//------------------------------// // The (Un)Expectedly Doomed Lunch Date // Story: Eerie Lantern and the Not-So-Dead Haunting // by Nines //------------------------------// Eerie had just managed to find the cold chain charm, which she wore as a kind of crude necklace, when she heard a knock at the door. She jumped almost to the ceiling, knocking over a pile of trinkets. When she landed again, with back arched like a startled cat, she stared at the door wild-eyed.  She hoped it had just been a bird or something. Birds flew into doors, right? Or were those windows? Maybe she was lucky and it was a stupid bird. But she needed to check. She didn’t want to, but she needed to. After all, it was a common practice of burglars to first knock on doors to see if anyone was home. Empty houses were appealing targets. Thus, answering the door would dissuade any potential hoodlums from invading. It was a practical safety habit, but it was a deeply unpleasant one for her, seldom as visitors were.  The fact that she was expecting guests was only a secondary reason for this latest bothersome task. She had some faith in the various locks and chains she kept on her front door at all times. Eerie didn’t undo any of these, but instead, opened the door a cautious crack and peered out. Then— “Hiyeee! I’m Sunshine Smiles, Moonlight’s sister! Nice to meet—!” Eerie slammed the door shut, reeling back in abject terror. That eye! Oh, that fucking sparkly eye!  It was bad enough on its own, making Eerie feel like her blood sugar count had quadrupled from a cupcake binger, but in the fraction of a second when she’d gazed into that saccharine abyss, she was certain she could feel the tug of some terribly cheery tune calling her name. The phantom melody, full of pep and cheer, floated through her head like gleeful miasma. Her hooves tickled to the imagined beat, and Eerie scraped them against the creaky floor in a panic, trying to rid herself of the temptation. It was awful. Terrible! She could actually feel a song coming on! “No, no, no, no, no—” Eerie whispered frantically as she galloped for her bedroom. The cold chain bounced sharply against her chest. She dove under her bed and covered her eyes with her hooves. “No! Just no!” “Eerie Lantern, you let those mares in!” Scarlet Orange hissed suddenly into her ear. Eerie lifted a hoof to see Scarlet glaring at her, upside down, through the underside of her bed’s mattress. Where her form vanished, smoky essence drifted along the fabric. “Scarlet, this was a terrible idea. Why didn’t you talk me out of it??” Eerie whined. Scarlet’s mouth wrenched open with insult and her ears went flat. “I tried!” She finally managed to sputter out. “I don’t want you scaring these poor ponies, but the fact of the matter is, they’re here now, and even I can’t ignore this opportunity you have to make real, living friends.”  Scarlet shooed Eerie with a smoky hoof. “Now you get out there, this instant! You mustn’t keep them waiting! It’s rude!” “I don’t care about being rude,” Eerie hissed, her own ears going flat. Her tail swept the floor in broad angry strokes. “I was coerced. This shouldn’t be happening!” Scarlet sighed, her eyes narrowing. “Eerie, you’re leaving me no choice...” Eerie’s ears perked. “H-Huh?” Scarlet floated up out of sight, the mattress seeming to swallow her form in a swirling cyclone of gray mist. Up above, Eerie heard her friend holler loudly, “Let ‘em in, boys!” “What the fu—?!” Eerie’s head banged on the mattress frame. “Ow, shit!” She scrambled out from under the bed. “No! D-Don’t you guys dare—!” Too late.  She left her room in time to see the front door swing open. Eerie skidded to a halt, her hooves covering her mouth. Stix and Mister D just shrugged at her from either side of the doorway. The cat quickly faded up to the attic space. Mister remained, however. He peered with interest, waiting to see who would appear. A long moment passed. Then Moonlight Raven stepped through, her heavily shadowed eyes blinking slowly. “Like… hello?” Mister’s poofy tail wagged with obvious excitement as he beamed. “She looks cool!” he said. Eerie tried to take a step back into her room, only to feel Scarlet use her ghostly power to shove her forward, further out into the living room. Eerie’s hooves scraped loudly over the wood. Moonlight regarded her with a raised eyebrow.  Eerie stared back at her with circle eyes and a grim-pinched mouth. Scarlet made a disgusted noise behind Eerie, and within the next second, the unicorn felt the ghost mare’s frigid touch float along her spine.  “Hi-yeeeee!” Eerie squealed, her fur standing on end. If Moonlight thought the greeting odd, she didn’t say anything. She levitated the pitcher she had with her a little higher.  “I brought lemonade.” She looked behind her, then forward again. “Sorry my sister freaked you out. I told her not to be too shiny.” Eerie swallowed through a tight throat, her mind barely grasping Moonlight’s words. She felt like she were underwater. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. There were live ponies in her house. Live... talking... ponies.  And they even brought things!  Where the hell would the things go? What words should she say back? What were they supposed to do?  Damn it all, why the hell were there ponies in her house?! It was just… so overwhelming. Behind Moonlight, a pink pony with windswept sun-bleached hair cautiously stepped through the doorway. Sunshine Smiles, she’d called herself.  Mister D froze upon the sight of her, his ears pricking forward.  “Hulloooo,” Sunshine called softly. Her smile had gone down several degrees, and her brow was creased with obvious apology.  Eerie’s mouth wrinkled at the sight of this new pony. Sunshine had a free-spirited beauty that contrasted startlingly with Moonlight’s gloomy but meticulous charm. Though Eerie knew it wasn’t important for her designs that afternoon, she couldn’t help but feel annoyingly unpresentable.  It had been a while since she’d had her mane and coat trimmed, and her hooves were dirty and getting a bit long… Eerie’s mouth wrenched to the side. Whatever. I don’t care what they think. They’ll be gone soon, anyway. Forever. “M’sorry if I startled you…” Sunshine said as she scuffed a hoof on the floor. She winced and lifted up her plate of food with her magic. “I brought sandwiches...?” She laughed weakly as she gently shut the door behind her. “Tell them they can place their food on the table,” whispered Scarlet from the bedroom. Eerie’s head turned slightly to the side as she whispered out of the corner of her mouth, “Say what?” Scarlet’s whisper morphed into an angry wheeze, “Tell them to place their food on the bloody table!” Eerie’s head snapped forward again, her back stiff. “Things— Bloody table!” she squeaked. She heard Scarlet groan with exasperation. Moonlight and Sunshine exchanged looks, but they levitated their items onto the coffee table. Getting to the couch was a separate matter entirely. The two mares moved slowly through the slim lanes between Eerie’s belongings. Sunshine winced as a tower of musty clothes swayed threateningly from a small bump of her flank.  When they finally arrived at their seats, whorls of dust rose into the air when they sat. Sunshine sneezed, daintily.  Ugh! Even that sounded sugary sweet!  How the hell were these two sisters? It was clear Moonlight was nothing like Sunshine! Eerie’s ear drooped as she stared from one sibling to the other. “Now you sit down and thank them for coming,” Scarlet hissed from her hiding place. Eerie turned to glare at the ghost over her shoulder. When she looked back at the two mares sitting on her couch, it became obvious that they were waiting on her to do something.  Mister D had floated from the door and now hovered over the two mares, just a little bit behind. The smile was gone, and his eyes had grown to occupy half his little face. Eerie raised an eyebrow at him but returned her attention to her unwanted guests.  So long as Moonlight didn’t see the colt, Eerie supposed he could do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t like she could tell him directly to get lost. She took a deep breath.  It was like Scarlet said. These ponies were here now, so she needed to deal with them. She willed her heavy hooves to walk forward. She watched the pair on her couch with wide eyes, her body ready to jump away just in case. Eerie blindly fumbled for the armrests before clumsily hauling herself into her reading recliner.  Stacks of books she was currently researching were carefully balanced on a side table next to it, amidst more trinkets of former haunts. These teetered as she settled into her seat, and Moonlight’s eyes flickered to them, remaining there. Eerie touched the cold iron chain around her neck. Would it truly keep her safe from their attack spells? She hoped so with all her heart… Tremulously, Eerie said, “Th-Thanks for c-coming.” Her eyes flickered to the food on the table. “And for the food and drinks.” Sunshine brightened, apparently relieved that something resembling a conversation was starting. “Oh, it was no problem! I hope you like the sandwiches!” Eerie’s eyes narrowed a little. “What kind of sandwiches did you bring?” Sunshine leaned forward as she levitated one from the plate. “It’s spinach and cream cheese! Wanna try one?” Eerie pressed back into her seat as though the other mare were pointing a crossbow at her chest. “No!” Sunshine flinched and looked at Eerie sadly, like a dog that had been scolded. The sandwich she held in her aura lowered in the air. Eerie cleared her throat, feeling her fur matting from sweat. “Er, I mean… n-no. Please. Help yourselves first. I’m, uh… not hungry just yet.” “Thanks for having us over and stuff,” Moonlight said. Her eyes were still on the book stack next to Eerie. “Hope we aren’t being too big a bother.” You’re a massive fucking bother, Eerie thought with a little grind of her teeth. But I’ll take care of you and anyone else who tries to get too close... for good! Instead, she said, “N-Nah, it’s no big deal.”  She rapped a hoof on the side table. Her signal for the first ‘spooky’ occurrence. Eerie tried to keep the vicious smile off her face. Any second now…! Except nothing happened. Her nostrils flared and her eyes snapped up to the ceiling, the sting of betrayal swift.  Stix, you shitty cat—! “Mmm!” exclaimed Sunshine. Eerie regarded her with a grimace. The pink unicorn was eating one of her sandwiches. “Not to, like, toot my own horn or anything…” Sunshine said between bites. “But these sandwiches are wicked good!” “I’ll have to try one then,” Eerie said through a gritted smile. Her brow tensed when she realized Mister D had floated closer to the mares. He was staring at Sunshine, his mouth hanging open a little.  Eerie snuck a look at Scarlet, her head jerking at the ghostly foal. Scarlet only held up her hooves in a gesture that blatantly said, I don’t know what he’s doing! The ghost mare tried calling to Mister. They knew Moonlight couldn’t hear ghosts’ psychic speech, and yet Scarlet couldn’t seem to resist resuming her surreptitious way of speaking. “Mister… Mister D, come to me, my darling,” she whispered with hooves outstretched. “You leave that mare be!” But Mister D didn’t move. Eerie grumbled, her ears flattening. Would one thing go right during this shit show? At least Mister wasn’t doing anything, but still… If Moonlight saw him... Looking back at her guests, she realized Moonlight was still looking at her books. Eerie’s muzzle wrinkled as she tried to guess which book in particular the other mare was looking at.  “Um… You like reading?” she asked Moonlight. “Yeah.” Moonlight said this with all the enthusiasm of a foal getting an ugly sweater for Hearth’s Warming. One that itched and smelled like sour milk. Still, she pointed a hoof at a book in the middle of the stack. “I’ve got that one.” Eerie blinked and looked at the book title. Abuse in the Caboose: The Tale of the Deadhead Murderer. She looked at Moonlight sidelong, one eye squinting. “You like true crime?” Moonlight nodded once. “I do. The darkest tales of ponykind speak to my black heart.” She stared at a bemused Eerie for a long beat, then added, “It’s also kind of related to my work, or whatever.” Sunshine giggled and bumped shoulders with her sister. “Ravey, you’re so funny!”  She mimicked her sister’s expressionless face and apathetic monotone. “‘My black heart’...” Sunshine snorted out another giggle. Moonlight looked away with a heavy sigh. Blinking at the odd interaction, Eerie tried to carefully remove Abuse in the Caboose from the book stack with her teeth. She hadn’t read the book in a while, but she recalled it being quite gruesome. The killer had a weird thing with tying his victims’ entrails to the rear railing of the final train car. “An’ wut do ya do?” Eerie asked, her lips trying to move over the book’s corner. The book stack swayed threateningly over her head. “I’m a mortician,” Moonlight answered simply. This made Eerie’s eyes snap wide. Without thinking, she wrenched the book from the stack to stare at Moonlight in shock. “Yoor a wha—?” The books, which had already been leaning toward her seat, started to fall— Scarlet’s voice was a shout at Eerie’s side, “Eerie, look out—!” Eerie flinched, her ears pinning. Nothing happened. Slowly, she looked up. The books were suspended over the unicorn’s head in a strange mixture of pink and dark blue auras. She looked at the mares across from her, stunned. Both Sunshine and Moonlight’s horns were glowing. With their magic, they neatly stacked the books into two respective piles on the table next to the sandwich tray and lemonade. “That was close!” Sunshine said with a little grin. Moonlight raised an eyebrow. “You’re a unicorn, right? Why didn’t you use your magic to get the book instead?” Sunshine nudged her hard as her grin turned strained. Moonlight stared at her. “What?” she asked. Eerie’s lips pressed thin. She dropped the book onto the table with a bang.  “I am a unicorn,” she said flatly. She pulled back her mane to point at her stubby horn. “It’s short and crooked, so when my hair gets long, you sometimes can’t see it.” She let her mane fall forward again and glowered. “My magic is weak and it doesn’t always work right, so most of the time I just do things like earth ponies would. The doctors say it has nothing to do with technique. It’s just… a kind of birth defect. Like pegasi with stubby wings.” Moonlight’s expression lengthened a little, the first real change her face exhibited since they’d entered Eerie’s home. “Oh,” Moonlight said. Her dark eyes dropped to the table. “Sorry.” A thick silence followed. Sunshine picked up her sandwich again and chewed with slow deliberate bites. Her eyes darted back and forth between Eerie and Moonlight. Meanwhile, the goth had levitated one of the books off the table and was idly flipping through it. Pity. Eerie knew it when she saw it. This was definitely pity! Eerie hated pity. Her jaw clenched.  Fuck. This. She looked over at Scarlet and nodded. Scarlet, who was still watching everything from the neighboring bedroom, shook her head quickly, her eyes growing large. “Eerie, just give them a chance!” she pleaded. “It was an honest mistake on Moonlight’s part, can’t you see? The mare looks like she has about as much social grace as you do!” Eerie’s eyes flared wider and she jerked her head at her guests. Damn it, Scarlet! Just do it! Scarlet pressed a hoof to her brow, a heavy sigh escaping her. Then, tossing her curly mane back, she lifted her muzzle, took a deep phantom breath, and let out an— “AAAAaaAAAaaaaaAaaaaAAAAHHHH!!” The scream was deafening, starting sharp before morphing into a wrenching screech that conjured images of ponies being filleted alive. Sunshine yelped, her sandwich plopping to the floor. Moonlight’s eyebrows rose, her back going totally straight as she returned her book to the table. Mister D popped up directly over Sunshine’s head, his tail shivering and his mouth snapping shut. Eerie couldn’t help but smirk. “What’s the matter, guys?” She asked lightly. “You didn’t hear that?” Sunshine asked, a noticeable tremor in her voice. Eerie batted her eyes at her, playing dumb. “Hear what?” “A scream,” Moonlight said. Her head turned in the direction of the bedroom. “Sounded like it was close. Maybe from over there?” Eerie only shrugged. The two sisters exchanged looks. Screw Stix! Eerie thought with a little snort. Scarlet might just be enough to get these bitches out of here. Just keep playing stupid, and eventually, they’ll be so creeped out, they’ll never want to come back! She could just imagine the rumors that would spread afterward. ‘Stay away from that Eerie Lantern! Evil spirits follow her around! I swear her house is cursed to shit!’ Eerie cackled inwardly.  “So you were telling me you work as a mortician?” Eerie asked Moonlight with a feigned smile. “Mm-hmm.” Moonlight looked over at the bedroom again, before regarding Eerie. “I work the night shift.” She levitated a sandwich from the tray. “So this meal is actually my dinner.” Eerie blinked, her smugness momentarily leaving her as genuine surprise bounded in. “Damn, really?” “Yep.” Moonlight took a small bite of her sandwich. After swallowing, she pointed at her lemonade pitcher on the table. “Could we have some cups, please?” Eerie’s ears pricked forward. “Crap. Um, sure.” She slid from the recliner and navigated the narrow lanes of her belongings to her kitchen. There she opened the cupboard and pulled out a small stack of cups. “You have a lot of cool stuff, Eerie,” Sunshine commented. Her voice still sounded jittery, but the effort to regain her usual cheer was evident. “Are you a collector?” Eerie frowned as she returned. She placed the cups on the table, then sat back in her recliner. “Kind of?” Sunshine hopped a little in her seat. “I like to collect antiques! I drag Ravey with me all the time! It’s how we find ghosts!” This made Eerie stiffen. “You go antiquing… to find ghosts?” The blonde mare tittered. “Well… not to find ghosts. I really do like buying antiques for our house.” She bumped shoulders with Moonlight, who had busied herself with pouring everyone a drink. The goth shot her a mild glare when the lemonade sloshed. “But we’ve found ghosts lots of times that way!” Now Eerie’s eyes were auguring into Sunshine. “You believe in ghosts, too?” she looked at Moonlight next, her brow shadowing her gaze. “You really think you found some?” What happened to these so-called ghosts they’d found? Were they still trapped in their haunts? Were they sane? A quick look at Scarlet showed her ghostly friend was wondering the same. Moonlight nodded to Eerie’s question. “Yes.” She looked at Sunshine. “Tell her about the standing mirror we have at the—” she broke off, her gaze rising to where Mister D hovered over Sunshine’s head. The little foal was now so close, he was delicately sniffing Sunshine’s hair. Eerie stiffened. Did Moonlight really sense him? She’d still hoped what had happened yesterday on the trail was a fluke, and yet… “Oh yeah!” Sunshine, oblivious, carried on. Her hooves outlined a long rectangle in the air. “Last month I bought this standing mirror that turned out to have a ghost inside of it! It’s in my bedroom!” Eerie’s heart thrummed frantically in her chest. She wanted to know more about this ghost they’d found, and all the others too, but she also didn’t want Moonlight getting suspicious about Mister D. Shit, what do I do?? Scarlet didn't hesitate.  The ghostmare screamed again, louder, drawing Moonlight's eyes away from Mister as they were all forced to cover their ears, even Eerie.  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!” The scream went on so long, that Eerie was willing to give up the game to demand her friend stop with the deafening racket. Before she could, however... Mister D dove into Sunshine's body. Eerie’s eyes bugged with shock, her blood rushing from her face.  The colt had possessed someone! He’d never done that before! Why would he do that now?!  Without thinking, Eerie extended a hoof and started to shout for the colt to get out of Sunshine—  But Stix, crowing with mischievous glee, swooped down from the attic like a bird descending on prey. He blew over a stack of Eerie’s belongings that were behind the couch—boxes, tools, paintings, and ceramics—and it toppled in an avalanche onto the two mares.  Eerie stiffened when she saw a short dagger tumble from the mess and crash into the sandwich tray. A split second after landing, the weapon shivered once. Twice. Oh shit.  Looks like they finally found Thelk, the ancient warrior gryphon.  As Scarlet's scream petered out a sudden screeching roar swallowed it. The air came to life, sending dust, debris, and weightless trash hurdling through the tiny space. More of Eerie’s carefully piled belongings toppled over, erasing her walking lanes. Angry red mist sizzled up from the dagger’s blade before it began to cyclone, growing steadily in size. Lightning crackled inside it. “WHO DARES WAKE THELK MOLTENSCAR, SLAYER OF DRAGONS?!” Thelk boomed, his psychic intent not just piercing, but ripping through the veil that kept the dead and living apart. Red smoky claws emerged from within the eye of the cyclone, reaching curved toward the ceiling. A moment later, Thelk’s helmeted head reared into sight, massive and raging. He screeched once more and loomed over them all, swiftly filling the small space. “Thelk!” Scarlet hollered. “Thelk, that’s enough!” The gryphon ghost didn’t seem to hear her. His huge wings flapped, stirring the air again, and he beat his thick chest with his claws. Eerie grimaced and tried to shield her face from the flying debris. Inwardly, she sighed. Stupid Thelk. He always did this when he woke up from extended hibernation. She was going to have to keep him outside with Stix, from now on! Did he realize what a bitch it was to clean up after him? Moonlight, meanwhile, hadn’t screamed once since the spectacle had started, but her eyes had become very large as she stared at the place where Thelk thundered in front of them. Sunshine, on the other hoof, did scream, very loudly, her forelegs covering her head. “Come on!” Moonlight said in a firm, tight voice as she pulled her sister to follow. They stumbled with difficulty over the back of the couch, now covered in Eerie’s miscellaneous crap. Stix, peeking upside down from the attic, blew open the front door for them with a bang, wrenching easily through the sea of things that would have blocked it before either mare could try their magic.  Eerie waved a frantic hoof. “NO! Stop them!” The two sisters didn’t even pause to get their belongings.  Moonlight and Sunshine fled out the door, into the glaring daylight. Thelk cut off mid-screech, his claws rising up to shield his eyes from the invasive sunny glow. His form rapidly shrank to its normal size, the red leaving his smoke and returning it a calmer dark gray. The air settled. The gryphon groaned and turned away from the door. “Graves n’ guts, that’s much too bright!” Thelk complained gravelly. He rubbed at his eyes and stretched. As a yawn parted his sharp, claw-gouged beak, he asked partway through it, “How long’sh it been?” Stix, chortling as he flipped down from the attic and floated to the floor, answered, “Six months, old buddy.” But Eerie didn’t have time to chit chat. She bounded off the recliner and clumsily tried to make her way to the door, her hooves tripping and sliding over her things. “Stix, you shithead! I said stop them!” Stix crossed his arms and glared at her as she approached. His tail lashed. “Hey, hey, hey! What’s with the sourpuss, all of a sudden! I did what you asked, didn’t I?” Eerie rounded on him, just as she made it to the door. “They have Mister Double, you idiot! He jumped into Sunshine!” The cat’s ears and whiskers fell and his eyes went wide. She only took a single step outside when she paused, her heart leaping. Since foalhood, rarely had she ever left the house without Scarlet. Even in this situation, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Whipping around, Eerie yelled, “Scarlet—!” “Way ahead of you!” Stix said with a snap of his fingers. His form broke down into a cloud, and this streamed to the kitchen where Scarlet’s teapot had been safe from the commotion in its basket over the icebox. Stix picked this up and carried it swiftly to Eerie, just as a worried looking Scarlet arrived in the same streaming fashion from near the bedroom, Mister’s quilted blanket folded in her hooves. The cat’s full form rematerialized with the basket in his ghostly hands, his ears and whiskers still drooping. “Here, little mama.” He glanced at Scarlet as the ghostmare tucked Mister’s blanket next to her teapot. “I didn’t mean—” “No time,” Eerie barked as she took the basket in her weak aura and turned to gallop down the road. Once or twice it dipped in her worried concentration, but her magic held. For now. Could she do it? Could she find them in time? A ghost possessing a body was one thing… A ghost leaving the sphere of their haunt was another! If Mister D left Sunshine’s body right now, he could evaporate forever. It wasn’t moving on. It was… destruction. Pure and simple. “We’ll find them, Eerie!” Scarlet said, somehow breathless. Eerie glanced up to see her friend floating alongside her with a tight smile on her face. “Have faith, pumpkin. We will find them.” Eerie swallowed and jerked her head once in a nod. Don’t worry, Mister! She thought fiercely as they broke free of the woods and entered the field where she grew her pumpkins. I won’t let anything happen to you!