//------------------------------//
// Chapter Three: Globetrotting 
// Story: The Titans' Orb: Breaking Dawn 
// by Mister Horncastle 
//------------------------------//

“Ugh, this heat is making me nauseous.” Moaned an exhausted Rarity.

“Good thing there’s a ridge ahead,” I huffed in response, “even if the Landie isn’t there, we get a few moments in the shade at least.”

“I certainly hope it’s there, I’m hardly the hiking sort of pony, especially in this heat!”

“Well, stay on your guard, you’ll probably spot it before I do with that rifle of yours.”

Rarity simply wheezed in response, mainly focusing on the walk ahead. Reaching into the pouch that dangled at my waist, I sprinkled another deposit of crystal onto the ground and kicked some sand over it to prevent it blowing away.

“How much of that do we have left?” Rarity inquired.

“About a quarter of what we started with. We’ll have to make fewer tracks if it’s not at this ridge.”

“Then let’s hope you’re right, darling.”

“Well, in the case that I am, it might be best for you to lose the umbrella.” I chuckled.

Sheepishly giggling in response, the unicorn reluctantly removed the brolly from its mount and put it into her saddlebag; it didn’t take long before she was reaching for a bottle of water.

“You really don’t like the sun, do you?” I chortled.

“Pfft, like you enjoy it any better.”

Flexing my eyebrows and shrugging in passive agreement, I decided to check up on Twilight.

{What’s up, Sparklebutt?}

{Please never call me that again.}

{No problem, Sparkypants.} I teased.

{Or that.}

{What about Book Horse?}

{Right, I’m taking my collar off.}

{Jeez, okay! No more names, I just wanted to check on how the Dashie situation’s getting along.}

{It’s going rather well actually, she’s remembered the state where her father’s home is, so at least we have a vague idea of where to go once we reach America.}

{Okay, good to know. Which state is it?}

{A place called Michigan, does that ring any bells?}

While I knew of the name from hearing of a place called Lake Michigan once, I hadn’t actually a clue where in the state itself was, I’d need a map as soon as possible.

{Yeah, I vaguely know of it. Did she remember it on her own or did you give her a buzzword?

{A buzzword, oddly, the phrase ‘alarms’ triggered the memory.}

Humming, I recalled on the fanfiction and how it told of Rainbow Dash’s flight lessons in a rundown park in the middle of a suburban area. When performing her very first sonic rainboom on Earth, it set off numerous car alarms.

{That’s interesting, have you tried the phrase ‘hugging in the forest’ at all?} I asked.

{Why in Equestria would I have tried that exactly?}

Elaborating, I explained to her that the writer told of Rainbow Dash first discovering the My Little Pony cartoon and completely freaking out, (rightfully so), and how she had run away into the woods; her father came after her and they eventually reconciled, emotionally hugging it out in the pouring rain.

{Huh, that’s incredible! Thanks Callum, I’ll try talking to her about that!} She exclaimed.

{No problem, good luck!}

{How’s it going up in the world above?}

{Pretty good actually, we’ve already found a vehicle, two actually!}

{Shut up, no way! So, are you on your way back already?}

{Not quite, one of them has been damaged and the other has driven away, but we’re currently tracking it and closing in on a ridge where it might be hiding. On the way back, we’re going to salvage some parts and fuel from the damaged one as well, that way we can get a long way before needing to worry about fuel.}

{Sounds hopeful, I’ll leave you to it!}

From her voice alone, I could tell she was instantly off to try out my suggestion; I couldn’t help but smirk to a feeling of warmth and hope. She might have been severely damaged and suffering from PTSD, but the real Twilight was still there, enthusiastic and eager to learn.

CRACK!

“Shit!” I yelped as the bullet smacked the sand, no more than a metre away.

Well THAT was one way to change the bloody subject! Diving onto my front, I scanned the ridge ahead for movement and found none, Rarity had followed suit and was laying low with her rifle drawn, quickly trying to identify our assailant.

“See anything?”

“Nothing yet, dear.”

“Well look harder!”

THMACK!

“Jesus! That one nearly hit me!”

Shaking the sand out of my hair, I squinted my eyes and frantically searched left to right along the rockface, soon enough they’d get a lucky shot.
There! A glimmer on the rockface! T’was the glint of a sniper’s scope, and it had given them away.

“Rarity, near the top, left side!” I barked.

“Got you!” She hissed in reply.

BANG!

Silence.

“So much for sneaking up on them...” I grumbled.

“I got him, but there could be more.”

“You think?” I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

As predicted, more bullets came down at us, smacking the sand all around; the assailants were clearly inaccurate with their guns, for bullets were hitting all over the place. Rarity quickly pinpointed their locations and fired two shots, which I could only presume hit their targets.

“Switch the rifle mode to Piercing Shot, it’ll help you spot them!” I ordered.

Doing just so, Rarity was able to count another four men on the ridge and promptly took another four shots, before releasing the rifle and looking over to me.

“Three of them are gone, and the fourth is missing an arm now, dear.”

“At long last, she finally misses a clean kill.” I teased.

“Oh no, darling, I injured him on purpose so that you didn’t feel useless!”

Blinking twice and then shaking my head, I stood up straight and stared at her.

“You’re telling me that you haven’t missed a single shot? Not one?”

“Well, no, this weapon is extremely accurate! Besides, the purpose is not to miss.” She replied innocently.

{Damn, this bitch straight-up has aim-bot activated.} I thought to myself.

{What now?}

{Not now, Twilight. Rarity’s cheating.}

“Come on, let’s go find that car.” I commanded.

“Right behind you, darling!”

{When you say cheating, do you mean she’s better with a gun than you?}

{Ugh, shut up Twilight… Yes.}

{Ah hah! Called it!}

{Haven’t you got a book to be reading or something?}

{Haven’t you got a car to find?}

{Piss off, Egghead Sparklebutt!}

{Look Callum, if you want to do name-calling, I can and will outdo you.}

{I dare you, Book Horse.}

{You’re literally a hairless ape with depression.}

Changing tactics, I thought I’d toy with her.

{You just insulted the Titan’s Champion for the fifth time today.}

{Oh my gosh, I completely forgot…}

{You forgot I’m the Champion? Now that’s an insult, consider that’s the sixth time.}

{No, no! I just mean, I need to remember who I’m actually talking to! I’m so sorry!}

{Twilight.}

{Yes?} She replied nervously.

{I’m playing with you.}

I’d have continued the game, but she was clearly getting distressed over the matter; for someone who enjoyed a bit of banter, she was prone to taking things too literally at time. Then again, I supposed that was to be expected of Twilight.

{Oh…}

{Go on, you numpty. Go and torment Rainbow Dash some more, Rarity and I are busy.}

{Alright, good luck!} She giggled sheepishly.

Continuing my walk in silence, I smiled to myself warmly.

“And what are you smirking at?” Rarity inquired.

“Oh nothing, I was just teasing Twilight via telepathy.”

“How so?”

“Just about the whole Champion thing.”

“Ah, I see. Well, as far as I’m concerned, you’re the same Callum I know and love, just with a much greater responsibility that commands greater respect.”

“That’s how I see it, I suppose. No need to treat me differently, I’m still me.” I agreed.



Closing in on the ridge, our conversation came to a halt as we shifted our attention towards the environment to scan for any potential threats. The tyre tracks became thinner and thinner as the sand transitioned to stone, it had better be in this area somewhere or we might end up losing it altogether. Soon enough I came across the first corpse, a mangled body from one of the gunmen higher up, whom had fallen down here. Out of curiosity, I drew Vitra ‘Aku and placed the tip of the blade against his body, lightly cutting into him; sadly, I wasn’t awarded with his soul, I had to deliver the killing blow for that.

“Ssh, listen.” Rarity hissed, her ears twitching.

Tilting my head, I picked up the sound of a faint grunting, an individual in pain; the noise was coming from a ledge above, far out of reach to climb, we would have to find a way up. Working our way around the brownish gold ridge, we came across a much lower shelf that would lead up to the peak. Rarity drew her rifle and covered me while I clambered up, with no apparent threats, she then lowered it and joined me. It didn’t take long until we discovered the source of the noise.

“I can’t believe you shot his fucking arm off…” I sighed, tutting.

“Well, I’m aware that you need to strengthen your soul with that of others, so I thought it would be good to injure one of them for you! On the plus side, we can also ask him where the car is!”

The man looked up at us in sheer terror, which was understandable, having just lost his arm and was now subjected to an Englishman and an alien unicorn before him, both speaking in a foreign language.

“Firstly, he doesn’t speak our language. And secondly, Rarity, you shot his arm off!”

“Well, he was holding a gun, I didn’t want him shooting us upon our approach.”

Folding my arms, I shook my head in disappointment.

“Rarity, you shot a man’s arm off.”

“Okay, I’m sorry! What, are you expecting me to stitch it back on now?”

“Well you are very good at stitching!” I retorted.

“Har har, very funny.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the man reaching for the pistol in his waist holster, with a swift dash n’ slash, I severed his other arm; he cried out in pain and writhed side to side.

“Callum!” Gasped Rarity.

“What?”

“Warn me next time, you imbecile! That’s utterly abhorrent!”

“He was reaching for his gun!”

“Oh, so it’s fine for you to dismember people, but if I do it, I’ve committed a crime?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” I replied with a grin.

“Ugh, just put the fellow out of his misery already, this is beyond cruel.”

“He literally tried to kill us, Rarity.”

“And you’re going to stoop to his level, are you? For Celestia’s sake, Callum, end his suffering already!”

Looking away from the scene, Rarity groaned loudly with distaste as I drove the blade into the man and finally put him down; I decided that it would be in my best interest to take his pistol, holster, and ammunition, there was no drawback to having a handy sidearm. There didn’t seem to be any further threats, but the car was still nowhere to be found.

“Let’s check around the other side of the ridge, the Landie might be around there.”

“I certainly hope so…”



After covering the sun scorched peak of the sandstone mound for the other men Rarity had killed, (just to ensure they were all dead, and to loot their bodies for pistol ammunition), we clambered down to ground level and surveyed each nook and cranny, eventually we found our prize tucked away in a shallow cave.

“At long last, got you.” I merrily muttered.

Not even needing to instruct her, Rarity had the intuition to switch the rifle to Piercing Shot mode and look through the scope to see through the vehicle’s body to make sure nobody was secretly cowering inside it; beckoning me over, I peered through it myself to find the rear cargo storage had a lone man squatted in hiding, a pistol aiming toward the door and evidently shaking like a leaf.

“What do we do?” Rarity hissed.

“Hm, I’m sure the car can live with a slight maiming.” I chuckled in response, withdrawing Vitra ‘Aku.

Noting exactly where the man was sitting, I approached the side of the jeep and thrust the blade into its hull as far as possible, piercing the metal wall and presumably the man’s torso beyond it; my presumption revealed itself to be true as I withdrew the blade to find it coated in fresh blood, along with the sound of his pistol clattering onto the metal floor inside the car.

“Got him.”

“Good job!” Rarity praised, lowering the rifle.

We approached the door to open it and found the man’s body slumped in a heap in the middle of the compartment, blood still oozing out of him.

“Ugh, this is going to need a good cleaning.” Rarity said with disgust.

“Definitely.” I agreed, grabbing the man’s body and dragging it out of the doorway.

Dropping the corpse next to the car, I took his ammo and found the Land Rover’s keys in one of his pockets and smiled, it was always a grand moment when a plan came together.

{Twilight, I can gladly confirm that the vehicle has been obtained!}

{Oh brilliant, that’s simply brilliant! Good work!} Commended a very excited Twilight.

{We’re on our way back, not sure how long we’ll be but you might as well start packing up the base.}

{Alright, I’ll give everyone the good news. And speaking of good news, Rainbow has remembered more about her father! Apparently, he was a trash picker.}

{A trash picker? Like a binman?} I asked.

{I’m not sure, she can’t quite remember the definition of the job. It sounds to me like he collects junk and stuff, and then either keeps it or sells it to others, but I couldn’t say for sure.}

{Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess. Good find though, keep trying to trigger more memories, we need to get a name, or a more accurate home address.}

{On it, see you later!}

“Right, let’s get out of here!” I announced.

“Here, here!” Rarity cheered.

Hopping into the driver’s seat, I instructed Rarity to sit beside me and use her gem finding spell to steer us back to the others; I put in the keys and started up the engine with no issues.

“Now, this may take a moment, I’ve never properly learned to drive.” I admitted.

“That’s not exactly what I needed to hear.” Rarity laughed nervously.

“I’m not atrocious, just be wary that I might stall it a couple times.”

Shifting into reverse, I backed out of shadowy inlet and around the ridge to where we’d come, where Rarity started pinging up the crystal dust trail. Thankfully it wasn’t too difficult to steer in the right direction, and soon enough we were on our way back towards the canyon.



“There’s the entrance, on the left side, dear!” Rarity sang.

Pulling the wheel and reaching the slope, I eased the car down until we found the other Land Rover in the same state we’d left it in. Turning off the engine, I hopped out and went over to see what we could retrieve together.

“Hm, well I can’t say there’s an awful lot to salvage, but there’s definitely a few bits and bobs here that we can use. The fuel is top priority though.” I hummed after scouting around the vehicle.

I hopped into the storage compartment and took a half-empty fuel cannister, a crowbar, and a large toolbox, (complete with a handheld drill). Rarity then helped me with her magic to siphon the diesel out of the jeep and into the cannister, almost filling it to the neck.

“Talk about lucky, we literally have an extra full tank now!” I exclaimed.

“How far will that take us?”

“I couldn’t tell you for definite, but trust me, it’s a long way.”

“Sounds good to me, let’s get back to the girls.”

Nodding in agreement, I tugged on my collar and began communicating with Twilight.

{Twi, you there?}

{Yes sir!}

{We’re on our way back, head on up to the surface.}

{Alright, see you soon!}

While I was moderately tempted at some of the undamaged remains of the weapon crates, while scarce, there were a few rifles, grenades and launchers scattered around; alas, there was easily a fifty-fifty chance that they had all been spiced as well, (which was a shame, as I would have utterly loved to fire a rocket at something), and so I sided with the mature half of my head and headed back to the functional Land Rover without giving the weapons so much as a sniff.

After packing all the salvage into the back of the jeep, I got in the driver’s seat and buckled up, as did Rarity beside me; I stuck the keys into the ignition and took the handbrake off, shifting into first gear.

“Shit.” I grumbled upon instantly stalling.

“Callum, language!”

Ignoring her, I went to neutral and tried again, only to stall for a second time.

“Fuck.”

“Language, please!” Shouted Rarity.

“Yes milady! Sorry milady!” I shouted back.

Chuckling, I eventually got a handle on the vehicle again and took off, easing my way past the wrecked car and faintly smouldering crates. Once I was clear, I shifted into second gear and rumbled along the gorge and back to my friends.



Heading up the sandy slope and into the sun, I pulled out of the canyon for good. Ahead was nothing but desert for miles and miles, it was time for Pinkie’s gadget to shine.

{Me again, I’m not too far off now, I need Pinkie to launch that flarework of hers, just so I don’t head the wrong way. Are you at the surface yet?}

{Not yet, we’ve just gone up the main stairwell, remember where that throne room was?}

{Yeah.}

{We’re there, so we won’t be too much longer.}

{Awesome, just let me know when you’re about to send it up, or I might miss it.} I advised.

{Oh don’t worry about that, according to Pinkie, you couldn’t miss this unless you were blind.}

{Sounds promising, I look forward to seeing it.}

Taking out the keys to save fuel, I leant back in my seat and sighed.

“Everything okay?” Rarity inquired.

“Yeah, everyone’s almost at the surface. Pinkie will send up her flarework so we don’t get lost, then we can be on our way.” I answered, yawning midway through my sentence.

“Tired much, darling?”

“A tad, yeah. The heat has always made me a bit drowsy.”

“You and me both, dear, I could easily take a nap about now.”

Huffing with mild amusement, I decided to further my study of Vitra ‘Aku and withdrew it from its sheath; all along the flat of the blade were strange artistic markings, all of which happened to be a much darker shade of blue than the rest of the sword. The pattern almost looked Greek in design, but I was certain that was a coincidence. The only part of the design that truly stood out was near the tip, which somewhat appeared to be a pair of feathered wings sprouting out from the rest of the pattern, it was very subtle; Hawnu Rey’eng’s involvement came to mind at first, but I quickly discarded the idea as I remembered this sword was thousands upon thousands of years old, with many different Champions from Equus; pegasi had feathered wings, as did griffons, not everything had to concern that old rust-bucket.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I breathed.

“Simply mesmerising…” Rarity sighed back, gazing at the relic with sparkles in her eyes.

Without any threats nearby, I decided that it was about time I strengthened my soul for the first time; although I had no idea what to expect, I had the slightest hunch that it wouldn’t feel pleasant. After explaining to Rarity what I was about to do, she sat back and watched with anticipation.

Gripping the handle tightly, I closed my eyes and cleared my thoughts, and then mentally willed the sword to transfer the souls within to my own; akin to the healing process, the sword reacted to my wishes almost instantaneously, and began to glow brighter than usual. The orb which rested at the top of the hilt shone a brilliant white as it erased the memory and consciousness of the souls within, completely eradicating their existence and refining them into pure mana.
The mana then seeped out of the sphere and into the handle, where it was then absorbed through my hand and into my body, my veins glowed faintly beneath my skin as the mana travelled up my arm and into my chest, where it spread outwards to merge with my very being. My vision changed as even my eyes were affected by the adaptation, white and blue swirling patterns took up the majority of my sight as the mana passed into my eyeballs.

“Gah…” I gasped faintly as the alterations began to take place.

The sensation I felt could only be described as strong growing pains, mixed in with severe nettle rash; all of my muscles began to ache heavily, and my skin seared from head to toe as my entire body had to adjust to permanently containing a larger amount of energy. Soon enough, the sensation faded, and everything returned to normal; the bright glow that Vitra ‘Aku normally emitted was far dimmer, no longer carrying the souls’ energy.

“Well, that was certainly something to behold. Are you alright, dear?” Rarity inquired, lightly touching me.

“I think so, but that felt bloody weird…” I breathed, blinking rapidly.

“Did it hurt? You appeared to be in pain, and your eyes were glowing.”

“My eyes were glowing!?”

Rarity nodded, and explained how it quite literally looked as though my eyeballs had been replaced with balls of white light for a few seconds.

“Well that sounds epic.” I stated, thrilled at the concept of having glowing eyes.

“It was quite the spectacle, I must admit.”

“Man, if I get the opportunity to do that again, please take a picture.” I requested.

Rarity chuckled, but before she could reply, our conversation was cut short. Twilight contacted me via the collar, signalling that they had reached the surface and that Pinkie was about to launch her flarework. I relayed the information to Rarity and ordered her to look across the desert on the left side of the car, while I looked across the right, that way it would be impossible to miss.

“Right, keep an eye out, it should go up any second now…”

“Don’t worry, darling, we’ll spot it.”

And spot it we did, and what a sight it was.
Glistening almost as bright as the sun itself, a flickering ball of light shot upward from beyond a dune in the distance, surrounded by smaller flares of various colours; reds, yellows, pinks, greens, dozens of fireballs flung out from the main flashing sphere. It was like an entire firework factory had caught fire, needless to say, it was very much impossible to miss, even in the light of day.

{Excuse me? Mister human? Can you see the enormous mass of light?} Twilight teased.

{Alright, alright, I stand corrected.} I replied dully.

Turning on the car once more, I trundled along towards the magnificent display, the jeep’s four-by-four design and large wheels made short work of the sand below, not many vehicles made for civilians could handle such terrain quite like a Land Rover Defender.

“I must say, I’m rather alarmed that Pinkie Pie had such a potent item in her possession. Contained within her mane of all places!” Rarity chuckled nervously.

“The thought that crosses my mind, is what else does she have stored in there?” I replied.

We both laughed loudly upon deciding it was for the best that such a mystery remained unsolved, and that for all we knew, a shard of the Titan’s Orb could be dwelling upon her head.



It took about ten minutes to reach the girls, it was both relieving and refreshing to see their bright colours once more. I turned off the engine, hopped out, and ran straight into Rainbow Dash’s embrace; the others joined in and I found myself at the centre of a girly group hug, (although I wasn’t complaining).

“Gosh, it sure is glad to see you both back in one piece!” Applejack exclaimed.

“And so soon, for that matter!” Twilight joined in.

“Yeah, we most certainly got lucky with finding a car so soon.” I agreed, pointing to the Landie.

“It looks so awesome, almost exactly like your brother’s one!” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

Everyone agreed, the only main difference was the colour, Oliver’s one was a dark olive green, while this one was a light tan, lightly sprayed with brighter yellow to help the vehicle blend in with the sandy environment.

“So, did you like my flarework? Did you? Did you? Huh, huh, huh?” Pinkie squealed.

The pink mare hopped around me, eager for my approval.

“Pinkie, it was incredible, I loved it!” I cheered, (a little over-enthusiastically in order to humour her).

Squealing with delight, she skittered around in the sand, gleefully kicking up clusters as she went.

{Attention whore.} I thought playfully.

{Callum!} Twilight thought back, shocked.

My eyes widening, I looked over at the unicorn to see her raising an eyebrow at me; shrugging innocently with a sheepish grin, I saw no need to continue wearing the collar as we were now in close proximity, and removed the accessory.

{Ha ha! I’m free to think at my own liberty, fuck you, Book Horse!}

Twilight tilted her head with confusion, at long last, unable to read my mind. Deciding to assist her in removing her own collar, I walked over to her and lent a hand while Rarity led the others to the back of the car, showing them all where they would be sitting during the journey.

“Thanks, it was starting to bother me.”

“No problem, Twi.”

Placing both collars into her satchel, we both went over to the car and prepared to properly embark.

“Why is there blood on the floor?” Fluttershy reluctantly asked.

“Decoration.” I bluntly replied, grinning.

“We ran into some trouble, but thankfully neither of us got hurt.” Rarity truthfully responded.

“Neither of us got hurt!? Rarity, I got shot!”

“WHAT!?” Everyone yelled in unison.

Rolling my eyes, I explained how we’d bumped into some gun-wielding ruffians during our search, and that I was shot in the shoulder by one of them, nearly killing me. Before they could all freak out, I elaborated on how I’d used Vitra ‘Aku to heal myself.

“Whoa, you actually harnessed its power? You truly are the Champion…” Twilight breathed.

“That’s not all, I’ve witnessed him strengthening his soul.” Rarity gloated.

Her eyes nearly bulging right out of their sockets, Twilight zipped towards me in awe.

“I’ve only read of legends of such a thing…”

I couldn’t help but nervously laugh at her fangirling, slightly embarrassed.

“Well, next time I acquire some souls, I’ll do it again for you.” I offered.

Nodding energetically, Twilight looked up at me with a seething mass of questions.

“Do you feel different at all? More alert? Stronger? Smarter?”

“Honestly, not really.” I answered truthfully.

“Hm, perhaps it’s too subtle. Next time, you should store a whole cluster of souls before strengthening, then you might be able to notice a difference.” She instructed.

“I’ll do my best.” I replied, rolling my eyes with amusement.

“Hey dorks, can we go please? Burning up over here!” Rainbow moaned.

Remembering that we were all stood in the scorching desert, Twilight and I hopped into the car and I revved up the engine, it was time to get out of here. Reaching into my own bag, I retrieved my compass, and placed it on the dashboard until it confidently pointed in a particular direction, which happened to be south; after turning the car to face west, I turned in my seat to brief my passengers, whom were all contentedly sat upon the metal benches on either side of the cargo storage.

“Ladies and jelly-spoons, this is your captain speaking. We are about to embark upon our journey, but before we depart, I’d like to remind you all to keep your limbs inside the vehicle at all times.
Smoking and the consumption of alcohol is also not permitted on this vessel, if you are caught performing either of these activities, you will be removed immediately.
There are no toilets located on this particular model, so if you need to use the loo, please notify a member of staff so that we can pull over. Please refrain from relieving yourselves within the vehicle, nobody wants to be dowsed in shit, other than Applejack of course, whom is a filthy southerner.”

“Hey now!” Applejack growled.

Once Rainbow Dash stopped screaming with laughter, I resumed.

“In the case of an emergency, please do not panic, nobody here wants to hear your screams of terror as you rapidly approach death. Instead, I implore you to simply place your head between your legs and kiss your bum goodbye. I understand this may be difficult for Twilight, considering that she’s about as flexible as the pencils she writes with.”

“Hey, I can get between my legs just fine!” Twilight protested.

“Yeah, only because no one else does!” Rainbow Dash yelled at the top of her lungs.

The laughter reached a new height, as everyone howled and hooted loudly, poor Twilight however was clearly feeling quite uncomfortable with Rainbow’s remark.
Continuing my comical briefing, I came to the unicorn’s aid with a remark of my own.

“Upon the very unlikely event of a rockslide or avalanche, please use Rainbow Dash’s rear end as a shield. Take it from the hundreds of males she’s slept with, myself included, that ass can take a beating!”

Rainbow piped down instantly, while Applejack shrieked louder than the rest of the group combined, she smacked the bench repeatedly with her hoof as she belly-laughed, simply unable to contain herself. Eventually she settled down and wiped her teary eyes, and I was able to conclude my announcement.

“Thank you all very much for choosing to travel with Champion Voyages today, I hope you all have a pleasant journey. Now then, is everyone comfortable?”

“No!” They all shouted teasingly.

“Perfect!” I shouted back.

Revving the engine loudly, I took my foot off the brake and the car lurched forward.

“Fuck.” I spat, upon stalling the vehicle.

“Are we there already?” Pinkie asked.

Everyone laughed, and I restarted the car.

“Okay, for real this time!” I cheered, once again releasing my foot from the brake pedal.


After finally being able to take off properly, we sped off into the sun-baked horizon…