I couldn’t believe it was happening. I knew it would, it was obvious that it was going to be now, but I never even had one thought of how I would be feeling afterward. As I looked around at all of the other classmates that I have been with my whole life, it had made me realize just how unprepared I was. I saw them all, in their gowns that introduced them fully into adulthood, causing them to seek out different paths that none of us would guess. And here I was, sitting down waiting until I finally was called to get the one thing that, for some reason, I really didn’t think I would get, nor did I want.
I always thought that I would be proud of my own graduation, but for some reason, I was terrified. I doubted anypony would really care what happens when I get my diploma, and I also knew that the entire time living in Ponyville, nopony really treated me fairly, so it was confusing to me how I was actually afraid of leaving. It could be the fact that this school was the only place in Ponyville that I went (before I met Doctor of course) without being told to leave.
So many ponies were already crying from leaving their best friends, and I actually wanted to say goodbye to some ponies as well, but I knew better, they would either not know whom I was, or would mock me and tell me that they don’t understand how I could be here with them. So, I just stayed in my seat, waiting until the ceremony was over, and maybe start thinking about a future I most likely would just have to wish to have.
I knew I wanted to work in astronomy, that was a given fact. However, I just didn’t really know how I could get some job there when I can’t even get a minimum wage job. It’s hard when everypony thinks you have no potential, even the worst of the worst. So, I mainly just wanted to focus on a nice summer with Whooves, that was at least something to hope for. Ever since the Winter Dance, we had officially become a couple. It was thrilling to see what experiences we would have, mostly for me, since I had never even had a male stallion even notice me once. I immediately felt better about myself afterward, and actually started to become more confident in what I could accomplish, even if it is just baby steps. Thanks to Doctor, Shadow Heart never even looked at me or his friends (whom now are back to being good friends with Whooves, and even me!), I didn’t see her at all now, so she probably already got her diploma.
The winter months were chilling, and yet very warm. I still worried about Whooves a lot when he left, always afraid that he was cold but too strong to show it. However, he spent multitudinous nights in the observatory, so I knew that at least he was safe and warm. Hearths Warming was special, only because for once, I finally got a good present! My family decided to go cheap and give me a used necklace that my mother wore (a past gift from her cousin no doubt, which would explain how I never saw her wear it at all in my life). However, Whooves, even if it was a bit cheap, bought me an old library book he found at the school, it was an astronomy book that explained the theories and stories of the constellations! I never was as big of a fan of astrology, but it did gain my interest as a hobby. I loved the book a lot and am already almost done with the entire thing. Some nights I would read to Doctor Whooves in the observatory at night to help him sleep, I thought that he might not have wanted this, just because I am one who is so invested in a book, that falling asleep to one is near impossible! However, before I could even finish a chapter, I could hear his soft snoring and smiled at how cute he was when he slept.
Speaking of which, where is he? I thought as I looked around, it wasn’t like him to miss out on something that was scheduled. He was usually very punctual with dates. Through the crowds, I searched, wondering if perhaps he was out of my view and off with his friends, who try to avoid large crowds. Usually, when I hung out with them, they were always in a room or away from society, which wasn’t bad, since I too, used to be known to avoid ponies as much as I could.
However, my theory was blown out, as I saw Atom and the Glow Bros (as I liked to call them), but no Whooves. Where could he be? It isn’t like him to be this late, maybe he is trying to finish up something else, or he overslept? No, he never would oversleep, he has too many responsibilities. Oh gosh, what if he got the date wrong! No, he told me constantly what day it was when we would finally reach adulthood (though that doesn’t happen for me just yet… I still am only seventeen). Did I say something wrong? No, stop that, this has nothing to do with you, he might just need to get something and is running a bit late. No need to worry… OH GOSH WHERE-
Before the thoughts could get any worse, a sudden (and convenient) pastry was in my line of poor sight, I looked at it, dazed and confused, and then looked at the host holding it. A sigh of relief and a big hug came its way as the host tried his best not to drop what looked like a muffin.
“You don’t have to worry,” Whooves said, holding me closer, “You know I would never miss this,”
I began to look at the muffin in his hooves, and wondered, is that really a muffin? It looks a bit floppy, and less dense than what most look like, of course, it could just be a flop, but it doesn’t seem as such.
Finally, my curiosity got the best of me, “Whooves, what exactly is this? It looks like a muffin, but it also doesn’t,”
“Well I don’t know how it couldn’t, I bought it from Pinkie Pie, and she did say that it was a muffin, besides, what else could it be?”
“Well, sometimes you can mistake a muffin for a cupcake, so I think you might have gotten the wrong thing,”
“How can you tell this isn’t a muffin?” Whooves said, examining the pastry up close, “It looks like one doesn’t it?”
“Doctor, there is a clear difference between a muffin and a cupcake, such as a cupcake is denser and becomes more of a smaller piece of cake, while a muffin is a bit harder and lumpier, even if a muffin had icing on it, you can clearly tell that it is a muffin by its touch and taste.
“That is a pile of hay and you know it! There is a difference, yes. However, I know that this is a muffin because that is what I selected specifically,”
“And you gave no thought as to whether what you got really was a muffin or not?” I said, very cheekily, we both knew who was winning this argument. however.
“Okay, there is only one way to settle this,” Whooves said, as I nodded in agreement.
“Taste Test,” We both said in unison before I bit in half of the “muffin” and chewed on it, distinguishing the flavor, finding it to be a nice and savory, the texture felt as such, and it really wasn’t bad at all, of course, that wasn’t what we were arguing about. Was this a muffin or not?
Afterward, I swallowed and smiled, then Doctor began eating his half, moving his jaw slowly, and beginning the process as I had done myself, and he smiled as well.
“I suppose you were right, I have never had a muffin that tasted that soft, nor did it have that extinguishing flavor, but I am glad that the problem has resolved itself and we can move on to a place wherein you are happy,” Whooves said, admitting his defeat maturely, I just couldn’t take it.
“Good answer, and thank you!” I said, causing Whooves to raise an eyebrow (despite what he already knows), “Because you said you wanted me to be happy, so you stated that I was right, even when we both knew that was, indeed, a muffin as you had said. Though extremely poor exterior, it was clearly evident that this pastry was a muffin.”
“I hate you,” Whooves said sarcastically, and I just smiled brightly.
“No, you don’t,” I said, as we were once again in a tight embrace.
“No, I don’t, but at least now we both can be right about something,”
We stayed there for a while, I liked that we were able to discuss certain things without going into a full-fledged fight, we both knew what the other meant even if they don’t necessarily say it. I loved how we also weren’t the couple that was always happy-go-lucky, we have problems and we both know that we can talk to each other about them. That is what I love about him, the fact that he trusts me enough to tell me things that I think he could never tell his former marefriend.
Other ponies began sitting around us as the graduation ceremony began, I could see that more parents and guardians were out in the field, happy and hopeful for their own kin, only waiting until the day that they will, presumably, finally leave and start out their own lives. My family was there too, I actually didn’t know if they would really come or not, but I strangely felt uncomfortable now that they were here, almost as if I need to act my best behavior just so they can see me as something other than a burden. They mostly don’t celebrate many things with me, all except for one day: my birthday.
Which actually should be coming soon, the summer months made me most excited for this reason, even if I did not have that many ponies around, I always was mentioned and told to have a good day, which made me at least feel a bit better about myself, but now that I have Whooves, this may just be the best birthday I will ever have!
Anyway, everypony began to get to their seats, while the principal was starting his speech, it wasn’t too important, just how proud he was that everypony here was now moving on, even when, if asked, he could barely recognize any of our names even if he had a list. I mostly was just waiting until this was all over, because I had a lot to think about, and I wanted to do so in peace and quiet, but it would be a while, as so many ponies had a lot to say on their minds and a lot of ponies to thank, even when I knew that most just really wanted to speak and get attention. Which, as painfully as I admit it, should probably happen, most ponies don’t really get much time to shine, and I could tell that most of them really wanted to be noticed, but now was their chance to finally say their piece, and it was good that they were achieving their dreams. I, however, didn’t really feel like this was much of an accomplishment, sure I made it through four agonizing years, but what exactly did I make this year? We hold no celebration for anypony who was sitting beside me, and everything we wanted was thrown out because of “budget cuts”. I only found this year applicable because of Whooves, and even then, it wasn’t until a bit later in the year
Finally, it was my turn, I found that a few ponies clapped for me, but they were just the ones who clapped for everypony even if they weren’t their own foals. I felt proud though, despite what I said, it was an amazing feeling to know that throughout my whole life, I finally was able to say that I made it through something, even if it didn’t feel that accomplished. I sat back down and just waited until everypony else was done, including Doctor, who, just like me, was waiting until the whole occurrence was over. We didn’t plan on doing much else later, I had suggested that we could go out and celebrate, but we both knew that my parents would want me home. So, as soon as the principal was giving his outro, everypony began walking home and getting started on their graduation parties. Meanwhile, Whooves and I began walking away as well.
“Well, that wasn’t as nearly as fun as I thought,” Doctor said, rubbing his eyes from falling asleep for about five minutes into the ceremony. I was about to wake him but figured that he would most likely find more entertainment in his dreams than here. All up until his name was called, he took his diploma and tried to go back to sleep.
“I knew it would be a bust, but at least it’s over and we can finally be free from ever going there again,” I said, knowing that even if I did go back, nopony would really know who I was, and even the teachers would think I was an exchange student.
“well, do you have any plans? For the future I mean,”
I stopped, I knew I wanted to think about this, but maybe it would be better if I talked it out, then I could get some idea of what I wanted. Then again, could I talk about it now? My parents could be waiting for me to come home and get ready for dinner (that I would most likely have to make). I looked around and noticed that they were nowhere to be seen. I looked up at the sun but reverted back after my idiotic brain had realized that looking at the sun was dangerous. But before I was temporarily blinded, I could sense that it was somewhere in the late afternoon, giving me at least a little bit of time before I had to go and, possibly, make dinner.
I sighed, “Doctor, I could tell you a million things that I could do, but that would give out a false sense of hope that both of us know is not going to make anything better, so instead of dreaming about what I wish I could do, I instead look to what society thinks I can do because that is most likely what I am going to be stuck with,”
“Muffins, you don’t really think that everypony thinks your that incompetent, right?” Whooves asked in empathy.
“I don’t know, the only pony who had ever seen me as anything more than a clutz, wasn’t even from here, and instead was a runaway with so many trust issues that he drove almost everypony away… uh, no offense,” I said, realizing that I may have just insulted a pony I care for so deeply.
“None taken, your right about all of that, but you also know that I never would have even been able to be where I am without you immensely telling me that it was okay and that we can get through everything if we just open up, and tell each other about what is bothering us,”
I smiled, he always knew how to make me see the logical sense, and also the grand thing that hope has for me. Constantly, he tells me that I was his light, that I was the reason he changed. When little does he know, that I too have changed thanks to him. He calls me his Grey Angel, but I think I should call him my Time Guardian, because he has protected me from everything in my past, and will continue on doing so in my future, I couldn’t have asked even the gods above for a pony like him.
“Your right. I guess this whole graduation has finally made me think about what it is I really want in life, but I also want to enjoy my life as much as I can, before I am brought down by the sad reality of debt and constant job flipping that I may have to endure. I just don’t know what to do yet,” I sat down with a sad frown on my face, contemplating everything that is going on in my life.
Doctor Whooves could see that I was sad, and sat next to me, giving me a reassuring hoof and smiling sympathetically, “Well that’s okay, many ponies who received their own diplomas are probably thinking just as you are. Wanting to know what you will do in life is important, but it doesn’t have to be an overnight decision, you need experiences and lessons to help you through it all, and even when you do figure out what you want, you still will be unable to find a sure answer until you go out and explore it with memories of your past to help you out. And don’t think you aren’t the only one wanting to also enjoy life as of now. I, too, wish to find myself in a future where I can be happy and lively, but I know that it will take time, so why not enjoy it today? And live a life where no matter what you do, you can smile through it all. Somepony special taught me that long ago, and she still ceases to amaze me with what I learn from her,” he nuzzled my neck and I smiled, knowing that everything he said was right and that I should just keep living my life and think about my future in due time, and spend the rest of it with the ones whom I care about.
“Thanks, Doctor, you always know what to say to me,” I said, kissing him softly, and enjoying the sensation, we broke quickly, and that was when I noticed that we weren’t alone, and found a few ponies staring at us, but we didn’t care. All they were going to do is think about us for a second, before leaving and forgetting about us at an instant.
I got up and found that we still had a bit of time left, so I and Whooves decided to find a quieter place to rest, and talk about more trivial conversations, such as my birthday that should be here in about two weeks. It was nice to stop thinking about my future and instead be the teenager I was for the last few weeks, before finally reaching adulthood.
“Hey, Doctor?” I asked as a sudden, more apprehensive thought entered my head, “What do you think might happen to us? I know that sometimes ponies drift apart after they graduate because they are going down different paths, but are we like that?”
Doctor Whooves stayed silent for a long while, I knew I started up another contemplative question, but now I think I am glad that I asked because then I would just be staying up all night trying to think about what he might say.
“Well, I know that you and I have different interests in our destinies, but I think if we support each other and try to do well, then we will most assuredly stay together. I don’t think we really have paths that would make us separate, but if you ever feel like you need to talk about it, you know I will listen”
“I know, and some part of me believes that we were destined to be together (the girly and giggly side of me), but on the other side, the other part, the selfish one, believes that I would want you to stay with me, even if it meant giving up on a dream. That part doesn’t completely control me, however, because there is another, bigger part inside, that knows that no matter what we both choose, we will stay by each other’s side to help us fulfill our own paths. The reason I asked that question is merely the fact that, throughout this whole event, I’ve only been able to ask just one question, and that is… what now?”
“What now? Do I try and see a college that could help me in my career? Do I just sit back and wait for the universe to tell me a sign? Or do I just forget about it and find a place of my own to figure out how to live on my own and see the harsh reality that we all will have to face? Do I wait and see what my path can lead me to, which may never be, or do I go head forward into a path that I see, and then figure out my life from there? And most important, do the choices I make ensure that you and I will stay together? Or am I only going to tear us apart because of an action that neither of us thought I would want? All of these questions will be answered, I am sure of that, but it still doesn’t mean that I don’t already want to know them, just so I can make the right choice, and live a happy and healthy life.” I moved my head lower to the ground. I hated that I wanted these questions to be answered so badly, even when I know nopony can answer them. But I still try to keep that faith, because I know, I know that when I look back, I will laugh at how silly these questions are to ask.
I looked at Doctor Whooves with my left eye, finding my right to wander towards the atmosphere from the outside, he smiled at me in understanding, almost as if these very questions were running around in his head as well. “Let me just ask one thing: what is it that you want right now”
I thought for a bit, I could just say that I want to be with him, but he knew that I wanted to say more. In honesty, I really did want to be with him, but not to where I am always questioning whether or not we may break up. What do I want right now? Well, I want to stop thinking about these horrid questions that I hate to ask of course! But what else? I know that I want to be happy and that only happens when I am with him, but if that is the case, then why do I feel as if just saying that isn’t enough anymore. We are together, dating, a couple, so why is just saying that not enough? Maybe I just want to feel what I am saying. It makes sense, we usually just kiss for a short time, before letting go, but maybe now I want those kisses to last longer, and to be more… intimate.
I stared at the floor some more. It wasn’t that hard to tell that I was a mare pining for a stallion, but now that I have him, I feel like I should do more than just look. I want to touch. I want to feel. And I want him to as well. He may not have said anything, but I could definitely sense the looks he gave me were more than just a simple ‘I like and respect you for who you are’. It was more, personal. As if he wanted to secretly tell me ‘I want you for your beauty, and your body,’. Thinking this, I began to get red in the face. Then I guess I do know what I want.
I stared at Whooves and he smiled back at me. But soon began to blush as well as I moved to sit on his lap, my eyes moved to him, and I felt a sense of excitement for what I wanted, it wasn’t that strong, but I could tell that he was starting to understand.
“M-Muffins? I…” he didn’t even have time to answer, before I silenced him with my hoof, and moved slowly to his ear.
“I want you to kiss me. Kiss me how you want to, and make me happy,” I bit down softly, nibbling and tickling them as my temperature began to raise nearly two degrees, I could hear his breathing harden as I tugged, before my mouth moved down to his own, we stared softly, indulging our sensibilities as I leaned in, forcing every part of both my love and lust out. He reciprocated, and I felt his hooves move lower down, and I laughed softly. There was an unusual comfort of how he was treating me, almost as if he never was able to be included in such chivalrous actions, and that made me smile even more. We parted shortly but found each other again as I could feel his heart and his lust wanting to spill out. And soon, I finally let him in, shifting my body so that we could reach a more comfortable position. He let go and moved down towards my neck, biting it softly, no doubt to take revenge on what I had done to his ears, I felt a new sensation wash over me, and could somehow sense that he was as well. I wanted to stay here forever, away from my problems, from my thoughts, and just spend time relinquishing my feeling to a stallion that so desperately wants to do the same. His tongue softly licked my neck and I let out a small moan, but shortly after I broke away, covering my mouth with my wings and blushing from embarrassment instead.
Doctor Whooves looked at me and smiled, finding my adorable nature to be even more irresistible. He would have continued on, but one look at the sun and I knew that if I didn’t leave now, then I would have stayed all night, and leave my family alone to break a promise to them that I made. I never try to break any promises if I can help it.
“I have to go,” I said, looking at a disappointing, but considerate, Whooves, who let go of me, and smiled at what we were able to do.
“Thank you, for what you wanted, and don’t worry, everything you are worrying about will be gone in due time, you just have to be patient,”
I smiled as an idea struck my head, “Hey, I know it might be a little late, but do you want to eat dinner with my family? I would love it if you could, and maybe we can… continue our little… ‘expedition’,” I said, knowing that if I mentioned it, he would agree. And he did.
So, the night was spent, eating a dinner I, indeed, had to make but growing better as the night went on. Whooves stayed in the observatory later in the night, and we did, truly, explore more about the feelings we both didn’t know we wanted. Nothing too serious though, merely just my first make-out. But it was nice to finally experience something that I had thought was incredulously incompetent, but that was just my conscious trying to tell me right from wrong. Now I found myself instead, listening to my heart (while still giving some of my cogitating some credit). But mostly, I decided that Whooves was right, I need to just wait until I feel the time is right to make a life-changing decision, so I lay beside Whooves in the observatory, finding myself wanting to be near him more than before.
And by the next to weeks, we would be closer than I ever could have imagined.