//------------------------------// // Night Time Reflection // Story: Homer in Equestria: The Less Than Epic Saga // by Barry the Brony //------------------------------// Homer in Equestria: The Less Than Epic Saga By Barry the Brony After the excitement in the forest it was decided that Critter and the CMC should probably call it a day. Escorting them back to town along with Homer and Spike, they bid the fillies goodbye but not before Twilight honored her promise to Critter by providing her with not one, but three locks of her hair for study. It took a good six minutes for Critter to stop squealing. Yet when they all arrived at Sugarcube Corner they were greeted by a fresh mystery. Taped to the front door was a note with the words ‘To Homer’ written on it. At least that’s what they thought it said, it was hard to tell underneath all the glitter, confetti and stickers. “Well gee, I wonder who left it.” Spike said with as much snark as he felt the situation deserved, namely all of it. “Okay I get that it’s for me but uh, you guys sure it’s not going to explode or something?” Homer asked. Twilight started to make a remark, then she remembered who they were talking about and gave it a little more thought. “Okay, I can’t promise it won’t explode, but I can promise Pinkie would never intentionally harm anyone so I’m….ninety percent sure it’s safe to open?” “Good enough for me,” Homer pulled the note off the door and unfolded it, squinting as he read what had been scribbled inside. “It says ‘prepare for a surprise pounce’. Wait, how can you prepare for something if it’s meant to be a sur-” The door burst open as a pink and orange blur launched itself at Homer hitting him in the midsection and knocking him a good five feet back flat on his ass. Pinkie Pie, who for reasons known only to her, the author and God was dressed as a tiger, bounced up and down on Homer’s stomach. “Hiya Homer! I wanted to give you a surprise hug/pounce when you got back but then I remembered you asked for warning the next time I showed up all of a sudden so I left you a note! Did it work?” “Well lemme check,” Homer reached underneath Pinkie and patted himself down. “Pants are dry!” He said, giving her a thumb’s up. “YAAAAAAAAAAY!” Pinkie cheered. Twilight just stared blankly at all of this before she let out a long sigh. “Okay, that’s it, I’m clocking out. He’s all yours Pinkie.” “You sure you don’t want to stay for dinner Twilight?” Pinkie asked as she hopped off of Homer’s stomach. Twilight couldn’t help but give a slight twitch at the thought of spending any more time with Homer after the day she’d already had, and that was without the added presence of Pinkie Pie. But she knew her friend meant well. “I appreciate the offer Pinkie really, but it’s been a long day,” Twilight said. “And I have an even longer night ahead of me getting started on figuring out how to get Homer home. The sooner I get to work the better.” “Aww, well you know you’re welcome to stop by anytime you like Twilight!” Pinkie chirped, giving the little Alicorn a hug and then giving a second one to Spike. “Hang on Twilight, wasn’t there something you were going to give Homer?” Spike interjected. “Something I was going to-” Twilight started to say before her eyes lit up. “Oh! Oh wow I completely forgot, thank you Spike! Homer, this is for you.” Twilight used her magic to summon something seemingly out of thin air and floated the object over to Homer. “Oh it’s a...book.” Homer said trying to sound at least a little enthusiastic. Homer had a very limited knowledge of literature unless it was ‘Magic School Bus’ ‘Little Critter’ or ‘Berenstain Bears’. But hey, a gift was a gift. “Actually it’s a journal to be precise.” Twilight explained. “When I first moved to Ponyville, I had a hard time settling in, but writing my thoughts down as I experienced life here really helped put things in perspective. So I thought maybe you might like to do the same.” Homer looked down at Twilight with surprise. “You...actually think my thoughts are worth putting down on paper?” Twilight looked up at Homer a little confused, but she didn’t hesitate to nod. “Well yeah, I don’t see why not.” “Huh, that’s a first. Thanks Twilight, that was really sweet of you.” He said patting her gently on top of the head. Somehow the earnestness in his voice when he said that made the whole day worthwhile to Twilight, smiling up at him. “That’s what friends are for.” She said nuzzling his hand. “Alright Homer, I think Pinkie can take it from here, but I’ll see you at the castle tomorrow okay?” “Bye Homer! Bye Pinkie!” Spike called waving from his perch on Twilight’s back as they walked away. Homer and Pinkie waved back until they were out of sight before they went in to join the rest of the Cakes for dinner. Considering how much craziness had happened that day, the evening was surprisingly quiet, at least by pony standards. Pumpkin kept trying to eat the buttons on Homer’s outfit, and Pinkie asked a million questions about his day, but once dinner was done and it was time for bed, it wasn’t long before the lights in Sugarcube Corner went out one by one. Soon the only light on in the building was the lamp next to Pinkie’s bed up in her room. Rarity had dropped off some more clothing for Homer while he was in Canterlot, so now he was sitting up in Pinkie’s bed in simple but well made pajamas with Pinkie curled up next to him wearing a rather adorable onesie. Homer stared down at the open journal in his hands, tapping the blank page with a pencil as if that would magically make words start to appear (hey, it was Equestria, as far as he was concerned all bets were off). He wanted to write something, but where to begin? “Hmm, how do they always start an entry in Star Trek again? Oh yeah.” Homer stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he slowly began to write. Homer’s Log Stardate...uh, The Day After Yesterday. My first full day in Equestria has come to an end. Since I woke up I went tumbling down a hidden fun slide, went face first through a window, almost exposed myself to a couple of the locals, made a princess laugh so hard she fell out of her chair, listened to a CRAPLOAD of exposition from said princess, and was drugged and hogtied by a bunch of kids with no volume control. Pretty typical tuesday all things considered For the first time in my life I understand my daughter’s obsession with ponies. Granted the one Lisa had didn’t talk and liked to poop where she stood (not that I wouldn’t like to do the same, but you know, got to be polite and all that). Honestly if the ponies back home were like the ones here? I would have bought one for Lisa ages ago. Homer paused in his writing hearing Pinkie murmur something in her sleep. Reaching over he stroked her hair causing her to give a happy noise before she quieted back down. Giving the matter a little thought, Homer gave a very quiet chuckle and added another line to what he had already written And maybe one for me too. Everyone assures me they’ll do everything they can to get me home but the funny thing is, I almost don’t want to leave. Everyone is so nice to me, the food is fantastic, and the two ladies running Equestria actually care about the people they are in charge of! Granted the lack of beer or television kind of sucks. In fact I feel like it makes me want to… Homer looked at the wall again, squinting in thought. Well it makes me want to do something, something, but the feeling goes away pretty fast, especially if one of the ponies does or says something cute. And yet… Homer looked over at his wallet, propped up on the table next to his bed so he could see the picture of his family. He gave a soft sigh and continued to write. And yet as wonderful as this place is, it’s just not home. I miss my wife, I miss my kids, even the boy to a lesser extent. I don’t know how long I could be stuck here, or what might change back in Springfield while I’m gone. There are just so many ways this can go wrong. Homer looked up from the journal and out the window at the starry night sky. A lot of people chalked up his constant napping to inherent laziness, but that was only partially the cause. Marge was one of the only people who knew just how hard it could be for him to get to sleep at night sometimes. During the day, surrounded by people and a million little distractions, it was easy for Homer to live in the moment and not put much thought into something unless he really tried. But the night was different. When it was him all alone in bed save for Marge who was often asleep, all the big scary questions and thoughts without any easy answers started to prowl around in Homer’s head. Was he a good person? Did he deserve Marge and the kids? How many more screw ups could they forgive him for before he’d wake up one day and they were just...gone? And now here he was in an alien world who knew how many lightyears from home, which led to even bigger and more frightening questions. Did time move differently here then it did back home? Would Homer make it back only to find out everyone he knew and loved was long dead? What if it was an alternate version of Earth ruled by intelligent monkeys and his family was being forced to toil away in their underground banana mines? What if… Homer was snapped out of his funk by the now familiar feeling of a pair of hooves wrapped around his stomach. Looking down he blinked at the sight of Pinkie giving a tiny yawn, blinking one eye and then the other as she looked like she could drift back to sleep at any moment. “Homer? You okay?” “I...yeah I’m okay, just thinking about a lot of stuff is all. I didn’t wake you did I?” Homer asked. Pinkie shook her head, giving another yawn for maximum cuteness. “Pinkie Sense,” She mumbled her eyes drooping even as she spoke. “Twitchy nose, means someone’s having a deep introspective crisis.” Her nose twitched visibly as if to emphasize this. “Well, I guess I am sort of. Lot of stuff can go wrong between now and Twilight figuring out how to get me home. I guess a lot of worse case scenarios are bouncing around up here on top of all the usual stuff.” Homer said pointing at his head. Pinkie smiled and nodded. “S’okay, Twilight’s really smart, and we’re all here for you okay? That’s what…” She let out something between a yawn and a squeak that was big enough to show off her tonsils. “Friends are for…” Pinkie nodded off but her arms remained wrapped around Homer, her snoring resuming after a moment. Homer just looked down at the little pony, remembering how Twilight had said the same thing before he smiled and resumed writing. It would be a lot to handle if I was all on my own, but then again, I’m not really alone am I? Almost from the moment I showed up here in Ponyville I’ve been surrounded by some of the nicest, kindest sweetest people on four legs I’ve ever met. Hell, aside from Moe, Lenny, Carl, Barney and POSSIBLY Flanders, the number of people in Springfield I’ve been able to call a friend has been pretty small. But here I’ve already made at least seven friends right off the bat since coming here! There’s Twilight, who reminds me a lot of my daughter Lisa except she’s purple and can shoot lasers. Then there’s Pinkie Pie, she’s like a stuffed animal full of gumdrops and drugs. Plus she makes the best cupcakes you’ve ever had! Hmm, should probably ask if she puts drugs IN the cupcakes at some point. Rainbow Dash reminds me of Bart which makes me a little uneasy. Fluttershy’s so cute it borders on physically sickening, Rarity is fussy but she’ll help out anyone in need and Applejack- Homer stopped for a moment and stared at the wall with a blank look for a minute. Eventually he shrugged and continued to write. -Has a really nice hat. Oh and then there’s Spike, he’s a dragon! I know right? I was a little disappointed he doesn’t sound like Sean Connery or Benedict Cumberbatch but eh, not his fault. Right now the two biggest things keeping me going right now are these kids, and the hope of being reunited with my family. I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but I choose to believe with a little help from my new friends I’ll see them again someday. Until then, not much else to do but take it a day at a time and see what tomorrow brings. Sincerely, Homer Simpson. His writing complete, Homer set down the journal, turned out the light and carefully slid down under the sheets so as not to disturb Pinkie who still had a good grip on him. He yawned as despite all the questions in his head, the warmth of Pinkie’s presence and the sound of her breathing lulled him to sleep. And so the first day of Homer’s strange new adventure in Ponyville came to a close. Considering how eventful it had already been, tomorrow was bound to be a little less hectic. ...Right?