Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel

by the-pieman


Chapter 58

Pacing around town, there’s not a whole lot to see. There’s some commotion not too far from where I am but whatever it was is long over before I get there. Whatever caused it must have been moving pretty fast and left just as quickly.

Yet again, I’m late to the spectacle... whatever it was. So it’s back to pacing about searching for things to do. The other day, Fluttershy suggested I involve myself more but that requires finding something to involve myself with.

As usual, the only people that come to mind that I can really enjoy myself with are the children. Man, there need to be more interesting adults about, because I’m practically attaching myself to the local youth purely for entertainment. Then again... I suppose it makes sense that I’d be hanging around with others like myself. Virtually no responsibility, tons of free time and running off to dick around for the hell of it because ‘why not?’ and all that. I’m quite the pathetic loser...

Oh well... beggars can’t be choosers. I think school’s out now, so I head off to the crusaders' clubhouse. I get to the clearing and see them leaving already, charging off in different directions. Hope I can catch their attentions in time.

“Hey girls, what’s happening?” At my call they stop and notice me.

“Oh, Anthony! We were just gonna go find our sisters and Rainbow Dash.” Sweetie Belle says.

Applebloom nods. “Applejack and I are gettin’ a break from all our work. Applebuckin’ season isn’t here yet, but we’ve been workin’ ourselves rough, so she said we should go campin’ out at Winsome Falls!”

I nod but pause. “As well as the rest of you? Even Dash and Rarity?”

Apple Bloom shifts a hoof a bit. “Well, I haven’t told her anypony else is comin’, but that’s what I was gonna do.”

“Wanna come with us?” Sweetie asks, Scootaloo hopping on the idea. “Yeah! That’d be cool! I get to go camping with Rainbow Dash and Anthony! Say yes!”

Well, that came out of nowhere... uh, well... Camping? I mean... hiking, and bugs, and sleeping on dirt. Maybe I should just let them- Participate. Oh, yeah, I should do that I suppose. Eh, I guess if it’s them it wouldn’t be that bad. “Sure, I’ll come along. I... don’t have a sleeping bag or a tent though. How would I-”

“You could sleep with Rarity and me!” Sweetie Belle offers. “Rarity’s got a big fancy tent, she loves camping!”

Considering Rarity dislikes dirt and bugs far more than I do, I doubt that, but Rarity’s surprised me before so... “Well, if she thinks it’s okay, then I guess I can do that.”

Scootlaoo yells where we’ll meet up to hike there and they all dash off. I notice that Noi isn’t around... Maybe her family already had plans. I shrug and decide I should know where I’m going. I get back to the library and I realize how glad I am I tidied my room, as I quickly find that atlas Twi got me. It’s hefty. Okay... Winsome Falls... Winsome Falls... There’s gotta be an index or something. Man, as convenient as this thing is, the fact that books lack a Ctrl+F feature makes it a lot more tedious. If I ever figure out how to get my hands on a laptop or something, and a scanner, I’m digitizing this big fucking thing.

After a bit more looking I find the region of Equestria I’m looking for and... oh, that’s not too far. Enough to be called ‘Away from it all’ but not that bad of a hike.

I get over to Twilight’s room and knock on the open door to get her attention. “Oh, hello. Did you need something?”

“I’m going out camping at Winsome Falls for... some currently unspecified number of nights. Not sure when I’ll be back. Figured I’d let you know where to look for my corpse if anything happens.”

Twilight rolls her eyes. “You’re so morbid, Anthony... but at least forward-thinking. Anyways, have a good time. I don’t have much planned for the next few days so I should be around when you get back.”

If I get back.” I correct.

“It’s just camping right?” Twilight switches her tail in frustration... and that makes me notice that I’m now understanding pony body language. Geez, that’s weird. “What could go that wrong?”

“I’m going with three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Rainbow Dash.” I clarify, and Twilight pauses.

“Okay, I suppose I’ll... know where to look for a body if need be. Actually, I could go as well if you need another chaperone.”

I wave it off. “Nah, AJ and Rarity are coming with their sisters. Between all of us there should be enough responsibility to constitute at least one proper adult.”

Twilight chuckles. “Alright, fair enough. Have a good time.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Speaking with you is always so interesting.” Twilight sighs.

I wink. “If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be taking time off that book Celestia sent you to work on depuzzling my psyche.”

“I’m not putting it off!” Twilight defends loudly. “I’m doing them both! I am fully capable of multitasking my research. Though speaking of your psychology, I’m wanting to try a few things with you, when you get back from camping.”

“Twilight, please.” I raise my arms in a placating gesture. “I insist you buy me dinner, first. I won’t be going about experimenting with a woman who doesn’t appreciate me!”

Twilight deadpans. “You’ll turn anything into a potentially-raunchy suggestion, won’t you?”

“It’s the only way you’re fun to talk to!” I declare. “Anyways, I’ll see you later.”

I leave and I’m passing the kitchen and it smells like... “Spike, if you’re trying to recreate my sandwiches, you’ll need-”

“No hints! I’m gonna figure it out!” Spike insists loudly in response.

“Dude, chill, it’s a sandwich.” I call back. “It’s good, sure, but it’s a sandwich.”

“It’s better than mine, so I wanna figure out how you did it, and I’m gonna.” Spike announces.

“Sure you will. Anyways, I’m peacing out, see you in whenever.” I leave the library, and begin heading for where we were all gonna meet up.

A bit of a walk later I find the meetup spot... marked by the large cart of cases that can only belong to Rarity, noticeable even from a slight distance. It’s even bigger than I thought when I get close. Guess she really might have a big enough tent for herself, Sweetie and I. “Sheesh, Rarity. Did you remember to pack?”

I hear Applejack chuckle. “That’s what Ah sai-” then she notices me, as does Rarity, and things go silent.

One of the kids coughs and I take that as a cue. “I’m guessing nobody said I was invited as well.”

“Nope.” Is all Applejack says, looking a touch unenthused.

I notice we’re missing someone. “Did Rainbow Dash cancel?”

“N- No! She’s coming!” Scootaloo insists. “She’ll just meet us later.”

“Well, assuming my being present without forewarning isn’t a particular problem with anyone... I’m still included?” I direct my question at Applejack since she’s the most likely to decline.

She sighs but nods. “Ya can come, long as ya don’t start any trouble.”

“As if I’m the only one who starts trouble around here.” I point out. “But thanks for letting me come.”

“Yeah, well at least there’s plenty a’ room in the great outdoors fer all of us.” AJ says shortly. “Alright gang, let’s get movin’.”

Sweetie Belle trails behind us carrying all of Rarity’s shit. Uphill. Sweetie doesn’t seem that bothered, but she does look a bit strained. I slow down to keep her company. “So... you don’t mind?”

“Don’t uh... mind what?” The reply is so innocent as if she had some idea of what I meant but wasn’t really bothered.

“Carrying Rarity’s stuff. She’s got you hooked up to a cart...” I decide to point out the obvious just in case. “She isn’t helping, either.”

“Well, uh, she, uh... there’s only room for one pony to pull it, and it’s not like she can do it all on her own.” Sweetie defends. Man, this girl loves her sister...

“Really? She can’t? How much does all that stuff weigh? I heard that she was able to get from one end of Ponyville to another with a boulder on her back.” I quirk an eyebrow.

Rarity suddenly turns to look back at me. “Exactly where did you hear that?”

I shrug. “I don’t remember. But I heard it. Figured it was true, considering...”

“Considering what?” Rarity asks, tersely.

“Considering I figure that, even without any confirmation or details, it’d be a nice way to distract you from complaining about how long it’s taking us to get to the campsite.” I grin.

“Well, I’m sorry if I don’t actually know how far it is!” Rarity defends herself once again.

“Pfft, I looked it up before I left.” I raise my voice to call ahead to Applejack. “First stop is just up here, yeah?”

“Yep, we’re here.” AJreplies, sounding a bit less upset about having me around. “Oh, and there’s Rainbow Dash.” She gestures to the rainbow streak in the sky above the clearing of trees.

I have to admit, place doesn't look half bad. Plenty of green, but the ground actually looks pretty flat and there’s a little stream of light blue water. Just being nearish to it is fairly cooling after the trek up here. I broke a sweat for sure, but of course as always, it’s mostly my back.

I hear the sound of logs breaking and I see Dash flying-kick her way through standing trees, dive into the stream and come up with a bunch of rocks. She basically builds our campsite in a few moments. I’ll admit, I’m impressed. But man, that was way over-the-top. Guess for her, a day that she doesn’t showboat is a day wasted.

Scootaloo looks pretty starstruck though and walks up and- damn, that’s the most spectacular display of tripping and hurting oneself I’ve seen. It’s like watching a Vine in real life. She... looks like she hit her head pretty hard, but she’s acting like she didn’t just smash the back of her head into the dirt while spinning through the air.

She actually looks somewhat okay at the very least but... she’s trying way too hard to be cool for her idol. Eh, she’ll grow out of it eventually, I’m sure.

“What took you guys so long?” Dash asks. “Oh, hey Anthony. Didn’t know you were coming.”

I shrug. “I’m better as a surprise. As for all of us taking so long... well, I gues I just have to wionder how slow you’d be in comparison if you couldn’t fly around like a spastic bird.”

“Hey, I can-” Dash pauses. “Nope. I’m not doing that again. Last time I bet I could do anything without wings, it was so lame...”

“Anyways.” Applejack changes the subject, but I swear I can see a tiny grin on her face. “Let’s get set up.”

The simple tents are easily set up, and I pitch in because... why not, I guess. Better than sitting around. Then... Rarity unpacks this massive fucking behemoth that’s like a yurt. With two stories. And really fucking fancy. And so purple.

“You’ve got to be kidding me...” Rainbow Dash says, staring at the absurdly fancy ‘tent’.

I give Dash a nudge and a wink, then announce loudly. “Well, gee. It sure looks like I’ll be rooming with Rarity and Sweetie Belle, then!”

“What!?” I hear Rarity start. “Why in Equestria do you-”

“Well, I mean... look at their tents.” I say, pointing at the sensible, reasonably-scaled setups that Applejack and Rainbow have, and begin doing my impression of Rarity. “They’re so tiny compared to me. I could barely fit my upper half in one of them. You can’t possibly expect me to shove them aside to make space for myself, and you certainly can’t expect me to sleep on the dirt, especially if it rains. Not when you have oh so much room in that wondrous domicile of yours.” I give her my best shit-eating-grin.

Rarity sighs from the second floor balcony of her yurt-thing and then takes a moment to sigh a second time. “Very well... but only if you do not interrupt my beauty sleep.”

“I’ll do my best not to.” I grin. “After all, beauty sleep is something you desperately need.”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash begin snickering and Rarity gives me a dirty look but says nothing to me, instead turning to her sister. “Sweetie Belle, be a dear and gather some flowers for my bedside vase...” and she just hops to it. Guess Sweetie really doesn’t mind accommodating her sister so much, she looks happy to go off and pick flowers for a bedside vase that goes inside a motherfucking tent.

Rainbow Dash starts doing her own Rarity impression in asking Scoots to get us some firewood and we all have another good chuckle. After we’ve got ourselves set, Applejack gets the fire started and I hear Dash call out. “Alright, now that we’re all ready, we can get on to me telling the best story you ever heard!

Scootlaoo hops up from the log she’s seated on. “Oh, is it the one about the time Rarity got magical wings, then they got ruined, and you saved her from plummeting to her doom!?”

Rarity blushes and Rainbow pauses. “Oookay, maybe it’s the second-best story you ever heard. But probably still the scariest.

I chuckle. “Oh yes, let’s have Rainbow Dash tell us a scary story. Gee, I wonder what she’d think is scary? How about a time she lost at anything. That sounds like something that would scare her.”

“Hey, it’s actually scary!” Rainbow insists. “You like scary stories, right?”

Once we’re all together and it’s properly dark with campfire shadows dancing everywhere, I sit back and listen to her ‘scary story’. She’s not bad at the theatrics of storyelling, I’ll admit. Her inflections are decent and she’s making good use of the atmosphere... but it’s so cliche, Anansi would have a stroke. Happened on a night just like this one, in woods very similar to the one we’re in... And it’s just the stupid “rusty-hook” story with the finisher being one of the others here.

Obviously, Dash picks Scootaloo as the ‘You!’ and Scoots starts trying way too hard to not act like she’s scared. Kinda cute, really. Dash praises the kid, so good on her but then Dash starts boasting about how fearless she is and I have to laugh.

“Pfft, that’s not scary.” I comment. “It’s easy to say you’re fearless when you’ve never actually heard a real scary story.”

“Well, I think we should hit the straw.” Applejack says, Applebloom latched onto her big sister like a barnacle, clearly terrified of the story, Rarity comforting Sweetie Belle herself.

“Next time, I’m telling the scary story.” I announce. “Prepare to be shooketh, Dashie.”

“Pfft, you can’t scare me.” Dash replies casually.

“O- or me!” Scootaloo adds, a waver in her voice fairly noteworthy, to me at least. Rainbow Dash gives Scoots a bit more praise, once again using herself as an example. I watch Dash dump a pail of water on the fire and head for her tent. I pause and wait a moment. Then another. I have to sigh. That pony knows as much about campfire safety as she does about scary stories. I go over and smother the fire with dirt and such, making sure it won’t heat back up again before I join Rarity and Sweetie Belle in their tent.

“Well, that was certainly interesting. It’ll be nice to get some sleep.” Rarity says, laying down. I get a small mat on the floor of the tent and get ready to lay down myself. “Ah, Anthony, what are you doing?”

“I’m getting ready for bed, what’s it look like?”

“Like you’re... taking off your clothes.” She pauses and whispers harshly to me. “With my little sister right here!”

“Chill out, I’m not taking off my underwear. Besides, let’s see how comfortably you sleep with clothes on.” I point out that she’s taken off all of her ‘hiking’ outfit. I strip down to my boxers and lay down, my clothes set off to the side before whispering back “Further, I’ll have you know, your implied accusations of my potential relationship with Sweetie Belle are disgusting and insulting.”

“Can we just go to sleep?” Sweetie yawns from the other end of the tent. “I’m tired from pulling that cart all the way here.”

“Yes, you’ve certainly earned some rest.” Rarity replies softly, eyeing me as I lay down facing away from either of them. “Rather safe than sorry, is all.” I know that last part was said to me, and I can hear a bit of apology in her voice so I let it pass.


Next morning and we’re off for the next campsite. Everything is packed up fairly quickly since apparently Rarity’s tent, as extravagant as it is, is basically two poles away from completely collapsing... which given how portable that makes it for its size, is actually not that big of a design flaw. Yet again, Sweetie is trailing behind a bit carrying Rarity’s things. This time she’s also pushing Rarity herself on some sort of tiny lounge with wheels. I’m actually rather surprised at how diligent and strong Sweetie Belle is. Rarity flips out over how she might be sweating and at least thanks her sister. I guess it’s just a weird relationship they have.

I offer my two cents. “Yes, and it looks like Sweetie’s breaking a sweat herself.” I lean down to the filly. “You mind if I help out? I certainly wouldn’t mind taking Rarity along for a nice brisk drag.” 

Rarity frowns distastefully at me, but Sweetie Belle assures me that she’s fine. She’s a trooper, I’ll give her that. Honestly, she’s doing more weight-pulling than Applejack or Apple Bloom. Not that those two brought enough to warrant impressive weight-pulling.

Applejack urges us to get moving before it’s dark and Scootaloo rushes from behind me on her scooter saying she’ll scout out ahead. Was she... always back there? Huh...

We continue on ourselves and just as I’m starting to get a little annoyed at Rarity’s advice on how important it is to bring certain amenities anywhere you go, Scootaloo calls from a bush off the path saying that the path is a lot clearer. Wait... didn’t she go ahead? How is she beside us... guess wherever she went was just some loop-around.

After a bit, AJ stops to have a chat with Scootaloo about something I can’t hear, something about exercise... Scootaloo does seem more active than yesterday. She rushes up to Rarity and I and asks if we want any help. Well, she offered, so Sweetie trades her spot on the cart for a break. Sweetie Belle looks a bit relieved, but Scootaloo seems to be having a much harder time moving it.

Then again, I guess it makes sense. If her preferred method of mobility is a scooter, then she doesn’t build as many leg muscles during her general commuting about, and I’ve seen Sweetie walk everywhere. Guess it makes sense Sweetie Belle has stronger legs... I wonder what a tier list for the CMC would even look like. Either way, I hang back with Scoots for a bit.

“You doing okay, kid?”

“Uh? Oh, errrr, n- never better! No problems at all!” Scoots assures me, even as she strains.

I shrug. “Alright, if you say so...” I’m a bit worried about her but if she’s not willing to talk about whatever’s eating her... then it’s not my business to push her.

Well, it’s dark before we find another proper clearing, and AJ points out a cave, saying we should sleep there instead of needing tents. RD is excited, and she says how perfect the cave is for the story she had tonight.

I roll my eyes. “Tch, you couldn’t scare a hypochondriac into thinking they have the plague.”

Dash huffs. “Fine... let’s get the campfire set up and then you can tell your lame story.”

Scootaloo is sent out to get wood again, but even I know a kid shouldn’t be wandering the woods late at night. Dunno what’s out there for sure, but I think I saw the atlas say something about bears. I should make sure there’s at least one adult around keeping an eye on her, so I follow along to help.

I help out and we gather plenty of kindling, mostly sticks and twigs and branches. No proper logs just laying about, and Scootaloo sounds really eager to be done as fast as possible. Maybe prodding her a bit more will get her to talk. “You sure you’re doin’ alright, Scootaloo?”

“Oh, s- sure! Just can’t wait to uh... hear another story. Is yours.... Really uh, really gonna be scarier than Rainbow Dash’s?”

I smirk. “Oh heck yeah. I got some stuff that's so scary, it frightened me as a kid even just to tell it.”

“Oh! Uh... w- well you won’t have that problem with me! I’m not scared of anything!”

I nod. “Sure... but if you do get scared, I have to warn you...” I eye her carefully and she gulps nervously. “If you really can’t handle it after all, just tell me. Folks told me not to worry because it’s just a story and all, but assuaging fear isn’t as simple as rationalizing it as a story. If you need a buddy, you let me know.”

“I- I won’t need a buddy at all! I’m tough!

“Courage isn’t about not being afraid of anything, it’s being capable even though you are scared.” I state and we get on with making our way back with our firewood. Applejack lights it up and we all get seated outside the cave.

The moment we’re all sat down, Rainbow Dash starts up. “Alright, now let’s keep going where I left off.”

“Hey, I was gonna tell the next scary story.” I say.

“Yeah, the next one. I’m not finished with mine, I didn’t even get to the scary part.” Rainbow Dash insists and I sigh, rolling my hand in a gesture for her to continue. Dash begins cackling and Scootaloo hops up and offers to tell her own story. Since Dash isn’t nearly as competitive with Scoots as she is with me, Scoots is allowed her story.

She gives a little blurb about her setting being all nice and happy and stuff but doesn’t go anywhere. Nobody is all that enthused and Rainbow Dash interrupts her. I go to defend her, though. “Hey, come on. Not everyone’s good at telling stories. Besides, nobody said it had to be a scary story. Even if it is scary, a nice happy buildup can lead to a more impactful scare but... I guess if Rainbow Dash is so bored by proper pacing in storytelling...”

Dash pouts at me. “Okay, fine. You know so much about scary stories, why don’t you tell one?”

I shrug. “That’s all I’ve asked for this whole trip.” and I grin, adopting a softer voice and a bit of a narrative flair to my speech. “Alright everyone, sit and listen. For I am about to tell you a story. A poem of sorts, rather. A poem I call... The Creak.”

I move to grab some of the kindling we haven’t used. The sticks are dead and dry and are perfect for my effects, which I plan to use alongside my shoes and my own voice.

“Wait, the creek?” Apple Bloom asks. “As in a river?”

I give her a small smile. “No, my dear. Not a river...” I shift part of the wood against another one as well as my shoe in a specific way that sounds not unlike floorboards. I begin with that exact noise repeated.

[]
Creak A sound, faint, distant, but still heard.

Crack Something snapping, or being trampled on.

Whoosh ‘Was that the wind?’

The man stands up and peeks out the window. A clear night is all he sees, the full moon brilliant in the sky. Laughing at his nervousness, he returns to his book.

Creak The man now silently chuckles at the sound.

Crack How could he have been scared of some sounds?

Whoosh ‘Must be breezy out tonight.’

Thump …did that come from within the house?

The man stares into the fire, trying to calm his jangled nerves.

[]
I make a gesture with my arms, encouraging everyone to do the same with the campfire.
[]

Creak

Crack ...

Whoosh …will the sounds never cease?

Thump…Thump…Thump…

Closer, he thinks, the sounds are getting closer. He shuts the book and closes his eyes, and thinks of something besides his wild imagination.

Creak

Thump

Crack

Thump

Whoosh

[]
Now I begin to narrate properly, but quietly, as I make the noises with my simple instruments.
[]

Thump Thump Thump …a pause? The man moves quietly, slowly, towards the door with a nervous gait. Thump …a step back…Thump …yes, it’s getting closer. Thump…he stares at the door, trying to somehow see through it…Thump ...he reaches slowly for the doorknob, hand shaking, no longer able to take not knowing…Creak, a loose floorboard, near the door outside…Thump, he slowly opens the door...

[]
I grin and simply say the word now, yelling loudly and gesturing wildly and suddenly. “A scream!” 

Everybody jumps at least a bit, some more than others. I grin wider and lean back, making no noise but one more word, a barely audible whisper. “...Silence...”

I let the tension of the noiselessness hover in the air for a good long minute to let it sink in, the little fillies are shaking.

“W- W- What happened?” Apple Bloom asks. “What... happened to the man?”

I nod at their receptiveness, but don’t acknowledge the question. “Well, that’s the story.”

“What happens next, though?” Sweetie Belle asks, and even the adults are leaning in a bit.

“What happened to him? What happens after?” I shrug from my sitting position and reply slowly and precisely. “Those are some very... very... good... questions.” I stand up from my seat by the fire as quietly as possible, and I see everyone at varying degrees of fear, nobody is sitting completely still. You wanna scare someone absolutely shitless, make them terrified of every single tiny noise they’ll hear for the rest of the camping trip... and Rainbow was trying to scare me with a hook story... pathetic. I stretch and break my constructed silence yet again. “Anyways. Sleep well, all!”

Scootaloo jumps up. “It’s not time for bed yet, is it?”

Applejack chuckles, though a bit nervously. “‘Fraid so, Scootaloo.”

I watch Scoots stumble on her words. “But, uh, we haven’t even sung any campfire songs!”

Yeah, she’s totally rattled, doing whatever she can to not have to sleep. You’d have to be thick to not notice it at this point.

Sweetie Belle quickly recovers her senses though and brightens up considerably at the suggestion of singing. She then gets up on a rock and begins singing a rendition of nintey-nine bottles of beer on the wall, but with buckets of oats.

All the adults look far more unenthused by this than my story, but Scotaloo looks pretty perky, and I have to agree, watching adults get upset is always a gas.

Sweetie Belle trips up every now and then, but eventually winds down to one bucket of oats left and then to zero, now as loud as possible and waking up everyone who’d passed out from the repetition. She looks super proud of herself, but I myself am not done yet. “Well gee, Sweetie Belle, why’d you stop singing?” I ask.

“Well... I uh... There aren’t any more buckets of oats. You can’t have less than zero.”

I nod and say “You’re absolutely right, but there’s still something you can do, though.” 

“What’s that?” Sweetie looks at me confused, and I begin singing myself.

“Zero buckets of oats on the wall, zero buckets of oats...” She looks at me really curiously, wondering where I’m going with it and I continue extra slowly. “You go to the store... you buy some more... one thousand buckets of oats on the wall...”

“Nnnope!” Applejack announces loudly. “We’re going to bed now.”

“Alright, fine.” I say getting up and heading for the cave.

Scootaloo is now clearly showing how scared she is to go to sleep, urging others to participate in any non-sleeping activity that comes to her mind. I originally planned on making that ‘Thump’ noise one more time to scare everyone again before they all tucked in but... for her sake, I’ll pass. I should probably do something about it, but... honestly, I think it’s best for her to learn that it’s okay to tell people you’re scared first, and I can’t just shove more inspirational garbage down her throat, because then she doesn’t learn any lessons from it. Ah well.

Next morning we’re off again and it’s a really short walk to our ultimate goal. I gawk at the sight. “Is that... is that a river... made of rainbow? Falling from the sky!?

And everyone around is too busy with some footrace to explain why there is liquid rainbow streaming from the motherfucking clouds!

Sometimes, even though I talk with pastel horses on a daily basis,  I forget I’m living in some nonsensical, back-ass-wards fantasy world. Seriously... nobody is explaining this naturally occurring rainbow water from the sky. Rain... bow? Is... Oh fuck’s sake, even the natural environment is a damned pun!


Well, the day is spent with me having a fairly good time with everyone, and Scootaloo looks a lot more relaxed. Guess she got over her problem overnight. Works for me, I suppose. Though we’ve also got to get back home, and that’s a trek in itself. Everybody’s winding down and it’s not even getting dark out, though the sun is starting to set. I figure now’s a good time as any to clear some air. “Hey Applejack, can I chat with you for a bit?”

She quirks an eyebrow. “What for?”

“Nothing big. C’mon. Walk with me, talk with me.” I insist and she agrees, since there isn’t much for her to do at the moment. We get a good distance away from the campsite and have a good view of the wilderness around us from the hill we’re on. I figure this is a good spot, nobody else to listen in. I lean against a tree to show I’m done moving. “You don’t like me.”

Applejack looks out over the view and furrows her brow in a stern manner. “Nope.”

“That confuses me. It really does. Why do you hate me?”

“Well, I ah, I wouldn’t say hate but... I don’t like you. I just don’t.” Applejack replies, and it’s good that we can both talk about this seriously rather than dancing around the issue.

“Everyone else seems to like me, save for a small handful which you’re a part of, and it honestly confuses me.” I say staring out at the landscape, making it clear that at the very least we don’t have to be making eye contact during all this.

She snorts. “That’s a problem? Ah’m jus’ s’posed ta like you fer no reason? I always thought you at least had less of an ego than Rainbow Dash but this is-”

“You’re misunderstanding.” I clarify sternly. “I don’t care that folks don’t like me. My problem is... I don’t know why you particularly don’t like me. I’ve given so many reasons for others to completely despise me, but they don’t. For some reason, and each of them seem to have a different one, they don’t have the urge to take me out to the pasture and ‘fix me up’. You’re different. You don’t take my shit, and I can understand that. My shit isn’t something that needs to be taken. But at the same time... you didn’t really like me at all from the get-go.”

She pauses. “...you could tell, huh?”

“You’re bad at hiding your thoughts. I could see it on your face from day one.” I note.

“Well, I don’t trust ya. That’s the short of it.”

“And you shouldn’t. Again, nobody really should or has much reason to. I’m fucked up. I’m awful. I’m...”

“Yer bad.” Applejack continues. “Maybe not... not that bad, really, but I still don’t like ya.”

I give a small laugh, just a short exhalation really, and stare back out at the landscape growing orange. “Not that bad, she says.” I exhale again. “Not that bad. How do you figure that? Maybe you are the right person to ask this. Why do you think I’m bad, but not all bad?”

“Ah just... I get a bad feelin’ from ya. A lot. Yer a liar, since the day you showed up. Nopony else notices, and ya even admit to lyin’ but ya do it anyways and I just can’t trust someone like that. Someone who’s done bad things, knows it were bad, and still does ‘em. It won’t sit right with me. And then ya got Ponyville fallin’ head over hooves for ya.” She sighs. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m mighty grateful for you helpin’. You’ve done a lot for plenty of us, and even the whole town twice.”

I hang my head. “Of course. Even my greatest detractor thinks highly of that.”

“...Whaddya mean by that?” She looks genuinely confused.

“Everyone hates me for reasons they shouldn’t, and also like me for reasons they shouldn’t.”

“Quit talkin’ in circles, dangit!” AJ replies earnestly.

“I have blood on my hands, Applejack.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “Huh?”

“I’ve killed people. Those monsters... they’re demons. Not regular monsters... but demons from my world. After everything I’ve learned about them... they were people once. My people. Human. Then they turn into those things and go fucking crazy. I haven’t figured out how, I guess I could ask Myrna since she might know, but what she’s told me already... it’s enough. I’ve murdered my own kind.”

“I... I ah..”

“But no, every single pony in town looks at that and they’re like ‘wow, there’s the guy who saved my town, and my sister, and my everything.’ I turned another person into chunks of meat... I punched my way through his skull. The next one, I explode a tree on him or some shit. I killed them. Brutally. Mercilessly. I’m a murderer. No two ways about it. And you...” I laugh fully at the absurdity. “You hate me because I’m a liar. Because something about me kinda irks you.” I look back out at the wide, orange-red expanse ahead of me. “If only that was the main reason to want my head on a spike.”

“Ah don’t want that!” AJ insists quickly. “But Ah... Ah guess you’re right. That is a lot worse.” She hangs her head. “Now I feel all petty for... sorry. I guess I just didn’t think you... saw it that way.”

“Nobody does. Nobody but me. Oh, and let’s not forget queen Chrysalis. Sure, just like the monsters she was a bad egg but come on, she clearly wasn’t some mindless beast either. She was bad, but she was a real living, thinking person anyways. Even if you discount the demons because ‘well, they’re just monsters, who cares’ you can’t say that about her. I stomped her. I got angry enough that I burned her horn off and turned her into paste. But... everybody forgets that. They all hate me because I’m annoying, or impatient or whatever. And the folks that do like me... heck, your little sister and her firends idolize me but even that doesn’t faze your disapproval... but you’re disapproving the wrong fucking things.”

It’s silent for a long time, but Applejack responds. “I guess I... I always assumed you just didn’t think that much about anything ya did. Didn’t know you were carryin’ all that around with you.”

I shrug. “Honestly, you’re not supposed to. Nobody is. That’s the big lie I tell, the one you smell on me, even when you first met me. Don’t let anyone know who I truly am. They’ll hate me. I can’t let anyone know, so I lie. I put on a face and let them see that instead of me. And now... I have to do that more than ever. I never killed anyone before Chrysalis, and it didn’t really faze me at the time. But now that I’m... getting it, I have to try even harder. I’m fucked up, I’m awful, I’m... repugnant. But I can’t let anyone see that. I’m a liar, a cheat, a thief, a total piece of shit... and now a killer. If anyone knew how bad I really was... what the hell would happen? They’d want me gone for sure.”

“Well... I know all of that, at least now I do. But I don’t really want you gone.” Applejack starts.

“Don’t pity me.” I insist harshly. “Don’t ever pity me. I made this bed, I’ll lie in it, it’s my problem. They’re all my problems. Nobody needs to deal with them, or try to help me.”

“Hold on there. I’m not pitying you. I feel a mite bad for you now, but there’s a lot more to making me rethink my feelin’s than a sob story.” Applejack replies, firmly gritting her teeth, but I see her visibly soften. “But... you’re right. I guess I have been angry at ya fer a long time and... yeah, the reasons one might hate ya, iffin they knew, makes me feel kinda petty.”

“You wonder why Apple Bloom, or Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash or anyone else likes me. Well, I wonder about that too, but the truth is that it’s because they don’t know why they should hate me. They don’t realize how much I’m trying to hide. But you do. You always saw it, even if you didn’t know what ‘it’ was. So I figured... huh, why don’t I talk with her? Why don’t I talk to the one who already dislikes me, so I’d have an idea of... how much more they might want me out of the picture.”

“Hey, don’t... don’t beat yourself up like that. Okay, yer not that great a guy. Fine, nopony’s perfect and yeah you rub me the wrong way but... Ah really don’t think everypony would suddenly hate you jus’ cuz they find out you have some scary skeletons in yer closet.” She sighs. “I know for a fact that at least Pinkie Pie would still like you.”

“Pinkie Pie likes everyone.” I remind her.

“Pinkie Pie loves you. That kinda thing don’t just go away. No matter how many times I see you nearly breakin’ her heart. You mess around with her so much. You mess around with all of us. And you want me to be perfectly honest? I do dislike you for that more than whoever ya might have killed. Because the way I see it, it doesn’t matter to me what happens to them monsters or that crazy bug queen. I care about how ya treat my friends. Yeah, right now it does seem small in the big picture... but to me that is the big picture.” She takes a deep breath. “Ah’m sorry that Ah thought ya didn’t care one wit about who ya hurt, that was some bad judgement. But everything else? Shoot, you got a lot to make up fer, and I don’t think you ever will. I appreciate you thinkin’ so highly of me as to trust me with all this, but I don’t know what to do with it. Maybe I have been a bit harsher on ya than was really necessary... but that's not gonna make everything I shouldn’t like you for any better.”

“I don’t need you to like me.” I say simply. “I just... I want you to hate me for the right reasons rather than some made-up scenarios about how I don’t think at all about what I say or do.”

“Ah don’t hate ya.” She repeats. “But if it makes ya feel any better... I respect you for layin’ all this out. You aren’t dishonest for the reason most folks are and I don’t rightly know how to feel about that, and maybe you aren’t really that bad of an influence on mah family as I thought you were. Heck, I’m the only one in my family that don’t like ya.”

“Yeah, Granny made me a sweater for when the cold season starts. I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“That, and ‘Bloom’s always talked about what she’s doin’ with her friends, and now she’s started on talkin’ about you in the same way. You’re comin’ by their clubhouse, you’re going with them on their missions or whatever. You’re helping out at the school. Drove me crazy wonderin’ if maybe I was the only one who didn’t like you. Felt like... like you were turning everypony I knew to your side.”

“I’m not. At least, if I am it’s not intended.” I clarify. “I just... I want people to like me. But... if I want them to like me, I can’t let them know why they shouldn’t. But if I act perfect, that’s too weird. So I’m a jerk, I’m a liar, I’m a wild thing... because if they all think that’s the reason they don’t like me, then they don’t wonder about what’s truly awful about me. From there, if nobody’s looking then nobody will find out.”

Applejack sighs and I notice the sun dipping even lower. “Well... Ah can’t say that Ah think any better of you, because you’re clearly not sorry for the bad ways you act, you just said it was on purpose. Ah can’t let that go... but I guess it’d be bad of me ta not thank ya fer bein’ so honest with me. Yer in a dark place, one Ah don’t have time or mind to think about, so if ya want help you’ll have to look elsewhere.”

“Yeah. Don’t expect me to change. Just... Idunno, I just needed somebody to listen and... understand better.”

“Problem is... I don’t understand. Why make up all this stuff and spin yerself around in circles? You seem smart, Twilight thinks so and if she says yer smart, then by golly ya must be pretty smart. But then ya do stupid things like bunch up all your problems inta this crazy cobweb-thing that you have to hide from all of us because you don’t want nopony’s help with. I just can’t understand it at all.”

“We should head back...” I say. “It’s getting late, they’re probably ready for us to be back by now.”

“Yeah.” She agrees and we walk back in silence.

It... does feel good to finally talk about this, though. I never found anyone I could tell how murderous I felt, even if I didn’t patch anything up, but at least I got it off my chest. That, and Applejack’s a pretty bad liar and will spill beans with only minor prodding. Maybe this is how I can get the word out without standing on a rooftop screaming about my sins. All anyone would have to do now is ask her if they knew what was truly wrong with me and she’ll handle the rest whether she wants to or not.

Ah well... I got to go out and do something, I participated like I was supposed to, and I even got to scare the bejezzums out of everybody, if only for a night. And... even if Applejack still won’t like me any better, at least I got to talk about what scares me so... there’s that.

I’m ready to go back to Ponyville.