//------------------------------//
// I'd Like to Make Myself Believe 
// Story: Wings 
// by Silent Bob 
//------------------------------//


I'd Like to Make Myself Believe




I used to be a much different person than I am now. In fact, I think I've gone through four different ways of living so far, my third one being the most terrible. However, I won't get into that right now. The first one I don't hold anything against myself for, though. I was just a kid. However, I sometimes think without the little.... push I got I'd never be out of it.

After my cheesy little motivational speech I gave Rainbow, we began to talk a bit about this and that. Her life, my life, the works. My ma poked a curious head into the living room occasionally. Oddly, I honestly didn't know she thought Rainbow was just an imaginary friend to me at the time. Truth be told, both me n' Rainbow thought that she was as visible to her as she was to me. Bit funny looking back at it that I didn't pay any mind to her not reactin' to a talking pony bein in the kitchen, but I was just a kid. For all I knew, maybe my ma had already known about Rainbow's kind as far-fetched as that seems to me now. 

Anyway, a good fifteen minutes of that later, I decided to go ahead and show Rainbow the pride of every nine year old kid: his room, and honestly I don't think there's anyone else who would have reacted to it with such interest.



The door to it creaked open, kicking up a bit of small dust particles that shined like tiny orbs in the beam of light emanating from his lone window.

"Woah, you have a lot of books!" was Rainbow's immediate reaction, her walking over to gaze upon a small bookshelf across from Tom's bed.

Tom raised an eyebrow at this. He really only had about nine or so.

"Does Equestria not have many of em' or something?" he asked her.

"Well, most books are in libraries. Cloudsdale has a pretty huge one, actually, but I think you can only check out so many at a time. Is your library different or something?"

Tom smiled pridefully at that. "Nope, these are all mine. Dad's been keepin' em in shape for years and passed em' down to me for my fifth birthday."

Rainbow raised her eyebrows. "Weird. Not many people actually own books in Equestria. I think it's because of the trouble it takes to make them. My family definitely doesn't have enough money to buy many. Doesn't really matter that much to me, though, I don't really read often." Tom held back a disappointed look as the pony leaned in to gaze at their titles a little more closely. "Jules Verne?"

He brightened at that. "He wrote a bunch of good novels bout thirty years passed. People are already calling em' classics." With that, he reached over and grabbed one of them. "This one's called Fifty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. It's bout' a man who takes a trip with a crazy guy called Captain Nemo in his big ole submarine."

"Where to?" Rainbow asked.

"To a bunch of places, I think, I haven't actually finished it yet." He chuckled slightly. "Still workin' on the War of the Worlds. Now that there is a good book. It's about a bunch of aliens comin' down and Great Britain, another country, tryin' to fight em' off, and it's got plenty of action."

Rainbow smirked at him slightly. "You sound like such an egg-head, no offense."

"Heh, none taken. It keeps me busy after school n' work on the farm. I dun mind it one bit."

The pony's attention was then caught by another object in the room.

"What's that? It looks sort of familiar."

"Oh, that's mah violin."

Rainbow raised her eyebrows. "Hey, we have those!"

"Say wah?" Tom chuckled. "How in the hey do you play it with those hooves of yours?"

The pony shrugged. "We manage. It's weird, actually, your family has a lot of stuff we do back home."

A moment of silence followed before Thomas gazed at her curiously. "Say Rainbow... do you still think you're in a dream or dead or somethin'?"

A beat.

Rainbow sighed at that, rubbing a hoof across Tom's wooden floor. "I'm not even sure what to think anymore. I guess I'll find out soon enough, though. No point in fretting about what might be."

The young farm boy smiled at her. "Don't worry, Rainbow, I'm sure you'll be back home in a jiffy."

The pony nodded at that, though Tom could tell she wasn't entirely convinced. "So, do you know how to play anything?" Rainbow asked.

"Well... not really," Tom said in a somewhat shameful tone. "I started takin' lessons when I was four, though my teacher mainly just had me playin' what she called rudiments; scales and arpeggios, that kind of thing. She says I've got 'creative spirit', whatever that is, and that I should focus on my coordination. I dun take lessons with her no more, though... when money became tight for her she moved away to New York City, the biggest in the country, to live in a place called Hooverville."

"Hooverville?"

Tom glanced away from her. "It's where the really poor folk go..."

"Oh..." Rainbow said, eagerly looking for a way to change the subject. "Well, how about you play me what was cool to her, then."

The young boy raised an eyebrow. "Cool?"

"Oh, it uh... means 'good'," she then grinned slightly. "Or awesome, like I'm sure you are at it." Her grin then turned mischievous. "Now go ahead and play, or are you too shy?"

Tom narrowed his eyes. "Ya callin' me yellow?"

Rainbow smirked. "Only if you don't play me something."

"Hmph, well I aint' no coward. I'll play ya somethin'," he then smiled somewhat sweetly. "But only cus I like ya, Dashie."

The young filly's face sagged at that, her eyes widening with a hint of disbelief. "Dashie?" 

Tom threw her a worried glance. "Don't ya like it?"

"Of course I like it!" she beamed, though her expression was becoming even more solemn. "It's just... it's the first nickname I've gotten that's actually... nice."

Tom nodded at that with a determined smile. "Then it's stickin'." With that, he put on a voice of mock royal authority. "From hence forth I dub thee, Dashie!"

Rainbow giggled at that before glancing at Tom's violin once again. "Hey, I see what you did there...."

The young boy threw her a look of genuine confusion. "Wah? What did I do?"

"You tried to change the subject so you'd get out of playing for me. You that scared?"

"Heck no I aint scared!" He declared. 

Rainbow grinned in anticipation as Tom donned his bow and violin, him strumming the strings lightly to make sure it was in tune. Luckily, he had just done so yesterday. "Well, here goes nothin'."

And so he began to play, neurons and synapses firing away to bring forth sparks of creativity. He started with something simple, a brief melody he had written the other day before building off of it. Soon enough, he was playing an intricate tune in a fast tempo completely off the top of his head. He could see his pony friend's eyes widen in awe at it, bringing a smile across Tom's lips. He continued to play for minute or so before finishing off with the most complex maneuver he could muster, eager to impress his new friend. He pulled it off somewhat decently before taking a deep breath and glancing Dashie's way.

A moment of silence followed as Rainbow remained silent. Tom began to grow a bit worried at that, though it was soon relieved when Rainbow began to pound her hooves on the floor in what he guessed was the Equestrian equivalent of applauding. 

"That was awesome, Tom!" she beamed, forcing a grin on him. "Seriously, that was so cool!"

Tom blushed slightly. "Shucks, it weren't nething'."

She then chuckled. "You 'persons' must have a weird way of defining 'nething', then."

The young lad rolled his eyes, though he sat down his violin with an accomplished smile.

"So, are you going to become a musician when you're older or something?" she asked.

Tom glanced to the side. "Well... maybe, but well... that'd take so much work.... I think I'd rather just work on the farm."

"Oh come on! You're just going to let that go to waste!?"

The farm boy rolled his eyes. "You sound just like ma pa'."

As if fate had tugged a few of the universe's strings, a knock soon came to his door at that as well as a deep, but warm voice. "Tom, mind if ah' come in?"

With that, the boy turned to Rainbow. "It's him! Wait til ya meet him, he's the greatest in the world!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "And yet you don't listen to his advice about your talent." 

Tom ignored the comment, turning back to the door. "Come on in, dad."

With that, the door creaked open to reveal the boy's father, his eyes calculating yet loving, and his body soaked with the sweat of labor. Immediately, he let loose a heart-felt smile at the sight of his son.

"Hey kid," he said, glancing at the violin lying at the boy's feet. "I heard ya playin' a second ago."

Tom sighed inwardly, immediately trying to avoid a topic he knew was coming. "How'd work go today, dad? Did them niggers give you trouble, again?"

His father gave him stern expression at those words, his voice somehow deepening even more. "I told ya not to call em' that. They're good hard workers, they're just facing hard times cus of the depression, worse then everyone else."

"But my teacher says-"

His father held up a finger. "Your teacher is a smart lady, but her mind's been twisted by her husband. Don't be listenin' to her bout nething to do with races and all that."

"What's a nigger?" Rainbow whispered.

Tom shook his head her way, trying his best to avoid that sort of conversation before turning it back to his dad and reluctantly saying, "alright then, pa." He then turned to Dashie. "By the way, this is my new friend, Rainbow Dash!"

His dad smiled slightly at that. "Ah, your mother told me bout her. So she's a pony, huh?"

Tom shook his head. "Not just a pony, a pegasus pony! And she's the.... the...." he then smirked. "The coolest pony in the world!"

His father chuckled, "You kids and this new slang of yours."

Rainbow Dash smiled at that. "Nice to meet ya, Mr. Thomas!"

To Tom's confusion, his father ignored the pony's introduction. He grew a bit worried at that. Did his father not approve of him having a pony friend or something? He turned towards Rainbow Dash, her expression a mix between offended and dissapointed.

"Uh... pa... aren't ya goin' to say hello?"

His father raised his eyebrows before sighing slightly. "Son.... I can't really hear her. That's the thing about... that kind of friend. They're only visible and can talk only ta' you."

With that, Rainbow and Tom both glanced at each other with perplexed and slightly worried expressions.

"B-But, your mom could see me!" Rainbow cried.

Tom shook his head. "I don't get it either... but... I still know you're not a ghost! You are as real as day!" He then turned back towards his father. "You're sure you don't hear her... a little bit?"

His father shook his head. "Sorry son, that aint how it works." He then leaned down on one knee. "But I will tell ya this, if ya can see and hear her then she's real enough."

The boy sighed at that, turning back to Rainbow. "Don't worry, if my pa' says you're real then you're real."

"I'm sure she is, son. Anyway, have you finished your homework for the day?"

Tom's eyes widened slightly, a nervous smile coming upon his face. "Uhhhh... yeah, pa!"

His father narrowed his eyebrows. "Mind letting me take a look at it?"

The boy glanced to the side at that. "Well... I would... but...." he quickly snapped his head towards Rainbow Dash. "Dashie got uh... really hungry and... ate it!"

"Hey, no I didn't!" Rainbow objected. 

Tom glanced at her with a pleading expression for some reason, despite the fact his father couldn't hear her. He then turned back towards his father, a skeptical, but slightly bemused expression coming on the weary worker's face.

"Oh, she did, did she?" he said with a slight smile.

Tom shook his head 'yes' rapidly. 

His father nodded towards underneath his bed. "Mind if I see your work folder, then?"

"Uhhhhh...." He said, his brain trying desperately to think of a way to get out of this situation. "Can I show you it.... after dinner?" he asked with a sheepish smile.

"Tom...."

The boy sighed, kicking at the floor slightly. 

"Alright... I didn't do it."

Upon his father's face came the one thing Tom hated to see, disappointment. "Son, you do this nearly three times every week. Your mother and I are getting worried about your grades."

The boy frowned solemnly. "But... I don't see the point of it. It aint no fun."

With that, a smile came upon the man's wrinkled face. "It's alright, kid. I know school must be tough, but you shouldn't take it for granted. When I was growin' up I couldn't even go to school, and you're very lucky we can afford it now." He then placed a dirt-caked single hand on his son's shoulder. "Don't waste this opportunity, kid. You've got so much potential, and I don't want these hard times to get you down. Things will get better, and they'll get better soon. If you work hard now you'll have a better shot at getting into secondary school, and there's a few government programs Roosovelt is setting up that can help pay for it if ya do well."

He then gazed at him sternly. Hopeful eyes of a weary old soldier pleading with his offspring to take the road he couldn't ever have traveled.

"I don't want you to end up like me. I want to see you fly, son."

"Listen to him, Tom!" Rainbow encouraged. "I don't know if we'll see each other again soon, but how about we make each other a promise, right here, right now? One day, I'll be the fastest flier in Equestria, and you'll be the best violin player in America!" She paused a second before shaking her head. "No, your whole freakin' world!"

Tom shook his head, glancing at both Dashie and his father. "I don't know..."

"You can do it, Tom," Rainbow encouraged.

With that, Tom sighed in defeat and looked directly into his father's eyes. "Alright, I promise I'll try harder."

His father couldn't smile prouder at that.



And so I was on course to entering my second way of living. Of course, one little motivational speech wouldn't set me on in just like that. It wasn't going to be a fun road, but it seemed to be a good one to take... for the time. However, now though, I sort of wish I had taken the road not traveled... but enough about that. There's still a pretty big story to tell, the story nobody will ever read. This whole typin thing seems to be calmin me a bit, so I might as well keep doin it til I start feelin' really sleepy. 

Alright fingers, here we go!