I’m surprised tourism to the Candy Capital wasn’t more common. It was one of the most cohesive and colorful locations in all of Ooo, and it could have made an immense profit just from advertising a bit in the other nations. Even disregarding the roadblock that was the Everfree Forest, there was the Fire Kingdom to the west. The two were allies at the time. Why not make use of the opportunity to exploit the citizens for cash?
I blame the leaders being concerned with other, less important things. And the candy people being absolute idiots. Show me a candy person and I’ll convince it to throw itself off a cliff because “the sharp rocks at the bottom are actually marshmallows”.
This doesn’t explain why any of the other races occupying the Candy Kingdom don’t attempt to make a quick buck off tourism. Maybe stupidity is contagious.
~~~
The Candy Tavern was constructed from a dark variety of gingerbread and what appeared to be chocolate wood, at least going by smell. The doors and windows were rimmed with peppermint stick designs that filled the air with their festive scent. Unfortunately, the place wasn’t exactly in a good state of repair. There were numerous cracks in the walls, the roof had clear signs of being eaten by birds, and one of the windows was broken.
“Huh,” Marceline said, scratching the back of her head. “Looks like the King’s been letting this place go…”
“Eh, resources have been diverted to other building projects,” one of the banana guards following her and Pinkie offered. “This is just a tavern. Not sure why you want to be here, it’s not exactly a great place.”
Pinkie glanced at Marceline. “How much will they be able to feed me in there?”
“As much as you can pay for!”
“Do they accept Equestrian bits?”
“No, but I have a massive credit line accumulated over centuries. There’s no way you can eat through it.”
“We’ll see!” Pinkie jumped through the doors. Marceline followed her, but the banana guards waited outside.
The interior was dimly lit, but not ominously so. It was an attempt at being homely that was severely diminished by the tavern’s current state. Despite this, it still had a fair number of patrons, including a few berry-people. Most of the patrons had some kind of scarring or tattoo or something else that Pinkie could recognize as an attempt to look intimidating. None of it had any effect on her whatsoever.
Any patrons who may have been of the persuasion to flex on her were immediately dissuaded by the presence of Marceline. Unlike them, she could actually back her intimidation up.
Pinkie bounced up to the bar, landing on one of the swiveling stools like a tornado. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie!” She extended a hoof to the bartender, a grumpy-looking creature that was made out of lumps of lime pudding.
“What’ll it be?” he grunted.
“How about a menu, my fine pea-shaped person?”
“Menu?” The bartender snorted. “What are you, new?”
“Uh, yeah?” Marceline pointed at her. “You don’t see ponies very often, right?”
The bartender shrugged. “Guess not. Don’t really have a menu, anyway. People just order what they want.”
“Get her a cherry cream soda,” a candy man made out of a jar of dirt said, sliding up to the bar. “Always a classic!”
“Eh… whatever you say, Dirt Beer Guy.”
Pinkie grinned and extended a hoof to Dirt Beer Guy. “Thanks, Dirt Beer Guy! I don’t know what I would have done without that suggestion!”
Marceline raised an eyebrow. “I would have ordered you the sugar supreme, you would have been fine.”
Dirt Beer Guy shrugged. “Just saw somebody in need.”
Pinkie let out a small gasp. “D’aww, I’ve known you five seconds and I already know you’re the best!”
The bartender returned, slamming the cherry cream soda on the counter. Marceline gave him a dismissive hand gesture and he made no comment about payment. At an empty seat, he set down a glass taller than Pinkie’s head filled with a rainbow of colorful fluids.
“Whoa… what’s that and who drinks that?” Pinkie asked.
“That’s a rainbow deluxe tower,” Dirt Beer Guy explained. “Usually for Rainicorns. Lady probably ordered ahead.”
“Rainicorn?” Pinkie gasped. “We have some of those in Equestria! They live around Rainbow Falls and create some of the most beautiful art I’ve ever seen!” She turned to the bartender. “Get me one of those, please?”
As the bartender filled another massive glass, the doors to the bar slid open, revealing one Lady Rainicorn. She was a long quadruped with a horn on her head and every color of the rainbow plastered on her pelt. She wore a tired expression as she slid up to the bar, dropped some cash on the counter, and downed the entire drink.
“You look like you’ve just had a day,” Pinkie said, frowning.
“Geu meongcheonghan wang-i sigol-eul pagoehago issseubnida!” Lady huffed, laying her elongated body over the counter like a discarded sock.
“Aww, I’m sure he can’t be that bad!”
“Dongmuldeul-eun chugjeleul beol-igo iss-eumyeo yeogie modeun geos-eul bogwanhabnida. Igijeog-in jag-eun…”
“Oh…” Pinkie leaned forward, chin resting on one of her hooves. “Tell me more.”
“What are they talking about?” Marceline whispered to Dirt Beer Guy as Lady kept going on in the unusual language of the Rainicorns.
“Lady’s been having trouble with the local animals,” Dirt Beer Guy explained. “They’ve started moving in to eat houses ever since the King of Ooo ordered resources recalled to the capital. Even though Lady doesn’t live in a candy house, everything else is being overrun. Her kid, T.V., still lives at home and she worries it might not be safe anymore.”
“Geez, the King’s really messing it up, huh?”
“Yep. Even though he’s moving all the resources around, the buildings in the capital are still falling apart. He’s making a lot of new buildings, though, but they’re either 'public works', restaurants, or those weird pyramid things he’s gotten obsessed with.”
Pinkie’s ears perked up. “Pyramid things?” she asked, turning away from Lady for a moment.
“Yeah, he’s been surrounding the palace in gold metal pyramids. It’s not even made out of candy! Isn’t that weird?”
“Do they have his face on them or something?” Marceline asked.
“Nope, they’re just… there.”
“...Odd.”
Pinkie downed the entire rainbow deluxe tower. “That sounds like something we should check out!”
“Geuui heoyeong-eul janglyeohaji masibsio,” Lady commented.
“I won’t, I won’t! But I’m an Ambassador so I should get educated on what he’s been doing around here. But first…” She turned to the bartender. “Got anything cotton candy flavored?”
The bartender dropped four glasses, all filled with different blends of cotton candy submerged in fruit juices.
Pinkie’s jaw hung open. “...You know what, just get me one of everything you serve. It’ll all be sugary and delicious!”
“Except the water,” Marceline pointed out.
“Water is delicious!” Pinkie cheered.
“Dangsin-eun daesa-ege ohilyeo baboibnida,” Lady observed.
“Yes. Yes I am.” She downed a frothing soda, getting bubbles on her muzzle like a beard. “The proof is in the pudding.”
~~~
After Pinkie made it about halfway through the candy tavern’s variety of dishes, the bartender was relieved of the pony with the endless stomach’s curse by a banana guard. The Princess King of Ooo’s court time was almost upon them, so they needed to prepare. Pinkie wiped all the sugary stains off her face in an instant and bounced out of the candy tavern. It took Marceline significantly longer to clean herself up, but they were still on schedule when they left.
The candy castle was a tremendous white cake that towered far above the heights of any other building in the entire Candy Capital. The candy syrup flowed from the massive tree growing through its center, passing through water wheels and numerous other sections to power the entire city. Pinkie decided it was beautiful.
The jarring yellow spikes surrounding it ruined the view. They were three-sided pyramids of gold-brushed metal that rose into the sky like teeth. Ten of them circled the palace at equidistant angles, reflecting the blinding sun into the faces of people who passed too close.
Pinkie had to shield her eyes as she walked past the one right in front of the castle’s main entrance. “That’s a bit of an eyesore…”
“How did he build them so fast…?” Marceline wondered, floating up to the base of one. “He’s an incompetent fool, how did he organize this?”
The banana guard shrugged. “Maybe he’s better than you think he is.”
“The city is falling apart, peel-brain.”
The banana guard sagged, but said nothing.
They were led through the main doors into the bright, colorful throne room. Here, there were no signs of things falling apart or being neglected. The floors were perfectly dusted, the carpets were clean, and the banners hanging along the walls burst with brilliant color. At the back sat an impressive throne of gold cushioned with a pink seat and backing. It was an impressive throne, to be sure.
However, nobody was sitting in it.
“Oh no oh no…” the banana guard groaned. “He’s supposed to be here…”
“Honestly, I’m not surprised,” Marceline said.
“Hmm, a missing Princess-King…” Pinkie pulled a deerstalker cap and a pipe out of her mane and put them on, furrowing her brow. “This looks like a job for Detective Pinkie Pie! The case of the missing royalty!” Pinkie adjusted her hat in an attempt to look thoughtful. She pounced up to the throne and examined it with a magnifying glass. “Hmmm…” She traced her hoof along the cushion and licked it. “Waxy.”
“Waxy…?” One of the observing banana guards scratched the back of his head. “Weird…”
“He’s literally made of wax,” Marceline groaned. “How can you not know something that basic?”
“Oh.” The banana guard shuffled his feet nervously. “...So… what should we do?”
Marceline shrugged. “Let her investigate. She can’t make things any worse. Probably.”
This did little to ease the banana guard’s nerves.