Moonbound

by Warmblood


Chapter 5


Thirty years had passed since Luna had last visited the headlands. The one-time summer house had not fared well in the interim. It was all too obvious that no pony had taken the time to maintain it.

Wind and storms over the years had brought down the roof, which lay in a gray, rotten heap over top of the weathered stone foundation. Green stems poked through the tumbled remains. A small tree had grown into the base of the stonework on the leeward side. A pattern of cracks in the mortar between the stone showed where roots had broken through. The whole place smelled of damp decay, gradually returning to the state of nature around it.

A teardrop fell from Luna’s cheek. The cool breeze ruffled her mane. She tasted salt. Whether it was the tang of the sea or of her own tears, she wasn’t sure.

She remembered the last time she visited this place. At least then she still had Orion by her side, even if he was old and gray. Now, without him, she felt cold and lost.

“My Princess?” Luna’s head turned to her guardpony Onyx Sky. He was young. She had watched him grow up within her entourage of followers. A close knit group, they formed a tribe all their own, largely a mystery to outsiders. They had traveled very far together, for well over fifty years. Few of her original followers remained. Many, like Onyx, were second or third generation.

“Uhmm, I’m sorry.” He saw her cheek laced with tears.

“Don’t be, my dear.” She sniffed. “Better to feel something, even sadness, than nothing at all.”

“He meant a lot to all of us, your grace.”

Luna nodded in agreement. “He had that magic about him. Only those who are truly blind would try to dispute that.”

“Absolutely, your grace.” Onyx replied. He knew who Luna had in mind.

She composed herself, while Onyx waited patiently. Afterwards, she examined what was left of the summer house. She circled the ruins several times, searching for a relic of her past here. In short, there was little to be found. She knew most of the family mementos had been removed by her sister Celestia a long time ago. They were gone even before the last visit. She found a shred of latticework that gave her a brief vision of a time long ago, but it was only a fleeting reminder of the good times she had here.

She left the ruins and looked out over the sea. As always the waves murmured well below. With her back to the house, she found it easier to imagine herself back then. She walked a short distance, towards the beach. It was right about here, she knew, that she had stood. Over there, she recalled, Orion had looked over the cliff, many years ago, when they were just a filly and a colt.

Had the time passed by so quickly, she thought? There were many good years. She enjoyed the family she had built around her more than the sister she left behind. Travelling around Equestria had given her a new perspective on the world, and its ponies. It had also built up a certain mystique about her, which she had over time begun to embrace. They traveled by night, leaving many who speculated about the dark alicorn who passed through like a shadow.

“Onyx, could you give me a minute alone?”

“As you will, your grace.” He said. He strolled to the other side of the house and out of earshot. He was a very good guardspony in that way; he could read between the lines.

A gust smacked her in the face, accompanied by a rush of sound from the grass atop the hill. She shivered as a chill stole down her spine to the base of her tail. Sometimes nature can hold the power to do that, even to a being as strong as her. In the face of that wild force, she felt insignificant by comparison, and for a moment she felt free, as free as she had once felt flying away from Canterlot, many years ago. She had left her worries behind that day.

That had been a glorious day. She didn’t remember the anger she had felt, or consider the pain it must have caused her sister. Instead she remembered what had made her feel alive and free. Secrecy had grown tiresome, and once she liberated herself from her shackles she had a taste of what the power to govern her own future felt like.

Yet, it didn’t matter. The years went by, and the worries returned. Ponies expected her to do something, to live up to her name. She wanted peace, she wanted quiet, like the quiet one finds in the dead of the night. There was a time when she thought night brought ultimate freedom. She traveled by night, she loved by night, she lived by night. Eventually though, day always returned. She realized that her freedom, like the night, was only ephemeral. The night could only be sustained by the absence of the sun.

She couldn’t change who she was. Princess of the Moon. Cursed with the power to carry out a futile duty, second fiddle to the sun’s magnificence. Cursed with immortality until destiny decreed it her time to depart. She would have grown old with Orion. She would have held his hoof and gone after him into the darkness. But the great books held no such spells for her, nor any balms to cure her pain as she watched her love age while she remained young.

There was no changing death, either. When Orion’s time came, as for all mortals, there was nothing she could do. She could only prolong his life, not save him from his fate. He stayed cavalier, and loving, to his last day. But then he was gone, and the realization set in that she would never see him again, not in all of her long years to come. She would be empty, incomplete, for the rest of her life. Then the pain and grief became an unbearable, crushing weight.

Her followers kept vigil over her, day and night, for more than a year. They wouldn’t let her hurt herself, not by force, but because she couldn’t bring herself to harm them. After more than a year, the immediate grief resided into a persistent ache. It would not leave her, not completely, but she could at least bear it. Strangely, it had been a song that had helped her the most. An old pony had sung it, while keeping watch over her. He said his mother had sung it to him. Luna vaguely recalled the tune from her childhood, as something Grandma FiFi had hummed, every once in a while, a long time ago.

“Ten years have come and gone, Orion, and not a day has passed that I didn’t think of you.” Luna said in a low voice, speaking to the black sky and bright stars. “Maybe it’s silly, but when I look up at the stars, I think to myself that you’re out there somewhere, looking down on me. Maybe it’s just a wish, but I have to hold on to a hope… One day we’ll meet again. Not here, my love, but somewhere far away. Somewhere where we can be happy and free, forever.” She began to sing the song she had been sung, in a soft voice, tinged with sorrow all too personal.

Where night does not steal away from day,
Where darkness reigns,
Where even the stars disappear,
May we meet again.

Long years have passed
The golden leaves have fallen.
Our past is but a dream
Forever calling.

If I could, I’d make time run backwards,
I’d make the stars shine again.
Instead, my longing heart is filled with light
For a dream I once had

That we would be together again,
After the sun fades to grey,
When my leaden eyes close
And all the world is cold.

Luna broke down then. She felt she couldn’t go on, the pain was too deep. She sobbed as she whispered the next words of her song.

Now I beg the sky
To return the souls we once had
When we were young
Filled with a thousand dreams.

For this is my last,
The last dream,
My only wish.
To be with you.

Her legs collapsed. She fell to the ground. She lay there overcome by the despair that welled up from within her. It took a few moments before she even felt the caress of the grass against her sides. Minutes before she could listen to the soft sigh of the wind, and then gradually she brought her sobs under control. She wiped away the tears, and put her chin down on the grass, to let herself rest under the stars.
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When she awoke, Luna saw a smudge of orange light on the horizon, over the eastern sea. Sunrise. Creeping its way into the morning sky, disrespecting her stars. She once loved the sun. Now it offended her eyes. It befouled and destroyed her night, and yet she was drawn by her sister’s force into the light, beneath the blinding eternal flame.

Can’t they see that moonlight is the music of the night? A symphony of beautiful silence, when all the world is right.

She had honored her responsibilities, she had honored her duty to raise the moon. In the good times, the night sky was illuminated by blue and crimson light dancing across the stars. In the bad times, the sky was an endless black void, the stars the only relief. Even through her darkest sorrow she raised the moon every evening. Yet still, the years passed by and fewer and fewer ponies remembered the Princess of the Moon. She was not a cheap imitation of her sister, she was equal, in might and beauty.

It wasn’t fair! She thought, and yet, was there anything that she could do about it? How could she defeat fate? There wasn’t anything she could do, she couldn’t stop the sun. She couldn’t turn back time, she and the stars can only shine at night. Or did they?

She turned her head, saw Onyx keeping watch close by her side. She looked up towards the brightening sky, as garish color returned to the world. There were stars there. Only the strongest showed through, preserving the last hallmark of the night sky. She watched them fade away as the sun rose higher in the sky, their lone points overwhelmed by the blinding light of the sun. So, the Princess thought, the stars must remain, day only obscures their presence. Without the sun, she thought, they would shine above us eternally.

“Onyx.” She called out, her voice a little raspy.

“Yes, your Grace?”

“Could we live without the sun?” She asked, tentatively.

He didn’t question Luna. He answered with confidence. “Absolutely. We can live without it. Love will light the way.”

Luna considered his words. He seemed so sure, as if he was certain beyond any doubt. The way he looked at her, it was as if he expected her to give an order, to command him to slay the sun, and he would carry it out, no matter what.
She hadn’t given many orders since Orion died. Her will to command and shepherd her followers had fled. Instead their roles had been reversed, and for the past ten years her followers kept her going, not the other way around.

“Let’s go. We’re done here.” Luna said to Onyx.

“As you command.” He replied.

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Her followers waited on the overgrown trail leading to the ruins. The grass had grown very tall along the bluff, rolling in waves just like the sea. Small trees and green shrubs grew in the middle of the trail in some places. It had been rough going to haul the wagons up here, and many ponies were resting in the grass as the sky began to brighten.

“My ponies! Hear my voice!” Luna announced.

Ears perked up, their heads lifted off the ground, her guards stood to attention. Eyes gazed at her, she gazed back. There was something in the air, something fresh and new, like the last breath of winter turning to spring. Maybe it was an echo of fond memories of this place, taking her back to her youth, when everything seemed so clear and her life so free. She felt something she had not felt for years: a purpose. A vision of a new life, a new future for her ponies.

In her followers’ eyes she saw devotion, she saw dedication, and most importantly, she saw the love they gave her. They would follow her to the ends of Equestria and beyond if need be. They were ready for change, a new hope, a new cause to live for.

We’ve let too many years pass, Luna thought. She looked around, taking in her followers. I have perhaps thirty, young and old. We’ve shrunk in number, she observed. Our cause is just a legend to most, lost to their grandsire’s time. Yes, it has to be now. If not now, then when? I’ve put this off for far too long already.

“From this day, I am no longer Princess Luna. I am Nightmare Moon, and I shall be Queen. Only then can beauty, love, and harmony return to this great land.”

An ecstatic cheer went up, and somewhere deep inside her, something changed. Orion was a memory now, a deep and painful one, yes, but a memory. What lay ahead of her was different, it was new, it was fresh and exciting. She would make her dreams true. The stars would shine, looking down on her, forever. Day would become night, and beauty would reign eternally. She would make it so.

And then… there was a voice, an irritation buzzing at the edge of her mind. T-Twi, where… Twi… She waited for it to go away, but it persisted. Twi…light… Twilight Sparkle? Where are you? You must come back to us. Come back now. That sounded familiar, what was it? Was it from a dream, she thought? An old story half forgotten? Twilight Sparkle… Twilight Sparkle…

She fell, out of her body, out of her world, into a void where pastel colors slowly swirled around her. She had been here before.

Twilight Sparkle, are you there? A voice speaks to her, a familiar voice. It gave a name, her name. Thought floods back. Memories return, mix with the confusing contradictory vision of the life she had just lived. Her mind races through the events she had seen, trying to make sense of them all in context with her own life.

Are you there? Celestia asks again.

I… I am. Twilight responds, testing her own voice against her expectations. She thought she might hear Luna’s voice responding just as easily as her own. It would take a while to get used to her new… old… voice.

Thank goodness! Celestia responds ecstatically, We were afraid we’d lost you.

Lost? Twilight thinks. I was lost. For many years. Through the sorrow of death and the elation of rebellion. I wandered the night and the moon lit my way. The years passed as real and corporeal as any of my real experiences. I can tell the difference between my own life and Luna’s life, but not as though Luna’s life was a dream. It was real, and it felt real. Yes, I was lost, but on the journey from there to here have I not changed?

Twilight is silent for a while. Celestia tries to prompt her to explain.

Are you alright, Twilight?

Fine.

Twilight? What did you see? Celestia asks.

A lot. Twilight responds.

What, Twilight?

I was Luna. I didn’t just see through her eyes, I was her.

For how long?

About eighty years, I think. Twilight tells her.

Oh. Celestia says pointedly. After a pause she adds, I didn’t expect that it would last so long.

That made Twilight think. If it had been years for her, how long had it been for the others? She guessed it hadn’t been eighty years, but she asks to make sure.

About a day has passed, real time. We were all very worried for you out here. Your friends, the Elements of Harmony, have kept a constant watch over you, and tried to lend you whatever support they could.
Her friends, yes, her real friends… she had almost forgotten them.

Thank them for me. Twilight says.

Of course. I just told everyone you’re okay, so they’re pretty happy right now.

Twilight wants to smile, although floating disembodied in the void, she can’t. Nevertheless, it feels good to hear that her friends are happy for her. Her optimism returns, banishing any darkness lingering in her mind.

Now, have you found anything that could help our dear Luna?

Twilight’s elation quickly fades. She had gone through all that, and for what? She remembers Luna casting many spells, but none that could have lasted long enough to hurt her now. Most of the spells Twilight recalls were spells that helped her band of followers. A band she thought of as her family. Those spells were just temporary, and not very large. She figures there wasn’t any use in keeping it from Celestia.

I’m afraid not. She cast a lot of spells but nothing that could be draining her power now.

Twilight felt, rather than heard, a sigh over her mental connection with Celestia.
Nothing at all?

No. I’m pretty sure, seeing as how it’s just like I cast them myself. I know that none of them could have lasted long enough.

I was afraid of this. We just don’t have any idea when, where, or how she cast this spell. I had hoped it might be connected to a more prominent memory, but there was no way to be sure. There is a pause, like Celestia is taking a deep breath. There’s more. I’m not sure how much time we have left. She’s getting worse, and if we don’t find the source and stop it… well, it’s a matter of life and death. If you were still in her mind when that happened, you might not make it out. Are you sure you still want to do this?

Absolutely. I’m going to save her. I know I can do it.

Thank you Twilight. I wish I had more time to properly thank you, but we don’t have much time to spare. Do you think you are ready to start looking again?

Yes, I think so. I hope so, Twilight thought to herself.

Very good. You saw the first century or so of her life, correct?

Yes, how did you know? Twilight asks, a little startled by Celestia’s seemingly omniscient guess.

Call it sister’s intuition. So that rules out any of the time before Nightmare Moon took over. That’s good to know, but I suspect the most likely territory is during the reign of terror or immediately after….

Something sounds odd to Twilight. Something doesn’t click between her experience and what Celestia was saying. She wants to trust her mentor Celestia, usually she would, but it feels like there is some obstacle to trust blocking her path. Call it a nagging suspicion, it is a feeling she can’t shake.

Princess Celestia, why do you say “When Nightmare Moon took over?” She was still Luna, just misguided maybe, by her own feelings.

No dear, something changed. I felt it. She only returned to normal when she returned to us after a thousand years. After you used the Elements of Harmony.

But that’s not what I saw at all…

Celestia cut her off with razor-edged terseness that surprised Twilight. She had rarely ever heard Celestia angry over anything.

It is the TRUTH. Something changed. That’s what you need to know. Now, Celestia sighs, we still need to find the source. Look for a memory that doesn’t overlap with what you’ve already seen. Perhaps you can find one from the time of Nightmare Moon. Please hurry, we don’t have time to waste.

Twilight looks around in the void. There are a multitude of memories surrounding her. If she recalls correctly, she is at a different place than she started. The color and locations of the other strands of light are foreign to her. At least that gives her a clue to the organization of Luna’s memories. Judging by her position, she can tell she has probably traveled in a relatively linear manner. It should be possible to find…

A thought strikes her like a brick to the head.

Why is she spending time looking through each and every memory? Her search has been grossly inefficient so far. It has taken too long to find nothing at all. If she enters another memory, she might find what she wanted, or she might get stuck in it for a thousand years!

She thinks of the situation as an analogy: This place is a little like a spider web of memory-threads. Why not just ask the spider? Ask Luna where to find a memory!

Yet that thought only brought more questions. The whole reason why Celestia had sent her into Luna’s mind was to find something that Luna had forgotten, right? But all her memories were right here, in crystal detail, as fresh as ever! She could remember every detail of places she visited in her childhood, she could recall the weather a millennium ago, she could recall every line on her love’s muzzle. Yet Luna couldn’t remember crafting a spell that was so powerful and long lasting that its terrible repercussions could be felt even now? The math didn’t add up. Something felt grossly wrong.

She begins to contact Celestia. Her words almost come out before she stops. Once again there is a shadow of a doubt that nags at Twilight. It is as if a voice whispers in her ear, telling her not to trust the Princess. Twilight recalls that it was Celestia that told her Luna forgot her own spell… Could she be lying? Why would she? Surely she must want to save Luna as much as I do, Twilight thinks.

After thinking it over, she decides not to say anything to Celestia. Twilight reasons that there might be forces at work she does not understand. On the other hoof, she feels compelled to investigate further. It could help her save Luna, after all. Celestia didn’t have to know that Twilight had disobeyed her command.

She navigates the threads, following the biggest ones. At least one is the thread she had already seen, which she interprets as the memory of Orion. Indeed, the thought occurs to her that she might be able to categorize each thread by what emotion it represents. Each gives off a certain feeling when she hovers near it. She hadn’t noticed it the first time. Perhaps she was not as attuned as she is now, as it is only a very subtle feeling in the back of her mind.

Orion’s thread must represent love, Twilight thinks. Another she hovers by feels different: it makes her feel gloomy and down. That one must be sorrow or loss. It ran parallel, in large part, to much of Orion’s thread. At another she feels a strange emotion, not quite anger or hatred, but akin to them. After a moment she realizes it must be jealousy, directed towards her sister Celestia. It helped to have experienced firsthand these emotions. Several she would not even have understood before she had seen what Luna had seen, and felt what she had felt. Twilight had never experienced love, not like the kind of bond Luna and Orion developed between them.

She follows the pattern of threads, tracing the largest branches, hoping they will converge on a central point. The threads grow stronger, there are more subsidiary branches departing from each, but Twilight stays on course for the center of the cluster.

Finally, she reaches the center where the myriad of threads coalesce into a rainbow of iridescent color. It is a beautiful sight, more strange and wonderful than she had expected, even here, in this odd immaterial dimension.

Yet, her reward was absolutely nothing. There was no other conscious presence, no essence of Luna to be found. The threads just terminated abruptly, without warning or reason. Once again Twilight finds herself baffled. Luna’s consciousness ought to be here somewhere, she thinks. This is the most logical place. This is the only place it should be. So where is it?

Twilight lets herself rise above the place where the threads converge, then looks out across the void for something that would show her where to go next. She begins to question whether she had been right to disobey Celestia. Maybe she is just wasting time out here, chasing something that didn’t exist.

Then she sees a dim speck of light, far away, and all alone in the dark. She approaches it, looking for connections to the other memories. Twilight could see none. It is far isolated from the rest of Luna’s memories.

Twilight feels a feather touch on her mind, a feeling she hadn’t experienced since she entered this place.

Hello? A new voice says. It sounds small, timid, scared, like a filly without her mother.

Luna?

Yes! Oh thank goodness! I’m so glad I have somepony to talk to again! Her exuberant voice communicated the relief she found in Twilight’s presence.

Of course, I completely understand. I’m Twilight Sparkle, Princess. Celestia sent me to help you. Twilight communicates to her.

Wow, I never would have thought… I mean, you’re in my head? Wow. How is that possible?

Twilight is a little surprised she doesn’t already know how. The Luna she knows from her vision is a well read scholar and spellcrafter. She had been born with a great deal of innate power. When she learned to control that power, she could do almost anything. During her travels she had read many books of spells and sorceries that were old a thousand years ago. Her repertoire of spell knowledge had to be second only to Celestia.

Your sister cast a spell that let me see what you’ve seen, and, obviously, converse with you as I’m doing now. Twilight explained.

That’s great, Twilight. I was scared but… Oh I just knew Celestia and the Elements of Harmony would come to the rescue! My sister has always been there for me, even when I do something silly.

Hmm… Twilight thinks to herself.

What? Luna asks. Oops. Twilight didn’t mean for Luna to hear that. She scrambles to come up with the right words.

Uh, it’s just that I’m a little surprised you can be so upbeat after everything that’s happened. Twilight says.

Everything that’s happened? Why, it’s just been a few days since I got sick, and I mean, it’s not like I’m in pain or anything. Luna responds.

Twilight cannot escape the feeling that this is a puzzle with pieces that do not fit. She wonders about what she has heard from Luna so far. Can a pony really be that forgiving? When Twilight departed Luna’s memories after Orion died, there was not an ounce of compassion left in Luna’s heart for her sister Celestia. For all she cared at that point, she did not have a sister, she had an enemy by the same name. Wise ponies say that time heals all wounds, but Luna’s wounds went down to her very core. How could she ever forgive?

I’m sorry if I offend you, Princess Luna, but I have to ask. I’ve seen what happened when you were a filly. I lived that part of your life as though I was you. I know that there was a time when you blamed Celestia for everything. You thought her heartless and without compassion. She tried to stop you from living your own dreams. How can you forgive her for all that? Twilight asks tentatively, at first, gaining momentum as she continues on. A part of her feels she isn’t just asking out of curiosity.

Luna acts shocked. What? I don’t understand! My life was nothing like that! Celestia has always been very kind to me. She always helped guide me. I’ve had a very happy life, all in all.

Twilight now knows something is wrong. What about when you became Nightmare Moon? She asks insistently.

I didn’t become that terrible thing. Luna replied. I would remember it if I did. Something else must have taken over my mind, temporarily. Some evil force, surely. That’s what my sister says, and she knows what she’s talking about.
Twilight pauses. Slowly, she asks one question.

Does the name Orion mean anything to you? She asks Luna.

It’s a constellation, I’ve studied it at the observatory, but I don’t know why… Hey! Where are you going? Don’t leave me here! The link grew fainter as Twilight drifted away.

Fake! Twilight rages. This is all fake! She knows why this spot doesn’t connect to anywhere else in Luna’s mind, because it isn’t Luna! Anger erupts throughout her mind, at each synapse picking up momentum, racing through her head in mad unguided rush. What happened to the memories she had lived? Where was Luna’s real consciousness? Who would do this?

The answer to the last question is clear to Twilight. Celestia. She’s the only one who could have done this. She knew the spell. She must have been here before!

Twilight contacts Celestia, who feels a sudden surge of rage emanating through the connection.

At that moment Princess Celestia happened to be eating her dinner in a small dining room, side by side with Twilight’s five friends and fellow Elements of Harmony. She had thought a nice dinner would be good for everyone’s spirits while Twilight searched Luna’s memories. Suddenly she drops her spoon. It hits the table with an abrupt clang. The room goes silent. Everyone looks to her, questioning, but she stares into the distance as though lost in another world.

Imposter! Twilight yells at her through the link. Her rage carries her voice like a hammer pounding into Celestia’s head. You replaced your sister’s memories with lies! This is not your sister, this is a fake! A construct! She doesn’t remember anything that actually happened. She remembers nothing of the REAL Luna!

Celestia swallows a lump of food that has gone sour in her mouth.

You did this, didn’t you! Twilight accuses. Only you could have… tell me, what did it feel like, to kill your sister? That’s right, you killed her! You took away everything that made her unique. You left nothing but an empty shell, a shadow of her real self, and you pass it off as the truth. How could you!

Celestia, with a painful expression, clamps her hoofs over her ears, as though that will drown out Twilight’s words.
I’m sorry. Celestia responds, trying to calm Twilight with a soothing voice. It was the only way to save Luna and protect the world from Nightmare Moon. I did it, yes, but I did it for Equestria.

Was it for Equestria, dear Princess? Or was it for you? Twilight asks sardonically.

Celestia starts to respond, but Twilight cuts her off. It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to help you preserve this charade any longer. I don’t care what’s killing Luna, she’s already dead. I’m done. Get me out of her mind. Or would you rather have the blood of your student on your hooves as well?

Celestia pushes her chair from the table, its grating sound the only noise to be heard in the entire room. She stands up, looking stiff as a soldier at attention, and announces the news to the other ponies.

“Twilight is coming back.” She says, and promptly turns to exit the room.

End Part 5