//------------------------------// // Chapter 56 // Story: Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel // by the-pieman //------------------------------// I take a sip from my glass, the familiar bitter flavor marking its path down my throat and heating up my belly as it rests, and another soon follows. The place around me is quiet. Nondescript. Simple. It relaxes me. Can’t seem to recall how long I’ve been here, but it doesn’t really matter. I’ll be here for as long as I need to. Though it could have a little bit... more I suppose, but nobody can get everything they want. I sigh and idly rotate the glass with my fingers, gently swirling the remaining liquid around. Nope, nobody gets what they really want. Certainly not me.  There’s some motion in my peripheral, I almost didn’t notice it. Someone approaching my space. I won’t initiate, they may not even be here for me. “Hello.” Voice is feminine. Judging by the tone and the general proximity, she’s talking to me directly. Of course. I knock back the rest of my drink and let the sting and heat fill my body. Should probably address them back. “Yeah? You want som- Woah.” The woman standing beside me is... stunning. She looks like she’d be taller than me by several centimeters if we were both standing. Long hair a dark shade, not gray but fairly dark without being totally black, goes down past her shoulders . Her skin is caucasian, but seems ever-so-slightly tanned. Eyes are... Eyes are a relaxed blue, washed with a hint of gray that is just barely not green. I realize that she’s looking at me back and I break eye contact, going back to my empty glass before resuming. “You want something?” “I just wanted to talk, if you don’t mind.” I can hear a smile in her voice, if a small one. Knockout like her just wants to chat? With me? “Uh, well.. What do you want to talk about?” I ask, a bit suspicious of this, given how unlikely the scenario is. “You, if you’re willing. If not, we can talk about whatever you’d like.” For such a dark-colored appearance, her attitude is rather warm. I shift my gaze and notice her outfit, a long and loose-fitting sunset-violet dress,  which is covering enough to be considered ‘not revealing’, maybe a tad more than that. Sexy, but reserved. She’s also got an odd pendant hanging just above her chest, with a sparkly charm that seems to be made of cut gemstone. Woman like this is talking to me, and wanting to talk about me? This seems fishy, almost premeditated. “Knowing me isn’t easy.” I tell her. She’s really attractive, and that’s dangerous. “I’ve gathered that already. Even so, I think it could do plenty of good.” She lifts a hand up and I shift away before she can get it close enough to touch me. She pauses, but at least she respects the rejection. “So, what would you like to talk about tonight?” “Just find some other guy to tell their sob story, lady.” I answer shortly, turning my head even as she tries to look at me. She seems to recoil slightly, and I see her figure slump in the corner of my vision. “You’ve been rather prickly before, but never so cold, Anthony. Though if you really don’t want me here, then we can try again another night when you’re feeling more open.” Wait a moment. How does- why would she say- I turn to look at her again. “Luna?” She starts, looking a bit surprised and confused but recovers. “Yes... I... did you think I was somepony else?” I blink and do my own double-take. “Wh- why do you look like that!?” Her eyes soften greatly and she looks nervous, clearly having no idea what to do with her hands. “I’m sorry. I was thinking... I know you have reservations against ponies, so I thought if I looked like a human, you’d be more receptive. I’m sorry if I’ve... offended in any way.” I’m really confused, and a bit flustered. Not to mention skeptical. “You wanted to be human and you just... you picked this look?” “I took a bit of inspiration from that female half-breed who took residence in Ponyville, but most of it was my design, yes. I believed that you’d be more comfortable if I accommodated you. I thought I looked fairly accurate without being too different from my regular self. I’m sorry if I confused you at first, I just hoped you’d find me more appealing.” Appealing? If you made yourself a redhead, I’d be tempted to start a-peeling that dress off right now... it takes everything I have to not externalize that thought as well as the subsequent punishing of myself for having that kind of thought. Especially about Luna. “Are you alright? Should I have made any more changes?” Hell yeah, but just one or two. Agh! “No... you... you look fine.” Really fine. Ninhursag’s sakes, shut up, brain! “You look fine, but... it’d be best if you were just yourself. Really, I don’t have any problems with you looking like... you.” “If it makes you more comfortable, I shall oblige.” A shimmer of light washes over her and she’s back to a midnight-blue pony just about eye level with me and with the shimmering starfield in her mane and tail. “After all, I am here to help you if I can.” “Yeah... I don’t get why.” I say, shaking off the last of the errant thoughts and considering my real relationship with Luna which I realize is rather problematic. “I’m grateful for you trying to help, and it’s great to have someone who understands me even if only partially but... why? I figured you’d hate me.” Luna’s lips part in confusion, evidently looking for something to say, and quickly. “Hate you? Why? I don’t understand.” I turn my attention to the moon charm she’s wearing, which at first I mistook as gaudy jewelry. The one I made into diamond for her. “Why do you still wear that? I figured you’d never want it around.” After she realizes what I’m talking about, she holds it up in a hoof. “Because it’s special to me. I’ve gotten treats from children during celebrations of my alter ego, and I’ve been thrown the occasional bout of vocal praise, but this is... nopony had ever given me a gift like this. What makes you think I’d ever do away with it?” “Luna, do you... did you just forget everything that happened between us!?” I yell, not fully intending to raise my voice, but it feels right to do so. “I’m still a bit surprised you don’t want me dead!” She shakes her head. “I don’t understand a word you’re saying. Tell me what you’re meaning, please.” She looks almost sad. “I need to know why somepo- someone who’s been so generous would think I ought to despise them.” “Fine.” I say, sighing along with the word. “Let’s refresh our memories, shall we?” I alter the dreamscape about me, something I’m really good at by now, to take us to Canterlot castle, the room Twilight had taken me to on the day of my arrival. “On the very first day I showed up, I was... unhinged. I was rude and insulting to almost everyone. I acted like a spoilt child doing whatever I wanted, especially if it was at another’s expense. I didn’t even know you, and I just decided I would treat you like garbage. I mocked you, insulted you... even when you were at your wit’s end, I kept trying to push your buttons because I could get away with it. I was terrible for no good reason.” I lead us out of that room and we enter the one we were in when I first displayed some of the extent of my coal manipulation abilities. “Here, I was demonstrating impressive power. Though it was only applicable to a very rudimentary material, I showed control over it to such a fine detail that Twilight had stated how even the most talented of unicorns had never reached such an extent of telekinetic prowess, and the things I could do with it were just short of fantastic. I decided to take the opportunity to make a peace offering of sorts. When I was done with my showboating, I poured an immense amount of my own energy into turning an object from one form of carbon into another, with a significantly different molecular structure. All for the sake of a token of apology.” The room shifts to the hospital room I was in after that. “The strain was so great of not only transmuting molecular structure, but doing so without any warping to its shape, that I was admitted immediately. I left soon after, of course, but while I was there you took the time to come and see me, thanking me for what I’d done specifically for you.” Luna nods, smiling softly and holding a hoof to the charm, pressing it against herself. The scene then changes. “Your bedroom. Where you had summoned me after I’d recovered.” I start getting a bit angry. “Yet again, you thank me and mention how special my creation is... then you turn on me. You say that power like mine is dangerous, that I need to be kept under control. That I should be leashed for it.” Now, I’m fully angry. “You have the gall to praise my work, but condemn my efforts in the same breath. I have a number of very serious triggers, but nobody in Equestria had yet pushed them except you, at that moment. You pushed a button, and you pushed it hard! You wanted me kept in place, you wanted me chained down, literally or figuratively it was the same. I was never going to stand for it. Nobody gets to be in control of myself but me. Nobody gives me orders, and nobody needs to tell me what kind of danger I could pose, as if I’m some rampant child who needs to be tethered to someone who can control me.” The fury grows cold, but stronger yet. “So I retaliate. I get angry. I call you a tyrant and accuse you of doing exactly the same to others. You threatened me, so I slung mud back... and you certainly didn’t like it.” Luna looks apprehensive, and turns her head from me as I continue to recant. “You then give me an order. You act as if your decisions on my actions are more important than my own, and you lay down the final straw as a result. You wear my efforts around your neck like a prize, all whilst telling me that I shouldn’t be allowed to make whatever decisions I want. Nobody has the right to decide my actions... and I make that very clear. I knew there was one thing I could do to hurt you, so I did. I hurt you as badly as I possibly could, and I leave you to tend your wounds in solitude, and let you keep that pendant as a reminder that I have power... and there is not a single person who has the right to decide how I should use it.” The simulation of her bedroom fades to black all around us. “And that... was the last interaction we had until you start showing up in my dreams... wanting to help me. Talk to me. Support me. It doesn’t make sense. If you wanted me in a cage, you could easily do so... but instead you act as though this betrayal, this horrendous disregard for my right to autonomy... didn’t even happen?” My hands are on fire now, much like when I actually attacked her. “ And now... now you try and make me feel better about my lot in life? What’s your deal? Who’s supposed to be the real beneficiary here? Myself... or you, once I’ve been placated into letting my guard down? Why the fuck do you seem to give even a single lick about how I feel, when you certainly had no such interest before? I don’t even know why I opened up to you like I did... I wanted so badly to talk with somebody that I trusted someone who, by all logic, should want my head on the end of a spear. Why did I trust you? Why should you trust me?” “Because I made a mistake and I know not how to rectify it, save by being there to aid you however I can.” she half-whispers, sounding so... fragile. Her voice is like paper-thin glass or ice, barely holding together. The enveloping blackness lightens up a bit, into a misty gray and I share my side of things. “I’m just so used to people thinking  of me a certain way and never changing their minds. If people liked me, they liked me. If they hated me, they hated me. It’s the way it is.” I can’t meet her eyes. “There’s even a number of those who were supposed to help, but only made my life more difficult. Nobody who wasn’t a friend ever apologized or admitted to making a mistake, no matter how much they hurt me.” Silence hangs for a bit, the mist around us almost seeming to thicken a bit. “Then... am I not your friend?” Luna asks. “I... I don’t know. Confidant, sure. Friend? ...” I don’t really know how to continue. “So you’re saying all of that was just... a mistake? An accident? A miscalculation? I mean, if you’re trying to say you weren’t that mad at me, then I certainly couldn’t see that.” “I was angry of course, but my mistake was being as angry as I was.” Luna says, neither of us having an easy time looking at one another. “You are right, I should have been less venomous and used better words. When I said you should be leashed... that was out of line. Nopony- Nobody should be held against their will unless that right is completely forfeited.” “Then what did you mean?” I ask, my tone admittedly sounding rather demanding. “I wanted... I wanted to make sure you were safe to have around my subjects. The undeniable fact of your prowess... while it suffered from such an eccentric requisite material to work with, your demonstration was awesome. I knew my sister would make her approach of the situation slowly as always, but I had no way of knowing how dangerous you might be. I wanted to talk it over with you, but I admit I wasn’t feeling very diplomatic after considering the threat you could pose. In the end... I shouldn’t have been surprised you reacted the way you did.” I hear her sigh deeply beside me. “So as much as you hurt me and threatened my country by releasing Discord... I couldn’t rationalize any sort of retaliation. All through my recovery, my attendees had asked if I wanted to rebuke you for your treachery. I never did, because I felt ashamed any time I wanted to explain myself to them. I couldn’t muster the nerve to say that your assault was as much my fault as yours...” “So...” I turn to her briefly. “Where do you think that leaves our relationship?” “At the time, I felt ashamed and scared. I’d heard reports of your actions since then, and I was worried that perhaps the vindictive, furious path you were on was my fault, for acting too hastily. I was always so fast to make moves whilst my sister took her time with every single problem... I could barely look her in the eye for a week. I never told her why, but that fact gave me a familiar feeling. Yet again, I recalled the cursed madness that had taken me so long ago, and I was so terrified that I might have put you on the same path I was on that lead to... so much pain.” “You thought I was going to become the next Nightmare Moon or something?” I ask, fully turning to her and raising an eyebrow. “I wasn’t sure, but possibly. Not precisely Nightmare Moon of course but... Then I was relieved. I heard you had saved Ponyville from a terrible beast. The ponies you had no reason to care about. You literally risked life and limb to combat a threat that by all accounts was not your duty. You acted heroically, and I realized that your life-endangering efforts for the betterment of others was not only genuine, but you did so for an entire town... and also... just for myself.” She presses the charm against herself yet again. “I decided that I needed to understand you. I needed to talk to you. I thought that the simplest way would be the way I talk to any of my subjects in a private, neutral ground.” “So what? You saw that I did nice things for others and that made me a hero all of a sudden?” I must have sounded pretty annoyed at that idea, because Luna quickly shakes her head. “No. At that point I wasn’t sure what you were, but it made me realize that there was more to understand. You being so alien compared to the subjects my sister and I have governed... I wasn’t sure what to really think, but I knew then that you were not a simple-minded force of destruction.” “You heard of me turning a massive, pony-eating behemoth into a bajillion meaty globs... and decided that meant I wasn’t incredibly dangerous?” I ask, now rather confused. Luna smiles. “See, I had to talk to you. I had to know what you thought of it all, how you viewed your actions. I wanted to know more about you in general. Just as I needed to learn how my land’s society had changed after I had been purged of the Nightmare, I had to learn about my new ponies... and you not being a pony had indeed been a problem for me but I soon realized that it was... almost similar. How could I treat you unequally for being an alien whilst myself still being fairly alien to my advanced domain? Once I realized my hypocrisy... I had to confirm. I had to... know you. From what I understand of you now... My earlier judgement couldn’t have been more wrong. You are rash, but you understand your dangers. As I wrote to you before, that alone is outstanding. But you are so... afflicted with your past. I was afraid to even broach the subject of our altercation. Even if my goal was to apologize and I was forthcoming with that, I worried that simply bringing it up would have... soured your acceptance.” I sigh and hang my head. “Yeah... I’ve got a lot of problems to work out. I get angry enough as it is, reminding me of something I was angry about would just... make me upset all over again.” “You are, as you say, a difficult person.” Luna replies, softly. “But when you do open up... I enjoy it. As much as things have changed since I was very familiar with my land, so many things have stayed the same, so it was difficult to know exactly where I needed to transition myself.” Luna looks to me. “Then there was you. I should never have been so quick to antagonize someone who was already ostracized as I was, even unintentionally.” “You’ve already apologized.” I say. “Has it been enough, though?” Luna asks and I don’t really have a response. “Exactly. It’s hard to know what you are thinking or feeling. As exceptional as my sister and I have become at interpreting our subjects, you’re so different from them, and... it is difficult. I know that Celestia has a regime to uphold, and her admitting that she is having social troubles, even with only a single individual, is not good for her image. If her image falters, then... we are doubted. The easier it is for them to doubt us, the harder it is to convince them that we truly have their best interests in mind. As I do for yourself, Anthony.” I shrug and fold my arms. “I still don’t like her. If she really wanted to make her own amends, she’d be doing what you’re doing right now.” Luna smiles. “Is that another way of you saying you prefer myself over my sister?” I pause and give a half grin. “Well, one of you is bothering to get my side of the story and sift out the bullshit. The other isn’t. Right now, I’d say you’re at the very least a better person than Celestia.” “I may be wrong, but I believe you have little idea how much hearing that means to me.” Luna says and steps up closer to me. “So then is Celly upset that there happens to be one person around who thinks she’s not all that great, and that her little sister is the better princess?” Luna puffs up her cheeks a bit with a smile. “You aren’t the only one, but the number of those who share your sentiments are few. Would you like to hear a small secret?” I nod, and Luna leans her head on my shoulder, fully grinning. “Celestia says she’s glad I’m gaining popularity again after the Nightmare Moon legends smeared my name... but I also think she’s somewhat jealous because she isn’t everypony’s favorite princess as of late.” I laugh. “Okay, okay. Levity is appreciated here, but let’s make sure that all of this is fully handled. I don’t want to possibly need to revisit this again.” “Agreed. First, do you accept my apology?” Well, thinking it over from her perspective.... I suppose it makes sense. She’s admitted she made a big mistake and is actively trying to make amends for it on her own initiative. “Yeah... apology accepted. That said...” “Is there something wrong?” Luna starts to frown, looking a bit worried. “I’m accepting an apology from the person who I physically assaulted.” I point out. “Regardless of who ‘started it’, that seems a bit odd.” “Yes, I suppose.” Luna admits, looking away for a few moments. “Though I’ve already forgiven you for that all the same. At that time, I hadn’t understood anything about you. Even though we’ve only spent so few nights together, you’ve shown your wisdom, your passion, your pain... to assume you were nothing but the precocious and antagonistic terror you first portrayed yourself as... I’d seen just how unfair my assumptions were. Also...” “Also?” I parrot questioningly. “Also, I’d like to know even more about you. I want to help you. You’ve previously implied that you at least partially understand my situation... you’ve been the first to approach the subject of Nightmare Moon with me so blunty. You do not call it a ‘difficult time in my life’ or equate it to anything less than the terrifying experience it was for everypony involved, and you weren’t even there. Without having any presence at the key moments that lead up to then nor the aftermath, you talk of evil. Darkness. Disaster. Nopony else had ever been so brutally accurate and understanding of how dire the situation truly was. Even if they knew that was how I felt, nopony had said it. They’d rather forget it ever happened-” I interrupt her, but continue her thought with my own. “-Than try to help you move on. Rather than talk about the problems... just act as if those things weren’t a problem. Sugarcoat it, wave it off, and move on.” I reflexively clench a fist in anger. “As if it’s really that fucking easy. Of course, it is so easy for them, because to them it’s just the words ‘I felt this’ or ‘I thought that’ and nobody-” I’m suddenly on my back, Luna having leaped onto me, hugging me tightly. Her forelegs wrapped around my waist and moving up to around my shoulders. I see her smile as she begins to cry silently. I decide it’s best for her to just let it out and I pet her in a comforting manner. Her mane is really soft for looking all ethereal. “I meant what I said.” Luna whispers, and I urge her to explain what she was talking about. “When I sent you that scroll. Told you that I thought perhaps you weren’t sent here for your benefit... but for others’.” I’m really not sure what to say to that. “I mean... it’s not like this is proof that this is exactly what was intended. It could just be a coincidence that I turn out to be helpful to others.” “Yes, it very well might be.” Her tears are dried and she’s hugging a little lighter now. “Though I don’t think it matters at all. Even if you were not intending to improve our lives, you have done so regardless.” She lets go and stands herself back up, regaining her usual composure. “Knowing somepony is able to get so close to understanding how my anguish feels is... liberating.” “That’s sympathy.” I reply softly. “A little sympathy can go a long way, but so many people think offering compassion is a good enough substitute.” “I’ll do my best to give the same to you.” Luna replies. “Any of your worries, anxieties or troubles... share them with me. I want to help you.” I eventually smile in response. “So, of all the possible confidants I could have, I get Equestria’s best princess?” She laughs. “If Celestia could hear that, and wasn’t fully able to avoid doing so publicly, I’d imagine she’d be rolling her eyes.” Guess even if you’re several thousand years old and the diarchs of an entire nation, you never fully grow above sibling rivalry. It feels nice to know there’s at least one person in this crazy backwards world who I can trust. Maybe... maybe not the only one, either, I suppose.