//------------------------------// // Grand Epilogue, A New Era: Just a lazy day, with a side of pie. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Airship Mauled, in a tree outside of Mango Liquid Refreshment’s home, Jade- I lazily sat in the tree sipping away at a fruit smoothie produced by Mr. Refreshment, I was trying to relax on my day off from shenanigans. I was being particularly thoughtful about my life up to this point. I wasn’t a hero, at least not a very good one if I was to be considered as such. I’ve done quite a few bad things and couldn’t fully be called one. I’ve done some heroic things, but I’m a rogue through and through. My antics could be considered playful or downright crazy and sometimes led to good outcomes. I wasn’t invincible, as all my scars would only prove that my body has been put through the wringer more than once. I was at least mentally strong enough to come back to my loved ones time and again. Where my body might have failed me, my heart would not stop beating for them. I wasn’t the fastest, I was surely swift footed though and could outmaneuver many. Gene, Rainbow Dash and quite a few others beings can naturally move faster than me. Flying kind of made it easy for them though. I could fly too, but I was better off on foot than magically granted flight, it was fairly obvious that I didn’t want permanent wings sprouting from my back with aspects of the day, night or love involved in their power. Goodness knows what Twilight’s ‘Power of Friendship would do to the wings I could get from one of her feathers. I wasn’t the strongest, that title should go to Arizona who can rip me and just about anyone in Airship Mauled apart with her bare hooves. Only Velvet and Paprika could be said to match her physical might with their own unique brand of strengths. I would say that my strength is in being able to take a hit as much avoid one, but even they and Jacky were better at that than even I was. I wasn’t the most beautiful, but that didn’t mean I didn’t have some looks. I just didn’t see much of it myself or really care all too much, but I did know that I’m fun to snuggle at the very least and make for a decent sleep aid. Beauty was fleeting anyway and in the eye of the beholder, to hold onto it forever seems vain to me unless you were a god or goddess. Maries and Fizzy were definitely attracted to me and that’s all I needed really as far as beauty goes. I wasn’t the wisest, mom, Fizzy and plenty of others were wiser than I. My tendency to steal things should get me into more trouble than it does honestly, but I don’t steal things that other people would miss so I can at least say… I’m fairly intelligent. My greatest strength is being able to use my mind to plan to do the impossible and pull it off. Even then there are still plenty that are smarter than I, most of them are gods though and most people can’t follow the angles I see things at. I’m surprised anyone would ever follow my lead. I would say Teatime was my rival when it comes to intelligence, but I wouldn’t want to poach Jacky’s rival from her. That and Teatime was fairly annoying and I wouldn’t want him as a rival personally, I think I actually preferred Shining Armor as a distant rival. Even if he was a cheat-y-mc-barrier face that can catch me far easier than most beings could. Instead of thinking of the things I’m not, I should be thinking of the things I am or how I got here. I should be a bit more positive, considering how far I’ve gotten and where I’ve been. To think I still haven’t seen the rest of the world with Jacky yet. I sat up on the tree branch and looked at the forests surrounding my home. The town of Airship Mauled was somewhat surrounded by forests and was full of airship shaped homes, a number of them were actual airships and others were airship themed homes. All of them seemed quaint, they even fit the general region and the name of our town. There was Grace’s Helping Hoof Inn, my fire, the restaurant, Dr. Permanganate’s home, Mr. Refreshments home, Wary Berry’s house and all the other places where all of my friends lived. This place is a home that started years ago built from the ground up. We were the center of this place, the heart of it maybe, but the heart would continue to survive without us now. The town might even continue to thrive without us, but it wouldn’t exist if we all hadn’t come together here. I’m a decent friend, at least I tried to be. I mean I tend to annoy everyone else with my antics and I’ve made a few mistakes here and there. Yet they still like me anyway, so I must be doing something right. I can fight, but without my magical alchemy abilities I’d be dead several times over by now. Without that magic I’m a mostly normal Abyssinian. I’m so happy that I can even do some form of magic that I don’t think about it too hard. Now if only I had a yellow handbag with crosses and dots marking it… probably wouldn’t be able to use it. That legendary item required that I don’t talk about how to do the magic and just feel it out, it also require that I didn’t use the magic for evil or spite. I could avoid talking about how the magic worked, nobody could figure out magical alchemy from just watching me and mom do it all the time. It’s the not using the bag for evil or spite that would eventually trip me up, because I define the word ‘petty’ when someone touches my family with ill intent. I can be helpful, in whatever way I might be needed. Does Arizona need me to hold something in place while she hammers it down? Does Jacky need me to wrap one of her many daily wounds? What if Mom asks me to be a temporary waitress? Does Skelly need a plan for how to keep Minos from going out of control and to stay as a peaceful nation? I can do all those things, except for Minos as Fortitude being alive somehow equated to the minotaurs continuing to be being peaceful. I couldn’t run the numbers, but I have a pretty good picture that Fortitude’s being king was somehow related to resulting in a perfectly balanced nation being as chaotically boring as possible. I’m at a loss to explain it and Fortitude didn’t care why it works, just that it did and he was happy that they were happy. I can be stupidly brave, I didn’t see anyone else without wings or a gliding implement jumping off the side of Canterlot. I also put myself in the path of danger numerous times for my friends and family, I ultimately plan things to my detriment as long as it helps the people I care about I was a priestess of the sun, which was not a very demanding job as the sun just wants me to say hello at least once a week, and I’m also an adorable scamp of a rogue kitty. Being a fun and lovable rogue is what made me happy, but now… what makes me happy… was being a mother. I was a little afraid of raising a child at first. Mind you, you’d be afraid too if you had to be next to Maries while they were giving birth, but I really did love our little Silvers. Cute, dangerous and will eventually realize those adorable wings on her back are not just for flapping in excitement, Silvers means the world to our herd. My nephew Gavin means a lot to me too. Honestly I always wanted family and love, but getting it? I had little idea what to do, besides embrace it for all I was worth and never let go. Even Jackass means a lot to me. Not that I’d ever tell the annoying antlered bunny, that has gotten quite a few things by me, to his face. That little git moved to Ponyville when I was gone and I heard he was sad about me not being around anymore, but he came back to live here just so he can annoy me once again when he found out I was alive. Never mind the fact that Mr. Jack hugged one of my legs the first time he saw me again while crying, our mutual annoyance of one another almost seemed like a sibling rivalry, almost. His antlers were pretty useful in my mom’s witchery, he freely gives them to us even. All he asks for in return is a good chase, I think I understand him pretty well on that front. In all… I was just Jaded La Perm. Sure I wasn’t an average Abyssinian either by any stretch of the imagination with the notable stark raving lunacy I get up to, but otherwise life would be boring if I wasn’t decently crazy in an insane world like this one. To think I remembered how all of this started perfectly, there I was standing on the deck of the airship we crashed on Sekhet. Ponies, Abyssinians and a few other flightless species were milling about, none of the beings onboard could fly naturally. I saw the spreading rainbow wave and thought it was beautiful, up until the airship was almost blown entirely out of the sky by it. I manage to cling to the deck while everyone else fell into the sea, mom was on the back end of the boat and thus the raven feather incident and me falling on Fluttershy. To think that had happened so long ago. Wished we had a few people with wings to perform some rescues, but then I might have never met Fluttershy. The cute little awkwardly long legged filly who grew and went from an adorable cutie to a graceful and loving beauty. “Hello Jade.” Hearing Fluttershy speak up almost sent me flailing out of the tree, only she righted me and made sure I wouldn’t fall. “Oh I’m sorry, but um…” “Did you need something Fluttershy?” She didn’t come to find me for no reason after all. I quickly finished off my smoothie before something happened to it. “I was just wondering if you wanted to help with building an animal sanctuary… here in Airship Mauled that is.” Quirking a look at Fluttershy, she hid her face slightly in her mane. She had come a long way to being assertive, judging by the way she smiled she wasn’t as shy as she was before. “I also wanted to see how my friends abroad were doing. My pony friends and I might not be seeing Twilight as much anymore, but at least we try to stay in contact with her. If I can do that with Twilight, then I should at the very least be able stay in contact with all of my other friends here. Twilight is always so dreadfully busy these days and I don’t want to bother her too much, also did you really need to make Jacky Queen of Equestria? Twilight is still going over every single law Equestria has ever had because of that.” “Yes.” I stated as bluntly as possible as Fluttershy took a seat next to me. “Mostly because it was funny, and we gave both nations right back at the end of the day Fluttershy!” “This place sure has grown a lot, I can hardly recognize the newer parts of it.” Fluttershy stared at all the people wandering around our town and the early morning marketplace. “The old parts are still the same, after so many years. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.” “Yeah, this place is great!” Shouted Pinkie, who popped up out of nowhere. I yowled, lost my balance and started to fall out of the tree, thankfully before my skull could hit the ground, I was caught in a levitation field and saw Fizzy sighing with relief. “You okay Jade?” Fizzy asked with a worried look, she came up to nuzzle me in the face. “I’m fine Fizzy, thanks to you!” Grinning at my favorite mare, I just had to say it. “Nice catch by the way.” “Hm… this fish doesn’t seem big enough for a meal, maybe I should throw you back…” Teasing me was something Fizzy and only a few others could do without repercussions or a petty kitty cavalcade of pranks or mass destruction. Mass destruction to be saved only for true enemies and when they really obviously deserved it. I’m not doing a repeat of what I did to Stochastic by making someone have an immense mental breakdown and then making it worse by empowering the person in question. I’m just going to leave out the second part this time no matter how ironic it is to pull it off. “I’ll grant your wishes if you don’t throw me back.” I gave her a pleading look. “I don’t think that’s how the magic fish story goes Jade… at least not in the bedtime stories you’ve been reading to Silvers.” She kissed me lightly on the lips, then turned a scowl to Pinkie. “Pinkie, Jade is not Rainbow Dash. I do not want my kitty to getting concussions, do you understand me!” “Yes, and I’m sorry!” Pinkie only wilted a tiny bit and then popped back up to peppy. “Which is why I had a Pinkie sense to bring apology cookies and or other assorted goodies!” “What happened to the usual apology cupcakes?” Being sat on the ground upright, I looked up to see Pinkie taking a seat next to Fluttershy. “Totally out of cupcake mix, even all of my emergency stocks all around Equestria! Twilight likely has an embargo on them after my latest prank to make her job seem less boring than it is...” After shooting me a slight grin, Pinkie motioned to the sack she held and then dropped it down to me. “Here, you go!” I swiftly caught it and opened it up, I immediately looked up to Pinkie with a grin as I reached into the sack. “A Pony Joe tiger-tail… apology accepted!” I quickly pulled out a strawberry tiger-tail and started to gnaw at the sugary treat while wagging my tail, Fizzy looked into the bag and levitated out a peanut butter cookie. “… Fine… I accept it as well.” It took Fizzy time to consider the large soft and chewy looking cookie, before taking a large bite out of it while looking sternly at a smiling Pinkie. Fizzy looked cute when she was angrily chewing a cookie, but I’m horribly biased in the respect that I always think she’s doing something cute. She’d never admit to that or being beautiful, but she will admit to being fierce. “So what was that about helping you build a sanctuary here?” I watched as Fluttershy perk up and fluttered to the ground to tell me her idea. Am I happy here? I’d say so, because personally I don’t see anything wrong with my life at the moment. Well aside from the vast amounts of psychological trauma I’m still dealing with, I do need to schedule a few more appointments with Anubis. Maybe I can even see Sandy again considering she’s still in his employ. Silvers and my wives certainly helped with my mental state, they were so precious to me. I still needed the therapy no matter how happy they make me, Anubis also needs his therapy session to try and get over his completely understandable fear of cakes. It didn’t help that after I used that cake against him, cakes became a thing to be celebrated on ones day of birth as a sign of something to possibly stave off death. Also to bring cheerfulness to said person and friends of the person receiving said cake, one of the few things Baast let slide when it came to information embargo of that part of history. It’s frankly why birthday cakes are traditional in Equestria and yet the history on why was lost thanks to Baast. I felt my empty cup bonk me on the head and I looked up at Pinkie with a glare and an angry hiss escaping my lips. “Whoops, sorry Jade!” After Pinkie apologized, I sighed and then started to giggle loudly. -Sekhet’s Pyramid, Sekhet- Well I’ve actually finished off my paperwork, Twilight wasn’t very good at getting back at me. She had the ‘domain of friendship’, but she didn’t have the ‘domain of war’ to fight paperwork half as well as I could. It’s why I sent her an order for a fresh cheesy quesadilla in response, she’ll know what it means when she gets it and the letter arrives. I’ve got plenty of free time, mostly because I actually do all my work instead of putting it off like some people, I’m used to doing a lot of unsavory things to prepare for war and paperwork wasn’t any different. Being a physical education instructor for the local school was fun, being Kuril’s secretary was boring and I didn’t exactly have much else to do at the moment. I only have one acolyte in Fortitude and I could feasibly talk to him a bit about maybe getting the minotaurs to send some worshippers my way. I was already gaining the interest of the few that came to live here with their king and act as liaisons between here and their home. He’s the friendliest yak that I know about and was quite infinitely patient, he really understood the meaning of ‘souls are sacred’. Even Skeletal Noria’s soul was sacred in my purview, as moderately messed up as it was… hers wasn’t exactly tarnished. I was a little annoyed that my sister Baast moved in next door with a pyramid of a similar size to mine, but it wasn’t like she had much to do in the given area of Ancient Anugypt aside from talk to echoes of the past. Said echoes now own the pyramid that Jade still had ownership of. Baast did move some of those serpopards into her home next door here at Airship Mauled, including the one that I liked in particular… so I’ll give her a fair pass on that. She was really quite talented with serpopards Baast and I have been making up for the distance and gulf between us as sisters, same as what Celestia did with Luna as soon as she stopped being Nightmare Moon. There’s an interesting story and the Nightmares really liked pulling out the dark sides of those of us who weren’t prepared for them, nasty little things that really shouldn’t toy with souls like they do. They kept getting their comeuppance at the very least, friendship, harmony and magic seemed to be their anathema in the extreme. Still the sisters could learn to live with each other, which they are currently doing, so I figured why can’t I live with my sister who prefers to run around at flail-tail size? Aside from the fact that she’s annoying me to the ends of my sanity to make some passes at Celestia, I could court her at my pace on my own thank you very much! Now what could we do as a joint project? Idle paws lead to troublesome and overgrown claws. “Hey Sekhet, do we have room for an animal sanctuary around here?” Huh, how fortuitous of you Jade, you brought me a possibly solution. It’ll at least put a stop my troublesome sister that keeps trying to get me to lay with another. “Also we might need someone to take care of it.” Speaking of, how has Baast not run out of her blasted twisted euphemisms yet?! “Yes, actually, though it would be a really bad idea to place it anywhere near Barely Bearable Woods.” That would cause a few incidents and the woods were full of predators that were mostly opportunistic, they would attack a sanctuary if they smelled blood and easy prey. My presence, along with Baast and that of the illusion rabbit Sugar were keeping quite a number of the smarter predators well away from us. Thankfully things like the Sumatran Rat wouldn’t be a problem, it’s a good thing patrol saw that thing. Someone must have accidentally brought one over from Abyssinia, thankfully it doesn’t seem to have a breeding partner. I would know, I’ve actually checked for the possibility of a blade bellied giant tentacle rat incursion. “The south eastern side would be better then, that would leave the south western open for an airship crash zone and we might want to expand town a little out the east side. I don’t think we can get too much bigger beyond the tracks though and it will make the town more oval shaped.” What a sharp mind you have Jade, you are a sun priestess worthy of the title as much as being my friend. “What are your thoughts on this?” “I’m okay as long as we bring it to Kuril’s attention that we are almost running out of places for airships to crash, we should probably set up that designated crash zone where we cannot build anything at all.” I’m surprised that nobody has died in the thousands of airship crashes that happen routinely around here, it kind of boggles the mind really that none of the mortals have had a mortal injury while I have been brutalized completely numerous times. Only a few cases of bad whiplash or a few other minor problems that our local hospital has taken care of readily and easily at that. “Any added territory to Airship Mauled will not be tax free, as previously given to us by Jacky.” “Yeah, that was just something fun to do after we temporarily conquered Equestria and the Crystal Empire functionally at the same time.” Jade snickered audibly, she was a fairly devious and fun being in that respect. I welcomed the current distraction from what would have been the onset of boredom. “I know Fluttershy can’t run more than one sanctuary personally effectively, it’ll require someone to keep watch of it to make sure the animals don’t get rowdy. Have anyone on the docket that can fill the position? Aside from Snickers, since she applied for the job and here’s her application. The little guardian wouldn’t be able to keep the peace because of her size, but she certainly had the heart for it. I honestly took the application and gave it a once over, I’ll honestly consider it. “I’m already holding down three jobs and doing most of Kuril’s paperwork so she won’t have to worry about it, which is why I’m going to suggest we give my sister something to do with her time… instead of annoying me and making continuous attempts at trying my patience. Snickers would be best in an advisory role though.” Just throwing out a feeler to see if Jade thinks it’s plausible that my sister wouldn’t mind running a sanctuary. One that will likely be frequented by serpopards. “Do you suppose Baast would leave me alone if I could somehow get Discord to be consistently present or give her a job of caring for animals?” “Let’s see secretary, physical education teacher and… oh right you’re also the guild runner which doubles as our local banker.” Jade rubbed at her chin while eyeing me curiously. “You do have a lot to do don’t you?” “Not at the moment no, I’m actually free for the day.” I stated honestly. “I’m sure Baast could and would do it, she’s already spending a lot of time helping Paprika, Velvet and a few other local mares through their pregnancies.” Well Jade just made my day, I might need some help to convince Baast to do it. “An animal sanctuary is not beyond her and she might even look forward to helping out with it, makes me wonder why gods don’t get day jobs more often if it helps them understand the plight of mortals better.” I was about to say something in answer to the rhetorical query when we were all suddenly interrupted by an intrusion into my home. They were quite underwhelming. “Stick them up, this is a bank robbery!” Stated one of the three earth ponies that ran in wielding piping hot pies, wearing bandanas and other classical western gear. “You don’t and we’ll ruin your day… also your fur!” They probably just got off a train from Appleoosa and decided to buy fresh pies to try and rob the local bank with, that being my home. “That… has got to be the absolute dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in recent history.” Loudly muttered Fluttershy who started to rub at her head with a hoof as she fluttered in. She wasn’t the only one getting a headache from the sheer stupidity of this bank robbery. “That’s even knowing that I’m one of Pinkie Pies best friends.” “Yeah, I agree and… hey… wait a minute!” Pinkie, who just zipped in, immediately frowned at Fluttershy. Said buttery pony just rolled her eyes in a cynical manner. Pinkie sighed and hugged Fluttershy, forgiving her immediately. The robbers looked confused and Jade just pulled out her yo-yo and started to idly play with it. She glanced at me and titled her head at the most idiotic bank robbers to ever exist, they were trying to rob a goddess with pies after all. “You do realize you’re trying to rob a bank run by a war goddess right?” Jade stated idly while continuing to toss her yo-yo down, she always brought it back up lazily a few seconds later. “What part of this plan was ever going to work?” “Well it’s worked before, the mare running the last bank we robbed didn’t want her fur to be messed up.” The one mare in the group stated looking slightly like a deer having a flashlight shined in her eyes. “I don’t mind getting messy or free pie, what did you spend the last of your money on them or something?” That would have been sad Jade. The silence for the next minute or so was kind of telling. “Yes.” The third earth pony admitted. “They are still hot and can burn you a bit at the very least!” “Not if they have cooled down as much as they seemed to over the last minute or so.” The three dumb robbers looked to the pies in their hooves at Jade’s words. Jade turned to me with a bored look on her face. “Should I deal with them, or do I let Bracing Knight do her job?” Bracing Knight was standing behind the three earth ponies looking bored with this situation as Jade and I was, considering she had just arrived and was watching this with an utterly flat look on her face. The three earth ponies soon started to argue among themselves and it just quickly devolved into being something really quite sad that they were fighting over the lack of funds, their lack of a plan for how to deal with a goddess or the lack of any hope of getting any money out of this after spending it on pie. “Everybody quiet, I’ve got a pie too and I know how to use it!” Pinkie decided to get in on what I assume was starting to become a ‘Mexicolt Standoff’ that started up between the three pie holding robbers. She pulled said pie directly from her mane without getting any of her hair on it or in it, she took aim at one of them with her own pie. “Well this situation is certainly devolving into pure lunacy.” It seemed Fluttershy was on the same page that I was, bored with situation as much as interested in where this was going. “Huzzah, it is not true lunacy until I have joined the fray to add my own pie to this situation, its banana cream!” Luna shouted out loud, having arrived from out of nowhere, to interrupt the current pie standoff with another pie brought to the slowly building mess that was about to take place in my pyramid. “You heathen, custard pies are the standard for this kind of thing as far as I’m concerned!” It seemed Pinkie was of a certain view on pie usage when it came to standoffs. “Chocolate cream all the way!” One of the male earth pony bandits stated. “I think mines cherry.” The mare bandit stated. “Oh come on, if you’re going to throw a pie at someone, then at least make sure it suits everyone’s taste!” The other male bandit turned to his audience. “Show of limbs, how many of you actually like cherry pie!” None of us raised a limb except Fluttershy. “See! Now my butterscotch pie on the other hoof is something new and maybe interesting to the kind of situation we’re in.” The male turned to us again. “Show of limbs who hates butterscotch?” The only one to raise a limb was Bracing Knight, who was calmly feeding sugar cubes to her myrmeke at the entrance to the pyramid. The myrmeke humorously also raised a limb in answer. “Sorry, but my myrmeke and I don’t like butterscotch.” Bracing stated with a dull tone. “Can you all just pie each other and move this along… please?” “Neigh, I want to ask how many like chocolate marshmallow fudge pie!” Luna stated while holding up a second pie. “I can’t do chocolate for obvious reasons!” Stated Jade as she waved to everyone. “Otherwise, I’m fine with any pie as long as it doesn’t have things poisonous to me in them. While I can somewhat handle rhubarb, I don’t like it very much. I prefer fruitier variety of pies, like peach or apple, but I really do like cream pies. Abyssinians are notably big on dairy pies like that and I’m no different.” “Wait, why did she bring up rhubarb?” The lone mare bandit asked. “Since I’m joining the fray with my rhubarb pie!” Baast stated as she came in with a pie of her own and threw away the sign telling Jade to make a comment on her rhubarb pie. “I would like to ask my sister if ‘rhu’ would ‘barb’ Celestia!” “Baast… you are a completely horrible degenerate of a goddess.” My sister truly was horrible, I know for a fact that she joined the standoff just to say that one line. “I’m sad to be your sister or even remotely related to you on any level of existence in this universe.” “That’s absolutely something I’m proud of sister!” Baast said brightly as she hefted her pie causing the others to tense. “Can I ask you something Baast, you know, before this situation devolves any further and I get pie crust in my mane?” Fluttershy was pleading my sister with her eyes, she then muttered. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been in the middle of a pie fight thanks to Pinkie.” “Yes, what is it Fluttershy?” Baast lowered her pie slightly, but she held it at the ready all the same. “Could you maybe, if you have the time and you really don’t have to say yes, run an animal sanctuary here in Airship Mauled?” Fluttershy had my sister pondering her question for a few minutes. The supposed bandits to my pyramid were waiting patiently and the pies they held were probably cooled off to the point that nobody would get too badly hurt anymore. “Sure, I could do that, provided that you let me raise serpopards there.” Watching as Baast smiled brightly. I sighed in relief, this means she would have less time in a given day to annoy me. “They at least kept me from getting bored throughout the centuries of watching over Jade’s statue. Also prevented me from being idle paws and going all crazy claws.” “Yes, that saying really hasn’t changed much at all in all this time has it sister?” I received a friendly nod. “Yep, now back to what we’re doing, we have about six pies going here and…” Baast was soon interrupted by another pie joining the standoff that seems to be, ridiculously enough, building up in numbers in front of me. “Yona is best yak at standoffs!” A female yak burst onto the scene with an orange dragon who was lazily eating her pie with her face. “I have a pear pie!” “Anyone else that wants to get in on this inane stupidity?” I asked loudly. “Yes, actually.” The changeling, whose name is Ocellus, came in and held up a very odd looking pie. “I really don’t know how this works, but I read up that things tend to go funny when pie standoffs happen. Does a cheesecake pie technically count?” “Yes.” Several voices answered, Jade being one of them. “Just to be sure, we’re not in the middle of a goof off are we?” Ocellus asked while looking into a book she was levitating off to the side. “No.” The crowd answered again. “Okay, thanks!” The changeling stated cheerfully as she took up her own prepared throwing position with Yona. “Hold on, hold on, you can’t properly do this kind of thing without an apple pie!” A pony, vaguely recalled as being named Applejack, also joined in the pie standoff a second later. “There, now we can do this standoff right!” That… was a silly pony. “Oh, does this mean we’re being shipped again Applejack?” Pinkie asked loudly. “We’re not going through that whole consarned thing again Pinkie!” Applejack swept her free hoof outwards at all the pie wielding idiots that were currently in my home. I already had just the cleaning spell ready for this very occasion and I was going to wait until thing finished before using it. “This here is a right big and proper pie standoff. Also let me remind you that I’m dating Rainbow Dash and not you.” “Oh I know, I just wanted to make things absolutely clear for the audience that we are not doing an Apple and Pie thing.” Pinkie waggled her eyebrows at Applejack and the nearby blank wall, I was confused by that second waggle. “Also doesn’t Rainbow Dash outright hate pies?” “She doesn’t hate all the other apple related products though and I’ve basically got her under my hoof when it comes to the family apple cider.” As Applejack spoke, I rested my head on my right paw and waited for another to possibly enter with a pie. I was not going to be disappointed at this rate. “If anyone is going to have the pants in our relationship, it’s going to be me and I like to be stubborn as Rainbow very well knows!” “Is the stand around and hold pies convention?” We all turned to Macaroni, as the brightly colorful thestral wandered in and asked that. She too was holding a pie. “My pie is strawberry kiwi... I would have used mango, but I sucked all mine dry.” “No, this is a pie standoff started by those three bandits over there that are futilely trying to rob what amounts to a bank run by a goddess… then things likely got out of claw from there as now my friends gotten in on things too.” The dragon stated as she continued to eat her gem encrusted pie. “I’m not joining this dumb standoff as that would be a waste of a good gem encrusted pie. Does anyone have any idea how hard it is for someone to get one of these thing absolutely right like this?! I’m just going to continue eating mine, I’m just here for the show.” “Yona is wondering if we can throw pies already!” Yona shouted loudly and enthusiastically while waving her pie around. “May I join in as well?! I too have a pie!” We turn to see Flamberge wielding his pie with bright grin. “Cinnamon cream sugar pie, an exotic taste that I’m sure no one else has brought in before this moment!” Quite a few nodded at that. “Well at least I’m not the token dragon in this situation.” The orange dragon stated as she continued to eat her pie lazily. “Oh, all of you only brought on pie, for shame!” What did Kuril mean and… that’s… that’s a lot of pies. She dragged in two cart loads of various pies. Blade Bright, Fresh Start, Savanna ‘The Wild’ and Brenda ‘The Wild’ Springer all spread out and took up one each as a firing a line. “I brought entire cart loads, so I win! Your arguments, whatever they were, are all invalidated!” “Wait, we had a valid argument for doing this before, why hadn’t anyone told me before ended up in this situation?” The mare bandit asked confusedly. “Fine… go ahead and do it Yona. It’s obviously going happen anyway and if we wait any longer it’ll just bring in more people in with pies from out of nowhere, somehow.” The yak was certainly eager to throw it from what I could see, but she didn’t seem as eager to start the mess. “Yona not start mess, but Yona will definitely be one finishing it.” That was a sad state of affairs Yona, if you didn’t kick things off then who would? I heard a ding from behind me, finally they’ve all cooled down to the perfect level! Also it was strangely appropriate to the situation at paw... I got up and everyone watched as I moved behind my throne, I then immediately took cover as I threw a key lime pie at those gather in my home. I really wanted to eat my key lime pies in peace, but that wasn’t going to happen at this rate and I wanted all these people out of my home. So I used one of my four or so pies that have just finished cooling off in my refrigerator, I might as well be the one to set all the lunatics with pies off. This was my home after all and if they were going to cause a mess, then I would be the first one to throw a pie! Once one of the male stallion bandits was struck with my pie, it caused a large chain reaction of pies to start flying all over the place. I lamented that it wasted one of my key lime pies, but I could still enjoy the others in relative peace as my pyramid was quickly turned into a mess of various flavors as the standoff erupted into a pie flinging massacre. Everyone was hit at least once, except for me, nobody else was left untouched. -A few hours later, Jade- Well that happened, didn’t know how mom knew what was happening or why she brought an entire pie chucking squad, but it was a somewhat tasty outcome. I managed save, read steal, the pumpkin pie before it could be thrown and we all sat around discussing how the sanctuary would work afterwards. Apparently of the three pony bandits, one of them was an animal specialist that could help run the sanctuary. The stallion in question was happy to have a job, the other two wanted jobs too if we had any available. We had a few things available, such as Macaroni telling us that Drip could use some assistance as a plumber. Eventually they all filtered out while I stayed behind to eat the pumpkin pie. “Hey Sek, remember the day we met?” I looked up to Sekhet and she gazed down at me with smile. “Yes, it was quite intriguing. Pain was something I hadn’t experience in a long, long time. Also my interest in you was what made me stick around, I’m glad that I did.” Sekhet was enjoying some key lime pie, the fact that she was doing so slowly told me how much she loved that particular kind of pie. “I like living here, it is a nice place that came of that first meeting. Though the fact that sanity continues to elude us says something about the magnetic and troublesome qualities the likes of what Ponyville has.” -Sekhet- “Do you think I’ll be able to continue to raise Silvers and any other children my herd has right?” Asks the sneaky pie thief and sometimes quirky rogue that Jade was. I didn’t have a right to tell her how to raise her children, though Baast might want to get in a word of advice on that. Baast did give birth to Nefer and he continues to be a constant in this world even now. “Where is this coming from? You are a proud and thriving Queen of your own right… you’re also still technically a pharaoh too, but that title doesn’t matter as much these days does it? Everyone can trust you with a child Jade, you are a natural mother to your kittens.” Chuckling, I just passed a slice of my pie to Jade who looked a little surprised that I was sharing my treat. “Don’t look so surprised mortal, we’re friends Jade. Friends share things and I have been known to be nice, at least once or twice.” “Thanks.” Jade passed me some of her pie too. “I worry because I didn’t exactly get a chance to raise Icky Dress before she became all grown up, never imagined that my tree would turn into a magical goddess of world generation. Much less a tree with the largest peaches to ever exist.” “Silvers is going to be strong, all you need to do is let them choose who they want to be and be supportive.” It reminded me that mortals were kind of my children too, I wasn’t about to proclaim that out loud though. “Just be firm to keep them away from becoming world conquering tyrants and things will be golden. Also note to keep the dragon head from getting greedy, keep the unicorn head from abusing their power and you’ll be just fine. Unless the cat head has your cunning, then we’re all definitely doomed eventually.” “Yeah, Silvia is the one that I’m the least worried about of my conjoined daughters at the moment, but you just gave me some terrifying thoughts to consider otherwise.” Jade nibbled at her pie slowly and not as cheerfully as she was a second ago. “Do you think Airship Mauled will always be here?” “Probably not, but while it is, I will love this place and cherish the fond memories of our family.” I answered calmly. “Now was that all that was bothering you?” “No, because I’m kind of worried about what will happen to you when we’ve all passed away.” Jade looked up to me with a concerned glance as she ate some pie. “I wouldn’t mind a picture of all the townspeople. Something to remember you by at least, it can be signed by all of you too.” I have forgotten many things over a millennia, but this, this was something I never wanted to forget. “I’m never going to want to forget you, your friends and all the families that currently live here.” “I’m guessing all the other gods will keep you from being lonely when all your mortal friends have passed away?” Jade smiled as she looked away sadly. “Yep, there’s also that situation with Paprika and her herd, I’ll be around to help them with that when it inevitably becomes an issue. Until then they are still ‘technically’ mortal.” I gathered my thoughts. “The End of Immortality doesn’t work on them does it?” -Jade- I sighed as looked outside to see the daylight I couldn’t be lazing away in after what was a very prominent pie fight in Sekhet’s home. Silvia could become a little terror just as much as her sisters, especially if she was as smart as me or mom. Oh my goodness, it actually runs in the family, it’s completely plausible! “No, it can’t work on them, I think they ‘crossed the rubicon’ on that one.” I was still the guardian of it, which made me think about the problems of what to do with it. “What will happen to the End of Immortality when I’m gone, much less the fire at the center of Airship Mauled?” “I wouldn’t worry about either of them, I can take on the guardianship of the End of Immortality to make sure nobody abuses their mortal souls unless they are meant to become immortal.” The other thing obviously required a bit more thought. “If the sun sees fit to do so, it will leave the fire right where it is. Even if it is currently connected to your soul.” “I wonder what the future holds.” It was frightening to not have anything lined up for the next few days. “That’s the greatest riddle of them all, finding out is the fun part.” Sekhet sat next me and I leaned against her fur. “Want to answer a few riddles?” “Sure, but I have a large game of Ogres and Oubliettes planned this afternoon. So remind me when it’s getting into the evening.” Consider me game for a bit Sekhet, but I had an idea. “Say… Discord can make live action Ogres and Oubliettes a fun and real thing, this leaves me wondering if you could maybe be the Game Master for this upcoming game.” “Why, is there a particular reason why you or anyone else can’t do it?” Sekhet sounded intrigued at least. “Yes, we’re going to run a town building simulation in the game called Boat Murdered… your job is to have us constantly under attack by elephants and many other odd things as we try to build the town to stand up to all the problems that come at it.” After a moment I could see that Sekhet understood why I was asking her to take up the Game Master position. She was fairly organized and can keep the going, she’ll even be able to mediate arguments fairly well. “Ah… I see… well… I’ll gladly do it! Knowing that Baast is going to be involved will be a time to enact some revenge for being so annoying by being annoying myself, at least to her character or characters if she feels like being an entire team unto herself.” Sekhet, you’re a good goddess, but you’re an even better friend. “Riddles come first though! So to begin with… I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?” Oh that was a good one, let’s see cities without houses, mountains without trees and water without fish… puddles can’t be involved… so… “Is it a map?” My answer was assured when Sekhet shrunk down to pat me affectionately on the head. “Yep, it’s always fun to get you to answer some riddles.” Sekhet cleared her throat and smiled. “You see a boat filled with people. It has not sunk, but if you look again you won’t see a single person on the boat. Why?” That’s a rather devious riddle… so if the boat is filled with people and I look away and then look back and it hasn’t sunk, but there’s not a single person left on… wait… wait a moment… the word ‘single’. Of course, that’s how you answer this! “The answer is… everyone on the boat was married, so there was not a ‘single’ person left onboard.” What other riddles could Sekhet through my way, it’s been a while since I’ve done this with her. -That evening, The Witch’s Fare, Jade- Hanging out with Sekhet would always be fun when she wanted to entertain someone with riddles. Our game of Ogres and Oubliettes was getting pretty heated and Sekhet was keeping us in the game so to speak, except for me as I was busy trying to get Silvers to say a ‘name’ or at least say mom, mommy, momma or anything related to that. I had Silvers in my lap while the entire table was going over how to keep Boat Murdered from exploding and somehow a duck has managed to slaughter an ancient demon from hell. No clue how that worked, but the initiative and the roll of twenty kind of made it a moot point. The demon was somehow killed by a duck that Fluttershy had been giving bread crumbs to about ten minutes prior to it showing up. The town that our characters collectively built was holding on pretty well, despite the constant evil elephant swarms and the strange moods some character fell into to end up making sculptures of said evil elephants crushing us violently. “So can you say Ma or mama?” I urged gently. The innocent Silvers was trying to, but at best I got were a meow, a neigh and a gurgle that sounded close to ‘ga’ from Silvon that might have been a bit of indigestion from when I fed them a moment ago. I quickly and gently put my hand under Silvon’s little head and aimed it upwards, she burped up a mass of flames towards the ceiling. To think that was the closest one yet, not the fire, but the closest to saying at least something approaching a syllable I wanted to hear desperately. I sighed, it didn’t matter if they could do it now. Silvers would eventually learn how to call for any of her mothers. “Jade your character is still trapped with a bit of wood through their lower torso.” Sekhet told me. “Roll for a chance to escape.” I took up the dice and rolled it, Silvers three heads watched as the dice bounced across the table and quickly lost interest in it. They weren’t exactly working on all cylinders like Maries did when they combined their three minds, but when these three eventually learned to do that… the skies would hardly limit them. Hopefully Silvers wouldn’t have my ‘Disaster Dyscalculia’ problem, they certainly had our genetics. We weren’t questioning the odd chimera reproduction mechanics behind this, we were happy to have had a child at all without too much magical aid. Well magical aid besides whatever Maries’ magical field did when it sampled us somehow. “Your character manages to pry themselves out from under the wooden beam without damaging themselves further.” The tone Sekhet spoke in was filled with amusement. I sighed, my character might live for three more turns after this. I heard three tiny yawns going off at the same time and looked down to see Silvers pressing into me and pawing me slightly. “Fizzy do you want to put them to bed and tell them a bed time story?” Getting Fizzy to act motherly was hard, but it was adorable to watch in action. She tries hard to hide that burning need to do more things with Silvers. “Of course.” She levitated Silvers over to herself and held them in her hoof, she then started to make way for the bathroom to clean them up before putting them to bed. “Well let’s call it a night people!” Everyone agreed with me. “Today was a good day… I love living here.” “I do too kitten, I’m glad we came to be here.” Mom stated as she ruffled my head. “Do you need a camera to get pictures of Fizzy doing cute things while taking care of Silvers?” “What do you take me for mom?” I got up to join my mother in teasing Fizzy. “Of course I do!” -?- Airship Mauled, it was never a calm place, it was never a perfect place and the 'puk' attacks happened there fairly frequently. There were times when the people that lived there run afoul of the Quarrelsome Quartet, others they’d have to fight monsters beyond imagination and some not so far beyond it too. Airships fell and crashed around here with a completely alarming frequency. Who knew what new people they would meet from them, who knew what adventure’s the crashed airships could bring and who knew how many would fall into this one location specifically? It was a home built next to a dangerous place full of large monsters, it was a home that had one of the best restaurants in the world and it was a home to a community gathered from all walks of life It was a home where the very first airship crashed. Even with all the downsides of living here, there were some days where the world was just right. Where it was a place one could relax and play without worry, where the fruit plantations were flourishing and where families came together and grew. This was Airship Mauled. The story, the place and the home. “And I don’t regret living here one bit…” I stated somberly as I watched over my mortals as they prepared for bed from the front of my pyramid, with love blooming in my heart for each and every single last one of them. “Where things could possibly be worse... but will always turns out for the better in the end through sheer grit and determination to see things through.” I absolutely blame that first airship to the skull for making me feel this way about them, I sometimes wished that I could be mortal alongside them too. To never lose that wonder and magic of this small area of the world. A magic that was brought about and out by all of its quirky people. I would eventually miss each and every last one of them, I’d even cry and weep for them all when they eventually fell. I had thought that my heart had long abandoned me. Only to find it once again in the unlikeliest of places… following that ever burning, bright, living, amazing, magical… the very guiding light of life itself! A bright sphere of light flew off into the darkened sky out of the ever burning fire as it suddenly started bursting with incredible strength. Even I didn’t know whatever the Tartartus that was, but I smiled all the same. May the mysteries of this odd place never end.