It was a cool and quiet summer afternoon at the sirens’ current home. The sirens were taking a break from preforming concerts with their tour van. They had recently purchased a moderate two story house. Aria and Sonata were out shopping for groceries and other supplies. They wouldn’t be back for a couple hours.
If Adagio wasn’t sick with a cold, she would have accompanied her sisters. She had just started to watch a special two hour documentary on music. The siren leader was enjoying the day so far. For once she would have some time to herself without dealing with her annoying sisters. Suddenly the phone started ringing.
“Aria, pick that u-” she stopped, remembering that Aria was out shopping with Sonata.
Begrudgingly, Adagio got up from her spot on the couch to answer the phone.
The Dazzlings didn’t have caller ID for their landline, so she didn’t know who was calling.
“Hello?” she greeted.
Nobody answered.
“Hello?” she asked again but louder.
“Hello, miss,” a monotone voice said. “Sorry for the delay, I was deciding between saying ‘hello’ or ‘good afternoon’.”
“Huh?” Adagio became confused. “What do you want?”
“Am I speaking with the current owner of the house?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Good. My name is Dud Tire and I’m calling representing Iron Will’s Housing Service,” he said. “I am calling to conduct a long but mandatory home inspection survey.”
“What?!” Adagio was surprised. “Can you call back another day?”
“Sorry miss, if you don’t comply with answering these questions, we will have to evict anyone currently living at the address.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Adagio said irritated.
“I assure you miss, this is no joke.”
Adagio had decided it was not a joke since his voice sounded so serious.
The Dazzlings have finally gotten a permanent place to stay. It took them too long to find a house because of the battle of the bands incident and the fact that the housing market was a pile of nails. If Adagio didn’t answer his questions the Dazzlings would have to find another place to stay. Aria and Sonata would not be happy to find out that they had to move again once they came back. As leader of the sirens, it was her responsibility to keep their new home. She decided to comply and answer his questions to avoid unnecessary future hassle.
“Okay, fine,” she sighed. “What do you wanna know?”
“First off, may I ask who I am speaking with?” Dud Tire asked.
“Adagio Dazzle.”
“That was a yes or no question miss,” he stated.
“What?” Adagio said confused.
“I asked, If I could ask who I am speaking with,” he said. “Technically, your answer can either be yes or no.”
Adagio didn’t say anything. She didn’t quite understand what he had just said.
“I’ll ask again, may I ask who I am speaking with?” he repeated.
“Uh, Yes?” Adagio said befuddled.
“Alright then,” he accepted. “Who am I speaking with?”
“Adagio Dazzle” she said while gritting her teeth.
“How do you spell that?”
“A-d-a-g-i-o D-a-z-z-l-e,” she said annoyed at every letter.
There was silence for a moment.
“So if I am not mistaken I am speaking to a miss, Adagio Dazzle?” he inquired.
“Yes,” Adagio scowled.
“Okay,” he said. “Now, how many people are currently living in the residence?”
“Three,” Adagio stated firmly.
“Okay. How many bedrooms does the residence have?”
Adagio was skeptical of the question. “Doesn’t your company already know that?”
“Technically, we did, but the computer servers which were holding this data got corrupted, which is why I am calling you.”
“Three,” she said once again.
“Okay. How many bathrooms are installed in the residence?”
“One.”
“Okay. How many toilets are installed in that bathroom?”
“W-What do you mean? I said there’s only one bathroom, so of course there’s only one toilet.”
“Technically, according to our outdated records, some homes which have one bathroom can have one or more toilets installed,” he said.
“Okay!” she raised her voice. “There’s only one toilet in the one bathroom!”
“Okay, got it.” he said.
Adagio couldn’t tell if she was speaking to an actual human or a robot. This guy’s voice was the embodiment of dullness. If a rock learned to talk, it’s tone would be more interesting. Hopefully, he only had a few more questions and she could get back to watching TV.
“Are there any termites infesting the residence?”
“No.”
“How about mice, ants, lizards, bats, raccoons, hedgehogs, foxes, echidnas-”
“There are no pests of any kind living here!” Well, except for Sonata and Aria, she thought.
“Okay. How many permanent light fixtures are installed in the house?” he asked.
“I don’t know that.”
“Please go and count them.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Fine” she groaned. “Hold on for a few minutes.”
“Sure.”
Adagio then traveled all around her home in search of every last light fixture. It took her five minutes to count all the light fixtures in the house. She then returned back to the phone.
“There are fourteen lights.”
“Does that include the lights on the exterior of the house?”
“W-What? Y-Yes...” she lied.
“Miss Adagio, all of the information I’m gathering needs to be accurate. This information needs to be sent to the electric company in order for them to supply the correct amount of voltage.”
“Fine!” Adagio got up again. “Please wait again.”
“Okay.”
Adagio went outside and added all the exterior lights to her previous count. She went back inside and returned to Dud Tire on the phone.
“There are nineteen lights inside and outside of the house,” she said tiredly.
“Okay, very good,” he said. “What is the total surface area of the residence?”
“I don’t know! Why do you want to know that?”
“Listen miss, I don’t create the questions, I am merely calling to ask them,” he said. “Please measure the dimensions of your home and calculate the area.”
Adagio sighed heavily and took out a ruler from Sonata’s arts and crafts bin.
“This is gonna take a while to do,” she said sounding depressed.
“I can wait,” he said mercilessly.
Adagio put him on hold and started the long and tedious process of measuring every single room of the house. It took her forty minutes to measure all the rooms. The living room, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, three bedrooms and garage. It didn’t help that she was sick, though mildly. Once she was done measuring, she calculated and summed the areas using the good old fashion Length x Width = Area formula.
“Okay. I’m finally done measuring,” she said extremely tired.
“Good, please tell me the total surface area of the house,” he asked.
“two-thousand, one-hundred and seventy-five square feet in total,” she muttered.
“Sorry miss, technically, the survey requires that the answer be in square meters,” he said not acknowledging her hard work. “Please convert the surface area to square meters.”
Adagio wanted to choke herself with the phone cord. She irritably converted the measurement from feet to meters with the calculator she had been using before.
“The total surface area, in square meters, is two-hundred and two.”
“Okay.”
She wanted to end this insufferable monotone man, who had quickly established himself as the bane of her existence. If he asked another tedious question, she sweared to Celestia she would-
“Alright miss, we are all done with the survey.”
“Finally!” Adagio exasperated in relief.
She did it. Even if she almost fainted from exhaustion, it was worth it to keep the house for herself and the other two sirens.
“Thank you miss, for participating in this prank phone call,” he congratulated.
“It was no pro...wait...Wait....WHAT?!!!” she lost her breath and became fully tensed.
“I said, thank you miss, for participating in this prank phone call,” he repeated. “The survey questions you answered were fraudulent.”
“W-W-W-What?!” Adagio stammered. “You said this wasn’t a joke!!” Adagio screamed into the phone.
“Correct this is not a joke,” he said nonchalantly. “this is a prank.”
“W-What?!” Adagio was dumbstruck.
“Technically, this is a prank and not a joke,” Dud explained. “A joke is something you say to make someone laugh, while a prank is a joke you play on someone.”
Adagio was speechless.
“In this case I am playing a prank on you by pretending to be an agent from Iron Will’s Housing Service.”
Adagio was fuming, the phone was trembling in her hand.
“Listen, Dud Tire, I will find you and you’re gonna regret calling me!” she shouted.
“Technically, my name isn’t Dud Tire,” he responded unafraid. “I lied to remain anonymous.”
“WHO IS THIS?!” she roared.
“Sorry to have bothered you, have a good day from now on, miss Dazzle,” he said as he dodged the question and hung up.
Adagio was breathing very fast. She realized she had just wasted two hours being on the receiving end of a prank call. She missed much of her show for a prank. She lost her rare time alone for a prank. She measured the whole damn house for a prank.
She had been played for a fool.
Adagio snapped.
“AHHHHHHH!” she bellowed.
“That was a pretty creative prank call, Mud Briar,” Maud said with a small smirk.
She had listened to the whole call Mud Briar just made.
“Thank you,” Mud Briar said happily. “Do you think I’ve improved my speaking skills?”
“Yes, definitely,” she insisted. “Though, I think you might have gone too far. You spent two hours on that call.”
“Technically, it was one hour and fifty minutes,” he corrected. “but perhaps, I did needlessly prolong that.”
“Whoever she was, I hope she wasn't too upset it was a prank call,” Maud hoped.
“Perhaps I should call her back at a later date to apologize,” Mud Briar suggested.
“Yes, that would be good,” Maud agreed. “but for now, do you wanna go to the beach to find more sticks and rocks?”
“Sure.”
Sonata and Aria finally got back from their long shopping trip. Aria was carrying half the shopping bags while sonata was carrying the other half. Sonata was also carrying hugging a bag full of Chipotle Tacos. They were coming up on their new house which was in view.
“Yay!” Sonata cried happily. “We’re finally home!”
“We would have been here sooner if you didn’t get stuck,” Aria lectured. “You are the only person in the Universe able to get trapped inside a freezer.”
“I couldn’t help it, those frozen tacos looked so good!” Sonata whined.
“We both know that frozen fast food tastes terrible,” Aria sulked.
When they approached the door, they both heard screaming coming from inside their house.
“What the?” Aria asked confused and concerned.
They both quickly ran inside the house with the bags and found Adagio in the living room. She was on the floor babbling incoherently and crying a bit. There was pillow stuffing everywhere, from a pillow that was torn up nearby. The phone was on the floor in the corner.
“Adagio! what happened?!” Aria asked with great concern as she went to her older sister.
“N-Nothing! Nothing happened!” Adagio calmed herself a bit, realizing her sisters were back. “D-Did you two get the groceries?”
“Technically, we got the groceries and some tacos!” Sonata said cheerfully.
“W-W-What did you say?” Adagio said frozen and twitching an eye.
“I said,” Sonata repeated. “Technically, we got-”
“Technically?, TECHNICALLY?!, TECHNICALLY I WILL END YOU!!!!”
Adagio got up and began chasing Sonata throughout the house and yard in a rage. Aria had to frantically calm Adagio down before she strangled Sonata’s life out.
The End.