as Tonya, and I have no objection to that. It was my name, and there's at least one pony who still calls me that more often than she calls me by my proper name. Close family gets to have some privileges."
I looked at Jess. "You never call her Tonya?"
Jess shrugged. "It's not her name anymore, and I didn't know her as well as a pony as I do now."
The rain came down even harder than before. "I regret I didn't get to spend more time with you back then. I did try, but you were such an odd little filly. It was hard to have a conversation with you. Although, part of that was me not fully respecting how intelligent you are. I was trying to be a cool aunt to a normal small foal, but I should have maybe tried treating you less like a typical small child."
"You still treat me like a child," Jess grumbled. She shifted again to a pony mare and glared down at herself, but she just rolled her eyes and pouted this time around.
The rain was now nearly deafening as Arbiter frowned. "I now remember hunting the ancestors of ponies as food, and a very young Triss being scolded for stealing treats before there were even microbes on Earth. They aren't memories from me, but they are part of me. You have no idea how much you all seem like children to me. Still, I should try to be better at treating you as if you are adults."
"Are all the Dreamwardens like that?" I asked hesitantly. "Stuck remembering things from long long ago like they're your own memories?"
She turned back towards me, and the rain lessened. "More so for those of us who are dead. Those who are still alive don't walk around remembering that stuff in the waking world all the time- but dead, with the ability to use the full power of the dream realm, and no escape from it, they get to be more oppressive. If you become a Dreamwarden you'll be forced to remember it all during your binding- and for the unprepared that alone can be fatal, but it is your choice whether you summon those memories up again while you are here. It's one of the benefits of not being trapped here all the time. Don't go dying, being undead isn't a fun time."
"Definitely not something I'm interested in, but more power to you if you are," Jess said in echo of what she told me before. She'd shifted back to her full human form sometime while I was focused on Arbiter speaking and just seemed to take notice of that as she went feeling with one hand for her ears and another for her missing tail. "Seriously, dream! Can't I just be me without you trying to change me!"
Arbiter stretched a wing out towards her. "If you would just let me-"
Jess reverted to pony form briefly and then immediately back to her partial form. "No! I've got this!"
I really wished I understood what was going on with Jess, but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it. I was focused on what Arbiter had been saying anyway. I shivered as I worked up the nerve to ask Arbiter some questions. "What was it like… dying?"
The rain lessened some more, and Arbiter looked at me sympathetically. "For me it happened so fast I couldn't say much about it. The hours before were painful, but I'd been walking around with a gunshot wound, so that kinda hurt. I was terrified up until the last few minutes, but in the end I felt a certain calmness about my fate. I was dying so others wouldn't, and that brought acceptance and peace. It's hard to explain if you've never been in that position. Jessie understands it, sadly. I hope you never have to understand it by being in that position."
These were all aspects of being a Dreamwarden that Miss Seapony never talked to me about. Phobia had talked to me about even different things, which again, my oldest friend had neglected to say anything about. Miss Seapony had chosen to die, just like Arbiter, and it stood to reason she had to deal with the same type of experiences and memories. Why hadn't she talked to me about this?
Arbiter cocked her head as if listening, and nodded. "Yinyu says she will speak to you when we're done, but doesn't want to intrude upon our practice. Let's get to work. I doubt this will be a perfected art before tonight's done, but hopefully it will be good enough to give me and my brother some quality time. I know I miss him, and my niece and nephew assure me that he misses me."
I nodded, and shifted my appearance to try to match Arbiter's. I'd get to question Miss Seapony later. Right now I needed to practice this so I could help Jess's dad. It occurred to me that being dead granted Arbiter, Miss Seapony, and Mister Potty-Mouth unfathomable power, but they were far less free than the average person. Becoming a Dreamwarden was a big risk, because I could end up like them if I wasn't careful.
I pushed those considerations out of my mind as I focused on the task at hoof. It wasn't until we'd been working at it for a long time that I realized that I'd stopped thinking of Arbiter as the Angel Lady.