//------------------------------// // 3. Getting Acquainted // Story: Blazing Capes // by TJAW //------------------------------// Marked Target “Hello, Mr. Target? We’ve found your father’s last will and testament.” A female voice. “Please be at the building within three hours.” “Ugh, got it.” I hung up and yawned. Another shower, focused solely on hygiene. Gotta stay fresh. Got out my tie. Called a cab. Endured bad polka and the fatflank cabbie bitching about the new soft drink size restriction Mayor Bridleburg was imposing. Hit my head repeatedly in a vain attempt to knock myself out, only to remember I was mostly invulnerable. One agonizing and expensive ride later, I was at the Target Industries building. I walked in like I owned the place, because I probably did. I hoped. I was careful not to piss anypony off or seem too confident, even though I was (hopefully) the most loaded fucking superhero ever. I wore a straight face as I walked up to the receptionist. “I’m here for the reading of my father’s last will and testament.” “Sixty-ninth floor, sir.” Immaturity levels rising. Must maintain professional composure. I snickered despite my best efforts. Damn it, dad! Even in death you torment me, you bastard! I entered the elevator, which was refreshingly hygienic compared to the one in my apartment, and empty except for me. I punched in the sixty-ninth floor. The whole thing was roomy and clean, and did I mention it didn’t smell like hobo piss? The elevator lurched upwards at an agonizingly slow pace. “WHO-O-OOOOOOOAH” The speakers begam to sing in an autotuned-as-fuck female voice. Sometimes I really hate you dad. “I swear to Celestia, I will murder the shitter who put this music in this elevator if I ever find out who it was.” Princess Celestia Marked Target of New Yoke City swears to Celestia he will murder the shitter who installed a damn troll program in the elevator he occupies if he ever finds out who it was. I groaned. Ponies were getting way to loose with their oaths these days. I really needed to find a way to hold them to it. “What is it, Tia?” Luna asked. “Just another one, Lulu. Death threat.” I turned the page of the Canterlot Post. “I would do something about it, but it’s in NYC, so the stallion will probably do it even if I tip the cops off.” “What are ya gonna do?” Luna said, resigned. “Burn Equestria to ash,” I deadpanned. “Good one!” She laughed. I sighed. Marked Target One Celestia-awful song later, I arrived at the sixty-ninth floor. The elevator opened to reveal a long hallway with only a single door at the end. No doubt about it, dad meant for this level to be used to troll others. I walked down the hallway and opened the door to find a single bespectacled, severe-looking unicorn sitting behind a desk. “You’re here. I can start now,” He said. I guess I was the only one attending. The lawyer cleared his throat. “‘I, Hard Target, being of sound mind and body,’” He began. That's a laugh. “Hereby bequeath the entirety of my estate to my only son, ‘Marky-Mark’ Wahlberg.” “Who!?” “‘Just yanking your chain son. It actually goes to you. My company, money, and… A boot to the head.’” A brown leather boot flew out of the wall and struck me in the head. I feigned pain from the assault even though I didn't feel anything. “It goes on to list a variety of contingencies, only one of which applies.” Once again, he cleared his throat. “‘If I am killed by criminals, I leave it to you to avenge my death and become a superhero. Now, this can’t technically be enforced, but your long-lost younger half-sister, my illegitimate daughter, Pinkie Pie, whose mother was smokin' hot once upon a time, gave me a method of enforcing this. Included is a diagram on the Pinkie Promise. This is the condition of usurping my wealth. Upon completing this step, all assets of Target Enterprises will be under your control, and my money will be directly transferred to your bank account.’” I glanced at it and followed it to the letter. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” I grumbled. I swear I heard the word “Foorreeeveeeerrr…” after I said it, which scared me. It didn’t sound like it came from the room either. “‘And lastly, to the executor of my will, I leave…’ Oh dear Celestia…” A boot flew from the wall and struck the lawyer, knocking him out cold. Wuss. I could’ve taken that even if I weren’t invulnerable. I left the room and called down to the lobby to arrange to have my things moved from my apartment to the penthouse floor of the TI building. I also inquired as to the location of the R&D department, which was located in the basement. After that, I got in the elevator and pushed the button to go to the basement level. While there wasn’t any annoying music playing on the way down, it still took an agonizing amount of time to reach my destination. When I reached the basement, a bald, white pegasus was waiting for me. He immediately held out his hoof, which I bumped with my own. “Cue Balls sir, pleasure to meet you,” He said in a Bittish accent. “I assume you’re here for your superhero equipment? I ask because you’ve obviously been granted clearance to access this level, meaning several things. One, you have finally inherited your father’s business; two, because of the circumstances of his death you are obligated by Pinkie Promise to become a superhero, which I know because we all have a clause in our contracts informing us of this contingency. Don’t worry, it’s also in our contracts to not divulge any secrets; technological or otherwise. All potential security leaks are planned for ahead of time, so no disgruntled employees will divulge anything.” I was flabbergasted by his comfort with the whole superheroes and secrets thing. Maybe he’d had prior experience doling out gadgets for other ponies with secret identities. “So, um, Mr. Balls,” I snickered. Sometimes I forget how vulnerable I am to bodily humor. Maybe that’s another weakness of mine. “Perhaps you should just call me ‘Cue’.” “Okay Cue,” I began without a hint of laughter. “Just an FYI, I-” “Have superpowers, we know. This basement is the only place that can detect and identify powers and weaknesses. Another piece of your father’s contingency plan. Pyrokinesis, enhanced strength and speed, extreme durability and aversion to cold?” My jaw dropped to the floor, literally. I know, that doesn’t seem physically possible. “Perhaps I should add ‘elastic jaw’ to that list,” Cue said without breaking verbal stride. “Okay, do you have some machine that automatically teaches me how to make the most effective use of my powers?” I asked him sarcastically after picking up my jaw. “Grow up- Um, I mean, no. That’s what magic is for. Oi, Beardface!” A bearded unicorn a few dozen yards away turned to face me and Cue, obviously irritated. “It’s Beardfacé, dammit!” “Mr. Target needs that ‘teach-you-how-to-use-your-powers-because-you’re-too-bloody-lazy-to-practice’ spell! Mr. Target, walk over to the nice stallion and hold still.” The part addressed to me was said in a kind tone that contrasted the harsh yelling he began with. I walked over to Beardy, who grumbled about changing his name or something, and cast a spell with a yellow aura that surrounded my whole body and lifted me several yard above the floor. I actually caught fire about halfway through the spell “Spontaneous eruption of applicable elemental powers is expected,” McFacialhair muttered. After about sixteen minutes (there was a large digital clock on the wall), I dropped to the ground. As weird as it sounds, I suddenly knew how to manipulate my powers on a basic level. Of course, it was mostly theory, so I’d have to put effort into actually using them efficiently. Cue escorted me to a room full of dummies and watched from the other side of a thick glass wall, and I went to town on dummies. Punches, kicks, headbutts; my martial prowess had been significantly enhanced by my powers. The next thing to come was a bipedal robot. I stood on my hind legs - which is something they teach you to do in the military in order to use firearms - and began pelting it with fireballs. In no time, the machine was reduced to a slag heap. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that being a superhero was gonna be awesome. “Might I interest you in designing your costume?” Cue asked over the intercom. I spent the next few hours going over the intricacies of my costume and gear. I decided to exclude a cape, since it’d serve no purpose and was too showy for me anyway. For my suit, I had a durable deep blue fireproof bodysuit covered by thin but tough navy blue composite plates. The purpose of the plates was to house electronic systems, such as heaters to help reduce my vulnerability to cold somewhat, a radio to monitor police chatter, and a plethora of other systems. I requested that there be a hatch in the nether regions so I could excrete solid and liquid waste. I figured it’d blow if there were a lot of crimes one night and I had to fight the whole night through while marinating in my own juices. I also requested that my jaw could move unhindered. Cue promised to have it ready within a few days. The Great and Powerful Trixie Trixie followed the hooligans by rooftop, using the cape she enchanted to fly between buildings. She watched as the bumbling policeponies finally disabled her prey, and chased it into a large alley. They fought like cornered animals, injuring several officers of the law before Trixie decided her entrance would make a suitable impact. “No need to fear, the Mysterious Mare Do Well is here!” The Great and Powerful Trixie announced. Trixie descended from the rooftop, and cast a powerful ward that blocked the thieves’ bullets. She followed with a flurry of magical blasts to incapacitate them and bound them together using a spell. “Hooves up!” Trixie heard, presumably from ungrateful cops. She turned to see she was right, as always. “What crime do you plan on taking the Mare Do Well in for, Commissioner?” “Vigilantes aren’t welcome in this city.” Trixie brought up another shield as she tried to escape, only to be kicked in the face by what must have been the most despicable evildoer of all time! Gilda Grimwing So I’m scoping a target for my first heist as Talonetta when some random ponies hit it. That pissed me off a bit, but they weren’t half-bad at what they did, so I decided to catch a few shots with my camera, figuring I could sell ‘em maybe. They got out with some gems, the cops came after them, and some purple-caped hero with a dumb hat followed them by rooftop. I followed too. I saw them get crash and get cornered when I decided I should intervene and take the jewels myself. I hid in an alley, pulled my eyemask from my black backpack, and put on my dark red muscle suit. It covered all of me, including my wings, but not my head and neck. I took a pair of P14-45s out and flew above the fight. It looked like that hero had finished off the thugs, and the cops were giving her a hard time. I jumped down and stomped on her head, only to realize that she was projecting a ward to defend against bullets. The police, who had just gotten backup, opened fire on me. I went for a shootdodge and fired at my attackers, scoring several hits with the .45s and killing several cops. They hit me too, but that didn’t bother me much. After emptying the magazines, I reloaded behind cover and holstered the pistols. This time, I flew up and charged my sheathed talons with electricity before raining lightning on them. Their gun’s metallic pieces relayed the charge into their hooves, causing them to drop their weapons and paralyzing some of them. I threw a thunderball at one of them, which sent him flying backwards into the wall. The rest of them fled, dragging their buddies away. I let them escape. After all, afraid was even better than dead, because it was more easily spread. “Tell ‘em Talonetta sent you running!” I yelled. I might as well get my name out there before they give me some shitty nickname. I grabbed the loot and walked up to the unconscious hero. With my free claw, I drew my pistol and whipped the sleeping mare awake. “Wake up, sleeping ugly! Seriously, how bad do you look that you gotta wear that mask? Or do you just have bad teeth?” “Nopony talks to Tri- uh, the Mysterious Mare Do Well that way!” She shot a bolt of magic at me, which I cleanly dodged. “I really have to thank you for distracting those pigs for me. I’ll see you around, maybe next time I’ll let you hit me with your lame magic.” I flew off and headed for one of the safe changing areas in the city I’d memorized, where I took off the suit and mask. The muscle suit had repaired itself, which was good because I didn’t want to be running around with a shredded suit. I headed back to my place and stashed the guns, loot and my costume. There was a bullet-hole in my backpack, but it was a small one, probably from one of the 9mms the cops pack here. I ignored it and just put the backpack with the rest of my regular stuff.