//------------------------------// // Chapter 59 // Story: Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel // by the-pieman //------------------------------// I sit down on my bed for the twentieth time in the last minute. I’m just so damned restless lately. Or rather... I’ve returned to ‘normal’. I almost forgot how hard it can be for me to sit down or even sleep. Looking back, I’m shocked at how many nights I actually have slept. Or remembered my dreams. Whatever fixed that seems to have gone away. I need to fill time or kill it somehow. I grasp my temple as I stand up again, only to slump back down. If I can’t sit still to save my life, why can’t I come up with something to do? It’s like I have insomnia in the daytime as well. Feel like a tsunami frozen in place. I need everything to slow the fuck down! Just... shut up. Shut it all down. Time... need to... fill it up. I have a hard time keeping my hands from clenching and unclenching over and over. I’m spazzing the fuck out, but where can I put all of this? I need to not be here. I force myself up and down to the library floor. It really does feel like I need to force myself. Need to- “Anthony? Anthony, are you alright?” And there’s my train of thought leaving without me. “What’s wrong, Sparkle?” I groan. “You’re taking those steps pretty hard, and you don’t look so good.” Twilight looks at me a bit worried. “I’m spinning my wheels and it’s driving me crazy.” I exhale, raising another hand to my forehead. “Need to... expend. Somehow. I gotta-” “Woah, hey. Slow down. Breathe.” Twilight says, coming over and walking me to the center table. “You haven’t left the library in almost a week, maybe you just need some fresh air.” “Window’s been open for the past four days. Barely close it.” I inform. She flicks her tail a bit. “I meant going outside. I know you don’t do well when you’re cooped up and all. Maybe go for a jog or something.” I shake my head. Maybe a bit harder than I need to. “What does jogging get done? I tire myself out just to run in circles.” “Well, maybe general energy-expenditure is what you need. And jogging is good for you anyways, exercise isn’t worthless at all.” “I don’t...” “Well, if you don’t want to exercise but you need to keep yourself occupied...” she sits down at the table herself. “Maybe you need some kind of schedule. A bit of regiment can do plenty of good.” “Just need to kill time. Get something done.” “Hey, are your hands alright? You’re flexing them a lot.” she's going to actually tick me off if she keeps stating the obvious. Thoughts moving fast, hard to focus on words to say. “‘M fine, just need- dunno. Need something.” “If you want to give yourself something to do on a regular basis, you could try getting a job. I know we talked about that before.” “What job could I do?” I ask, and I admit I sound a bit more impatient than I need to. Twilight walks off and comes back with a cup of water. “Here, let’s get you hydrated to start with. That could help calm you down.” I take the cup and it does feel good. I down it pretty fast, likely faster than is healthy, and put the cup back on the table. Don’t feel too much better but I at least have better control of my hands. “Now, about finding you a job...” “Have to figure out what would fit. Everything around is for ponies. Nobody has anything built for me.” Twilight thinks in silence for a bit, then nods. “Ponyville isn’t a big hub for different species, so we don’t really have many accommodations for non-equines. That... is a bit of a problem, I suppose. On the other hoof, that narrows down prospects fairly quickly, as far as indoor jobs. What do you like to do?” “Not working in food services.” I note. She fidgets a tad. “...okay, that doesn’t answer my question but narrows our choices down further. Let’s focus on things you can do. What do you feel comfortable doing?” “I... I’ve done trainee work stocking shelves, that wasn’t bad. But most of your sales are handled by individual outdoor market stalls.” “Oh!” She brightens up. “There are a few advanced-styled stores around Ponyville. Well, the only one that seems to get much business is Barnyard Bargains given their varied selection and selling non-perishable produce in bulk. Why don’t you try applying there?” “Is it anything like Walgreens or Target?” Twilight blinks confusedly. “Right. Don’t have those... nevermind.” I sigh. “Okay, where is it? Not much to lose by trying.” “Sure! I can walk you there. Though, perhaps we should wait for later. You still look a bit stressed. Let’s have you calm down, and we can see about writing up a copy of your resumé once you’re more composed, if you need assistance.” I give my most affirmative-sounding grunt in response. “Is there anything I could do to help?” “Dunno.” “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what I need to do...” “And I can’t tell you what I don’t know!” I snap. “Maybe you need a nap, Anthony.” Twilight suggests gently. I shake my head, staring down at the table. “I was hoping to try out that spell on you today, but I don’t know if it would be very safe with you the way you are.” I look up to stare her in the eye. “What spell, exactly?” Twilight fidgets ever so slightly. “Oh, it’s uh... something I learned a bit ago. It had some interesting temporary psychological effects that I was hoping to test out on you. Firstly, it would tell me a few things about your personal mental state and likely help me understand you a bit better.” “What does it do to me, Sparkle?” I grump harshly. “I... I don’t know, honestly. I know what it’s supposed to do, to an extent, but for all I know it may not have that same effect on you. But regardless of what it does, I can guarantee that it will be very temporary.” “So you’re going to try to read my mind or something.” I reply, already preparing to tell her off for even suggesting such a thing. “Not at all. In fact from what I can tell, it won’t tell me anything. It would be more of... inducing an experience on you. It would be up to you whether you say what it was like or not. But as I said, I’d rather you be comfortable and relaxed during it. I have no idea what might happen if you’re as stressed as you are right now. I also won’t cast anything on you without you knowing I’m going to and I have your permission to do so.” “Unless it’s gonna help me slow down my head, I don’t want anything you’d do to me.” I state firmly. “Which I completely understand.” Twilight assures me. “As for helping you ‘slow down’ I don’t really know what sort of advice you want. If you don’t want to get any exercise or lay down, then I’m not really sure. Nothing’s coming to mind, really.” “Got any melatonin?” I ask, not really expecting her to say she does. “Melatonin...” She furrows her brow. “Like... the hormone?” I pause but nod. “Kinda. I mean like... medicinally.” She blinks, looking mildly confused. “As in recreating the stuff chemically and I drink it. Or turn it into a tablet for me to take.” She raises an eyebrow. “Drink... You just... ingest a recreation of the hormone?” She puts on her ‘thinking’ face. “I mean, I suppose that could work, but... Nopony’s ever tested anything like that before.” “But you can do it?” I ask again. She opens her mouth but pauses, and continues with a few more false starts. “Scientifically... yes, it’s absolutely possible to recreate a naturally-occurring hormone but... would it even work if simply ingested?” Now I pause. “You... your chemists haven’t done anything like that before? You have penicillin er... ‘Flame-Mold’ but you’ve never done that?” “Making ingestible supplements out of vitamins and such in general? Of course we have, on rare occasions for curiosity’s sake, but nopony’s ever done it specifically with melatonin that I’m aware of. I mean... somepony would have to have been curious enough to recreate it and then drink it simply to see if it did work by simple ingestion. You’re saying... it does?” “I used that shit constantly.” I say. “Sometimes it was the only way to get me to stay asleep for more than five minutes.” Twilight pauses and nods slowly, clearly thinking to herself more than responding to me. “Yes... I suppose if it works as you say then... well, I suppose it’s possible. I’d have to ask somepony who knows what the formula is, but depending on what it requires, I could give it a try...” She trails off but becomes more audible as she continues. “A sleep aid that simply introduces an extra dose of a naturally-created hormone, that’s actually rather clever.” “If you can turn it into a tablet, that makes it even easier to pop before bed.” I note. “Tablet?” Twilight cocks her head to the side. “I assume you don’t mean a slab of stone, given the context but...” “Pill. Powderized form of it that gets compacted into a hard, dissolvable object. Ten milligrams of the stuff is enough to get me to bed on time... usually. Sometimes it takes a bit more.” “...” Twilight stares at me like I said something deeply interesting. “Human sciences are so fascinating... But yes, that... I suppose all of that is technically possible...” I resume my deadpan. “No ‘technically’ about it. We’ve done it. Pretty sure you guys could pull it off if you thought to try it.” “We haven’t thought to try it as far as I’m aware though.” She says, breaking eye contact to think out loud. “It’s just... You’re suggesting that we take a hormone, chemically reproduce it, and then say that all one would have to do is drink it to get the same effect as it being naturally produced by one’s body. Usually it’s not as simple as that.” “Well, if nobody’s tried it, that’s not exactly my fault, now is it?” “I suppose that’s fair. I just... I guess it makes me wonder what else your species has developed that we’ve never thought was feasible enough to attempt.” I shrug. “Seems to be the general reason you haven’t progressed anywhere close to what we have. Aside from the obvious second reason.” “Second reason? What do you mean?” “We don’t have magic to solve any problems. Either science can solve a problem, or it can’t. If science can’t solve it... we’re fucked. So we try our damndest to make science meet as many goals as possible, regardless of how silly a given hypothesis sounds. It lets us know what is and isn’t possible to accomplish as a species.” “Well, it’s certainly educating either way. Also, I’ve noticed something else.” Twilight says, smiling at me. “What’s that?” Her smile becomes a grin. “You’re not nearly as irritable as you were earlier. My best guess is that you needed to be distracted from having nothing to do.” She’s right, I don’t feel horribly antsy. Not relaxed but... better all the same. “Anyways, I’ll make a note of your melatonin idea and then I can show you to Barnyard Bargains if you’re still interested in going today.” “Eh, sure... whenever that is.” I say and slump a bit. Nope, not that much better. Walking through town with Twilight and I notice we’re moving past and away from the usual market area, and we’re coming up to a building that looks somewhat out of place. Still has a bit of that Ponyville aesthetic but it’s got stone and wood for its primary structure and a bit square. It’s also fairly large and has plenty of windows. It doesn’t look as tall as something like a Target, but it’s definitely as tall as most of the two-story houses around here, so it’s an appreciable size. Twilight leaves me here, saying she’s going to do some shopping. Apparently she’s low on ink and other such supplies. Guess this is all on me. Might as well get this done. I note that my hair is still rather shaggy, but considering everyone around has more hair in their manes than I have on my whole body, I doubt I’d comparably look ‘unkempt’. I take a breath to psyche myself up and I push the door open- waitasec. I... I didn’t have to duck. At all. The doorways are large enough for me, that’s a big plus. Walking in I see that the place is... it’s got the general atmosphere of a convenience store, shelves all about in rows and islands of various products, but it’s larger than a Seven-Eleven or a Circle-K by a lot. I also notice there’s plenty of space between my head and the ceiling. I stretch my arms out wide and upwards and... I don’t scrape against anything. Okay, interior size alone makes this place a huge plus already. I look around and spot the cashier and begin making my way over. I check the shape of their snout and notice it’s a mare. Odd how that’s the defining visible gender difference... “Oh, hello there. Are you looking for something particular?” she greets. I nod “Sort of. Is your boss around? I’d like to speak with them.” The cashier blinks but nods. “Yes, of course. One moment.” she walks over to a pony which I assume is another employee who walks off while the cashier comes back. “You may have to wait a few moments, but we’ll make sure Mr. Rich knows that you’re here to see him, Anthony.” Eh? How does she- alien celebrity... right... Ugh, I’m really not a fan of that, creeps me out. After a few minutes of waiting, out comes a light-brown stallion wearing a rather nice-looking plain red tie. He’s got a thick and dark slicked back mane. Looks almost gelled, but managed properly. Certainly well-to-do. Figure I should show initiative, first thing’s first. “Hello sir. You’re Mr. Rich?” The stallion looks up to meet my eyes. “Yes I am. Is there anything in particular you needed to see me for? I hope there haven't been any problems.” I hold out my hand around hip-level and it takes him a brief moment before he catches on and meets me with his hoof for a handshake. “No problems, but I did want to see you, sir. I’m looking for a job, and a friend of mine suggested I apply here. You’re the manager?” He pauses, then laughs. “Oh no, I’m the owner of this business.” Really? Wait a sec... “Oh, geez. Sorry, I asked this cashier to see her boss, I figured she was going to get a manager.” He has a good chuckle at that. “Hah, no worries at all. Racer would have likely taken you to me anyways once he knew you were applying. So tell me, what is one of Ponyville’s heroic figures doing asking for work? Or rather, what sort of position were you thinking of?” I nod. “I’m wanting to earn some money on the regular, and monster-fighting doesn’t earn any wage, nor is it tax deductible.” He gets a big laugh out of that. “Of course not, no.” He says, smiling. He’s a pretty nice guy. “Yes, the pursuit of reliable income is a good reason to want a job.” “Anyways, what I was thinking was that since most of my work experience is rather... human-oriented, I doubt I have a resumé that anyone around might find particularly valuable, so I figured an entry-level job would fit for now. I can stock shelves, take inventory, that sort of thing.” He nods in thought. “I could certainly use somepony for that. It’s a big store, but not many employees at the moment. I can certainly try you out, Anthony. So what sort of hours were you thinking? When are you available?” I shrug. “I mean, I can pretty easily fit myself into a regular nine-to-five. Don’t have much of a defined schedule.” “Nine-to-five? Well, depending on how many days a week you’d be working I’m not sure if I’d need you that much...” He puts a hoof to his chin. “Hmmmm... if I can get Fridays and Saturdays as days off, I could probably work every other day of the week.” “Actually, come with me, let’s talk this over in my office.” he says and I nod and let him lead. I’m taken upstairs and down a small hallway, but still tall enough for my head. “Your timing is a bit uncanny, actually. I’m not here all that often since I tend to work from home. I like to stay close to my family, but still need to keep an eye on how things are going at the store every now and then.” He leads me into his office and it’s a nicely-sized room. He’s got a dark wooden desk with small stacks of notices and the like laid out in piles that only he likely knows the organization of, as well as a couple desktop photographs and a cigar box. He sits down and offers the seat in front of the desk, and I see that while it seems comfortable it doesn’t appear like it’d fit me properly... but I don’t wanna be rude. It’s a bit of an odd fit but it is well-cushioned at least. Once we’re both seated he continues. “As for Fridays and Saturdays off, that should be fairly easy. I’d like to try you out before we get a solid schedule set up of course, but I don’t see any particular reason you’d be poorly suited to working here. You are rather tall, but some of my workers have mentioned that the upper shelves can get difficult to manage very easily, so that may just be the perfect niche to fit you into. We’ll just have to see how you do.” “Alright then, sounds good to me. I don’t know what sort of metric I could use to base my effectiveness on, but I’m willing to give it a shot.” He smiles. “You’re honest about needing improvement. I like that, everypony’s always got new things to learn. So, as for giving you a training day, when’s the soonest you’d be open?” I think for a sec and glance about in thought but return my gaze to him and shrug. “I’m here now.” He nods with a big grin. “Hah, I like you already! Go-getters are always good to have on hoof. But I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to set anything up quite that soon. I’d need to give my employees a bit of an advance that they’ll need to watch and evaluate a newcomer. How about Thursday around ten? That way I can have your evaluation handled over your desired off-days and if we take you on, you can start the following Sunday.” I nod. “That works well for me. Anything I should bring in particular?” He thinks it over. “Well, normally no, but now that I think of it, there is a dress code policy. That is, a collar you’d wear so that customers can easily recognize an employee when they need assistance. But... you’d likely need to be specially fitted considering you’re different. That will probably cost a bit extra to have done.” “If you can give me a sample of one of these collars, I know a couple someone’s I could show it to and either of them would be able to fit it for me. Though honestly a lone collar isn’t all that noticeable on me. Maybe have the design recreated as a shirt? That’d be more visible.” “Yes, actually, that could work... now, the question is how much would that cost?” He puts a hoof to his chin in thought. “I’m pretty sure I could cover that myself, sir.” I say, figuring neither Misty Dale nor Rarity, whoever I take it to, would charge an exorbitant amount for a job like that. Rich raises an eyebrow. “Hm? Oh, yes... if you’d cover the cost... yes, that’s perfectly fine. Well Anthony, I don’t know yet if you’re a good fit for actually working here, but I must say, you’re the first pony- er person who’s ever come looking for a job without any demonstrable experience or references, but you’ve certainly made an impression. I hope you do well, because I can already say that at the very least, your attitude is one I greatly appreciate.” I try not to visibly wince. Okay, he likes me a lot... I just have to make sure I’ve my good attitude whenever he’s around. I can’t lose all this progress from a bad day. Then again, I already figured I would have to fake being perfectly fine any time I come in to work regardless of folks liking me. “Well then Mr. Rich, I don’t particularly know what else I could ask at the moment. I mean, I could ask how much I’d be paid, but we don’t rightly know how many hours per week I’d be working so...” “Very true... though I can at least tell you that pay is distributed weekly. So then, are there any other questions you have?” I think on it. “I heard you sell things in bulk. I assume that’s things like corn or pet feed? How heavy do those bags get?” “Ah, yes, thank you for reminding me. For those we have special carts designed for moving them, so it shouldn’t be that difficult, as heavy as they are. Anything else?” “I can’t think of anything else right now. If I come up with anything, I suppose I can ask when I come in for being vetted.” “Vetted?” He furrows his brow but it resolves. “Ah yes, Cliff Racer will be able to answer any work-related questions. I suppose we’re done here, then.” He holds his hoof out over his desk and I lean over to shake, though it’s a bit awkward given height difference and how difficult it is to move in this tiny chair. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment at all on it, though with my stretch I notice something about one of the photos standing on his desk, and it confuses me. I stand up and before he can bid a goodbye I point at the picture. “That’s...” Crap, uh, her name was... oh yeah. “That’s Diamond Tiara?” He quirks an eyebrow. “Hmmm? Oh yes, she’s my daughter. You know her?” “Ah, she’s an acquaintance of some of the children I’m friends with.” I explain, deciding to leave the bullying aspect out of it. This isn’t the time or place at all for that discussion. “Well how about that?” He grins. “Ponyville gets smaller and smaller every day, doesn’t it?” Annnnd now I have ‘It’s a Small World’ playing in my head. Fucking hell... “It sure does. Anyways, you have a good day, sir.” “You have a good day yourself, Anthony. I look forward to working with you.” I grin. “And I look forward to working for you.” “Hah, you’re a witty one.” He nods. “You’re going to fit in around here just fine!” We give our goodbyes one more time and I head downstairs to the floor and to the cashier. “Mr. Rich said I’d get a collar as my employee uniform?” She nods and looks about to make sure there weren’t any customers coming up to the till. “Yes, just a moment.” She walks off quickly and it’s not long before she returns and not a minute later the pony she talked to before comes over with a collar identical to the one he and the cashier are wearing. He hands it to me and introduces himself. “I’m Cliff Racer, I’m the manager here. I’ll be evaluating you when you come by for orientation.” I take the collar and nod. “I was told as much. I look forward to working with you.” He smirks “Yeah, I got the feeling you were gonna be working here. Filthy looked pretty interested when I said that Anthony had shown up to see him, and from the looks of things he took quite a shine to you. If you can hold your own around here, I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” I bid goodbye to him and make my way out of the store, waving to the cashier as I pass. I get outside and round the corner of the building and find a spot without a window to slump against, letting my smile drop. Whoooooooo, I’m just gonna have to keep up my ‘friendly’ face for five days a week whilst performing manual labor for hours on end for the rest of whenever... Oh joy... I can do that much... can’t I? Fingers crossed... Also... Diamond Tiara’s dad... really didn’t see that coming. That apple fell really damned far from the tree. Then again, the way his office looked and the way he looked, he does seem upper-middle class at least so his daughter being a rich kid certainly checks out... Anyways, I need to get this collar to Misty Dale once I get some Bits to pay for it. Then I need to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my day.