Train rides were always so boring. It was one thing when Spike had the girls along to keep his mind busy, or another when he had Rarity asking for small favors like getting her refreshments from the diner car. Instead, he had a guard as an escort, and not a very talkative one.
Gilded Top was a strange pony, and for Spike having been living in Ponyville for so long, that was saying something. Or was it maybe that Gilded was normal because Spike found him so strange?
“Have I been out of Ponyville for too long? A week isn’t really much time, but without the girls for laughs…”
It also was no help that the guard only gave Spike short and direct answers about anything. What he enjoyed: The Guard. What kind of books did he read: Fantasy, etc. It was only a chance remark that Spike learned the guard actually lived in the settlement. Since then, they’d been quiet.
If Spike had a mane, he’d be pulling it out in frustration.
That was almost an hour ago. While silence when Pinkie was around could be a blessing… Pinkie wasn’t around, and this guard was on edge about… something.
Clearing his throat, Spike leaned over for a better look at Gilded. “So, you live in Oasis, huh?”
“As I told you an hour ago, yes.”
“That’s cool.”
Gilded shrugged. “Depends on the time of day.”
Spike eagerly awaited the following dialogue, but after several quiet seconds the young drake let out a small huff of smoke, crossing his arms across his chest in defeat.
Conversation was natural for the young dragon, and for Gilded it was the opposite. The only distraction Spike could even consider a blessing was the occasional pony who wandered into their train car and took a seat. Idle chatter would spring up between the ponies, but there was this uneasy feeling ever since Hoover that would not stop nagging Spike. Their spacious, empty car at the rear of the train had slowly gained more ponies, a new one joining them every half hour or so.
But they hadn’t made another stop in nearly four hours.
“Do you think ponies are joining us because we’re so quiet?” Spike voiced his thought out loud, not expecting a response and more so for his own self musings.
Gilded glanced down at Spike beside him. “You noticed too, huh? Perceptive.”
Spike raised a brow. “Well, I know there’s a sleeper car normally on the train, maybe it got full.”
Gilded casually leaned down towards Spike’s ear.
“Spike, Nowhere is the last stop, and there’s never more than half a dozen ponies on the train by now. Something’s up.”
The scales on Spike’s back began to tingle. “Do you really think so?”
Gilded nodded. “Yeah, just don’t make it obvious we noticed. I’m working on an exit strategy if this goes bad.”
Spike fought hard not to look at anypony directly.
“Wait, if I try to ignore them, would that give us away too?”
“What should I do?” Spike gulped.
“Just as I do. Look forward and watch the paint dry.”
Suddenly, Gilded’s quiet demeanor was beginning to make sense. “Right.”
“But also pay attention to any movements in your peripheral.”
“Okay.”
“And please stop with the nervous twitching in your legs. If they didn’t know we were onto them now, then they will soon.”
Spike looked down to his legs, and instantly froze the two appendages.
Silence once again overtook the train car, save for a mare and stallion happily conversing two rows ahead.
Coughing into his claw, Spike turned again to Gilded, but froze as he noticed the stallion’s eyes focused on a single point, his ears turned ahead.
He followed Gilded’s gaze, and picked up on the sound of something coming from the car ahead. It was an obvious sound if you focused on it, but everypony else seemed to ignore it.
“Hey, do you hear that?”
Spike looked two rows ahead, where the mare and stallion were talking. The mare was sitting up straight, looking at the door much like Gilded.
“I thought I heard somepony shouting up ahead.”
The stallion seated with her patted her shoulder. “It was nothing, probably just the train.”
“No, no I know I heard something.” Then she looked over to Spike and Gilded. “Hey, you’re a guard! Did you hear that?”
“Really now, you don’t need to-” the stallion was cut off by the mare.
“Well? Did you?”
Spike looked up to Gilded seated beside him, the stallion sitting still as a board, left ear aiming at the mare while the other continued to focus ahead.
“Well?” She rose out of her seat. “Guard, did you hear me?”
That was when the train car jerked, causing Spike to tumble out of his seat and onto the floor. All at once, chaos broke out as the mare too found herself to the floor. Before Spike could react, Gilded was overtop of him in a crouched stance as one of the ponies dove at them.
“It’s an ambush!”
Spike looked up in confusion. “What? Why?”
“Does it matter?”
Suddenly the mare screamed, and both Spike and Gilded looked over to find her being held against the train wall by the stallion she had been talking with before.
“What are you doing!? Ivory, stop, you’re hurt-”
Spike watched in horror as the mare’s pupils shrank, ears turned back, and her tail tucked up against her. Her mouth was open, jaw working as she tried to scream, but couldn’t find her voice.
And then the stallion, Ivory, turned to look at Gilded, then down at Spike with a fanged grin.
“Changelings.”
Spike gulped. “Plural?”
Then Spike noticed the rest of the dozen or so passengers standing on the bench seats, or in the aisles, glaring at them both.
The train car was beginning to slow down, and the sinking feeling in Spike’s gut only grew heavier as he recognized this feeling. The car had been detached, and they were now drifting on the rail. Only this time, he suspected there would be no buffalo to spoil him.
All around them, all the ponies began flashing green, only leaving Ivory and the mare who had fainted at some point.
“No… not fainted.”
As he was distracted, the changeling had bitten into the mare’s neck, knocking her out with a dose of poison from its fangs.
“Spike, we are completely surrounded. Do you have anything they may want that we could use as some sort of leverage?”
Before the dragon could answer, Ivory chuckled.
“On the contrary, Guard, it is you that has something that we want.”
He then pointed at Spike.
“The drake, for the mare.”
“No way in Tartarus,” Gilded snarled.
Ivory looked back at the mare, then letting her go, returned to all four of his hooves.
Spike watched as the limp mare fell to the floor in a heap, breathing slow, quiet breaths.
“Very well. We’ll just take you both.”
----------
Slowly, Rarity awoke to the intense pounding of a ticking clock beside her. The bed was strange, foreign, not her own nor the one in Sunny’s. The ticking of the clock wasn’t subtle, much like her travel clock. Her eyes struggled to grab onto anything, and following her ears, she looked to the table beside the massive bed. The face was round, white background with black numbers. The arms were also black, but had a strange, dim green glow to them so they stood out in the darkness.
The numbers weren’t very clear to her, but the arm positions told her it was either eight thirty, or six forty.
Either way, she wanted to go back to sleep, curl up beside-
She froze, eyes widening.
“Right… we had sex.”
This was Thomas Baker’s bedroom. While everything here was odd, the only oddity worth noting was the lack of one Mister Baker.
She sat up on the bed, covers still draped over her left shoulder, and scanned the room. The bedroom door was open, hallway mostly dark, save for a strange blue light reflecting off the white plaster walls.
Shifting on the bed, she found her legs, flanks, and her sensitive bits all sore from an active night. As much as she wanted to mull over and dwell on the lack of a real afterglow as she’d normally be experiencing, her alcohol consumption last night hadn’t helped.
Slowly, groggily, she uncovered herself, and the smell of sweat and sex blew up in the room.
“Oh my, do I need a bath.”
Stepping down, her magic flared and she quickly made the bed with its current coverings. She didn’t feel up to digging through his bedroom for clean ones, and if she were allowed to believe he were anything civilized, he’d change them on his own.
“Hopefully, or else he’s much more of a slob than I thought.”
The air was cool, hints of desert dust lingering about as she stepped out of Thomas’ bedroom and gawped about.
“I could go downstairs and freshen up, or…”
There was a blue light coming from the store room. Where Trixie had said she would be sleeping. Where only yesterday, Trixie had taken her in to listen to ghostly voices of Thomas’ past that haunted him every day.
Rarity stomped her raised hoof, and without another thought, turned right and entered the store room.
The floor was still riddled with empty liquor bottles, the little red light was still flashing on the voice box, but one thing was different.
The black box in which Rainbow had seen yesterday. The glass was giving off a blue glow and a green ‘03’ was motionless in the upper right corner.
And then, just in front of that, was Thomas Baker, the human, sitting on the floor naked save for a pair of undergarments covering his unmentionables. Leaning against his recliner chair, he seemed to slump to his left. As Rarity walked closer she took notice of another thing.
Trixie was sleeping on the recliner, her head was resting atop of Thomas’, and her tail was wrapped around the human’s bare chest like she was hugging him, or trying to keep him warm.
With a faint smile, Rarity gently, and as quietly as she could, walked back out and into Thomas’ bedroom, where she grabbed his blanket.
Then she paused, sniffed it, her, and other foul scents and decided to risk looking for a cleaner one. Replacing the blanket onto the bed, she opened the closet, moving aside the strange black case adorned with what looked like natural wildlife. Rabbits, pheasants, and even foxes. The grouping was strange with the addition of a couple of deer. An odd group of creatures to show off on a guitar case-
“No, wait, it’s too narrow for a guitar. Something else, perhaps?”
It was heavy, and for better or worse, her curiosity was at an all time high since meeting the woodworker.
Four latches adorned one of the long edges, and opposite of that was a long hinge, so she laid it down so that the wide side was on the ground. Another flare of magic, and all four latches flipped open, and she opened the case.
What greeted her was… strange. Two objects took up most of the space, with foam acting as a cushion around them. Both were long with tubular ends, one being much larger than the other. The larger tubed object had two pieces of wood on it, one mid way, the other on the back half.
Or possibly front half, she wasn’t sure.
The other was nearly a silver color, and had wood taking up most of it, besides a black rectangle that stuck out from the center of the wood.
She rested a hoof on the black part of the first one, and found it cold to the touch. Metal, and she suspected the other was similar. So just what were these things?
“Another mystery to add to the ever building puzzle.”
She closed the case, lingered on it another moment, then placed it standing up again against a wall. She opened the closet and found a stack of small quilts right away, and grabbing one she quickly returned to the store room.
With her magic, she opened up the quilt and was about to cover the two when her hoof kicked something. Looking down, it was a strange white rectangle piece of cardstock, hollowed out, with colorful art and printing on it.
“What are you doing?”
Startled, Rarity let out a small yelp, dropping the blanket over Trixie and Thomas.
With her own flare of magic, Trixie pulled down the quilt from over her head, ignoring Thomas as she looked at Rarity.
“I’m- I’m sorry, darling. I just thought maybe you two were cold, it is a bit drafty in here, and… what are you doing?”
Trixie pulled the blanket from her muzzle. “Sniffing it. Wanted to make sure it wasn’t the one you two slept on.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Please, like I’d be so rude.”
“Well, it’s something Trixie would do.”
Rarity opened her mouth to remark, but stopped, and instead looked away.
“Wow, is that compassion Trixie sees? Or self control?”
“Both,” Rarity growled.
Trixie smiled. “Well, Trixie thanks you for the thought, but she was about to get up anyway. Trixie can only take the smell of sex for so long before it becomes unpleasant.”
“When it is not her own?”
Ignoring the remark and with a kick of her hooves, the blanket was sent flying from both Trixie and Thomas, the latter not even noticing as he continued to snooze away.
“Quite the heavy sleeper isn’t he, hm?”
Trixie jumped from the chair, causing it to rock back and forth, and still Thomas didn’t react, only kicking one of his legs out and smacking his lips.
“Princess Celestia herself could smother him with her big flanks and he’d still sleep through it.”
Rarity let out an unlady like snort of laughter, and Trixie smiled.
“At least you have some sort of funny bone in there.”
“No, I shouldn’t laugh at something like that. I know the Princess personally!”
Trixie raised a brow.
“What?” Rarity raised a hoof to her chest. “One does not make fun of those she sees as a dear friend.”
“Of course not, yet sex with a stranger is on the table of things you will do.”
Rarity’s smile faltered, and before she could speak Trixie turned to walk away.
“Trixie, wait.”
“There is nothing you can say to me that I don’t already know, so don’t flatter yourself with an apology, or dare insult me with whatever else you could think up.”
Rarity was quick to follow the mare outside of the room, then down the stairs towards the Employee only door, watching as the magician’s tail gave a flick with each step. Entering the shop proper, Trixie opened a simple wooden door to reveal a small bathroom.
“Trixie suggests you get cleaned up first.”
Rarity raised a brow.
“You stink.”
Shaking her head, Rarity began walking inside. “Such a flatterer.”
“Anything to get rid of the smell. Trixie can wait.”
“We could help each other bathe, you know. Help speed things up.”
Trixie let out a loud guffaw of laughter, and with a shake of her head marched away. “Just don’t take too long. Trixie is sure your friends will be here shortly.”
Rarity watched the mare go, an unsure look upon her face, and an uneasy feeling in her barrel. With hesitation, she closed the door, and began running the bath water.
----------
Trixie marched back up the stairs, hesitating at the doorway leading to Thomas’ bedroom. The smell still lingered, but with a curious glance, she noticed the bed had been made.
“A Hagity thing, perhaps. After a romp, she cleans up.”
The last time she and Thomas had… shared a moment, they’d broken the headboard of his bed. With an amused smile, she could still see her teeth marks.
“A reminder for the fool.”
Continuing her walk, she entered the storage room again, and the blue glow of the screen drew her in. Her memory was a tad hazy, but she remembered the important parts of the film he’d shared with her. A first, and here I thought he was all out of surprises.
She looked at the human, and slowly her frown shifted from forced to natural. What he had shown her last night… it was a very vulnerable moment for him, and she still struggled with the idea of Thomas crying to be a real thing. But he did, and she had, and she’d seen the footage of a happier time, with family and friends.
She had known how things ended thanks to the voice box. Now, with the added motion picture box, she knew how things began.
How he could just cast it all aside for a one night stand was beyond her. Back on his home world, with her in years past, and now last night with the white mare.
“What do I care about anyway? Not like I have anything towards him.”
There was a sudden knocking of wood from downstairs, and rolling her eyes Trixie already knew what was about to happen. She turned to leave, but then saw Thomas let out a shudder. The quilt Rarity had brought in lay in a pile beside him.
“Idiot,” she mumbled, and began walking away.
A few seconds later, a light blue glow tugged at the corner of the blanket and haphazardly covered the mostly naked man, who’s thank you was a long, drawn out passage of gas.
----------
As Rarity dried her mane and tail, she’d heard a ruckus from outside the door, possibly in the sales room of Mister Baker’s shop. She had a pretty good guess as to what, or whom, it could be, and when the bathroom door started rattling with a familiar hard knock, she knew this was only the beginning.
“I’ll be out in a moment, darling!”
“See! Trixie told you she was in there,” the magician’s voice rang out.
“How long ‘as she been in there?” Applejack’s voice was next.
“How does Trixie know? She does not keep track of the hag!”
Another knock. “Rarity! Get on out here, we have to have a talk.”
The way she said talk left Rarity with a shudder down her spine, like she had been caught by Granny Smith in Big Macintosh’s room. With Big Macintosh.
“Some things Applejack must never know.”
She didn’t have the time to properly dry her mane and tail. She gave herself a quick pat down with a clean towel she exited the bathroom, and found herself surrounded by her four friends: Trixie, and a very irate Applejack, who she would consider a friend on normal times.
Right now, Applejack stood outside the bathroom door like her mother had after her high school prom.
Disappointed.
“Now Applejack, really, must you be so rude? My mane and tail need time to dry still, and you’re out here banging on the door like a savage! Have you any manners?”
“Manners!? Try morals, and get back with me!”
“What are you suggesting?” Rarity said evenly.
“How could you go off and just screw a man like Thomas Baker?”
“Oh, so just to be clear, this isn’t a species thing, this is a character thing?” asked Trixie.
“Exactly!” Applejack looked to the light blue unicorn. “You ‘nd Thomas I can get, but Rarity!?” Applejack pointed at her friend.
“What’s that supposed to mean!?” both Rarity and Trixie shouted at once.
“It’s easy to tell that Trixie and Thomas have gone at it, and yet you go and claim him too? Girl, what’s gotten into you?”
With a huff, Rarity pushed past her friends and walked into the store, Trixie following close behind, nose up.
“Now you get back here!” Applejack charged after them.
The other four mares slowly followed in stunned silence, although Rainbow was grinning ear to ear.
Applejack stormed into the store, but noticed the immediate lack of her white friend. Hearing a polite cough, she turned to her left and saw Rarity sitting against the wall. The unicorn was using a combination of her magic and hooves to air out her hair, and a comb brush procured from the unknown was working on her tail.
“Darling, why ever are you having such a fuss over a little thing such as sex? Just because you decided to wait until marriage does not mean other ponies have to as well.”
Flushed red, Applejack shook her head. “Don’t go tryin’ ta change the topic!”
“Wait, Applejack’s a virgin?” Rainbow asked aloud, and was promptly hushed by Fluttershy’s wings.
Ignoring the outburst, Applejack pressed on. “And besides, you know that’s not what I mean! It’s clear as day, we all see it, hay I know you do!”
“See what?”
“Well… you know…”
“No, darling, I do not, that’s why I’m asking.”
Applejack looked over to a skeptical-looking Trixie, then quickly stepped to Rarity to whisper in her ear.
Rarity’s eyes went big. “No!”
“Yes!” Applejack said louder.
Rarity raised a hoof to her forehead, mock fainting as she cried out, “Oh how foolish of a mare I’ve been! Blinded by lust, my own carnal desires blinding me to the truth!”
Then like a light switch, Rarity brought her hoof back to the floor with a clop, and gave Applejack a very even stare. “What do you take me for, a fool?”
Applejack innocently blinked.
----------
Thomas Baker woke up with a splitting headache, a slight cramp in his left leg, itchy balls, and strangely warm. When he forced his eyes open, a blue light glared at him, causing him to squint at the television screen.
“The Hell?” he mused out loud, then realizing he was on the floor, began to sit up, tossing the quilt away.
The previous night was mostly a blur, but there were still fragments that came out clear. Reaching over to turn off the television, he spared a glance around the room, searching for anything significant to hint him of his late night activities. There was a pang of guilt when he noticed the discarded Polaroid VHS sleeve.
“I should know better. A mare like Trixie wouldn’t understand. After sex she’d always…”
And suddenly, a stray thought halted his line of thinking. He looked down at his nearly naked self, then to the traces of light blue fur on the recliner. Resting his hand on the seat, he was surprised to find a hint of warmth still lingered. If she slept here, then who…?
Then it hit him, and his eyes widened with realization.
“Oh shit, I shagged a national hero.”
With a defeated sigh, he grabbed the quilt, wrapped up in the warmth, and began his slow walk of shame out into the hall. He contemplated entering his room to change underwear, and possibly put on clothes, but the smell was abundantly clear and it made his head swim. So instead he continued along and down the stairs, following the several female voices as they talked back and forth.
“No shouting or breaking furniture, so that’s a good sign.”
He crept down the stairs as silently as he could, and then looked out, hugging the wall.
Rarity was sitting under his chalkboard, trying not to push herself against it, as her five friends all gave her disappointing looks. Even Trixie wasn’t smiling, and for some strange reason that errant thought left Thomas confused.
“Does she feel sorry for her?”
With a sigh, he stepped out and towards the stove. None of the mares seemed to take notice as they continued to belittle the white mare.
“We were both consenting adults, Applejack, really. I’m scared of what you’ll say or do when Applebloom finds a stallion,” Rarity said, on the defensive.
“Don’t you dare say such things! She will be a filly forever, and never have to touch a boy.”
Rainbow shrugged. “I dunno, I’ve seen her hanging out with Rumble here and there.”
“Rumble? Thunderlane’s little brother?” Applejack blinked. “I guess I’ma have to go find Papa’s gelding irons.”
Thomas made the mistake of releasing a snicker as he began preparing coffee to brew. All at once, he felt seven sets of eyes bore into the back of his skull. He attempted to adjust the blanket so it hugged around his neck, but it did little to comfort him.
“I can’t believe you!”
It was Applejack who spoke first, and he could hear the harder than necessary hoof steps come towards him.
“Do you have any morals? Any at all?”
Thomas turned around to face the irate orange mare. Then he flicked a finger towards Trixie.
“For the record, the fact that me and Trixie have gone at it a few times? No, nor should you all be very surprised.”
“Thomas! How dare you say such things!”
It was everypony else’s turn to be surprised when all eyes refocused on Rarity.
“While I know our… unusual fling might leave an awful taste in one’s mouth, you shouldn’t dismiss a mare like that.”
“Hey, I probably don’t taste that bad,” argued Thomas.
“Oh. My. Celestia,” Twilight said with an exaggerated smack of her face.
“Thomas, hush darling, I have something I need to say, and I’m going to say it now that my friends have spoken their piece.”
“No we haven’t,” Applejack shot back.
“Well, enough of their piece that is.” Rarity brushed herself off with a hoof, adjusted her still drying mane, and stood tall and proud. “I have a very good reason for last night’s activities, and you should all understand them well.”
“This should be good,” Rainbow said, accompanied with eye rolling.
“I was quite horny.”
Everyone blinked at the same time.
“Honestly, I would have just said drunk, but that’s as good of a reason as any,” Thomas said with a shrug, which caused the quilt to fall to the floor, revealing his nearly naked self.
Pinkie Pie was quick to cover Fluttershy’s eyes, while everypony else stared in awe.
“He’s… so….”
“Hah!” Rainbow laughed. “He’s got a beer gut!”
“Hey, I do not!” Thomas grabbed at his stomach, only to recoil with horror at the bit of flab his hands latched onto. “Oh no. My masculinity!” Thomas fake cried, then with a dour expression turned around to pour a cup of coffee, then took a seat in his chair, kicking his bare feet up onto the table.
Taking a long sip, he sighed, then looked at the ponies again.
“Huh, déjà vu.”
“So that was it then? Just a quick romp, nothin’ else to it?”
Rarity rolled her eyes at her cowpony friend. “Applejack, darling, please calm yourself. There was nothing to it. I had a particular… itch.”
“Not from me, anyway,” Thomas mumbled loudly.
Both Rainbow and Pinkie let out a snicker, while Fluttershy’s ears continued to be red with embarrassment, and her eyes still covered by the baker’s hooves.
“Besides,” Thomas continued, “this isn’t any of your business. Hell, not even Trixie’s, all things considered.”
Trixie let out a huff.
Applejack looked to the blue unicorn. “Well by how you two were walkin’ after him, I expected ya to join ‘em.”
“Puh-lease, Trixie does not share with other mares. She is a solo act” -after a moment- “Trixie admits that sounded better in her head.”
“Ya think?” Applejack said.
“So what, did we just all wake up early, storm into Thomas’ shop, had a collective moment of disappointment that one of our friends screwed an alien, all for nothing?”
Everypony looked to the outspoken Rainbow Dash, then Rarity, with the white mare shrugging.
“It would appear so.”
Groaning, Rainbow rubbed her forehead. “I hate this stupid place.”
“Then leave,” Thomas said.
“Well, actually, now we can’t.”
Everypony looked to Twilight.
“Not that what we’ve all seen here isn’t conclusive enough, we still have a few more days, and I got a letter this morning that Spike was on his way.”
“Ooooh, my little Spikey Wikey! But wait, whatever for?”
“He was going to return to Ponyville, but found out we all came out here so wanted to join us. I’m having… second thoughts about it, but it’s too late now. If my calculations are correct, he should be here sometime this afternoon.”
“Well then while you’re at it, you can all hop on the train with him and beat it.”
Twilight let out a sigh. “Thomas, respectably, I understand you don’t like us here.”
“Except Rarity!” Pinkie cheered.
“But we have a job to do, and you’re… well…”
Thomas lifted a hand and began counting. “Handsome, intelligent, amazing in bed-”
Both Trixie and Rarity let slip a mocking laugh, then both looked at each other with blushes.
“-skilled at what I do, and above all else an alien, yeah, I can understand wanting a go at me, but really I’m tired and still very hungover.”
Twilight blinked, staring at the human, as the tips of her mane and tail began to smoke.
“Uh oh,” said everypony else, including Trixie.
----------
Swift Delivery hummed to himself as he lazily flapped along just above the dirt path, only stopping to touch the ground outside of Thomas’ shop. He put his face into his mail pouch, pulling out a couple of letters, and was about to walk up the steps when the door burst open and a nearly naked human crashed into him.
Mail was scattered everywhere, and Swift found himself under the human in a very compromising position. It was only natural for the lanky stallion to scream like a little filly.
----------
All seven mares stepped onto the porch, looking down at the flailing pegasus while Thomas tried to stand.
Twilight Sparkle, for her part, had some distance between herself and the others, as her mane and tail still smoked.
“Really, Trixie can’t believe he said that to Twilight, of all ponies.”
And suddenly, the fire went out and the princess looked on in confusion. “Hey, what does that mean?”
“Trixie is just saying that she finds it appalling the low life could blatantly flirt with you not twenty four hours after already screwing one of your friends.”
“It was a joke!” Thomas cried, laying on his back in the dirt, nursing his chest where a set of horse shoe rings marked a bruise.
Swift stuck to his namesake, quickly dropping the two letters onto Thomas’ bare chest, and made a hasty retreat.
“Um, can somepony please remove Pinkie’s hooves? I still don’t know what’s going on,” asked Fluttershy.
Trixie chose the moment to walk down the steps, and paused at the human. “Serves you right.” And then she marched towards Sunny Side’s to start her morning shift.
Slowly, one by one, the rest of the mane six made their departure, all giving pause next to Thomas with a shake of their head, save for Twilight who also added a rushed apology in before trotting after her friends.
Thomas continued to stare upward at the sky, watching a lone cloud drift in the blue expanse, half naked in the middle of the road.
Sheriff Copper Top’s face suddenly blocked out the sunlight, casting a frown down at the human.
“You just couldn’t keep it in your pants, could you?”
“I’m not wearing any pants.”
“Well ain’t that obvious.”
“For the record, she wanted it as well as me. We were also pretty drunk.”
“You’re always pretty drunk.”
“I take offense to that. I’m usually drunk.”
Next it was Bob’s face to enter Thomas’ vision, his head bandage gone.
“Oh not you too, Bob.”
The changeling gave a single nod.
“Look, you’re married, so you’re legally obligated to only have one girl to screw. I’m divorced, a bachelor, lost in an alien world. It’s my civic duty as a human male to fuck anything that is warm, pink on the inside, and can talk.”
Next Mayor Billfold’s face entered the picture. “Really, Thomas, have you no morals?”
Thomas slapped his forehead, sending his letters flying.
“I just don’t get why you’re all making such a big deal out of this.”
“Because,” Sunny Side’s face completed the picture above Thomas, “we all know what’s really up in that noggin’ of yours, Tom. You’re just too dense of an idiot to accept it.
“Also, please button up your boxers. Your junk is hanging out, and it’s just… sad.”
Thomas sighed, and did as asked.
----------
Six mares of varying attitudes stood on the small platform that was the unloading dock for Nowhere, and in extension, Oasis. They could see the train for miles, and were all eager to see their favorite little drake.
“Do you think he had a good time in the Crystal Empire?” asked Fluttershy.
“Well duh! He’s Spike the Brave and Glorious! He was probably showered in gemstones and treated like a prince!” Pinkie said with multiple bounces in place.
“Yes, I suppose so. I still worry for him, all alone like that.”
Twilight wrapped a wing around Rarity, drawing her into a hug. “Me too, but he’s grown so much. We… I need to give him space from time to time.”
They continued with silence as they watched the train approach, however a pony in the engine was eagerly waving his hooves at them.
“That’s weird,” Applejack voiced.
Twilight nodded, spreading her wings and took off down the tracks. All of her friends watched as she flew alongside the engine, occasionally wobbling in the air as the stallion talked to her. Suddenly they could see Twilight recoil, and fly back towards them with speed.
She landed on the platform with a skid, nearly topling if Rainbow hadn’t anticipated and caught her.
“Easy there, what’s going on?”
Twilight gasped for breath. “The engineer says the last car and the caboose on the train came disconnected, they’re back a good ten or so miles. Nopony noticed until they were so far away, and they couldn’t go back. He knew we were here, and figured we’d be waiting.”
“That’s lucky,” Applejack said.
“Extremely. Come on, girls, let's go!”
“Won’t it take us forever? You’ve got wings, maybe the three of you should go ahead? We’ll go back to town for help?” Rarity asked.
“Ahem.”
All six mares looked behind them at the coach, and the pony hitched to the front.
“Road Rage? Aren’t you, like, in trouble or something?” Asked Rainbow.
“Eh, Mayor gets his tie-in a bunch once in a while. You just gotta know how to deal with him. Now, sounds like you mares need to get somewhere in a hurry?”
----------
Road Rage kept to his promise, stomping his hooves into the dust covered ground with breakneck speed that even impressed Rainbow Dash for a stallion of his small size.
They found the passenger car and caboose still together, looking relatively intact.
The six mares climbed out, approaching with caution and worry. Twilight’s horn glowed, spells forming just in case, as Rarity used her own magic to open the door. Carefully, Twilight entered first, hesitantly stepping up and into the car propper.
“Spike? Spiiiiike?” she called out.
The car was completely empty. A few cases of luggage still rested in the upper case rails, but nothing seemed to be disturbed. A search of the car showed nothing else worth noting. They even found Spike’s carry case, attached to a Royal Guard’s station trunk with the name Top, Gilded painted on top.
“I think that’s Copper’s son, ain’t it?” Applejack asked.
“Yes.” Twilight lifted the luggage, inspecting it. “It doesn’t seem to have been messed with.”
“How odd.”
Everypony looked to Rarity, who was, of all things, snooping into the rest of the luggage.
“What is it, Rares?” Applejack approached.
Rarity pointed to the open suitcase in front of her. “Look, this one, as well as almost all the other luggage cases, are just… empty.”
“Empty? What, ponies steal out of them?”
Rarity shook her head. “No, look in the corners. They’re… moldy. Old, like they have been sitting abandoned for ages. All except for this one, and you can tell it was a mare’s.”
One case held several summer dresses, make up, and a small thermos.
“That is odd. You’d think they’d take the thermos if they were gonna go walking for help.”
“Or a mare to take a sun hat.” Rarity floated out the clothing, inspecting it. “Calvin Klop. Not a cheap hat by any means.”
Rainbow scratched her mane. “So, what, everypony on board just… disappeared? Taking most of their stuff out of their suitcases, leaving a few, and what? Started walking?”
“Any sensible pony would’a followed the tracks,” Applejack pointed out. “Twi, I don’t like this.”
“Neither do I. However, I don’t see anything else worth noting here. Come on, let's take these three cases and go back to Oasis. We need to send Princess Celestia a letter.”
All six mares disembarked, noticing Road Rage was unhooked and inspecting the forward coupling of the car.
“Did you girls find anything?”
Most shook their heads. Twilight levitated the three cases. “All of the luggage on board, save for a mare’s case, my assistant Spike’s bag, and a guard’s trunk. Gilded Top, that’s the sheriff’s son, correct?”
Road Rage flinched, nodding gently. “Yeah, that’s not good.” He then turned to point at the coupling. “Some… thing went and melted the latch on the coupling. This was deliberate.”
“Some thing?” asked Rarity.
“Well, usually we see this kinda thing from changelings, but they’re not so smart as to clean up after themselves. Last time this happened, oh, five years ago, the train car was a mess and their green goo was all over.
“This is too clean.”
“Changelings? Are you sure?”
Road Rage huffed a laugh. “We got Bob, what other proof ya want?”
“That’s not good.”
“Ooooh, my poor Spikey Wikey!”
“Rest easy, Rares. He’s a big boy. He’ll handle himself fine. Plus he’s got a guard with ‘im. We just need some leads.”
“Would Bob know anything? About den locations, and such?” Twilight asked.
Rage scratched at his mane. “Dunno. I remember somethin’ about the last time a buncha ponies went to Bob’s old den, it was abandoned.”
“Alright. We need to get back to Oasis. Somepony has to know how to start looking.”
"They ain't here, and there ain't no point in us sticking around here neither," Applejack said, glancing at and cursing herself for blowing up at her for a stupid one night stand when something like this could happen.
"Right, we'll... we'll..." Twilight said, taking deep breaths in an attempt to stay calm. "We'll go back to town, and tell the train engineers to take a message to Nowhere. There's a guard post there."
Twilight didn't feel in control, but she at least managed to give off enough of an impression to rally Rarity and Fluttershy, who seemed the most struck by this besides herself, to rally and start acting.
They threw the bags onto the top rack of the coach, and looked back at the abandoned cars, helpless worry poisoning their nerves.
----------
When it came to the settlement of Oasis, there were a lot of ponies who just hid in the background. After all, most were there to get away from their past, or start crafting the building blocks of a new future. They didn’t always want to be noticed, or called over whenever something weird was going on. Parties held at Sunny Side’s Inn and Breakfast usually helped loosen some of these ponies up, and they’d be a little more friendly next week.
Chatty, even.
There was a sizable group of ponies currently standing around the bar, watching their resident human, still only in his boxers, trying to nurse a home-styled hangover cure, while ignoring all the eyes staring at him.
After all, bets were on how much of the vile stuff he could actually drink. Buy in was 2 bits.
Thomas’ head rested against the warm wood of the counter, polished after a rowdy night of debauchery and many spilled drinks. If this were a perfect world, he’d much rather rest his face upon stainless steel, to help cool and alleviate his pounding head. There would also be no audience, besides maybe the mortician as they made his dead body look presentable.
“I hate you all.” And he took another drink.
Sunny drew a line through one of the betting amounts written on the Special of the Day chalkboard, now repurposed for the betting pool. Sunny’s specials were so routine most ponies didn’t even need to look to know what was on the special anyway, but it did help the rare few traveling ponies, or those old folk who couldn’t even remember what day it was.
It was even rumored that some ponies liked not knowing what day it was. Or what month. Arguments would spring up from time to time about what year it really was, however whenever Thomas got involved, everything would go to shit. His calendar was off by almost a thousand years as it was.
Anymore, he was well and happy, in the shortest definition of the word, to just be ignorant to the passage of time and to have a diminishing drive to do anything that didn’t involve working, drinking, sex, or any combination of the three. Sometimes all three at once.
“There’s a saying about ponies who don’t learn from their mistakes.” Sheriff Copper Top patted Thomas’ back.
“Thank God I’m not a pony then, otherwise you’d drone on about acting my age or some other load of crap.”
“Says the one drinking distilled changeling goop to get over a hangover.”
“Once you get past the fact that this stuff comes out of one of Bob’s holes and that his wife gets a sick thrill out of watching others drink his fluids, it’s honestly worse than that.”
Sunny Side let out a huff, while Bob rubbed against his wife’s side before walking back into the kitchen.
Thomas lifted his head to take another drink, then hesitated. The ponies around him leaned in closer, nearly on the tips of their hooves. With a defeated sigh, the half empty glass was pushed away, followed by the collective sigh of most of the patrons.
Copper Top tapped the human’s shoulder once again. “There, wasn’t so bad now, was it?”
“You won the pool, didn’t you?”
He couldn’t see it, but the sheriff was grinning as he walked away to collect his winnings.
“Thieving jackass, should have just let him rot in his cell back then.”
Mayor Billfold took a seat next to the dejected Thomas. “Maybe, but then you might have never been bestowed the honor of godparent, now would you?”
“Mayor, kindly go fuck off.”
“Now now, Old Tom, we have some business to wrap up before I go make love to my wife.”
“I meant that in a figurative way, but sure.”
“Good. Now, it seems as though Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends are about wrapped up with what they came here to do.”
Flipping his head over so the right side of his face rested on the counter, Thomas looked at the mayor. “What was that again?”
“To meet our resident hero!”
“Right, and how has that gone so far?”
“Absolutely horrible.”
“I try my best, Mayor.”
“Now, before they leave, I was hoping that maybe you’d try to clean yourself up, straighten up proper, so that when they give you the Mark of Harmony award we could convince Odd Shot to get his camera out of impound and-”
Thomas cut off the stallion with a raised hand. “Hold up.” He rubbed his bleary eyes, trying to open his eyes all the way and failing. “What in Celestia’s left tit makes you think they’re even going to still give that thing to me?”
Suddenly he sat up. “Oh no, I just did a Celestiaism. I’m doomed.”
“Well they came all the way out here for you, so it would only seem right that after what you did-”
A hand wrapped around the mayor’s muzzle, silencing him.
“Look, okay, I get what you’re trying to do, and say, but honestly? I couldn’t care less.”
The mayor pushed the hand away. “But Tom, don’t you think this might be… it?”
“It?”
Mayor Billfold waved his hoof. “You know what I mean. It’s no strange thing that ponies come and go from here, but well… eventually they leave for greener pastures. Even Miss Lulamoon, although why she constantly comes back here is anypony’s guess. You’ve been here nigh ten years now. Very few of us stay that long, but of us who do, we’re… old.”
Thomas rolled his eyes. “I’m old.”
“You’re forty four, you moron. You still have a lot of time for things. Me and the missus? Copper Top? Farmer Jack? We’re here for the long haul.”
“Jack’s family is buried out on his property, he wouldn’t leave.”
“And if I step hoof back in Canterlot they’ll be fishing my body out of Lake Canterhorn in an hour. Doesn’t mean that’s the only reason why we’re here. We’re old and tired, Tom.”
“What if I am too?”
The stallion shook his head, then stepped down from the stool. “You’re just blind, my boy.”
“A blind idiot, maybe,” Sunny added.
Billfold nodded. “Yes, but he’s our blind idiot, and I for one want to see him one day reach his fullest potential, not be stuck in this damnable settlement until he’s whittled himself down to a toothpick.
“Those mares, even the one you shared a night with, are here for you. This is your moment. Now I’ve been standing idly by while you make an ass of yourself, but enough is enough. They’re out of town to meet with Her Highness’s Royal Assistant. Go home, clean up, get dressed, and be presentable for their return.”
With a flick of his tail, the Mayor made to exit.
“Did you ever think maybe they’d not give me that medal?”
The mayor froze at the door, then turned his head back.
“Since the second they got here.”
“Then why did you even write that damn letter?”
Then, the pony showed a small smile. “Like it or not, as much as we tease you, we do like you, Old Tom. Rough around the edges, but as you’ve shown us all in this past decade, it’s never anything a little sandpaper can’t polish.
“And with you, we just need a lot of sandpaper. Good thing we’re out in a desert.”
With those final words, the stallion departed from the Inn.
The quiet idle chit chat of ponies around the bar was simple background noise as Thomas continued to stare at the door. Then he felt something brush against his hand on the counter top. He looked back, and Sunny Side was resting her hoof on top of his hand and smiling. He felt her frog give a little squeeze.
“We just need a lot of sandpaper.” She smiled, then left, leaving behind a glass of water.
Thomas sighed, and took a drink. “Damn ponies.”
----------
Short Circuit wasn’t really a paranoid pony.
Well, actually yes he was, but he was a rational paranoid pony, so in his mind it was better than being irrationally paranoid. The key difference was that they usually involved a few kiloVolts and a hair dryer, but he promised the governing bodies of Nowhere that he’d never do that sort of experiment again.
So when his telegraph machine, tapped into the existing line, started going off, he twitched his clubbed hoof along when he knew what word it was already spelling out, then went quiet when he didn’t know for sure what word they were spelling out. About five words in his leg stopped, and he actually looked away from his project to watch the machine tick away.
“That’s not good.”
A message had just been sent to Nowhere. Princess Twilight Sparkle (whoever she was) just had her pet dragon foal napped, along with a royal guard and a possible unknown number of others. They were requesting guards to come to Oasis, which usually meant that two important things needed to happen.
First thing was he needed to hide all of his… less ethical experiments. He’d never called them unethical, or ethical, or any other general meaning of the expression “can it hurt you?” Everything can hurt a pony, from a harmless baseball bat to enough amps going through a limb to watch it explode into a pink mist.
For the record, that limb had been donated by a pony already dead, so it wasn’t like anypony else would be missing it.
The second thing that needed to happen was he needed to let Oasis know that something was happening, and to hide whatever they deemed unethical, which usually just meant Bob, Thomas, or a combination of the two.
So while the telegraph machine ticked away, he began packing his overnight bag, because usually by the time he’d make it to the town he’d be tired and his short leg would be bleeding from rubbing on the prosthetic.
He’d wanted to duplicate Thomas’ van in the past, but the human was adamant that he was not allowed to touch it, because while it still worked he wanted it still working, not torn apart and never to be whole again.
Just cause that one time he took apart the human’s electric coffee percolator, and now bits of it were in about five other projects. Three of those, somehow, produced coffee, but Circuit chucked that up to a “happy accident” and let it be.
As he packed, the telegraph had gone quiet, and now another message started. When the words Dust Storm Stop went over, his packing became frantic. How, or why Nowhere waited until now to report a wild sand storm was anypony’s guess. Circuit could tough it out in his shop/damn dam, but Oasis didn’t have the luxuries of such forewarning. The postal pony only came out here when he absolutely, positively, this is an emergency needed to.
This changed things.
They could last days, even weeks, depending on the severity. He might even be trapped in Oasis around… he shuddered, other ponies for more time than he cared to be around, and Thomas Baker, and that was already a minimum amount of thirty seconds.
No, maybe he could make it back in time? Just rough it out? Or he could even just leave the settlement to its own devices and not care, as was his tradition.
And then his mind went to those two strange mares, the lesbian who had to keep poking things and asking questions while being annoying. Then the rainbow pegasus who kept flapping her annoying wings everywhere when he kept telling her to stop. They were new, smelled of civilization, and apples for some reason. Actually, they both smelled like apples, but the rainbow one more like she had been rubbed all over by apples and the scent had just started to stick, while the hat one just smelled like apples as in she was simply made of the fruit.
Ponies were so strange.
The telegraph machine was quiet once more, nothing was sent back down the wire again. Possibly because the train was in a hurry, or maybe it was going to go backwards at top speed to get away from the storm.
Short Circuit shook his head. He had had to brave a couple sandstorms in the past, one of which nearly killed him had it not been for Thomas, so another reason to hate the drunkard.
Always trying to step in and be a good guy, then his true colors came out and he was just an ass.
“Stupid human. Stupid ring. Stupid advancements in technology he won’t let me play with.”
He was about done packing when the strangest sound hit his ears. It almost sounded like… a hoof, tapping on metal. Listening longer, Circuit realized the only thing it could be, which was strange in it’s own right, was that it was a knocking sound. Maybe, even perchance… a pony… outside… knocking?
“Who knocks on my chamber door?” Brow raised, he tentatively approached his entry room, where his anti-static rod sat. He tapped it with a hoof, and a bright spark shot out, which for Circuit was actually small. The attached meter promptly caught fire, a small can of retardant going off just above to smother the flames.
"Huh, usually they just explode."
Cautiously, he opened the door. Already he could tell the winds were starting up, which made him realize that his journey was already going to be horrible, never mind that he had an obligation to go.
He was so focused on the winds, he didn’t even see the three ponies standing in front of him and talking away.
“... so we wanted to make sure anypony here would be okay. Sir?”
Short Circuit blinked, which involved more of a twitch of his entire head that made it weird.
“What? Who are you? What are you doing here?”
The ponies shared a look, before the lead one cleared his throat.
“The storm is coming in, and we wanted to make sure you or anypony else here would be okay before we move on.”
“What? No, I’m alone here.”
There was an almost predatory glint in the two ponies behind the lead one.
“Really? Well, we’re inspectors from-”
The wrong word was said, because Short Circuit instantly slammed the door on the ponies face and ran for his shop. Inspectors were never a good thing, and he had so much the world didn’t understand yet! His instant baked potato machine, or his water gascolator. Working quickly, he was so rushed he didn’t even realize after covering the IT is supposed to make fire but instead makes donuts machine when he heard the clip clop of hooves.
Instantly Circuit intercepted the ponies.
“How dare you breach my inner sanctum!?”
“Sir, we are inspectors, and we need to inspect.”
“Did you ground yourselves?”
The three shared a look, the two followers shrugging, and the lead turning back with a forced smile. “Sure?”
Short Circuit grabbed a long metal rod from under a table, and poked each pony with it, and on the third one got a small spark.
“Aha! You didn’t! I knew it, I knew it, I- wait… hold on. You’re inspectors?”
The three nodded.
“Then where are your clipboards?”
“Our… what?”
“Yeah, every inspector who visited had a clipboard that they checked off things if they were Good, Bad, or Ugly. I’m striving for a Bad rank, but they always act funny when I get in their face about it or show off some of my inventions, which just keeps getting me a Good marking. Then I get new inspectors. I’m just trying to keep them away, and instead they send new ponies to see why I’m doing so well and that they never want to talk about it.
“Wait, what was I saying?”
There was silence as the three ponies watched with confusion as the broken unicorn stood still, eyes not even blinking, as he thought. Then, his instant baked potato machine dinged, the door opening with a bang and smoke poured out.
“Right! It’s quite odd, really, that three ponies would be out wandering the wastelands to check in on me.”
“Why would that be odd?” The lead stallion asked with a smile.
“Because usually they are flown in, and none of my exterior sensors went off letting me know something was coming. It’s almost like you three-”
Circuit froze instantly, eyeing the three. Then, slowly, he leaned forward and licked the face of the lead stallion.
“Oh. Crud.”