Your life had become…weird. At this point you couldn’t deny it was real, it had been too long for a dream or a hallucination. There was still the chance you were in some sort of coma, but it didn’t really matter much at this point.
It was hard to tell how long you had been in this…’other world’ was probably the best way to put it. There wasn’t a clock down here, but you guessed it had been at least a week since you’d been snatched across space and time. Maybe two.
You had definitely been fired. Eh, the job sucked anyway.
The cultist treated you like a king, but whether that was respect or fear was hard to tell. They brought you anything you asked for, including a luxurious gift: a stool. However, you either let Amber use it, or sat on the floor with her in your lap for scritches. Still, it was nice of them.
Speaking of Amber, she had been improving since your little ‘speech.’ She had gained some weight, and a sheen had appeared on her mane and coat. You couldn’t see as many bones as before, which you guessed was a good thing. Again, not a vet. Overall, she seemed healthy. Her mood had improved too, but…
She was still a bit on the skittish side, and rarely used the authority you’d bestowed on her. She mostly stuck by your side, and only left to get food. Fruits and veggies mostly, which made sense given the horses. At least they had something you could eat, aside from the hay and literal flowers. You missed bacon.
In the time you were alone together, you managed to get Amber to open up a bit about her world. ‘Equestria’ she called it. Apparently there were three main groups to the populace: Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth ponies. The princesses were called Celestia and Luna, and were ‘Alicorns’ with traits of all three groups. Amber also claimed they were thousands of years old, and capable of moving the sun and moon. She mentioned another named Cadence, but she ruled another country so the cult didn’t seem to mind her much. It all seemed a bit out there, but it seemed in line with everything else you’ve dealt with so far. Near all-powerful beings in charge of Horseyland? Why not? The prospect of facing them didn’t fill you with joy, however.
Not that you would have been the first. Apparently, someone had tried to take over every other month or so in recent times. The list included, but was not limited to: A rock-obsessed unicorn, and anorexic shape-shifting bug thing, one of the princesses going through an emo phase, and a pumpkin that had resembled a frowny face. You, a bald-ish ape with anxiety, was at least not THAT out of the norm.
You had had the chance to talk to a few members of the cult as well. It took while to get them to open up, but once they did they wouldn’t shut up. Especially the one you called Anarchy. Because of the whole ‘demon thing’ they skittish about using their real names, so you had to come up with nicknames for them. Anarchy got his from his favorite style of government, (or lack thereof). He was nice enough, and you were making progress in talking him down from his namesake to something a bit less…drastic. You had also learned quite a bit about his herb garden. Apparently his basil was doing quite well.
The cult was made of well…morons. It felt mean to put it that way, but it was accurate. They would constantly ask you for favors or advice on the stupidest things. One of them had asked you with a straight face to open a pickle jar. (Apparently they were fascinated by your hands.) They also had no common sense and followed anyone/pony that seemed to know what they were talking about.
Which explains why they followed Father. He wasn’t a total moron, but still acted smarter than he was. His grand plan was to summon a demon, and then let that demon come up with a plan to take down the princesses. Not only did he have no idea what a demon looked like, he honestly expected any demon summoned to play it straight and not stab him in the back. (Metaphorically or literally) You could think of at least ten loopholes to ‘Help me destroy the Princesses,’ and any demon worth the title could do worse with that kind of leeway.
That said he knew something was up. You’d been stalling for time, trying to think of way to get home. Father was getting more and more impatient, and was hiding it less and less. You didn’t know what he would do when they found out you couldn’t do jack shit to help him, but you didn’t want to find out. If they were crazy enough to go up against what were essentially gods, and summon a demon to do so, what were they going to do to you for messing it up? Better not to risk it.
Not that you could do much currently. You were spending the day the same way you had been since you got here: doing something between fuck and all. The cultists only hung around for a few hours a day, usually when Father would get frustrated trying to get you to make a deal. Maybe they had day jobs or something? Amber was sleeping comfortably in your lap like a big cat, as had become usual. The urge to scratch her ears was strong, but you didn’t want to risk waking her. ‘Bored’ was the only word you could think of at the moment.
Your attention was drawn to the circle on the floor. Father had warned against trying to cross it, but was a bit vague on what exactly would happen if you tried. It was doubtful it would do anything permanent, but the thought was still unnerving. You carefully slid Amber’s head off your lap and moved closer, trying to decide whether or not to risk it.
…Well it wasn’t like you had anything else to do. After checking to make sure Amber was still asleep, you stood at the edge of your 2D prison. You take a deep breath, brace yourself for the worst, and stepped over the line.
And nothing happened.
You stepped back over the line, and still nothing. Hopping back and forth over the line, you feel nothing more than a slight tingle in your gut that felt similar to how you got here. Only without the whole ‘falling into a cultist world-domination plot’ thing.
Satisfied that Father had thoroughly fucked up, you made a break for the door. About halfway through the room, though, you slowed to a stop as questions plagued your mind. Where would you go? Which way was home? Were you even in the same dimension as home? You didn’t know the answer to any of those. Trotting back to Amber and the circle, you felt a bit downtrodden. It may not be an ideal situation, or even necessarily an ideal one, but it was the best you had. Here you got food and water on demand, and almost anything else you asked for. How long that would last was concerning, but it was something you’d figure out when the time came.
No sooner had you made it to the circle, you heard a deep THUD close by. The room shook, startling Amber awake, and plumes of dust fell from the ceiling. After a moment, another THUD. Then another. And another.
To quote a famous nerf herder: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
The door flew open with a crash, and Father bolted into the room, with a small group of followers close behind. They slammed the door behind them, and a flick of Father’s horn caused it to glow a light blue.
“W-what’s going on?” Amber stammered, a tremble running down her spine.
“The Elements have found us!” Father snapped back.
“The…Elements?” you echoed, completely lost.
“The Elements of ‘Harmony!’ The new attack dogs of Celestia, led by thrice-damned Twilight Sparkle!” Father replied as he paced in front of you. He stopped and looked you dead in the eyes. “There is no more time, we must form our pact NOW!”
…Well fuck…
“Um…I…That is-“ you start, before the door explodes into smoke and splinters, and ponies too close sailing across the room. With how effective Father’s spell was, he may as well have tried to keep it closed by asking nicely.
As the dust settled, six figures appeared. Two Unicorns, two Pegasi, and two Borings. One boring wore a Stetson and twirled a lasso, the other was pink and was constantly bouncing. Hovering in the back was a wispy-maned mare that looked like she was about to faint just being there, and the another Pegasus that looked like a pissed-off Pride flag. One of the unicorns reminded you of those overly-dramatic prep girls from a bad sitcom designed by out of touch executives. The other, the purple one leading the pack, wore a gold tiara, while the others wore necklaces. You guessed she was the one in charge.
The room fell silent, save for your heart pounding in your ears. Everyone just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.
Prissy was the first to speak.
“That’s the demon? It’s hideous!”
Okay, rude.
“Is that it? It doesn’t seem so tough.” Pride Pony boasted.
“Betcha Ah can hogtie ‘em.” Yeehaw remarked with a grin.
“We should still be careful…” Wimpy whispered, barely audible.
“CAREFUL IS FOR THE WEAK!” roared Bouncy, who had somehow produced a Viking helm and spear.
“Keep it together, girls. We need to take care of this before that demon can do whatever it’s planning!” Purple commanded as she glared directly at you so intently you felt like you’d burst into flames.
“Let’s go!” all six cried as they charged.
What happened next could only be described as…chaos. Like something out of a cartoon. The air was filled with dust, and the sound of fighting was deafening. You’d catch a glimpse of one of the cult or the Elements, but you couldn’t keep track of what was happening. Every so often, a bolt of magic or cultist would go flying past.
“Master, what do we do!?” Amber cried tugging on you pant leg.
You just stood there, weighing your options.
As you saw it you had two options: enjoy the brawl and hope the winner didn’t kill you, or make a break for what remained of the door and head into the unknown. Honestly neither was an attractive option.
“Great One!” a voice called out, snapping you back to reality. It was Father, crawling out of the fight. He was bruised and battered, as in he was covered in cake mix. You decided not to question it.
“Great One, now is our chance! Grant me power and whatever you wish shall be yours! Land, wealth, the souls of the citizens, even my own followers, whatever! PRICE BE DAMNED!” he begged.
“Not so fast!” declared another voice. The dust cloud faded revealing the Elements standing triumphant, the cultists scattered about them groaning.
Father let out a shriek that made you ears ring.
“Now that your followers are beaten, we’ll banish your demon friend back to wherever it came from!” Purple proclaimed proudly.
The six ponies’ jewelry began to glow, and each one floated into the air, even the wingless ones. As they rose, Father swapped between begging you to do something and begging the Elements to stop.
Amber just looked you, with a mournful expression.
You didn’t really know what to do, a feeling you were getting frustratingly familiar with. On the one hand they were about to send you home, Purple said had said as much. On the other, they also thought you were a demon. Would whatever they were doing send you home, or to some God-forsaken hellscape? Would it do nothing? For all you knew, it could just render you a red smear on the floor.
Before you could decide on what to do, the Elements erupted with a rainbow light (because of course they would) which arced into the air and down directly at you.
Ah fuck it. You thought and raised your arms to meet whatever fate decided.
The torrent of color slammed into you, blinding your vision with color and light as it felt as though someone dumped a lake on your head.
After a moment the color faded, and you raised your head.
And an awkward silence filled the air as you realized that not a goddam thing had happened.
“Huh.” was all you could say.
“WHAT THE HECK!? WHY DIDN’T IT WORK!?” Pride Pony shrieked furiously.
“I-I…I don’t know! Celestia herself made that spell, it should have worked!” Purple stammered, looking significantly less smug than before. Wimpy looked she was about to faint.
“Cheater…” Bouncy’s voice hissed in your ear.
“What now?” Prissy whispered.
“Should we try again?” asked Yeehaw.
The group did their magic rainbow floating routine again. Again, you were nearly flattened by the nauseating pastel colors. And again, you found yourself standing exactly where you were before.
This repeated several times. If you were honest, you lost track about the fifth or sixth time. Whether that was the repetitiveness, or the possible head trauma was debatable.
Eventually the magic-girl wannabes got tired of slinging prisms at you and settled back on the floor panting. Apparently, whatever they were doing was wiping them out.
Father (who had busied himself cowering under his cloak) noticed as well.
“Ha…HA! Y-you have fallen for my…clever ruse! I foresaw your…predictable attack on us. S-So I…inscribed...uh…anti-harmony runes into the summoning circle! The Great One is immune to your pathetic assaults thanks to my brilliance!” he stammered, attempting to make himself sound as cocky as possible.
He’s totally bullshiting. You thought, What kind of IDIOT would fall for-
“It doesn’t matter what you do!” proclaimed Purple “With the power of friendship, we can overcome anything!”
God dammit.
“FOOLS!” Father roared “This day belongs to ME!” He reached into his cloak and produced a silvery ball about the size of an orange. A flash of his crimson magic flicked the ball towards the mares’ hooves, whereupon it shattered on the brick floor. A pinkish-purple smoke filled the air around them, causing Prissy to shriek in panic. The six’s eyes began to droop, and they began to sway. One by one, they fell to they floor, unconscious.
Father blinked. He seemed legitimately surprised that had worked. Then, he grinned his hideous grin.
“Yes…YES! I win!” he exclaimed with devilish glee and turned to you. “Here! A worthy sacrifice for you, Great One! It is time for you to grant me the power I deserve! The souls of the Elements of Harmony are a far greater than that pathetic Am-“
-CRASH-
Father went down like a sack of bricks. Standing behind him was Amber holding the remains of your stool in her magic grip.
As you stand agape Amber darted a hoof across your circle, breaking the pristine white line. The light from it faded away, the darkness spreading across the chamber. She then stares at you, her eyes blazing with an intensity you hadn’t seen before.
“You’re free. What happens now?” she asked flatly.
You didn’t answer immediately. Everything had happened so quickly you hadn’t had time to process it. Stepping out of the former circle, you paused a moment to think.
Honestly, there was only one answer left.
“We run.”