I am Eye Sis, a betrayed Pharaoh of ancient times. The day has finally arrived for my final battle against the reincarnation of my traitorous high priestess. Set of Five sneers at my stallion host, slapping her deck into the duel disk.
"Go first, Anonymous, it will be your last!"
Anon slips his deck into the duel disk, and I take possession of his body. I stand a little taller, and our shared chest tuft increases dramatically in volume.
"You have set yourself up for defeat, Set of Five!"
I draw my hand and-
Hold on, this isn't the Dark Magician deck. Super-heavy Samurai? Tuner? Curse Anon and his whimsy. I can feel his amusement in the back of my mind.
[Need some help, Eye Sis?]
I frown.
{No, I'm sure I can figure out what to do...}
Let's see, special summon blah blah, equip... Why would I even want something that only gives 1200 defense? Set of Five glares at me.
"Admit it! Nothing you have can defeat my deck!"
I scowl
{Alright, tell me what to do.}
[How about I take over and-]
I mentally sigh.
{Monster duels are too dangerous for stallions. Besides, I can't mind crush her if you're in control.}
[Hmm. Good point. Alright, so all you do this turn is set Superheavy Samurai Soulpiercer face down.]
...
{It has zero defense, it will die if anything battles it.}
[That's the point. Just do it.]
{Fine.}
"I set my monster face down and pass the turn."
Set of Five cackles.
"That's all? Prepare yourself for unstoppable power!"
She draws a card.
"I summon Lady of D!"
[She wants the D so bad!]
{Shut up}
"And use the Flute of Summoning Dragon to special summon my Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
[If you played my flute, it would sure special summon a white dragon of something~]
{Shut Up!}
"Blue Eyes! Destroy his monster!"
I scowl, placing my monster in the graveyard.
{Now what?}
[It's ability activates. Search your deck for Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]
"Not so fast! My monster's ability activates and I take..."
[Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]
"Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji from my deck and add it to my hand!"
Set of Five sneers.
"A mere 1800 defense is nothing before my Blue Eyes! Lady of D, attack his life points directly!"
I stagger back, shaken by the loss but not discouraged.
[Hey, can we do the heart of the cards thing now?]
I frown.
{That requires a depth of trust in your cards that-}
[Come on, I totally trust my extra-thicc fighty lads enough for magic cheating!]
[It's not cheating! It's friendship!]
Set of Five smirks.
"Your turn, Anonymous. Take your time, there isn't much left for you."
I growl.
Her arrogance is no less grating than it was a millennia ago. Let's just get this over with.
"I know my monsters have my back! Come to me, extra thick samurai!"
[Superheavy Samurai]
{SHUT UP! THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!}
I draw a card, ignoring Anon's snickering in the background. It's... another 1200 defense thingy. Did the heart of the cards fail me? Or maybe I didn't trust in the supethick samurai enough?
[Nah, we got this. Special summon Waluigi and the trumpeter. We're about to lay down some sick doots.]
This is all too confusing. Back in my day, I had normal monsters, a few spells, a few traps, and maybe field spell, if I was lucky. Now...
"I special summon Superthick Samurai Waluigi and Trumpter!"
I place the two monsters on the field.
{Now what?}
[Synchro summon Superheavy Samurai Stealth Ninja from our extra deck in defense mode.]
...
{Extra deck?}
[Yeah, that little pile of cards on the end there.]
...
Now, a colt has to hold me by the hoof to handle some superthick lads.
"I synchro summon Superthick Samurai Stealth Ninja in defense mode!"
[Activate both Superheavy Samurai Soulshield Walls and equip them to the ninja.]
"I activate two Soulshield Walls! My Ninja's defense is now 5200!"
[Hey, we're pretty safe now. Nice job, Anon.]
He chuckles.
[The Ninja can attack while in defense mode, using his defense instead of his attack. Did you even read the card?]
...
{I skimmed it.}
[Uh-huh. Just attack the Lady of D and win already.]
This feels like cheating.
"Superthick Ninja! -"
I am disoriented as Anon forcibly takes control.
"-attack the Lady of D with your secret butt fun attack!"
Thankfully, he cedes control back to me once he's had his say. Set of Five falls to her knees.
"This is impossible! Nothing can be stronger than the Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
I scoff.
"You lost because you only trusted in your dragon. If you cared about your Lady of D as much as I care about my superthick lads, it would not have been over so quickly."
[That's bullshit, her deck just can't win as quickly as mine.]
{And the heart of the cards has nothing to do with that?}
[...Okay, that might help. A little. Still magic cheating.]
{It's not- ugh. Not the time.}
"Mind crush!"
I walk away from the crumpled mare. I’m getting too old for this.