Here I lay playing another game of twenty questions, except it was the same question of, 'what happened' every, single, time. Seemingly no matter how much I explain my story, no one will believe it. Guess that shouldn't have surprised me... But as for why they didn't believe me, I couldn't tell if it was because I was a filly, it was too absurd a story, a mix of both or something else. Regardless of reason it was an immense annoyance.
This time was no different. New shmuck, same question every time. I should have guessed from the moment he walked in this was going to be a long, pointless, circular interrogation. After all he had the same feign look of care all the other doctors had and ontop of that he wore some dumb get up that made him look like some dumb noir detective. Despite these low expectations however, he still somehow managed to surpass those! It was like talking to a brick wall. Nothing I said got through or made him budge on the issue! I'd answer and he'd just ask the same exact thing in the exact way again with the same exact feign concern! At least other ponies had a courtesy of rephrasing or asking if I was “sure.” This guy though just asked “what happened” on loop ad nauseum like some broken record.
Isn't insanity suppose to be doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result? If that's the case I'm not sure who the insane one here is anymore. The ponies asking the same question or was it me giving the same answer.
In either case this new doctor left me wanting to scream. Scratch that, wanting to cuss him out till he buggered off was a more apt description of how he made me feel. Maybe if I had then these ponies would finally get the message that this tedious game of twenty questions was dumb. My internal fit was simmered somewhat however, when I heard the first new question in what felt like forever.
"What's wrong Phoenix?" His right brow made a slight arc as if he didn't already know the answer to his own question.
Oh I don't know, only the fact you're somehow you are all the densest people I have ever know! I retorted in my mind as I let out a long sigh. In all fairness, I guess I couldn't truly blame him as he was just trying to do his job. Thought that realization had not left me any less frustrated and with no Benefactor to focus my frustration on, this poor soul was the next best target.
"I keep telling you I am not a filly. I'm not even a pony," I explained in the nicest tone I could muster. Which admittedly still carried an aura of spite to it. One I'm sure The Doctor could pick up on. The doctor, to his credit however, kept his calm; simply adjusting his dopy fedora as he looked down at his clipboard.
"Indeed you have. Twenty seven times in fact," he confirmed in a indifferent tone. Though something about him made me get the feeling he was growing just as tired of this as I was.
"Then why-" I began, only to be stopped by a wave of his hoof.
"Because what you're proposing is simply impossible," he interrupted with a tired sigh, "and it is the result of a mental lapse, fear or something else."
"Well clearly it's something else then, because it's what happened!" I insisted; stomping my hoof into the bedside for emphasis.
"You're a smart filly Phoenix at least from what I've heard. So I won't beat around the bush anymore. You clearly have repressed emotions that you're avoiding, or coping with, by living a delusion, You have head trauma they still somehow haven't accounted for, or you're scared of the repercussions that might happen if you speak up about what really happen to you." His voice was tired; losing the worry that once coated it.
I’m not sure how large pony eyes could widen, but I'm sure mine reached that length when I heard those words. Here I thought my proposition was absurd, but this?! this was something else! He cant be serious can here?! I panicked.
"You're not a unicorn, or whatever the scientist equivalent of magic is," I irritably pointed out, "So how can you be so sure?"
"I am a foal psychologist though. I did also spend several years as a student at the Cloudsdale Institute for Higher Learning," he countered, "I learned from the best pegasus, each at the top of their fields. So I can assure you Phoenix nothing, and I mean nothing, would verify your situation."
"Then get some pony from Celestia's school for gifted unicorns! Have them confirm I'm crazy!" I insisted. To my surprise however, the doctor simply shook his head; setting down his clipboard with a disappointed and rugged sigh.
"Since you're still insistent on the delusion, lets review the facts. Just so you can see where I’m coming from Phoenix. You claim magic didn't exist in your world, at least as far as you knew. That's simply impossible however, as the magic needed to cast such a spell would mean magic in your world would have to be at least as abundant there as it is here in Equestria. Secondly we have zero proof, absolutely none aside from your statements. Which mind you came after you got hit by a carriage and spent some time alone in the Everfree. Finally, and most damning of all, your claim you just made. If you truly were from a 'parallel universe that is unlike Equestria.' Then you should have no knowledge of such an institute like Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns," He pointed out. The first two points I could at least work to a reasonable solution. But the last one was different. I couldn't just tell them they were a show where I was from, could I? Assuming they even believe me, and didn't just brush it off as an excuse due to how absurd it sounded, it could cause all number of problems! If I didn't tell the truth though, then I had nothing. If I lied I had nothing. My mind raced to find an answer, any answer.
"One of the nurses mentioned it when I explained my situation!" I lied but he only shook his head once more, causing more weight to pile on my poor heart.
"No Phoenix they didn't. I talked with nurse Pink Heart and she recounted the story you told her. You mentioned it there too," Dr. Mirage explained with a disheartened sigh, "So I'll ask one more time Phoenix. Who are you and what happened?" The words tied knots in my stomach. It was a practical death sentence. Every word was another nail in my coffin, before I was ultimately burred alive. I didn't exactly like any of my options and each one left me just as frustrated as the last.
"So you think I'm crazy too," was the only thing I could force myself to say as pitiful as it was.
"No Phoenix I don't," He replied to my surprise, " I think you're a confused and lost filly who just needs a helping hoof."
Guess I should have expected that line… He probably thinks my mom abused me while my dad was working or something… I thought to myself as I let out a sigh of defeat. My busy slowly slumped back over as I lost my will to fight. This caused the doctor to look at me for a long moment before his thoughts were inputted by a knock at the door.
"If it's the same with you Phoenix I need to step out and talk with the F.P.A. I'll be back soon however," he promised as he made his way back to the door out of my room.
"Yea sure," I replied; tucking my head in towards my chest. I felt awful. It felt like a gut punch; knocking any wind I had out of my sails. It was a cruel twist of fate really. A show that preaches telling the truth, yet the truth here dammed me just as much as a lie. It was my silent executioner; blade hung just above my neck. Simply waiting on my word to finish me off. I should have, or I guess should at this point, tell it to finish me off, but the possible consequences of such a reveal stopped me. At best they didn't believe me, which just left me in the same position making it pointless. The worse case scenario however, would see Equestria in a mass existential panic as they realized their lives were fictionalized. Now I know there were hues of grey between those scenarios but given the average equestrians' deception in the show my hopes for a more mellow outcome were negligible.
As the seconds ticked by I felt tears start to well up in my eyes; my vision swiftly becoming a blur of tears, anger and frustration. It continued until all the world around me was unrecognizable. It was like a distant dream now, and not even a comprehendible one. Everything was just abstract, a blur of its former self. Only vague colors stood out now. No shapes, nothing concrete to hold me here.
All these water works just because my one shot home ruined because I made a miscalculation. If I just waited to mention the school for gifted unicorns maybe I could have gone home. That realization stung far worse than the tears ever could. I couldn't recall a time I’d ever felt this way. Normally I could just force myself back up and through my problems, but here I couldn’t. I felt helpless, like the helpless filly they all saw me as, and I hated it.