‘Please, Princess Luna.
I don’t think Knife Twist is eating or sleeping; she’s gotten so much worse. I’m afraid she’s dying.
Can you help her?
-Corporal Barley Husk, 1st Battalion of the Night Guard’
The letter had come but an hour earlier, Luna excusing herself from the castle to immediately head to the maximum-security stockade on the outskirts of Canterlot. The very mare who had sought to warn them of a threat was now dying?
The very mare who tried to kill you.
Luna shook her head, knowing that thought didn’t add up. Something was missing from Knife Twist’s intentions. All the lunches they had together, laughs, friendly gossip traded over walks, all over years since her return. Was it a lie? It was something that had bothered Luna for months after the initial shock of the betrayal wore off. Yet the Alicorn hadn’t visited her ex-captain to investigate further, not until now.
I know the insidious nature of some magic, how it can twist a mind. I think she’s still in there, somewhere. Her abrupt change, her pleas to warn us; she is not my enemy any longer.
Further ammunition was the nightmares. Luna had detected them in Knife’s dreams; fleeting, agonizing scenes of failure. There was regret eating away at Knife Twist from the inside out.
I know the symptoms all too well, how guilt can be a punishment worse than prison.
Being immediately let into the metal and stone fortress, Luna made her way to the waiting room in the maximum-security section. The sparse waiting room was occupied by a sole thestral, his light grey sides shivering with barely contained sobs, fluffy ears flat against his skull.
“Barley?” Luna asked softly, sitting next to the male thestral.
He drew a sharp breath, and his scrambled movements to stand at attention were waved aside by the Princess.
“I am not here as your ruler or boss, but as your friend,” she said softly. “Your note was rather alarming. Can you please explain?”
Barley nodded, wiping away the moisture in his orange eyes.
“I think Knife Twist is dying,” he whispered. “I had no idea it was this bad. I haven’t seen her as much, even though I’ve made time to do so. She has always been busy. When I d-did-she’s wasting away. Not eating, not sleeping…”
He shook his head, shoulders slumping.
“I still don’t believe it was truly her who tried to kill you,” Barley whispered. “Perhaps it is a fool’s hope, but Celestia seems to see good in her. I beg of you to help her, even if you don’t think she deserves it.”
A hoof raised up the Thestral’s chin, the kind smile of the Lunar Princess brightening the room.
“I think the same of her, Barley,” Luna said softly. “I refuse to accept my friend of a decade was that easily swayed. The fact she turned on the Windigos shows that their hold was not a complete one. Now, let’s go.”
The pair were admitted to the long hallway that led to the sparse cells, Luna wincing at a stray thought.
“Does she think I will exact vengeance? I do not want to terrify her.”
Barley nodded sullenly at that.
“I think that’s what Knife will imagine is happening. You haven’t visited her, after all. I’m fairly certain she’s accepted that you hate her.”
At that, Luna’s wings drooped, a frown occupying her features.
“Which was not incorrect, not for a time at least,” she admitted. “I was unsure of my emotions regarding her until recently. However, I am certain that something doesn’t add up to her actions. I will do my best to convince her otherwise though; I have no intention of harming her.”
The two guards saluted to Luna, tapping on the cell as dim lights flickered.
“Miss Twist? Visitors for you.”
“I thought I said to remove those hours, too tired,” Knife Twist grumbled, clearly having been awake but not sleeping judging from her exhausted but clear tone.
Nodding to the guards, Luna stepped inside the cell and sat down near the entrance, a sad smile now on her face.
“It has been a while, Knife Twist,” Luna said softly. While her tone and intentions were calm and sincere, there were no less than a dozen protective spells waiting to jump in at a hair’s notice.
But it wasn’t Luna who needed it.
Knife Twist immediately shrieked, scampering to the floor and cowering in fear as shivers wracked her emaciated body, bat-like wings lifting to haphazardly shield her from the Princess.
“P-please don’t kill me!” she begged.
Tears immediately sprang to Luna’s eyes as she got a good look at her former friend and captain of the guard. The once proud Thestral’s dark grey frame, once lean with muscle and care, was gaunt and emaciated. There wasn’t a shred of pride or confidence left in the pony before Luna, only fear as she continued to beg for her life. The few words Luna tried to speak were drowned out by Knife’s horrified pleading, the alicorn finding her soul genuinely disturbed.
“Barley, can you…?”
The other Thestral trotted in and wrapped up his marefriend in a tight hug, the mare sobbing into his chest in fear. Luna’s own heart ached at the display; how she had sought to destroy the personification of fear her name and presence once accompanied.
“Knifey, she’s not here to hurt you,” Barley whispered into Knife’s ear as he rocked her back and forth. “She wants to help. She’s worried about you too.”
Knife Twist’s golden eyes cracked open, her matching, now-long and neglected mane being brushed out of her eyes with a sniffle.
“W-what?”
“Will you listen to her? Luna just wants to help. Please?”
Knife nodded, wiping off her face as she sat up, Luna walking back into the cell and sitting down. Fear still made the mare’s limbs quiver, but she was listening.
“Barley is right, Knife Twist,” Luna said softly, keeping her tone sincere and caring. “I share your coltfriend and Celestia’s view that you are not a bad mare. You may not believe me, but I think the mare that attacked me was very different than the one standing in front of me. I just need to confirm it.”
Knife’s gaze dropped to the floor in shame, a few more tears trickling from her eyes.
“I want to help you, Knife, but I am not sure how,” Luna admitted. “May I ask you something? It is a topic that I cannot full understand.”
“A-anything,” was the stammering reply.
“Did you know it was me you were betraying?”
Knife’s eyes widened at that, the mare drawing a sharp breath. She didn’t answer at first, but finally nodded, followed by a shake of the head.
“Yes and no. It hurts my head to think about; it wasn’t you…but it was.”
“Can you explain? I find it hard to believe that my best friend could do such a thing, especially after our weekly lunches and such. Ten years of friendship being erased doesn’t add up.”
Nodding once, the mare leaned on her coltfriend’s offered shoulder, the stallion whispering something into her ear lovingly before Knife took a deep breath.
“I tried to say it all in the report, but I guess I didn’t explain it well. Then again, I didn’t understand it myself until a month or two after being here,” she admitted. “I was betraying Princess Luna, the Ruler of the Night, not my friend, Luna.”
Luna’s eyes widened in realization, a smile immediately starting to form on her features.
So that is how those Windigo hounds did it.
They couldn’t break you, Knife Twist. I knew it! I was just wrong on the ‘how’ from the start.
“It just s-seemed like I was planning for a different pony. I still loved those lunches and talks we had. T-that seemed like s-somepony else though. I don’t know how or when it started to separate. You were yourself, but at the same time not, at least when you were in the throne room and stuff.”
And that is why you starve yourself, why you push to help others. You never betrayed me, did you? And now I sense a darker force is trying to poison your mind; I recognize those nightmare tendrils even now. You still blame yourself.
Oh, Knife Twist. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong. I think I know how to help you now.
“So, that is it then,” Luna whispered, nodding once. “I think I understand now. You never betrayed me, Knife.”
The Thestral’s eyes widened, hear head shaking back and forth violently.
“Y-yes I did! I nearly killed you! I plotted for years to destroy my best friend!”
“No, you didn’t,” Luna reaffirmed.
Knife was openly crying, her head shaking slowly back and forth.
“I d-don’t understand.”
“The magic that affected you couldn’t break your will, Knife,” Luna explained. “It had to separate me within your own mind. A friend and a target. You were too strong to have those two views of me overlap. Even a subtle poisoning of your view concerning me wouldn’t have worked. The Windigo’s spell had to make me seem like a different mare. You would have never done their bidding otherwise! You even shook off their orders when that orphanage was bombed. You wouldn’t hurt innocent fillies, and you wouldn’t harm me.”
Yellow eyes widening, Knife Twist sniffled, nodding once.
“I’d n-never hurt you. But you die in my dreams, even if I t-try t-to stop them…”
And there’s the nightmares.
Luna decide to make the point further, standing up a bit taller.
“I know the mare who did betray me though.” Knife stared at the Princess as Luna pointed at her with a hoof. “And you killed her. All I see before me is Knife Twist, my best friend and former Captain of my guard. She would never betray me; but she would kill anyone who tried to do me harm! She has protected me and my ponies many times, and never would hurt either of them.”
Tears streaming from her eyes, Knife could only sob, a beautiful spark of hope arising in the depths of her previously dead gaze.
“Can I give my best friend a hug?” Luna asked, walking forward to wrap Knife up in an embrace as she nodded.
I don’t think you should stay here any longer.
“I’m s-so s-sorry!” Knife bawled, Luna rocking her back and forth.
“I know you are, and I forgive you, Knife Twist. I miss our lunches, and I want my friend back.” Luna let the mare down, a hint of decorum returning to the ex-captain as she sat up a bit straighter with a sniffle. “Can we do that again?”
Barely containing herself, Knife nodded once.
“I’d r-really like that.”
“Then how about tomorrow? Midnight as usual?”
Nodding with the first sincere smile Luna had seen in years, Knife nodded again. Reaching over to give her coltfriend a kiss, she waved him off as the pair were led out of the cell and back towards the entrance.
Sitting down in the reception area, Barley looked towards Luna with an absolutely shocked gaze.
“T-thank you, Princess. I, I still don’t know what to think. Just-I can’t thank you enough. That was the first time Knife was back, really, truly back.”
Luna smiled at the stallion, not able to resist a soft laugh of joy.
“I think she is back. I am so happy to have been wrong about her betrayal. There is more though,” she mused. “Barley, continue to meet with her. I refuse to let the spark of hope she now has die, know that much. I will contact both you, and her, when I have a solution to the problem.”
Nodding even though clearly confused the Corporal tilted his head curiously.
“The problem?”
Luna now was grinning widely, the plans of a different stallion now coming to mind.
“Your marefriend will perish inside these walls if she continues to live here, and I will not allow that. Knife Twist needs a purpose, but at the same time a sort of temporary ‘punishment’ to make sure her guilt doesn’t overtake things.” As she spoke a certain stallion came to mind, her Fiance once having near-demanded to be punished for his ancient crimes.
Oh, you’ve taught me a few things, Shifting. I think you’ll approve.
“I think I have just the idea.”
‘To Professor Varti,
Prepare the facility for immediate deployment and hiring of staff. Send out the notices to pre-hired individuals. Maintain maximum security alert and arm all defensive systems. Activate all available forces to protect the island. I do not trust myself to make further decisions other than that. I trust you with my life, and now with my dream for a time until I am of a better mindset. Take whatever steps you see fit to get the organization firing on all cylinders. Security is the highest priority.
Thank you, Varti.
-Director Toxic Shield.’
Leagues away on the extinct volcanic island chain, the large yak couldn’t help but grin, laughing as he threw a large switch on a dormant reactor. As bolts of energy began to lick the massive, underground tube-shaped crystal device Varti made his way to the roof, pride filling his chest as the dozens upon dozens of rectangular buildings ignited with bright lights. Large factories began to run their diagnostic procedures, their arcane and mechanical army of workers having been checked and re-checked for years by diligent yak oversight. Crystal lights snapped on, casting a peaceful but bright blue glow over the Island proper.
“I am glad you are safe, Toxic,” Varti said to himself as the island sprang to life all around him. “And now you decide to start your dream. I am living mine, thanks to you. Now I can finally coax yours to life!”
The yak trotted back down to his laboratory level, reveling in the hum of power that the scaled-up leyline reactor now produced. Faceless crystal pony golems, appearing as large, mannequin-like artifacts that marched this way and that, the artificial creatures serving as automated guards, farmers, and manual workers to supplement the eventual security forces and other employees that would live on the island.
“And you leave the task of preparing your dream on my shoulders? Oh, I have been waiting for this moment for years, my friend,” Varti chuckled.
Activating a portable scribe spell with one of the many storage crystals in his lab coat, the yak quickly sent off dozens of pre-written messages. With the organization having been ready to go live for months, if not a year or two, many individuals concerning hiring and essential upkeep had already been screened and hired. It was the beginnings of a skeleton crew, but the few dozen creatures hired were primarily tasked with hiring the bulk of the island’s staff. Hundreds, thousands of creatures would live here in time, ready to respond to any threat that loomed on the horizon. That was Toxic’s dream at least.
That said, Varti knew this entire venture had deeper roots than his friend let on. Toxic had changed, especially since rescuing his adopted daughter. The stallion had become more unsettled, yes, but his actions had a clear purpose.
When all else fails, look for the Last Light.
That slogan had once been the highlight of a matter Toxic refused to talk about it, and had only divulged a single bit of information when the yak had confronted him soon after his daughter had been rescued. The extensive training grounds and manufacturing facilities buried deep within the mountain spoke to the stallion’s intentions however. Those areas did not have chemical hazards in mind.
A toxic spill didn’t necessitate having an extensive armory.
Something had happened, something that made the stallion realize he could give that light to others. There was a fire in Toxic’s eyes surrounding that event the few times he had spoken of it.
It had been more than ten years ago when the organization was still in its planning stages and Varti didn’t know Toxic as well as he’d have liked. It had been a simple question of what had happened the day prior, and why the Yak was kept from seeing his daughter. It was the beginning of the Yak learning exactly how Equestria operated, and how fallible their ‘Goddess’ truly was, before Luna had returned, among other things.
Benevolent, powerful, and caring to a fault. But Celestia was neither omnipotent nor perfect, as he had spoken of with Luna recently.
‘Please, Varti, drop it. I beg of you. I will simply tell you this. I cannot, in good conscience keep standing idly by while creatures die waiting on pleasantries from governments and bureaucracy! The same governments that promised to keep them safe! I will not stand by! Not again!’ the stallion had said that day.
‘That is a dangerous view, Toxic. You’re smarter than that. Impulse and emotion can’t run this organization!’
‘You are right. That is why my decisions can be overruled by the eventual council that will manage the organization. You, and the other council-creatures can balance my vision with reality. What I do is my business, however, Director or not! I will not stand idly by!’
‘What of your own personal actions then? You are to be the head of this venture, that reflects on the organization! More to the point, why is the hazard suit shredded? I know the difference between chemical agents, explosions, and sword impacts! What were you doing? Nocreature will tell me what happened! I haven’t been able to see my daughter for over a day!’
Toxic had never responded in words to Varti’s question. However, the yak’s words had seemed to touch something within the pony’s soul. It had been a single look, but it spoke an ocean of emotion. Compassion, determination, and rage.
But it was not blind anger and not directed at the Yak. No, this was the righteous rage of a pony who had once seen innocents suffer while pen and paper had bound his hooves. It was the fury of an old trust betrayed and shattered.
And in that moment, Professor Varti had more fully understood his best friend. He had learned the details through gossip and eventual demanding of the Princess; and he was only among a few dozen who knew what transpired, of what Toxic had been willing to sacrifice to save his innocent daughter.
Varti had been reassured she’d be safe on her tour of the border, a trip she had begged him to go on with her school friends after completing some private, in-person paperwork with the Yak Yakistan embassy in Canterlot. Just an extra day down south and under constant supervision with her elementary class.
He had been promised that it was just a common chemical accident that trapped the group, borderline harmless chemicals that necessitated just casual precautions. Officials had said the Klugetown Clan representatives were there to help with any cross-border contamination. Time, that was all that was needed to rescue his precious little yak from emergency shelter in the middle of the spill.
All those promises and reassurances had just been lie upon lie, and Celestia had known it. The Yak didn’t blame her; he knew full well how the political machine worked, how the stability of a nation depended on a single individual in this case.
And yet Toxic had been the one to fulfill the broken assurances of governments, of individuals, and of friends. A stallion who had been burned once had refused to stand idle again. He had told Varti only one time of the incident that forged such a viewpoint, and the Yak had never forgotten. Toxic had already lived with the knowledge that lives had been lost and damaged because he had been ignored, forbidden to help, with his own brother no less. He had refused to be bound by politics and bureaucratic inefficiency when such innocent and precious lives were destined for a fate beyond nightmares.
Even if it risked being locked behind bars and being branded a traitor.
No, emotion and impulse shouldn’t solely guide an organization; but the Yak definitely realized they had their place. Such things were what had propelled Toxic to do what others could not, would not. And his dream, his organization would do the same. Their island was in international waters, and could eventually be considered a city-state. The other islands in this small chain were already being eyed for potential purpose. Toxic wasn’t about to limit this venture with space, that much was certain. More facilities, a potential city-state; a nation dedicated to helping others, not bound by political red tape.
A nation that could be both hated and adored, just as Toxic’s actions had been.
Pen and paper would never cost lives again. Toxic told me that once when I found him in the lighthouse not a few days after the tragedy. And he certainly never backtracked on his words when saving my daughter.
Varti also had learned of another side to his silly and determined friend, a part of Toxic’s life he had revealed to very few creatures. The training he had subjected himself to, the months spent in seclusion and study. He discovered exactly what Toxic would do to those who dared harm those who could not help themselves, regardless of the personal cost. In that moment, the Yak knew exactly what price the stallion was willing to pay to save his little girl. What he had paid.
When he found the stallion in the workshop shedding his suit, why was Toxic’s armor bent and broken? Why was it splashed with the blood of other creatures and the stallion’s own? Why were there broken arrow heads lodged in the hazard suit? Why was there sudden silence from the politicians and rulers who had been fawning over the crisis and promising safety?
Why were suddenly his daughter and the others found safe and sound at a border station? Why were they whisked away before any news stations could get there?
Why was a massive explosion then reported in the Badlands not a day or two later?
Why did the Kludgetown representatives look terrified of Celestia as they fled back to their lands?
And why did Toxic get called to the Castle abruptly?
The look in his best friend’s eyes was as good as words; the unicorn would do it again in a heartbeat. And for that, and delivering his daughter from the very literal jaws of harm, the Professor had pledged his life to aiding Toxic’s dream. He, along with a few others had his simplistic and naïve bubble of Equestrian safety shattered.
But they could protect that bubble for those who did not know the truth.
Toxic had the will, the drive, and a significant amount of funds. Varti had secured even more of the capital, and now Last Light had been officially launched; a beacon of hope and a warning to those seeking to do harm.
He let out a snort of surprise as a scroll unfurled itself in front of his nose, the magical signature being that of a certain Hippogriff Emperor and his Fiancé. It naturally would have appeared to him, rather than Toxic due to the ‘unavailable’ magical signature surrounding the unicorn.
On reading it, the professor began to laugh, hundreds of names following the initial message. It was clear that the island was being watched and a few parties were eager to help.
‘Dear Director Shield/Professor Varti.
Congratulations on the launch of your venture. At the risk of being too forward, I wish to humbly submit a list of names of creatures within my kingdom. They have been pre-vetted by my own security forces and are awaiting Equestrian Visa’s, as well as your own personal screening. Unlike many of those within my kingdom, these creatures want to explore the world and would be interested in any general positions for an organization such as yours. Their talents range from secretary work, cooking, mechanical engineering, arcane enchantments and mechanical alterations, and combat, among a few of the categories.
I furthermore wish to offer my kingdom’s services as both a trading partner and upgrading contractor. With another threat rearing its ugly head, I am offering to install our crystal technology on your island completely at my expense. This would supplement your shielding system to prevent Windigo interference, and allow Equestria and subsequent allies to strengthen our hold against the enemy. Such a system would be completely under your control after installation and instructive upkeep is delivered.
If appropriate, please let us know what positions are available and if you wish to accept our offer.
I await your response,
-Emperor Nacreous Borealis Thunderwing.
P.S. The offer of a prepared list of potential candidates is also extended from the Solar Princess, Celestia, if Director Shield will accept her offer.
The yak immediately sent the reply back on the enchanted parchment with a grin.
“I suppose I haven’t been the only one waiting!” the Professor crowed with a rumbling chuckle. The yak looked over to see a dozen lighthouses power up even further, their beams carrying more than simple light. Each of the miniature generators fed into the central tower, the balcony Toxic usually jumped off on his flights of now burning with a sun-like brilliance. The small reactor underneath the primary lighthouse was finally kick-started, a massive beam of energy surging upwards to project a shimmering shield over the entire island.
“Equestria and the world now has their Last Light; you’ve been just that to so many creatures. And now you bring that to the world. I’ve been waiting years to be a part of your dream, Director. You have many friends, Toxic. I hope you can see through the dark clouds to realize that. You are not alone.”
In Canterlot, Nacreous grinned along with Celestia as the parchment returned; the simple list bearing the signature of the Yak scientist and his humorous reply.
‘Hiring all creatures great and small. Will gladly accept the new light fixtures.
p.s. I’m sure the Director would appreciate the assistance from any benefactors.’
There was a knock on the door, and to their surprise Luna poked her head in, bags around her eyes.
“You said he did it?” Luna asked as her sister nodded.
“Toxic’s organization is going public. Professor Varti has taken charge while Toxic recovers, with his permission,” Celestia reaffirmed. “We detected the island’s activation not but an hour ago. I believe we underestimated the scope of the organization’s venture. The power readings are far above what was predicted.”
“Are they hiring?”
Blinking in surprise, Celestia nodded, levitating the list over to Luna.
“All positions, apparently.”
“What about security?”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed in amused anticipation, knowing full where her sister had previous visited. It didn’t take a genius to see her train of thought.
“Luna, what are you planning?”
The Lunar Princess smiled tiredly, gesturing towards the list.
“I have somepony I’d like to get approved. Two, as a matter of fact.”
Celestia looked at the clock, the day winding down without too much more fuss. A familiar pony trotted into the throne room, a subtle nod from the Princess clearing the area.
“Hammer, it has been too long since our personal check up chats, how are you?” Celestia asked kindly. She tried to stay on a first name basis with her Legionnaires despite the necessary professional distance, even if it was on rare occasions. With Hammer being one of Toxic’s closest friends it was nice to have another way to check in on the stallion.
“I’m doing well, Celestia,” the stallion replied, respectfully hoofing over a stack of papers. “I assume you know what this is? I know there’s about a dozen others who are doing the same. They should be meeting with you shortly.”
Ordinarily, the large number of her personal shock troops resigning would have raised alarm, but Celestia had to stop herself from letting out a gleeful laugh, opting for a reserved nod.
“Ah, yes. You all did put in your one-year notice. I assume it’s for the Last Light Organization?”
Hammer nodded, saluting his Princess sharply.
“It has been an honor, Princess Celestia,” he said sincerely. “And I would have gladly continued my service. But I would be conflicted.”
The Princess bowed to her respectfully, not able to resist a grin.
“With respect, Hammer,” she said, “I think you and a dozen others would have had quite a bit of trouble in a few years. The life of a Legionnaire is a very specific path, not suited for many. There is a reason many families consider it a generational position, so feel no shame in this. You have both my utmost permission to take what you have learned and apply it to your new position.” Celestia paused, having to choke back tears. Hope flared in her heart; the usually stoic ruler meeting Hammer’s curious gaze nonetheless. “You also have my blessing and support. Take care.”
With another salute, Hammer trotted off with a smile on his face and head held high. In the brief moment when the throne room was empty, Celestia jumped into the air with a laugh, a brief solar flare spinning around the room. A mental chime summoned her favorite hippogriff, the Alicorn wrapping up her fiancé as he teleported into the room.
“What’s this about, Celly?” Nacreous asked with a rumbling chuckle, spinning her around as the Princess continued to laugh.
“I’m just happy, Nacreous. You cannot imagine. Finally, somepony is doing it. After a thousand years. Somepony is taking charge.”
As she explained as best she could, Nacreous’s expression lightened up to match her own. Of course, he would understand; he always did.
Toxic, you cannot imagine how happy I am at your venture, every single part of it. Go with my blessing and every scrap of support I can muster! You may not trust me, nor do I deserve it. But if you will accept my help, I most certainly will.
A single phrase echoed the joy in the alicorn’s heart, flying past the boundaries imposed by societal and legal rules that governed Equestria, and herself.
Save those I cannot, as you always have.
Taking a few deep breaths of the fresh air, Toxic sat on a metal bench along on of Tall Tale’s many street-side parks, waiting for a certain gryphoness.
Three days.
With a large set of orders and some business to take care of in Canterlot, Gelly hadn’t been able to meet until today, three days after meeting him in that hotel.
And my subsequent sobbing fit; still not sure how I feel about that.
That was a lie, and Toxic knew it. He knew exactly how he felt about the matter. Gelliana hadn’t let him go until the stallion had released his grip, and he couldn’t deny that he felt better, a lot better.
I just- I don’t know how she feels about all that. Seeing me at my worst, still seeing me being affected by my job.
She seemed so sure of herself during that date under the tree.
His shoulders slumped at that, the pony letting out a tired huff.
I guess it’s a good indicator of how things could go between us. How she sees me after that. The stress I face isn’t going away, but hopefully the whole assassination thing isn’t a regular occurrence.
I still stand by my decision to push the organization to an active state. If worst comes to worse, that’s a safe haven once activated. We have all the hiring messages pre-recorded, training seminars, contracted teachers to instruct our own private professionals to get started; he could run it solo if needs be. And he may have to, I just can’t have another thing on my plate right now.
A stray thought then made the pony’s ears flatten, a dull pain seeming to echo through his chest.
My breakdown showed me that much. And what does Gelly think? I don’t want her to pity me...
I keep expecting her to say it’s too much, that she can’t deal with it. Even now after so many dates.
With barely a rustling of feathers, a familiar gryphoness slipped out of the sky and landed next to him, rustling her wings as she glanced his way.
“Hey, Toxic!” she chirped happily, then pursed her beak in a slight frown. “Everything alright? Wow, ok, that was a bad question,” Gelly admitted.
That made Toxic laugh, the innocent inquiry making him smile, even slightly.
“Yay! A smile!”
Her cheery spirit was impossible to resist, Toxic not able to resist a full, if not tired grin.
“Thank you, Gells.”
“’tis what I’m here for! Well, one of the oodles and oodles of reasons at least,” she replied. “But really, how are you holding up?”
“Still processing everything. It’s rather surreal,” he admitted. “There is something I wanted to ask you though.”
“Oh?”
He paused, the gryphoness clearly seeing his nerves and scooted a bit closer.
“Do you see me any differently now?” Toxic asked. “You were rather sure of your thoughts on our second date, but what about now? Seeing what I have to deal with, how I’m an absolute mess at times. Is that still something you’re ok with?”
“Huh? Of course it is! Like I was toooootally together when you cheered me up? I was almost crying because I was out of stew,” she said with a deadpan expression that quickly dissolved into a giggle.
Her immediate reply made Toxic’s ears stand up straight, the stallion looking to her in surprise.
“What? We all have off days. And if I’m being honest, I like the fact you’re willing to be a mess around me,” she said, then containing in a softer tone. “Lots of stallions would hide it and play it off. But you let me help, as much as I can at least. Showing that you have a really sensitive side; I really like that. I’m just excited to see it more when you aren’t feeling so down. If I wasn’t clear; I’m not going anywhere. And while I’ve only had an off day or two since we met, I can be a mess too. And I’d say getting attacked is a pretty good reason to be a bit more sensitive than normal, along with what you have to do for work.”
She tentatively reached over to rest her head on Toxic’s shoulder, the stallion immediately scooting a bit closer, much to her not-so-hidden glee as the gryphoness pressed against his side.
“Does that help?” she asked softly, not sure if Toxic’s reply would be to the words or the gesture.
Judging from the fact he leaned back onto her, she imagined little needed to be said about appreciating the physical contact.
“Very much. You’ll have to forgive me if I keep wondering about that. As you can imagine, how my job affects me was somewhat of a sticking point in the past.”
“Well, I’ve seen the worst of your job, and I’m still here, right? Aaaaand I will continue to remind you that you’re not the only one here with doubts, and I’m no hypocrite!”
Toxic let out a chuckle, leaning to gently place his head against Gelliana’s.
“Fair enough. I keep forgetting that you’re one of the few creatures who knows what I deal with. That helps,” he admitted. “I do have one more question.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you pity me?”
Gelliana was silent for a moment, her head then nodding.
“Yes. And can I tell you why that’s not a bad thing?” she asked. “Trust me, I’m a gryphon, I know how loaded a question about that topic can be.”
“Huh?” Of the follow-up answers Toxic was expecting, that had not been one of them.
“Toxic, I know that tone. I’ve heard it plenty of times. Look, gryphons are proud. One of the most insulting things would be to be pitied. It is seen as a weakness, and I think that’s the view you have of it, right? Even though it’s not correct?”
“…I guess so,” he admitted, brow furrowing in surprise. “Even though that’s not the definition of it.”
“I memorized the definition because I wondered for a time if I was really just a weakling, both in size and heart,” Gelliana whispered. “I grew up with creatures pitying me, and I realized that I had it all wrong at least for many of them,” she let out a frustrated sigh. “If I had realized that earlier, maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much time thinking everycreature thought I was a weakling, even if that sentiment did exist in many. Toxic, having pity is having compassion for somecreature else who is suffering. And you are hurting.”
The gryphoness hesitated, reaching over to hold one of his hooves with a set of her talons.
“And I care about you, a lot. So how could I not have pity for you? I’d be a horrible special somegriff if I didn’t.”
She couldn’t contain a smile as Toxic squeezed her talons gently, the stallion letting out a tired huff.
“Well, I feel like an idiot,” he muttered. “I’ve known having pity can be a positive thing, but it’s hard to separate what it feels like at times.”
“I understand, I really do,” Gelliana said. “But for what it’s worth, I think you’re one of the strongest ponies I’ve ever met. The fact you still care about so many creatures after everything you’ve been through; I don’t know if I could do it.”
“Thank you, Gelly.”
The gryphoness gave him a half-hug, scooting away a tad to sit next to him normally.
“Does that help even more?”
“Quite a bit, actually. It’s- there’s a lot of stuff I have to deal with, so hearing such reassurances from somecreature other than myself puts it in perspective,” he replied.
“Well, I’ll be glad to be your second brain! Not like I’m going anywhere. I’d be quite the hypocrite if I left just because my coltfriend isn’t picture perfect. Goodness knows I’m not,” the gryphoness glanced over to the pony, reaching over to give his hoof a squeeze with her claws.
“It’s still in your head, huh?” she asked softly. “Thinking I’ll learn something about you and just say that's it, I’m done?”
Toxic let out a huff, nodding once.
“Well, keep in mind I’m thinking the same thing, y’know. Thinking you’re dating me for reasons other than what I hope. Buuuut we’ll work on that for the both of us. Toxic, there is one thing you’re missing though, like, a giaaaaant thing. Something that lets me know to not be worried about us.”
“Oh?”
Gelliana nodded, quite happy that Toxic seemed content holding her claws as well.
“Uh huh. You may not agree right now, but the thing is, you’re a happy pony. So you have to deal with some stuff? Ok, don’t we all? With what you deal with, I pretty much expected it from day one. But despite the sad times, the rough moments, you’re still not a gloomy individual. Just naturally peppy and, well, you. You don’t need me or anyone to be happy. That shows how strong a pony you are, and is what makes me so sure that it’ll be ok with us. You’re not needing me to be happy, even with all the stuff you’re going through. I can’t imagine how hard that has to be, but a strong thing.”
“I never thought about it that way,” he mused, the slight melancholy having fled at her words. “I mean, that’s a very attractive thing about you too; being upbeat and not needing me to be happy. Ok, that sounds a bit off. We’re happier together, but…”
“Yeah, I get it. That type of needy is, urg, not a nice thing. Been there, done that. This is sooooo much better. This is like, advanced happiness. Happy apart, but advanced happy together!”
Toxic couldn’t help but laugh at that, not able to disagree.
“That’s one way of putting it.”
Gelliana let out a squeak as Toxic promptly scooted over and wrapped her up in a hug, the gryphoness melting into a puddle of feathers and blush-ridden mumbles at the gesture.
“Thank you, Gells,” he whispered.
“A-anytime…”
Toxic made her blush even further as he nuzzled his cheek against hers, staying there for a moment. The gryphoness felt tears welling up in her eyes as the stallion hugged her a bit closer, his heartbeat thudding in her sensitive ears. He then let her go, all smiles as Gelly desperately tried to smooth her feathers down. She was quickly starting to appreciate this snuggly side of her stallion.
Her stallion. Oh, now that thought made a tingle run down her spine. He wanted to date her. Just her.
“I thought you were the huggy one!” he proclaimed with a grin. “Miss romantic movie-lover!”
“I j-just don’t expect it!” she retaliated, looking down as a hoof gently poked her fluffy chest in exaggerated slowness.
“You.” *poke* “Really.” *poke* “Should.” *poke* “Expect.” *poke* “It.” *poke*”
“…Poke me again and I’ll bite you.”
Toxic grinned, Gelly’s tone holding zero malice. In fact, she seemed to be on the verge of a giggling attack. He couldn’t help but give her a wink, a sly smile now on his face.
“Bite me? Oh my. I mean, I know we’re dating, but is it a tad soon to reveal such desires? So adventurous.”
“Huh? What are y-”
Gelliana’s voice cut off halfway through her thought, feathers and wings snapping out as her face burned a bright red. Toxic nearly was falling off of the bench laughing as the gryphoness aided the process by shoving him over onto the grass.
“TOXIC!”
“What? I had no idea we were at that stage of-”
“We haven’t even kissed!”
“That’s why I was surprised! Aren’t you a daring and passionate one! Or did you mean an ear nibble? What else could you possibly be-”
“I WASN’T TALKING ABOUT THAT!”
Toxic had clearly won the war, the stallion sitting on the grass and wiping away tears of mirth as Gelliana grumbled, hopping off the bench to sit next to him, appearing more like a ball of feathers than a gryphon.
“Are you quite happy with what you’ve done?” she glared at him. “These feathers take forever to get back to normal!”
“W-worth it Miss C-cotton C-candy!”
Gelliana couldn’t help but smile now; seeing Toxic back to his happy self making her own spirits lift.
“Don’t think you’ll escape my wrath.”
“Oh, I am terrified,” Toxic chuckled, wiping away the remnants of his tears.
Seizing the moment, Gelliana reached her neck down to trace along Toxic’s neck with her beak, moving up along his cheek and to his right ear.
“You should be,” she whispered.
And then she nipped his ear.
The stallion sat up with a bolt, face bright red as he glared at the cackling gryphoness as she dashed off.
“YOU!”
“Byyyyyyyye!”
“GET BACK HERE!’
“Nooooooooope!”
The personal guards were hard-pressed to keep up as Toxic galloped after his special somegriff, all thoughts of trial and tribulation overtaken by the warm affectionate glow in his chest.