"Wait, what?"
"You heard me, Dashie! If you ever want to get hitched, you're gonna have to prove to me that you can eat pie."
"You want me to eat pie before I ask you to marry me."
"Yep."
"..."
"What?"
"Pinkie Pie, you are so random. Which is why I love you. Okay, consider this a Pinkie Promise: if ever I decide I'm ready to tie the knot, I will eat a pie first."
Was this a mistake? A small but very vocal part of Rainbow insisted that it was. The rest of her knew that that small part was the minority and could go jump off a bridge with its wings tied. This was for Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow would do anything for Pinkie Pie. Besides, she Pinkie Promised to do this three months ago. The idea of breaking a Pinkie Promise was far more absurd than the sin she was about to commit.
Fluttershy and Rarity were at her sides. The former set a hoof to her shoulder. "It's okay, Rainbow. You can do this."
"Of course I c-can," Rainbow declared with all the bravado she could muster. Did her voice crack? No, no it didn't. Her voice didn't crack because she was totally in control. "I'm perfectly fine."
"Darling?" Rarity patiently warned, "you're hyperventilating."
Yes, she was. Rainbow totally knew that without being told. With some effort, she sucked in a single long breath, held it for a few seconds while Fluttershy patted her back, then let it all out in one slow exhale. "I can do this."
"I sincerely hope so." Rarity's practiced eye combed over Rainbow's every feature. Every now and then she'd levitate a brush over to tame some unkempt bit of Rainbow's coat or tail. Not the mane; they'd agreed after much debating that Pinkie preferred it messy. For Rarity, that agreement had come with great reluctance and only the firm backing of Fluttershy. "You've been mentally preparing for two weeks. You won't crack under the pressure. Rainbow Danger Responsibility Dash is too good for that, hmm?"
Easy for her to say! Rainbow sucked in a few more slow breaths, fighting to keep her wings from fidgeting. Her stomach felt hollow. She'd gone without eating since yesterday morning. Ears perking to the sound of the door opening, she turned her head as the powerful scent of baked apples filled the room. With a hint of cider. Applejack appeared at the table, solemnly placing a whole pie before the pegasus. "There you go, Rainbow Dash. One Apple Family secret recipe Apple Cider Special, on the house." The pie chosen was the one they thought Rainbow would hate the least. They were probably right. After all, it had cider in it.
Applejack met Rainbow's gaze, firm and unyielding. "Now remember, you ain't gotta eat the whole thing. Just one slice will do. Think you can muscle your way through that?"
Rainbow glared at the offensive culinary item, gritting her teeth as she faced her eternal enemy. She wasn't feeling very hungry anymore. "For Pinkie, I can do anything." That came out far better than she'd feared. There was hope.
"Good to know, 'cause I just saw Twilight as I was bringin' this over. They should be inside ri~ight about... now."
The sound of the front door to the Apple Family household shot Rainbow full of shivers. Pinkie was here. Already! She wasn't ready, she couldn't do this! It wasn't just the pie, it was the Pie, no that wasn't right, it was the pie promised to the Pie, and the Pie was going to have to answer and what if she said—
Two white hooves pushed her down by the shoulders while two yellow hooves gently encouraged her wings back against her sides. "Rainbow Dash," Rarity hissed, "Buck up and get your act together!"
"Remember," Fluttershy whispered, far less forcefully, "this is for Pinkie."
Applejack, not one for finicky second guessing, turned for the door and offered no mercy. "We're in here, y'all!"
Rainbow spent the next three seconds thinking a year of thoughts, most reminding her that this was an idea as brilliant as it was stupid. Then Pinkie hopped into the room, Twilight in her wake, and time went still. She was here. Too late to turn back. All or nothing. Rainbow tried her best to ignore the hollow feeling in her gut, not sure if it was due to hunger or panic.
"Hey, girls! Twilight didn't say you'd all be here, too. What's all the... hubub... about?" Pinkie landed at the opposite side of the table, at last getting a good look at Rainbow Dash. And the pie. Her eyes went wide. "Dashie?"
Fluttershy and Rarity stepped away far too soon, and no amount of silent pleading could bring them back. Applejack stuck around only long enough to set a plate, a fork, and a pie server before she, too, abandoned Rainbow to her fate. The three of them joined Twilight against the wall to watch the proceedings with expressions ranging from solemnity to giddy excitement.
Alone, Rainbow met Pinkie's beautiful blue gaze. As soon as she did, the entire world calmed. Suddenly, none of this seemed so risky. She grinned at her marefriend of nearly a year and grabbed the pie server. "You remember my promise, right, Pinks?" She began cutting a slice. A good-sized one, at that; she wasn't about to shirk on something this important, no matter how much her heart hammered.
Pinkie only nodded, her eyes still like saucers. The corners of her trembling lips ticked upwards into a smile not half as big as she was able to achieve. Its warmth and sincerity made it shine brighter than a million of her normal smiles.
The slice was on Rainbow's plate. It oozed golden filling across the ceramic. Carefully, Rainbow used her fork to carve out a small piece. The sight of the gooey insides made her stomach churn, but she held strong and raised it to her lips. It might have been the most disgusting thing Rainbow had ever seen, short of her not-pie she nearly ate for Pinkie as an apology. Not taking her gaze off her marefriend, she said, "This is for us."
Then it was in her mouth, in all its hideous non-glory. The taste was... not as bad as most pies. She could definitely get a hint of cider, and that alone made it almost tolerable. But oh, Celestia, the texture was enough to almost make her gag! The mushy insides, like devouring the Schmooze. The crisp outside, a cage to keep the Schmooze contained. The way it stuck to the insides of her teeth, clingy and crude and squishy. Fighting down a whimper and the urge to spit the foul stuff out, Rainbow swallowed as quickly as possible. It was still on her tongue. She made no move to remedy the problem. It would be pointless. Instead, she lifted the next piece on her fork. Soon, the torture resumed.
Nopony said a word. Not their friends, who watched the proceeding with the solemnity of jurors in a courthouse. Not Rainbow, who just wanted it to be over so she could get the foulness away from her poor tongue and teeth. Not Pinkie, who's eyes watered but never quite managed to burst at the site of her marefriend inflicting herself with this torment. Rainbow didn't mind the silence. It felt sacred, as if disturbing it would ruin the entire purpose of the moment. This in mind, she strove to not make a sound, not a moan of agony or a grunt of discomfort. She was glad Pinkie was so quiet. It meant she understood how important this was for her to do it right. She held eye contact with the mare as much as possible, those gorgeous blues her constant reminder of why this had to be done.
The clock on the wall had to be lying when it suggested only fifteen minutes had passed. Rainbow knew it had been years. Checking the window out the corner of her eye, she wondered if Princess Celestia had decided to exile her sister again and do away with nights entirely, considering the sun never went down that entire time. At last, hoof trembling, she got the last bite of the pie slice in her mouth. She chewed and chewed, clenching her eyes tight, before finally mustering the will to suck the nasty goo down her throat. She raised her hoof to forestall any comment, letting her marefriend know the terrible ordeal wasn't over yet, then picked up the plate and licked it clean. The malicious ooze squished against her tongue, making her shudder.
The plate landed with a clatter. Rainbow heaved a long, slow breath as the last of the messy mush left her mouth for her insides. Opening her eyes, she looked down at her empty plate and knew the blessed relief of victory. The rest of the pie remained, its mortal wound open for all to witness. Yet there was no time to relax. Rainbow still had one thing left to do. She met Pinkie Pie's gaze and saw in it the amazing passion that had first made her weak at the knees and tingly in the pinions. Eyes that were appreciative. Understanding. Aware.
By the sun, Rainbow loved those eyes.
"Pinkamena Diane Pie? Will you marry me?"
The dive, impossible for any normal mare, took Pinkie clear across the table and into Rainbow's arms, knocking her onto her back in a bone-creaking hug. Amidst the frantic nuzzles and kisses, their friends cheered.
The freshly engaged pair of ponies walked slowly through the streets of Ponyville. The sky was ablaze as the sun began making way for the coming moon, the trees aglow with reds and oranges in preparation for the Running of the Leaves. Rainbow kept a wing wrapped tightly around her fiancé, who in turn had her muzzle tucked beneath the pegasus's chin. It had been a good day, one filled with congratulations and well wishes and more than a few playful kisses. The best kind of kisses. The torture was over, and Rainbow reaped the rewards. It had all been worth it.
Now they were approaching Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow lamented the fact that she might have to be separated from the mare she loved so much. But then she remembered that in just a few short months that same mare would be hers forever, and suddenly the separation didn't seem so bad.
As they reached the steps to the bakery, Pinkie Pie pulled away, leaving the now-vacated side uncomfortably cold. "Rainbow?"
Resisting the temptation to sidle back over to the earth pony, Rainbow turned to face her with a smile. "Yeah?"
Pinkie stared at her with heavy-lidded eyes, her smile coy. "You know I love you, right?"
Rainbow blinked, her elation quieting a touch with her confusion. Where was this coming from? "Sure I do, Pinks."
"Good. In that case, there's something I need you to do." She stepped closer and bumped snouts with Rainbow. With slow, sensuous motions, she pushed her face forward until their cheeks were brushing softly against one another. Rainbow bit her lip at the affectionate contact, something she and Pinkie had only shared in private before. "You know what that is?"
Swallowing, Rainbow muttered a quiet, "No?"
Pinkie's lips reached her ear, her warm breaths tickling the hairs and making it flick. Rainbow sucked in a breath and held it, the better to hear Pinkie's request.
"Get a dictionary," Pinkie ordered, "then look up the word 'euphemism'."
And Pinkie was gone, her poofy tail swinging as she sashayed her hips with a surprising amount of skill. She cast one last wink and blew a kiss back at Rainbow before the door closed behind her.
Rainbow stared at that door for an untold time, eyes wide and jaw open.
...
"Oh. My. Gosh. I am such an idiot."
Then her wings jerked open with a poomf.