//------------------------------//
// Oodles of Noodles 
// Story: Domestic Drabbles of Discord's Dimension 
// by GeekCat 
//------------------------------//

Discord hummed a merry tune as he stirred two boiling pots of noodles. One was gold and marked with painted butterflies, while the other was silver, with an engraving of himself on it. He flicked one noodle from each pot onto the ceiling, and he nodded in satisfaction when they stuck. With a snap of his fingers, the water in each pot boiled away completely, leaving just the noodles.

He levitated the pots off of the stove and began chopping garlic with each hand. He chopped and mashed, scraping it into each pot and mixing it in thoroughly, along with a few handfuls of cheese. With that done, he began to chop different types of peppers—jalapeño, habanero, and ghost—but these he only added to the silver pot.

Once both pots were thoroughly stirred, he summoned a ladle in each hand and scooped an equal amount into two bowls, both porcelain white with blue flowers and flytraps painted on them. He covered the two pots and was about to float them into the fridge when something slammed into the side of the house, making everything shake and tilt sideways.

"Darnit," he said with a huff, barely saving the bowls and placing them into a bubble with his magic. With a bit of focus, he threw a protective bubble around Fluttershy, even though she was out of sight. He sighed and cracked his knuckles, teleporting outside of the house.

A giant white-furred monster was leaning against their house, meowing loudly. Its head and paws were like a cat's, but it was at least a thousand times the size of a cat, and it had far too many paws to count, stretching back along its long, furry, snake-like body. It turned its head to Discord, revealing a surprisingly normal face with two blue eyes...and one green one above and between them, that opened up to get a better look at him.

It meowed at him, nose twitching. "For the last time!" he yelled through a bullhorn. "Don't run into the house! You can play with anything else, but not that!" It just meowed and pawed at the walls, watching in fascination as the house tipped.

"That's it," Discord said with a grunt. "Fluttershy thinks you're cute, but I'm sick of being nice!" He reached up above his head...and pulled out a large, comically oversized spray bottle.

He aimed it at the monster and sprayed a spurt of water at it. It hissed, showing more sharp fangs than its mouth should reasonably contain, the fur on its neck raising. Another spray, and it backed away from the house. Finally, for the coup de grâce, as it growled and hissed, trying to decide between its fun toy and fleeing...he stretched his arm towards it and flicked it on the nose.

It howled and whimpered, grabbing its nose with two of its paws and flying away, its long body undulating and disappearing into the purple sky. "And there'll be more of that if you try pulling that stunt again!" Discord yelled after it. He vanished the large spray bottle, and with a snap of his fingers, teleported to the animal sanctuary pantry.

Practically everything had fallen off of the shelves and onto the floor. He snapped his fingers and restored everything to—ugh—order, scanning the floor for his sweet Fluttershy. He spotted her lying next to a shelf full of carrots, looking dazed and confused. He quickly rushed to her side, popped the bubble around her, and began checking her for injuries.

"Fluffulhu visited again," he said, sighing in relief when all he found was a few bruises. And those, he peeled off of her like stickers, balling them up and tossing them aside. "I convinced him to leave the house alone. I don't think he'll come back anytime soon."

She slowly sat up, narrowing her eyes at him. "Discord...he's only a kitten. He just wants to play with something fun. I hope you weren't too mean."

"Just a few sprays of water and a flick on the nose," he said, offering her a hand. "Like how you trained the kittens not to treat the whole cat room as their litterbox."

"The nose flick was extreme..." she said, taking his hand and standing up. "I think you should apologize to him."

"This was the third time this month he attacked our house!" he said. "I'm sorry, Flutters, but as much as I love chaos, what if he decides to 'play' when you're here and I'm not? If you get stuck in a room, or hurt?" He crossed his arms.

They stared at each for a few moments, and Fluttershy sighed. "I...you're right," she said. "I'll talk to him this weekend. Try to train him not to do that."

He sighed. "If you do that, I suppose I should go apologize to him. Perhaps I was a bit extreme. I just got annoyed at being interrupted." He tucked a strand of her mane behind her ear. "But...we can both do that this weekend. Alright?"

She nodded. "Have you finished fixing lunch yet?" she asked.

"Almost!" he said, teleporting them into the kitchen. With a wave of his hand, everything was back to how it was, and he guided the bubble of noodles onto the counter, where it popped. "A bowl for me, and a bowl for you," he said, laying bamboo chopsticks on each bowl, placing one in a paper sack with a heart drawn on it, and the other in a metal lunchbox with his face on it.

After adding a thermos of tea, some sliced apples, and a small bowl of ice cream to each as well, he handed the sack to her with a smile. "Here you are, my dear," he said. "A complete and healthy lunch."

She smiled and accepted the bag. "Thank you, Discord. I'll head off to work now."

"And I, to visit Celestia!" he proclaimed, twirling the lunchbox between his fingers. "Have a wonderful day, Fluttershy!" He bent down to kiss her on the cheek, and she giggled and returned the gesture. She waved goodbye and flew out the door to one of the portals, and he snapped his fingers and teleported to Silver Shoals.





Discord and Celestia were laughing over large slices of red velvet cake. They sat in a small but comfortable living room, with cheerful white walls and yellow furniture, and large windows that let in plenty of sunlight. The walls were completely covered in pictures of the many ponies Celestia had known throughout the years. "Oh, Lulu's face was priceless!" Discord cackled. "If I'd known that she was so attached to the postal system here, I would have messed with it a long time ago!"

Celestia giggled. "Yes, well...I think any mail I receive is going to be very late for the next few days," she said. "Although I'm sure a new stamp for her collection will smooth her ruffled feathers." She took a large bite of cake, surprisingly unladylike for a former princess.

Discord nodded, drizzling some chocolate onto his cake before taking another bite. "And I'm sure a magic stamp from me should make her forgive me, as well," he said. "Do you still think she's up for cards later tonight?"

"We can deliver the apology gifts after lunch," Celestia said. "And then she can decide whether she wants to join or not. Perhaps she'll even be willing to join the next pranking spree?"

"Oooh, that would be fun," Discord said, rubbing his hands together. "You're both fairly good at pranks, but she is significantly more devious when she comes up with ideas." He swallowed the rest of his cake. "Now, what should we go next? More pranks? Maybe go on the ziplines?"

"After lunch," Celestia said, pointing to the clock on her wall. "It's past noon. I know we just had cake, but..."

"When have I ever been against eating dessert first?" he said. From his pocket dimension, he pulled out his lunch box and placed it on the table, while Celestia used her magic to grab a box from inside her small kitchen—something from the pizza place in the retirement home.

He watched as her magic heated it up, the olives and jalapeños melting into the cheese. "A new combination," he remarked, opening his lunchbox and arranging his lunch. "I see you're taking a page out of my book. Care to try something else new?" He grinned, holding the noodles out to her.

"Never again," she said. "Not after that donut you gave me." She looked a little green just mentioning it. "Chocolate and tomato sauce are not things that should go together."

"So says you," he huffed. "Frankly, I found it delicious." He took a whiff of his noodles. "Probably wise you don't eat this, anyway. I put in enough spice to take the roof off of a pony's mouth!"

"Of course you did," she said, taking a bite out of her pizza.

He grabbed the noodles in a bunch with his chopsticks and slurped them all up loudly. He smacked his lips. "Mmm. Nothing like garlic and—" He froze, his eyes widening. "Garlic. Just garlic."

He grabbed a single small noodle and wrapped it around his tongue. "Not a hint of spiciness..." His eyes widened even more, practically bulging out of his skull. "Kay Kay, I have to go!"

Before Celestia could ask what was wrong, he snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash of light.





He appeared just on the edge of the sanctuary. As soon as he was there, his skin became camouflage-colored, and he snuck through the trees, his head whipping every which way. There was no sight of his lovely Fluttershy, which made his heart race with worry. What if I'm too late?

But he saw a semi-familiar face, busy checking up on an elephant. He hung upside-down by his tail, his head returning to its normal color. "Hello, Dr. Fauna!" he said cheerfully.

The veterinarian shrieked, leaping about a foot into the air. She whipped her head around to stare at him, panting and clutching her chest. "D-discord," she said. "If you're looking for Fluttershy, she already left for lunch."

His face grew pale, the color literally dripping off of it like liquid. He grasped her shoulders. "Where did she go to eat it!?" he asked, shaking her.

"She said she was going to the bunny burrows!" Dr. Fauna said. Discord let go of her, swinging around the branch before flying off in the direction of the burrows.

His eyes were practically spinning in their sockets, trying to catch a glimpse of yellow and pink. Then, he saw her. Surrounded by lots of tiny furballs, with her lunch unpacked...and the bowl of noodles already in her lap.

"Fluttershy, no!" he yelled, snapping his fingers to teleport to her.

Just as he reappeared right in front of her, her eyes widened. She already had a large bunch of noodles in her mouth, and she slurped them down out of shock. She blinked, then gave him a bright smile and opened her mouth, probably to greet him.

That smile fell in less than a second as her hooves flew up to her mouth and her eyes began to water.

She whimpered, and he quickly tore the noodles out of her hooves and cradled her against his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he said, stroking her back. "I mixed up our noodles, I'm so sorry."

"It hurts," she whimpered, tears pouring down her face. "It really hurts."

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry," he said. He racked his brain, then snapped his fingers and made a large glass of milk. "Here, drink this. It should help—"

He didn't even finish before she snatched it out of his hands and began chugging it down. The glass was empty in seconds, and she let out a small sigh, the tears not pouring so quickly down her face. He held the glass as it refilled itself, using a silk handkerchief to clean her face as he whispered more apologies to her.

She downed two more tall glasses before she seemed to relax slightly, though he still rubbed at her back and whispered apologies. Slowly, she lifted a hoof to stroke his cheek, making him freeze mid-apology. "It's okay," she said. "You just made a mistake, and you fixed it. I'm fine now."

"But...I hurt you," he said, ears drooping. "It was more than just a small mix up. You took a bite of a dish that is too spicy for anypony to handle!"

She kissed his cheek, though the comfort he got from the gesture was lessened by the fact he could still smell the peppers on her breath. "It was just a mistake," she said. "And...did you come all the way here just to fix it?"

He nodded. "I thought of switching our noodles with magic...but if you had already taken a bite, that wouldn't have fixed anything. I needed to make sure you were okay." She nuzzled his neck, and he pressed the glass of milk into her hooves again.

"I'm fine now," she said. "I'm sure Celestia is waiting for you. You should go." He shook his head, pressing the glass against her lips. She sighed and drank, watching as it refilled itself.

After a few more sips, she said, "If you gave me some things to help with this...burning," she said, "In case it comes back...would you go back and have fun with Celestia?" He paused, tilting his head and stroking his beard. Finally, he sighed and nodded, and snapped up a small book, flipping through its pages.

"Okay...things that help..." he said aloud, snapping his fingers. He created a carton of milk, a container of yogurt, a small loaf of bread, a milk chocolate bar, and a pile of sugarcubes that were wrapped up in a handkerchief. "Okay," he said, holding his hands out to present them to her. "These are all things that can help remove the capsaicin—that's what's causing the burning."

He created a small saddlebag with a soft strap and wrapped it around her waist, stuffing all of the created items inside. "If the burning comes back, just eat any of those," he said. "Although at this point, I hope it won't come back..." He snapped his fingers, and with a flash, the noodles in their bowls were swapped.

"Can you try that for me, please? Just so I can be sure?" he asked, eyes wide and shiny. She tentatively gripped the noodles with her chopsticks and slurped up a small amount. She smacked her lips, and a small smile spread on her face.

"It's delicious!" she proclaimed. She leaned forward to kiss his cheek again. He let out a sigh of relief, sagging to the ground and laying his head on her chest. She took another bite of the noodles, humming in appreciation. He snuggled closer to her torso.

She lightly nudged his head. "Discord, you promised to go back to Celestia," she said.

"One more minute," he grumbled. "And another drink of milk. And a promise that you'll call me if things go bad." She rolled her eyes, but still took a large drink of the milk and promised to call if she needed him.

He snuggled into her for a little longer, until she nudged him again. With a groan, he pulled away and stood up. "Goodbye, my dear," he said, bending to kiss her on the cheek. "I hope your animals don't give you too much trouble."

"I hope you have fun with Celestia," she said, kissing and nuzzling his cheek. He held up his fingers, pausing for a second to take in the sight—her, with some garlic sauce smeared on her cheek, beaming at him with a loving look in her eyes. He smiled widely and teleported away.





"...and that's why I left so suddenly," Discord said to Celestia, who had insisted on hearing what the matter with him was as soon as he got back. He twirled his chopsticks in the air. "Fluttershy, the forgiving soul she is, didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing. If she hadn't been so adamant that she was fine, and hadn't given that promise that she would call if things went wrong...well, I probably would have stayed with her a lot longer."

Celestia smiled, taking a bite of her pizza. "Well, I'm glad everything worked out," she said. "You and Fluttershy...you sound so happy together."

"Yes, we are," he said. "I suppose I should thank you for pushing us together." He took a sip of the tea in his thermos, twirling a bunch of noodles around his chopsticks. 

Celestia just waved off the notion. "I only gave her a little encouragement to show you some kindness. Everything else? The fruits of your own hard work, friendship, and love."

Discord paused. "Yes...I suppose you're right." He slurped his noodles, sighing out a tongue of flame as a chaotic burning sensation settled in his mouth and throat. A devious grin spread on his face. "So, what should we do after we give the apology gifts to Luna?"