You were feeling increasingly like you were being pranked. Rarity looked around at your laboratory. The gallons of blood lined up in bottles along your walls weren't lending a good impression.
"Twilight, are you... alright?"
"I'm fine, Rarity. What's going on? You sound concerned,."
"It's just that you've been withdrawn lately and I've been hearing rumors of, ahem, peculiar interests."
"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." You said with a deadpan expression. One of the bottles behind you fell over with a sloshing clang.
"I spoke to Lyra. We're all so worried about you, Twily."
"That little... ugh!"
You consider explaining to her exactly what has happened, but you doubt she'd believe you any more than Lyra. Only instead of thinking you were lying, Rarity would think that you've gone insane. You didn't want to do this, but now you were going to have to. A special spell that you had (almost) completed, designed to give an avatar to Mike and prove once and for all that he was real.
"Sorry, Mr. Hawk. I know it's not completely checked for safety, but we HAVE to do it it now."
"Whuh?" He sounded like he just woke up. "Twilight, what's going on? Wait, no, is it even done yet? Fuck! I swear to Jesus Fucking Christ, if you fuck me on this, I'm going to make your life a living h-"
There was a bright flash, and then silence.
A glowing orb appeared in front of you. Celestia be praised! The spell worked! You only double-checked the calculations once last night before you went to bed, but it's going to turn out just fine!
"Mike, say hi to Rarity!"
The orb just stood there.
"Mike, I know you're messing with me."
Rarity started to look at you funny.
"Twilight, that's a really pretty spectral projection."
"No, you don't understand! It's not just a projection, it's an avatar for my familiar!"
"The same familiar with those... interests?"
You frowned. "Rarity, he's just messing with you to get back at me."
She was already backing out of your living room slowly.
"I, uh, have some records to return."
"Rarity, please believe me."
And then she was gone.
"What did I just fucking say, Twilight?" Mike exclaimed, as soon as she left.
"That wasn't cool, Mike." You laid down on your cold hardwood floor. "That wasn't cool at all."
"You know what else wasn't cool? Lying to me about your kidnapping attempt."
"Using an untested spell which could have killed me, just so your friends can like you more."
"I'm sorry." You said, defeated.
"I can see why guys don't ask you out. They can probably tell that you're bad news."
And then the orb blinked out of existance. You sighed. It's been a bad day.
=================================================================================
The butterfly landed on your nose. You had to cross your eyes to get a good look. You haven't felt this joyful since you were a filly. You were just laughing in a field, free, with some old childhood friends.
"Twilight?" One of them asked.
What was her name again? It's been so long. You felt bad that you couldn't remember.
"Twilight!"
You were in the office again. Mike and Luna were looking at you.
"Are you alright, little one?", Luna said with a faint smile.
You hurried to make yourself presentable, dusting off your coat with your magic. "Princess, I didn't know that you knew about this."
She gave a knowing smile. "I've known since the first night. What kind of guardian would I be if I did not sense otherworldly intrusions?"
Mike grinned. You noticed multiple empty bottles in between the two. "Oh, so I'm an intruder now, am I? You didn't seem to think that way last-"
Luna cleared her throat, seemingly a little embarrassed. "What we're trying to say is that we have made an... agreement to further the futures of our peoples. And we wanted you to witness it."
You looked at the contract in front of you. There were multiple pages, and it was in small print.
"Mike, are we, uh..."
He took a sip from a brown bottle. "We're cool. As long as you promise to think before you act."
He still looked upset. Part of you wondered how much of this you would remember in the morning. You started to read.
======================================================================
You were on the sofa in your living room. It was familiar, but what you felt wasn't. You could feel the warmth of someone else against you.
It was Mike, probably. You were dreaming again. You snuggled yourself against him. You could feel his individual fingers as they stroked your side. It's been a long time since you've been touched like this.
"I don't deserve this."
The stroking stopped.
"What?"
"I said, I don't deserve this. I've treated you like crap since I summoned you, I've lied to you, endangered you, and for what?"
"You don't get touched a lot, I assume?"
You looked up at him. His eyes were filled not with pity, but understanding. You felt like you could tell him anything without being judged.
"I remember when I had sex for the first time."
He raised an eyebrow. "Really? I would have taken you for a virgin."
"Well, he did too. Night Fall, he was called. He made me think that he liked me - liked me a lot. So we went on a date or two, and I loved the way he couldn't keep his hooves off of me. It was so nice to be touched by him. The way we cuddled afterwards was just heavenly. And then, when I woke up, he was gone. I was just another conquest. The saddest part to all that? I still miss him. Because nopony since has made me feel that way."
You squeezed your eyes tight. You didn't want Mike to see you cry. He scratched you behind your ears and gave you a kiss on your horn. "You're like a little sister to me, you know that?"
Oof.
"I don't mind us doing this. But Jesus, yeah, you need to go on a date. I actually spoke to Luna earlier about that, and there's more than a few interested."
You felt an ear swivel towards him. "You promised me that you wouldn't get involved in my personal life."
"Well, this is starting to affect our working relationship."
You sighed and rubbed your face against his shirt as he held you tight. You really hoped he couldn't feel your tears through that.
==========================================================================
"So, Twilight, how exactly are they explaining all this new knowledge in your world? I reckon they're not just coming out and saying that your familiar is feeding it to you, right?"
You shook your head. "Well, officially, it's suppose to be extradimensional beings who only communicate with the Diarchs. Unofficially, I've also happened to make a few breakthroughs in my own time."
"Hun." He scratched his chin in thought. "And how are you handling the situation with your friends?"
"Well, they're taking the whole familiar thing a lot more seriously now. Although to be honest, most of them don't know what to think. I've been behaving pretty strangely over the past month."
"Well, let's put their minds to rest, and finally work on that project I recommended, shall we?"
Mike's been bothering you about a magical computing machine ever since he appeared in your head.
It would at least give you an excuse to your friends for why you've been acting so weird. Magic exhaustion, theorycrafting, and all that.
"And why exactly should that take priority over potentially life-saving projects? Your people hardly have a lack of computers."
"Well, firstly, equal exchange."
You frowned. Both of you know that Equestria has been getting the better end of the bargin for a while now - the one field where your people were ahead in, magic, was literally useless on Earth.
"And secondly, if magic has a faster speed than light, we can built far faster computers even with a lower level of technology."
You groaned. You've been putting that off too. Just planning an experiment to calculate the speed of magic gives you headaches.
"I don't know why, but you're about to give me a lecture on how that'll be the most useful thing ever, aren't you?"
"Nope. I'm going to give you a lecture on how logic gates can be used to make an adder, a basic unit of computing."
Your ears perked up. That actually sounded pretty interesting
==========================================================================
Luna always tried to pry the secrets of Earth weapons technology from you, and you always managed to turn it into a history lesson instead. At some point she was going to get pissed and rip them from your mind, but thus far, she was captivated by your stories.
"You know, one of the fundemental rules of economics is that money doesn't stay on the ground for long. That's perhaps why the invention of the Minnie Ball was so surprising."
Luna looked slightly confused. "But didn't you just say it's intuitive in hindsight? And so simple, too." You nodded.
"I meant it was surprising that it wasn't invented earlier. Rifling had existed for centuries prior, and the biggest problem with them is the long reload times due to the tight fit needed between bullet and barrel."
"And the Minnie Ball was an intuitive solution that vastly increased the effectiveness of the weapon. I think I'm starting to understand now."
"We honestly invented them around the same time as railroads. So in a way, they wouldn't be out of place in Equestria"
Luna thought for a moment. "Why is it that you are so reluctant to share weapons with us, Mike? We can't harm your world, after all, and our good will can only benefit you and your people."
You were honestly hoping to avoid this particular talk.
"Well, it has to do with stability and creative destruction. Technology doesn't just make obsolete older technology, but also older societies. Either through evolution or revolution, much of what you hold sacred will be destroyed."
She gave you a look of worry as you continued.
==============================================================================
"You know they're going to figure it out eventually, right?"
The two of you were in some blue pony's mind as she dream about a beach date with her beloved. It reminded you of better, less pandemic times. Luna turned to you with her poker face. You stared her in the eyes.
"I asked Twilight to memorize some Equestrian census data. It goes back a hundred years."
You pulled a yellow folder from your suit pocket and flipped through the sheets.
"A hundred years. Stable demographics, no major wars or famine, only a few epidemics, of which a single one had a fatality rate above 5%."
She gave a soft smile. "We do our best. Although to be fair, it was almost entirely Celestia's doing. I was... occupied with other affairs."
"A lie of ommision is still a lie, you know."
A flash of annoyance came across her face. "We both know about the Nightmare Moon affair. We both know that you know. Can we please-"
"I was actually talking about the miscarriages."
Her eyes opened in shock. Gotcha.
"Yeah, sorry, the demographics don't make a lick of sense. Almost exactly replacement level reproduction over the course of millenia? That shit might fly where you're from, but I went to college for data analysis. Mathematically, that's impossible. Impossible unless something was killing of scores of ponies before they were born."
"W-well, perhaps ponies are just more responsible at reproduction."
She looked like she just got caught in a bear trap. Her fibbing was honestly a little sad.
"And in that case, subgroups within Equestria that DO have more children will eventually make up the majority, and we're stuck with the same problem."
"If that's so true, then how are humans able to avoid such overpopulation? You've also had centuries of prosperity and peace, have you not?"
You smiled. "A century and a half for Europe. And that's still far less than a millenia. Beside, we have the birth control pill, and you don't."
Her brow furrowed in confusion. "Wait, you said you only had a century of our-"
"I had a hunch, and I bluffed. Turns out I was right."
She looked at you for what seemed like minutes. A beach ball came flying towards the two of you, rolling to a stop not far from your feet. The couple waved at you, and you kicked it back with a smile.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone."
Luna laid down in the sand and gave a deep sigh. A cloud of sand flew away from her snout.
"It's our greatest sin, our darkest sacrifice, and perhaps our deepest regret."
You shrugged and ran your hand through her mane. "Honestly, it was probably the least bad choice. The others-"
That turned her angry in an instant. "How could you even say that! You're not the one who had to pay the price!"
You looked away for a moment. "My sister had a lot of miscarriages over the past few years. I've heard that she's stopped trying."
You saw the stalion running after the beach ball, which was now drifting deeper and deeper into the ocean.
"I'm only bringing this up because your people are going to have to make a lot of these hard choices in the future, as will mine."
She looked at you with concern. "What are you implying, Mike?"
"They're going to figure it out, and probably soon, with all this new math flying around. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Twilight manages to do it first."
"Oh."
"What are you going to say?"
She closed her eyes. They were starting to get damp. "I don't know."
"Since we're already here, can you tell me what criteria you used to induce the miscarriages, or were they entirely random? And why miscarriages, why not just use magic to decrease ovulation or something?"
She looked towards the couple on the beach, who had taken to cuddling in the warm sun, their beachball forgotten and drifting deeper into the sea.
"We can sense the magical essence of foals not long after conception. We can't know for sure, but we can guess at their personality traits when grow, maybe even what cutie marks they might have. We started with the type likely to be violent criminals. Then those likely to be political radicals. Two hundred years ago, we started to bias our selections to promote those mostly able to cooperate and live in harmony."
Two hundred years? Wait...
"That was when the physical characteristics of ponies began to change, wasn't it?"
She nodded. "Their foalish traits began to presist into adulthood. Bigger eyes, shorter limbs, they became more calm and less angry-"
You felt your hairs stand on end. Those traits sounded startlingly familiar. It was the same changes that happened when dogs became wolves.
"You domesticated a sapient population."
Holy shit.
"And when they noticed, you just told them it was due to some magical mystery beyond their understanding."
She looked away shamefully. "By that point, ponies asked less questions and trusted us more. It wasn't difficult."
"Tell me more."
=====================================================================
It probably didn't feel too good to have your biggest piece of dirty laundry discovered and taken apart by an alien scientist. Luna honestly looked like shit. Tears streaming down her face, as she confessed to you her sins. A part of you liked her. The other part is genuinely concerned she might try to lobotomize you to keep her secret.
"Your people are close, you know, to genetic theory. I think a griffon scientist published a treatise on the subject a few years ago, although it was mostly ignored. The truth is going to come out sooner or later. Probably sooner. I think you should come out ahead of the vultures. That would give you a head start on the narrative."
Her eyes turned towards you while her head remained still. Both of you can feel the telling signs of a dream ending. The stallion was still ignoring the two of you while the mare was stairing, curious to the intruders in her dream. You didn't know how far Luna would go to keep her secrets, so you needed to remember this one. She would probably be able to bullshit you next time if she had time to prepare. You took a kitchen knife out of your pant pocket.
Luna's eyes lit up in surprise as you stabbed it into your thigh. The pain felt impossibly real, but you didn't feel the normal physical effects of massive pain. Your heart wasn't pumping, your limbs weren't shaking, and you can still think clearly.
"Until next time, Princess Luna."
And then, you opened your eyes in bed. You could hear Twilight's cheerful voice in your head.
"So, how did the meeting with Princess Luna go?"
You closed off your mental connection with her and walked to your kitchen. You needed to report in Zoom for your job in two hours, and you didn't feel like sleeping any more. You still didn't know what, if anything, you were going to tell Twilight.