“Hrmmm, what do you think, boys? Did I go overboard?”
I squinted down at the troops arrayed before me, spread out over the floofy white battlefield I’d painstakingly tried to sculpt all weekend. My room looked like the aftermath of a hurricane, the furniture all hastily rearranged to make space for the new addition. My old life slanted and sagged and slumped all together near the bed—which had been shafted off to the side. Even that was barely enough to fit the nine-by-six hand table in, the monument to my latest campaign dwarfing me and my little brothers in the shadow of its cumulus-coated mountain top.
“Ummm…” Rolling Thunder peeked out from between my legs, first peering around at my wreck of a room before looking up at my hard work. “Mom’s gonna be mad.”
“You think?” Blinking, I looked around only to purse my lips at the sight of the wreckage.
“Uh-huh!” The little rascal nodded vigorously as he poked out more. “You made a mess; Mom doesn’t like messes... except for Dad she says. That means scoldings or time outs or maybe even a spanking!” His eyes widened in horror. “No candy-coated cockroaches for a week!”
“I wanna climb it ‘fore Mom makes it go bye bye!” From his spot on my back, Red scrunched down and prepared to pounce, and only my quick and merciless glower cowed him back. “Meanie.”
“You can climb it after I get it enchanted so that I’m the only one who can ruin it.” With a small snort, I finally chuckled. Shaking my head, I turned back to admiring my handywork. “I don’t think Mom and Dad are gonna let me keep it in here, though, so—”
I paused, ear flicking at the loud and obnoxious beating of a hammer starting off somewhere outside. Grabbing my glasses and poking my head through the wall, all I saw was Aunt Mercy patting some clouds down in the early morning light—Daisy snoozing on her back. She looked up, saw me, waved with a cocky grin, and I rolled my eyes as I pulled back into the house.
“Was Auntie doing Auntie things again?” Rolling tilted his head up at me.
“No idea, squir— Oh, geeze, Red!” I swooped over to the table to carefully extract him as he trotted all over it. “I told you not to do that! How would you like it if I smashed my way through your blocks, huh?”
“I smash my blocks all the time!” Red puffed out his chest. “Why build stuff and not smash it?”
“You know I didn’t have to let you in my room to see it, right?” I growled as I set Red down on the floor. “I’m being nice cause your brother asked. Don’t make me kick you—”
This time, the buzzing of saws cut through the air as multiple hammers banged down on wood. The whir of machines and the sputtering of engines accompanied the roar of heavy construction equipment and the shrill beeping of a great metal beast in reverse. Both Rolling’s ears and mine scurried back at the volume, but as soon as I made it back to the wall and shoved my head through, there was only cloud crickets.
And Aunt Mercy was just patting more clouds down, whistling as she worked.
“Uhh… Hey, Aunt Mercy? What are you doing out there?” Flashing her a grin, I may have bared my fangs just a little. “I’m not gonna have to call the Guard, am I?”
“Screeheehee! Oh, Night! What do you think I’m doing?” Tittering like mad, Aunt Mercy waggled her brow at me.
“I don’t know.” I stuck my tongue out. “Things? Stuff? Smile dip? You’re making too much noise just to be patting down some clouds.”
“Hah!” With how loud she slapped her knee, it was amazing to see Pushing just snoozing along. “And what if I am? A little noise won’t hurt anypony. Besides—” Her grin was as shark-like as mine. “—what do you expect? I gotta rebuild the nursery. Daddy dearest ordered me to~” With a scandalous wink that made me shudder for poor Dad, she went back to shaping the cloud.
“Rebuild the… again?” I sighed and shook my head. “What went wrong this time?”
“Uhhh…” My Aunt had the decency to blush even as her horseapple-eating grin grew, burying her head further into the cloud to hide it. “I packed the last one together too tight. When I woke up this morning, she was on the ground buried in a puddle of fog.”
I blinked bemusedly. “Do you… need any help?”
“Me? Need help?” My hackles skyrocketed as she pivoted to smile and flutter her lashes at me. “You should know better, Night.”
“Yeah, uh…” I had to fight the urge to just edge back inside, and my Aunt knew how to make it a losing battle. “Well, if you do need anything, just call.” Popping back inside, I hastily patched up the hole in the wall.
“Take that, Smitey McSmiterson! No pony can stop the Moony Maiden’s cootie cannon!” The twins, of course, were back on the table and playing with my troops like they were nothing but toys to be used, abused, and left broken and gnawed on. Miniatures were scattered all over the floor from their battle, while the two butted heads over probably the only two pieces left standing.
“Whah?! No fair, Red! Why do you get the power of cooties?!”
“Cause I picked a filly, duh!” Red tossed his head back and preened, little feathery stubs flaring out as he puffed out his chest like a peacock. “I was tabicable!” He tilted his head to the side. “Taminical? Ta… Ta… I was a big word! And big words make me better than you!”
“Does not!”
“Does too!”
“Does not!”
“Does too!”
“Does not!” Rolling’s pouty face scrunched up as he stomped and flared his own wings. “Smitey McSmiterson is like, half robot, half dinosaur, and half geese! He can’t be affected by cooties!”
“Oh yeah?!” Red reared back, wings buzzing.
“Yeah! So eat lazor eyes! Brrrrrrrrzoooow!” Rolling swooped my poor Second Lieutenant forward and enough was finally enough.
“Oi, twerps!” I growled. “What do you think you’re—” The rest of my scolding was thoroughly drowned out as my Aunt’s crazy construction resumed at something like ten times the volume of before. Even Red had his ears folded back to his head.
As I glowered back at the wall and debated plowing through it and declaring Schattenkrieg, the racket got louder and louder until—with the great snapping crack of timber giving way—the ceiling caved in to smush all my cloud furniture into one poofy lump.
I just barely managed to cover the twins in time, shielding them with my body as the cloud thundered down on us. Nothing sharp or heavy hit me, but still… it was the principle of the matter. Who knew what unholy tools my aunt used in her nefarious construction efforts. Raising a hoof to my snoot to make sure my glasses were straight, I shoved Rolling as far under one wing as I could to protect his eyes; I popped my head out of the debris to spit a few puffs of cloud out of my mouth.
“Arschmade.” I glared up at Aunt Mercy as she stuck her head over the edge of the hole.
“Heh, guess I earned that one.” She looked away for a moment, her cocky grin falling. “Still, don’t let your dad or your brothers hear you.” It was back in a flash as she laughed. “Sorry. I don’t really do soft and gentle.”
“Ugh, I asked if you needed help!” Lifting a hoof out of the floof, I stabbed it upwards. “And now my room is trashed! I just spent all weekend building a table to help me plan my revenge on that no-good, heartless schweinehund at games club!”
“You spent all weekend building a single table?” Aunt Mercy’s smirk widened. “You sure you can help me?”
“Grrrr…”
“Fine, fine. Learn to take a joke, why don’t you?” Aunt Mercy waved me back before I could go for the throat, pulling back and leaving me to shepard the squirming twerps towards my door.
“Screep!” Rolling’s face was fiercely scrunched to avoid the eye of the hungry sun witch as I swatted him and his brother through my door and into the hall. “Is it… safe now?”
“Yeah, shrimp, you’re safe.” Giving him a little smirk, I ruffled his mane.
Rolling blindly shook me off with another adorable little screep, sneaking a peek before quickly retreating back behind his eyelids like he was expecting trickery. Safe from the sun in the sweet shade of home and hearth, however, he started blinking rapidly before lunging forward in a rib-cracking hugg.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He nuzzled up into the crook of my neck. “I didn’ have my glasses, and I didn’ know where to dig, and I… I… The sun is so scary, Night!”
“Pffft! Is not!” Even having run off to who knows where, Red was determined to give his two cents as he laughed from wherever he was currently causing chaos. “Weichei!”
“Oi! Language!” I growled and glowered off in the direction Red was still snickering from. “And don’t make fun of your brother! Or do you want me telling him about the other night when you woke me up not wanting Mom or Dad knowing why you wet the—”
“N-no fair! Niiiiiiight! You promised you wouldn’t tell!” Red’s whine was so high it made his brother stop sniffling and giggle.
“Then shut your pie hole, soldier.” I stomped a hoof to let a little thunder rumble through the house. “Everypony is afraid of something, and unlike your little nightmare from the other day, the sun can and has hurt your brother, understood?!”
There were a few moments of silence before Red shuffled slowly around the corner with both his and Rolling’s favorite plushies under his wing. Walking up to us with his head held low, he peeked up as he reached us to give his brother his mini Princess Luna. Rolling gave another sniffle and smile as he took it, opening up his wing to let Red and his pint-sized Princess Twilight plushie in on the wing-hugging action.
“‘M’sorry,” Red mumbled around a faceful of smart purple plush.
With a giggle, Rolling booped his brother’s snoot. “It’s okay. I’m not the one afraid of quesadillas!~”
“Wh-wha—” Red gave me the most absolute and pitiable look of betrayal.
“Hey! Don’t look at me!” My head reared back as I instinctively looked away before my heart stopped. “I didn’t breathe a word!”
“Screeheehee! She didn’t, but you did!” Squirming out of my grip, Rolling ran off with his precious Princess, giggling like a loon under moon. “Somepony says stuff in their slee-eeeep!~”
“Oh, yeah?!” Red buzzed his wings as he burst out of my hooves to pursue his brother with righteous wrath. “Well… well… you’re a smelly buttface who doesn’t know anything! Princess Twilight herself said she can’t stand quesadillas! A Princess! Princesses always have good reasons for everything, so quesadillas have to be secretly awful no matter how good Mom makes ‘em!”
Chuckling as they ran off, I shook my head. “Don’t wreck the house now, you two! Your aunt is already doing enough of that, you hear?” The two blitzed past me as their chase worked its way around the home to whirlwind back, both shouting what may or may not have been an affirmative as they passed. I stuck out my hooves to nab them both back up, grinning at them as they squeaked and continued pumping their legs fruitlessly. “Oi. I’m serious. Play all you want, but don’t trash the house. I’m gonna be heading outside to help Aunt Mercy fix the mess she’s made. If I come back in and find there’s a feather out of place, you’ll be the ones cleaning it.”
Setting the wriggling Rolling down first, I gave him a nice head start. “Oh, and put your glasses on in case Aunt Mercy bucks up again!” I pulled Red back up just before letting him loose. “You have thirty seconds to do that before I unleash your brother on you!”
“Awwww, no fair!” Red squirmed and kicked harder in my grip—almost throwing himself off balance when I released him after only about ten seconds with an evil grin. Lifting a hoof to my lips to shush him, I waved him off with a hoof so he could go jump his brother in the dark.
Brothers handled, I stood up straight, made sure my glasses were on nice and tight, and raided Mom and Dad’s closet to snag a combat helm. It wasn’t as cool as a guard helm, but all I wanted was a hard hat in case of… accidents. The sound of machinery and swinging steel beams grinded away at my ears again as I swooped up to find that, yes, Aunt Mercy really was just that bad at working cloud.
It was mind boggling to watch as the cloud fought her kicking and screaming whenever she did more than pat it down. Pull it, shape it, twist it, bop it, any and everything she did to it seemed to have the cloud crackle with lightning or shriek like a metal banshee.
It was downright cringeful and mesmerising; I couldn’t help the fact that I stared.
“You going to do more than stand there, Mausi?” Ears flicking, Aunt Mercy looked over her shoulder to grin at me.
Balking at the sudden realization that I was just standing there and doing nothing, I instead stomped a hoof and used the crackle of thunder to hide my embarrassed screep. “Me?” I gestured to the torturous misshapen mass of clouds my aunt was working on. “What are those? Pillars? Walls? The spawn of the Nightmare herself?”
“Can’t it be all three?” With a titter, Aunt Mercy waggled her brow at me. “If you must know, though, it’s a crib.”
”A crib….” Cocking my head at the wibbly-wobbly mess of tubes, I shook my head and smiled my best Sergeant Smiles smile. “You call that a crib, Cadet! That’s a Luna forsaken travesty of modern art! No, it’s one of those sun blasted cat toys! You think a pet palace is good enough for your daughter, soldier?!”
“Excuse me?” In a flash, Aunt Mercy turned, fangs gleaming with all the hunger of the sun. “Did you just call me… Ohohohoho! That is rich coming from you. Cute, little Nightingale’s finally grown a pair, hrmmm?~ You’re not my commanding officer, dear.”
“Wanna bet?” I kept scowling right back. “I can always ask Mom and Dad when they’re back—right after telling them you crashed the roof down on me and my brothers.”
“You wouldn’t.” My aunt narrowed her eyes.
“I would.” It was my turn to smirk. “I am more than peeved enough about losing that table. You’re just lucky cloud can’t hurt the rest of my stuff or we’d be going to the mat right here and now.”
With a tsk, Aunt Mercy flicked her tail and backed up from her cumulous monstrosity. “Fine, show me how it’s done then, sarge.”
“Gladly.” As I sauntered up, she hip checked me so I would stumble a little. Both our eyes tossed daggers back and forth as I turned to glare anew, then all of a sudden she chuckled and smiled, reaching up to ruffle my mane.
“Your inner Tempered is showing, pipsqueak.” She laughed as I batted her hoof away and blushed black. “Go on, then~” She licked her lips and waggled her brow at me. “Show me how it’s done, bat daddy~”
Ooooooooooh… Eww, eww, eww, eww, ewwwwwwwwww….
Little trails of smoke curled out of my ears as my coat burned as black as the Nightmare and my brain just fizzled and died. That… that was totally getting redacted and filed where I would never find it again. Holy motherbucking guano.
“Awww… you really are like your Dad, pipsqueak! I remember when we first met…. He always made the cutest little faces when your mom and I teased him!” With a titter, Aunt Mercy booped my snoot and bumped her hip into me again. “You know, there was a time those two weren’t so cut and dry? Your Dad probably doesn’t tell you those stories, but I might have been your mom if things had gone down a little differently.”
“Yeah, right. If that’s what you wanna think.” Shaking my head, I tsked and moved up to focus on the work at hoof. A few careful bucks got me back the building material Aunt Mercy had been using, and I flapped it off to the side so I could evaluate the house itself. A little cloud here, a little cloud there, fix my sun blasted ceiling and blam. Now, we at least had some decent foundations for the nursery.
“I’m not lying, kiddo.” Aunt Mercy watched as I sculpted and molded the cloud, her lips pursed as she clicked her tongue against her teeth. “The three of us were thick as thieves after we met, and your parents were just as wild as me in their younger years in the Guard. If I’d pushed a little harder—actually committed when they were finally ready to settle—there might have been a decent shot they'd have let me join as a second wife.”
I gathered the cloud for a crib in silence, my brow furrowed as Aunt Mercy talked. When she sauntered up to help me pat it down and reached out her hoof though, I had to swat it away. “Not like that. Like this.” I showed her how Mom showed me, carefully smoothing with the gentlest of touches. “You’re going in with so much force my coat is tingling. You wanna bring down the thunder on my room again?”
“Mmmmm… maybe?” My aunt’s smirk was back in full force as I scowled at her. “Oh, come on, I’ll help you fix it! Screeheehee!”
“Like Tartarus you will.” With a huff, I shoved my hoof inside the cloud, fiddling around with it until I pulled out a hail stone. “See this? I know we’re not true blue pegasi, but how in the name of the Nightmother can you not feel yourself making this? Or the patches of static?”
Popping the hailstone out of my hoof and into her mouth, it was gone with a crunch that left Aunt Mercy licking her lips. “Tempered was just as bad, little mausebär—even with that topside house he grew up in. He ever tell you the story of how we both got barred from all guard-mandated weather maintenance?”
“Yeah.” I grunted and slapped my aunt’s hoof away again; just her setting it on the clouds I was working with raised my hackles from errant static and poor control. “He told me that one so I wouldn’t shirk Mom’s lessons. He also told me how much he practiced after that incident; that’s something you clearly haven’t done, so back off and let me do this.” With a snort, I may have pummeled— I mean, packed some of the clouds a bit tighter than I needed to. “Complete and utter horseapples. I can’t believe I have to pick up after you like this. You’re like a newly fanged foal.”
“Excuse me?” This time, it was the throaty growl my aunt made that raised my hackles. “It’s not like I asked you for help. Tell ya what. You go off and snog your fillyfriend and I’ll take care of your room too.”
“No way. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen.” I did my best to keep working and not growl in kind. “I barely even let Mom and Dad mess with my room; you don’t get that privilege.”
“I insist.” It was hard to tell what was hungrier, Aunt Mercy’s grin or the hot, itchy sun on my back.
“Go guzzle some guano. I’m not letting you destroy the house.” I turned to glower with such intensity that my aunt briefly reared her head back and flared her wings.
“Grrrrr… Why are you being so difficult about this? Seriously, go suck some filly face. I’ll be fine.”
“No. You. Won’t.” I growled as I turned and flared my own wings, casting her in shadow as she looked up at me.
“Yes. I. Will.” As my aunt’s growl shifted a bit lower, I noticed my ever unflappable cousin finally whimper a little and stir from her nap on her mother’s back. Aunt Mercy did too from the way her ear flicked and her scowl deepened. “Your father asked me to build the nursery, and Discord damn it all, you are not gonna stop me from doing that. Now... how about you back off before I go all the way to prove that, little mausebär. I will declare Schattenkrieg if I’ve got to.”
The two of us squared off in silence—jaws set, wings flared, stalking little circles around each other. I knew there was no way she’d really do it. Even she couldn’t be that reckless.
She took a step forward? I took two and called her bluff, forcing her to back.
The dance didn’t end there, though. Schweinehund that she was, Aunt Mercy continued to stalk and prod my defenses. I advanced again to the same result as she darted around me to avoid my attempts to corner her. When I growled in response, she had the audacity to shush me with a hip check so fast that she had bounced back to safety before I even knew what hit me.
And through it all, little Daisy was still miraculously snoozing away, even if it was now fitful and full of whimpers.
“Give it up, little mausebär. I’m not budging on this. You know why I can’t.” Whisper or not, my Aunt’s words hammered down on me.
I glowered and glared to no avail as we stood still and stared each other down.
Then, my Aunt took another step forward.
And I was the one stepping back.
“Discord damn it all….” I looked away. “You’re not bluffing are you? Fine. We’ll work on it together. Stars above, though, Aunt Mercy, you don’t play fair. I get you wanna impress Dad, but how the hay can you expect him or Mom to ever say yes when you pull stunts like this!” With a snort, I got my glower back together and gestured at my still slumbering cousin. “You can’t just waltz in and swing your daughter about like she’s a bloody flammenschwert!”
Rearing her head back, Aunt Mercy gave a whimpering whinny before curling herself in and sinking into her shadow. “Is that… Is that all you see it as? Daisy isn’t… I wouldn’t ever…” The silence that fell over us felt like eons rather than seconds, and my ears folded back as my aunt seemed ready to waver and evaporate in the sun. “Look, Night, I know I’m not really mom material compared to Morning, but—”
“Stop. Just stop.” I looked away again. “I was out of line, and I’m sorry.”
“Are you really?”
“No.”
“Do you… want me to leave and get a place in town?”
“No.”
“Well, what do you want, then?”
“I don’t know.”
That, at least, got one of us to smile wearily. “Isn’t that always the case?”
“Why do I get the feeling you aren’t talking about me there?” My eyes narrowed a bit as my aunt giggled.
“You never know~ Not knowing what they want is something just about every teenager angsts over.” Edging over to the forgotten crib, my aunt put my cousin back on her perch and shakily began trying to weave the clouds like I had been before.
“I don’t angst! I brood! Angsting is daydweller stuff!” I grumbled as I moved beside her to help straighten out her mistakes.
“Hrmmm… If you say so.” With a tsk, Aunt Mercy quickly pulled back a hoof as lightning crackled over the cloud.
Saying nothing for a while, I continued plucking hail out of the crib as Aunt Mercy sculpted it. “So… how the hay does that little twerp of yours manage to stay under like that?”
“Well~” My aunt grinned like a loon under moon. “It could be I’m just that good… or it could be I spiked her baby mush.” I scowled at her and she giggled. “Fine, fine. Want the truth? I don’t know, but I like to think I make her feel safe.” As I arched my brow at her statement, the giggle turned to a full on laugh as she plucked Pushing Daisies up to set her in the crib. “Here. Watch.”
The instant Aunt Mercy’s hooves left little Daisy, my cousin squirmed in her sleep and whimpered; the farther my aunt stepped back, the worse Daisy’s fitless rest became. When Aunt Mercy scrunched down as if to take off, the little bugger’s ear flicked as she sneezed and startled herself awake. She blinked blearily for a moment, then froze as she saw her mother.
“Mmmmnnnnaaa!” Squiggling forward, Daisy stuck her hooves through the bars reach for Aunt Mercy, wriggling more and more desperately as the enchanted clouds held. “Mmmmmnnnnaaaa! Mmna, mmna, mmna, mmmmmmna!” I almost didn’t catch it as her little horn sparked and lit, the little scamp disappearing in a flash to be replaced by the basket that was supposed to be on Aunt Mercy’s back.
“Holy—” I bit back my first two responses, quickly glancing at my aunt to see Pushing hugging around her mother’s neck. “—horseapples.”
“See?” Cocking the cockiest of grins, Aunt Mercy puffed out her chest. “Little pup can’t stand to be without her bitch.” Turning her head back, she nuzzled her now gurgling and giggly daughter. “Isn’t that right, you little bugger?”
“Pffflbtaabuu!” Daisy wagged her tail as she blew a raspberry into Aunt Mercy’s neck.
“Well, that sounds like a yes.” I gave a little smile as they continued to go back and forth, letting them have their fun as I went back to cleaning up the crib. “Was that her dad’s spell, by the way?” Picking up the basket from the crib, I set it to the side.
“Yeah…” Aunt Mercy’s face fell for a moment, ears splaying back even as Daisy doubled down on the nuzzling. “I was gonna get her a bracelet for it, but then—” She paused for a moment, biting her lip and gazing off into the great white beyond. “Then, daddy dead-to-me cut me off. Heh… It didn’t seem so important after that.”
“Well, talk with Mom and Dad, then.” Moving over to her, I rested a hoof on her shoulder. “Those aren’t the sort of surges you want happening on a whim, especially up here. Just imagine if she swapped places with a passing bird!”
“Oh?” The smirk was back in a flash as my aunt bared her fangs in a grin. “I bet you five bits she does it and learns to self-levitate before she hits the ground.”
“Pffft! Seriously?” Pulling my hoof back, I slugged her shoulder instead. “Don’t make me sic Mom on you.”
“Screeheeheehee! I dare you to try!” It was scary how dad-like the pose Aunt Mercy struck was. “Your mom’s old news, little mausebär. While she’s been stuck with a cushy captain’s job, I’ve been training on the front lines. No way she can still beat me!”
“Five bits says she creams you.” I chuckled as we both got back to work on the nursery.
“You know, that actually sounds great!” We paused to shake and her fate was sealed.
Oh, poor, sweet, innocent Aunt Mercy… if only she knew what it meant to be stationed in Ponyville under Princess Twilight Sparkle.