//------------------------------// // Episode 83: How to Make an Entrance // Story: Life of a Wanted Changeling Season 4: At Luck's End (Comment Driven Story) // by BrownDog77 //------------------------------// Master of Shadow’s Comment Down With Chrysalis’s Comment This otherworldy chanting rings out as Adagio, Aria and Sonata slam open the cafeteria doors and start posing dramatically with their red crystals on display. This of course gets all of the students attentions in more ways than one. “Why are they posing like that?” Celestia asks as you all peer through the window. “B2 said they had to show dominance and that first impressions were everything,” you shrug as the music starts to amp up and become more intense. “Presentation is key,” he nods with a smug smile and you start to see a haze start to come off of the girls, followed by weird menacing looking symbols that seem to float around them. “Those words again? What do they mean?” you say aloud. “What words?” asks Luna. “The menacing words bobbing around their heads?” you point out but everyone looks at you questioningly. “Seriously? I’m the only one?” Perhaps only other magic users can see it? Selena suggests just as the words blend into a green smoke and the sirens stop posing and begin dancing and singing. “Ah, there we go. Operation Mindjack Filthy Human Teens is ago,” you say proudly as the gaseous magic starts to spread throughout the cafeteria. “We really should have come up with a better title than that,” B2 says as he begins tapping his foot to the music. “Says the guy who wrote a song called, Nightmare Cloak of Shadow and Darkness,” Humbra mocks and he puffs his cheeks. “We don’t speak of that song!” “Hush up you two, I’m trying to listen to these girls,” Luna orders as she watches the Sirens intently. “For a pop song, it’s not bad at all.” It’s true. The rhythm and beat in conjunction with their harmonized voices is really hypnotic, even without the hypnotizing magic gas, some of which is flowing under the door and around you all. Speaking of which… Kichi’s Comment Hey, I know it might be a little late but, are we gonna be okay surrounded by this voodoo mind control stuff? You mentally ask as the green gas rises to your knees. Typical that you only think of something like that at the last moment, Sombra grumbles sounding disappointed. Well excuse me Smokey! I didn’t hear you voicing concerns earlier either! You harrumph and he rolls his eyes. Because it is an unnecessary worry. Do you think that in a land without magic that I or your temperamental shadow mare wouldn’t be able to handle it? He mocks, treating you like a small child. Who are you calling temperamental?! Selena hisses before addressing you. But yes, the fool is correct. Our limited magic will be enough to counteract any negative effects. Okay good, thanks Selly. See Zoomba? Why can’t you just answer plainly like her without all the insulting lectures? Because I don’t desire your affection like that pitiful soul, so why be courteous? He says smirking. The sound of him getting whacked upside the head then rings out through your head and you smirk as he grunts in pain. One day you’ll learn manners you odious slug, Selena chastises. Though I doubt it’s today, you grin as he grumbles incoherently. As he does so, you look back down at the magic mist and an idea forms. Hey, do you think this stuff could add some juice to any of my magic gear? Hmm, considering that they work well in a magic rich environment…Selena trails off before she shrugs. Couldn’t hurt to try I suppose. In actuality it COULD hurt, but go ahead anyway, Sombra snarks and you roll your eyes. Nothing ventured nothing gained, you think as you pull out your Boomstick and lower it into the gas, and for good measure, you pull out the Luna plushie and do the same. “The hell you doing?” asks Humbra curiously. “Trying to recharge my weapons,” you say absently. You’re not sure, but you think the crystal on the Boomstick might be blipping. “That stuffed animal’s a weapon?” he asks pointing to the plushie and you nod. “One of my best. Helps knock out enemies so I can run away,” you say proudly before looking over at him and the others. Like you, they have that grin mist up to their knees, though they don’t seem to be effected. Hmm, guess Pinkie was right, you think as you look at all the ear plugs they sport, the same being worn by the Human 6 and other allies. You still don’t know how she found something that lets you listen to their singing and not get influenced. You declined a pair since you feared pushing them into your brain with your spindly human fingers, but the others graciously accepted them. “Quit mumbling!” Luna shushes again and you scowl at her. “We work with these girls, I’m sure they’ll sing it again if you ask them to,” you say as you look in through the window and see them standing in a row and waving their hands like a Somnabulan. “I bet that looked more impressive from the front,” B2 theorizes as they continue singing about having a battle of the bands. Looking at the Human 6, you see them watching the spectacle cautiously, while other students seem to be getting a bit heated and pumped up. Remembering the incident at the mall, you cautiously look at Flash to see if he starts Saddle Raging, but he too is fine. “Some of the students seem a bit violent,” Celestia says worriedly as you see two girls almost butting heads. “Yeah, they said that’s what was going to happen,” B2 answers, nonplussed by the whole situation. “The kids get pumped up and competitive and that’s how we get a good magic harvest.” “I know, I know, but I still fear things may get violent. Look at Ms. Lulamoon over there! She looks on the verge of smashing her food tray over Mr. Bicep’s head!” Celestia says biting her lip. Puzzling Frost’s Comment Loganic’s Comment WARGAMES’s Comment Ello Calebero’s Comment “Huh? Lulamoon?” you gasp in surprise and look towards where she’s pointing. Sure enough, you see human Trixie growling at a beefed up human that could only be Bulk Biceps in humie form. “Ah geeze…” Seeing a Trixie, any Trixie with that angry violent face takes you back to the day when you screwed up the most, making you feel really guilty. “Hey man, it will be alright. Sonata said that things won’t go too far,” B2 says patting your shoulder. “That ditz also said that she thought chocolate milk came from brown cows,” Humbra says unhelpfully and suddenly you feel less confident. “Maybe I could just sneak in there and grab her away? I’m sure she doesn’t need any trauma right now,” you suggest but B2 frowns at you. “Dude, it’s gonna be fine.” “But she looks so angry and rabid right now,” you plead. “Believe me, that’s nothing,” he says earnestly. “I know a thing or two about crazy rabid fans, and what those kids in there are doing is nowhere near that level.” “Oh lord, those self proclaimed leaders of our fanbase?” Luna says disgusted and Humbra gains a thousand yard stare. “Those unbathed nutjobs really tried to make us have beef with Sapphire Shores…God that army of lawyers was traumatizing.” “Exactly,” B2 nods and looks back at you. “So yeah, everything will be alright. We are not screwing up this plan Bugze. All we have to do is stand here and do nothing and we’ll be in the clear.” “But I could just-“ “Dude, I swear I will activate your plasmids myself and make you burn your butt if you screw this up!” he threatens. “Okay, Okay! Calm down! I don’t even think that’s possible, but don’t even try. I’m not going to do anything,” you say defensively. “Are you sure?” Luna asks cautiously. “For the plasmids thing? Positive, unless he’s had any genetic experiments run on him.” “He has not,” she shakes her head. “Probably would be smarter if he did,” Celestia mutters and B2 gives her the stink eye. “And as for the Trixie thing… Okay, yeah, I understand that it’s necessary, even if I don’t like it, so I’ll stand here and do nothing, I promise,” you say holding your hands up in a placating manner…the hands still holding the Luna Plushie and Boomstick. Inside the cafeteria, just as the Dazzlings are singing the chorus and really drilling in the point of having a Battle of the Bands, a large explosion booms from outside the cafeteria doors. “AGH!” Adagio stumbles and the song is interrupted as the sisters and many others look at the door in worry. “What was that?!” screams a random student. “Was that a bomb?!” “What’s going on?!” the students start to panic, not helped at all by the amped up emotions brought about by the Dazzlings. “Are You Three In On This?!” accuses Trixie and the Siren sisters start to sweat nervously. “Ah, no, we were just singing…” Sonata chuckles nervously as everyone eyes them. “What in the hay happened?” Applejack asks her friends as the cafeteria starts to get restless. “Did Midnight attack early?” Fluttershy asks with a shiver. “I don’t know, but my money’s on Mr. Bugze doing something,” Pinkie says confidently. “BRB.” And with that she dashes out the door faster than the human eye can see, and she comes across the mess you made. You are currently at the bottom of a human dogpile as the passed out forms of Humbra, B2, Celestia and Luna crush you under their weight. “Pinkie! Save Me! My weak human lungs suck!” you plead to the Pink girl. “Yar Yar Daze,” she mumbles under her breath and shakes her head before reaching into the pile, grabbing your hand, and pulling you up. “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” you stutter as you hug the human girl. “I thought I was going to drown.” “I think you’re overreacting a bit,” she says pushing you away. “But what the heck happened?” “Uh…” you say looking to your passed out comrades and back. “N-Nothing that was my fault! At all!” She just cocks an eyebrow at that. “I mean it! I was just standing here, doing nothing and then, uh, Human Luna totally knocked everyone out with karate chops and-“ “Mr. Bugze…” Pinkie says in a disappointed tone and you sigh in defeat. “Okay, yes it’s my fault!” you admit. “I accidentally knocked everyone out and dropped my Boomstick. There! Are you happy?!” “Yup!” she says cheerfully, throwing you for a loop, before pointing a thumb behind her. “Although I don’t think anyone else is.” Looking over her shoulder, you see that the students are getting rather aggressive and panicked. You see the Dazzlings trying to restart the song, but it doesn’t seem like anyone is listening. “Ah geeze, how do I keep screwing up this badly?” you whine and pull at your hair. Because you are a universal tool! All you had to do was NOTHING and you still screwed that up! Sombra belittles, sounding exasperated. At this point, it’s quite miraculous how you could pull that off Bugze, Selena says sounding both disappointed and impressed. Though on the bright side, at least we know Equestrian items can be recharged from our girls’ magic. Daedrik’s Comment Down With Chrysalis’s Comment Skiny_Boy’s Comment A lightbulb dings above your head as she says that. “Hey, you’re right!” you proclaim. “I am?” Pinkie asks. “Not you, Selena! Siren magic gave my equipment a charge, so I can still save this!” you say confidently as you reach into your Inventory. “Let’s see, Molotovs, Ninja Stars, Glowing Pink Love Necklace thingy, doesn’t that ever shut off? Aha! There you are!” “What are you-“ Pinkie starts before you pull out the Mangle animatronic head which causes her to flinch backward. “EEP!” Ignoring her, you stick the head into the mist for a few seconds, before quickly opening the door, tossing it inside and closing the door once more. “SKREEONK!” the head bellows out, causing even more students to scream in fear. “What the hell is that?!” “Is this like some weird cult stuff?!” “WHAT IS GOING ON?!” Pinkie just looks at that spectacle before turning to you flabbergasted. “And why did you do that?” “To cause mass confusion obviously,” you say plainly as you search through your inventory. “But why though?” she asks. “Because I don’t think threatening them all with a burning blaze of glory would work all that well right now,” you huff. “Besides, the humies are now focused on that terrifying machine and not the Dazzlings, so that buys me time to make an entrance.” “Make an entrance?” she asks as you finally pull out the Nobody Cloak. “Yup. The Hooded Offender in this world is a rock star right? They might calm down for him!” you say unruffling the cloak, only to wince as you see it’s still only designed for your true equine form. “Ugh! This stupid body is the wrong shape! Maybe I could just stick my head through, but it wouldn’t look ri-“ “Here you go!” Pinkie exclaims, suddenly thrusting a large hooded cloak into your hands. “Wha-What?” you sputter in surprise as you hold aloft the cloak and see it’s a stylized version of yours, only designed for the unnatural humanoid form. “Pinkie, where did you get this?” you ask in amazement. “Out of my locker,” she says with a smile. “But if you want to be more technical, I bought it on Ebay a few days ago. I was gonna surprise B2 with it at the Friendship Games, but this seems like an emergency.” “That it does,” you nod as you quickly start to put the human cloak on over your outfit. “Now quickly Pinkie, I don’t know how well they’ll work as a smoke screen, but I’ve got some stink bombs in the bag to-“ “No worries, I’ve got the smoke covered,” you hear her say. “Huh?” you ask as your head pops out of the fabric. Looking towards her, you see her with a square box puffing thick vapor smoke into the slightly open cafeteria doors. “Why use stinky smoke when you have a fog machine?” she says giving you the thumbs up. “AAAHHH!!! Now the school’s on fire!” someone inside shouts. “…You know, if the real you had been my ally from day one, I think I might have had an easier time of things,” you say in all sincerity before shaking your head. “But anyway, thanks for that, now duck!” Heeding your warning, she hits the floor as you stride forth and shove the Boomstick at the cafeteria doors, blowing them open with a large bang. The students scream once more and look to your silhouette in fear. Thanks to the Dazzling’s earlier musical number, the lighting is dim, and there is still a fair bit of green mist added with the fog from Pinkie, so your form looks menacing. “Wh-Who is that?” you hear some girl whimper as the atmosphere seems to get even more intense, even the Dazzlings are looking at you nervously. Selena, Smokey, Would You Kindly give some juice to make my eyes glow? You ask quickly. Of course my bug, Selena says as you feel a surging of internal magic. I don’t know why I should, but sure, why the buck not? Sombra grumbles and you feel his power as well. “EEEEKKK!!!” several girls shriek as your eyes glow their usual orange and red with purple smoke. Slowly and methodically you walk forward and out of the mist. As you do, the Mangle head with impeccable timing lets out a metal guitar stinger, heralding your entrance as you strike a dramatic pose similar to how the Sirens did earlier. Gasps erupt from the confused and frightened children as they look upon your visage. The Dazzlings and Human 7 look at you in complete befuddlement, but you don’t say anything as you let the suspense build. I’ve been a hammy villain/anti-hero long enough, I know how to set a mood, you think confidently, even though sweat beads on your brow. Sure enough, whispers start to go around the room. “Is that that old rocker dude from the 90’s?” “The Wanted Defender?” “Nah, the band is called The Wanted, he’s the Defender.” “It’s Offender. The Hooded Offender.” “But what’s he doing he-“ Taking your cue you slam the Boomstick onto the ground and it lets out another percussive blast which echoes throughout the lunch room and causes them to shriek and fall quiet. “Canterlot High…I am disappointed…” you say evenly. Taken off guard by that, many of them begin to look at one another for answers. “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!” you shout at the top of your lungs. As planned, they all are taken aback, so you ask again. “Are You Not Entertained?!” You then point the Boomstick threateningly towards the teens and they wince backward. “I heard that this place was ripe with musicians! Full of young people with honest to gods Teen Spirit! And yet, what do I find?! A bunch of belligerent blubbering babies!” you chastise. Some of them look defiant and angry at that, while others seem ashamed and others still seem lost. You then motion towards the Dazzlings with your free hand. “Have My Nieces Not Stoked Your Wills To Persevere, Rise Up and Triumph?!” you shout. “Nieces?” you hear Aria mutter to the others but you continue. “Well?! Answer Me Children! Why Are You Not Hyped?!” Still more than bewildered by the whole situation, Rainbow Dash steps up to help you out. “Uh, I mean, what exactly is going on…and who are you?” she says in a stilted manner, revealing that in both worlds, she is not a good actress. You wince at her rehearsed sounding dialogue, but thankfully none of the other students seem to notice. “I am The Hooded Offender, lead singer of The Wanted, the greatest metal band in the whole world, and don’t you forget it!” you declare. “And surely you’ve heard about me? Haven’t you heard the rumors and buzz that we were returning?!” The kids all start muttering to each other about that and you smile knowing that Wallflower’s cousin did her job. Speaking of Wallflower, you see her in the far corner of the room, looking just as lost as everyone else. “Well you little devils, let me be the first to say this. We ARE coming back, and my mates and I decided that we’d have some fun with some new blood first…” You then twirl the Boomstick around and hold it above your head. “As my nieces here were trying to advertise, there’s going to be a Battle of the Bands between your school and Crystal Prep…Sorry about the explosion going off prematurely girls.” Sonata and Aria don’t seem to catch onto what you’re saying, but you see a glint in Adagio’s eyes as she nods. “Pfft, you better make up for it Uncle, you interrupted our finishing act,” she pouts and puts her fists on her hips. “Well, sometimes pyrotechnics go a little…crazy,” you say as you turn your glowing eyes back to the students who shudder. “Now, back to the matter at hand, who is going to join the battle of the bands?” The students all start muttering amongst each other again. There is definitely an air of curiosity and determination, but not everyone is ensnared yet. You then reach into your bag and pull out the bag of 45 Bits that you still have left and open it for all to see. “I should also mention that the winning band will not only be compensated with a sack of 45 gold coins, but will also…” you pause as you know this is going to get you yelled at, but you plunge forth. “Open for The Wanted on our comeback performance!” And that, is where you finally get them. “I’ll join the battle!” Human Trixie declares. “So will I!” Octavia shouts. “We will as well!” Rainbow Dash shouts, sounding a lot more genuine. “YYYYEEEAAAHHHH!!!” Bulk Biceps roars. Many more start to join the hype train and you notice that the magical mist seems to become more vibrant. You smile and look over to the Dazzlings. “Very well then. Girls, I think we should close them out…” Smirking conspiratorially, the three girls nod, before turning to the rest and begin harmonizing. “Alright Canterlot High, prove me wrong and show me who’s worthy of opening for me! Can you beat my very talented girls The Dazzlings? Or will you be left in the dirt?” you taunt and they all begin shouting in earnest. “Speak with your Principal and Vice Principal about the contest, and I shall see you on the battlefield. And with that, we leave you with this…” You reach down and pick up the Mangle Head and hold it aloft as the Siren’s magic infuse it and accompanying music plays from it. By the end of the song, the whole cafeteria is a riot, but in a good way. Students are cheering and banging their heads and generally pumped up and excited. “Time to go,” you tell the Sirens as you grab Sonata and Adagio and back away into the fog cloud. “Okay Bugze, what in the buck was all th-AAAAHHH!” Adagio yelps as she trips over Humbra’s leg and falls onto the floor. “That! That is what’s up!” you say pointing to the rest of the passed out humans. “Great song Bugze,” Pinkie says off to the side. “Thanks Pinkie,” you nod before helping Adagio up and turning to the others. “Alright, those kids are about to stream out there, so help me move these bodies!” The sisters are understandably more than a little perturbed at this request, especially when you hoist B2 over your shoulder, but they do as they are told. Adagio picks up Humbra, Sonata gets Luna, but Aria seems to struggle with Celestia. “Ugh! You guys got the easy ones! This one’s like super heavy!” she gasps, shaking under the principal’s weight. “Good thing she’s asleep or that might have gotten you detention,” Pinkie says as she helps her. “I don’t even go to this school!” “Yeah, we’re too cool for it right?” Sonata asks bubbly. “Buck yeah sea horse,” you smirk as you shift your counterpart’s weight and run like heck. “Where are we running too?” asks Adagio, who doesn’t seem to struggle with Humbra’s form. “Luna’s office! They’ll wake up eventually and I told all those kids to speak to them so it’s only logical.” Silently agreeing, you all rush through the halls before the students can see where you went and you rush into Humie Luna’s darkened office thanks to the directions of Pinkie Pie. The five of you then unceremoniously dump their unconscious bodies onto the floor, desk, and chairs as you all catch your breath. “Whew, if B2 leaves that much of a pain in my neck then maybe I should start shedding some weight myself,” you say as you rotate your shoulder. “Believe me, you got it easy,” Aria spits, red in the face with sweat drenching her brow. “There’s a reason the real her is called Sun Butt after all,” you chuckle as you take the cloak off of you. “Awww, you’re taking it off already?” Pinkie Pie says disappointed. “Heck yeah I do, I only wear the real cloak when there’s no other alternative and when I’ve absolutely, positively gotta be the Offender,” you explain as you toss the cloak onto B2’s sleeping form. Which, when you think about it, has a pretty good chunk of time since we’ve been together, Selena mentions casually causing you to pause. Well last year was better, I only wore it like at the beginning and end of the year, you brag. Because you were wearing the CV costume instead, she points out playfully and you puff your cheeks. Okay yeah, I guess all I’ve been doing is playing dress up for four years, but in my defense, I’m pretty sure that it’s my Earth Pony blood that’s kept me from being able to transform well, you excuse. I’m pretty sure dear Nightshade has transformative abilities better than you and her blood’s even more watered down, Sombra laughs and you scowl. Her mom’s a freaking alicorn! Of course she’s gonna be better than me! You mentally bellow. “And he’s talking to his imaginary friends again,” Aria sighs and shakes her head. “They’re not imaginary. They’re in my head and you just can’t see them,” you defend, snapping back to reality. “It’s okay, we all have voices in our head that tell us to do things,” Sonata says trollishly and you frown at her. “What’s important is that you don’t listen to the bad ones,” Pinkie says as if she’s an expert. “I tend not to, but once in awhile ol Crystal Nut’s got a good idea,” you admit. If by once in awhile, you mean ALL THE TIME! He grunts. He does not, Selena mocks and you smirk. “Well regardless, except for ruining our song, I think that turned out well,” Adagio chimes in as she shows off her stone which is now a brighter shade of red. “Again, sorry about that,” you apologize, rubbing the back of your neck. “Nah, don’t worry about it. Your entrance was sooo cool and epic!” Sonata reassures with stars in her eyes. “Yeah, plus you gave them more incentive to join, which was just the cherry on top,” Aria congratulates. “You really play the whole hammy villain role perfectly,” Adagio adds. “I do have four years of personal experience…plus several more from viewing my Grandbuggy when he kept trying to con people,” you admit. “Your Grandpa Bug was a bad guy?” Pinkie asks with a raised brow. “Not really,” you correct. “He just kept trying to convince people that places were haunted to find treasure, or oil or other things, but these meddling kids and their diamond dog kept showing up and…look, there’s a reason why I am like I am.” “Sounds like your life was kind of cartoony,” Pinkie says with a grin. All of you shiver at that for some reason as a brief feeling of existential dread sweeps over you. “Right…Well anyway, step one is complete, now we just gotta wait for the competition to show up, have the music fest, lure Midnight in and then BAM! Turn her back to normal Twilight.” “Sounds easy enough,” Sonata says confidently. “It usually does, but it won’t be,” you correct. “Because her going back to normal all hinges on whether or not Sunset is reformed enough or whatever so that she has the power to save the day and then be able to open the portal and get us all home.” “Well, even if she’s not, we could still probably beat up Midnight and detain her until Shimmer is pure or whatever,” Aria offers. “Exactly,” you smile and look at all three of them with pride. “But no matter what, we’re all doing this as a team.” “Of course we are, uncle,” Adagio teases and you look away in embarrassment. “Yeah, I was gonna ask, where did that come from all of a sudden?” Aria asks with the same trolling grin. “I don’t know, I thought it sounded good at the time,” you blush, not meeting their eyes. “Well, I wouldn’t mind you being our uncle for realsies,” Sonata says sweetly, clapping her hands. “Though I think you should probably talk to Mommy and Daddy when we go back in time to make sure they’re cool with it.” They better be, or I’ll just claim them for myself, Selena says with determination, and you cough nervously. “Ahem, well let’s just stick with the cover story for now. You’re the nieces of the Offender, and gonna be the main competition.” “I bet B2, Sombra and Luna are gonna be surprised when they hear that,” Pinkie says as she pokes at the unconscious Humbra’s bald head. “Yeah…probably not all for the better,” you say nervously glancing at the sleeping Celestia. “I might have kind of just forced them to get their band back together without their permission…but I’m sure they’ll figure it out.” “Well if they didn’t, then I would have wasted a lot of money buying all their old costumes online,” Pinkie says as she brings out two more outfits from literally nowhere. Both appear to mimic the armor that Selena wore as Nightmare Moon and what Sombra wore before you ate him. “How much money do you have Pinkie?” Sonata asks in amazement. “More than you think, but less than you’d hope,” she answers cryptically just as Adagio smiles deviously. “We should totally dress them up in their costumes while we got the chance. They’ll definitely freak out when they wake up,” she says with a sinister giggle. “You know that sounds…like a hilarious idea!” you agree with your own chuckle, looking down at B2. “Really?” Adagio asks in surprise. “Yeah! It’s just a harmless prank, and it’s not like it’s gonna hurt them. We could even take pictures with our space phones,” you point out. “Cell Phones,” Aria corrects. “Yeah, that,” you nod before turning to Pinkie. “By the way, you should probably let Sunset and the others know what’s up.” “Okie dokie lokie,” she salutes as she starts tapping on her phone. “Right, you girls dress up Luna, I’ll take care of B2 and Humbra,” you say as you sit on the floor and lean B2 up against your chest. “What, right here?” Sonata asks surprised. “Sure. When else will we get a better chance?” you say as you remove his shirt. “Besides, no one else should be bugging us for awh-“ A knock suddenly comes from the door as it is pushed open. “Excuse me, Aunt Luna? Are you in? I just stopped by because I wanted to go over a few…things…” Human Cadence pauses in shock like a deer in the headlights as she takes in everything. Her eyes flicker over you, the Dazzlings, Pinkie, and then the passed out humans and her mouth drops. “What in the…What in the…?!” she sputters as she looks between the snoring shirtless B2 leaning against your chest and you repeatedly. “Oh, uh, Hi Cadence,” you wave nervously to the absolutely dumbfounded woman. “I’m sure you have plenty of questions right about now. All I can say is, maybe you should take a seat?” WHAT DO YOU DO?