Barro's shot pierced both magical shields. It pierced the hull of the train car, went right through the ceiling, the floor, kept going and the energy from the shot caused the entire thing to explode. The entire train car was blasted to pieces and disintegrated into atoms in a single, red flash of light and fire. There was nothing even left to be seen of it but dust, just like Equestria.
Barro let out a long exhale. For a moment, he drifted in space, still gripping the controls of his gunship. The motions of the cosmic tide carried him as he watched the debris particles from the train expand outward. The ship might as well have been a pen, its shot being the last word, the final point in Dan's story. Even after all that happened, it ended the same: the reporter had written the last word of Dan's story and the story of Equestria.
The fact that it would be preserved gave him some solace.
"Wow... he's really gone."
Several remarks floated around Barro's brain in that moment, but none felt right. "Yeah," he said. Another long silence followed.
"So... what do we do now?"
Barro shrugged. "I don't know. There's always other stories out there. We could go cover them."
"Okay," Michael said, sounding innocently uncertain but also accepting. Michael Hay, unlike Michael Bay, was happy enough letting others lead. Yet another long silence in space followed before Michael said, "We... we never found out about the raffle tickets."
Barro thought of telling Michael to shut up again. The thought was gone as quickly as it had come. "Yeah."
And then, the sensors of Barro's fighter pinged something. Before he could say something, Michael did.
"Looks like we're not done covering this after all!"
Barro gritted his teeth. "Shut up, Michael."
"Yeah!"
Dan thought he felt a tingle before the shot hit. His vision filled with bright light. For a brief moment that was all he and the others could see; bright, swirling light surrounding them. And then, they reappeared on the transporter pads of the Danfiant.
"GAAAAAHH!" Dan yelled. "Haa... haa... haa..."
"Wh-what?" Phoenix asked. "What is this?"
Twilight looked around. "Where are we?"
Khan Noonien Singh was there to greet them, arms folded. "You're aboard the Reliant-R. Safe, but for how long, I cannot say."
Dan grabbed Twilight's face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I didn't know who was listening in."
"Didn't tell us what, Dan?" Phoenix asked. "Wait... is this the Reliant?"
"Even better. It's the DAN-fiant. Had Khan and some others working on it for a long time, and they did a great job."
Colress tapped at his wristpad, even alternating between the two of them with the data they were absorbing. "There's a lot of power fluctuations in this thing. Are you sure the repairs are-"
"No time! We've got to get to the bridge!" Dan shouted, and started bounding down the corridor.
"Other way," Khan said, prompting Dan to come bounding back around in the opposite direction. He waved at the others to follow him.
The corridors of the ship were lit with a red glow, testament to the state the ship was still in. Dan ran up to one of the ship's turbolifts.
"They're inoperative below C-Deck."
Dan spun around. "What the hell IS working around here?"
"Not much, Dan," Khan admitted. "We have partial main power."
"That's ALL?"
"Best we could do with lumber and electronics from Pone Depot." The group took a right from the main hall to the Jeffries tube. They took it all the way up to the top of the ship and from there, they reached the bridge.
On the other side of the great rock in space where Equestria had been, Barro was just now realizing he was duped. His fighter's engines warmed up, and began bearing around the debris field to intercept them.
The doors to the bridge opened. "Where's the steering wheel? Quick- how do we fly this thing?"
"I thought you'd read the instructions," Khan said.
"Instructions on how to rebuild it, now how to fly it. Now turn on the in-fight-movie screen thingy."
Methodically, Khan moved to the science station and activated the tactical viewscreen. The display at the front of the bridge activated. But it wasn't a tactical view at first.
"What is 'Raid: Shadow Legends?'" Phoenix asked, puzzled. (Why am I suddenly worried about the possibility of a mobile Ace Attorney game?)
"Khan," Dan started, "what the hell is this?"
"I believe," Khan began with a slight sigh, "Shining Armor or Cadence may have gotten bored during the repairs and downloaded some form of software to the main computer."
Dan took the captain's chair. "How do we get rid of it? We need the external cameras, the main viewfinder, the periscope! SOMETHING!" He tapped at the controls on the chair's arm randomly.
"Captain's Log, Stardate five-seven-*kzzzssht* -something to do with that rash, but we can't seem to-*kzzssht* -moon over Rigel-7 with my pants down, so I-*krrrsssshhshhh*"
"Dan, MAYBE you shouldn't press so many buttons before we know what we're doing!" Twilight suggested.
Rarity stepped onto the bridge wearing a Starfleet uniform. "I just found the loveliest outfits in a closet nearby- I absolutely love this material!"
"Rarity, not helping!" Phoenix shouted.
"But they look so nice and they feel amazing. And each one comes with this lovely pin," she said, tapping the Starfleet pendant. And somehow, doing so triggered something on the bridge.
"Hi there! Thank you for choosing OnStar for all your starship and space vessel needs. To continue in English, press 1. TlhIngan, cha' batlh press! Quack, quack quack. For additional options, please configure your universal translator or Babel fish to the custom settings."
"OnStar? This ship has ONSTAR? Did they get this ship from a used car lot?!" Dan shouted.
"Isn't that where you got your car from, Dan?" Phoenix asked.
"MY CAR DOESN'T HAVE ONSTAR! The damn thing's a ripoff, anyway! Just trying to sucker you in to more monthly fees when you know you're never going to use the thing, even if you DO get into an accident, you just use your cellphone to call a tow truck or a buddy so-" A loud smash, close by, cut Dan's rant short.
"Something hit the hull!"
"Hey! I think I found the controls!" Phoenix announced. Another crash reverberated through the hull. Phoenix had apparently found the helm console, just in front and to the left of the captain's chair.
"OnStar has detected a collision with your vessel. If you would like to contact your registered insurance provider, press 1 now. Chegh qul lo'laHbe' Ha'DIbaH 'e' ngIl SoH maw, cha' batlh press!"
"I've fixed the viewscreen," Khan announced. "And yes Phoenix, those are the helm controls. Twilight, take the weapons console. Rarity, communications and Colress- get to engineering."
"What about the instructions?! How do I know which weapon is which?!" Twilight asked.
"TWILIGHT JUST DO WHAT KHANNIE SAYS FOR SHIP'S SAKES!"
"Okay okay!" Khan may have had the right idea but it was Dan that everyone listened to.
The door opened for Colress to leave the bridge, but in flooded the foodimals.
"Yayyyyyy!!"
"Excited expression." Atop the foodimals rode the Magic Gear sisters.
"OnStar reminds users that any trouble with tribbles or problems with parasprites are not available for assistance."
The viewscreen switched from the menu of Raid: Shadow Legends to Ponymon: Go.
"I thought you said you had this thing fixed!!" Dan shouted. The foodimal wave reached him and at the same time, something bashed into the hull yet again.
Khan looked back at his controls, concerned. "It seems Twilight's brother and sister-in-law have been downloading quite a few things to the bridge computer..."
Dan grabbed the armchair and hit it hard. "HELP US, ONSTAR! HELLLLPPP!!" Whether on purpose or not, he pressed 1.
"Activating ECH. Have a nice day!"
A hologram appeared next to Dan. "Please state the nature of the command emergency."
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" they all screamed as the foodimals overtook the bridge.
The Emergency Command Hologram, who looked a lot like Robert Picardo, blinked and rubbed his ears. "You don't have to be so loud, you know. And apparently, I didn't have to ask. Computer- remove all unnecessary lifeforms from the bridge."
"Acknowledged." All the foodimals glowed a shimmering gold and were beamed off the bridge. ECH then looked around and realized a problem.
"Computer, beam back all of the sentient lifeforms to the bridge."
"Please specify."
Exasperatedly, he said, "All of the ones that wouldn't fit in storage compartment, please!"
"Acknowledged." Phoenix, Twilight and the others were then beamed back. All except for-
ECH pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please beam back the last human as well."
"Oh yeah, sorry. Here he is. Uh, I mean- Acknowledged."
"AAAAAA-oh hey, we're good now."
"Computer, display forward view, please." The viewscreen then changed from yet another mobile game to that of space just in front of the ship's bridge. Except, to Dan's eyes, it looked like it was still on some kind of game.
"Okay, magic bald guy, that's still a game."
Twilight looked at the screen nervously. It showed the outer hull of the ship and a group of familiar, translucent creatures prowling on it. "I don't think they make any mobile games about ursas."
ECH bit his lip. "That's because they don't."
Several Ursa Minors were roaming on top of the ship. Licking, pawing or clawing at it curiously. One rose up in front of the bridge and snarled at the camera.
"Oh dear. They're not going to eat the ship, are they?" Rarity asked.
"A lullaby. We need a lullaby right now but-but," Twilight stammered, looking around. "Is there sound in space? I don't know. WHY ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN READ?!!"
ECH sighed. "Phoenix Wright, the controls in front of you-"
"Yes?"
"Push the handle all the way forward and rotate the knob next to it all the way to the right. Quickly."
"Like this?"
"NOT THAT FAST!" The ship spun rapidly. The sudden shift was too much for even the vessel's artificial gravity to take, and the motion flung everyone save for the holographic Emergency Command Hologram into the wall.
"Why didn't you just tell him to do a barrel roll?!"
"That's not what this is!" ECH snapped at Dan. Fortunately, the sudden rapid motion was too much for the Ursas, who were also flung off the ship. The space bears were hearty beasts though, so they weren't harmed.
Dan and company fell off the ceiling.
ECH walked up to them. "Do you require medical attention? Because I can provide that as well."
"No," Dan said, pulling himself off the deck. "I'm not signed up for OnStar now, am I?" ECH shook his head. "Good," replied Dan.