//------------------------------//
// Squirm Notice (1) 
// Story: Super Pony Roomies Season 2 
// by TheManehattanite 
//------------------------------//


1


Just another sunny, quiet day in Manehattan. 

Yeah, right. 

Passing ponies thought it was odd that disco lights were already flashing in the windows of a club, but hey, life in the big city. Some conscientious ones wondered if they should call the fire department, but those golden flickers were mixing with enough purple to make them unsure. 

Then the windows blew out and they were too busy diving for cover to think. A purple streak blasted out of the smoke, followed through the air by another streak of golden flame. 

“Oh no you don’t!” the Horseshoe Torch yelled over clanging alarm bells and pedestrian screams. 

“Haven’t even decided what I’m gonna do for an encore yet,” Lyja the Laser Lasher smirked over her shoulder, propelling herself on purple laser bursts from her hooves, “but yes I do!” 

Under his flames, Johnnycake Storm ground his perfect teeth, his own hoof thrusters burning harder and his epidermis growing darker. A month after Tirek’s rampage, almost two since the last time the Super Skrull had tried to snare him in some stupid trap, and he was now even more determined not to let her escape. Not this time! 

“Not this time!” he snapped out loud, trying to turn it into fuel. 

“I think I can, I think I can!” Lyja taunted over the howl of their slipstream. 

“Your pointy ears burning?” Johnny began lobbing fireballs. “Let me help with that!” 

Lyja twisted, trying to keep him in view so she could dodge each projectile as they burst. Lighting up the skies with miniature suns was probably not a good look, but in fairness to Johnny, they weren’t really supposed to nail Lyja. Each of his missiles was mostly light from his flame aura, designed to burst open and slow his quarry down with their dazzling light. The worst a civilian would catch was a mild case of heat stroke and some spots in the eyes. 

Lyja complicated things by diving down into the second tier of civilian airspace, startling couriers and the aerial equivalent of joggers as she weaved among them, forcing the Torch to stay at his current height in case he burned somepony. 

“C’mon Lyja,” he challenged, hoping she wouldn’t be able to resist, and give him something to follow beyond those fading purple light trails, “it’s not like I can’t smell you coming!” 

“Haven’t seen me coming so far!” There, weaving around that penthouse! “And weird time to be complementing my perfume!” 

“Nah, you just stink!” 

An heiress leapt into her obligatory small dog’s paws as they flinched away from the balcony the Torch was shooting past. Okay, way too close, and the longer this went on, the more Lyja would pull to lose him. Time to get creative and end her! 

…this. 

For the. The good of the city. Of course. 


***


Lyja slashed around a roof garden, eliciting confused cheers from party goers, squinting as her ex darted behind an opposite building. She braked suddenly, altering her laser pulses to keep herself aloft in mid-air. The Torch, smiling vacantly, spun around from behind his cover, coming at her head on. 

“Nice try, babe!” Lyja sneered, her eyes lightning up. She fired, two beams merging into one…and blinked as she blew the Horseshoe Torch’s head off. Literally. 

Black smoke poured from the missing top of Johnny’s head, only his chin and vacant smile remaining. His body hovered there for a beat, limbs dangling, before disintegrating into brick red fragments, a sudden thermal wind venting these and even more black smoke directly into Lyja’s face. 

The Skrull coughed, instinctively throwing her hooves up in front of her face. And inadvertently turning off her thrusters. She was too surprised to cry out as she toppled out of the smoke, solid sidewalk spinning up to meet her. 

“De—” The true-blue Horseshoe Torch darted from the opposite side of the building, blinking as his lunge through the smoke failed to fill his forelegs with Skrull. “—coy…?”

He looked down, eyes bugging under protective golden plasma. 


***


Pedestrians stared up as Lyja’s shadow fell over them, flinching as a contrail of flame sliced out of nowhere to catch her. 

Johnny twisted to hold onto Lyja and avoid smacking into a truck, sending them both crashing into some Manehattan alley garbage. He killed his flames, and scrabbled to grab the dazed Skrull’s wrists, spinning her onto her front and fumbling for cuffs in his utility collar. 

Lyja blinked, amazed to be alive. “What?” 

“Hey, don’t get the wrong idea,” Johnny muttered. “Just because I wanna see you in Tartarus doesn’t mean I’ll let you wind up as street pizza.” 

“Cool!” Rainbow Dash grinned up at him, her neck twisted unnaturally. “How ‘bout me?”

Johnny froze. 

Which was all the opening Lyja needed, filling Rainbow Dash’s eyes with her power and blasting the Torch in the chest, sending him rocketing towards the lowest balcony of a fire escape. 

Johnny burst into outraged flames, stopping himself seconds from impact and recovering faster than she expected, conjuring a wall of flame across the mouth of the alley. Lyja skidded, spinning herself around fast enough to belly slide under his grasping dive and bolt for the other entrance. 

Johnny shot an extra story as she sprang over a fence, desperate not to lose sight of her. If she managed to shapeshift in the middle of a Manehattan crowd, he’d never find her! 

He blinked as he caught sight of her, still disguised as Rainbow Dash. She’d been galloping down the street and stopped for some reason, staring at another rainbow haired but Dutch White coated mare carrying a tray. 

“Stop that Skrull!” Johnny hollered, blasting towards them. 

Lyja squawked as she spun to see him coming, her ears and hair briefly spiking back to Skrull standard, before desperately grabbing something off the mare’s tray and hurling it at him. Johnny pulled up, startled and swatting flames at it. At first, he’d assumed it was some kind of chemical weapon but, as it sloshed sadly down his front, burning away and pooling out of the tub at his hooves, he realised it was…ice cream? 

Lyja-Dash stared, equally stupefied as his eyes met hers. The mare with the tray looked awkwardly between them. They all froze at a distant honk, focusing on a subway kiosk up the street. Then Lyja spun, inadvertently biffing her in the nose with Rainbow’s tail as she galloped for it. 

“Hey!” The Torch launched himself forward, then darted back. “Hi, nice hair, you wear it better, are those free samples?” 

“N-no…?” the candy mare stammered. 

“Then it’s your lucky day!” Johnny pulled out his wallet, composed of the same unstable molecular fabric as his collar, dumping a small flurry of bit vouchers, pebbled with some actual bits, onto her tray before grabbing the nearest set of tubs. 

“LYJA!” he bellowed, putting on a desperate burst of speed. 

It worked. She skidded to a halt inches from the first step, turning to stare as he hurled an already melting mass of rainbow sherbet towards her. Lyja yelped, pinwheeling her forelegs as it splashed into her face and down her front, toppling out of sight. 

Johnny skidded to a halt in mid-air, flaming off before he accidentally burned any of the staring civilians and galloped down the steps, darting around startled commuters making their way up. “'Scuse me! Watch your hooves! Go Mets!”

He looked around desperately, prancing in circles as two trains poured crowds of creatures into the station. No sign of not-Rainbow Dash…but he caught the eye of a cherry coloured mare, covered in ice cream, arguing with some transit cops as she tried to board one of the trains. 

Johnny grinned. He did need to catch his breath, but he also wanted to enjoy this. So he was going to. 


***


Lyja, in a display of Skrull ability to quickly adapt to almost any environment, including the Big Apple, waited until the ping of the doors, then elbowed one of the cops trying to prevent the wacko covered in foreign substances from getting them all over the mayor’s shiny new transit system, and darted between the closing doors. 

It cost her only a few tail hairs and the other cop stared, helping her gasping partner to her hooves, as they drifted to the platform, shimmering green. 

Lyja snorted in her new voice, grateful that the sticky mess all over her was making even veteran subway riders give her a wide berth. She’d double back at the next stop and—

“No, no, ma’am, I insist.” 

“Well thank you, young stallion!” 

Lyja turned slowly, and compulsively gripped the hoof rail. Johnnycake leered at her as he stood up to give his seat to an old pony. 

Swaying in time with the rocking car, he began to stalk towards her. 



2


“What the hay do you think you’re doing?!” publisher Ferocious Flattop demanded, as his limo driver kicked the door open and galloped down a secluded alley he'd suspiciously parked in. “GET BACK HERE AND START THIS COCKAMAMIE THING! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT COST?!” 

“Reckon we could probably afford a few after this,” chuckled a languid country drawl. 

Flattop flinched, glaring at the window. He recognised the Unicorn in the cowboy hat poking his head in through the window to admire the automobile. “Care to step outside, Mr. Newshound?” 

“I warn you!” Flattop barked, scrabbling for his briefcase but only knocking it under his seat. “I’m a beloved institution in this town! Ponies’ll come looking for me if I just disappear!” 

He grabbed an early edition of The Derby Bugle instead, rolling it up. 

“That’s the idea,” Line smiled pleasantly. He tapped the roof of the limo as he leaned his head out. “Sinker?” 

A shovel sized hoof attached to a thick, mustard coloured leg punched through Flattop’s window, gripped the frame, and tore the entire door out of the limo. 

“HEY!” Flattop howled, swatting at the impassive oxen’s face as he was hauled out. “THIS THING’S NEW!” 

“An’ the Enforcers,” Line drawled, toying idly with his signature steel cord, as his prize fighter associate Hooks ambled up to finish surrounding the publisher, “we like to think of ourselves as classics.”

“This isn’t my first rodeo,” Flattop muttered, fumbling inside his suit vest. Sinker gripped him by the tail, hauling him upside down off the asphalt and shaking him. In addition to the pepper spray Flattop had been reaching for, his wallet, keys, (bubble gum) cigar case, and several different sized combs tumbled out. 

Line and Sinker stared down at them. 

“For his moustache.” Hook indicated his own. 

Line and Sinker stared at him. 

“What in Celestia’s name do you think you’re doing?!” Flattop sputtered, flailing in the heavy’s grip, making himself sway. “And I should warn you, she’s a close personal friend!” 

“Well, that’s a coincidence,” Line resumed, getting back into the spirit of things by twirling his lasso, “because you’ve been making a certain friend of ours mighty uncomfortable with these Status Quo pieces you’ve been running.”

“Those’re…about…practically…anypony!” Flattop grunted, still flailing. The Enforcers shared unimpressed looks as he finally managed to snag something in his teeth. “AHA!” 

“You want it?” Line asked. 

Hook recoiled. “Hay no! It’s been in his mouth!” 

Flattop went cross eyed to inspect his bounty. He’d been aiming for the pepper spray. He’d gotten one of his moustache combs. 

Sinker grunted. 

“Yeah yeah,” Line muttered. “My associate’s right, Mr. Flattop. It really don’t matter who’s tail you’ve been flickin’. We appreciate that your reporter’s dished all sorts of dirt on all sorts of ponies, an’ it’d be a serious violation of our confidentiality clause to just tell ya who to back off of. What you can do is drop Status Quo!”

“I can’t just--” Flattop wheezed. The blood was starting to rush to his head. 

“Oh, she’s incredibly popular!” Line chuckled, pressing a hoof to his heart. “I myself am a regular reader!” He leaned in. “Which means I know part of the attraction is she’s got a, what ya might call, blunt style. Nopony’s gonna be surprised if you found somethin’ and fired her for conduct unbecomin' of a fine, upstandin’ publication such as yours.” 

Flattop’s eyes were almost furiously popping free of his head. “You--” 

“You owe me fifty bits,” Hook muttered, flicking his toothpick away. 

“I most certainly do,” Line sighed, straightening up and adjusting his hat. “Mr. Flattop is one o’ them principled sorts. Well, the Enforcers, we’ve got principles too.” 

He smirked, lighting up his horn. Flattop went rigid in Sinker’s grip as the lasso floated towards him, morphing into barbed wire. 

“Such as don’t leave a mark. ‘Least not where anypony can see…”

“Careful fellas, he may not look like much but that moustache is a lethal weapon in five counties!” 

The Enforcers looked up as the Spectacular Spider-Pony dropped from on high, bouncing off the limo’s roof and perching on Sinker’s head. His tail whipped into the giant’s nose. “Coochie-coochie-coo!” 

Sinker sneezed so hard Hook and Line were bowled off their hooves, the Web-Slinger desperately adhering to the oxon’s skull as Flattop tumbled to the ground. “Don’t tell me you’re part of this too!” he snapped. 

“Alright,” Spidey grunted, trying to keep Sinker’s huge forelegs from getting a grip on him, “I won’t tell you that.”

He managed to kick himself free, rolling backwards and springing aside as Sinker brought both forelegs down, buckling the roof of the limo. Flattop clapped his hooves to the sides of his face and howled. 

“Oh no ya don’t!” Hook snarled. He clicked his hooves, concealed knives springing from the spats around them, and lunged for Spidey. 

“I don’t look good in these pants?” The Web-Slinger ducked, firing a dollop of webbing from his tail as the Enforcer soared over him. “Well you could’ve said something at the sale!” 

“KNOCK THAT OFF!” Flattop bellowed as one of the Enforcer’s hooves hit the limo’s windscreen, sticking there from the webbing he’d inadvertently kicked. Hook flopped onto the hood and flailed, his blades scratching the glass and paintjob. 

Spidey shrugged as Line and Sinker circled him. “You heard him. Grandpa said knock you out.” 

“Always with the jokes,” Line snarled, conjuring another lasso. Spidey effortlessly avoided the one that came for him but hesitated as he landed. Magic crept along the other, now crackling with electricity. 

“That’s new…” Spidey noted, ducking one of Sinker’s legendary swings, sliding under him before he could attempt one of his equally legendary headbutts. 

“Always have somethin’ up your sleeve,” Line sneered, whirling electricity and barbed wire in front of him to ward off any punches and force Spidey to back up. 

“Yeah, but I’m the only one here with sleeves!” Spidey countered, ducking another swing, and firing a blindfold into Sinker’s face. The ox bellowed with fury and charged blindly, forcing a yelping Line to dive aside. 

“YOU VANDALS!” Flattop screamed from around the dumpster he was using as cover, watching helplessly as Sinker blindly rammed the limo’s trunk, blowing out the remaining windows. The Enforcer collapsed, unconscious, Hook yelping as his colleague’s  weight lifted the front off the asphalt slightly.  

“You been warned, paper boy!” Line snapped at him, spinning, and galloping for an alleyway. Spidey folded his forelegs and leaned casually against a wall. 

“You’re actually letting him go?!” Flattop boggled. “You have to be at least ten times worse than I ever said you were!”

“Yeah, I’m a real stinker.” Spidey admired his hoof. “Think he’ll be mad I coated the seat and handlebars of his bike with webbing?” 

A squelch and string of cursing echoed from another alleyway. 

Flattop glared as Spidey held out a hoof. He swatted it aside, clambering to all fours. “Am I supposed to be grateful?!” 

“You’re supposed to be watching your blood pressure, but a thankyou would be nice,” Spidey simpered. “I mean, look at all we’ve been through together!” 

He dangled a comb from his tail, waving it in front of the publisher. “The things I’ve done for your grooming regimen!” 

“You stopped to play puerile pranks!” Flattop seethed. “WHILE MY LIFE WAS ON THE LINE!” 

“You’re lucky I heard these particular boys were back in town,” Spidey snapped. 

From Cage, he reflected sombrely. Since I cut ties with the Bugle I don’t have as hot a line on the underworld as I used to. Damage Control keeps tabs on what powers we might be cleaning up after this week, but it’s not the same as getting it straight from Glen Fiddich. I’d’ve gone in knowing Line upgraded his repertoire because Glen would make sure HE knew something like that…

“LUCKY?!” Flattop roared. “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO MY NEW AUTOMOBILE!” 

“Oh what,” Spidey scoffed, “your own private carriage was too much all of a sudden? If it’s any consolation that puppy’d probably stunk just as badly of moustache oil in about a week. Then again it only took a couple days in your esteemed company for your driver to take the first bribe that came along.” 

“…hrghm,” Flattop rumbled suddenly, tapping a hoof to his chin. “That double dealing delinquent was hired by the insurance agency. One look at their employee records and you could probably find out what connections he had to moonlight for lowlifes like the Enforcers…” 

“'Ey!” Hook called from the hood. “You hire the Enforcers, you hire class!” 

“What grade?” Spidey webbed the mercenary’s mouth shut. “Elementary?” 

He rubbed his hooves together. “Speaking of, my dear Flotsam, why stop there? For all you know the auto-barn,”—He snorted with dweeby pleasure—“you picked that jalopy up from could be owned by whoever Status Quo’s looking into! At the very least, we know they don’t like you.”

Flattop raised an eyebrow. “Eh?” 

“Yeah, does anypony?!” Spidey raised a hoof, milking every second of faux hanging as the publisher bared his teeth.  “Oooh, left and right veins throbbin’! That means y’know something that makes this a good idea, but it came from me so you don’t wanna admit it!” 

“It’s Manehattan! Lots of insurance agencies get up to no good! LOTS! YOU’RE NOT SO SMART!” 

“I’m so outta here,” Spidey scoffed, leaping into the air and firing off a web-line. “You round up the M.E.U.P., maybe hunt through your couch cushions for spare change. I’ll find time to look into this, if I’m not too busy saving the rest of the city!” 

“WHAT?! GET BACK HERE!” Flattop shook his furious hooves after the web-slinger. “LOOK AT THIS THING! I NEED YOUR INFORMATION!”

“I skipped lunch for this,” Spidey called back. “Make of that what you will.” 



***

He was halfway down (well, over) Orchard Street when it hit him. 

…look into it? How? I mean, I could, but not like back in the day. I can’t just hang out in the bullpen and eavesdrop anymore. There’s hitting up dives, Turk’s always got something, but I can’t be nearly as specific as I used to be! Could always follow ol’ steel wool features around but who’d do THAT?

He sighed as he released his line, firing a new one to cut through Dragon Town. 

You, Pete m’boy. You’ve tried to put the Bugle AND the blowhard behind you, but the second Duke mentioned those rumours about who the Enforcers were going after, hay, I was on the case like Johnny on a yoga class. On the other hoof, why? 

This train of thought was depressing him so much he didn’t bother making any one liners as a pony in a ski masked raced out of a store with two saddle bags full of diamonds, perused by a portly dragon security guard. He simply fired off a burst of webbing from his tail, tying the thief’s forelegs together, without even looking. 

Unresolved issues? Puh-LEZE! You could lay a pipeline from Manehattan to Las Pegasus on the amount I’m carrying. And the last time I actually spoke to Flattop without the mask on was when he tried to chew me out in the middle of Twilight’s coronation! So that should be one less issue, right? Right! And it’s not like I don’t know how this’ll go! 

He snorted through his mask. 

I’ll risk my tail, take all the lumps, to say nothing of hours out of my social life running down leads, and the only difference NOW is he won’t try to haggle me out of a liveable wage instead of just crucifying me in his headlines! 

…and I’m gonna anyway, because I’m not so mad about the old buzzard I can just leave him twisting in the wind. 

Speaking of, why am I thinking about all of this at a couple hundred stories? Not that I wanna drop this on Twilight’s shiny new doorstep, but listening to ponies unload IS basically her job! 

Oof, bad choice of words, Pete. Ponyville still isn’t 100% sure how her licence should work now they don’t have a library anymore. Which means I should swing by to check out how SHE’S doing instead of taking up her time with my daddy issues. 

…chatty…issues. Because I talk in my head too much. I don’t feel bad about Flattop! Agh, really shouldn’t have skipped lunch.

He stopped in at this one place Iron Hoof had started recommending, then grabbed a donut halfway back to the Flatiron District because he remembered, oh yeah, he had money for dessert now! 


***

After that it was a simple matter of going through the increasingly familiar new routine of changing out of his costume and into his Damage Control vest, sauntering down a wall, around a corner and into the actual building. 

He tried to avoid thinking about the fact it still felt new, and the elevator ride up to Damage Control’s staff centre still gave him time to free associate his way back to the problem of how to keep tabs on Flattop, even as he took his seat at his desk. 

Wait, Ms. Grace is with Ferocious on that school board. Does she own stock in the Bugle too? Hmm, how would I even ask though? It’d be no problem breaking into her office after hours but she hired Peter Trotter, not your Federally Offensive Spider-Pony! 

…is breaking and entering a federal offence? Yeah, kinda, ‘cause Damage Control does work for the government. But wait, we’re a monarchy, so--

He looked up from his paperwork. “Sorry?” 

“I said Ms. Grace is looking for you,” Upside smiled. She was still his Pegasus cubicle neighbour, at least until she either got assigned to another district or moved on from their site consulting position. 

“Uh…”

She rolled her eyes. “Relax! It’s nothing bad.”

“You sure?” 

“Trust me, if it was bad the entire floor would be talking about it.” 

“Is it because I suggested we should be allowed to customise our hard hats for Casual Fridays?” 

“No.”

“And that we should institute Casual Fridays?”

Upside shrugged. “I don’t even work Fridays, so...” 

“Because that was a joke.” 

“Jokes are funny,” she countered. “She just wants you to say hi or something.” 

“The third or fourth greatest philanthropist who’s not secretly the Crime King wants me, me, to just say hi,” Peter smirked. “Yeah, right.” 

“Well, not just you specifically, Mr. Trotter,” said a maternal voice that froze the blood in his veins. He could now feel the majesty of the mare who’d founded the specialised re-construction company behind him on a level beyond Spider-Sense. “And I specifically don’t need to speak to him, Upside. Our finance department does.” 

“Oh, wow!” Upside dropped out of sight as she actually sat in her chair instead of standing on it. “Lookit all this fresh paperwork!” 

“That’s the spirit,” Ms. Amazing Grace smiled. “Do be sure to pop your head in when you’ve got a minute, Trotter.” 

“Ma’am,” Peter squeaked, still not turning around. 


***


He eventually did, mostly by just following the few creatures in the building who 
A) had suits and looked like they knew what they were doing, 
B) were not one of those whackos from Ms. Grace’s personal office on the 21st floor. 

The jury was still out on whether or not the proprietor was as benevolent as she seemed, but if her assistant Aniseed wasn’t rocking a Darth Vader costume and auditioning for the new Nightmare Moon on the side he’d eat all his webs. 

It really wasn’t just him, it turned out. A couple of other site consultants, some of the lab techs, even some construction workers, all of them crowded onto the couches outside the finance office. A nice mare with a suit saw them in, sometimes two at a time. 

By the time they got to Peter the herd had been thinned enough that they were mostly being shown in one at a time. Peter went in after a yack who was practically tap dancing. That should be good, riiiight…?

He was ushered across the room full of desks, each with focused creatures working with numbers or answering phones, to the spacious private office of a mare, a stallion, and a minotaur, all of whom smiled too much. 

He sat in a one-size-fits-all-creatures seat integrated cities like Manehattan had ordered a few years back, which meant it was far too big but also too narrow for him. They respected the fact he preferred to stand. It was the sort of quality they were looking for. He answered their questions as best he could. They laughed at the few jokes he told out of nervousness. A sense of humour would take him far in this job! 

“Job?” Peter asked. 

Opportunity, his new besties corrected themselves, still speaking in perfect time one after the other. They explained what opportunity they were talking about. Why he qualified for it. They didn’t tell him how much it would improve his life but it was implied. 

And if he’d been anypony else he’d probably have taken it. 

But he was who he was. 


3


Lyja sat stock still as the subway slowed. The fourth stop without getting off. 

Johnny sat a few seats away from her on the opposite row. He was still trying to remain cautious of civilians, especially in a space as enclosed as this, but something about the obvious tension between him and Lyja was causing that rarest of Manehattan miracles: a mostly empty subway car. Other passengers had either moved to the furthest ends or straight up into another car, which suited him. 

He’d need more space to actually do anything to restrain her, though, and Lyja knew it. He’d been waiting to see if she made a dash at any of the stops but so far she was waiting it out. Maybe she’d have taken a hostage if she hadn’t been covered in ice cream. Even Manehattan commuters didn’t wanna sit too close to that kinda mess. 

Johnny hummed the first few parts of Jaws as the train started up again, shifting along until he was directly in front of her. Lyja squinted at him. “Seriously?” 

“Aren’t you having fun?” Johnny smiled. 

“You threw ice cream at me.” 

“Sounds like fun to me!” 

“You threw ice cream at me!” 

“Aww, poor baby! Hey, remember that time you invaded my entire life?”

“Which one?” Lyja simpered, batting her disguised lashes. 

She blinked as Johnny laughed, which surprised them both. 

After that the ride continued in as much silence as the subway ever had. Their fellow passengers were still trying to pretend no eye contact was the same as ignoring them. 

“Y’know the first thing I’m gonna do when they call the Shi’ar to haul you away?” Johnny asked pleasantly. 

Lyja said something rude in Skrullian. The passengers ignored them even more. 

“I’m gonna eat one scoop of every flavour of ice cream.” Johnny leaned in conspiratorially, which admittedly didn’t work because he couldn’t lower his voice over the sound of the wheels. “Even the super-secret flavour only rich people know about.” 

“That’s not as cool as you think it sounds,” Lyja countered aloofly. 

“Oh, it’s not a threat or anything! I just want you to be thinking about that every day you’re in space jail!” 

“Space jail.” She held up a hoof to facepad, but hesitated, weary of how sticky her ice cream coating was, and settled for waving it dismissively. “This is the scourge of the galactic community, people,” she called to the other passengers, “a 24-year -old pony who uses the words space jail.” 

“You’re thinking about it!” Johnny cooed. “♪I’m getting toooo yoooou!♪”

“I think you need to understand a few things,” Lyja smiled. “First, this planet’s going to expend the amount of magic and money it’d take to get past your crazy atmosphere, contact the Shi’ar empire, largest political body in five solar systems…to come pick up one person?” 

“Princess Celesita’s met you,” Johnny sneered, trying to rattle her, “she knows you’re worth the effort.” 

“And she’s known you longer.” Lyja winked and leaned back in her seat, folding her forelegs. “But back to the racism.” 

“Excuse me?” Johnny blinked. 

“The Shi’ar coming to pick up a Skrull?” Lyja raised an eyebrow. “You guys do know not all extra-terrestrials are the same, right? Okay, let’s put aside your automatic assumption that Majestix Lilandra’s whole government exits just to arrest people you don’t like. What are they charging me with?” 

“Being you.”

“Really helping yourself there. But it’s an important question, because, see, I’m law enforcement too!” 

Lyja gestured to take in the subway car, the station it was pulling into, and presumably the idea of the city above it. “What’re they gonna charge me with, Johnny? Jurisdictional trespassing? Because even if your little world here wasn’t a political hoof-grenade, the Shi’ar can’t exactly talk. This isn’t one of their planets but it never stopped them showing up. Or seeking suspects, which is, y’know….” Her eyes glowed purple. “My job.” 

Johnny was silent as ponies made their way on and off the car. 

“Yeah, well,” he said eventually, “I’m gonna go to that spa on 103rd too.”

Lyja’s eyes went wide, leaking outrage Kirby Krackle. Johnny jumped to his hooves, grinning with satisfaction even though the other passengers were staring to panic at the sight of the seething Super Skrull. 

Lyja inhaled through her nose, the power in her eyes flickering as she tried to calm down. “There’s a simple solution here.” 

“Yeah?” Johnny ignited only his forelegs, patting a clenched hoof into the pad of his other one and sending up sparks. “’Cause this is sounding more like the easy way or the you-know-what-way.” 

“I was thinking this way,” Lyja smirked. She widened her eyes, and the entire car filled with purple light and screaming ponies. 

Johnny doused his forelegs, instinctively throwing them up to cover his eyes. That hadn’t been a blast, he’d have felt it. She’d used a flare move. Did she steal that idea from him?! 

He felt something shove past him and flailed, trying to grab (presumably) Lyja. A tail lashed against his foreleg. He lunged for it, clamping his jaws tight around the taste of hair seasoned with peppermint. 

Lyja yelped, accelerating from the sudden pain and dragging him off his hooves. Johnny’s chin struck the platform, pain somehow clearing the spots in his eyes from the flare, commuters scattering like a shark alert on a beach as Lyja dragged him behind her, desperately weaving to try and shake him lose. 

Ever since being bombarded by cosmic rays, Johnny’s powers meant his body had an interesting relationship with friction. The closest he could ever describe the sensation of heat to others was that it felt like it had been blunted. What was rapid irritation of the skin when you could achieve nova flame, a heat approaching that of a small sun? 

Which meant that his belly didn’t feel especially warm as he skidded on it in Lyja’s wake. Pain was absolutely still there, though! 

“Get off!” Lyja shrieked hysterically. She began to gallop around and round some seats, sending their occupants scattering in every direction. One of them tread on Johnny’s right hind leg. “Get off, get off, get off, get off!” Lyja chanted

Her latest mad turn sent Johnny swinging, crashing into an abandoned cleaning cart. He lost his grip on Lyja’s tail, the sudden release sending her tripping over her own hooves. 

Wincing, Johnny scrabbled to get back to all fours. Lyja recovered just seconds ahead of him and galloped towards a nearby crowd. 

Manehattanite cursing followed Johnny as he tried to keep up with her desperate weaving through the cluster of creatures. He couldn’t count on that ice cream marker forever! The second she got time to camouflage again she’d be in the wind. 

He spotted her target as he was forced to jump around a minotaur family: another train. If she got far enough ahead…

Johnny sprang over the pony in front of him, igniting and rocketing towards the other set of doors on Lyja’s intended car. Screams filled the station, a baby even started crying somewhere. He was flying dangerously low and depending on the crowd’s own preservation instincts to keep from horribly disfiguring someone. 

One shot, and if it was the wrong kind of car…!

He cut his flames, tumbling through the closing doors, almost crash landing on top of a startled pack of commuters. He spotted Lyja, boggling at him from around a staring dance troupe, but whipped his head all around the car. 

The doors chimed. The wheels began to turn. There! Above that pony in the Mets cap! 

Johnny lunged forward and pulled the emergency break. Startled cries Mexican Waved their way across the entire train as it rocked to a halt. 

“Oh for ⊑⟒⏃⎐⟒⋏'⌇ ⌇⏃☍⟒!” Lyja yelled in Skrullian. Johnny began to force his way through the throng towards her as she leaped towards some doors. She morphed her tail into that of an Ankylosaurus, swiping them right out of their housing. 

“There is nowhere…in Equestria…” Johnny grunted as he finally extricated himself, “you can hide from me!” 

“Wanna bet?!” Lyja called over her shoulder, galloping across the opposite platform. 

Johnny let his mane and tail catch fire, his lowest temperature, trying to startle as many rubber neckers out of the way as he could. He vaulted over a bench as she skidded around a corner. The crowds could see them both coming now and were parting before them like the Red Sea, giving him a straight run at her. 

Johnny whooped as he leapt forward, firing a low-level thermal burst of super-heated air behind himself to rocket straight down the platform. He crashed into Lyja, tackling her so hard her shapes changed back and forth in a few eyeblinks. She was still in her cherry pony disguise when they hit the platform, Johnny on top of her. 

“Man, The Bugle’s right!” cried a random jamoke in the crowd as they wrestled. “You supers think you can shove just anypony around!” 

“She’s not just anypony!” Johnny shot back, trying to get his foreleg up to stop one of Lyja’s poking his eye out. “She’s a shape shifting alien invader! With laser eyes!” 

“I am a law enforcement agent of the Skull empire!” Lyja shrieked, trying to headbutt him. 

“Man,” supplied some unseen wag, “ya get all kinds on the subway!” 

“Ball’s in your court,” Johnny snarled, grinning as he finally managed to pin Lyja. 

“Oh, you wanna play games?” she sneered back. She suddenly grabbed her belly and threw her head back to let out a piercing shriek. “Oh Great Pony in the Sky! The baby! What did you just do to my baby?!” 

A Yankee Stadium worthy roar of disapproval and outrage reverberated all around the crowds. Johnny was so shocked he actually threw his hooves up, practically springing off Lyja. It gave her enough legroom to kick him in the breadbasket and make a break for it. 

Coughing, Johnny forced himself to uncurl and tumble after her as she charged up some stairs. He staggered to the top, struggling to keep his balance, looking around desperately for her. 

“Nowhere in Equestria, huh?” Lyja called. Johnny spun to see her, still covered in ice cream, leering at him from a doorway.  

“That’s right!” Johnny yelled. He shot towards her like a magnificently groomed destroyer missile as she spun and, almost balletically, pranced through…the door to the little filly’s room. 

He skidded to a halt, staring at the ♀ sign over the door. 

Of course he couldn’t. She knew that. And not only could she change shapes and slip out, she’d have time to wash off all that ice cream too. 

This close. He’d been this close to finally shutting her down! Well, okay, fine, he’d been keeping up, whatever! And now she was about to slip through his hooves like so much melting ice cream. Could today get any—?

“That’s him, officers!” somepony called behind him. Johnny turned to see not only a squad of transit cops, including the pair who’s tried to stop Lyja boarding, but some M.E.U.P. patrol officers, decked out in their blue armour and tactical gear caps. None of them looked happy. 

“Mr. Tropical Storm?” one of the E.U.P.s squinted, recognising him. 

“Yeah!” Johnny beamed optimistically, tapping his 4 logo to confirm. “Cool, so listen, I can explain!” 

He hesitated, wondering why he’d put it that way, then wondering what by the grace of Celestia and Luna he was supposed to say here? ‘You see, officer, I may look crazy but only because I’ve been chasing down a little green pony from outer space. Mondays, amiright?’

Probably wouldn't fly. Among other things it was Thursday. 

“We have reports of fires, sir,” the apparent E.U.P. leader said gravely.

“Pretty sure you vaulted some turnstiles too,” one of the transit cops said with equal gravitas. Her eyes flicked to the bathroom door and widened. “...why are you hanging outside the ladies rest room?!”  

Johnny saw some tourists lifting their cameras, completing the day.  


4


“And you’re sure this is her?” Twilight Sparkle asked, shifting through a series of file papers in her telekinetic field. 

“Didn’t have much to go on, but yeah,” an out of uniform Shining Armour said, “this might be the Starlight Glimmer you’re looking for. Or the town she’s from, anyway.”

“That’s absolutely her cutie mark.” Twilight stopped frowning at the registry list, the marks of all residents in one column, to hold a sheet with photos from the town’s brochure up to the light of her new study windows. “It looks so normal…” 

“Yeah, well, so does Ponyville,” Shining smirked, then folded his ears as his little sister side-eyed him like their mother. He cleared his throat and tried to turn instinctively straightening his posture into adopting more authoritative body language. “Listen, I’m fine sharing these files but promise me you girls aren’t gonna go hunting this pony down yourselves.”

“We don’t hunt ponies down!” Twilight protested. “We…” She had to think about it. “It’s more like stuff just happens to us!” 

“You found her,” Shining pointed out, with a raised eyebrow. 

“The Cutie Map found her,” Twilight corrected. 

“Oh good, you’ve named it.”

“I sent you a report!” 

“You included it in the letter telling Princess Celestia you all went running off to the middle of nowhere because a lightshow told you to,” Shining retorted, trying not to sound either too maternal or too churlish.  

Outside, through a window behind him, a basketball whipped past. Twilight tried to keep her expression neutral and began reorganising the files.  “A lightshow made of our cutie marks. What would you have done?” 

“That’s different! I’m captain!” 

“Yes, well, I remember when you wanted to be an astropony,” Twilight teased, levitating the Sire’s Hollow file onto her desk. “Seriously, thanks. How’d you find this place?”

“Her dad came to us, actually,” Shining mused. “She just kinda vanished after signing up for some charity work. Plenty of pink ponies in Equestria, but his description sounded close enough to your bulletin that the local E.U.P. rangers passed it onto my office. We’re trying to pull her school records, see what we’re dealing with.”

“Somepony very good,” Twilight said, making sure that fact was clear. 

“Sounds it but I doubt she’s take-on-an-entire-E.U.P.-squad good.” 

“She doesn’t have to be, not if she can rip their special talents away from them. Though I’m working on a way around that.” Twilight brightened. “You should see the castle’s lab! I mean, it’s no Spark Inspirations and I miss the smell of tree roots like the dickens, but gosh, so much leg room! I have more than one bench now!” 

“Just so long as you’re not spinning too many plates,” Shining chuckled as he sat up. He tapped the one of several cardboard boxes around the room he’d been using as a seat. “You haven’t even unpacked your new furniture yet!” 

“It’s not my fault the world’s so fascinating!” Twilight huffed, shooing him out into the hallway. “And this place is huge, we’re still finding spaces to fill.” 

Shining frowned as she magically pulled the door closed behind them. “How’re you doing for money?”

“Fine.”

“You know Princess Celestia would be more than happy to--”

“And I’m still well within my budget,” Twilight smiled, a little primly. “Even taking on some university gigs, which should make up for all those orders, not that Spike and I don’t appreciate everypony’s donations. Contributions. You know what I mean.” 

“We’d be happy to give you a loan.” Shining tried to put a hoof on his sister’s shoulder but they were beginning to descend her castle’s T-Rex spine of a spiral staircase. “Twily, we get it. Candy didn’t want anypony expecting her not to earn her own bits just because she was a princess either, but you’re trying to replace so much and you don’t have a steady job right now!” 

“Gee, thanks,” Twilight muttered. 

“What, you’re gonna live off Apple family care packages forever?” Shining paused mid-step. “…okay, bad example.” 

“Our fridge is fully stocked,” Twilight smiled, feeling less defensive (though now a little peckish), “which helps with our grocery bills, which keeps us steady until I can collect those Canterlot lecture fees.” She spread a wing. “They’re not this many zeroes long, but AJ whistled appreciatively when she saw the letter.” 

“Alright, alright,” Shining chuckled, waving a hoof in surrender, “but will you please write to Mom and Dad already? They’ve been on me about this like a couple of horse flies.” 

“I really should have them over some time,” Twilight agreed, nodding to herself. “Spike’d love that! You know how he likes to play tour guide.” 

Her smile wavered slightly as, out of the corner of her eye, she caught a rainbow blur shooting through one room, the doors and windows of which Spike had left open to air out, and out through an also open window of its neighbour. 

“Can’t blame him. This place feels like a giant, fancy theme park,” Shining smirked as he considered the balcony. “Hey, remember when you used to hold him, and I’d levitate you and then we’d all surf the banister?” 

“I remember Mom’s face when she caught us,” Twilight laughed ruefully, then her face went pale as her big brother turned sideways. “Shining, don’t you dare! That’s brand new!” 

“Wahoo!” Shining whooped over the squeal of crystal. 

“Promise me you’re not going to try this with the baby!” Twilight yelled, taking to the air. She flapped after him indignantly, trying to get ahead so she could chide him when he landed but she never got the chance. 

Rarity squealed as she began to ascend the staircase and ducked. It was followed by the squeal of the captain of Canterlot’s royal guard, one of the youngest superior officers in E.U.P. history, trying to stop himself sliding down the banister, a process he now had no control over, without falling off. 

He missed Rarity, but not the unfortunate pony behind her. 

“Are you alright?!” Twilight squawked, hovering above the scene with her hooves over her mouth. 

“Everypony can relax, darling!” Rarity assured, straightening up and dusting herself down. “My mane is fine!” 

“wE’rE hApPy FoR yOu,” Peter Trotter mumbled from beneath his future brother-in-law. 

“Sorry!” Shining grunted, struggling to his hooves. “Uh, new…training regimen! Gotta stay on your hooves with all those Starlight Glimmers out there!” 

Peter squinted, though he accepted the hoof up. “Who?” 

“Sad, drab and tedious to know, darling,” Rarity supplied as Twilight landed. The princess gave her a grateful look. They’d told Peter an abridged version of the Our Town story but didn’t need him making any additions to his rogues gallery on their behalf. 

“Take your word for it,” Peter said, readjusting his saddlebag, then smiled and gripped Shining’s hoof more firmly for a shake. “Oh, hey, congrats, man! Twilight told me the big news!” 

“Thanks!” Shining grinned. “How’s work?” 

“Why?” Peter asked a little too quickly, yanking his hoof back. Twilight felt her Girlfriend-Sense tingling.  

“You gusy’ve been cleaning up after that Tirek thing.” Shining squinted then looked at Twilight. “Just sounded like a big job was all.”

“Oh.” Peter looked relieved, then tried to play it casual, idly swinging his saddlebag. “Eh, it’s not parenthood.” 

Twilight swore by all the power in her horn she’d corner him about that later. Privately, of course. She respected his wishes not to let her big brother in on Spider-Pony’s secret. She’d been lucky those two had made as good an impression on each other as they had, the last thing she needed was the hassle of Shiny finding out she’d spent all this time snuggling with a vigilante he felt, at best, lukewarm about. 

At worst, he’d pout. She didn’t need that, and she certainly didn’t need Peter’s silly song and dance routine towards difficult issues. For one thing it was bad enough when she did it. 

Shining looked between her and Peter. “On that note, can I borrow your portal real quick? You’ve still got it, right?” 

“Uh, set it up a few days ago,” Twilight agreed. “Why? Do you need something in Manehattan?” 

“Hay dogs and cheesecake,” Shining said grimly. “Just in case.” He noticed both Rarity and Peter’s nonplussed expressions and shrugged. “Came to town to catch up and grab some local cuisine Candy likes. Trying to stock up as much as we can for the cravings!”

“Very progressive,” Rarity said dryly. She turned to Twilight. “I popped in to ask if you know Rainbow Dash and Johnnycake Storm are playing basketball with your castle, darling?”

“I know,” Twilight sighed. 

“…and you didn’t stop them?” 

“Johnny’s here too?” Shining asked. 

“He and Rainbow Dash are talking again,” Twilight clarified. “They practice together now and then. It’s nice to see!” 

“Gotta have a word with that guy,” Shining muttered, turning towards the foyer. 

“Ooh, live theatre!” Rarity rubbed her hooves together and skipped after him. “Ciao, dears!”



***

“Step into my parlour?” Twilight asked Peter, indicating its door with her head. 

“Anytime.” 

She enjoyed the feel of his kiss, even if only on her cheek, and draped a wing over him. Partly to stop him trying to escape when she got real. Her plans were slightly delayed by the fact they entered a closet, not the parlour. She was still getting used to this darn place! 

“Coffee?” Peter asked when they finally opened the correct door. And he wondered why she kept him around. 

“Sure!” Twilight smiled, then shook her head. “Ah, wait, we’re out. I was going to pick some up from Sugar Cube Corner tomorrow.” 

“Could skip back to the city and grab some for you, assuming Cadence isn’t craving that too.” 

“You watch yourself, buster.” She prodded him, teasingly yet firmly, into a chair and hopped into her own, putting on her Teaching Aid face. “How is work? And don’t waste my time, I saw you make that face.” 

Peter blinked at her. “What face?” 

“Peter.” 

“Alright!” She settled back to wait as he stalled for time by taking off his saddlebag. (Huh, maybe they could’ve left it in the closet…) He rubbed the back of his neck. “Okay, yeah, I…had to make a decision today.”

“A big one?” Twilight asked gently, placing her hoof on his. She didn’t regret the long-distance aspects of their relationship, if anything her magic had conquered those almost immediately, but it did keep creeping up on her that, well, there were parts of their lives that went on without the other. 

If Peter hadn’t been Spider-Pony she’d have been the one asking him to wait for her as she dealt with the Starlight Glimmers of the world, or the more recent issue of this castle being dropped in her lap. Their life stories were now intertwined, in a way very much to her liking, but there were still chapters they didn’t know about. And both stories were ongoing. 

Peter mulled the question over a while, eventually giving her hoof a reassuring squeeze. “Pretty big. Would it be okay if we talked about it later? We will, I promise, I just need to lead up to it and, well, it’d be nice to unwind first.” 

“And you came to Ponyville?” Twilight teased. 

“Well, yeah.” She enjoyed the tingle as he slipped a foreleg around her back, gently caressing the space between her wings juuust the way she liked. “You’re here.” 

“Mr. Trotter!” Twilight chuckled, placing her hooves on his chest. “I’m a pillar of the community! Think of the scandal if anypony were to see me do, say, this!” 

She nuzzled his neck and giggled as she felt one of his hind legs start to twitch. 

“Good point,” Peter murmured. “That closet was nice and secluded…”

“Everypony’s outside and I can just ward the doors shut,” Twilight smirked. 

“Yeah? Prove it.”


5


Rainbow Dash hurled Spike's basketball, bouncing it between crystal spires, then swooped effortlessly around the main tower to catch it. She barrel-rolled to avoid a swiping pair of flaming hooves, effortlessly bouncing it off the edge of the balcony to ricochet into a hovering basketball net made of fire. 

“Are you even trying?” she crowed. 

“Trying to do a lot of things!” The Horseshoe Torch smirked back at her, catching the ball on its second bounce off the pathway. He began feinting left and right, tossing the ball from hoof to hoof as she tried to match him. “Like leave you your dignity! But it’s. Just. Not. Happenin’!” 

Dash lunged, laughing, missing the ball as it hit the spire, tumbling to the balcony and rolling along the railing. 

“Hey!” Spike protested as it almost knocked his popcorn off its perch. 

“Sorry, ref!” both players chorused as they dived after the prize. 

Dash reached the ball first, swatting it out of freefall and through another open window. Johnny swooped upward, streamlining his legs to shoot through the golden heart shaped arch on the roof, trying to intercept the ball as it flew out the open rear window. 

Dash was already there, of course. She clasped her hooves and spiked it straight up, forcing the Torch to yank his chin back to avoid, uh, taking it on the chin. 

They watched as the ball bounced back and forth in the gap between two low prongs of the crystal star that crowned Twilight’s castle, then tumbled onto the branch of the central tower, rolling down it, bouncing off the wall, and tumbled towards the rooftop pool. 

Spike stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled appreciatively as the players raced for it, their slipstream throwing water into the sunshine. Johnny snagged the ball and feinted to the right, shooting it towards the front balcony over Rainbow’s cry of outrage. 

He swooped down, using his blazing tail to swat the ball as it bounced hard off the ledge Equestria’s newest princess used to look over the town that had taught her the greatest magic of all, and fist-pumped as it ricocheted off the flagpole and into the hoop. “Oh yeah! That’s officially a tie!” 

“Yeah, no!” 

Dash shot past, almost whipping out his flames, and caught the ball before it could reach the turf. She easily twisted around his dive to intercept and tossed the ball behind her without looking. It hit Twilight’s weathervane, spinning it around before flying off and passing through the hoop. 

“The Gale from Cloudsdale takes the lead by two points, not only once…” 

They dived for the ball again. She swatted it into a wing with one hoof, Johnny and Spike marvelling as she spun it on the tip, keeping herself aloft with her other wing, and began to spiral towards the ground. 

Now upside down, Dash lashed out a foreleg, grabbing one of the bejewelled tassels under the side balcony and swinging herself back and forth, the ball still clutched in her wing until she kicked her hind legs out. She swung up, almost startling Spike off his seat, and used both wings to launch the ball in a perfect arc through the net. 

“But twice!” Dash whooped as she swung back down, still clutching her makeshift line and flapping her wings to keep from crashing into the wall. 

“Ten minutes on the clock!” Spike called, checking an hourglass. “And Manehattan is trailing by four points!” 

“My magic number!” Johnny sneered, arcing upside down for the ball. 

He braked as a blue aura surrounded the ball, making it loop around him before tossing it through the net. 

“And Canterlot wins forever,” Shining Armor smirked at them, catching it under his foreleg. 

“Aw, gyp!” Rainbow Dash chuckled, sliding upside down on her line to dangle like a certain web-slinger. “So making you pay for that next E.U.P. intramural!” 

“Assuming Spitfire lets you out to play,” Shining laughed. “You two know it’s technically illegal to use royal landmarks for this kinda thing, right?” 

“Well, you heard him, Dash,” Johnny sighed, drifting to the ground and flaming off. “Dad says we can’t play anymore!” 

“Okay,” Shining sighed, rolling his eyes as Johnny hugged him. 

“Can you believe this guy?” Johnny asked Rarity over Shining’s shoulder. “Leaving it up to you to tell me about the joyous advent of my own goddaughter?” 

“Johnny, darling,” Rarity smiled patiently, “you know I love you, but you’re you.” 

“And I need to clear some things up with you,” Shining said firmly, looping his own foreleg around Johnny’s shoulder before he could try to escape. 

“Can I at least have my ball back?” Spike called from the balcony. Shining levitated it up as he marched Johnny to the steps. 

“Wanna grab popcorn?” Dash asked, dropping from her line to land in Rarity’s path before she could follow them. Johnny gave her a grateful look. She must’ve seen the way his ear twitched at Rarity’s joke. And at which part specifically. 


***


“What’s this about you flying at eye level in the subway?” Shining asked, unable to keep the sternness out of his voice. 

“I was chasing somepony.” Johnny shrugged, trying not to sound too defensive. “Look, I know. But she’s dangerous.” 

“She. Well, that explains the other complaints on my desk,” Shining sighed, rubbing the back of his neck like Johnny was a highly specific kink to work out. 

“What complaints?” Rarity asked behind them, Rainbow’s distraction having only briefly slowed her down. 

“That’s classified, ma’am,” Shining mumbled, blushing. All it did was whet her appetite.

“Y’know, this figures,” Johnny grumbled, folding his forelegs. “She’s been jumping me for months, and the first time it comes up you’re chewing me out.”

“Did you file anything with us?” Shining countered, returning his frown. “Not that that’s the issue here.”

Johnny threw his hooves to the sky in frustration. “From the horse’s mouth!” 

“Nice try. Your flyer’s licence is part of a highly specialised legislation Celestia had to throw together for ponies like you. And you know all about it’s conditions.” Shining took a step towards him, glaring. “If you don’t abide by those conditions it’s not just your licence that gets pulled. Half the ponies you work with could lose the right to E.U.P. airspace! Did that ever occur to you?” 

“Please!” Johnny scoffed, the immediate air temperature beginning to rise with his temper. “It’s not like parliament hasn’t wanted you to yank it away from us for years!” 

“Yeah, and they’re already telling me that’s what I should do! And that’s not the point either!” Shining stomped a hoof. “Blast it, Johnny! You were flying low, on fire, in the subway! I don’t want to ground you, but what else am I supposed to do if you pull stunts like that?” 

“Ground me?!” Johnny almost laughed. “You serious, man? That whole dad routine was just messing with you!” 

“Messing around over something this serious isn’t helping your case.” 

“Didn’t stop your cute little routine with Spike’s ball!” 

“Do you want me to pull your licence?” 

“You can’t do that!”

“Uh, actually,” Dash cut in, flapping awkwardly in the air as they both rounded on her, “he can. Captain of the royal guard. He’d need at least two senior officers from other branches to weigh in and Spitfire’s absolutely gonna sign off on it when she hears about…whatever this is.” 

“Oh, thanks a bunch, buddy!” Johnny snapped. Sparks flickered at the corners of his eyes. 

“I’m just sayin’!” Dash shot back. 

“Same here,” Shining said, trying to take back control of the conversation. “Look man, we’re friends. But Rainbow’s right, I’m also one of the most senior officers in the E.U.P. I can’t just ignore this, and no matter what I do ponies are going to say you’ll get off lightly because we’re friends.” 

“That can change,” Johnny muttered darkly. 

“Darling!” Rarity protested. 

“What?!” Johnny bugged his eyes at her, glaring between her and Rainbow Dash. “Y’know how long it’s been since we talked? Really talked? And the first thing he does is hold my hooves to the fire for Lyja’s pucky! Whatta pal!” 

Dash squinted. “What’s a Lyja?” 

“That…would explain the conflicting descriptions,” Shining sighed, looking contemplatively at his hooves. He made a face. “Man, I hate E.T. stuff. Half the people I ought to be talking to are in another solar system and depending on the day it might be illegal for us to talk at all!” 

“What’s a Lyja?” Dash insisted. 

“A beastly creature that makes it hard to maintain a sense of decorum,” Rarity supplied, gently placing a hoof on Johnny’s shoulder. She was looking at him with concern. “She’s stalking you again?” 

“Unfortunately,” Johnny smirked bitterly, then shut his eyes. He exhaled and opened them, patting her hoof in gratitude. “But yeah, shoulda kept my cool. I just…I wanna finally nail her so bad! She’s almost as slippery as my last agent! I’m sorry Shining, I’ll totally throw together a report, but all I’ve gotta say is it’s hard not to break out all the stops, y’know? ‘Cause trust me, she’s going full crazy all the time!” 

“Sounds like my kinda gal!” Rainbow Dash grinned, rubbing her hooves together. “Tirek was kinda a hoof-full, even for me, but us Elements could use some rogues!”

“Not like Lyja you don’t,” Johnny muttered. 

“Wait,” said a stallion's voice from around the corner, “your ex?” 

The group craned their necks to see Peter Trotter and Twilight Sparkle sticking their heads out through the open parlour windows. 

“Seriously!” Shining whined, conjuring his badge to hold it up. “Classified! A little respect, people!” 

“I’m a princess,” Twilight protested, “it’s okay if I listen in!” She looked askance. “Y’know. Now.” 

“Sorry,” Peter winced, trying for an abashed grin. 

Johnny looked around at the expressions everypony was making, giving in to hysterical laughter. He pounded his chest to get himself under control before Dash or Shining did anything to him. “Alright, alright,” he sighed, “y’know what, it’s too good a day.” 

He put his hooves on Shining shoulders. “Have your people call my people.” 

“Let your sister know?” Shining smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Now there’s an idea.” 

“What we had used to be so beautiful!” Johnny faux-pouted. They clasped hooves. “For real, man. Get in touch and I’ll sit down for an inquiry or whatever. Do what you’ve gotta do.” 

“Oh, don’t you worry about that.” Shining nodded, not quite as stone faced as he could be. “Your licence might get reviewed but it could be worse. I’m gonna have to ask for your history with this Lyja, since this sounds super personal. I need to know where your head was at.” 

“Could loan ya some spelunking equipment,” Dash quipped, making Rarity and Twilight crack up. Peter mimed applause with a solemn nod. 

“Fine,” Johnny huffed, turning his nose up in a Rarity worthy gesture, “I know when I’m not wanted!” He opened one eye to address Shining. “My license is still good until you can officially call whatever this is turning into, yeah?” 

“Technically this is my day off,” Shining smiled ruefully. “But yeah, you’ve got a head start. Promise me not to do anything too crazy.” 

He raised a hoof as Johnny opened his mouth for a quip. “I mean it! Help me to help you!” 

“Just wanna enjoy it while I can!” Johnny protested. He flamed on and performed a lazy loop-de-loop. “A few last hours of freedom! Spreading my hypothetical wings so I can spread joy and laughter far and wide!” 

“This could be interesting,” Rarity mused, stepping to his side. The Torch’s eyes darted to Rainbow Dash. 

“How?” she quickly scoffed. “He hasn’t even said what he’s gonna do or whatever. You want interesting, I can tell ya all about how Tank saved Fleetfoot’s bacon while you patch up this hole in my uniform.” 

“But-but-but…intrigue!” Rarity sputtered. She held out for a beat, but folded. “Oh, fine! Propriety insists fashion and friendship take priority!” 

She jabbed a hoof under Johnny’s blazing chin as if holding him at knifepoint. “But whatever you get up to, I want all the juicy details.” 

“Oh yeah, Juicy Details, that’s the ice cream Candy likes!” Shining grinned, flicking his tail in relief. “Ugh, that was driving me nuts. Peter said it’s cool if I use your apartment to grab her some stuff too?” 

“Sure, give her my love,” Johnny agreed. He flew around to the front doors, gave them a shove, and blinked as purple runes flickered across their crystal surface, shoving him backwards. “Hey!” 

“Oh, sorry, sorry!” Twilight flapped out to join him above the steps, her horn glowing. “Heh, warded them!” 

“Why?”

“…reasons,” Twilight squeaked as the runes dissolved, avoiding eye contact with a leering Rarity and Dash. They turned it on Peter, still at the window, who mimed looking at a watch he didn’t have before sauntering out of sight. 

“Take care, everypony!” Shining called, waving to them as he set off for Ponyville Plaza. He paused, smirking at Johnny over his shoulder. “Did you seriously throw ice cream at this alien invader lady?” 

“Make me godfather and every secret I have is yours,” Johnny promised, widening his plasma sheathed eyes for maximum sincerity. 

“Buh-bye,” Shining scoffed, trotting off. 

“De. Tails,” Rarity hissed at Johnny, sternness mixing with hunger as she followed the captain. “See you at the boutique, Rainbow. Twilight, you and Peter behave yourselves or it’s straight to bed without supper!” 

Twilight muttered darkly to herself as she pushed one of her doors open and flapped inside. 

“Thanks,” Johnny sighed as he floated up to Rainbow Dash. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Dash muttered, “just get over it already, huh? I’m working two jobs now and jumping between you guys for free isn’t one of ‘em!” 

“I’m working on it,” Johnny hastily assured. “Seriously, hanging out with you again’s been great. Not just ‘cause…y’know.” 

“I know,” Dash sighed, heading off. “But the sooner you can trust yourself to be alone with Rarity, the better, alright? Gotta go rip a hole in my Wonderbolt uniform thanks to you.” 

“Pizza's on me!” Johnny called, waving as she began to accelerate towards the clouds. “For…I dunno, at least the next century!” 


***

He floated inside, pausing to get his bearings. The foyer of Castle…Whatever Twilight Was Eventually Gonna Name This Bad Boy was classy as all get out, but everypony was still getting their bearings. Was the room she’d set up for her and Pete’s portal on the left or the right? 

“The left.” Johnny looked up to see Peter sticking to the ceiling. “So what’s this about your ex?” 

“What about my ex?” Johnny said casually, forming a flame construct behind him. It was a burning stop sign that read ‘DON’T’.

“Hey, I’ve been there.” Peter dropped off the ceiling, springing off the floor to perch on the baluster of Twilight’s staircase. “C’mon, you used to love yanking my chain about the Black Sphinx! Remember? I jacked the tires off your new kart for revenge?” 

“Halcyon days!” Johnny sighed mock-wistfully, swinging open the portal room door. Like most of the castle it wasn’t fully furnished yet, but Twilight and Spike had set up some comfortable chairs, flowers in a vase by the window, and, oh, wasn’t that precious, they’d tapped up a little I ♥ Manehattan poster! 

Peter pressed his hooves to his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. “Going back to the city to try and hunt down whatsherface before the E.U.P. hauls your butt in for a tribunal, because even if taking her in doesn’t get you outta the hot-seat it’ll at least be satisfying.” 

Johnny watched despondently as he hunted through his saddlebag, pulling out a scrap of paper. “What is the most Johnnycake Storm move possible?” 

“Don’t try to talk me out of this,” Johnny warned. 

“Au contraire, mi amigo!” Peter beamed, whipping out his mask. “I seek to help, not hinder.” 

“Same difference but go on,” the Torch smirked, rising a blazing eyebrow. 

“Two webs are better than one.” Peter shrugged. “And I’ve got all the webs!” 

“Shining asked me not to get up to anything,” Johnny agreed, “and who in their right mind would mistake you for me?” 

“That’s sorta the idea.” Peter was half in costume now, lashing his tail to give it the untidy style Spider-Pony favoured, which surely Peter Trotter would never adopt. “If this Skrull knows everything there is to know about you, the guy who tried to use Sapphire Shores’ party for finding her long lost birth-mother to hock his new autobiography—”

“That was a schedule mix up!” Johnny insisted. 

“—then maybe she’s not ready for a surprise visit to Mr. Spider-Pony’s neighbourhood.” 

“The idea of watching you get shot at instead has a certain appeal.” The Torch gazed as his shimmering reflection in the crystal floor. “And I take it you’re not gonna open the portal up unless I agree to this?” 

“So it’s a date!” Peter finished pulling on his gloves and reached for his mask. 

“Interesting choice of words.” A violet aura pushed the door open a little wider and levitated Spider-Pony's ruffled face into Twilight Sparkle’s hooves. “Do I get a say in this?”

“Friendship is magic?” Peter grinned weakly. 

“We were going to have a little talk of our own before…” Twilight’s frown wavered slightly as she looked at Johnny then at Spike, who’d padded in to see what all the fuss was about, and cleared her throat. “Before Shining and…everything.” 

“Oh. Right. Uh…”

“Make it up to her with dinner, you dope,” Johnny muttered, admiring his blazing hoof. 

Peter gave Twilight a wider, nervous, cajoling grin. 

“I accept your terms,” she sighed, rolling her eyes but smiling. 

She telekinetically passed him his mask. Before he'd finished pulling it on she trotted up to him, sharing a kiss. Magic danced around their bodies, down through their legs and into the floor, their own personal love ley line silently bursting open into a glowing portal.

“You’re the best, honey,” Spider-Pony smiled, pulling his mask over his muzzle. “And we will talk, I promise. This was…a pretty big decision, but you’ll understand when you hear it. I know you will.” 

“Be back by seven,” Twilight chuckled, “I’ll whip something up.”

“Sure,” Spike muttered, folding his arms, “you’ll whip something up.”

“Just be sure you don’t feed him after midnight,” the Horseshoe Torch said and winked at them as Spider-Pony flipped backwards into the light of the portal, vanishing in a sprinkle of stardust that sounded like taxi horns. 

“Oh, good luck with Lyja and your licence!” Twilight called, waving. “We’re all rooting for you!” 

“Thanks, it means a lot!” The Torch saluted her as he dived in after his roommate. 


***

“And I guess I’ll have to clean up after everypony, too,” Spike groused. The portal slammed itself shut like a steel door, the magic disturbing the air in the room and rattling windows. He winced as some furniture, books and Peter’s saddle bag tumbled off their perches onto the still sparkling floor. “Aw geez!” 

“It’s the castle,” Twilight wined apologetically, rubbing one ear as they stepped in to begin cleaning up. “It’s all these crystals, magic conducts differently from room to room. I’m still working it out.” 

“Eh, you’ll get it.” Spike used his tail to sweep some books into a pile. “What’d you like for dinner?” 

“Hmm,” Twilight mused, stamping down on some sparkles before attempting to put a chair back up, “maybe something Istallion. How did you like that new butchers on Daytrip Road?”

“The griffin place?” Spike blinked. “What, you wanna eat…?! I-I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with…what am I saying, yes there is!”

“What?! No!” Twilight laughed incredulously. “I just meant I could take a crack at it and you could whip up something for yourself! You know, for tonight!” 

“Oh!” Spike wiped a relived brow across his forehead. 

Life had been through enough changes as far as he was concerned, he did not need a fundamental breakdown in herbivore nature. 

He brightened, reminding himself a lot of those changes had been pretty good. For starters, the presence of a princess and brand spanking new landmark was doing wonders for Ponyville. Tourism was rising, but not unreasonably, and some new chains were contemplating investment in the town. Since the castle would mean the presence of diplomats, or even just curious creatures from other lands, the mayor felt it prudent to broaden the town’s dining options. 

Diplomats, Spike knew from Canterlot experience, would at least give the appearance of enjoying pony vegetarian fare if it was the only thing on offer. Tourists and some of the other creatures that passed through Ponyville had no such need for decorum and preferred capital M meat. The most they could usually settle for was fish and baked goods. 

One of the results was that a griffon couple, from a big-time family of chefs up the coast, had gratefully accepted the mayor’s offer to open their own business in town. They had skills in both fields, naturally, so while their restaurant specialised in standard (actually a little above) herbivore delights they supplemented it with a small butcher’s shop, selling their unused meat supplies to other creatures. 

It was working out for all involved so far. Supply wagon drivers who’d usually pass through Ponyville in hopes of a more satisfying meal in Canterlot, which had it’s own meat packing district somewhere in the Undercity, were now happy to rest their weary paws and enjoy a burger or ribs. The ponies were happy for their business and just avoided eye contact or asking any questions. There'd been some tension when diamond dogs from the surrounding hills began dropping by to pick some up, but their gems were as shiny as anypony else’s and Rarity had made it clear she wouldn’t have a problem if they didn’t. 

The result was not only were the griffons and drivers happy, Spike had spent the past few weeks enjoying the option of meat consistently since leaving Canterlot. 

“Sure!” he decided, scooping up Peter’s saddlebag. “I mean, if you’d be good with the smell.” 

“I thought I’d try out those scented candles Fluttershy gave us,” Twilight smiled to herself. 

“Want any help picking out music?” Spike leered. “’Cause I got a good one! ♪First comes love, then com—whoa!” 

His foot had landed on one of the scattered books, sending them both skidding. Twilight flinched as her special little guy tumbled to the floor, the saddlebag flying out of his hands. Spike flinched guiltily as Peter’s personal items scattered. He scooped up a set of keys, his other paw darting for a small box, unable to catch whatever rolled out of it. 

“I got it, I got it!” he assured, bundling more stuff. He held up the box. “Can you grab whatever this…is…” 

He stopped dead, fins going limp as he saw what Twilight was staring down at. What had been flung from its box, rolled across the floor and come to rest at her right hoof. 

It was a wedding ring. 


To be Continued