Dear Twibitch,
You know, I thought that stupid map would send each pony on a mission before sending the same one on another one. That apparently is not the case because it decided to send Bright Bitch and I on a friendship mission to Mareami. Why the hell couldn't it have send me and Trixie instead? We could have went to one of the mares' pleasure paradises down there and had fun but oh no, it just had to send me with that greedy, sex obsessed protege of your bitch sister's.
Neither one of us were thrilled to have to go down there together but it wouldn't take long to find our problem. As it turns out, a very wealthy pony was having issues deciding which one of his kids should be given the position of CEO at a major bank down there. The two were fighting non-stop trying to win over their father's favor. They had been making investments trying to see who got the bigger return, they were seeing whose plan would cheat their customers more and hell, they even lowered themselves to seeing who could do a better job cleaning his office better.
Well in the end we got the three together and told him, well it was mostly me, that he should just give both of them an equal share. He was remaining as president of the bank so it wasn't like it would matter that much. Now that was the easy part. The hard part was keeping Bright Beam from allowing us to get home at a decent time. Thanks to her, we spent several days more down there than we should have.
First I saw her pick something up off the ground and then rush off Faust knows where. Hell I didn't even see her until a couple mornings later after that. When I finally did see her again, she reeked of girlcum and jasmine. I also discovered she had a Mareami Mares' Pleasure Paradise napkin on her. I should have known she went off to some lesbo ho club. You know something, this is yet another thing that proves I am more fit to run that school. I am committed to a very lovely mare while Bright Bitch will go and screw anything with a pussy.
Well what matters is that we succeeded in our mission. Now I want to know something, shouldn't I at least get something for completing a map mission, especially given I was hindered by a bitch who only cared about getting laid? I think it would be really cool if you fined Bright Beam's parents over this and give it to me!
Finishing Map Missions Like a Boss,
Luster (The Moral One) Dawn
Dear Luster,
You know something, you seem really pissy over completing a map mission. I am glad that you solved the problem but I am not thrilled that you wasted so much more in the way of government funds by staying longer and then have the audacity to blame Bright Beam for it. You do realize you could have come home early don't you? I swear, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with you. If you were smart like me, you would have accompanied Bright Beam to the lesbians' club and had some fun.
Now what she found on the ground I'm not sure but I have a feeling that you are just jealous yet you are so afraid that Trixie will think that you "cheated" on her that she will give you a Great and Powerful Punishment. Hell I can't help but wonder if maybe you are becoming henpecked, which is something that I would highly disapprove of!
I have some advice, if something like this happens in the future, just join whoever you are sent with and go out and have fun with them. Back in the day map missions were solely about business but hey, Bright Beam took advantage of a good situation. I'm sure she is even happier now that she has let her mane down.
Upset You Might Be Henpecked,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
P.S. I am NOT going to fine Bright Beam's parents just so you can have some money for finishing the map mission! I sure the hell didn't get paid for them so neither will you.
Dear Starlight,
Well somehow I completed that map mission despite having Twilight's bitchy little protege along for the ride. I swear, all she did the whole damn time was bitch, whine and complain. She was bitching about not being able to keep an eye on Cozy, she was bitching about Spike eating her out of house and home and she was bitching about not having Trixie to hold close all the time. What the fuck is up with her? Why the hell would a little narcissist like her mean so much to her?
Well anyway, our mission involved the president of Bank of Equestria and him deciding which son to give the position of CEO to. His sons did nothing but fight and try to outdo one another from everything to investing, seducing the tellers and even cleaning his damn office. In the end I told him to make them co-CEOs and that way, everypony would win! Well that happened and then our cutie marks glowed, success!
Now on the way back to the hotel, I found an extremely rare Abyssinian gold coin on the sidewalk so I took it to a local coin dealer and it was worth two million bits! Now luckily Equestria Federal Credit Union has branches all over Equestria so I went over to the branch there and opened multiple savings accounts since accounts are only protected up to 250,000 bits.
Now once I get home, I am going to transfer those accounts over to my parents so that they can buy themselves a totally kick ass house and then not have to worry about so much. I feel so good that not only did I finish a mission but also that I can make life for my parents so much better. After all, they deserve so much more than that small two bedroom, one bath house they live in now! Well anyway, I probably should get going because Luster is whining about us getting going and I don't want to have to put up with her any more than is absolutely necessary!
Giving My Parents Money,
Bright Beam
P.S. Oh and in the event Luster bitches to Twilight about it, I kind of went to a lesbian pleasure club and had a ton of fun. I won't go into much detail but let's just say some ponies know more advanced pleasure spells than even I do!
Dear Bright Beam,
Congratulations! I am so incredibly proud of you that not only did you finish that friendship mission but also that you found that coin and are going to be so generous. All I can say is wow! How in Equestria could anycreature be so careless that they would lose that valuable of a coin on the sidewalk. Well what matters is that you found it and the funds will be going to a good cause.
Now I do agree that your parents deserve better and I think you are spending the money you got for that coin the way you are. This right here is proof that you are the caring generous protege. Hell Luster probably would have went and blown it all on pointless shit that she wouldn't need and then she'd still do nothing but bitch, whine and complain all the time!
Oh and about you going to the club, don't worry about it. Look at it as a post-mission reward and I will say this though, you better study up on your pleasure magic because I certainly don't want my protege being outdone by anypony! Anyway, I'll let you get going so you don't have to listen to anymore of Luster Ditz's complaining.
Proud of You,
Starlight
Dear Bright Bitch,
Well after having Cozy Glow do some undercover investigating I found out about all the shit you did after we finished that map mission. I found out about that Abyssinian coin and the pleasure paradise. What I would love to know is why the hell would you give two million bits to your damn parents? Why not keep it yourself and add on to that mansion that the Lesbo Sisters gave to you or why not open your own lesbians only club here in Ponyville? You know what your problem is Bright Bitch, you are way too nice. You go putting other ponies ahead of yourself, except when it comes to my parents. You'll help anypony else in need but you bill my parents and get a kick out of it.
What I'd like to know is what the hell you did in that pleasure paradise. I know it is a lesbians only club so I know it is only the type of stuff you, your harem and the incest sisters would be into. I know that nopony in there was likely the type to commit. They were likely all like you, meaningless horn sex along with all sorts of other disgusting activities. Hell I'm surprised that you didn't bring one or two home with you to add to that harem of yours.
Well I just hope the hell that we don't have to go on another map mission because I despise being part of the reason that your family is now going to be two million bits richer. Look at it this way, you owe me. You owe me for your precious parents going to be richer. Had we not been at the right place at the right time, which wouldn't have happened had you been alone, you wouldn't have found that coin so I think you should at least give me a couple hundred thousand bits because of this.
Now if you will excuse me, I have sent Spike and Cozy over to Sweet Apple Acres and Trixie and I are going to have a wonderful evening and night together full of truly romantic things that only couples deeply in love take part in. In other words, things that an amoral bitch like you will never experience!
Getting Ready for a Wonderful Evening With Trixie,
Luster Dawn
Dear Luster "Crybaby" Ditz,
Blow it all out your ass bitch. The past is the past and you're not getting any of that money I'm giving my parents, got it?
Signed,
Bright Beam