//------------------------------//
// Chapter One - Planning and Wagering Bets 
// Story: How to Catch a Pinkie Pie 
// by Ribe_FireRain 
//------------------------------//

''Are you still mad at me?'' You asked to the cyan pegasus that was hovering along side you, her snout pulled into a sour pout and her eyes downcast and inattentive, not acknowledging your presence. She had distanced herself two meters or so from you, too. 

She was still wearing the artificially worn tuxedo she had worn when the two of you were out pranking Fluttershy, and you were holding her top hat, which you had collected when she chased Angel Bunny for kicking her. There was still something very amusing to you about having a flying, rainbow-maned magical pegasus pouting at you while wearing a tuxedo. It was adorable in its own way, and as much as you would have liked to tease and needle her about it, you were sure that she'd use you as a trampoline if you dared to do so right now.

''Dashie? Hey, you awake in there, featherbrain?'' You asked her again, but she didn't respond. She momentarily glanced towards you with an evident scowl, but soon looked away again. Yep, she was beyond peeved. It was always cute when she was annoyed. Her cheeks looked like warm blueberries when she got flustered!

''I'm not talking to you right now,'' She grumbled lowly at you.

''Why not?'' You questioned with a smirk. ''It was a good prank and you know it.''

''You tricked me,'' Rainbow said, stopping hovering in mid-air and turning to face you. The betrayed and humiliated scowl upon her face bore into you, and she pressed her muzzled against your nose. You saw yourself still smiling in her large pupils, but you were a bit surprised at the close contact. ''We were supposed to be a team! You tricked me, Dom! How can I trust you after that?''

You raised a hand and pushed her back with a single finger. She was incredibly light while hovering and she glided back gracefully with a single prod, putting her at a distance where you could view her fully. You still held a smile at her, but you had to admit you felt a bit guilty on the inside. You simply couldn't resist the urge of temptation.

''Well, Skittles---''

''And stop calling me that!'' She snapped, glaring at you softly and her cheeks becoming warm. There it is, warm blueberries!

''Well, Skittles,'' You began again, and she rolled her eyes at you. ''I have a feeling you'll forgive me when you hear what I've got planned next. I know you'll love it, so quit being such an angry horse,'' You told her, booping her on the nose. She snapped her teeth at you again and scrunched her muzzle. ''And while you're at it, stop being so cute.''

''I'm not cute!'' She became even more flustered. ''And I'm not a horse!''

''You're too easy,'' You said, fighting not to laugh. This aggravated Rainbow Dash even more. It pleased you. ''But seriously, I'm sorry I tricked you, alright? Fluttershy was getting upset, and you know how she gets when she starts crying, don't you? We're trying to catch our friends off-guard, not have a crying contest,'' You told her. Rainbow was still understandably annoyed at you, but she was at least acknowledging you and listening to you trying to sound sincere. 

''Excuse me if I'm skeptical, but wasn't there a better way you could have ended that whole prank?'' She asked you, raising an eyebrow. 

''Um, no? Not one that would satisfy me, anyhow,'' You said with a slight grin.

''You're sick, you know that?'' She lolled her tongue out at you.

You only shrugged innocently as a response. Although she was obviously bemused by it, her lips did curl into a small smile.

''Anyway, care to elaborate on what you plan is, Prank Master, or do you want to stand there and gloat at me all day?'' Rainbow Dash asked, and your eyes lit up.

''Ah, see, that's my girl,'' You said.

''Oh, I'm your girl now, am I? Then where's my rose bouquet and my wedding ring?'' She quipped sassily.

''Oh, hush. All in due time, dear. And ponies have wedding rings? If they're like what humans have, then how does that even work?'' You thought. What, did they buy rings and stick them in a fancy box to commemorate their special day and not actually wear them? Or were their wedding rings more like swimming bands for their hooves than actual rings for a finger? ''Anyway...as I was saying: I've had my eye on a certain pony for a while now, and I'm sure you'll like it.''

''Please tell me it's not Berry Punch. Last time, she broke a wine bottle over my head,'' Rainbow said as she rubbed her skull. She had told you about that whole ordeal a while back and how her head still occasionally rang from the force of the bottle that hit her. Apparently, hiding in a half-full barrel of still-fermenting wine and jumping out covered in red-coloured thick rosé foam dressed up as a mutant batch of hops isn't a good idea when the owner comes to check on it.

''No, no, it's not Berry Punch; it's way better than a drunken, wine-drinking horse...''

''Okay, then. Who?'' 

''Pause for dramatic effect,'' You said to yourself. After three seconds, you blurted, ''Pinkie Pie!''

Rainbow Dash stared blankly at you for a few moments, and she had hovered down onto the ground and stood stock-still in front of you. She didn't move an inch, nor did she blink once as she stared at you in silent contemplation of your words. 

''Okay, not the reaction I was expecting,'' You said slowly, wondering what the problem was. ''I honestly thought you'd be more excited than this.'' She still wasn't moving. ''Dash, hello? Are you joking with me right now?'' You put down the top hat and kneeled in front of her, waving your hoof in front of her eyes to check if the lights were still on upstairs. You then checked her neck for a pulse. ''Dash, you're scaring me,'' You said, actually starting to get worried.

It took a moment of you trying to find her pulse before she threw her hooves up, grabbed your cheeks and pressed her muzzle into yours. Her eyes, while you expected them to be wide with excitement over your target, were small and scared.

''Dom, are you insane?! There's no way you're going to be able to take on Pinkie Pie! Even I can't prank her without her catching onto me, and I'm pretty awesome at it!'' She declared, and the fact that she'd admit to not being awesome enough to do anything meant that she must be serious. Usually, her ego wouldn't allow such a statement to be breathed.

''Dashie, are you scared or something?'' You asked half-teasingly, lightly pushing her back while her hooves still gripped your face. ''What's the problem?''

''The problem, Dom,'' She began. ''Is that not a pony alive can out-prank Pinkie! She's called The Pink El Diablo for a reason by ponies around town! If I can't prank her, what makes you think that you can?''

''I'm the master, remember? I pranked you, didn't I?'' You stated proudly, but Dash wasn't amused.

''Pranking me isn't the same as pranking her, Dom,'' She said flatly. ''She's capable of more than you'd think, believe me. She's got an entire army of pranks up her sleeve, and she's at one point or another pranked ever single pony in town!''

''But not every human!'' You said.

''Oh, for...'' She slapped a hoof to her face. ''Dom, your arrogance never ceases to amaze me.''

''Hey, I'm not arrogant! I'm from another planet in another universe! I'm sure our practical jokes are different than the ones a bunch of talking ponies can come up with. I'm literally outside of the box in your world, Skittles!'' You told her confidently, but your talk of high hopes in winning were lost on Rainbow Dash. Instead, her face remained frustrated by your apparent arrogance, lack of understanding of Pinkie's capabilities and the inevitable fail that was bound to ensue.

''You're stupid. You're officially stupid,'' Is all Rainbow said in the flattest neutral tone you've ever heard.

''Says the one who thought she had a tarantula on her,'' You snidely remarked. You chuckled for a moment before she slapped you in the face. It nearly knocked you off-balance, causing you to stumble in place and nearly drop to the side in a heap. You thankfully didn't lose your balance and you rubbed your cheek. ''Damn, girl, that hurt!'' You moaned. ''What is it with you and hitting me? Is this some kind of weird fetish of yours?''

''No!'' She said defensively, instantly blushing. ''That's just sick!'' She made a gagging face.

''Then why do you keep hitting me?'' You asked while rubbing your already-redding cheek tenderly. ''It's not even funny.''

''Stop making fun of me!'' She glowered at you, her voice almost a growl. 

''Only if you stop hitting me. When you make fun out of me, I don't hit you, do I?'' You said, giving her a sour expression. ''Dash, you can poke fun at me all you want and I still wouldn't hit you, but you keep hitting me over a single sentence. I'm not enjoying it a single bit.''

''Okay, okay, fine, I'm sorry,'' She apologised. While her face was still flustered and tinged a light hue of pink, she did sound like she meant it. Then again, it is hard to tell with her from time to time. ''And...I'm sorry about slapping you so hard. I didn't hurt you, did I?''

''No, but I'd bet money on you in a bar brawl,'' You replied. ''Do you lift weights?"

''No,'' Dash said. ''I'm fluffy.''

''Whatever you say, Stitch.'' 

Rainbow Dash gave you a confused expression at that name, tilting her head at you with a raised brow, a bit like a bewildered cat. Now if she began drinking coffee, you would legally rename her as Stitch and stick her on an island in whatever the Equestrian equivalent of Hawaii is. What a sight that'd be...

''Anyway, we're getting off-track again. So, if you're such a Prank Master, then what do you propose we do?'' Rainbow Dash asked. You rubbed your hands together in anticipation, a whole bunch of ideas springing to mind.

''Well, Rainbow Dash, my Skittle-tasting rainbow horse, I think I know just the prank to get us started...''


*** *** ***


''I know this is the second time I've said this, but this is a stupid idea,'' Rainbow Dash said doubtfully as she stared at what to your mind's eye was an 'ingenious trap'. ''You really think this will work, don't you?''

''Sit there and pout if you want, but this is a start, isn't it? Besides, I've realised I haven't seen how Pinkie operates with her tactics, so this is only to see what we're up against,'' You said from your hiding spot. You were once again in the bushes with Rainbow Dash, tucked away from sight in front of Sugarcube Corner. This was the perfect vantage point.

''Alright, Rainbow Dash, I don't know exactly how we're going to play this, but this prank is always a good one. You've already been to Sweet Apple Acres to get...''the stuff'', right?'' You said that last part in a close-to-ear whisper to Rainbow Dash, but wasn't sure why. Rainbow grimaced and rolled her eyes.

''Yeees,'' She droned in a bored tone. ''And why are you whispering?''

''I dunno, I wanted to look cool,'' You shrugged.

''Well, you look like a dope,'' She said. ''This isn't going to work, you know.''

''Oh? Give me the bag!'' You snatched up the bag from beside Rainbow Dash, but was careful not to tear it open. The weight inside of the bag was pulling it down and you saw it seeping through the grease-proof coating, a black outline. Although the material was thick, the smell was like burned oakwood and hot varnish. You never knew exactly what to call that smell, but you knew anything bad would suffice.

From your pocket, you withdrew a brass Zippo lighter that had some age to it and you gave it a spark, igniting the wick instantly. You motioned towards the bag with it and then to Rainbow Dash, who was gagging.

''Okay, for scientific purposes, I'm gonna run to the doorstep, light it, run back into the bushes and observe. Simple enough, right?'' Rainbow was holding her nose shut and making a sour face. She looked like she was ready to vomit a marathon. 

''Just get it over with already, the smell's making me want to vomit, and I'll make sure it all goes on you if you don't get rid of it!'' She ushered you along, practically shoving you out of the bushes.

''Alright, chill! I'm going!'' You said, rushing out of the bushes with the lighter in your hand and quickly heading towards the doorstep of the bakery. It was a bit later in the afternoon, so not many ponies were around. You knew Pinkie was working the counter today, so this should be an easy test.

''Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick in a minute,'' You grumbled to yourself as you placed the bag on the porch of the bakery and prepared the lighter. ''Damn, what do you feed your dog, AJ?'' 

At last, fire! You had lit the top of the bag and you had ran back to the bushes to hide with Rainbow Dash while you awaited the trial run to take place. Rainbow wafted her hoof beside you and her nose crinkled.

''Ew!'' She sputtered. ''Put a cork in it, will you?!'' She clasped her hoof over her nose. ''I can't believe you made me get that. You're getting a shower after this, mister.''

''Okay, whatever, mum,'' You said sarcastically. ''Just quit complaining and watch the show! Look, look, she's coming!'' You threw your arms around Rainbow in anticipation, put she shoved you away once she got a better whiff of your and your now-fecal-matter-smelling clothes.

Pinkie Pie saw the smoke and was coming to investigate.

''Lo, she emerges!'' You said in a classic nature documentary-maker's voice. ''The Pinkus Pius, upon detection of a potential threat, retires from her stand at the sweetie cave to come investigate,'' You said. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Rainbow Dash talking silently and mimicking your voice like a child.

Pinkie stared at the burning bag of canine excrement for a moment and then her eyes went wide when she understood what was happening. Rather than scream or maybe give a dramatic cry for help like you expected, Pinkie tapped her chin thoughtfully and an idea sprung to her mind, as evidenced when you saw her stick a hoof in the air and a lightbulb literally came into being above her head. It then dimmed, fell, hit her on the head and then the shards dropped to the floor, but she oddly and apparently didn't feel it. Pinkie Pie vanished back inside the sweet shop to some unknown location.

''Sparked with an idea, the Pinkus Pius resides back to her cave and plans her next move,'' You continue to narrate, much to Dash's annoyance.

''Oh, for...will you quit doing that?!'' Rainbow Dash yelled in a hushed tone. ''It's getting on my nerves!''

''Sor-ree,'' You said sarcastically. ''I'm just trying to have a little bit of fun, you sourpuss,'' You nudged her shoulder. She didn't like it. ''I think we both need to have a serious talk after all of this is done with. Look at you; you're so tense you look like you've seen a nudey for the first time!''

''I'm a pony. We're already nude,'' She clarified with a stink eye. ''And if I saw you nude, I doubt I'd have a reason to be tense.''

''Wow, burn,'' You said deflatedly. ''You are a sad, sad mare, Miss Dash.'' 

Suddenly, you heard a noise come from in front of you. Peeking back out to the bakery, you saw the top window open up, where you knew Pinkie's bedroom was located, and you saw her wearing what looked like a batting helmet with a red bubblegum light on top of it, spinning around and glowing bright red. A rope appeared out of nowhere beside her and she gave it a yank.

''Look out below!'' Pinkie Pie yelled to anybody in the vicinity after she pulled down on it hard enough to pull herself up with it once she gave it a hefty tug. Out of nowhere, a nearby tree that was surprisingly on a mechanism, tilted towards the porch of the bakery and you noticed it was hollow, with a funnel running through it to direct water, like an aqueduct. Within seconds, cold water streamed down it and extinguished the bag of burning excrement instantly.

''Whoa, what the...?'' You said, watching with Rainbow in disbelief. What was happening right now? ''But how's she going to get rid of it if it's all soggy and---wait a minute!''

Another rope appeared beside Pinkie and she pulled it, the porch collapsing inwards like a trapdoor and allowing the bag to drop straight through it, to some unknown land of no return, floating endlessly in a space of limbo. And like that, she nodded in satisfaction and removed her helmet. You were caught off guard further when she seemed to gaze right in your direction.

''You'll have to try better than that, Dommy!'' And she gave that sweet smile, the same she always flashed to her friends and then she shut the window again.

You were kneeling there beside Rainbow Dash, baffled by what had just taken place. How did she know you were in the bushes? Did she see you coming?

''So, are you going to admit you were wrong, or do what you always do and get cocky and say 'I know!' before saying yet another stupid idea?'' Rainbow asked, face bemused and all-knowing how this was going to end. 

''But...h-how did she know? Is she psychic?'' You asked, throwing your arms up and motioning between the bakery and Dash. The cyan mare shrugged.

''Nope, she's just Pinkie Pie. I told you so, too.''

''But, she knew we were in the bushes and---''

''Pinkie Sense,'' Dash said plainly.

''Pinkie Sense? Does it also work as Dom Sense or Dashie Sense?''

''Yep!'' Pinkie's voice called from the distance, following the sound of an opening window that shut again after she spoke.

''Darn. Well...Oh!'' An idea came to your mind yet again.

''Oh, no, here we go...'' Rainbow groaned.

''I know!''

''Yep, here it comes...''

''Dash, I have a plan!''

''What now? You going to dress up again, or have me dress up and trick me again?''

''Oh, lighten up, will you? I said I was sorry!'' You said, knocking her shoulder. She crossed her hooves and glanced away from you, not wanting to hear what you were going to say next. ''Look, Rainbow, I know I shouldn't have tricked you, but I can't help it sometimes; it's like a disease. I enjoy poking fun at you when I get the opportunity.''

''Seriously?'' She turned to face you. ''Seriously? This is your apology?" She gave you a soft glare. ''If this is what you have to say, then you better stop right there and think about your next words very carefully,'' She warned.

''Okay, okay, I'm sorry,'' You said, placing a hand to her back. She tensed, but you didn't budge. ''Tell you what, how about I make it up to you?'' She faced you again and showed she was listening, but remained silent. ''How about this: I bet if I can't catch Pinkie Pie with a prank, I'll...'' You whispered into her ear your brilliant plan and her ears perked and her face tinged light pink. When you pulled away, she stared at you for a moment.

''Are you serious?'' 

''If it's to cheer you up and make us even again, then yes,'' You said. ''So, do we have a deal?'' You held out your hand. Rainbow Dash glanced between your face and your hand a few times, presumably to find a fault in your sincerity. After finding none, she spat in her hoof and then shook your hand.

''Deal!'' She said. 

''How about you? Any bet you'd like to wager?''

''Hmm...'' Rainbow rubbed her chin in thought. ''No. But there's still that date you have yet to take me up on. Hint, hint,'' She batted her eyelids girlishly at you. It was an odd sight coming from her, but it still made you blush a bit. In all the excitement of bickering with her, you'd mostly forgotten about it. 

''Once we're done catching all of our friends, how about we work on that?'' You offered.

''Sounds good to me,'' Dash bumped her hoof against your hand. ''So, what next?''