You are Eye Sis, a betrayed Pharaoh of ancient times. The day has finally arrived for your final battle against the reincarnation of your traitorous high priestess. Set of Five sneers at your stallion host, slapping her deck into the duel disk.
"Go first, Anonymous, it will be your last!"
Anon slips his deck into the duel disk, and you take possession of his body. You stand a little taller, and your shared chest tuft increases dramatically in volume.
"You have set yourself up for defeat, Set of Five!"
You draw your hand and-
Hold on, this isn't the Dark Magician deck. Super-heavy Samurai? Tuner? Curse Anon and his whimsy. You can feel his amusement in the back of your mind.
[Need some help, Eye Sis?]
You frown.
{No, I'm sure I can figure out what to do...}
Let's see, special summon blah blah, equip... Why would you even want something that only gives 1200 defense? Set of Five glares at you.
"Admit it! Nothing you have can defeat my deck!"
You scowl
{Alright, tell me what to do.}
[How about I take over and-]
You mentally sigh.
{Monster duels are too dangerous for stallions. Besides, I can't mind crush her if you're in control.}
[Hmm. Good point. Alright, so all you do this turn is set Superheavy Samurai Soulpiercer face down.]
...
{It has zero defense, it will die if anything battles it.}
[That's the point. Just do it.]
{Fine.}
"I set my monster face down and pass the turn."
Set of Five cackles.
"That's all? Prepare yourself for unstoppable power!"
She draws a card.
"I summon Lady of D!"
[She wants the D so bad!]
{Shut up}
"And use the Flute of Summoning Dragon to special summon my Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
[If you played my flute, it would sure special summon a white dragon of something~]
{Shut Up}
"Blue Eyes! Destroy his monster!"
You scowl, placing your monster in the graveyard.
{Now what?}
[It's ability activates. Search your deck for Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]
"Not so fast! My monster's ability activates and I take..."
[Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]
"Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji from my deck and add it to my hand!"
Set of Five sneers.
"A mere 1800 defense is nothing before my Blue Eyes! Lady of D, attack his life points directly!"
You stagger back, shaken by the loss but not discouraged.
[Hey, can we do the heart of the cards thing now?]
You frown.
{That requires a depth of trust in your cards that-}
[Come on, I totally trust my extra-thicc fighty lads enough for magic cheating!]
[It's not cheating! It's friendship!]
Set of Five smirks.
"Your turn, Anonymous. Take your time, there isn't much left for you."
You growl.
Her arrogance is no less grating than it was a millennia ago. Let's just get this over with.
"I know my monsters have my back! Come to me, extra thick samurai!"
[Superheavy Samurai]
{SHUT UP! THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!}
You draw a card, ignoring Anon's snickering in the background. It's... another 1200 defense thingy. Did the heart of the cards fail you? Or maybe you didn't trust in the supethick samurai enough?
[Nah, we got this. Special summon Waluigi and the trumpeter. We're about to lay down some sick doots.]
This is all too confusing. Back in your day, you had normal monsters, a few spells, a few traps, and maybe field spell, if you were lucky. Now...
"I special summon Superthick Samurai Waluigi and Trumpter!"
You place the two monsters on the field.
{Now what?}
[Synchro summon Superheavy Samurai Stealth Ninja from our extra deck in defense mode.]
...
{Extra deck?}
[Yeah, that little pile of cards on the end there.]
...
Now, a colt has to hold you by the hoof to handle some superthick lads.
"I synchro summon Superthick Samurai Stealth Ninja in defense mode!"
[Activate both Superheavy Samurai Soulshield Walls and equip them to the ninja.]
"I activate two Soulshield Walls! My Ninja's defense is now 5200!"
[Hey, we're pretty safe now. Nice job, Anon.]
He chuckles.
[The Ninja can attack while in defense mode, using his defense instead of his attack. Did you even read the card?]
...
{I skimmed it.}
[Uh-huh. Just attack the Lady of D and win already.]
This feels like cheating.
"Superthick Ninja! -"
You are disoriented as Anon forcibly takes control.
"-attack the Lady of D with your secret butt fun attack!"
Thankfully, he cedes control back to you once he's had his say. Set of Five falls to her knees.
"This is impossible! Nothing can be stronger than the Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
You scoff.
"You lost because you only trusted in your dragon. If you cared about your Lady of D as much as I care about my superthick lads, it would not have been over so quickly."
[That's bullshit, her deck just can't win as quickly as mine.]
{And the heart of the cards has nothing to do with that?}
[...Okay, that might help. A little. Still magic cheating.]
{It's not- ugh. Not the time.}
"Mind crush!"
You walk away from the crumpled mare. You're getting too old for this.