Criminally Stupendous

by dudenotactive


What Big Teeth You Have!

Grimm of all shapes and sizes snapped their jaws eagerly at the fleeing duo. The wave of darkness destroyed anything that came into their way, anything that would hinder their hunt for the orange one. The pony whose soul was as wicked as theirs, if they had one that is. Greedy like a griffon, and cruel like a heartless beast. This enticed them, it was rare for them to find such a soul as Roman's. There were only a few throughout history, and they envied those who were lucky to sink their teeth on such a fine meal. 

They bumped into each other and trampled those who were too slow or weak to death. It was how it is, especially when not a single Grimm would ever ignore a chance like this. 

Roman scoffed as he glanced behind him, there were too many for him to handle, and he doubted that he and Dash could even stand a chance. Red glowing orbs were trained on him, and he knew that Dash was not even on the menu, only him. He took a second to check his inventory, he frowned once he noticed that he barely had enough ammo to deal with everyone.

He looked over to Dash, she was flying the same speed as him, but he knew that she could go faster than him, yet she stayed by his side. Her concern was appreciated, and he still needed her in case something went wrong. 

Looking back, he saw a manticore preparing to spit out another fireball, but Roman did not have the patience to deal with that, so he blasted that manticore right in the mouth. He chuckled as the head was severed off from the explosion of his flare. 

"Roman! Where are we going!"

Roman looked back at Dash with the frown still present on his face. "Just keep flying until we reach the outskirts of town!"

Dash nodded, unsure if she could even trust the plan at all. But Roman just wanted to help with the Grimm problem, so she could only hope that this plan of his would work. 

There were a few boars that attempted to bring Roman down, but the thief was just too quick.

Roman glared at the horde behind him, just a little longer and the Grimm problem would disappear like those who tried to kill him back on Remnant. Humans and faunus he means, the people who tried to take his head for bounty, revenge, or justice. It was easy to dispose of threats like those, and Grimm is no different, by the end of the day, they're just another stain on his jacket that needs cleaning.  

A griffon dived through the air and tried to snap its beak at Roman, but Dash was quick, her right hoof became brightly blue as lightning arched around it and the hoof slammed the griffon's face with increased speed and strength. So much, that the head ripped off its shoulders. Roman gave her a look of gratitude, and she smiled in return. 

But there were still too many, and Roman really wanted to get to the spot where his plan could blossom. And if everything went smoothly, then he'd be gone before anyone could even notice. 

Roman grinned, over at the distance he could see a lone tree in the middle of a grassy field. They were out of the town and were close to their destination.

"Almost there Skittles!" Roman aimed his cane towards the horde behind him as he kept his eye on the tree. "Follow me!" Roman tucked in all five of his limbs as he pulled the trigger, the cane gave him a boost that made enough distance between Roman and the Grimm. 

Thanks to his weapon, he covered the gap and the tree was just an arm away. Roman dived down and landed next to the tree, followed by Dash after.

"Well, what's next!?" Dash inquired as the horde of Grimm grew closer. 

Roman wore a devilish smile, he gave the tree a good buck and out from its branches came a plunger, not for the toilet, but for something much more destructive. 

"Is that a detonator!?"

"Indeed it is Skittles! I have been planting explosives all around the area for the past two nights! I have them all! Gunpowder, fireworks, cans of hair spray that's highly flamable! And special crystals!" Roman cackled maniacally as he dug into the soil, looking for something important. He laughed even louder once he found the wires that he hid in the ground. 

Her eyes widened. "What!? Why on Equestria did you even do that!?"

Roman started plugging in the wires, his hooves moved fast as time was running out. "It was supposed to be a farewell gift from me once I leave this town, but then these mutts just had to ruin it! Don't worry, we're so far from town that it'll be like fireworks to them!"

"This is insane!"

"Skittles, I'm far from insane! But I'll be better than the Grimm after this!" Roman pulled the plunger up, his smile was villainous as he eyed the Grimm in the distance. 

He waited, just a little bit closer. He needed them much closer than that, or else he'd only take out a few. Roman laughed as they grew closer, his laughter filled the air and Dash couldn't help but feel uneasy. It was strange, yes, but the day was already chaotic. 

Once the Grimm was close enough, Roman grinned wildly. "Have a taste of hell." He muttered loudly, his hooves pushed the plunger down and... nothing. No explosion, no blast, none at all. "Oh you've gotta be kidding me!"

"What's wrong!?" Dash didn't like that she wasn't seeing any explosions, it was a sign that something was indeed wrong. 

"A wire is probably disconnected! I need to find it, but we don't have time! This thing is at least over eighty meters long!" Roman paced back and forth, trying to think up another plan, the Grimm was already over the bombs. "By the brothers above! Time is not on our side!"

A frenzied beowolf had managed to get to them faster than the rest, but it was quickly disposed of with a cane to the temple and a knife to the heart. If a Grimm does have a heart that is, but still, it did the job and the Grimm was dead. That's what matters.

"What do we do now!?" 

Our hero stared at the horde ahead. "I need to think, keep them busy!"

"How!?"

Roman began to rummage through his jacket and produced a few glowing crystals. "These are called 'dust', I bought them from some rock farmer and they're extremely unstable. Toss these towards the Grimm, zap 'em with lightning and they'll explode." He explained. "The blue ones will freeze the area, the red ones will burn them, and the yellow electrocute anything nearby."

Dash nodded and took the crystals into her own hooves with no hesitation. Quickly, she flew off the ground, her eyes set on the wave of black and white that was just ahead of her. Dash tried not to drop a single crystal, though she had no idea where they even came from, she could only focus on the enemy in front of her. The crystals clicked as she came to a stop, the pegasus was close enough to the horde.

Rainbow Dash took a second to breath, she needed to calm herself and allow her mind and soul to be at peace. As of right now, Roman was their prime target, nothing else caught their attention, not even a cowering pony. That meant that Dash was practically invisible, and to them, she's nothing but an obstacle keeping them from their meal. She raised a blue crystal, and used her I strength to throw the dust at the horde. Just as it was about to hit, she charged up her semblance directly on her hoof. She grinned as lightning shot out of her limb, the crystal was struck and it exploded into a freezing blast that froze a fee Grimm in place. She did this with another blue dust, a few more Grimm were out of the picture, yet there were still too many. 

Her brows furrowed, it looked like the crystals weren't going to be enough. 

From out of nowhere, a beam of light from the sky had cut through a handful of Grimm. Dash looked up, two Iron Legion pegasi pulled a silver chariot which held two of her friends, Twilight and Applejack, as well as three unicorn guards. Applejack waved at Dash as Twilight charged another spell, a few more Grimm were eliminated thanks to Twilight.  

Dash flew up to them with the crystals. "What are you all doing here!?" She asked as she flew with the same speed as the chariot.

 "We're the Iron Legion!" One of the pegasi spoke, it was the one in charge of the guards, Feather Storm. "It's our job to help those in need!"

"And we are friends, Dash, we would never leave your side!" Twilight added as she and the other unicorns blasted spells at the Grimm. 

"She's right, it ain't easy handlin' these varmints!" Applejack spoke, even though she wasn't helping at all, but she's doing her best. 

"Gosh, you girls rock!" The guards sent a disappointed look towards her. "I mean... Everyone rocks!"

"Whatever!" Storm scoffed. "What exactly is his plan!?"

"Well, he was gonna blow them all up with some bombs he had hidden in the field."

Everyone's eyes widened. Especially Feather Storm who nearly tripped on himself in the air. "Why the bloody hell did he do that!?"

"I'm a magician! It was supposed to be a good bye show when I leave, alright!?" Roman popped into the conversation from out of nowhere. "And before you ask, I have a permit from the mayor!"

"Oh, right, he works with Trixie..." Applejack spoke, still confused as to how the explosives would make for a great trick. 

"You're really something, aren't you!?" The guard glared at Roman. 

"Alright, whatever! Just listen, there's something wrong with the wires and I have no idea where the problem is! That's why I'm here to ask if one of you got a spell for something to track it down or fix it! So!?" He waited for the unicorns to give him an answer, but none could even give him any. "Fine, change of plans! Keep them busy while Skittles and I go fix the problem!"

Roman splits off and goes back to the detonator. Dash gave her friends a nod. "Keep them busy, and use these!" She dropped all the crystals she had into the chariot. "Throw them at the Grimm and blast your spells on it just as it gets close to the Grimm! Red is fire, blue is ice, and yellow is electricity!" With that out of the way, she went after Roman, back to the tree.

"Dash wait!" Applejack tried to stop her, but the pegasus was already at the tree. "Twilight, send me over to Roman so Ah can help!"

Twilight only nodded, she did as requested and Applejack was gone, once she was done with that, Twilight went back on blasting every Grimm in sight. 

"It'll take us hours, maybe a whole day to just find the problem!" Roman said as he and Dash attempted to brainstorm a plan to fix their problem. "Maybe we should-" Roman was cut off as Applejack popped out of nowhere and fell into Roman's arms. He caught her instinctively with ease. "Oh, hey Blondie."

"R-Roman!" She squirmed a little, embarrassed of her predicament. 

Roman snickered silently as he allowed her back on her own hooves. "We're trying to think of a way to fix the wires to blow up those Grimm, but we both just ended up stumped. Any ideas?"

"Yeah, and it better be quick, because we don't exactly have time!" Dash hurried the farmer as she fended off a boarbatusk with her semblance. 

"What exactly is the problem here?" Applejack questioned.

"Detonator ain't working, my guess is that a wire got cut off the main line." The third explained. 

Applejack tapped her chin with a hoof, she trailed the wire that connected to the detonator, then her eyes landed on the dirt where the wire kept going. From what she could tell, the wire was buried in the soil. Then it hits her. 

"You buried the wires right?" Applejack received a nod from Roman. "Then there's probably an exposed one, and some critter had chewed through it! Either that, or the real problem is underground... Anyways, why dontcha make Dash use that fancy magic of hers and try and see where the problem is!"

Roman's wing snapped its feathers. "That's an amazing plan, Blondie! Skittles, if you please? And make it shine!"

Dash grinned, she ripped off the wires from the detonator and wrapped it around her hooves. "2,000 volts coming up!" Electricity surged through her body and out of her hooves. She was energizing the wires like her life depended on it, enough that it could power at least two houses. 

Both Roman and Applejack smiled once Dash's semblance danced in the distance, it arched back in a random and unpredictable pattern. Feather Storm saw the light show and knew exactly what they were doing, and as quick as he could, he and the other pegasus pulled the chariot away much to Twilight's displeasure. 

"There it is!" Applejack raised a hoof towards the electricity. "Guess Ah was right, and lookit that! We got ourselves some time!"

"Alright, let's get to fixing and-" Dash's semblance went towards the nearest metal around, the copper wire that was supposed to be connected with the main line.

And with so much energy running through the line, the bombs were all triggered. "Oh..." Roman muttered as explosions started popping out of the ground, one by one they went. The field that the Grimm stood in was slowly reduced into a number of craters. 

Every monster on the ground was immediately concealed by a cloud of dirt and dust that rose up from the shaking earth. Dash and Applejack trembled as the ground below them moved due to the explosions. Roman stood proudly as he spectated his grand art of fire that shattered the earth. He wiped away a fake tear, his smile quivered as he tried not to cry from the majestic destruction that he had created. 

But there was still one more. 

Storm's eyes widened as an even bigger explosion that caused a devastating blastwave that sent the chariot off course. "Hang on!" He told the others as he tried to get the chariot back to stable condition. 

Meanwhile on the ground, Applejack saw a giant mushroom grow out of the blast, a strange sight indeed. Roman quickly pulled Applejack behind the tree and held her close, Dash followed him, unsure as to why. 

Applejack couldn't help but notice that she was close enough to Roman to smell the gunpowder off his jacket, she was confused as to why he had pulled her away. She felt her cheeks heat up as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Soon her questions were answered, the blastwave pushed through air and towards them. The tree shook, and Applejack pushed herself deeper into Roman's embrace while Dash held onto the tree itself. The force was strong, and it nearly threw everyone off their hooves.

Soon enough, the earth was still once more. The strong wind cleared out the sky of any flying Grimm and clouds. There was no sign of Twilight and the guards. 

Dash peeked around the tree and saw that the mushroom cloud was still growing. Her mouth fell open as she counted the destruction that was made. Grass was all pointing out and away from the source of the blast, small young trees were torn out of the ground. There were probably injured animals nearby, but that wasn't the subject.

Applejack was still in Roman's arms, once she realised that it was over, she pushed off of Roman with haste and red faced. Roman noticed her strange behavior and smiled as an idea for later popped into his head. Both of them checked the damage, and they were in awe with such devastating results. But in all honesty, Roman was ecstatic. He was amazed by his creation, how the sky was emptied of Grimm or cloud. How it destroyed so many things in the area. This was supposed to be for something else, but now it was used to wipe out a pest, and he loved it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Roman spoke with pride.

"Yeah, uh..." Dash tried to answer, but she couldn't find the words to go with. 

"So... What exactly were ya' plannin' on doing with those explosives?" The farmer asked the thief. 

"Oh, very simple, I stand in the middle and then when it starts popping, I show up behind the crowd." Roman lied as it was supposed to serve a different purpose.

"Oh..." Was all Applejack could say. 

"This is why we don't divide by zero." Roman quipped. 

Before they could even celebrate, a deafening howl pierced their ears. All ponies in the vicinity could only watch with dread as a gigantic beowolf shot out of the cloud of dust. Then Dash knew, it was the same wolf from earlier, the one that left her alone. She was sure of it, the weapons that was on its back, the scars that riddled all over it. This beowolf was indeed the same one.

"Move!" Roman yelled, and the three jumped away as the wolf barreled through with insane speed. It skidded to a halt and turned to glare at Roman specifically. "Why grandma, what big teeth you have!"

And then they heard it, the wolf started making some kind of noise through its mouth. Dash and Applejack felt their hearts skip a beat as they heard it make a noise that almost resembled a light chuckle. Then it stopped, eyes trained on the thief. Roman scoffed as he loaded his cane with a fresh bullet. 

Both glared at each other, man against wolf. Two cruel creatures that were out for each other's throats. Roman raised his cane towards the Grimm, and the wolf straightened its back, one could say that the Grimm was grinning that day. But all Roman cared for right now, was survival. 

"When I say run, we run."