Full moon
I’ve already lost all notion of time and space, a soft and scattered numbness invades my being, and adds to the general feeling of nonexistence that I‘m experiencing. But I know that I am a real entity, and every time I feel I lose a little of my memory, although, in reality, I think that I’m just encapsulating myself under the fine wax of my unconscious, like honey from bees in a honeycomb. Each memory, each instant of my life is sealed in a tiny chamber, in an infinite wall, which is neither wide nor long, but is like a sphere that rotates and rotates around my mind, also storing each one of my sensations. In this dimension that responds to my exile.
At times, I get ready to remember the days of my childhood, when Celestia and I were just alicorn fillies playing among the clouds of heaven, and our parents watching us in the distance, in that kingdom without heaven or soil that’s the kingdom of the celestial beings, who have founded the world, the stars and the galaxies. All those games that entertained us and forged a golden bond between us, all those books that we read and shared, how much we learned together about magic, history, everything. I feel like I'm little Lulu again, that's what Celestia called me, and I watched ecstatically when she first raised the sun, when she sang lullabies to me or just when she smiled at me. And if everything I remember is happening right now, and then the memory becomes palpable again, relieving the pain of my heart.
How can I forget the first night I did my spectacular first moonrise? How to let the feeling of triumph disappear when I turn to see my side and find that brand that identifies me so much? I remember when that happened, Celestia and I went down to earth, and father and mother looked at us from heaven. I was very nervous, I was sweating and trembling, not from the cold, but from the tension that had burdened my shoulders. She was afraid of doing it wrong, she was afraid that one, two, three hours would pass, and that the moon would not even appear over the horizon. I was terrified that my magic didn't work, that it abandoned me at the most unexpected moment. And there was Tia, to calm my fears and encourage me with words that until now I can hear her say to me again.
When the moment came, I concentrated as much as I could, as much as I had not concentrated on my life. My horn began to glow, more and more intense as the intensity of the magic I was gathering to carry out my feat increased. The rest came along, I couldn’t see how the sky changed color, nor how the moon rose slowly by firmament, this moon that now imprisons me. I had involuntarily begun to levitate, and I didn't realize it until I was done, and inadvertently looked at the distant ground under my hooves. It was Tia who saved me from hitting me, catching up with me in the second just as I started to fall. I still didn't know how to use my wings well, otherwise I would have landed on the earth in all serenity. But that didn't matter to me, everything had gone well, and I heard applause from my parents, and Celestia's, congratulating me not only for raising the moon, but also for obtaining my cutie mark .
That was the greatest moment of glory in my life, where everyone had their attention on me, where I was the center of the event, and my hooves could not stand out more, because Celestia had not been able to raise the sun the first time. Ah, what a grace of mine, but what a terrible fate! Not to mention that I have done it thousands and thousands of times, but it does not compare with what I experienced the first time. Now I can no longer flaunt it so much, I am no longer the one who raises the moon to make way for the night.
And the stars were another story. They were already there, surrounding the beautiful night sky to which I gave life and color with my star, and those that gave much of its beauty. But I was in charge of recycling those stars that died every certain period, creating new ones, so that the night always enjoyed its full brightness. I no longer know what will become of those who are dying, I do not know what Celestia will do when she must take the responsibility to which I have always answered correctly, and if that will cause the night cloak to be filled with imperfect stars. Upon my return, will I find stars as beautiful as those that I have been able to create or not?
I can feel slight tremors corresponding to the rotation of my star on the earth, that little flash of my sister's magic that starts the night while she is in charge of raising the moon. I no longer know what I feel about her, my heart is a confusing cluster of emotions and sensations that repeat, explode and start again. The presence of Nightmare Moon has become more tolerable, my dark conscience seems to begin to understand that I don't want to know anything about the cause.
Little by little I have become used to the uncertainty of the days and nights and the dates. I know when this or that celebrates, but not how long before they are celebrated, if they are already celebrated or if they have already concluded. I know when Celestia's birthday is , for example, but I can't say exactly if it's past or not, or maybe I'm thinking about how old she would be this year and maybe she's already done another.
Fortunately, I have been able to protect myself from the madness of being here with nothing to do and nothing to say, no one to talk to. I have been able to cross a portal to a different world, think and reflect a lot, and begin to see things from another perspective. But what is it that I see near my moon, even though it is actually at a great distance? It is like a red asteroid, a small planet that seems to roam the universe without rhyme or reason, I do not know much where it could come from, although I remember hearing when Father told us that every so many years, from the sky of Equestria , You will see unusual celestial bodies cross, and although I now realize that long, long ago, I have seen this red planetoid already, I have seen it as a marble compared to now.
My sense of alarm was triggered more by the belief that an unexpected enemy might emerge from that scarlet-colored star, than because there was a real threat. I think I distinguish a profile in its circumference, formed by diffuse shadows. It doesn't seem to be in the shape of an alicorn or anything that I know of, maybe it's just a shapeless stain, but my concern could be real. However, the sensation of a presence with an awakened consciousness captured my attention, and I gathered all my strength to concentrate on establishing a communication with the being that inhabits this red star.
After a few minutes of total uncertainty, when I doubted the results of my effort, and was afraid to risk being at the mercy of any strange power or gift the creature might use against me, I got an answer. Rather, I must say, I managed to establish a connection, and something inside me warned me that the being was now aware that I was trying to contact him. I thought he would speak in a completely unknown language, but I was surprised that it wasn't.
“Hello?” She asked, her voice at the moment had nothing strange or threatening.
“Hello?” I asked, not knowing what to answer.
“I asked first. Who are you talking to me from the star that shines on this planet?”
I was speechless for a few moments. There was something convoluted in the way my neighbor spoke, but I was hearing it clearly, as if it were next to me instead of several cosmic kilometers away.
“I... I'm Luna.” I replied, when I could organize my thoughts.
“And whose moon are you?” Asked the being.
“Me? I am not anyone's Moon, I am Princess Luna, the ruler of the night in Equestria”.
"Uhm." He was silent for a few minutes that seemed like an eternity. His voice was clearly masculine. “And where is that Equestria that you mention? Down there, where everything moves fast and lightens and darkens all the time?”
“Umm, yes. And the night belongs to the period of darkness on earth, which is when everyone takes a break from the activities of the day” this came out of my mouth just like that and made me feel resentment again “This star bears my name because I am the one in charge... I was in charge of lifting it to make way for the night.”
“But if it is your star, and it is you who raises it, why are you also inside? And what is that dark shadow that tries to interfere from there?”
“It's ... a long story. I am afraid I’ve lost control of my star.”
“Oh, Selena, that's a terrible tragedy. Who has done such cruelty to you?”
I was surprised that he called me Selena, and I was about to correct him, but for some reason that made me feel special, so I left it at that. I felt different, being called Selena, and I was beginning to feel happy to find someone who was interested in what I could tell about myself.
“My sister Celestia, she raises the sun over Equestria.”
“What is a sister?”
Her question left me cold. What kind of cosmic creature was this that didn't know what a brother or sister was?
“Don't you know what a sister is?” I asked foolishly, since the answer was completely obvious - A sister or a brother is someone with whom you share a family bond, since both are born from the same mother and the same father. All together make a family. You don’t have family?
“No, no, and for me what you are telling me is completely new. I have never had siblings, but I have never wondered if I have them, and I have never had parents, but neither have I wondered if I have them. I see that you do have them, because you know perfectly well what they are.”
“Then, are you the only one who lives here?”
“Here I am, and I'm only me, although the amoebas that live on the ground roam here. I think you weren't there the last time I was near you, unless you were in torpor. I sometimes go into torpor; they are longer when I cross the cloudier galaxy.”
A few minutes of silence passed, in which I thought he would not speak again. However, he contacted me again.
“And well, I'm going to have plenty of time nearby. I think maybe you could tell me that long story of why you got there, if you weren't really there before.” He said, to which I hesitated a little.
I still didn’t trust him very much, but I thought about the possibility that perhaps he was simply a cosmic traveler, of the peaceful ones, because father and mother told us before taking the kingdom of Equestria that there were peaceful and not so peaceful cosmic travelers. But this one didn’t expire a dark aura, or at least that's what I felt. In any case, he couldn’t foresee the effect of the information I was about to give him, and if this stranger had any chance of leaving his star, which seemed unlikely. So I told him, brief and concise, my conflict with my sister, without knowing what impression it would make on my partner, who by the way I asked his name after finishing my story.
“Oh, that. I almost forgot, I never really thought of my name as something I have without being able to use. I do not have many opportunities to share a conversation out there, it seems that everyone is involved. My name is Mercury, and I don't know if I belong to any system, or if I strayed from any path. These things that you’re telling me is all new to me.”
I felt a little sad for him. Either he had lost his memory, or he was just one more wanderer in this whole vast universe. Somehow it made me think about going off my course and touring other galaxies, alone or perhaps better in the company of Mercury, who would surely be a great guide. I have never thought about what could be beyond the earth, beyond where I did not have many references other than vague allusions from father and father. Oh, how I miss them, and I wish I could see them again someday. I don't think it's possible, but it doesn't cost anything to dream, if I knew.
“Dear Selena” Mercury started again, who perhaps would have woken up from one of his lethargies and was with all the batteries “how much do you influence your star from within? Why don’t you free yourself from the force that binds you to the rotation of this planet that from me is seen as a colossus that does not need the protection of anyone?”
"Are you telling me to leave the night moonless? I don't think I can, and I don't think I would either.” I said, dry and upset. I’m banished on the moon, how am I supposed to alter its rate of rotation and translation? That would be impossible.
“I'm afraid that's it. Your star is dependent; therefore, you could not move it. But you can get out of there, right?
Mercury definitely did not have much frequent contact with anyone, least of all ladies. His proposal was somewhat ... unreliable. I was bothered by what I had said earlier, I felt offended and confused. No. I don't trust Mercury enough for that. I have begun to feel somewhat comfortable in this space, which does not mean that if someone gave me the opportunity to return to earth and leave, I would accept it, but I would think it over. The talk was no longer on the right track, and I didn't feel like chatting anymore. But what was he going to tell her? Come back and we'll talk tomorrow, what will I expect with lemon tea and sandwiches? I was concerned with what he might see or feel from the red planetoid. I'm afraid if he could read my thoughts, although I'm not sure, because he would have reacted to them in some way, right? At least wondering why I'm angry, I guess.
There was a long silence between us, in which I reflected long and hard on this fact. I fear that reflecting is the only great thing I have left to do in my exile, apart from those little things. I think of my black unicorn, and despite the fact that Nightmare Moon can access my thoughts, she almost always makes fun of them and keeps trying to convince me of the same, while her darkness tries to penetrate my mental-astral refuge. I don't care, I don't know how long I've been here in space, I feel like I can get used to it and that I'll always find a way to make it as light as possible. So much has already happened, the sadness and anguish continue in me, but they don't make as much of an impact as they did at the beginning. I suppose that’s why prisoners go through dungeons, there comes a time when you start to surrender to the fact that you will stay there, and that the world becomes something totally distant, that you start to fear when thinking about how much that it may have changed and how dangerous the environment may have become. And then I think of the idea that Mercury is exactly that: a prisoner who has lost his memory and all notion of reality or time, some criminal whose sins were serious enough to banish him from his land, condemning him to that eternal baggage in that red and sandy planetoid that has no orbit. Also, I tried to imagine myself in that situation, and I discovered that I was terrified, detached from the earth, and going to other galaxies, always without a fixed point, without stopping, and perhaps passing through my world once each. knows. But I can't end up like Mercury, no, Nightmare Moon would be there to remind me of who I am and why I've been banished, although the idea of completely forgetting and sleeping peacefully was certainly attractive, while my star travels the cosmos without a compass that points to the north. However, stronger was the hope of returning to Equestria someday, to my kingdom to which I belong and of which I am co-ruler.
And if I ever come back, how will Equestria be? What situation will she be in when she is released from this confinement? Will there be war or peace? Will Celestia still be in power, or will there be some new ruler, prince or princess, king or queen? Then, I found myself worrying about Celestia, about her safety, and fear that she had been sent to the sun. Is it possible that at this very moment someone was banishing Celestia in the sun? I do not know what is more terrible: that it is not me who banishes it, or that I am not there to see someone else do it. No, I think it is preferable that Celestia remains in place on my return ... or rather on our return. I must not forget that I’m inside me but relegated by Nightmare Moon to a lower part of my mind.
Suddenly I felt like knowing more about Mercury: knowing what it was, how long it was there, what it feels like to be on that red planetoid if you remember anything from some other possible life. Anything as long as I don't think about myself, which lately I don't like very much. I am homesick for seeing the black unicorn, and how much I wish that we could somehow get closer. I feel like I have so much to say, and nothing at the same time. It is a very contradictory feeling, I know, and I find it hard to understand what is happening to me. Something I know and that is that I miss him, even if we had never had close contact.
“Mercury, are you there?”
“Yes, I’m here Selena.”
“Oh, I thought you were gone.”
“Where am I supposed to go? I have been here all this time. How long have you been on the red planetoid? It seems like a lot, right?”
“I don't know what time is, I just know that everything happens, and is forgotten. Although I can’t remember anything if I wanted to.”
“And do you by any chance remember if you have always lived there, or if you ever had a life on a planet?”
When I asked this, I was afraid of making him uncomfortable, or that he would get mad, I don't know, there are many options. He was quick to reply, but I bit myself for not asking another indiscreet question.
"I'm afraid we differ on that, Selena. I do not remember the precise moment from which I have been here. But you have made me think about the possibility that maybe I had a story like yours... I’m beginning to hesitate. In my torpor, I dream of strange things that most of me have not seen in my travels, but I don't know what they are or if they have to do with me or not.”
“I get it,” I said as if to make him feel calmer.
I noticed a tone of severe unease in his voice as if my suspicion was true. In that case, I should try not to speak to her anymore, and not inquire beyond what is convenient for me. What if you remember your earthly life and decide to take revenge? Or worse, what if by rage he descends to destroy Equestria? Then, I would be selling my kingdom to a terrible enemy, whose evil mind I will have awakened due to my lack of caution. I couldn't help but feel guilty for a moment, and Nightmare Moon took the opportunity to urge me to continue, teaming up with Mercury to get us out of here and do justice for our night. I was almost giving in, but then common sense came to hit me with a hard slap because I realized I was being stupid and paranoid. What were the chances that all of this was true? I was prejudging Mercury when I hardly knew it, without really strong evidence that it was what I believed, and I thought about how I would feel if that happened to me. I did not feel bad for Mercury, I felt bad for, and although it sounds self-centered, it is what is in my heart. Mercury may not have been aware of the test he was undergoing, not really knowing anything about him. Perhaps he was truly a cosmic wanderer, and I had no right to make these musings on the basis of what had happened to me. My ignorance set a trap for me, and I did not want to chase away the only conscious being in all this extension with whom I could palliate the solitude and silence of this exile.
“Selena?”
“Yeah?”
“Ah, there you are. I was afraid I have offended you somewhere in the talk, but I still see your star and I feel that you are still there.”
"Oh well…" I cleared my throat. Suddenly every possible topic of conversation was gone.
I decided to go for more pleasant and interesting topics for both of us. So, I asked him about his travels, about his dreams, being very curious to hear another voice that was not mine. I discovered that there was nothing evil on Mercury, and at various points in the conversation we developed, I was able to realize that my suspicions were totally unfounded. I recalled in turn some things I had learned from the customs in Equestria, such as that some ponies worshiped a red star that appeared every few years, those peoples had a great culture and a special theory about the star. They believed that it was inhabited by a lord who saw everything, by a formless cosmic being who could enter their dreams or contact them directly through a ritual. The only thing that persists about them is his memory, but I remembered them right away as I got to know Mercury, and I joined all the points when he told me that he remembered the ponies with whom he chatted from time to time and that they seemed to know him better. That Mercury himself, therefore advised me that if I returned to Equestria, to look for them and send greetings. Then I was faced with the dilemma of whether or not to tell him that this town no longer existed, but I preferred to tell him that it would because I didn't want to be the one to inform him of that. Or, some members of that ancient society of ponies were still alive somewhere on earth. Everything could be possible.
As we chatted and got to know each other more, I discovered other details about Mercury. In fact, she had nothing to fear from him, since she said that, for example, she was afraid to leave her star because she believed that she was going to fall apart, she had no interest in meeting other terrestrial beings, and she did not like so much the idea of being imprisoned in another world that should continue on its planetoid. That's to say some examples. But I also noticed strange peculiarities, such as when he told me that he sometimes fed on tiny cosmic entities that he managed to catch by hypnotizing them and bringing them to the surface of their star and entangling them with their tongues to devour them better. No. I never asked him what kind of creature he was, and I confess that fear invaded me when I heard that, especially when he said it as if it were the most natural thing in the universe. I can't imagine a pony with two languages and hypnotic powers, so it was ruled out that it had some similar shape. However, I tried to behave as if nothing, despite the resentment caused by the possibility that the thing tried to eat me.
But later when he told me that he would do a brief lethargy to rest from so much talk, I told myself that Mercury could never do anything to me. Why? Because I’m not just a simple cosmic entity, I’m an astral alicorn, and nothing this creature tries to do can have any effect on me. Also, I don't think he managed to deceive me or Nightmare Moon either, I feel that nothing but the stars could free us from our exile. ‘There’s nothing I can suspect or fear about Mercury,’ I told myself, although a small part of me found it hard to believe.
I also took a nap, for a change. It felt as if we had been talking telepathically for years, unaware of the constant advance of the cosmos around. No, I affirm, it must have been so. Well, I have already lost all notion of time, and it does not matter not knowing if it is winter in Equestria, or if it is summer or autumn, if the Great Gallop Gala is taking place in Canterlot right now or if Celestia celebrated another anniversary of her government lonely. I care less and less about being here, as long as there is someone next to me to distract my thoughts, as long as I can flee from this dimension and visit my friend the black unicorn from the moon of another world, who watches the moon every night like a divine madonna and immaculate like the white mantle of the nymphs.
Down on earth, everything seems to be going smoothly. I don't see burning bonfires devouring the forests and throwing thick black smoke into the sky, I don't see that the water has covered the low areas, covering plantations and cities and submerging ponies to a hard aquatic survival, I don't see hurricanes or storms devastating in an instant everything that had taken years to build with effort, not an eternal winter devastating the green meadows, locking the inhabitants in their houses, under heavy mattresses of white and cold snow, or anything like that. I no longer know how my heart responds to that supposed undisturbed peace, my memory begins to become disordered and become erratic, but I can order each memory according to a criterion. My surroundings in this place are no longer so dark, but I cannot remove from my mind the fact that the darkness surrounds me, threatening to cross my barriers at any time, and I am filled with the fear that Nightmare Moon will absorb me, and my being fully aware of it, but then I bravely say to myself: "No. I will not leave her. ” I am the owner of my conscience, and if I had a moment of weakness, allowing my dark feelings to dominate me, I will make sure I don't stumble over the same stone again, no matter what happens and whatever the cost.