//------------------------------// // XVI - Oh Deer // Story: The Distant Princess // by GMBlackjack //------------------------------// I hate animals. I never understood the point of them, really, besides good eating. They’re smelly, stinky, and don’t make a lick of sense. At least people make sense some of the time. Animals? They’ll just wander around, do something random, make you think they’re your friend… and then freak out and scratch you across the face. Or roll in the mud and track it in your house. Or leave a rat at your doorstep. Or are a rat. Rats… People who choose to spend their time out in “nature” are probably suffering from some kind of mental illness. The cat lady is bad enough, but at least she tries to keep the mongrels civilized. That guy who goes out into the forest and tries to become one of those mongrels better prepare himself for the march of civilization! Nature is eternal. But civilization never suffers more than a temporary setback. ~~~ Twilight and Bonnibel marched through the Candy Floss Forest towards the northern end of the Candy Kingdom. The pink, fluffy trees swayed in the gentle breeze, only occasionally interrupted by a leafy plant. “Fascinating…” Twilight said, teleporting a sample of the tree to her for examination. “Life infused with the essence of candy itself. Usually such phenomena are localized and can’t spread. But there are entire ecosystems of candy here, of varying kinds!” “It is a mystery why candy is so sensitive to magic.” Bonnibel traced her hands along one of the trees’ bark. “I wonder if it has something to do with the molecular structure of sugar on the quantum level, but we lack the devices required for that sort of research.” “Makes you wish you could go back to the past, huh?” Bonnibel smiled weakly. “Maybe… but there wouldn’t be enough magic there to run the tests.” “Ooooh, right.” Twilight scratched her chin. Bonnibel raised the binoculars to her eyes and looked to the north. “There. We’ve got rising smoke.” Twilight followed her gaze. Before them was a large icy mountain range. Sure enough, there was a thin trail of smoke in the far distance, heralding the impact site’s location. It was still a fair way out, but now they would be sure not to miss it. With a burst of her wings, Twilight lifted into the air, hoping she could get a better vantage point of what it was. Unfortunately, it was hidden behind distant, greener trees. The further away from the Candy Capital she looked, the less common the candy floss trees became. Twilight dove back to the ground. “Nothing useful from up there.” She knew she could fly there in less than a minute, but she wasn’t about to leave Bonnibel behind. They were going to discover this together. “Right… I guess we just keep moving, then.” Bonnibel adjusted her shirt and continued hiking. Twilight caught sight of the shotgun on Bonnibel’s back once more, a reminder of what this part of the world was capable of. At this point she wasn’t afraid of Bonnibel doing anything with it. She was afraid of what sorts of things made someone like Bonnibel carry that thing around. As they trotted along, the trees became more mixed between sugary floss and leafy greens. The ground gave way to more regular dirt, allowing Twilight to feel more at home. This was no dark Everfree Forest, it was just a forest, one of the most common things on the planet. One verdant glade among many. It was quiet. This unnerved Twilight—there should be birds at this time of day, singing. But there was nothing. Only the sound of their footsteps. Not even a single rustle in the trees. “Hey.” Twilight and Bonnibel both jumped. Twilight lit her horn while Bonnibel pulled out her shotgun, both aimed right at the interruption: a woman with green skin, leaves for hair, and branches sticking out of her head that resembled deer antlers. She was currently hanging upside-down from the trees, staring at the two of them with a blank, fearless expression. Bonnibel lowered her shotgun first. “Huntress Wizard!? Why did you sneak up on us like that?” “Habit.” She dropped to the ground, landing on her feet with grace and hardly a sound. “It pays to stay quiet when hunting. Which I’m having trouble doing, since all the animals fled after the crash.” “Oh, do you know what it is?” Twilight asked, trusting Bonnibel that this woman was no threat. “No. I ran too.” “From it?” Bonnibel cocked her head. “No. Falling space rocks of cataclysm are nothing to be concerned about,” she deadpanned. “I’m running from the only creature in this forest that didn’t flee. It is an affront to nature packaged in the form of a mundane animal, a twister of anti-reality compounded within the facade of innocence, a being of eternal doom that could end all of us with a blink should such thoughts amuse it.” Twilight and Bonnibel stared at her blankly. “I suggest turning back to minimize the chance you’ll run into it.” Huntress Wizard nodded curtly at both of them before jumping into a nearby tree. “Or you can run headfirst into danger. That works too.” One more jump and she was gone. An eerie breeze blew between Bonnibel and Twilight. “...She didn’t tell us what it looked like,” Twilight observed. “No. No she did not.” “Well, we’re not turning back.” “Who would?” “Exactly.” Neither one of them made a move to go deeper into the forest. “Is she trustworthy…?” Twilight asked. “I don’t know her that well,” Bonnibel said. “She’s just Huntress Wizard. She knows the wilderness better than anyone.” “Does she have a name?” “Probably. I have no idea what it is.” “Oh.” They continued to stand around awkwardly. “This is ridiculous,” Twilight grunted, focusing energy into her horn. A small bubble shield appeared around her and Bonnibel, coating the nearby landscape in an amethyst glow. “There. Protection.” Bonnibel shrugged. “Good enough for me.” Now forced to walk in line with one another, they continued through the forest. They saw no animals and heard no birds the entire journey. Their company was occupied by plants, and even those were kept at arm’s length by the barrier. This should have been bearable—after all, they had each other—but they were both looking around in paranoia for the monstrosity their visitor had described. The only thing that hadn’t run away. It would no doubt be the only thing they saw. So when they saw the deer they both freaked out. Twilight froze and Bonnibel armed the shotgun, realizing a second later it would be exceptionally foolish to fire that thing while inside the bubble shield. The deer paid them no mind whatsoever. It scratched its antlers on the trunk of a nearby tree, let out a soft grunt, and started eating the grass. “...I think it’s just a deer,” Bonnibel whispered. “But she said all the animals fled,” Twilight whispered back. “It doesn't seem scared of us, perhaps it has no flight or fight instincts.” “He. That’s a stag.” “You’re concerned about the deer’s gender?” “It’s important to be accurate.” “True…” Bonnibel watched as the deer trotted past them and started munching on a bush. “I still think he’s just a deer.” “I’m gonna drop the shield, see if he reacts… then I’m going to scan him.” “Okay.” Bonnibel hefted up the shotgun again. With a tense face, Twilight dissipated the bubble shield. The natural color returned to the world. For a moment, the deer glanced at them, taking in their sudden change in appearance. Then, without much fanfare, he returned to munching on the plant. Lighting her horn, Twilight performed a simple scan. She discovered fur, organs, bones, and a simple animal-level brain. Magic levels were normal and there was no physical sign of fear anywhere in his body. “You might be right,” Twilight said, dropping the whisper. “I can’t find any tense muscles, nervous energy, or anything on him. He might just not be able to experience fear.” Bonnibel walked up to him. “Poor thing. It’s a miracle you survived this long.” The deer lifted its head to look at her. It snorted in her face. Twilight snickered. “I think he likes you.” “He has just recognized my pre—” The deer licked Bonnibel. She jumped back with a scream, whipping out her shotgun and trembling. Her finger tensed on the trigger. The deer turned away from her, caring not from the scream. “Bonnie…” “Twilight. Does he have hands?” “What?” “His hooves, Twilight!” Bonnibel was almost shouting. “Does he have beeble-blorbing hands!?” “No, geez, of course not! He just has hooves! He’s a completely ordinary deer! Calm down, he didn’t do anything to you…” Trembling, Bonnibel put the shotgun away and sat on the ground, breathing heavily. “Are you…” “We were invaded by a deer with hands,” Bonnibel explained. “It… it tried to eat all of us. Slowly. Very slowly. I can’t be broken down, I’m bubblegum, but…” She looked away. Carefully, Twilight sat down next to her. She spread her wing out one inch at a time, eventually coming to wrap it around Bonnibel’s seated form. “This deer is not that deer. And that deer’s not coming back, is it?” “No. It’s not.” Bonnibel laughed nervously. “That deer is never coming back.” The finality of that statement gave Twilight pause. The deer in front of them sat down, munching on some grass. “You really have no sense of fear, do you, fella?” Bonnibel asked the deer. Shakily, she reached out a hand and pet him. He didn’t flinch—if anything, he leaned in closer so she could scratch him better. “Just a simple deer.” “Huntress Wizard got us spooked, didn’t she?” “She totally did.” Taking a deep breath, Bonnibel removed Twilight’s wing from her and stood up. “That’s enough of dealing with random deer-trauma, it’s time for what we came for: the impact site!” “Right!” Twilight saluted, falling in step behind her. The deer trotted along behind Twilight. “Uh… it looks like we have a tag along.” “You are a quadruped,” Bonnibel pointed out. “He might think you are the closest thing to his herd.” Twilight lifted her head up high. “After we’re done with this, we’re helping him find his herd.” “Sure. As long as they don’t have hands. If they have hands…” “Let’s not dwell on that. Let’s just make the most of our new deer friend!” She glanced at the deer, smiling. “We should name him.” “What?” “I don’t know, something… nature-like.” “Apex?” “...I was thinking Daffodil. What does Apex have to do with nature?” “Apex predator.” “He’s a deer.” “Who shows no fear.” Twilight mulled this over. “Fair enough. Apex it is.” Bonnibel smirked. “What about… Apex Daffodil?” Twilight let out a little squee. “Perfect! Apex Daffodil! Hey, hear that Apex Daffodil? That’s your new na—” her words caught in her throat. Apex Daffodil had stretched his neck to thirteen times its original length, getting to the leaves at the top of one of the tallest trees. Lasers shot out of his eyes, burning the tree’s thorns away so he could get a good snacking in. After completing his meal, his neck returned to its original state and he started scratching his horns against a nearby tree trunk. His color shifted to bright green. Bonnibel and Twilight stared at him in stunned silence. He continued eating. They weren’t moving, so he might as well make use of the opportunity to feast.