//------------------------------//
// Murder and Mayfemme 
// Story: FemmeFiction 
// by J Carp 
//------------------------------//

 

Trixie never really noticed how much Starlight brushed her mane.  It seemed very unnecessary: right out of the shower, it just draped into its usual purple-blue waterfall, and the thick strands were not really in danger of getting frizzy (unlike Trixie's own mane, which of course never looked bad but required a little more effort to look amazing).  Trixie had read somewhere ponies sometimes brushed their manes to relax, but judging by Starlight's mood, this was not her purpose either.

"It wasn't anything anyone did," Starlight grumbled.  "It was what they didn’t do.  I set the whole thing up, and they just... just forget I'm even there!"

Trixie poured herself a shot.  "Uh huh."  

"Okay, so they didn't need to talk to me.  Nothing went wrong.  But I'm not just tagging along!  It's not like I'd have a problem with what Ocellus is doing, but no one even asked me!  They talked to Miss Pommel  more than me, and she's just Rarity's girlfriend, or whatever!"  Starlight stopped brushing, glared at herself in the mirror, and then frantically began brushing again.  "Grrf!  And nothing against Miss Pommel!  She's great to talk to.  I wish I had talked to her more.  But she isn't the whole reason Ocellus is even here!"

Trixie drank her shot.  She poured another.

"It's just rude!"  Starlight finally put the brush down and went over to her dress.  She unzipped it and slipped it on, still ranting.  "Only that Gold Star pony even said anything to me.  And why?  Because everypony already knows Pinkie?  Well...gah!"  Her horn got caught in her dress, and she flailed a bit before pulling it over her head correctly.  "...Well, sorry I'm not as popular as Pinkie!  Everyone just made their decisions about how things would go and didn't include me at all!  I do all this work and everypony else just swoops in!  Aagh!"  

With that final groan of frustration, she took a deep breath, her magic zipping up the dress.  After a moment, she walked back over to the mirror, calmer.  "All right.  Sorry I asked you to come over here while I got ready, but I had to gripe about it to somepony."

She looked back at Trixie with a warm smile, which quickly became a frown as a shot glass floated right up to her face.  "Drink," Trixie declared.

"Oh, uh..."  Starlight took the glass into her own magic, frowning.  "This is, uh... 'pregaming,' right?  Do I have to?"

"No, buuuuuut it's part of the whole thing.  Buying overpriced cocktails is part of the whole thing, too, but you probably want to minimize that."

Starlight regarded her skeptically, then closed her eyes and dumped the shot down her throat.  She managed not to cough, but she did stick out her tongue.  "Gah!  If this is pregaming, sign me up for the overpriced cocktails!"

"You know what?  Me too."  Trixie screwed the lid back onto her bottle of cheap whiskey and set it on the table.  "This is the first time I've done this when I'm not just on tour, so I can actually afford them."  She smirked.  "This might actually be one way that having a real job isn't just for suckers."

"Uh, let's just add that to our running list of 'things you shouldn't say to your boss,'" Starlight replied.

Trixie chuckled unguiltily, glancing down at the piece of paper on the table next to the whiskey bottle.  "Hey, what's this?"

"Hmm?"  Starlight looked over, then widened her eyes in alarm.  "Nothing!  It's just..."

"'...you will feel confident and attractive.  And whenever you walk into a nightclub this weekend, you'll find it easy and natural to notice the creatures who look willing and free, and then to automatically introduce yourself to the one you find most attractive.’"  Trixie looked up, half-trying to keep from smirking.  "Starlight, what is this?"

"It's just... some things to think to myself!"

"Was this that 'great idea' you kept talking about before we left?  You want somepony to hypnotize you into being confident enough to pick up girls?"

"Gauugh!"  Starlight snatched the paper away.  "Fine.  Yes!  Moon Dancer did it on the train.  And it's not funny!"

"It's a little funny," Trixie pointed out.

"It's just a creative solution to a problem!  That's my thing!"  Starlight set the paper down on another table, then, for some reason, laid a book on top of it.

Trixie shrugged.  "Eh, I get it.  You gotta use magic to keep up with me as my wingmare."

"It's not magic," Starlight grunted.  "But... kind of yes?  You've done this before!  Mares like you!"

"They absolutely do."  Trixie turned leisurely to the door.  "Keep complimenting me, and I'll tell you all my secrets.  You ready to go?"

Starlight sighed, smiling.  "Sure, sure."  She walked towards the door, calmly.  "Oh, by the way, I love your dress.  You look..." Starlight paused, because she was trying to open the door and it was not working.  She glanced up, noticing a purple blob of magic up against the door frame, and turned around.  "Uh..."

"But before we leave," Trixie said, "we have to talk."

"What?  Wait..."

"I'm angry."  Trixie trotted over to the mirror, fluffed her mane, and looked back at her best friend.  "And I can't have fun while I'm angry."  She paused, tapping her chin in thought.  "Well.  That's not true.  I have lots of fun when I'm angry.  But not this kind of fun."  

"Trixie!" Starlight grunted.  "Seriously?  Seriously?! Is this the Ocellus thing again?  Seriously?!!  I can't keep apologizing for that!"

"Well, I'll never get tired of hearing you apologize."  Trixie smirked.  Starlight could take criticism, but this was dangerous ground, and so she tried to keep things playful.  "But that's not exactly it.  It's what you've been doing tonight."

"What?" Starlight asked, glaring.  "I can't, like, guess what you're mad about.  Just tell me."

Trixie raised an eyebrow.  "I just had to listen to you complain... at length... about other ponies doing the exact same thing to you that you did to me.  The thing you know I got mad about.  The thing you said you can't keep apologizing for."

"Oh, come on!" Starlight protested.  "This isn't the same thing at all!  I just did all this work with Ocellus, and I wanted it to go right, and they just... ignored that and took over and decided things would..."  She trailed off, frowning.  "Oh."

Trixie kept her voice even; not angry, not condescending.  "The thing is, you didn't even think this might get on my nerves.  So this makes me wonder if you even understood why I was mad in the first place."

Starlight glared.  "Of course I..."  She stopped.  Her brow unclenched, and she took a deep breath.  "All right.  Can you explain it?"

Trixie sat down, nodding.  She tried not to let her relief show, but it probably slipped a little.  "Okay, so, you know how some ponies judge me for the things I've done instead of giving me a chance to be a better pony?  And you relate to that because of your own experiences, and that was the whole original basis for our friendship?"

"I... think I do?"

"Well, you don't."

Starlight blinked.  "Then why did you a--"

"You wouldn't judge me based on my past," Trixie declared.  "I know you understand how bad that feels."  She paused, then just let it out: "But.  I think there was a part of that for me you never really got."

"I'm not sure you want to have an evil-off against me," Starlight pointed out hesitantly.  

"...No, I don't."  Trixie paused.  "Though I do have to say that when I was evil, I focused on quality over quantity, unlike some ponies I could mention."  Starlight glared, but it was one of her non-serious glares.  "Look, you've fought back from everyone assuming you're a terrible pony, and I really respect that.  You know I do.  But... you've always had your magic.  All your magic.  And everypony knows it.  But me?"  Trixie trailed off, then sighed.  "Come on, you're not going to make me say it, are you?"

"I.... think you're going to have to," Starlight answered, "because I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Grrph."  Trixie stared daggers down at the floor.  "You've had ponies look at you and assume you're evil.  But you've never had ponies look at you and assume you're a joke."

Starlight blinked, looking absolutely nonplussed.  "A joke?  What?" 

"It's not like I don't get it!" Trixie grunted.  "I brag all the time!  I don't think things through!  I'm always 'on!'  I keep talking about how powerful I am, but it's all tricks!  I'm selfish and lazy and annoying but basically harmless.  Right?"

"Trixie..."  Starlight hesitantly walked forward.  "I don't think any of that about you.  Neither do Sunburst or Moon Dancer or Maud or any of your other friends."

Trixie rolled her eyes.  "Well, obviously.  But... I know how ponies look at me.  I know what Jackapple and Twilight and Roombah Dratch think."

"You know perfectly well that's not their..."

"You get the point!" Trixie snapped.  "Lots of times, ponies think I can't be trusted to handle anything.  I'll just be comically irresponsible and go... bat my eyelashes in the mirror or something."

"Wait."  Starlight frowned.  "Didn't you, just a minute ago, say something about how having a real job is for suckers?"

Trixie narrowed her eyes.  "Sometimes, when creatures have bad habits, they artificially make a big deal about it. That helps reduce the tension and communicate shared awareness of the situation."

"Ah.  Okay.  Yes."

"Look.  I know I really shouldn't be trusted to do a lot of jobs."  Trixie glanced over to the side, adding under her breath, "Because a lot of jobs are boring and stupid."  She cleared her throat and resumed speaking normally.  "But I'm not just a joke.  I can do some things.  I can be a showmare, and I can be a guidance counselor."

Starlight nodded, eyes sad.  "Right.  And when I took over with Ocellus, that made you feel like I didn't trust you to do the job?"

"Yeah.  It was like..."  Trixie failed at not seeming sad.  "...like you didn't take me seriously."  She cleared her throat in hopes it would not hitch.  "I get that all the time... and it's tolerable!  Because I'm tough, and because it's mostly dumb ponies doing it!  But. I don't want to feel it.  Um.  From you."

Starlight looked at the floor for a moment, then made hesitant eye contact again.  "I'm sorry, Trixie.  It annoyed me when the committee did that to me, but... yeah, I never thought they looked down on me like you're saying.  I don't relate to it, so it didn't occur to me you'd be sensitive about it."

Trixie chuckled.  "Well, of course.  You're Starlight.  No one's going to think you're a joke.  You..."

"No!" Starlight snapped.  "Stop saying ponies think you're a joke!  It makes me really upset.  I wish I could do what you do!"

"'Do?'  What..."

"You put yourself out there!" Starlight interrupted.  "Everyone notices you, and you make sure no one forgets you.  And it's really you!  If anyone thinks you're a joke, it's just because everypony else is too ashamed to show all the little parts of themselves, but you do.  It doesn't even occur to you not to."  She shook her head in wide-eyed amazement.  "It's incredible."  She coughed softly.  "Um, okay, and it drives me completely crazy sometimes, too.  But I'm envious!  It's not something to feel bad about."

Trixie sat and blinked for a few moments.  "You're really mad about this."

"Well, it's true!  And look, I know you don't get along with all of my friends, but I really don't think they think that about you.  They were all really supportive of you being the new guidance counselor.  Everypony knows you're a good guidance counselor, and I'll try hard to not make you think I don't.  No matter what."  She blinked.   "Well, not 'no matter what,' you still have to be professional.  I just meant emotionally, not professionally, or..."  She trailed off, squinting thoughtfully.  "I reaaaaally shouldn't be my two best friends' boss, should I?"

"No, you should.  It's great."  Trixie smiled broadly, and then threw her hoof around Starlight's shoulder, flinging herself enthusiastically against her friend.  "I'm not mad anymore!"

"Oof!" Starlight buckled slightly under the sudden contact, but she stayed up.  "I'm, uh, glad."

Trixie trotted happily off to the hotel door and opened it.  "Before we got sidetracked, I believe you were telling me how super-gorgeous I look in my dress?" she called over her shoulder.  "Tell me more about that.  I want details!"

"Hey, Trixie!"  Starlight ran after her, distracted and blushing.  But, Trixie couldn't help but notice, she didn't look nervous anymore at all.












"It's not like I don't know what genders are," Ocellus explained, waving her tiny yak hooves around helplessly.  "We have genders.  We have three.  It's just... different."

Buster did not stop delightedly braiding her thick yak hair.  "Uh huh," he muttered.  She could feel his hooves and teeth poking and pulling on the back of her head; it was a very strange sensation.  "Different how?"

"I don't even know how to say it!"  She gestured out to the mass of creatures milling around the street fair.  "Everyone is something, right?"  She indicated a skinny, long-legged pegasus stallion strutting along.  "Like, that pony is a 'he,' right?  And you're a 'he.'  But you don't look the same to me at all.  It's on the inside."  

"Huh."  Buster was silent for a moment, then Ocellus felt a weird tug that was probably him shrugging.  "Well, tell me about your three genders, then.  How's that work?"

"Three genders!?" Pinkie Pie's voice yipped, startling Ocellus.  The laughter instructor was suddenly back, holding a tray with three different, brightly colored objects stuck into it.  "Are you sure you're old enough to hear about this, Ocellus?"

"I... think so?"  Ocellus glanced down at the carrying tray Pinkie had, trying not to betray any emotions.  "What are those?"

"Ee!"  Pinkie flashed an enormous, delighted grin.  "Snow cones!  Don't tell me you've never had a snow cone?!"

"Um."  Ocellus remembered not to move her head around too much so Buster could do his work, but in her heart, she recoiled back at least a few centimeters.  "Are they supposed to be... colored like that?"

"Duh!  They're sweet and frosty and delicious!  Purple's my favorite, but I love them all!  Here, pick one!"

Ocellus looked at the three snow cones, bemused.  One was green, one purple, one orange.  They all looked like hallucinations.  

She hesitantly reached down and picked up the green one.  Pinkie squealed, then held the tray behind Ocellus's head.  "Uh, I'll have orange," Buster said.  "Promise you won't tell Applebloom I'm eating anything orangey."

"Promise!  Want me to hold it until you're done?"

"Thanks."

By this point, Ocellus had almost mustered up the courage to put the strange, green thing into her mouth.  She scrunched up her face in determination, closed her eyes, and took a bite.

"Isn’t it ammmmaaaaaazing?!" Pinkie enthused.

It was not amazing.  It tasted like smarminess and violence.  The green nightmare coated her entire yak mouth, and it was all she could do to swallow.  But she forced her eyes open and smiled as sincerely as she could to Pinkie. 

 "The best part is, it'll turn your tongue green!  See?!"  Pinkie stuck out her own tongue, which was already bright purple.  Ocellus decided not to mention that she could change her tongue's colors any time she wanted, because her teacher was so delighted, the whole thing was really starting to feel like a laughter lesson.  She just nodded.

"Um, so, our gender's kinda hard to talk about," she said, hoping it was appropriate to segue back to the original topic and noticing no feedback otherwise.  "I don't think you really have words for it.  There's what I am most of the time, and that's pretty much what you call 'she.'  And then there's something like what you call 'he.'  But we also have, um, I've heard them called 'workers?'"

"Hum," Buster grunted.  "So workers are in the middle?"

"N...no, because shes and workers are close, and hes are more different.  I... actually don't think ponies are very good at telling shes and workers apart.  Workers are... well, they can't become queens, but that's a whole other thing."  She thought for a moment.  "Shes usually blink more than workers!  Workers blink the least.  Does that help?"

"The important thing is that you're a she," Buster said gruffly.  "Right?  You know you're a she, just like I know I'm a he.  So what's the problem?"

"It's not the same," Ocellus objected.  "Because for me, being a she is... okay, so, other changelings tell me it used to be each gender had a different job.  The shes explored new territory, the workers gathered emotions near the hive, and the hes dug tunnels.  So shes are 'out' and workers are 'up' and hes are 'down.'  And I guess I feel pretty out-y, living in Ponyville and everything.  But that's not who I am!  If I got uppier, I'd get more workery.  But that means I have to be a changeling on the inside, because I can't be a worker yak.  Except maybe I can?  Yona would probably say yaks are the best at gender.  But sometimes I'm, like, a chest of drawers, and those don't even have genders.  Or do they?  What do you think?"

"I think your braids are done," Buster replied, stepping away.

"I really hope I haven't been misgendering my chest of drawers!" Pinkie squeaked.  Then she relaxed.  "No.  We have a good relationship.  If Dame Sockbelly was upset with me, she'd let me know."

Buster paused, then made a clear decision not to think too hard about it.  He stepped in front of Ocellus, holding up a small mirror.  "Oh, wow!" Ocellus marveled.  "It looks so good!"  It was true: her braids were more complex than Yona's usually were, but they were just as tight and ropelike.  "It looks really... yak.  You know?  It looks like they do it.  You're really good!"

Buster smirked proudly and took his orange snow cone.  "Thanks.  So, I can't help you with any of that gender stuff; I don't know what you're even friggin' talking about.  But I'm getting pretty good at this."

Ocellus smiled, feeling and tasting that familiar friendship tang.  "Thanks for hanging out with us tonight.  I... hope you didn't miss anything important with the rest of the committee."

"Psh, you kidding?  I'm just glad to have a break from all the drama!  Gus and Northern Lights keep hooking up and then fighting and then hooking up again, and Pippy still hates Luna, and pretty much everyone has a crush on Gold Star, including Mr. Stripes's daughter, which is a nightmare, and Steven... you know, Steven's great, but they suck up a lot of the oxygen in a room sometimes.  Or... they suck up a lot of the water in the... you know what I mean!  I needed a night to just hang out and braid someone's mane."  

Ocellus felt herself smiling, partly at the words and partly at how delicious everycreatures' feelings were at the moment.  They sat and pony-watched for a bit.

"I used to be jealous of changelings," Buster remarked, completely out of nowhere.

Ocellus blinked.  "You did?  I… thought ponies were afraid of us."

"Nah.  You can just... change."  Buster's face was its typical collection of hard lines and gruffness, but there was a little bit of something else there, too.  "Ponies can't."  Casually and quietly, Pinkie reached to her side and placed her hoof on Buster's shoulder.  "But it's never that simple for anycreature, is it?"

"I... don't think I understand," Ocellus admitted.

"Eh, fuggetaboutit."  

Normally a dismissal like that would leave Ocellus anxious and perturbed, like there was unspoken trouble and unfinished business.  But this was different; Buster's grin was honest and sweet.  She nodded.  "I will forget about it," she promised sincerely.

They sat there in silence a few minutes more, just taking in the throngs of celebrators.








It was not the kind of bar Moon Dancer would have chosen for herself, but she knew she would easily be outvoted.  It didn’t take much to discern that Miss Pommel shared a “wine and cheese” kind of vibe with the other members of their little double date.  

So, after Fluttershy (with almost no apologizing, happily) ordered herself a glass of sweet rosé, and Rarity ordered a bottle for herself and Coco, Moon Dancer was forced to select from the paltry beer options.

She ordered a pale ale from Geldgium, preparing herself for a judgy response from the waiter, but it never came.  Whether it was because this place was less snooty than most wine-focused places, or because it was so crowded from pride that he was overworked, she couldn’t tell.  It had an olive bar, though.  She felt a completely unreasonable amount of contempt towards that olive bar.

But after their drinks arrived and Rarity excused herself for a strangely extended bathroom trip, she realized it provided an unexpected treat: Fluttershy apparently loved fancy olives, and watching her enjoy herself so purely made Moon Dancer happier than she had ever been.

“Oooh,” Fluttershy murmured, smiling adorably.  She passed one of the little black ones over to Coco.  “Try this one!”

Coco popped it in her mouth, chewing with thoughtful happiness.  “Oh, I like it a lot,” she enthused.  “It’s… a little tangy, and not too sweet.”  They both grinned at each other and it was legitimately the cutest thing Moon Dancer had ever seen.  Miss Coco glanced over at her.  “Are you sure you don’t want any?”

“I’m fine,” Moon Dancer replied.  She was currently willing to spend her life savings on olives for her fiancee, but that didn’t change that she despised the taste.  “It wouldn’t really pair well with this, anyway,” she added, holding up her beer.

“Mm, I guess that makes sense,” Coco said.  “I guess they expect everyone to order wine, here.”

“I feel a little silly,” Moon Dancer admitted.  “I’ve just never liked wine.  Every time I’ve tried… bleh, it just tastes like a rubber tire marinating in vinegar, to me.”

Miss Pommel giggled.  “I’m the same way with beer.  But ever since I started living on my own, nothing helps me after a stressful day more than a glass of good wine.”  She paused, then blushed.  “I mean… it’s not even the alcohol.  I can just think about all the flavors.  The… aesthetics of it?  I guess?”  She paused, then blushed even more.  “I probably sound very haughty.”

“Ha!” Moon Dancer smirked.  “I’m from Canterlot, so I have high standards for my elitism.  I’m an elitism elitist, you might say.  You having good taste doesn’t quite match up, sorry to say.”

“Oh.  Well.  Thanks.”  Coco held up her glass, smiling.  “Getting to enjoy this would make it worth it anyway, probably.  I need to be careful, or I’ll drink the whole bottle before Rarity even comes back.”

Moon Dancer noticed Fluttershy frowning very slightly.  Rarity had been in the bathroom for a while.  With the chemistry she and Coco seem to be having, it was surprising she wasn’t rushing back.

There was a pause; it might or might not have been uncomfortable (Moon Dancer felt like it was, but she also knew she had a lot of false positives with that sort of thing).  “So,” Miss Pommel ventured finally, “That committee was really something, huh?  It seems like you’ve met a lot of them before, but I was kind of intimidated!”

“Oh, believe me, I was freaking out, too,” Moon Dancer agreed.  “I’m… actually relieved to hear at least one pony didn’t notice.”

Fluttershy smiled empathically to Coco.  “Was it Steven?” 

“Um, yeah.  Partly.”

Moon Dancer nodded.  “Believe me, I get it.  He’s j—”  She shook her head, scowling at her own boneheadness.  “Grrph.  Sorry.  They are just so big! But they’re also a real sweetheart.”

“Yeah.”  Coco fiddled with her wine glass uncomfortably.  “It was also… Luna.  One of the former rulers of Equestria!  It was incredible just seeing her!”

“Ahhhh,” Moon Dancer replied.  “Yeah.  See, I guess we’re a little unique, there.  It’s kinda hard to be intimidated by that when you’ve seen the current ruler of Equestria accidentally put hot sauce instead of ketchup on her sandwich and then scream when she ate it.”

“Well… okay, but Princess Twilight is approachable.  Luna’s different!”

“I was afraid of Luna at first, too,” Fluttershy assured Coco.  “But she is a very nice pony.  And maybe even a little… um.  Nerdy?”

Miss Pommel gaped.  “Nerdy?”

“Mm-hmm.  Inside, she’s much more awkward and anxious than she seems on the outside.  It always helps me to remember that most ponies I find scary are like that.”  Fluttershy took a sip of her wine and then blushed.  “Most ponies.  I don’t think Mr. Stripes is anything but what he seems.  He was the one I was intimidated by.”

“Oh, that’s funny,” Moon Dancer remarked.  “Because I was freaking out that Dr. Pippy was there!  We were all anxious for totally different reasons.”

“Dr. Pippy?” Miss Pommel asked.

“Yeah, the donkey?  She’s a historian and philosopher.  Three PhDs.  Great writer, too.  She’s probably the reason they were saying all that stuff about being inclusive.  I know Twilight read a lot of her stuff to prepare for teaching the Friendship School.”

“Huh.”  Miss Pommel smiled nervously and adorably.  “Thanks.  I was worried I was alone and weird for feeling anxious.”

Moon Dancer laughed.  “Trust me, you will never be alone in feeling anxious when you hang out with us!”  She raised an eyebrow, glancing over at her fiancée.  “Um, but speaking of anxious, I’m getting kinda concerned about what’s taking Rarity so long.”

Fluttershy, luckily, picked up on the cue.  “Me too.  I’ll go check on her.”  With a demure smile, she excused herself to go to the restroom.

They were quiet for a moment.  Coco, with an uncomfortable but genuine smile, poured herself a tiny bit more wine, probably just for something to do with her hooves.  Moon Dancer suddenly felt like she knew what having a little sister is like.

“I bet I know what you’re thinking,” she remarked.

Miss Pommel looked up in surprise.  “Um?”

“I’ve been in the same position,” Moon Dancer explained.  “The Elements of Harmony.  Famous for not only saving Equestria dozens of times, but also representing perfect friendship skills.  It feels like they’re on some level above you.”

 “Oh.  …Yeah.”  Miss Pommel glanced over at the bottle, clearly caught between her desire for more alcohol and her fear of how bad it would look if half was gone before Rarity even poured her first glass. 

“I’m kind of lucky, because for me, it was Fluttershy,” Moon Dancer continued.   “She’s so gentle, I was in love with her before it even really resonated with me that she was a superhero.  Before I even knew it, we were almost engaged. The hardest part was her pet rabbit.  Don’t ask.”

Miss Pommel blinked up at her, suddenly alarmed.  “I’m not!  I! I don’t think it’s really the same thing for me and Rarity!”

Moon Dancer pulled back, surprised.  “Huh?  Why not?”

“I mean… I’m not assuming it’s the same thing!” Coco clarified.  She hung her head shyly.  “I guess it’s probably easy to tell that I’d like it, if it was.  But I don’t necessarily think that Rarity would…”  She trailed off and went ahead and poured herself another half glass.  “…you know.”

“Miss Pommel.”  Moon Dancer stared at her companion.  “Hey.  Look at me.”

Gulping, Coco made eye contact.  She was actually sweating, she was so nervous.  Moon Dancer hadn’t noticed before.

“It’s not my place to tell you anything I might know about Rarity’s intentions,” Moon Dancer said.  “But I’ll just say: what you’re worrying about?  You don’t have to worry about it.”  She leaned forward.  “So you can relax.  Get me?”

“Oh.”  Coco paused, then nodded.  “…Really?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Moon Dancer replied, sipping her beer.

Coco nodded.  And she even smiled a little.  It was adorable.  “Thank you,” she said.  There was a pause, and then she added.  “Congratulations on your, um, upcoming engagement.  I’ve always thought Fluttershy was so sweet; it’s really nice she has somepony she loves.”

Moon Dancer felt herself smile-blushing; it felt nice.  “Did you meet them all together?”

“Yes.  It’s… kind of a long story.  Um.”  Miss Pommel coughed lightly.  “She was very nice, I think?  I didn’t pay much attention to anypony but Rarity.”  She sipped her wine, relishing the memory.  “She wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met.  She was a good pony, she just gave and gave without even thinking about it.  But… I don’t know how to put it.  She was so joyful about being good.  It made her day.  I hadn’t known anyone could be like that.” 

She paused, then cowered very slightly.  “I knew ponies could be generous!  But I didn’t know you could be generous and happy at the same time.  I thought you had to choose.  Maybe it’s pathetic I had to meet someone like Rarity to stop thinking that way, but I did. She is really, um.  Special.  Like that.”

“Heh.”  Moon Dancer took a thoughtful sip and nodded.  “It’s not pathetic, by the way.  It’s the curse of being smart and anxious.”

“Oh!  Well.  I can be anxious sometimes…”

“The whole world is full of dangers and humiliations and disappointments.  Disappointments are the worst, for me.   But if you’re smart, you can figure out how to avoid it all.  So, you make rules to follow that minimize the problem, and then you forget you made them up.”

Smirking, she noticed it was almost nostalgic to talk about the Dark Old Days.  “You know what I did?  I said, ‘I can’t be happy if I interact with other ponies.’  And once in a while someone would walk up and go, ‘Hey, aren’t you lonely and bored?’ And I’d go, ‘Who cares! I’m following the rules, so it’s got to be better than the alternative! No disappointment!’”

Coco stared at her with wide, wondering eyes, pressing a hoof against her mouth.  “It’s… for me, it’s when anyone thinks I’m… naïve or a little filly.  Because of the way I look.  So… so I assumed anything bad was just the way things were, and I wouldn’t let myself question it, because everyone might think I’m naive.  I’d work ninety hours a week, but that was better than finding out I was dumb to ever think I shouldn’t have to.”  She hummed to herself quietly.  “How did you stop thinking that way?  Was it Fluttershy?”

“Nope, it was some other friends.  A group of them.  But Fluttershy’s a pretty happy ending.”  Moon Dancer waggled her eyebrows.  “Looks like your happy ending’s coming back from the bathroom, finally.”

Miss Pommel blushed, and it was just a few seconds later that Rarity reappeared at the table, smiling gregariously.  “I am so sorry!” she enthused to Coco, sitting down very close to her colleague.  “I’m afraid I had to reapply some of my make-up; you understand.”  She filled her glass from the wine bottle and took a sip.  “Ah, wonderful to relax with such pleasant company!”

Moon Dancer smiled, but she stopped when she noticed Fluttershy returning, a weirdly discomfited expression on her face.  Moon Dancer raised an eyebrow, but Fluttershy kept looking at Rarity.

Their two companions were paying no attention at all, though.  Coco blushingly indicated the wine bottle.  “Do you like it?  It’s one of my favorites, but it’s not exactly a traditional…”

“I adore it!” Rarity exclaimed.  “And I’m hardly surprised, my dear.  Your excellent taste is one of the many things I love about you.”

Nopony said anything.  Fluttershy frowned uncomfortably and… a little angrily?  Coco was completely frozen, like someone took a photograph of her exiting an extremely jarring carnival ride.  Rarity seemed to not even realize what she’d said before a moment, and she coughed awkwardly.  “Yes.  It’s quite delicious,” she added.

She hovered the glass over to Moon Dancer and Fluttershy.  “Would you like to taste it?  The richness is exquisite.”

“No, thank you,” Fluttershy said, and Rarity didn’t react at all.

“Yeahhh, same for me,” Moon Dancer added.  “I, uh, don’t think it’d taste very good after my beer.”

“Ohh you and your artisanal beers!” Rarity exclaimed weirdly.  Laughing, she leaned over and pressed her hoof against Moon Dancer’s shoulder.

“Uh,” Moon Dancer said.

Rarity smirked at her with a half-lidded gaze and it was very surreal to see.  “Why, one of the most cultured and brilliant ponies I know, and she doesn’t even drink wine.”  She leaned over to Coco conspiratorially.  “I don’t know how Fluttershy puts up with her.  Well, other than her being so pretty, of course.  Coco, don’t you think Moon Dancer is just so pretty?”

Coco looked like she wanted to immediately die; Fluttershy looked like she immediately wanted to commit murder.  Moon Dancer suspected she looked like both.

Rarity just kept going: “You looked to be having such a deep conversation when we were coming back from the restroom! Why, I could see the two of you making an adorably wonderful couple, if she wasn’t already with Fluttershy.”

Very luckily, at that moment, the door to the wine bar slammed open, startling everyone inside.  Photo Finish walked in, wearing a brown wig and flanked by her entourage. 

“This is not a disguise!” she screeched.

Rarity and Fluttershy stared at the new arrivals, nonplussed, as a hostess led them to a table not too far away from their own.  Photo Finish sat, directly facing them, staring.  

Coco had both of her forehooves pressed against her face.

“Oh, dear,” Rarity remarked.  “How strange!”  

Moon Dancer knew two things about Photo Finish: she was some sort of living performance art piece, and she terrified Fluttershy.  She noticed she was leaning close to her fiancée protectively, but Fluttershy barely even seemed bothered.

Rarity at least knew to protect her sensitive friend, even if she didn’t seem to need it at the moment.  “I… suppose I should go say hello?  Coco, would you like to come?”

Coco nodded, looking as if she was calculating in her head exactly how loudly she wanted to scream.  “Just pardon us a moment, girls!” Rarity sang, and the two of them went over to Photo Finish’s table.

Moon Dancer looked over at her fiancée in alarm.  “What happened in the bathroom?” she whispered frantically.

Fluttershy glowered, an odd sight.  “Rarity is…”  She trailed off, unable to find the words.  “I don’t know.  She’s not…”

“I do not know you!!” Photo Finish barked from the other table at their startled friends.  “I am a pegasus and my name is Sky Horse!!!”

Fluttershy was thrown off her game by that.  "I just don't know," she eventually said. 

"Does she like Coco or not?" Moon Dancer asked.  "It seemed so obvious, but now I don't know!"

Fluttershy just frowned helplessly and didn’t say anything else.  But, when their friends returned, they were giggling, Rarity bumping affiliatively up against Miss Pommel.

“My goodness, I should stop thinking she can’t surprise me!” Rarity whispered laughingly.  She leaned slightly against Coco.  “Such a character.”

“I can’t believe she didn’t even try to put fake wings on or anything,” Coco chuckled, leaning back. 

“I wonder why she’s here,” Rarity remarked.  “Could it be Pride?”  Coco opened her mouth, but Rarity cut her off.  “Actually, no.  I should refrain from gossip; it’s a terrible habit.  One should look one’s best when trying to impress a beautiful mare, after all.”

Miss Pommel just closed her eyes, a serene smile on her face, and rested her head against Rarity’s shoulder.

Rarity gave her a slight nuzzle, and Moon Dancer felt herself smile.  But then she noticed that Fluttershy still looked unhappy, maybe even more than before, so she looked again.  There were small cues, in the sapphire eyes, in the slight clenching of the forehead, the tension in the shoulder Coco was touching.  Rarity was uncomfortable.

She noticed that they noticed.  No one said anything.  Photo Finish began walking in a slow, wide circle around their table, staring at them through little opera binoculars.

The silence was broken by the waiter, whose tired friendliness would have been charming under other circumstances.  “May I get anyone anything else?” he offered pleasantly.  He nodded to Fluttershy.  “Another glass of rosé, perhaps?”

Fluttershy opened her mouth to reply, but Rarity jostled forward, startling Miss Pommel and nearly making her fall over.  “I’m very much interested in what you recommend,” she purred. 

He paused for a moment.  “If you enjoyed your previous bottle, I’d perhaps suggest the Fienile di Vino Gomosso, 944?  It’s similar, but a bit fruitier.  Less oaky.”

She rested her elbows on the table and her chin on her hooves, staring dreamily at the waiter.  “How delightful,” she replied.  “We’re so fortunate to have such a helpful and handsome stallion as our waiter!”  She reached out and pressed her hoof against his leg, looking back at the others with starry eyes.  “Isn’t he just so handsome?”

Coco’s expression was unreadable.  “All right…” the waiter said hesitantly, probably sensing that whatever happening was bigger than him.  “So, would you like a bottle of that, um…”  he tapped the bottle next to Rarity lightly.  “…after you’re done with the other half of this? Or…”

“No, thank you,” Fluttershy answered, glaring at Rarity.

“Ah,” the waiter replied.  “Well then, I will be.  Um.”  No one said anything to him. 

“I’m going to walk away, now,” he announced.  He stiffly turned and left.  Moon Dancer appreciated his social skill.

Fluttershy looked mildly irritated, which was a sign she was boiling over with rage, so Moon Dancer jumped to her hooves.  “Rarity,” she announced firmly.  “Come with me.  I need olives.”

Rarity had the gall to look confused.  “Olives?  But...”  

“Getting olives is a two-pony job!” Moon Dancer snapped.  With no further explanation, she walked toward the olive bar.  Thankfully, Rarity followed behind.

As soon as they got far enough away from their own table, Moon Dancer pulled Rarity off to a dark, somewhat secluded corner.  There were still ponies everywhere, but Moon Dancer’s body language efficiently communicated that everyone should walk in a wide arc around them.

“What are you doing?!” Moon Dancer whisper-screeched. 

Rarity opened her mouth, probably to feign ignorance again, but she caught herself.  She was silent.

“I thought you were on a date with Miss Pommel!  Why are you hitting on the waiter right in front of her?  Or me?!”  Rarity shrunk in on herself, which only made Moon Dancer more frustrated.  “She really likes you.  You know that, right?  Her heart is breaking, over there!  If you don’t like her, you need to tell her right now and get it over with!”

“I do like her,” Rarity replied, voice soft but ragged. 

“Uggggh!  Well, okay, back to the original question, then: what are you doing?”

Rarity let out an appalled little miserable laugh.  “I don’t think I have the slightest idea,” she answered.

“Well, figure it out!” Moon Dancer snapped, before stomping away.  As she passed the olive bar, she grabbed a magic blobful at random.

Walking back up to the table, she took a deep breath.  She had mostly done that to spare Fluttershy from a confrontation she’d likely be guilty about, and because she knew her temper, utilized wisely, was very effective at setting ponies straight.  But she was actually really mad, back there. 

Coco’s hoof was on the table, with Fluttershy’s resting against it, but they weren’t saying anything.  “I’m sorry about that,” Moon Dancer said, levitating the olives over to Fluttershy, who sweetly managed a grateful smile even in the midst of everything.

“It’s okay,” Coco replied softly.  “You aren’t the one who… um.  I mean.  Thanks.”

And then, before anyone was ready, Rarity was back.  “Coco,” she said, following it up with nothing.

Coco was cowering, looking around the room helplessly.  She locked eyes with Photo Finish, who was taking pictures of them with a tiny camera, and frowned.

“Rarity.”  Coco drew herself to her full (still small) height.  She stared her date in the eyes firmly.  “I like you.  I’ve had a crush on you since we met.  I really want to have a romantic relationship with you.”

Rarity did not reply.  Her mouth fell open; she looked gobsmacked by Miss Pommel’s firmness.

“I need you to clearly answer a question for me,” Coco declared.  “Something I’ve been wondering all night.”  Her eyes were stern.  “Is. This. A. Date.”

Rarity did not answer.  She was sweating, terrified and tense.

“Yes or no.”

Rarity opened her mouth.  She closed her mouth again.  She said nothing.  She just stared, helplessly.

Miss Pommel wilted like a week-old salad.  “Okay,” she said, very softly, all traces of confidence gone.  “I’m sorry I thought you might…”

She ran for the door, her first sob clearly audible to everyone at the table.  “Miss Pommel!” Fluttershy called, taking a few steps after her.  She paused and looked back.  “I’m going after her.  Please do not follow us, Rarity.”  After sharing a nod of understanding with Moon Dancer, she scampered off.

Rarity didn’t try to follow them.  She just stared at the table, an expression of forlorn bewilderment across her features. 

Moon Dancer could hear her own voice echoing in her ears: Miss Pommel. What you’re worrying about?  You don’t have to worry about it.  A black hole of guilt opened up in her chest.

“I swear, I didn’t know this would happen,” Rarity murmured, not looking at her.  “I didn’t know she would like me.  I didn’t know I would like her.  I thought it would just…”  Her voice trailed off.

Moon Dancer realized the black hole in her chest was actually anger.  “I have to leave,” she said simply. “And I hate olives.”

Rarity nodded.  “Don’t worry about the check, darling,” she muttered weakly, still looking down at the floor.  “Everything’s on me, tonight.”

Moon Dancer paused for one moment: was her rage keeping her from recognizing that Rarity shouldn’t be left alone?  But her (girlfriend’s) friend didn’t look frantic or irrational.  Just sad and confused.  Satisfied, Moon Dancer stormed out.









Miss Pommel wasn’t fully crying; she was doing a half-crying thing where she’d sniffle every few seconds and there were tears, but she wasn’t giving herself over to sobs.  Fluttershy worried her presence was counterproductive; she was keeping Coco from getting her feelings out.  She hadn’t said anything since giving her address to the cabbie; maybe she should have just let her go alone?

But after a final sniffle, Miss Pommel looked up at her with a wavering smile.  “Thank you,” she said.  “I didn’t know what to do with myself after running out of there.”

Fluttershy smiled back, resting her hoof against Coco’s front leg.  That appeared to be enough.  It was quiet, except for the clop clop clop of the cabbie.

“I don’t want you to validate the thing I’m about to say,” Coco said.  “I’m saying it out loud for my own sake.”

“All right.”

“I didn’t embarrass myself by thinking Rarity might like me back.”

Coco nodded to herself, but Fluttershy felt awkward.  “Um… if it matters, I could validate it.  Would you like me to?”

Coco thought for a moment.  “Yes, please.”

“You didn’t embarrass yourself for thinking that.”

Coco leaned against her.  “...Do you know… why she was acting like that?”

Fluttershy paused, frowning.  Finally, she just said it: “I think… it might kind of.  A little bit?  Be.  My fault.  In a way.  Indirectly.”

She did not receive the anger she half-expected.  “Hm?  What do you mean?”

“She… I think she’s upset that I’m getting married.  She’s jealous and worried, and it’s making her...um.  Not act her best..”  Fluttershy took a deep breath, trying to keep from getting too anxious.  “I’ve been able to tell she felt that way for a while, but I kept avoiding talking to her about it.  I’m sorry.”

“It is not your fault!!” a stern voice barked from the seat next to her.

Fluttershy emitted a frantic squeak and dove over Miss Pommel in fright, cowering between her and the door.  She quiveringly peeked over and saw, head flung back in pride, Photo Finish sitting there in the cab with them.  Not a hair on her brown wig was out of place.

“How!” Fluttershy babbled.  “How did… did you…”

“I sneak!!” Photo Finish screeched, as if that explained everything.  Coco seemed decidedly less startled by this whole thing, and she just nodded in greeting.

“If she is envious of her friend, then she must be honest about it!” Photo Finish declared.  “Even if it is difficult to do so!  I am baffled and perplexed that she has not had cause to learn such a lesson yet.  I COMFORT!”  With that startling yelp, she reached over and patted Coco on the head twice.

“I finish comforting,” she informed them.  “And the observations of Rarity’s body language are conclusive!  She finds you attractive.  But!  She is too immature to date.”

Coco smiled and nodded.  “Thank you.”

“I GO!” Photo Finish yelled, and she literally jumped out the window of the cab, rolled to a stop, and then trotted off like nothing extraordinary had happened.

Fluttershy was too gobsmacked to say anything for the entire rest of the cab ride.  But Miss Pommel didn’t seem to mind.  She already looked like she felt better.








For the first night, Trixie decided to start simple: a place that wasn’t too crowded or noisy and wouldn’t require too much of a wait to get in.  Still for singles, but maybe a slightly older crowd.  Not the most exciting place for her, but anything more would probably overwhelm poor Starlight, who looked to be freaking out just walking in and standing near the bar.

“All right,” Starlight said bluntly, “I’m going to do it.”

“Right away?” Trixie asked.  “Before you even get a drink?”

“I have to, before I chicken out.”  Starlight nodded her head in the vague direction of a lone pegasus who seemed to be waiting for her friends.  “Her.”   Starlight paced in place nervously.  “I can do this, right?  It’s easy.  Just, ‘Hi, I’m Starlight Glimmer.’  Easy, right?”

“Easy!” Trixie agreed.

Starlight nodded once, fixed a grim look of determination on her face, and marched off towards the unsuspecting mare like a prisoner of war being led to the interrogation room.

Trixie scanned the crowd.  The place was a little dead, but there seemed to be a decent number of mares who were likely on the market.  A couple of them glanced in her direction.  She flashed a coy smile.

“I’m back!” Starlight announced, appearing by her side suddenly.

Trixie raised an eyebrow.  “Already?”

“I walked up to her, told her I was Starlight Glimmer, and then immediately walked back here!  I think I’m ready to go back to the hotel now!”

“You’re kidding me.”  

“Nope!  I said the thing and looked at her and realized she was even prettier than I thought and my throat got tight and then I just left!  Is she looking at me?”

Trixie glanced over at the object of Starlight’s affection.  “Yes.  She looks very confused.”

“Well, I’m more humiliated than ever before in my life!  Trixie, this is the worst.  It’s the worst!  How have you done this a bunch of times?”

“It gets easier.”

“I certainly hope so!”  Starlight took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.  “Look, we have two more nights.  Let me just get my freak-out out of the way tonight and I’ll do more tomorrow.  You stay!”

“Hmph.”  Trixie sat down, pouting.  “Well.  Fine.  But I am not letting you do this tomorrow night or Saturday night!  If I’m going to be really successful, I need my super-hot wingmare!”

Starlight groaned, blushing.  “Yes.  Okay.  I promise.  Is she still looking at me?”

“No.  Her friends got here and she’s talking to them.  She looks fine.”

“That’s a relief.  I’ll see you in the morning, ok?  Good luck.”  Starlight leaned over and nuzzled Trixie briefly, then pulled back and awkwardly strode out of the club.

Trixie shrugged.  It actually went better than she had expected.  She headed to the bar and leaned against it, coolly scanning the crowd.

The bartender approached and nodded to her.  “What’ll you have?”

“Give me the bluest drink you can make.”

The bartender stared.  “The… what?”

Trixie did not clarify.  The bartender shrugged and went to work.  

The drink Trixie received was blue enough.  Not the bluest she’d ever had, but a decent seven on the blue scale.  She handed some bits over and took a sip.

“Trixie,” said a voice next to her.  It was a familiar voice, but delivered with an unusually musical timbre.

Trixie looked to her left.  A white unicorn stood there, looking fabulous, giving her a half-lidded gaze.

Trixie blinked.  “What are you doing here?”

“I should hope it’s obvious, darling.” 

“Huh.”  Trixie shrugged, sipping more of her cocktail.  “Should I even bother using a pick-up line?”

“Oh, why not.  Give me your best one.  A lady likes to feel flattered.”

“Well, too bad.  I don’t use pick-up lines.  My stunning beauty does the job by itself.”

Rarity smirked.  She took a step closer.