//------------------------------// // Error in Persona // Story: Pinkie's Doom Parade // by NeuPferdfurt //------------------------------// “Twilight, why did you ask me to come over again? As much as I appreciate your company, a library isn’t exactly my kind of place when it comes to spend a day off...” “I know, Applejack. And I’m very glad you agreed to assist me. You see, I am working on my hypnosis spells, and so I need a test subject with an especially strong will. Fluttershy was very kind to help me out earlier, but I’m afraid I need to push my studies a little further...” Applejack was proudly sticking out her chest. “Strong will? You have come to the right pony. Or rather, the right pony has come to you...” “No way!” Rainbow Dash made her entry through an open window. I should really keep those closed, Twilight thought. But then she is just going to break the windows. “You’re going to hypnotarize Applejack? Make her do all sorts of wacky stuff? I’ve got to see this!” “Don’t get you hopes too high, flygirl”, the earth pony snorted, “Twilight, if you manage to bend me to your will, you deserve it. I won’t go easy on you.” - One minute later. “Okay, Applejack. You are now... a wild boar!” The workhorse darted out into the yard, where she started pulling out weeds, grunting as she covered herself in dirt. “Awww”, Rainbow Dash complained, “She didn’t change at all! This is what she always does!” Rarity came by. “I’m afraid I have to agree with Rainbow Dash, my dear. If you’re going to hypnotize Applejack, you should at least use the occasion to instill her some etiquette.” Pinkie Pie poofed into existence. “Naaah! That’s boring! How about this: Hey, Applejack! You’re a disco pony, and you like to dance!” Applejack started swinging her muscular behind. “Umz, umz, umz...” Rainbow Dash burst into laughter. “Now we’re talking! Yeah, baby! Shake that thing!” “You guys”, Twilight moaned, “That’s not cool. It wasn’t supposed to be like this... This is serious research. Now if you’ll excuse us... Come back inside, Applejack.” - When Twilight turned around, Pinkie was standing right in the middle of the room. “Oh, sure, give me a heart attack, why the hay not...” “I can help you with your serious research, Twilight! I really can!” “Sure, Pinkie...” “No, I mean it! I know a little something about brains!” “You do?” Twilight sounded a little more sarcastic than she had intended. “Mhm. Like, did you know you can’t make a hypnotized person do something she would never agree to do if she was awake?” “I did.... So you do know one or two things about hypnosis. But what’s your point?” “Let’s see if we can tackle the boundaries, shall we? Hey Applejack! Throw a cake into my face!” Applejack was balancing a cake on her right front hoof, though she and Twilight were oblivious as to where it had come from. As soon as Pinkie gave the order, the workhorse grinned, aimed and hit Pinkie with the merchandise. The pink pony giggled and started licking the exploded cake off her complexion. Twilight was shaking her head. “Ooookay. I’m not sure what just happened, but Pinkie, really, I think...” “Let’s see... Applejack, tell Twilight that you hate her!” Applejack frowned. “Now Pinkie, why would I do that? I like Twilight!” “Sure you do. You wouldn’t hurt her either, would you?” “Never!” Her face was now very close to that of the workhorse “Not even if I gave you a DIRECT ORDER, Soldier?” Applejack was shaking. She seemed to experience an inner struggle. Finally, she said: “No, Sir! Pinkie, Sir! No way. On a sidenote... what’s wrong with you?” “But you would throw a muffin at her, wouldn’t you?” “Most certainly.” But as the muffin hit Twilight on the cheek, the purple unicorn didn’t even blink. She was still trying to deal with what had just happened. “Pinkie...?” The pink pony was using her incredibly long, muscular tongue to suck cake residues out of her left ear. “Yef, Twilight?” “Why... why did you say that?” “Say what?” “You know, the horrible things you just said.” “Geez, Twilight, I didn’t know you hated muffins that much...” “That’s not what I meant. Before that.” “So? What else did I say?” Well, Twilight thought, welcome to creepy town. Of course there was just one thing a scientist could do when she was confronted with creepiness. That’s right: She had to study it. “Say, Pinkie... If you don’t mind, I would now like to test this spell on you.” “That sounds great!” The party pony was bouncing as if she was made out of rubber. “This is going to be so exciting! I for once am really, really... “ “Yes, now...” “Do I sit? Do I lay down? Do I stand on my head? Do I spin around?” “Just make yourself comfortable. The only important thing is that you calm down and be very still. You think you can do that?” “Well, da... I’m not a baby, you know. Uh, but now I just have to spin on my head for a little! This will just take a second...” - Twilight had closed all the curtains in the main room. The only light source were a few big, perfumed candles. “Alright, Pinkie. Close your eyes. You’re on a little island in the middle of the ocean. It’s warm and the sun is shining. You are laying on the beach, under a palm tree. Of course you don’t see any of this...” “Because my eyes are closed!” “That’s right. But you feel the sun and the shadows on your coat, don’t you? You listen to the waves... and the cries of the seagulls... and the wind as it is passing through the leaves... You smell the salty air...” “Are there sharks?” “What?” “Are there sharks? That’s kinda important.” “Yes, Pinkie, there are sharks. The waters around the island are full of them, if your eyes were open now, you could see their back fins sticking out of the waves...” “Awesome...” “Now you...” “I hope it's not a coconut tree. Have you any idea how many people are killed each year by coconuts falling on their heads?” “Coconut trees don’t grow on this side of the island.” “That’s a relief.” “The point is, Pinkie, you’re all alone. It’s just you, enjoying a very special vacation. You can still hear me, and when I tell you to wake up, you will. But for now, keep in mind that I’m not actually there. Twilight Sparkle is with the others, far away, in Ponyville.” “That’s so sad. What am I supposed to do, all by myself?” Twilight sighted. Okay, this obviously didn’t work. Maybe Pinkie was just one of those ponies who were immune to... “I mean, I need ponies to do... my stuff...” Twilight felt a shiver running down her spine. Pinkie’s voice had changed. Her cotton-candy hair seemed to... deflate in front of the unicorn’s eyes. It became plain, and straight. It was absolutely surreal. Slowly, Pinkie got on her feet. Twilight felt like screaming. This wasn’t part of the spell! The pink earth pony opened her eyes, and the unicorn was struck by the gaze of a creature more outlandish than anything she had encountered so far. “Sorry, but I had to get out of there. Nothing to do, you see? Still, now that I’m seeing your cute little face, I’m glad. I might be enjoying my “special vacation” after all.” Twilight got up as well and took a few steps back. “Who... who are you?” “Why, my name is Diane. I am so pleased to finally meet you, Twilight Sparkle. Technically, I already knew you, but you were not aware of me...” “I had... suspicions.” “You had nothing”, the pink mare replied dryly. “Say, where do you keep your sharp tools?” Twilight had a sudden revelation. “What about Pinkie Pie?” The creature in front of her looked as if she had tasted something filthy. “‘Pinkie’? That’s just a construct, an imaginary friend poor little Pinkemina made up when she was just a little filly. She even made a little pink cape for her, isn’t that sickly sweet... ‘Pinkie Pie’, the superpony, the pony who could do everything- even make other ponies happy. Remember the ‘Party of one’? The day of this delicious quiproquo, when she thought you had abandoned her? That day... at least for a few hours... little Pinkemina had decided that ‘Pinkie Pie’ had failed. A small window of opportunity, where I could have taken control. If it had not been for that meddlesome rainbow pegasus, and the rest of your repulsive sunshine-gang... I had plans for Rainbow, you know? For all of you... But you brought Pinkie Pie back.” Diane sighted. “I don’t ‘hate’ Pinkie Pie... She’s just getting in the way. A waste of time. I’m the part of Pinkemina who’s all grown up. The part who knows how to deal with pain. How to share it. I can think properly, once I’m out of the labyrinth in her brain... I know that the only thing Pinkemina needs to know about life is... how to dissect it.” Twilight was shaking all over, but she did her best to control herself. She was surprised how calm her voice sounded when she said: “What, that’s it? That’s your conclusion, Diane? That’s pretty juvenile if you ask me. You sure you’re the grown-up part?” Diane grinned. Combined with her dark, lifeless eyes, this made her look more like a shark than a pony. A pink shark, no less. “Let’s just say I have come up with a better way to make everyone happy... It’s a well-known fact that you can only really appreciate the value of things when you have lost them, or when you’re about to lose them... Your friends... your health... your sanity... your life...” Diane giggled. “And don’t worry about the sharp tools. I found them.” Suddenly, Diane was balancing a large paper knife on her right front hoof. “W-where did you... ?” Diane was licking her lips. “Anything Pinkie can do, I can do better.” “T-this has gone far enough”, Twilight said, “I’m sorry. I should never have tried this. But now it’s time to... wake up!” Diane chuckled. “Oh, poeh-leeease. You didn’t really think that would work, did you?” She was licking the knife, and a tiny drop of blood fell to the floor. “I am already awake.” Twilight was trying to take the paper knife away with pyschokinesis. Her horn didn’t even glow. “That’s another funny thing. When I’m around, unicorn ponies are too scared to even use their magic. Isn’t that silly?” Oh, I believe you, Twilight thought. It wasn’t just what Diane said or did, it was the way she was talking, the way she was moving... In her presence, your blood seemed to turn into ice. - The candles went out. Twilight squealed as her hooves were trapped in slings she had just stumbled into. She was pulled up, until she was hanging in the air in a vertical position. Her soft belly being disturbingly vulnerable and inviting, while she was unable to move. And now she couldn’t even see her predator anymore. “What... no... this can’t be... these weren’t here before!” “A magician never reveals her secrets. And make no mistake, Sparkle, I need none of your fancy unicorn hocus pocus. Pinkie and I, we have our little tricks. But as I said: mine are better.” “What are you going to do to me?” “You’re gonna laugh. I need you to study. I’m afraid I might have gotten a little rusty after all these years down in Pinkie’s filthy brain-guts. This is going to take a while. I need to check that all the organs are still in place, all these pesky little nerve endings. I have to be able to do find them all, even in the dark, even on short notice... This is going to be very educational to us both, Miss Sparkle. I hope you’ll enjoy the ride. I know I will.” Twilight was closing her eyes, bracing herself for the first strike. Finally, she was crying. The tears were dropping from her cheeks or running over her body. Through the darkness, a hoof was reaching for Twilight’s face, gently caressing her cheek. “Yesss... the first tears... If only you knew how important they are...” And then Diane said: “Ouch.” I sounded as if a heavy object had just fallen on her head. - Twilight dropped to the floor. When she looked up, Spike was standing in front of her. The door was open, and sunlight was flooding into the room. “Geez. Do I even want to know what you’ve been doing all day? So I just take my time with the groceries, and you...” “S-Spike...”, Twilight reached for him with her hooves, “P-Pinkie... run... “ “Looks like I have come just in time.” Ignoring her further, feeble attempts to warn him, the little dragon patroled through the room, pulling back the curtains. “Wow. That’s a pretty big bump. What did you do to her head?” He had just discovered Pinkemina, laying unconscious in the middle of the room. Her hair was puffy and curly again. And next to her on the floor, there was a coconut. - Spike made them tea. Twilight tried to calm down, but again and again, she would stare at Pinkie, looking for signs of... the other. But thankfully and magically enough, the pink pony had returned to her normal self. If that's what it really was. As usual, Pinkie was in a good mood, though still a little dizzy from her encounter with the coconut. “Say”, Pinkie suddenly said, “Where’s Applejack?” Twilight’s face was blank. “Applejack! I forgot all about her! I didn’t even wake her up!” Spike sat down next to the fillies, eating the very muffin Applejack had thrown at Twilight earlier. “AJ? Why, I just saw her hanging out with Rainbow Dash. They seem to be having a great time. She looked a little strange, though, a little derpy-like... “