What’s Right There In Front of Me
I’ve had a few steady friends over the course of my life, probably only a hand’s worth or so at any given time. The longest tenured one lasted from my early school days to about my final year of college. Similarly, the most recent one to join those ranks has since abdicated. No fault on either of our parts, we just happened to drift apart because of our careers, ironically both in aviation.
Now, before I get all dark and depressing, I must say that who‘s to say what’ll happen and how things are gonna turn out. Friends may come and friends may go, but family is forever.
Bullshit.
As I was saying, who knows how things are gonna turn out. I know that I have a group of friends that not only welcomed me with open arms, but have also been a source of strength for me. I’ve said it a few times, and I’ll say it again: if it wasn’t for these girls, I’d probably be dead.
Fact of the matter is, these girls have rallied around me and have made sure I know they’re a support behind me. They’ve also made substantial efforts to show they’re willing to help, even when I continued to push them away. I hate asking for help, not because of my pride, but because of fear of inconvenience. I know it sounds like I’m beating a dead horse, but I built my own walls for a number of reasons. Defense mechanism for one, but also in how I perceive both utilizing my friends as a resource and what has happened from my own experience. I can be clingy, and obsessive. I’ve been called out on it by most of my biological family, who’ve also teased me about it among countless other things. Needless to say, I’m quite wary and especially self-conscious about being expressive. I try not to let it stop me, and I guess I should stop caring since the same people who picked on me for it have scrubbed my existence from their lives. As far as they’re concerned, I was never born.
That being said, there are a few who acknowledge my existence, and while I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the fact that this group of seven girls took me in as one of their own even as I weathered one of my many cyclical lows in life, I know one thing’s for sure.
I think the best way to summarize is with something I almost never ever do.
“To all of those who have helped me through what has undoubtedly been some of the lowest of lows, and the darkest of dark times. To those who continued to root for me even when I was ready to bow out. To those who had faith and confidence in me, even when I had none in myself. To those who persisted with me and for me, especially when I exhausted mine. To those who feverishly made yourselves my supporters in a time when I had none. To those who kept me fighting, and to those who fought with me, and yes, even sometimes for me.
From the bottom of my heart,
Friends For Life.
That’s what you are to me.”