Criminally Stupendous

by dudenotactive


Armed With Wings

"What a poor display!" Ironwood commented.

Dash huffed heavily as she got up from the ground, her body bruised and her soul weakened. She glared at the Legionnaire in front of her, Feather Storm was his name. The guard had been sparring against Dash the whole morning, here in the open field just in front of the headquarters. 

She roared as she charged towards the guard with speed faster than anyone could predict, but Storm just did the impossible and dodged her attack. Then he punished her with an elbow to the back. Dash came crashing down against the dirt, a cloud of dust kicked up as she drove through the grassy field and away from her opponent. 

"Pitiful," Ironwood scoffed. "looks like by the end of the day, you're just a weathermare."

Applejack could only watch as the General himself barked at her friend while a few guards spectated. As much as she disliked it when people insulted her friends, this was just how a stallion like Ironwood showed love, or so what the other Legionnaires said. 

It was only yesterday they had started training, she had come to the headquarters located at the southern side of Ponyville and it was there where she met her friend Rainbow Dash. They were both invited by the General to make use of their strengths, especially Dash's aura. The first day was simply an endurance test, Applejack and Dash were ordered to run a few laps around town and some obstacle course in the training room of the headquarters.

Now both of them are back, and already the General threw Dash into the grinder. Earlier she had to fight three other guards, she won flawless with her aura. But with her fight against Feather Storm, Ironwood had told her not to use her aura. The results were what he had expected, Dash was no match against a guard like Storm. 

As for Applejack, Ironwood has put her on a different training. "Applejack, eyes on the target." She heard Bronze Oak direct her. 

"Sorry." She apologized as she held the crossbow tightly. The weapon was propped up on a table to help her aim. A target stood a few meters down the grassy field.

It wasn't her first choice, though she was strong, the other weapons that the General had showcased were too much for Applejack since she was just a regular farmer. She wasn't like the mares in the regiment, those tough gals who were as strong as a bull. And it made sense that their weapons were big and heavy, they had to fight Grimm very frequently. So she ended up picking a crossbow, made with lightweight materials so she could carry it around. 

This was not what she had expected when she had returned to this place today, of course she had thought that she would get some sword, but everything was too darn heavy. Applejack couldn't even comprehend how strong the guards must have been to be lugging around heavy chunks of metal.

"Miss." Oak called her shot, and it was a disappointment. "Is there something wrong Applejack? You seem out of it."

"Sorry, Ah just got stuff on mah mind, that's all." She said as she reloaded her weapon. 

"I understand, it's not everyday that you would find yourself here." Oak sighed. "You don't join the Iron Legion actually, the Captains and the Generals at Canterlot decide if you got what it takes. If they didn't notice your skills and experience, then consider yourself lucky."

"What'cha sayin'? That I'm here because Ironwood wanted me in the regiment?"

"Yup," He said as another arrow was launched. "he had been trying to get you in for a long time now, especially Twilight Sparkles, but he knows he can't touch her. Hit, adjust for wind, going east." He directed her, the grass changed its stance and pointed towards the east instead. 

"Now why would he want some farmer and a stubborn weathermare?"

Oak smirked. "You're a hero, you and Rainbow Dash are two of the mares that defeated Nightmare Moon and all sorts of monsters. Iron Hoof saw potential in you both, and the rest of your friends as well."

"Fluttershy doesn't like conflict, and Rarity is not one for fightin'." She informed him. "Ah've seen Pinky bury a Grimm alive, but Ah don't think she can do more."

"But the General sees something in all of you- Miss -and the only reason he couldn't really recruit you and your friends was because you mares are just civilians. This doesn't include Twilight though, if she wasn't Celestia's personal student, then he would've thrown her at a scorpion Grimm."

Applejack sent a glare towards him. "Guess Ironwood just thought Roman was enough of a reason to bring me in."

A flash of light caused Applejack to miss her shot, Oak and the trainee snapped towards the sparring area and found a smoldering spot in the grassy field. Storm was just an inch away from it. A few guards murmured amongst themselves. 

"What do you think you're doing!?" Ironwood stomped his way towards the pegasus. 

"Using what I have! Isn't that your motto or something!? 'Anything to help save lives'!?" Dash said as she stood defiantly. 

"I specifically ordered that you don't use your aura!" Ironwood glared. 

"Yeah, but you aren't my boss!"

"So just because I am not your CO. gives you enough reason to nearly fry my Legionnaire!?"

Dash glanced over to Storm who was glaring at her with furrowed brows. "Oh..."

"That would be enough, General!" A voice boomed through the field, all eyes snapped towards the source to find princess Luna herself. With her was the rest of the Elements of Harmony, and two very familiar and almost identical unicorns. There were also a handful of Luna's guards surrounding them, keeping an eye out for trouble and escorting the princess. 

"Flim and Flam?" Applejack muttered confusedly. She couldn't really tell why they were here and why Flim was pulling a small cart with a tarp over it. But she smells trouble, and it was stinking up the place. 

"Your highness." Ironwood quickly bowed, so did the rest of the Iron Legions. 

"Rise, Iron Hoof, we have pressing matters to attend to."

"Of course," He turned towards Bronze Oak. "prepare the meeting room with haste."

"Right away sir!" He saluted before running through the doors of the headquarters.

"Hey guys!" Dash flew over to her friends. 

Twilight gasped at Dash's current state. "Rainbow Dash, what happened!?"

"Dash, do you need help?" Fluttershy spoke with concern. 

"Just when you've recently recovered from your injuries!" Rarity sighed. 

"Pfft! This is nothing! Just got a little rough when I was fighting that Storm guy." Dash reassured them. 

"Ah got a bigger question: what the hay are those two doin' here!?" Applejack questioned as she approached the group with her crossbow on her back. The ponies in question were the two regular stallions among them. 

"Hey there Applejack!" Flam smiled and tipped his hat. "I didn't know you were a guard. Does the farm need money or something?"

"We would be happy to take it off your hooves for awhile until you have stable income!" Flim offered. 

"Keep talkin' stupidly and Ah'll turn ya both into a porcupine." Applejack shook the crossbow to intimidate the twins. 

"Ahem!" Flim cleared his throat nervously. "W-we are merely here for business, nothing else!"

"Business?"

"Yes," Flam supported his brother. "we had started a small company at Manehattan and are here to speak with the General!"

"Is that true General?" Luna faced Ironwood with a single brow raised. "I thought they were just simple salesponies."

"Yes, they've sent me a letter yesterday and are offering me something interesting." Ironwood confirmed their claim. "I'll call for you Candlewick ponies later. Right this way your highness."

"No, our meeting can wait." Luna had decided, she eyed the twins with an unreadable look. "I am curious as to what these two would say."

The twins smiled. "Thank you your highness, we are lucky to be in your presence!" Flim said before pulling the wagon to a better position. 

"Truly, you do care for your people." Flam bowed for her. 

"Very well," Ironwood nodded his head. "please begin your presentation."

The twins started setting a few things up and made sure a few things were ready. Flam had taken a few boxes out of the wagon and placed them on a table that Flim had prepared. 

"So, what's all this?" Dash questioned. 

"Something that will change the war on Grimm." Ironwood said ominously. 

"Okay." Pinky smiled as she bounced on the spot. 

"Ah don't like it already." Applejack scoffed. 

"Applejack dearie, why don't we just give these boys a chance?" Rarity spoke. "I know how they had tried to steal your farm, but let's see what they are planning."

The twins rushed their work to save some time, tables, banners, and even a pie chart. Everything was prepared for their presentation. They both turned towards their audience, none of them had expected to present in front of the princess, they had thought the only ponies that would watch were some war veterans riddled with scars and such. Not Luna and the Elements.

Flim cleared his throat and fixed his bow tie. "Tell me General, what weapon do you use when the Grimm is just too far from the reach of your sword?"

"Cannons, bows, magic?" Flam listed. "Catapults?"

"Well General, my brother and I have come to you with a far better solution!"

Flam opened a very long box and took out a strange weapon. "May I introduce to you the future! Presenting the Atlesian Assault Rifle!" Flam quickly motioned it to Ironwood. 

The General took it into his own hooves and his eyes widened. "Excuse me, but could you hold this in your hooves for a second?" He had asked Twilight.

"Uh, sure..." Twilight reached for it, once the weapon was placed on her hooves, Twilight was shocked to find out how light the weapon was. "It's... not as heavy as I thought!"

"Woah, really!?" Dash tried to take the weapon, but Flam had quickly retrieved it. 

"Hold on there Missy, this isn't a toy!"

"My brother is right, this ma'am, is a weapon that could tear a pony apart with a single pull of a trigger! Made with lightweight materials and easy as well as quick to craft! Thirty rounds of pure Dust bullets, enough to turn an ordinary Grimm into swiss cheese!"

Flam grinned as he showcased the gun in his hooves. "Let me tell you, a crossbow only shoots a single bolt and you're out of ammo already! Well let me tell you something different," He pulled out a small box from the gun. "Like my brother said, thirty rounds of power ready to be chambered! No longer do you need to pull back the string of a crossbow," Flam pushed the magazine back in and pulled on the slide on top of the gun. "just pull, aim, and shoot! It's that simple!"

Luna was silent, as were the rest of the Iron Legion. They watched the unicorns curiously. 

As for Ironwood, he was definitely interested in the weapon. Lightweight, simple design. It was mentioned in the letter that it only took a day to craft a single weapon with six workers. If so, then we can make more in just a week. Enough to equip a small number of guards, maybe more. He thought to himself. 

"Now, would anyone like to try our weapon and show all what the future looked like!?" Flim waited for any guard brave enough, but none had raised their hooves, only two were in the air and they belonged to Pinkie and Dash. 

"Ah'll test your fancy weapon!" Applejack stepped forward, her crossbow was dropped to the side. "This better not be some scam, or else Ah'll bury y'all alive!"

The twins smiled nervously and presented the gun to her. "No scam, just honest business!" Flam assured her. 

"We'll see about that." She scoffed before taking the weapon into her hooves, she was also surprised at how light it was.

Applejack brought the gun over to the table she was using earlier and propped the AR on the surface. She pressed the end of the gun close to her as she eyed the target ahead. She exhaled for a second, then with her hoof, she pulled the trigger. Three thunderous claps had filled the air. Her eyes bulged out of her sockets as the recoil hit her, the power was so strong that it nearly threw her off the table along with the gun.

Her friends gasped as a single round rips a hole at the target in the distance. No... It wasn't just one... Applejack was awed by the small destruction the weapon had made, far more devastating than a crossbow.

Ironwood eyed the target, then he glanced over to the twins. "How is this possible?"

"Well General, it is all thanks to the magic of spring mechanism and gas power!" Flam pulled out a see through gun with its gears, springs, and ammunition revealed to all. "I can explain more later! For now, you can browse our weapons and get a first pick!"

"No need." Ironwood declined the offer. "Applejack, would you like something?"

Applejack was taken aback by his sudden question. "Ah think Ah'm fine with this one, sir." She motioned the gun in her hooves. 

"That's basic infantry type!" Flim scoffed. "For you Applejack, we have more in our inventory, so pick whatever you please while my brother and I speak with the General!"

"Alright then..." She walked over to the table where the rest of the weapons were while the twins started conversing with the General. The rest of her friends had come over to her side to see and sate their curiosity.

"Aw, why can't I get to pick one?" Dash whined. 

"Maybe he's still mad about earlier."

"About what?" Rarity inquired. 

"Dash nearly fried one of Ironwood's guys."

"Rainbow Dash, how could you!?" Rarity scolded her friend. 

"Hey, it was reflex, okay!?"

"I think you need to see someone for those bruises, Dash..." Fluttershy meekly said. 

"This is certainly an interesting design." Twilight spoke as she inspected the weapons before her. 

"This all seemed familiar..." Luna approached the six mares. "Somehow, I feel as if I've already seen these weapons. But from where?"

While Luna tried to recall where she had seen these objects, Applejack was looking at the weapons on the table. There were so many things, swords, spears. and guns. Yet they were not ordinary in any way. Her eyes then landed on an open box, two guns were inside it. 

One was a short over-under styled double barrel shotgun with a pistol grip. She took it into her hooves, instinctively, she pulled it open to see two empty chambers. Not only that, she could see a tiny miniscule gap in both barrels just an inch or so away. There was also a strange wheel on both sides of the top barrel, they were connected to some sort of thin piston that was attached to the grip under both barrels. A railing on top of it, yet it didn't look like you should put something on it. There was something more, the barrels were separated and just at the end, there was a joint that holds both of it together. The handle was strangely loose, the grip under both of the barrels was smooth.

She returned the gun to its place so she could check the next one. 

A lever action rifle with a revolving chamber. Unlike the smaller and similar ones on the table, this gun doesn't take small bullets, the cylinder was just too large. The strangest part about the gun was the barrel, or the lack of it. What's in its place was what other people would call a snub nose. The lever was interesting, with every swing the cylinder turns, it also pushes the hammer back making it ready for the next round. It was odd, but alluring. 

Her eyes landed on two smaller boxes next to the box the gun originated from, they were ammunition for the guns, she could tell it was.

Taking both of the guns and a handful of ammo, she brought it over to the table she worked on earlier. Unconsciously, she flicked the cylinder open and loaded in the bullets that were called 7.62.

Pressing the butt of the "rifle" against her shoulder, she stared down the railing on top of the revolver. A reticle flipped up from the snub nose, Applejack whistled as she looked through the small sight. She placed her hoof just under the barrel, though she shouldn't really, but it was safe enough for her hoof to be there. A second later, she pulled the trigger. Her body shook as the bullet exited the barrel and towards the target, only to hit the dirt instead of the target. 

Applejack furrowed her brows as she loads in another round. The lever made it easy, and the cylinder moved when she pushed the lever forward. Far easier than a crossbow. 

"That's for close range, Applejack." Just before she could even fire another round, Flim had suddenly spoke. "And the shotgun as well."

"Then what's the point? This seems like the kind you use fer the far targets." Applejack pushed the gun towards the unicorn.

Flim grinned as he raised the weapons up into the air. A click was heard, then the shotgun just started shifting. First, its grip sinned into the gun, the two barrels disconnected itself from the weapon and both of them snapped together thanks to the joint. Then it slid over the railings of the shotgun with the grip following as the piston transformed it into its second form. The trigger had also retracted into the gun. Once the handle was far over the gun, the two chambers were exposed. 

The next part was simpler than the shotgun, the muzzle just flipped over and acted as a scope. Finally, Flim connects the two guns together to create a long barreled rifle. Then he handed it to Applejack who was in awe. She brought it around to stare into the barrel, it was narrow unlike before, she noticed that there was a mechanism that pushed the surface together to create a smaller barrel to allow the bullet in the revolver to ride smoothly through. 

"This just seems a little over excessive."

"Applejack, it's not about being over excessive, it's about style! And destruction!" He cleared his throat. "Separated, you have two ways to fight when the enemy is too close. The shotgun for some devastating damage while the 'rifle' is for mid range. Together, then you got yourself a sniper rifle!"

"Ah'll take your word fer it."

"Just press the button on the side of the shotgun, and poof, an extended barrel for your rifle." With that, Flim left to reunite with his brother. 

Applejack stared at the weapon, it was heavier than before, obviously with both weapons together. She peered through the sight, the short barrel serving as a scope for Applejack yet it did not increase her vision. All she could do was trust her instinct with aiming.

She exhaled, her hoof pulled the trigger. Her body was ready for the recoil. But there was no thunder. Applejack was confused, the weapon had only heard a quiet pop from the weapon. "What?" She asked herself. 

"That's right Applejack!" Flam had popped out of nowhere nearly scaring the mare in the process. "The shotgun barrels also serve as a suppressor! Use this rifle and no one would be able to pinpoint your location!"

"So, you think that this gun is it!?" Flim entered the scene.

Applejack stared at them, then at the gun in her hooves. A smirk found itself on her face as she heaved the weapon over her shoulder. "Got a name for the pretty girl?" She had remembered everything Roman had said about naming a weapon, an extension of yourself, and a tool to separate you from the dead.

"No name, it is entirely up to the buyer." Flam grinned. 

AJ pressed a hoof on her chin. She stared off to the space next to her. Then she waved her hoof. "Next time. So, Ah can just have this?"

"Yes indeed!" Flim raised a waiver and a quill right in front of her. "Just sign here, here, and here!" His hoof darted across the paper pointing on the blank spaces. "The Candlewick Corp. is not responsible for any injuries caused by our Dust products or our new manufactured weapons, and we are not liable for weapon malfunction during combat against Grimm. We will provide a pamphlet for proper use of Dust and Dust ammunition, as well as guides on weapon maintenance to keep the weapon of your choice in top condition free of charge. Sign up for our newsletter and we will give away a Dust powered toaster for free!"

"And if you order our brand new Mini Dust Generator right now, you get a 50% discount and free delivery!" Flam added as he showed Applejack a strange looking plastic box the size of an apple with an outlet. 

"Alright..." She took the quill with her teeth and signed the waiver. 

"Perfect!" Flam dropped a box right in front of her. "Here are your first rounds of Dust ammunition, your toaster, Mini Generator, and a complimentary Dust key chain!"

"Here's your bill." Flim slapped the bill on her face. 

She groaned loudly before ripping the piece of paper off her face, she took a good look on it then her face blanched. "W-what!? Ah don't have that kind of money!"

Flam grinned while his brother ran off to speak with the others, a few Legionnaires window shopping their products. "Sorry Applejack, but you've already signed the waiver! Dust is a rare crystal that is hard to find, and the ammunition is high quality! Our motto is 'Quality over quantity'!"

"You good for nothin' swindler!"

"It's alright Applejack!" A voice that demanded respect cuts into the conversation. Ironwood had taken a step next to the unicorn. "We will cover the expenses, just leave it to us. But try not to buy too much in the future."

"Thank heavens." Applejack sighed. 

"And you," Flam flinched as Ironwood's gaze landed on him. "I will not take kindly to your type, the Iron Legion had its fair share of scams. So it would be best if you keep it genuine."

"Y-yes sir General!" Flam scuttled away from the imposing leader of the Iron Legion. 

"Thanks, General Ironwood." Applejack smiled. 

"You may call me Ironwood, you're not affiliated to the regiment, and I need you in top shape Applejack, you'll play a big role in capturing Roman Torchwick." The General started walking off towards princess Luna. "Now, we have other business to attend to. Follow me Applejack."


Roman stared blankly at Trixie, his sombrero sat on his head loosely, the moustache nearly falling off his face. "You have to be joking!"