Wednesday may have been the worst day of my life.
That it's even up for debate really puts into perspective how many times everything's collapsed on my head. Being Sunset Shimmer just seems to attract catastrophe. I mean, was the worst day the time my teacher and effectively foster mother threw me out for being too ambitious, resulting in me getting trapped in an alternate dimension? Or was it the day that years of planning, building and manipulation was destroyed by my own hubris and a rainbow laser to the face? ...To be fair I would have called that last one good in the long term - if not for Wednesday.
The day the people I thought were my friends betrayed me. Publicly accused me of breaking their trust. Cast me out because they're convinced I'm revealing their secrets on MyStable as Anon-A-Miss.
Which just tops off how my whole life's been a whirlwind lately. I know it sounds whiny, but...
Three months ago I was queen of Canterlot High. In only two days I was turned into a complete outcast; then I was rescued and raised up by those who defeated me; then I was a hero after we beat the Dazzlings. And then I was alone again.
Well.
Not entirely alone. Wednesday night assured me of that much, at least. Princess Twilight hadn't been expecting me to come through the mirror, but I'm not sure I could have asked for better support once I did. A shoulder to cry on and an ear to vent to helped, but the comfort food from home went above and beyond. Hayfries for the first time in years? That made me forget my problems, at least for a little while. And of course, Twilight wanted to help. Maybe I shouldn't have turned down her offer to come back to Canterlot High, but I felt like this was my problem to handle. She's bailed us out twice already and Sunset Shimmer is not a helpless filly in a tower to be rescued.
Still. It was good to have somepony to talk to that didn't hate me and the hugs helped more than I want to admit.
After that, I just had to face the school day - and this Anon-A-Miss thing - on my own two feet. I was strong enough. I was smart enough. I could win back my friends, prove I was no secret-stealer and--
"Yo, Sunset!" Rainbow Dash fell in beside me the moment I entered the building. "'Sup?"
I froze in confusion.
Dash got three steps ahead before she noticed and stopped herself. "Uh. Sunset? Earth to Shimmer?" The corners of her lips twitched as the irony of saying that to the resident alien passed through her mind.
I was, however, preoccupied at that moment. There was a detached part of my mind screaming that I needed to respond. The rest of my mind? Too busy being at war with itself about how.
It took all of ten seconds for Rainbow Dash to decide something was seriously wrong. "You okay?" I managed a very slow nod that obviously didn't satisfy her, and I expect my pole-axed expression didn't help any. So Dash (for once in her life) did the sensible thing and called for backup. "AJ! Over here! Sunset's having some kind of episode or somethin'."
And that's when the farmer entered the scene - looking mildly perplexed but distinctly not furious. "Say what now?" She approached at an amble, unrushed. One eyebrow raised with concern at my mixture of confusion and near-panic. "You alright there, sugarcube?"
I'm not sure why it was. But something in hearing her call me that - it broke a little part of me. I sank down to the tiles of the hallway floor and couldn't hold back the tears.
It took several minutes and the appearance of all five of my friends(?) before I managed to stop crying. I almost did it once along the way, but then Fluttershy hugged me and that started the tears all over again.
We were all late for class by that point, but Vice-Principal Luna had taken one look at the situation, nodded, and let us be. I didn't get the chance yet to thank her for that.
Once I finished snuffling (and giving Fluttershy another hug), I wiped my nose on my sleeve. Rarity reflexively clicked her tongue and held out a delicately embroidered handkerchief - I declined since the damage was already done, but the principle alone made me feel better.
"I'm--I'm sorry, girls. I know I should be stronger than this, but after yesterday..." I trailed off, fighting the urge to re-open the wounds. If they'd forgiven me so easily, why should I drag it out again?
Fate, of course, wasn't going to let me get off that easy.
"Darling, what ever are you referring to?" Rarity was the one who voiced it, but it didn't take more than a glance to see it in all their faces - no anger. Just mild confusion at my words.
If I'd been as smart as I like to claim I am, I'd have dropped it then and there. But I let my mouth keep running anyway. "Yesterday? The-- everything that happened with Anon-A-Miss?"
Nothing. Not a hint of recognition in their eyes. It was a name they'd never heard before.
My heart froze.
They weren't just playing dumb to try and keep the peace or pretending it didn't happen to avoid admitting they'd made a mistake. They legitimately didn't seem to remember.
But I had to be sure. Hopefully, Applejack would forgive me this time. "I guess I'm just worked up about nothing - right, Piggly Wiggly?"
Applejack flinched, eyes immediately darting around to make sure the hall was clear. "Hey now," she hissed. "Don't go spreadin' that around here. Ah can live with you girls knowin' but that ain't something I want the whole world to suss out."
The others nodded in agreement - though Rainbow Dash was obviously trying to hold back laughter at Applejack's expense. But what I didn't see was any of the emotions from the day before. Rarity might have been able to disguise it if I'd brought up her Closet of Shame, but Applejack? She's got a poker face like a yak.
I faked a smile. "Sorry, AJ. My lips are sealed from now on." That seemed to satisfy her - another clear indication that something was wrong. "We better get to class. Sorry for flaking out - I'm not sure what came over me." They didn't really buy it - Pinkie in particular was giving me the eyeball - but it would buy some time. I needed to figure out what was going on because the way our lives go? Whatever was happening was going to get worse before it got better.
By the end of the day, I'd eliminated a few possibilities. I hadn't gone back in time - it was still the day it was supposed to be. And whatever happened only affected Canterlot High - a quick conversation through the journal cleared that up. Princess Twilight remembered what I told her the night before, which also proved I didn't just dream it. And strangely? When I went onto MyStable, I found Anon-A-Miss. The posts revealing Applejack and Rarity's secrets were still up there.
But none of the girls were reacting as if it happened, and nobody else in school was aware either. No one made any comments about the secrets to them, and the handful of people I was able to (I thought) subtly ask had never heard of Anon-A-Miss.
So it happened, I could prove it happened and yet nobody else seemed to have any memory of it happening. I didn't need Princess Twilight's input to tell me that Equestrian Magic was at work here. Of course, that only told me the how - and that I needed to figure out the who a lot faster. If it happened once, it could happen again.
It wasn't any of the girls, I was sure of that much. Not only were they smarter than to mess around with unknown magic, there was no reason for them to do it. In their eyes, I was Anon-A-Miss. Removing their own memories of me doing that? I suppose it was possible it was some sort of misguided attempt to mend our friendships gone wrong, but that would just be setting it up for me to betray them again later. If it was me. Which is wasn't.
None of the other students made sense, either. I could hear Rarity lecturing me that none of them had a motive - why would Micro Chips or Roseluck care about my friendships with the girls?
"Darling, are you certain you're alright?"
Oh. Wait. I could hear Rarity because she was right next to me.
The question snapped me out of my thoughts with the reminder that we were in the practice room. All five of the others were watching me expectantly - and Rainbow Dash gave a little motion with her head towards where my guitar was leaning against the amp.
I reached out - and stopped. I'm not sure why it was the guitar in particular-- actually, no. I know why. Just hanging around with each other was one thing. I could eat lunch with anybody, and I've tutored enough that doing homework together wasn't anything special. It wasn't exclusive. But there's two times where the girls and I feel like... like there's something different.
The sleepovers are one of them. I think it's because when we do that, our guards are down. Sleeping in the same room together feels significant. It's a sign of trust in each other. I guess that's why the secrets Anon-A-Miss leaked hurt them so bad - it was a betrayal of that trust.
Number two is the band, because it isn't Fluttershy and Applejack and Rarity - it's us. We. We're a unit, not individuals (no matter what Rainbow Dash's ego claims). Play as six individuals and it's a mess of sour notes and missed cues. Play as a group and... well. There's enough video up to show how much of a difference it makes.
And it's moreso for me. I committed a lot of sins, and while Princess Twilight said I was forgiven after the Fall Formal? I didn't feel it. Not until that night on the hill. When I stepped up against the Dazzlings and became part of that group, it's... indescribable. Harmony is a real, tangible thing back in Equestria. It's a force of nature, but it's also aware. And when the magic took over and those ears manifested on my head? That was the real signal that I was forgiven. Not by the girls or by Twilight, but by the universe itself. If we hadn't been in the middle of a desperate battle, I think I would have been crying with joy. It was the moment I felt redeemed instead of just being told I was.
So picking up that guitar was meaningful. I would be We. And as much as I wanted that, it felt wrong. Not with Anon-A-Miss and the missing memories hanging over my head. Burying what happened wasn't something I could do so easily.
"Sunset?" Fluttershy's soft voice shoved me out of my own mind again. Introspection had turned into a bad habit.
I'm sure it looked crazy to them - after all, I was standing there frozen, my fingertips not even an inch away from the neck of the guitar. Then I pulled back away. "Sorry, girls. I just... I can't. Not today. Not after yesterday."
Leaving was the only smart thing to do - too bad Applejack beat me to the door. I probably could have gotten past her since she didn't want to actually hurt me... but I didn't want to hurt her, either, so an arm across the doorway was enough to stop my retreat.
"Look. Sunset. Ah know this whole Anne Miss thing's got you rattled or you wouldn't have spent every spare minute today askin' people about it," she said, demonstrating that I wasn't nearly as subtle in my questioning as I thought I had been. "But you gotta believe us. It was just a dream or somethin'. Nothing happened yesterday." She spoke what she thought was the honest truth - it's just too bad I knew she was wrong.
But I couldn't tell them that. Even if they believed me, it would hurt them. Maybe it's selfish of me, but telling Pinkie Pie that she publicly threw me out of her life? I couldn't take what that did to me. Seeing what it would do to her when she wasn't aware of it? I couldn't handle that.
So I shook it off. "I guess." Applejack's questioning eyebrow didn't buy it for a moment, but I didn't let that stop me. "I think I'm just gonna head home. Maybe some rest and bad TV will clear my head. I'll see you girls tomorrow, alright?"
It was reluctant, but they let me go. I could tell Applejack was going to start up a talk after I left and if I wasn't visibly better tomorrow, I'd get the full treatment. Therapy shopping, bunny petting and cheer-up cupcakes. Any other time I'd be pretty okay with it, but not when there's a crisis.
That was something to deal with the next day, though.
I really did need an evening of crappy shows and sleep to recharge my mind. Being on edge and alert for magic catastrophes all day wears on you.